"A-Rod" is a cursed nickname

Ahh yes, thanks to Jennifer Lopez in the early 00's, we were introduced to the concept of the "first letter of the first name + first syllable of the last name" nickname format.

That led to Alex Rodriguez becoming "A-Rod".

Well, it seems that the nickname could be cursed. Let's do a three case study...

Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez

Prior to nickname

• Best young baseball player in the league
• Lit up the place in Seattle with Junior and the Big Unit taking a majority of the spotlight

After the nickname

• Sign the biggest contract in the history of sports
• Become a media machine
• Hated by every fan base you've ever played for
• Get caught with muscle bound strippers
• Get divorced by wife for practicing Kaballah with skeleton lady. (By the way, people, it's not 1986 anymore. Madonna is neither hot nor relevant. Let's cut that shit out.)
  

Aaron "A-Rod" Rodgers

Prior to nickname

• Believed to be the most pro-ready Tedford quarterback ever
• Defeated the mighty USC Trojans in overtime, proving "they're not a machine!"
• Highly touted draft pick

After the nickname

• Drop to the end of the first round
• Become the heir apparent to Brett Favre
• Alienate fan base by claiming you can't wait for the old man to retire
• Old man retires, then you tell everyone to get over it
• Old man attempts comeback and you become the most hated player in your fan base
• Old man is traded, you're still the most hated man on your team
• Often mistaken for Scott Stapp

Andy "A-Rod" Roddick

Prior to nickname

• Hottest young tennis star to arrive on US scene
• Destined to be the heir apparent to US tennis's stars, Sampras and Agassi
• Fastest serve on the tour and history (clocked at 155 mph)
  
• World's number one player
• Win the 2003 U. S. Open
• Win the Davis Cup

After the nickname

• Second American mentioned behind James Blake (who hasn't done shit either)
• Can't get past the current kings of the court, Nadal and Federer
• Hire Jimmy Connors to coach you. Fire Jimmy Connors from coaching you.
• Turn down representing country in Olympics to refocus on grand slams
• Can't get past the third round of shit anymore
• Blame sleeping posture for injuries and poor performance

In conclusion, if you're first name starts with an "A" and the first syllable of your last name is "Rod", for god's sake NEVER TAKE THE NICKNAME "A-ROD".

Note: I don't think anyone but Rodriguez is officially nicknamed "A-Rod"

Hey, the Olympics start tomorrow

Hat tip: Fan House

So, the Summer Olympics start tomorrow. You know? Big deal, every 4 years, whole world competes? Well, USA Basketball, for a long time was the shit. Now, with the globalization of the sport and success of other countries, Team USA is another cog in the machine. A favorite, no less, but still a cog in the machine.

Well, courtesy of Nike Basketball, allow the soothing sounds of Marvin Gaye singing our nation anthem get you ready for the Olympics.

Bring it on, world.

If that video doesn't do it for you, how about Dallas's own Dirk Nowitzki sporting the early 1990's hair do...

I can't take it anymore, I must say it,

Douche-la-rough

Bret Favre is a gigantic douche.

I once liked this guy. His style of play was entertaining, his team was historic, and he always looked like he was having a good time.

Now, I can't stand him. His ego has lead the Packers on a wild goose chase over the past 3 years as to whether or not he was going to retire. Finally, the packers said enough is enough, and they were ready to move on when Favre said himself "I'm done."

Now he's back and the only team that he really wants to play for isn't the Packers, its their bitter Rival, the Minnesota Vikings.

How can anybody be OK with this? Packer fans? He's wants to leave for Minn. Viking fans? He's been beating your ass for over a decade. How can you root for him?

I hope the guys falls on his face. And wins 3 games in Minn this season.

For completely different reasons as he did several years ago, Brett Favre is once again making me a bigger Packers fan, I want to see them roll over Captain Ego and his smugness.

Batman fan? Hate the Spurs? Check it...

Hat tip: The Sporting News Blog

The Joker's henchmen do us all a favor and get rid of Crash Bandicoot...I mean the Spurs mascot.

Anyone remember Crash Bandicoot?

As a Mavs fan, this scares me

I've mentioned several times before that the Western Conference is getting younger and better every year. New Orleans, Portland, Golden State are all teams that are joining the usual suspects in the fray to make a legitimate run at the title.

I've also mentioned several times that the Mavericks have done nothing to address the issues that they lack against this growing Western Conference competition.

Now I read this entry over at TrueHoop

Abbot is relaying some news about Greg Oden and how he's getting ready for the season after having microfracture surgery last year.

Much has been made of the muscle Oden has added to his frame -- his current weight is something of a secret -- but there is all kinds of evidence that he will enter the NBA as one of the biggest, heaviest, and strongest players in the League.

I believe every word of it.

The Mavs have Damp and Diop. These guys are already schooled by the rest of the West, and now they have to contend with Oden, who might be the baddest mother fucker since Shaq in Orlando.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

"My favorite quarterback: Danny WHOOO!-rful"

Why the Summer Olympics make me feel gay

So, the Olympics begin on Friday. Did you know that?

Barry Horn of our very own Dallas Morning News has compiled a "what to watch" list for the big event.

I'm looking at the list and making mental notes on what events I kind of want to watch, and I realized just how uncomfortable it makes me.

See, outside of basketball, the two sets of events that I find myself enthralled in are, diving and gymnastics.

What. The. Fuck.

Can you justify watching gymnastics by saying it's the girls? Not unless you want a visit from Chris Hansen you don't.

Can you justify diving by saying you're secretly hoping for a Louganis-esque accident to occur? Maybe.

I dunno, either way, it's kind of uncomfortable. Thank goodness for the NFL preseason.

What to do with the Rangers catching situation?

So, the our peppy little bunch of baseball players in Arlington have themselves a nice little problem. A whole bunch of guys who play catcher really well, and no one knows who to annoint the current guy, the backup guy, and the "next guy".

Let's break down the main guys in the discussion...



Gerald Laird

The current starter. Laird took over the job from Rod Barajas in 2007 after being the backup in 2006. Laird hasn't exactly been hitting the shit out of the ball, though his 2 HR night did win it for the Rangers yetserday, and he's not the world's greatest defensive backstop either. However, he hasn't really been challenged by the three names below. However, Laird is not to be stolen on, as his arm guns down damn near everyone who tries. Laird is currently coveted by the rest of fucking Major League Baseball.



Jarrod Saltalamacchia

Salty will forever be linked in Ranger lore as "the guy we got for Tex". In fact, now with Tex on the Angels, let's see if that conversation at the plate ever happens. Interesting about Salty is that he's also a first basemen. Problem is, Chris Davis has been kicking ass, Salty may not be at home their either (and he has said he's much more interested in catching). Salty's been the backup for Laird this season, and has become more comfortable at the plate, though his batting average isn't blowing anyone's skirt up. Salty could be the guy for the future, but he needs the time to dig in and get used to things. Seems every time he gets in, Laird comes back and Salty is back on the bench. Terrible defense, but fiery bat.



Max Ramirez

Might be having the best season of his young career this year. Ramirez is young, so he's thought to be in the "catcher of the future" mold, but people think with the way he's been playing, he might be ready for today. Ramirez's bat is pretty attractive, and his defense is so-so. So he's a lot more of a guy who could also DH and provide value to the team.



Taylor Teagarden

Has been in the system longer than Ramirez, but he got jumped. Also, more of a defensive catcher that tends to work with his pitchers a bit better. Teagarden is also considered to be one of the "catchers of the future", but in his stance, he could be the every day guy. Teagarden is showing his ability to be a defensive mastermind, and I'd bet Jaramillo could work on his bat.


Program Alert: Erin Andrews is going to be in Arlington on Wednesday to cover the Rangers and Yankees. Oh yeah, so will A-Rod, Pudge and the rest of the Yankees.

Side note: What's a safer bet: Big can spell "Saltalamacchia" without any help or Big solves the mystery of cold fusion?

Interesting concept Cuban, don't forget you own a basketball team as well

If you didn't know, Dallas's favorite shark toothed wunderkind is attempting to buy the Chicago Cubs...for $1.3 billion.

First of all, there is no way in hell that Bud Selig and the MLB owners are going to allow a guy like Cuban to enter their midst. It would make too much sense.

What I found interesting was this quote from Cuban:

“I think the owner of any major sports franchise has two jobs: first, it’s to work hard to win a championship year after year, and second, to be the caretaker of the franchise in the community.”

Totally agree, Mark, but here's the question: What about your fucking basketball team?

I've made no bones about it, I like Mark Cuban as an owner, and I think the Mavericks and Maverick fans are damn lucky to have him. But the past few offseasons are killing me.

Are you really going to tell me that you're working hard to get back to the Finals and win now? Gerald Green and DeSagana Diop are supposed to make me feel better? Rick Carlisle is the main cog of the machine to contend in a ridiculously stacked Western Conference?

Do me a favor, publicly blame Donnie Nelson. That'd make me feel better for sure.

Forget "Homerism", I'm talking about "Brohm-erism"

Oh, you didn't think coming here would protect your from Favre-gate 2008, did you?

No, I'm not going to go into anything you can read anywhere else, because I'm about ask tired of it as anyone else is.

However, do you realize he turned down $20-$25 million to just sit on his ass and do nothing? I don't care how much you "love the game", that much money would convince me to do nothing all day.

At this point, I'm going to start the "Start Brian Brohm" movement. I'm tired of Favre. I'm tired of Rodgers, show me Brohm. They can even re-introduce the Cadillac model and he can shill it.

By the way, is anyone else really creeped out by Deanna Favre?

Looks like one of our commenters went to the U.S. Senior Open

I got this email from Nasty (a buddy of ours, not the sports radio guy in Baltimore) this morning mentioning this story.

I was a little confused because of all the people to send us a story celebrating the merits of Argentinian golf, Nasty would be last on that list. I figured there had to be more, and I found this story.

Right after Hale Irwin missed a par putt on the 12th hole, the bear darted across the fairway of The Broadmoor Golf Course during the PGA's US Senior Open's second round which was being televised live on national TV.

The bear stopped to sniff a few items left by fans. No injuries were reported.

Ahh, seems our friend, Bear, made a trek out to Colorado and played some golf. Knowing him, his drives all hooked right and he started drinking on the second hole.

because who dosn't like football and hot chicks, if only there was a way....

to combine them both......

(kinda NSFW)

Thanks to Bizzle for the vid.

Big's Pre Preseaon Preview - NFC

I was thinking about how to "preview" the NFL, i really didn't know how to go about it. I started writing a team by team bit, but my brain was so scattered with thoughts that i didn't make it trough one div, and it was already 4 pages. So that was out. So i thought, lets go game by game and just pick winners, not looking at what their overall record at the time would be, just picking winners game by game, and then tally them all at the end of the year and see where it lead me. So that's what I did. Here is the NFC, and what went down. Its not perfect, but it was fun, and really showed what I thought of certain teams without looking at the big picture. I truly don't think this is what will happen, but its a good starting point. The AFC can be found here

NFC

NFC East

Dallas Cowboys 12-4
Philadelphia Eagles 9-7
New York Giants 8-8
Washington Redskins 7-9

NFC North

Minnesota Vikings 10-6
Green Bay Packers 8-8
Detroit Lions 4-12
Chicago Bears 3-13

NFC South

New Orleans Saints 13-3
Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7
Carolina Panthers 9-7
Atlanta Falcons 4-12

NFC West

Arizona Cardinals 8-8
San Francisco 49ers 7-9
St. Louis Rams 5-11
Seattle Seahawks 5-11

Thoughts: No surprise the East is the best division in the NFC, all four of those teams could end up in any order after Dallas.

I like the Rams better than the record shows. Bulger is coming back and S. Jax will be healthy again. Yet I still only have them winning 5 games. I don’t think San Fran is as good as their 7-9 record, but they do play in an easy div.

Speaking of the West, I truly think this year will be the letdown year for the Seahawks. I don’t think Hassellebeck is very good anymore, and they have no running game to speak of. (Juels Jones, Really?)

Team that has the best chance of failing:

Tampa Bay. While I see them having a nice year with 9 wins, they could easily drop off and win like 3. QB is older than dirt, Running game revolves around a broke down Caddy, and Warrick Dunn, Joey Galloway is their best WR at 36 years of age. Yea, I think they might be in for a let down.

Team that can surprise some people:

Other than Minnesota, I think the “bad team” that could be good this year is St. Louis. Like I said above, they could pull off as many as 10 wins if they stay healthy and the D steps ups a bit.

Thing I want to see happen:

After starting the season 1-5, coach of the Seahawks, Mike Holmgrem turns the reigns of the team over to Senneca Wallace. When asked why he replies “Why the fuck do I care? If you don’t think I’m going to be in Hawaii this time next year, sipping mai tai’s that were brought to me by a samon named Fatu, you have got be kidding yourself.”

End of the year, State of the Team Adress

I would like to thank everybody for being here today. It is always good to see support and celebration among the fans and alumni, as well as the press. I would like to start by saying that I am very proud of our team this year. A record of 12 wins and 1 loss is nothing to be ashamed of. While we didn't accomplish our goal of winning the Pac 10 title, and competing in the Rose Bowl, I believe that our kids played a great season, and should hold their heads up high when thinking back to it.


I would like to congratulate some of our fine players that were key parts of our team's success this year. Congratulations to Strong Safety Patrick Chung on winning the Thorpe award for the nations best defensive back. He lead the team in tackles with 96 including 2 sacks and 4 INT's.

Tight End Greg Hall also needs to be commended for his award of nations best tight end. His nack for the first down marker and goal line helped us with the ushering in of a new QB.

Hall and Chung are joined on the All American team by CB Jairus Byrd, who lead the team in INT's and was 3rd overall in voting for the Thorpe Award.


We saw two of our most prolific offensive players leave us last year, in Dixon and Stewart, and we knew their shoes would be hard to fill. Despite a small controversy in the first two games of the year, Chad Hodges became this teams QB and leader, and even set a school record for TD passes in one season. The sophomore's transition into the starting role was made easy by the play of outstanding RB, Andrew Barber, and WR's Williams and Jones.


Its an exciting time for Oregon football. Our bowl win over Nebraska in the Holiday Bowl will have us finishing in the top 10, and ready for next year when most of our skill players will return.


Over the summer, the recruiting process will heat up and we have already signed a 4 star recruit to replace the graduating Chung. We have also been pursuing many WR's to supplement our spread offense, defensive line help, and are chasing a QB who ran the 40 in 4.3.

It's been a good year and next year we have not only USC and Oregon St. coming to Eugene, but the upstart Baylor Bears, who finished in the top 25 this year, as a non con game of note.


Thank you for your time. Lets go Ducks!

This would have been cooler if it was Dirk, but.....

Barron Davis and Steve Nash in all there greatness. Enjoy



I had no idea Nash could dance like that. Well done friend from the North. Well done.

Man, I'll still really pissed about the Artest non-trade

What can I say? I love the guy. Artest talked yesterday about his newest teammate, the great Wall of China, Yao Ming.

I understand what Yao said, but I'm still ghetto. That's not going to change. I'm never going to change my culture. Yao has played with a lot of black players, but I don't think he's ever played with a black player that really represents his culture as much as I represent my culture. Once Yao Ming gets to know me, he'll understand what I'm about. Sometimes it's hard to get to know Ron Artest because I'm so down to earth to a fault. ... I can't wait to be putting on that jersey and be standing next to Yao Ming. I can't wait. I guess once Yao Ming approves it, I'll be a Houston Rocket.

Apparently, Yao thinks Ron Ron is ghetto.

Giggle.

H/T:FanHouse

Because I'm waiting for stuff at work...

...the ultimate give-up post.

Underrated Women on Television/Movies that Brown would like to sex up like he's 18 again

Kari Byron - "Mythbusters" (Discovery Channel)

On days where writer's block is especially prevalent, expect more to be added to the list.

(If you are wondering, yes I know Pudge became a Yankee today, and more shit's going on with Manny and Favre. But writer's block being what it is, I can't quite think of anything.)

Stupid boots, No Artest for the Mav's

Last night I got this text from Brown.

"What the F&*@!?! Artest to Houston for Bobby Jackson and a 1st rounder! That's it ?!?!?! DAMN IT!!!!!"

Its True.

So lets see, the Rockets gave up Bobby Jackson(old bench guy), Donté Greene(young "prospect" player), Patrick Ewing Jr. and Sean Singletary(rookies)(bad ones), and a first round pick.

Its said that the Kings were excited to get Greene, a player they think can develop into a starting player, and a vet bench guy like Jackson. The first round pick only signifies as an insurance policy should Greene not pan out. The Kings are most def in rebuild mode right now, with young guys and picks galore.

The Rockets get a superstar to with the other 2 superstars they already have, and have to be considered one of the best teams in the west right now.

I have 2 problems with this trade.

1- How in the hell can the Mav's let this happen? We have a young player with more potential and bigger upside(Howard), and vet players with expiring contracts(Stackhouse) that could have helped out the Kings just as much, maybe even more, and yet they weren't willing to deal Howard. Its time like these that I question Cuban, and if this might not be another example of other teams owners/gm's not liking the Maverick Owner.

2. I understand the idea that Artest brings another top tier level guy to your team, but did the Rockets really need a player like Artest? They already have one of the best defensive 2/3's in Shane Battier, and while Artest brings more scoring, are they planing on reducing Battier's minutes/role? I don't know if that's a good idea.

Crazy thought here, what if this is a set up trade to an even bigger one? Its no secret that the Rockets need a PG, and there have been rumors of the Rockets flirting with a T-Mac for Chauncy idea. Now if that happens, this trade makes much more since. Billups,Battier, Artest, Scola, Yao. That's a nice starting five.

As I kiss goodbye to my hopes of a Kidd/Artest/Dirk trifecta, i turn you all to our friends at the Dream Shake.

They love the rockets like I love big ol asses.

Stories I'm tired of, and those I'd like to read more about

Unlike Big, I still watch ESPN with the hopes that one day it will return to it's mid-90's glory and I'll be there to witness it. (For those of you who didn't know, Big has been able to quit watching ESPN, but he can't quit smoking. Go figure.)

Here are three stories that, quite frankly, I'm fucking tired of and would rather they focused on a different story.

---

What I'm tired of - Brett Favre
I don't think you're surprised by this at all, are you? Who isn't tired of hearing about this? It's become like the Mellencamp "This is Our Country" commercial. You just want to ram your head into the wall over and over to make it stop.

What I'd rather know - The Seahawks running backs
Will they go back committee? Are they actually going to pick a certain guy to be "they guy"? Do they really think that either Maurice Morris or Julius Jones can do anything behind Walter Jones and a bunch of spares?

---

What I'm tired of - Manny being Manny
I think this phrase has officially become anthrax to my ears. Never mind that I hate Boston with a vehemence that rivals cities like Houston or Raleigh. I'm just tired of hearing about what might or might not happen. If he gets traded, then sure, it's huge, spend time on it and interview Theo. Otherwise?

What I'd rather know - CC Sabathia's major competition for the NL Cy Young is his own teammate
How do the Brewers not get more headlines? How can ESPN spend more time on Yankees/Red Sox and ignore Cubs/Brewers which is ten times more important right now. Since the trade, Sabathia has been on fire, and could be the "Kevin Garnett" move of the season to net a title. Oh yeah, did anyone mention that Ben Sheets was ALREADY kicking ass before Sabathia got there?

---

What I'm tired of - Michelle Wie
I can't even fathom why she should be a news story at all, let alone why PGA tournaments still think there is any fire behind the bit of letting her play. Go away, Michelle Wie. Keep getting plugged by one or both of the Lopez twins and go play college golf. Let Ochoa and Creamer dominate women's golf now that Annika is gone, and the media can focus more on Gulbis.

What I'd rather know - Phil lost his boobs
Phil Mickelson has trimmed down quite a bit since being a tour favorite buxom sex pot. No, you're not misreading that, and I didn't mean Amy Mickelson. Lefty had the most bodacious set of man boobs since Mabel was wrestling, and now they're gone. Isn't that a workout that should be as widely followed as Atkins or whatever people are using these days?

Big's Pre Preseason Preview, the AFC

I was thinking about how to "preview" the NFL, i really didn't know how to go about it. I started writing a team by team bit, but my brain was so scattered with thoughts that i didn't make it trough one div, and it was already 4 pages. So that was out. So i thought, lets go game by game and just pick winners, not looking at what their overall record at the time would be, just picking winners game by game, and then tally them all at the end of the year and see where it lead me. So that's what I did. Here is the AFC, and what went down. Its not perfect, but it was fun, and really showed what I thought of certain teams without looking at the big picture. I truly don't think this is what will happen, but its a good starting point.

AFC

AFC EAST

New England Patriots 14-2
Buffalo Bills 8-8
Miami Dolphins 6-10
New York Jets 5-11

AFC NORTH

Cleveland Browns 10-6
Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6
Cincinnati Bengals 8-8
Baltimore Ravens 4-12

AFC SOUTH

Jacksonville Jaguars 12-4
Houston Texans 11-5
Indianapolis Colts 10-6
Tennessee Titans 9-7

AFC WEST

San Diego Chargers 13-3
Denver Broncos 7-9
Kansas City Chiefs 6-10
Oakland Raiders 2-14

Like I said, I didn’t really look at the overall record till the end of the picking of games. Here are some thoughts on what will go wrong with what I did above.

Houston will not win 11 games. I have thought over the past 3 or 4 years that this team was on the verge of becoming a legit team in the AFC, but they never do, and I don’t truly expect them to do it this year. 8 wins? Maybe. 11? Almost impossible.

In fact I don’t really like how the whole AFC South played out. I think Indy is the best team in that div, yet I don’t even have them making the playoffs. I think Jacksonville is good, but not 12 wins good. And how can you count out the Titian's? They always seem to make a late push and make the playoffs.

Oakland has such a potently strong defense with what might be the best non pacman secondary, that they should win more than 2 games. I’m not talking playoffs, but somewhere in the 5-6 range sounds about right. Denver could be much better or much worse than 7-9, they have so many “if this guy pans out…” guys that its about a 4 game swing with them in my book.

Same thing with Baltimore. If Flaco can be a solid QB, or they get Favre, then they could swing 6 games up and be a contender for the playoffs, but as constructed I just don’t see them winning more than 6 games.

Miami will be better with some of the “Parcels guys” that big Bill brought in, and the return of Ronnie Brown, but don’t expect playoffs this year. That team is still a few years away.

New England is the tits, as is San Diego, and those two teams, I believe, will be facing each other in the playoffs again this year.

Team that has the biggest chance to surprise people:

New York Jets – They have a good coaching staff, and if they can get some good RB play this year, don’t count out Chad Pennington and the Jets to have a bounce back season.

Team Most Likely to Disappoint:

Cleveland Browns. Last year was a “hey this team is pretty good” year. How will they be this year when they are expected to win? They could either be the 2006 Chargers, or 2007 Saints.

Something that should happen by week 8.

Carson Palmer QB Cinn – I totally expect him to snap at some point this year, going on a Lattimer like rampage, whither it be because his defense can’t stop a third grade pick up game offense, or one of his receivers doing something stupid, like I don’t know, pulling their dingus out on TV after a TD and getting suspended for the rest of the season.

your monday morning MMA

I don't know if this is going to become a staple around here, but I did catch the MMA fights this weekend, and wanted to share a bit with you.

It looks like we now have 3 promotions that are really trying to take over the MMA world. There is the big dog, the UFC, who has probably 95% of the best fighters in the sport. Big stars such as Anderson Silva, George St. Perrie, Chuck Lidell and BJ Penn are what make this promotion great. Every PPV is a much watch for the most part, and they put on free shows on Spike TV that really help keep them in the forefront of the sport. They aren't going anywhere.

Then you have the newest Affliction promotion, who is trying to go the same rout as UFC and is offering big named fighters, who are either fed up with the UFC, or not even signed by them, big contracts to fight for them. The biggest example is heavyweight Fedor Emelianenko, who is regarded as by far the best heavyweight in MMA.

Then you have the little Elite XC. These guys are the only MMA that is on prime time network TV, they have a deal with CBS to show a card once every couple of months on Saturday evening, and they have some legit fighters, Robbie Lawler and Jake Sheilds, who are among the best in Elite, but would be middle of the pack guys in UFC. What separates Elite from the other is two things; First they have Kimbo Slice, the oft talked about former homeless guy/porno strongman, as their biggest draw, and while not a pure MMA guy, and he would probably get demolished by any good fighter, he is fun to watch and worth the price of admission. Second they have the best women fighters in MMA.

The first go around on CBS a few months ago featured all of these elements on the first CBS show for Elite. We were introduced to Kimbo Slice and watched him explode an ear, we saw a great stand up MMA fight between Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith that ended in controversy, and we were introduced to the face of women MMA, Gina Carano, and were pleased.

Last Saturday was round 2 for the upstart Elite XC on CBS. This card introduced us to a few more of the promotions better fighters, and gave us the rematch of Robbie Lawler and Scott Smith.

The show started with what once was thought of as a gimmick, but now what might be the most legit thing XC has, the women's division. The last fight a smoking hot Gina Carano beat the shit of some chick, and it wasn't disgusting, like i thought it would be, and it wasn't "cat fight" esque like other thought it would be, but it was just a good fight, with two professional fighters, and it doesn't hurt at all that the hot one turned out to be the better fighter. So that brings us to this last sat, where 2 of the top women in MMA went at it, the winner to probably face Gina at the next show in October. The two fighters were Brazil's Cristiane "Cris Cyborg" Santos and American Shayna Baszler. Here's a pic of Cyborg(and yes they called her cyborg the whole night)


Get more pictures like this from SHERDOG.COM

an imposing beast for sure.

Her opponent was no sloth either, Shayna Baszler was 12-0 going into the fight will all 12 wins coming from submission I think. It was even mentioned that she tapped someone out using the STF. A move i thought only worked in pro wrestling.

The Fight jumped off with Baszler shooting for Cyborgs legs, almost getting her in some sort of knee lock, that must have just made Cyborg angry, as she then started to beat the shit out of Baszler. At one point, Cyborg landed a clean hit that knocked Blaszler down, the fight should have been stopped as a KO, at least so thought Cyborg who started to celebrate and even jumped up on the cage top to cheer, the ref stood there like "uhh miss Cyborg, would you like to finish the match?" She finally understood and walked over to a glass eyed Baszler and pummeled her till the ref said stop.

A fun fight to watch, and sets up nice for the Sexy, everybody favorite Carano vs the freakish, Brazilian Cyborg. That's going to be fun.

The rest of the fight card was good, we got to see the best welterweight outside of the UFC, Jake Sheilds, choke out Nick Thompson, and then Nick Diaz show the world what it ment to be a patent fighter as he just played defense and conserved energy for a whole round against his opponent, Thomas Denny , only to explode on him in the second when he was tired.

The main event was a rematch from the last shows best fight, Robbie Lawler defending his 185lbs strap vs Scott Smith. The last fight was fun because it was mostly a stand up fight, with the guys exchanging blows on a regular basis. This one was no different, but you could see that Robbie Lawler, who may be the best true fighter in EliteXC, didn't want to leave any doubt he was the better man in this one.

Lawler was cut early and the blood seamed to fuel him to start a powerful barrage on Smith's mid section that stoped the fight after a few big knees and pops to the face.

The fight was good, not as good as the first one, but with Gus Johnson calling the fight, you thought it was Ali-Frazer. I don't believe there is anyone outside of pro wrestling who gets excited like Gus. There is lots of "IF the world collided into a thousand pieces and every piece spawned great fighters, you still wouldn't see a fight like this!!!!!" You gotta love him.

All in all a nice MMA night for EliteXC. They have a long way to go to catch up to the UFC, but they are trying. And they have now put up two very entertaining shows, and I'm looking forward to October when they will be on prime time again, and this time they will bring both Carano and Kimbo, so stay tuned.

So...why aren't we posting anything "good"?

I'll let you in on a secret: we're both busy.

That being said, our dear, sweet, sexy readers, expect a deluge of posts in the coming weeks.

Big's gone into his "football fortress of solitude". He is compiling reports of pro training camps, college media days and high school two-a-days. He's about to go football all over your asses.

Also, this blogosphere is about to be introduced to a new character: "Olympic Big". Just you wait.

As for me? Once I'm back in town, I'm gonna break down the NBA vs. the Euroleagues, I guess. I don't really know. Maybe cut and paste Ranger trade scenarios from Uwe Blog (or just link him up...read the blog roll on the right.)

Just you sit tight. The sports flash is about to hit. Until then, you just have to make do with give up posts.



Here's an example, I'll take a crack at Big's bit and translate the lyrics to a popular song.

Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl"

Translated lyrics: I'm a lesbian who's going to pretend to be straight so dumb shits like Bear and Brown will keep buying drinks.

See? That's not that hard.

I don't understand the science of this...

(You try coming up with a proper Google image search for this story when you're at work.)

Hat tip: Unprofessional Foul via With Leather

I like soccer. I'm a fan of soccer. I watch it on television and I play in a local league. That being said, I'm going to have to make a call to the bull pen and ask the specialist, Chillumsworth (second mention today, way to go buddy!), to help me understand this story.

As part of their pre-match kitting up, some Cape Town soccer players are slipping on condoms on their feet, so that their socks can stay up longer during matches.

So, do they actually roll magnums on to their feet? Isn't the biggest problem to sock rolling off the shin/calf area? I use athletic tape pretty liberally, and if I compare the costs, a pack of six rolls of athletic tape is cheaper than a box of condoms. (Before you make the joke, yes, I have purchased a box of condoms before. It was 1998, and I'm still trying to finish the same box, but I've bought a box.) Are these condoms lubricated? I'd imagine that would increase slippage and not help keep things on.

If that's not confusing enough, doesn't South Africa have one of the worst AIDS epidemics in the world? In fact, isn't that one of the fears for the World Cup in 2010 regarding players and prostitutes?

That would explain it, though. Free condoms to prevent AIDS? Nah, we're good, but we sure can use something to hold our socks on.

Nelson Mandela does not approve.

Your good morning stuff

Sir Arther sent us a good video of a few things. They are funny, and with the countdown to Training camp only a day away, I'll take all the help I can get for posts.

Yes, I'm that lazy.

First, your weather for the next 6 weeks.



And now, one (of many I'm sure) kid, 5 years old, that can kick my ass.



Was that Redman training him?

What the hell is this?

If you have been watching ESPN, or had it on, then you've seen commercials for the X Games with this dude above, "Darkmane". Usually he says something like "I hate Brian Deegan" or "I hate the X Games."

Two questions:
1) ESPN is never going to go back to sports, is it?
2) Who the fuck watches the X Games anymore?

Shifts in the NFC East and Oklahoma City got an Arena League Team!

Jason Taylor becomes a Redskin
This broke when both of the Redskin defensive ends tore up their knees and ankles and Dan Snyder found an older free agent to sign up to play. Does this improve the Redskins? Yes...though they're still pretty thin, and Phil Daniels was good DE anyway. Parcells gets rid of a guy he didn't like. Taylor gets to work for a guy who knows Tom Cruise, so he can get in to the Hollywood scene much quicker.

Jeremy Shockey goes to the Saints
Okay, so right now this is just "sources", but they're Jay Glazer's sources, so I'll believe it. Shockey in New Orleans is an upgrade for them. Shockey out of New York is an upgrade for them. What happens when Shockey realizes he's not the main celebrity on the team? It's Reggie Bush and his big ass girlfriend...right?

Oh yeah, did you see that Oklahoma City apparently got an Arena League football team? Wait, you mean the Thunder is the name of the basketball team? Really? Is that a play on words because they used to be the Sonics? Are you fucking kidding me? I'm supposed to believe that because the buy rate on a brand new team (that's shitty, by the way) is high that this means success? Ask the city of Vancouver how much they loved the Grizzlies to start and why they're in Memphis now. Exactly how much of a market does the "Thunder" command? Let's see...

North Texas? Nope, that's the Mavericks
North East Texas/Arkansas? Nope, that's the Mavericks and Hornets
West Texas/New Mexico? Nope, that's the Suns, Mavericks, Rockets and Spurs
Kansas/Colorado? Nope, that's Nugget territory
Missouri? No, that's Bulls, Pacer and Grizzly territory

So exactly what market is going to support the Thunder? Everyone likes their new toy when they get it, and then they forget about it. This is going to fail miserably, and I hope Clay Bennett realizes the black eye he's given to the NBA.

Couldn't agree more

A friend of ours, and lead political guy, Nayfa sent me this this morning. I really don't think I could agree more.

Does anyone really care if Danica Patrick got into an argument with some shitty driver from Venezuela? Can we please stop seeing crap like this latest spat unless there are titties flying out? At least let there be hair pulling or something.

I’m not trying to be an asshole here but she’s a race car driver. Nobody gives a shit about her sport, specifically IRL. So here it is, no more Danica Patrick unless she’s naked or blowing me or something.

-Deranged in Thailand.


In case you didn't watch Sportscenter this morning, where they make this sound like Ali/Frasier, here's the video.



Fucking Skanks

Monday Morning MMA

So while you were out at the lake this weekend, sipping on some cold miller chills, in your new speed boat that's tied to a party barge, and trying ohh so hard not to get your perfectly spiked fohawk wet, there was some pretty good sports going down.

(why do I think all our readers are douchebags?)

I'm going to start with a little post about MMA. On a list of sports that I watch it falls somewhere behind Wrestling and Basketball, but just right in front of Baseball and Golf. That's why this is site is so great, Brown digs the slow, sports, I watch the good ones!

This weekend had 2 big MMA shows, one on PPV, and one was free.

Guess which one I watched?

(hint: PBR, while not as tasty as Miller Lite, you will often find me with a can of it at a bar)

The PPV was put on by a new MMA promoter, and suppler of douchebag appeal across the country, Affliction. Affliction is one of the many MMA joints trying to take a shot at UFC, the undisputed MMA champ right now. Every other promoter has a "gimmick" that they think will help them close the gap between them and the UFC, whether its giving young guys who fight really really hard TV time(WEC), or employing a body guard from a porn site (Elite XC and Kimbo), and this one is no different. Affliction tryed to take the best of both worlds form their fellow upstarts and signed a fighter who many believe to be the best Heavyweight in the world, Fedor Emelianenko.

Fedor is muay thai bad ass who doesn't just kick ass, he really does just beat bitches up. The rest of the card from what I've read was good, but the only reason to buy this fight was to see Fedor. He fought a former UFC Heavy hitter in Tim Silvia, and he did what Fedor does, he beat his ass.



I really don't know how good this guy is, but from what people that know mma, he's the shit. Problem is there isn't a heavyweight that's on his leval that he can fight, unless your name is Randy Coulter, and UFC won't release him(for good reason) and let him fight Fedor in Affliction.

The other fight this weekend was a free show put on the big boys over at UFC on Spike TV, and the headline fight was Anderson "The Spider" Silva vs. James "The N Hateing Dolphin" Irvin. Silva is regarded as the best pound for pound fighter in MMA right now, and he usually fights at 185, where he's the champ, but he bulked up to 205(light heavyweight), to take on Irvin. While I couldn't embed this video on this site, go over to MMA Linker to watch the fight. It only lasts about a min as Silva catches a kick from Irvin with one hand, and punches his face in with the other. Pretty effin bad ass. Go watch the fight, you wont be disappointed. I don't know where Silva will go next, he said in a interview after the fight that his first duty is to defend his middle weight belt at 185, but if the better fights are at 205, then this won't be the last time you see him as a light heavy. Side note, that would be effing awesome if he stayed at 205. I would pay mucho money to see Silva vs. Griffen, or Silva vs. Lidell.

The whole reason UFC put the fight on cable in stead of PPV was to try and bury Affliction's first PPV ever, by giving the fans just a big a star fighting on free tv instead of pay tv. Don't know if it worked, but I sure as shit watched the Spider over Fedor.

Good MMA Weekend.

Come on, you know you want to.

The mav's have finally made some noise in the off season. They have offered the sad Sack Kings Stack, and Bass for Ron-Ron.

The info that I've found has said the Kings want more, specifically Josh Howard and Bass.

Now if the first one of just Stack and Bass for Ron Artest, I would do that one in a moment. Give me the starting lineup of Kidd, Artest, Howard, Dirk, and Damp, with JET and Diop coming off the bench? Fuck and Yes.

Now if they have to have Howard for Artest, the lineup of Kidd, Artest, Dirk, Damp and who? JET? Jones? George? not quite as scary.

I would probably still do it, and see if I can get a first round pick left as well, that might make me go all in.

Break Down, Artest - Bass, Stack - Yes

Artest - Bass, Howard - No

Artest+number 1 - Bass, Howard, Stack - Reluctant, but yes.

I am not scared to let you all know i'm a Ron Ron guy. I think him pluss kidd and dirk are a pretty good 3 some. Come on Mav's........DO IT.........

Count the Douchebag-ism

Here is a email from a friend of TB&TB. See if you can count and list all of the Douche bag-ism in it.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to feed my iguana before I run to the gym
for my legs day so I can work on my quads and listen to Randy Travis’ album
(which is totally sick, by the way) that just dropped on my iPod via my
DJ-sized, noise-canceling headphones and then help Susie out with her form
during her squats, followed by my Starbucks fix whilst I talk to Gruber on my
Bluetooth earpiece and wave on the guy on my right who clearly stopped after I
did. Then I need to stop at the ATM and pick up some coin for GNO at OTB
where I’ll order some pollo flautas, after which I’ll have to hurry up to Andy’s on the Square to show off my new going-out shirt, get my hand stamped and see
the opening band. It’s gonna be a fun night!

Cheers!

Here, I'll start with my fav. "pick up some coin" only douche bags say coin.

Also it would have been even nicer if he used the phrase "toothin" when talking about his blue tooth.

(it was J-Bizzle)

(don't act like your not surprised)

(he was totally kidding when he wrote it, he's not that much of a d-bag)

(or is he......?)

Maybe this will restore your faith in baseball

Hat tip: With Leather

Too often we look at the professional athlete and think, "man these guys are a bunch of spoiled, agent-fueled, media-scared robots that care only for money and don't have fun."

At least I find myself thinking that at times when I can damn near quote interview answers before they are given.

Then I read a story like this and I remember that these guys are really just a bunch of dudes who play a sport for a living, and they have fun doing it.

That's right. The stoic, Ranger-killing outfielder, Ichiro, is actually the Japanese Dave Chapelle.

“I know how important it is to the game,” Ichiro said. “I’m more concentrated at that moment than I am in the game.”

A wide grin spread across his face. Ichiro’s secret had been exposed, so, hey, why not have fun with it?

He crafts his public portrayal similar to the image he projects on the field: a technician, a warrior, a Ph.D. in stoicism. In reality, Ichiro’s All-Star teammates love him for his wicked sense of humor and sly deceit, shown with a vocabulary far more expansive than he leads on.

...

“If you’ve never seen it, it’s definitely something pretty funny,” Morneau said. “It’s hard to explain, the effect it has on everyone. It’s such a tense environment. Everyone’s a little nervous for the game, and then he comes out. He doesn’t say a whole lot the whole time he’s in there, and all of a sudden, the manager gets done with his speech, and he pops off.”

No Tiger doesn't mean no open

I know, with Tiger Woods out due to knee herpes, the world has seemingly turned its collective back on golf.

Not me.

This weekend marks the British Open, and, you guessed it, there's no stories and no buzz surrounding it. Most of the Americans not named Eldrick tend to suck in Scotland. Remember, links courses aren't like the U.S. Open...they don't trick shit up on purpose, they let the elements do that for them. Howling winds and sand traps that are more like craters...usually some rain for good measure.

If you want the tournament to be interesting, you'd better hope the rain picks up and the wind is tornadic, otherwise it's just going to be drive the green and putt putt putt.

My pick to win: Geoff Ogilvy. Tremendous ball striker who's fairly good at everything else.

Lets make this happen

Browns right. He's a man beast. Best thing to happen to Rangers Baseball in a long time. He already has a big fan base that will only get bigger after last night. All big time fan bases need a cool name to call themselves. He is no different.

So with that....



I am now a HamelTOE.

Lets make this name stick. For all us HamelTOEs out there.

Number 2 in the Derby, Number 1 in Your Heart

I think I speak for most Texas Rangers fans when I say...

Holy. Jesus. Santa. Baby. God.

On this, the slowest sports day of the year...

...we turn to YouTube.

Courtesy of your friends, Ben and Skin, via their Boogie Spot Blog.

The Jedi Gym

"Don't act!"

Does my umbrella protect me from fire in the sky?

Hat tip: Tirico Suave

In relation to Big's post earlier today, I'm going to have to say that I think the world might just be ending.

Stephen A. Smith has made a salient point...and I agree.

God's on an All-Star Break as well, because I'll be damned if this shit isn't supposed to happen. Next think you know, Skip Bayless might start hanging out with Hip Hop stars.

SON OF A BITCH!

Please don't jinx the Rangers because of this

Okay, so it's a well known fact around these parts that I have an irrational fear of the "jinx factor". Seriously, I know everything there is to know about Texas Longhorn sports, but if you ask me I won't say a word because I'm afraid of jinxing my team.

That's why you didn't see many Mavs posts from me during the stretch run that counted. That's why you haven't seen any Rangers posts from me so far. The Rangers are doing well, and I don't want to ruin that.

With that in mind, it's the All-Star Break, so I thought maybe I could slip a post in and the Sports Gods wouldn't notice...

---

How your Texas Rangers match up with the cast of "Major League"

=

Jake Taylor = Milton Bradley

Jake Taylor's the beaten up, old, cast off catcher that the league has forgotten. He's still got the ability to play, but he's got a bad repuation now (his for injuries) and no one in the league's giving him a chance. He gets his chance and leads the team and is a great teammate.

Milton Bradley's an MLB cast off that the league has forgotten as well. He's got a bad reputation (him for being crazy), but he's not been given a chance by anyone. Since getting his chance, Bradley's been a leader on the team and is kicking tail.

=
Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn = C.J. Wilson

Both are pitchers. Both depend on a fastball that just flies and doesn't really move. Both are better known for being "that guy you'd sure like to party with". Both have control issues. I think this was a no-brainer.

=
Roger Dorn = Michael Young

The "All Star" on the team who seems like he might be more interested in how his future financial prospects are going as opposed to playing. When on the field, has the tendency to "ole" balls at short. When actually fired up to play, not gonna find one better. By the way, this is Dorn from the first movie, not the bumbling idiot from the second. (I refuse to admit the third one happened, regardless of Bakula.)

=
Rachel Phelps = Tom Hicks

I'd say this one explains itself...I just hope the Rangers aren't using a nude picture of Tom Hicks and are removing pieces of clothing after a win.

=
Lou Brown = Ron Washington

They're both managers. They kind of sound alike. I'm pretty sure Ron Washington could be found selling tires just as easily as managing a baseball team.

=
Willie Mays Hayes = Ian Kinsler

Speedy lead off hitters. Look like they play just because they enjoy playing the game. High range factors. I'm talking about Wesley Snipes and not "Black Thunder" Mike Tomlin.

=
Charlie Donovan = Nolan Ryan

Doesn't really have a lot of power in the front office. Really just there so fans can see an old player. Likes to hang out and reminisce with the guys.

=
Eddie Harris = Kevin Millwood

Kevin Millwood isn't exactly old, but with the way he's been pitching lately this seemed like a fair comparison. First of all, he seems like a guy who would utter the phrase "you tellin' me Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?" Second, he seems like a guy who's hiding Vagisil, Ben-Gay, Vaseline and pepper juice all over his body.

=
Pedro Cerrano = "Max Damage" Josh Hamilton

"If joo lookin fo da leetle home runh hittah..." All Power. All Bad Ass. Probably sacrifices chickens in the club house to a) divert his cocaine hunger and b) get more power.

=
Harry Doyle = Josh Lewin

Yes, Josh Lewin is on television. No, Josh Llewyn does not have the voice of Bob Uecker. However, the enthusiasm that Lewin has on the smallest thing that happens in a game, just seems like a great comparison. However, if I had to guess, I'd say that TAG is the one getting drunk in the booth.

Well, it needs to be done.

Ugh.

Look, very few things beat me down with sports talk and coverage worse than the off season drama that places like the WWL or SportsIllistrated or even Fox Sports shove down our throats during the off season of sports. Whether it be the mindless and seemingly endless talk of Barry Bonds and his Horse Drugs, or whether or not there should be a college football post season tourney, it always seems to me that every year something gets just grabbed hold of and the people that "report" sports do nothing but beat us down with it.

This year, as the same as last year, and the year before that, we have been over saturated with a country bumpkin named Brett Favre. If you haven't heard about his whole ordeal yet, your probably living under a rock. The story is interesting only slightly to me, and since the whole effing world is talking about it, I'm going to give you my two cents, just this once, and won't talk about it again till training camp starts.

All right here goes my take.

Favre is the "christian good girl" that you pick up at a bar. She's a little drunk and wants some sex, but hey, she's a good girl and she is going to make you work for it. She wants you to buy her drinks, and her friends drinks and sit with her, and hold her hand, and tell her how pretty she is. You think "man this sucks, but this girl is so fine, I'll put with this crap just to get her home, I know she'll be just banging in the sack." You get her home, and despite her always saying "I'm a good girl, I'm a good girl" she is banging in the sack.

Next time at the bar you see her again. She wants you to do the same thing again, buy the drinks, hold the hand, sit with her, pamper her, then you get her home and its good, but not nearly as good as last time.

A few night later you see this other chick at the bar, and she is fine, but not a dime piece, like the good girl. She is a little frumpy and her hair is kinda crazy, but she has potential. You talk to her and you find out she is one cool ass chick. You start putting the moves on her and getting her set up so you can take her home tonight, but then in walks the good girl. Instantly she starts making you buy her drinks, and wants to hold your hand, you keep looking over the frumpy girl, but you can't do any thing because you know if the good girl goes home with anybody else you'll feel like a punk. You do all the things the good girls wants you to do, but you start thinking if the booty is really that good?

A few nights later the good girl says she's done with you and that she doesn't need you around her anymore. Part of you is sad, because you know that girl was the shit, for all her faults, you know that for the rest of your life you may never have a better piece of ass, and for a brief moment you were the king of the world. But now, the bar scene is a little different, but kind of exciting again. Then the frumpy girl walks in, and you remember how much potential you saw in her, and behind her is young chick, who has all the right assets to become another dime piece, but isn't there yet.

You start talking to these two laddies, getting ready to take the frumpy girl home for a shot in the dark to see what she is really made of, and you laid the ground work with the young chick incase frumpy doesn't work out you could give her a shot.

All of the sudden in walks the good girl again. And she wants to hold hands, and be a couple "one last time."

So what do you do?

Do you go with the girl who made you famous and will probably be the best POA that you will ever get in your life? The one that took you to the top of the mountain in everybody eyes, and when your with her, people love you, and say "look there that super couple, I love them."

Or do you go with the frumpy girl and young chick? Frumpy already said if you go home with good girl, you can forget about every getting with me.

What do you do?

What
do
you
do
?

(Credits=
You - Green Bay Packers
Good Girl - Bret Favre
Frumpy Girl - Aaron Rodgers
Young Chick - Brain Bhrom)