Wrestlemania Thoughts and a GMV

I know, I know, we have been back in town for a few days and not posted anything about the much ballyhooed blog trip to Wrestlemania 25, and I'm sure all you sexy readers are all wondering just what the whole trip was like.

Did we play wrestlemania bingo?

Did we meet any famous people?

Do we do cocaine off a strippers ass with Mikey Rorke?

Well, yes, yes, and ohh dear lord yes.

Let me give you some of my thoughts on what went down this last weekend. Over all I would like to point out that this trip was as hyped in my mind as any I have taken in the last couple of years. It was with 3 great friends, to a fun city, in a nice hotel, for an event I really wanted to witness. So even with all that hype, the trip was truly great.

Here are some highlights. We pretty much submersed ourselves in all things wrestling. We watched old Wrestlemania's in the hotel, met other wrestling fans in on the street, made wrestling signs like the one you saw on Bear's post, and so on. We even shelled out some money to go to the WWE fan Access on Saturday.

Now Access is a fan event held every year by WWE during Wrestlemania week and its kind of a "lets give back to the fans" bit that is truly geared toward kids and uber "its still real to me dammit" fans. We got to see some dark matches(matches not shown on TV), look at Wrestlemania artifacts, see old championship belts, they even had a thing where you could record your own entrance, or call a famous match from a pretend booth. We didn't do the last two because the line's were way, way to long, but we had fun none the less.

The main attraction at Access was meeting your favorite WWE superstars. They had about 4 or 5 locations, where if you waited in line, you got to meet 2 WWE people and shake hands and get an autograph. After walking around for a bit, we saw that at one place, the wrestlers were about to change, so not knowing who was going to take there place, we jumped in line. Turned out to be Ron Simmons and Maria.





Two things about this whole ordeal that I would like to point out. One: Maria is good looking yes, and she was in playboy last year, which made for a kind of awkward hand shaking as all you could think about in your mind was her naked, and what shameful things you have done to yourself while looking at her pics. Ohh while she is most def good looking, she isn't as "damn your hot" as you might think. We all agreed that we knew girls who were just as good looking as she was, and alot less orange.

Two: It was in this line that we saw the most die hard fan of the whole weekend. There was this guy, probably pushing 300 to 350lbs, wearing a sleeveless wwe t-shirt, and his whole left arm was covered in Autograph tats. Upon closer look we knoticed the names John Cena and Golddust. Yup, this guys arm was covered in tats, including 3 or 4 fresh ones that couldn't have been done but a day ago, of wrestlers autographs. Now that's a fan.

As to not make this post take up the entire first page of our blog, I'm going to break up the wrestlemaina experience into a two peicer, the other one coming sometime later today I hope.

I leave you with the wrestler that may have come out with the most wtf references from the 4 of us during the weekend.

He's Cool. He's Cocky. He's Bad. He's the Honky Tonk Man.

More from the Bear

We challenged you, you responded (kinda), and here is your prize, I present, without edit, the ramblings of Victor the Bear.

Wrestlemania 25 From the Eyes of a Casual Fan

I’m sure you’re already tired of reading my posts. I was thinking of doing this in my Championship acceptance speech but I think it warrants its own posting. As all of you know, myself, Big, Brown and El Blogador attended Professional Wrestling’s greatest spectacle this weekend by attending Wrestlemania 25. I’m not a fan like Big, Brown and Blogador are. I used to watch religiously back in high school but just sort of grew out of it, or so I thought. Well last year Big and Brown accepted me into watching it with them at a time I just needed out of my house. Lately I’ve tried to make it a point to watch it with them, but if we don’t all get together to watch I’m usually at the gym, or watching Chuck and Heroes. But there’s something to be said for attending one of these events, witnessing it live and right in front of you. If you’re looking for a breakdown of the match’s, or to talk about how many mullets we saw, or David Carr jerseys, I’ll leave that to Big and Brown.

Anyways, so when Brown got tickets to Wrestlemania 25 I was on the fence about going because A. How am I going to pay for this? And B. Am I a fan enough to enjoy this? Once I was able to pay for it I just figured I’m going to go down with no expectations and just enjoy the weekend. Well I was truly blown away. It was a great time, and I have a great lasting impression from being there. I tell everyone that even if you don’t like professional wrestling because you know it’s fake, or you think it’s childish, or beneath you, I say GO, GO, GO! It’s an amazing experience and just being there, surrounded by all the fans that come from all over the world to see this and feeling their energy during each match, this was one of the best events I’ve ever been to. It’s entertainment people… and damn they know how to entertain.

Slim Shady dosn't like Dallas fans

Eminem's new music video(yes they still make music video's) has some "interesting" stuff in it. Personally, I think its genius, but it may piss off some Cowboy fans, as he plays catch dressed as Tony Romo, with a big girl dressed like Jessica Simpson. The song is called "We made you,"

Song, not that great.

Video, pretty damn funny.



if video dosn't load, here is the youtube link (they don't want embeding on the tube, you know, cuz then people would see it)

To the victor (the bear) goes the spoils

We challenged you, you responded(kinda), and here is your prize, i present, without edit, the ramblings of Victor the Bear.

The Champ Is Here… The Champ Is Here!



Well since I’ve never been one to turn down a chance to toot my horn I will gladly accept my winnings from TB&TB Bracket Challenge. No, I’m not going to sit here and thank North Carolina for living up to my expectations. I’m not going to sit here and gloat on the fact that I ended with 1420 points… 400 more than Brown, 680 more than the reigning champ, Big, and 820 more than who I’m assuming is Gerry Dorsey. I’m not going to sit here and tout that at one point I was ranked in the top 70,000 of all the ESPN Brackets. I’m not going to sit here and call out the people I know who voted for our current President didn’t follow his bracket and picked against him, way to support your choice gents! I’m not going to sit here and give the stereotypical acceptance speech thanking God. No sir, I’m not going to do any of that. But what I am going to do is use this moment in the limelight to talk a little SPORTS and what has gone on and what is coming up.



BASEBALL

Our Texas Rangers beat the 2008 Cy Young winner Cliff Lee and, the Baltimore Orioles beat the Yankees Sabathia and their ridiculous lineup. What I think is bittersweet here is that I love to see A-Rod fail, but since he’s out on injury (funny how long it takes to recover from an injury when you don’t have steroids) it’s just as great to see Teixeira fail. How about his opening day line… 4 at bats, 0 runs, 0 hits 1 walk and he left 5 guys on base. Love it. As far as the Rangers go… can we just call it a season now? I’ve been a Ranger fan my entire life, even went to the last Night game at the old Arlington Stadium. Yet I’m so on the fence with this team every year. I heard an interesting tid-bit of information that this is the first opening day win since 2003, it’s the most runs they’ve scored on opening day since 2000 and the fewest runs allowed since 1989. Seriously… can we just call it a season now?



GOLF

Yes, I’m white and I enjoy golf! But it’s Masters time fast approaching and don’t know if you knew this but Tigers back. I’m sorry if you like someone else on the tour, so do I but you can’t disclaim anything Tiger has done for the sport. He’s made this an intensely competitive event (not that it wasn’t before, but more so when he’s there) and the Joe Schmo fan doesn’t want to see a Sunday pairing of Trevor Immelman and Geoff Ogilvy. I’m not going to discredit these golfers skill and history but it’s so much better to see Tiger in his Nike Red shirt Sunday afternoon.



FOOTBALL

Burress released and Cutler released. Nothing there got my sports pants all that excited, but I know it gives way to some fun back and forth’s over beers at the bar. Burress getting released was no surprise. I think we’ll all see him dawning the Black and Silver of a Raiders uniform along with Michael Vick. That is if Vick doesn’t end up in the Mark Cuban XFL ver. 2 League like Brown thinks and I don’t exactly disagree. Cutler was just 2009’s Favre quarterback baby temper tantrum. I think Carl Badlander put this one perfectly in that the draft picks were nice. Guess we’ll see if Orton is better with more talented, taller, receivers. I still think they’re targeting Sanchez from USC and are going to package some picks to move up to get him.

No, we’re not taking the week off

We’re just recovering from an awesome Wrestlemania weekend that saw one of the greatest matches in the history of pro wrestling, the invention of a brand new song about Mexican food and the witnessing of Big seemingly go brain dead.

While we’re in recovery, I wanted to point out that Bear did indeed win the Bracket Challenge that we held.  I was second, Big was third, and Dorsey was fourth.

Congratulations you Bear-like sumonagun.  We expect your post in the inbox soon.

Just because I wanted 25 posts this week

I present you with what might be the funniest link on the internet:

Why the F Do You Have a Kid.com

Courtesy of Gordon Keith

Carl Badlander, now on suicide watch

It’s on NFL.com in a huge banner.

Bears give up Orton, 2009 first and third rounder and a 2010 first rounder for Jay Cutler.

Wow.

One of those great bar debates

Right or Wrong, I'm getting PAID BIAOCH!

Debaters, giggle.

If your anything like me, and seeing as how there is like 4 guys who read this thing, when your out at a bar with some buddys, the conversation hits a lull as your watching some sport on TV, and then somebody throws out a crazy statement like "I think the Duncan, Manu, Parker Spurs could beat the Jordan Bulls in a 7 game series.

Its a simple trick to get talk started and debates flowing.

We had a similar type of talk when Memphis got bounced from the NCAA tourney the other day, as to whether or not their coach, John Calipari, would stay at Memphis, or jump to a "bigger" school in the college basketball landscape.

The augments were simple and pretty much down the middle 50/50. He would stay and continue to build Memphis into an elite program, or he would leave to coach one of already established big boys.

There are pros and cons for both augments.

Pros for staying:

Security: I'm pretty sure once you get Memphis to a final four like he did last year, you have bought yourself at least 5 years, 10 if you continue to make the tourney.

Branding: Duke wasn't a national power till coach K got them going, neither was Florida State, Penn State, or Va Tech in football till Bowden, JoePa, and Beemer got there. How different would we look at Memphis as a basketball power in 10 years if he stayed and won 2 or 3 titles?

Less Pressure: Until you start winning titles, and a bunch of them, in a town like Memphis, your not expected to win ever year, places like UCLA and Kentucky you are.

Pro's for Jumping:

Resume/Ego: Don't let it fool you, 90% of people love their ego stroked. And if you can be "The Guy" who got a traditional powerhouse back to the top, you would be the fucking man there. Think Bob Stoops, Pete Carrol, Jimmy Johnson, Mack Brown.

Recruiting: I had this debate with fellow college football die hard, He said that because of the downfall of Norte Dame football, smaller schools like TCU and UNT could out recruit ND. My only argument was if I walked up to a player and said "we want you to play for ND, and be a part of history," smalls schools don't have a chance.

With that in mind it is almost always easier to recruit to a big power school than a small one. Think of it like this, if Kentucky and Memphis were going after the same player, with all things equal, Kentucky will win 9 out of 10 times.

Money: And the last pro might be the biggest. Because of booster support and fan loyalty, the traditional programs can afford to pay more, and like the Million Dollar man says, Everybody has got a price! (didn't think I would do a long post with out a wrestling tie in, did ya?!)

So there is the pros, there are conns to both as well, such as pressure to preform at the big school, but as we see more and more Rutgers football coach, is the pendulum finally swinging toward staying at your small schools? I don't know, but its a fun bar debate.

Big, how much will this cost?

H/T: Sports By Brooks

How much to get Big to do this at a Mavs game?

Quick Note

That’s 20 posts this week, and it’s not even Thursday afternoon.

Quit complaining we don’t post anymore, and start commenting/emailing to help us think of more stuff to post.

Best of the Best

Yes, I’m talking about the movie, not a ranking of anything in particular.   I loved this movie growing up (still do).   In fact, sometimes, I’ll throw out a “TOMMY NO!” or "POP IT, TOMMY! POP IT!” and see if anyone picks up on it.  For the record, only El Blogador has ever picked up on a “Best of the Best” movie reference.

Anyway, I’m flipping through the on demand listings yesterday, and lo and behold, I see the movie, so I immediately download it to the DVR.  I started watching it yesterday, and the things I never gave a damn about when I was 10 really bothered me now.

First off, how am I supposed to believe that James Earl Jones is a bad ass karate coach?  James Earl Jones.  Granted, I would probably listen to the man if he ever yelled at me, but come on, nothing about James Earl Jones says karate.

Second, Eric Roberts.  I understand that Eric Roberts has his place in Hollywood.  Some might say it’s because he’s Julia’s brother, others would point to his acting.  Personally, this movie was my real first exposure to him, so I’ve always seen Eric Roberts as Alex.  However, he’s so over the top in this movie it was unintentional comedy at its finest

Third, Chris Penn.  Why the hell was Chris Penn even cast in this movie?   The cowboy character was odd in its own right because he’s billed from being from Miami, FL.  Ahh yes, lots of cowboys in Miami.  Also, why the hell was the greasy Italian guy from Detroit?  Anyway, I digress.  How the hell am I supposed to believe that Chris Penn is a karate fighter and brick breaker extraordinaire?   Shit, the character and Penn were so “good”, he was the premise for Tommy fighting in one of the sequels!

I hate the fact that I can’t watch movies I used to love now-a-days because I take such a cynical and farcical look at aspects of the movie that I really should just gloss over.   Next thing you’re going to tell me is that Angelina Jolie couldn’t actually hack into a multi-global network with a 28.8 modem that no one else owns.  DAMN IT!

Movie time!

So yea, there are a bunch of movies that i see the trailers for, think to myself "that could be funny"(Observe and Report, I love you man), and then you see a trailer like this one, that not only speaks to your soul, but during the trailer, I honestly laughed out loud.

The movie is called "The Hangover" and lord i hope its as good as the trailer.



To be honest, Anything with Zach Galifianakis, that dude is awesome.

No Effing Way

H/T: Devil Ball Golf

See that picture?  That’s just an aerial picture of a green on a new golf course in South Africa that’s been shaped to look like the entire continent of Africa.  It’s kind of cool, as this is the signature hole on this particular course.

Oh yeah, did I mention that you have to take a helicopter to the tee box because it sits 1,400 FEET OVER THE GOD DAMNED GREEN ON A MOUNTAIN!

Apparently, you tee off, and it takes almost 30 seconds for the ball to hit the ground.  If you do manage to, somehow, nail a hole-in-one you get a million dollars.

Wanna see the view from the tee box?

Jesus Herbert Christ.

GMV - Nude Music Friday

Time to look at some music!

While perusing around the YouTube world, looking for a good GMV this morning, I came across this nugget, that both plays for NMF, but also Wrestlemania week.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you, from the way back machine, the 1993 smash hit "Woa Woa, its Wrestlemania"

Lets play count the dead wrestlers (too dark?) vs count the wrestlers still preforming for the wwe now.



My count was 4-3.

I’m not sure what to say

It’s the Ho!

I saw this link on The Big Lead, and I really didn’t know what to say.  The only thing that came to mind was “Oh uh-My uh-God!'”

Chan Ho Park signed with the Phillies because they promised him the opportunity to win a job in the rotation.

He wanted that job so badly that he chose not to pitch for South Korea in the World Baseball Classic.

He learned Tuesday afternoon that those decisions paid off: he had beaten out J.A. Happ for the fifth job in the rotation.

We asked, He delivered

Ladies and gentlemen…HUGE props to our man, Uni over at unitqm, as he has provided us with the thing we wanted most.

Quite honestly, the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Big, in about 15 years.

Saw this story on CNN.com, and found myself hanging my head and questioning humanity. I might be one of the few people I know who doesn’t smoke. Big smokes. Bear smokes. Whenever we leave a bar, I smell like I’ve been hanging out with Pete Rose’s sister.

If you read the story, the old man says that the government is “picking on poor people”. I’m gonna have to call bullshit there, buddy, as I’m pretty sure that a) no one forced you start smoking and b) the amount of money you spend on cigarettes could be spent towards quitting said cigarettes.

If you didn’t read the story, the U.S. government has slapped the biggest tobacco tax ever today, almost 62 cents a pack. Pretty hefty, but do I give a shit? Nope. Do I support it? Hell yeah, I do. Why the hell shouldn’t I? Last I checked, cigarettes cause cancer. I know that. You know that. The guy struggling to walk to his mailbox knows that. To quote KSK, “NO ONE DENIES THIS!” And, I think we can all agree, cancer sucks.

The government isn’t banning cigarettes, and you’re still allowed to have them. If they were making them illegal, it’d be a different story. However, if the government wants to tax the vices of the citizens, then I say it’s a damn smart idea to build revenue. These things aren’t a necessity to live, you wanna smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol that’s fine by me, but you’d better be able to afford it. It’s not a bad thing to take the concept and apply it to marijuana either. Make it legal and tax the shit out of it. It’s a great source of revenue in these current cash strapped times.

If you smoke, either shut up and pay extra or quit smoking.

A Twitter Follow-Up, Courtesy of HotClicks

Has the NBA become too star centric?

As great as they are, are they ruining the NBA?

I’m going to ask for a little leeway and leverage on this as I feel it’s going to be a bit of a rambling rant that goes to and fro.

One can argue that the modern NBA has always been built around the phenomenon of the superstar. (I’d throw a nod at the ABA which could very well have brought this with them.) Sure, you’ve had teams that have been dominant (Showtime Lakers, Bad Boy Pistons, mid 90’s Rockets, 00’s Lakers, 00’s Spurs, etc.), but the NBA has always pushed the marketing angle, and that focus has been on the superstar.

It was an accepted practice and didn’t really dilute the game because the rules were still the rules and teams could make decent attempts to stop superstars, i.e. “the Jordan Rules” – knock the shit out of him when MJ drove the lane. You could argue that the refs had their own “Jordan Rules” and often looked the other way when he committed a foul (the infamous push off of Ehlo). However, they, I believe, attempted to at least not kid glove the superstars on the other end of the floor.

I’d say this was happening up to fairly recently, as you can recall Shaq with the Lakers commenting that he was often mugged under the boards and no one called anything because he was “too big” and people thought he could “take it”.

However, if you’ve been paying attention, things have gone a bit out of whack. I’d say this started in the 2006 Finals where the world outside of Miami saw Dwyane Wade get to the free throw line on many calls that had folks scratching their heads.

Now? Three guys can do whatever they want on the court and they will NEVER get a foul called on them. Kobe. Wade. LeBron. Watch any of their games and it’s shocking how quickly refs will swallow their whistles for those guys.

“But they’re superstars, you have to expect it.” Fair point. This is how things have changed. The other 4 guys don’t have to get involved in the final 2 minutes of a game. The superstar can drive the lane or take a contested 20 footer and get to the line EVERY SINGLE TIME. Simmons alluded to it, if you think Kobe/LeBron or Kobe/Wade isn’t happening in the Finals this year, you’re retarded.

It’s one thing to favor superstars and still allow the game to be played to feature both the star and the game. It’s completely different to sacrifice the game itself in order to feature and market the “unstoppable star”. Unfortunately, the league has turned to the latter, putting the game in the hands of the referees rather than the players and coaches.

Two Things i don't do, unless it involves a buffet

Quick Hits. (get it, I'm a big guy!)

This is such a fun time for sports, yet sometimes I find it hard to focus on any one of them long enough to write a well thought out post about them. So I'm just going to come at you rapid fire and give you my opinions on all this crazy shit.



Totally on board with Brown about twitter, my life isn't nearly entertaining enough to have somebody follow it step by step (ohh baby), but UConn superstar and certain lottery pick in next years NBA draft played on hell of a April Fools joke on every body with the above "tweet." Prue genius my friend.

Speaking of the NCAA, our good friend Victor the Bear looks almost a lock to win the TB&TB Challenge, way to pick all favorites there buddy. Really going out on a limb there chief.

So the Final 4 is set, and I other than UConn, I really don't have any interest in watching these team to be honest. Not because they are bad teams or anything, I just don't like watching Michigan State and there slow, brooding type of basketball, I hate UNC, and I know almost nothing about the small, yet quick Nova team. Good thing I'll be in H-Town this weekend. Ohh did I not tell you we are going Wrestlemania? Well we are. Be Jealous.

Fun Story out of the Land Down underAustralian Pimp Paid Teen Prostitute With Chicken Nuggets. For real, can't make this stuff up. If a girl ever gave me chicken nuggets after sex, I'm pretty sure I would marry her.

Jay Cutler, for real this time, is on the trading block. I really don't know what side to take here, Is Cutler acting like a little 15 year old girl? Yea a little bit. Were the Broncos stupid for trying to trade him for Matt Cassell? You bet. So what happens now? There are a number of teams out there that would love to have Cutler (NYJ, Bucks, Minn, SF, Det), and some of them might even be willing to part with a first round pick for him, but with this "as good as traded" talk, why would they? He's not going to play for Denver next year, so why shoot yourself in the foot to try and get him?

Tiger Woods did his best Tiger Woods impressing last weekend, winning in dramatic fashion on the 18th hold of the Arnold Palmer Golf Shindig. Masters in two weeks. Should be fun. (I'm not a golf guy like Brown)

The Cleveland LeBrons won their 13th straight last night. The Cav's are 3 games better than the Lakers, 5 and half over Boston and Orlando, and a crazy 25 over the closed team in their conference, Detroit. Anybody giving them a chance in the finals vs Dallas? (Kidding, Just seeing if your still paying attention)

One more:

When ever I'm having a bad day, or just not really feeling it, I like to turn over the this site, fmylife.com. I'm sure I'm late to the party with this one, but nothing makes me feel better than reading about other people shitty lives. maybe I should join Twitter.......

GMV - The Bear

Tired of wrestling yet? I hope not, because with us this year, making his first wrestling event as a spectator, our picnic basket loving friend, Bear, is making his way to H-town.

I say first as a spectator because, unbenonst to me until a few min ago, Bear is no stranger to the squared circle. As a matter of fact, he was a full fledged wrestler back in the day under the name of Victor.

Here is the funniest video I have ever found.

Temple Breeds Comedy

I saw this on Awful Announcing this morning, and I couldn’t help but feel a little pride for the hometown. 

If you didn’t know, Big and I (and Uni also) actually grew up together in a pissant little piece of shit town known as Temple, TX.  I say it’s a pissant little piece of shit town because it’s like herpes.  Once you get it, you get it for life, and you really hate telling people you have it because you can never live it down.  That’s right, Temple, TX is the herpes of hometowns.

Anyway, Robert Flores, one of the best Sportscenter anchors around right now used to do the sports on the local CBC affiliate in the Waco-Temple-Killeen area.  He then big timed us by moving to Austin, and then to ESPN.

I doubt that was in the script.  Kudos, sir.  We may hate our little burgh of shit, but we do bring the funny when we can.

I like Star Wars, and I like Dallas.

Thank you, FilmDrunk, for finding this and quenching two cravings

It’s official, I’m old and out of touch

Your Honor, I’m just a caveman

Twittering. Tweeting. Twatting. Whatever the hell it’s called when someone puts something on the Twitter.

I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. Exactly what is appealing about reading small snippets about what someone is doing? Are we that ADD of a nation drenched in Idiocracy now?

I had the following discussion with a friend recently, and I’ll do my best to reproduce this verbatim.

Friend: “Dude, you need to get on Twitter.”

Me: “Why”

Friend: “It’s the next big thing. Everyone’s doing it. Facebook is so yesterday.”

Me: “I just got on Facebook a few months ago and it’s already obsolete?”

Friend:“Yeah, man, it’s all about Twitter. It’s bad ass.”

Me: “Why?”

Friend: “It just is, dude! You can put what you’re doing and people can follow you.”

Me: “Why not just text what you’re doing to people who would actually care?”

Friend: “You don’t get it. Trust me, dude, Twitter’s bad ass.”

Me: “I hate you.”

What is Twitter, exactly? As far as I can tell, it’s a place where you can put a sentence or two about what you’re doing. People can “follow” you and you can “follow” people.

That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

How is that appealing? How is that a social revolution? Trust me, I don’t have anything that I do or think that is remotely interesting. Only 2 of you read this, and one of which is Big!

Admittedly, I’m a little slow on the popular technologies. I just got on the Facebook, recently bought my first digital camera and still do not own an iPod. But, I’m just applying simple logic here and I can’t figure it out.

Somebody help me understand the benefit and draw of Twitter because I’m beyond lost.

Ahh, good to see I’m not alone

A large group of my friends are married.  They live to try and get us single guys to find a girl and settle down.  I can’t tell you how annoying this really is.

Imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw this in Simmons's mailbag column.

“Q: Why can't Hollywood make a movie about a guy who doesn't get married, keeps his friends, loves life, dates hot girls up until they get crazy. But also show his old college roommate married with kids, a nagging wife, a crap job he can't quit because of the kids and mortgage. This should be made and mandatory viewing for any single male by the time he hits 18. At least he would have a fighting chance. If you have a great marriage awesome. But I would tell you that nine of 10 married guys I know are in the old college roommate state of life right now. Good luck all you engaged men. (Suckers.)
-- Gabe B., Waterloo, Iowa

SG: And that wraps up this month's installment for "Fellas, Don't Get Married!"…”

This is for Big.

H/T: The Sugar Sheet

Former Mav running for mayor of…Seattle

Magic thinks James Donaldson needs deodorant

H/T: Ball Don't Lie

If you were a fan of the Mavericks in the late 80’s and beginning of the 90’s, you might remember a big ‘ol center named James Donaldson.  (I’ve met the guy and got his autograph…be jealous.)  He was an All-Star in 1988 and had a generally meh career on a Maverick team that featured Aguirre, Blackman, Harper, Perkins, Tarpley, Schrempf, Davis and Uwe Blab.  (Why they didn’t win a title is beyond me)

Anyway, seems Jimmy is looking to run the city of Seatte.  His platform?  Bring back the Sonics.

Look, I get athletes wanting to become politicians.  Kevin “K.J.” Johnson even became the mayor of Sacramento this year.  But wanting to bring back Sonic to Seattle?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the Coney and Tots special as much as the next guy, and a Route 44 cherry limeade can hit the spot, but I don’t know if you can base an entire campaign on it.

What’s that?  Oh, the basketball team?  Well, I guess that makes much more sense.  I agree, James Donaldson, fuck Okahoma City.

Looking at the future of one our friends

You know the stories you’ve read about how parents can take coaching their kids’ soccer teams a little too seriously.  Hell, you might even remember the movie “Kicking & Screaming” with Will Ferrell. 

I saw this story on The Sporting News Blog and immediately thought that I think I know this guy.

“Kinahan actually did and said the following:

-- Called his team of six and seven year old girls by the name of "Green Death."

-- Allegedly chewed out a 12-year-old ref so badly she quite officiating.

-- Advised his players to eat "undercooked red meat."

-- Told them to take the field "like a Michael Vick pit bull."

-- Informed parents that this was not "two hours of free babysitting," and that he was not going to tolerate them sitting on the sidelines “in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos” and not cheering.”

So, we have a friend who just had a son a month or so ago…for those of you who know who I’m talking about…is it too far to imagine him doing this?

GMV - Wrestlemania Week - The Nacho Matches

Wrestlemania week continues! I'm sure we are going to do a full blow preview of the damn thing sometime later this week, but as with every live wrestling event, there are going to be some "meh" matches on Sunday, matches that you choose to skip in order to hit up the concession stands, or as I like to call them, Nacho matches.

The First of which probably isn't a true Nacho match, due to the nip slip possibility, but i can't put it as one that's must see either. I'm talking of course about the 25 Diva Battle Royal.



The only other true Nacho Match might be JBL vs. Ray Mysterio, but as much as JBL blows in the ring, Mysterio is always worth watching, so I guess the only other nacho matches will be the Music performances of Kidd Rock and that Chick from the Pussy Cat Dolls, Nicole slutsalot or something.

GMV - Welcome to Wrestlemania Week

We have made no secrets that we here at TB&TB are going on a little field trip this weekend, to the land of the screwed up tape, Paul wall, Webster slaughter and the sight of wrestlemania 25, Houston Texas.

So consider this your "welcome to wrestlmania week" post, because I'm pretty sure my wrestling hard on won't go away all week.

We start with a recap of wrestlmania X7. Why 17? Well I'm glad you asked. First it was arguably one of the best Mania's of the last 15 years, Stone Cold vs the Rock, tag team TLC (tables, ladders, and chairs) match, a gimmick rumble, Benoit vs. Angle, and HHH vs the Undertaker. The Card was just nuts. Plus it was the last time Wrestlemania was in Houston, and guess what, your portly pal and suntanned superman were there. If you catch a shot of the "titian tron" and look above it, those little specks that you think to yourself "surly they didn't put seats up there," that's where we sat.

So here is the recap of Wrestlemania X7,



And I know it had Limp Bizkit as the back track, but to be honest, it fits well with the time.

Greatest. Story. Ever.

There are days when you come across a story that is so crazy, wild and nuts that you really don't know what to do yourself. I don't like to wish bad things on people, but i will laugh my ass off when something like this happens.

Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers.

The ShamWow guy's last name is Shlomi? That was worth reading the article right there. But wait, there is more.

Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room.

Violent confrontation with a prostitute huh? Well, I wonder what he did, or asked the hooker to do, that started this "confrontation." Please lord let it have been an argument over how much man juice a shamwow can hold, with Shlomi issuing the line "well lets see how much blood it can clean up!"

(Shlomi) retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris(the hooker) about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

I don't know much about hooker laws and practices, but I would like to think if you bring one up to your super nice hotel room, offer to pay her 1000 bucks for just some regular sex, and then you explain to her that your the shamwow guy, she shouldn't bite your tongue. But that's just me.

After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons

Whoa Whoa, Booze was involved? Get the Fuck Out. And this was his mug shot.



I swear to you these two picks are of the same person. ShamWow, you have ruined yet another life.

H/T : Film Drunk

GMV - Nude Music Friday

I don't know why I wanted to do this, but it seems to me that we have now reached far enough away from the 80's that people are really starting to use samples and what have nots from the music of that decade.

The use of these 80's songs are no more prevalent than in the world of rap. Here some examples...

Flo Rida - Right Round.



Slim Thug - I Run



Rick Ross - Push It

(click here, youtube, they don't want to embed it)

As a child of the 80's and a fan of Hip Hop, I kinda enjoy this stuff. Take from it what you will.

Wrestlemania bingo just got easier

As Big mentioned, we’re headed down to Houston for Wrestlemania in two weeks, and we’ve asked you to help us create some entries for bingo sheets and camera scavenger hunts while we’re down there.

Well…this might or might not affect your entries:

Kid Rock is going to be performing at Wrestlemania.

Continue your entries.

GMV

As I continue to get bits and pieces of the Internet back from the Kaiser, I'll post these more and more.

Here is the Negotiator vs some Lizard thing from the original Star Trek. Trust me, its funny.



Did He just punch him where the ears should be, and did he just throw a fucking rock at me?

Please, oh please, let this be true

I’m a spare!!!

Saw this on in the Dallas Morning News and had a tiny little celebration.

The Cowboys have looked into the possibility of trading linebacker Bobby Carpenter, according to sources, but might be more reluctant to move the former first-round pick with Kevin Burnett's departure.

Finally!  How long have people in and around the Metroplex been begging for this sorry sack of shit to be cut from the team?  As much good as Parcells did for the Cowboys, his nepotistic take on former players (Keyshawn, Mo Carthon, etc.) and their children killed our draft.

Really?  A number one pick on Bobby Carpenter?  Guhhh.

I say good riddance, and good day to you sir.  I don’t care if you’re Tony Romo’s friend.  Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out of Valley Ranch.

Got a case of the Mondays?

Well take a look at this.

How can you not be happy after looking at this? From its creator, over at Plan to fail.

"for the unenlightened, here's a quick rundown of whats in it

big puffy clouds
mountains
meadow
frank lloyd wright house Falling Water
rolls royce phantom
bear skin rug with Bryce Dallas Howard on it
a shit load of lab puppies
daft punk performing
a saddled trex with corked teeth
and shit tons of beer to enjoy with my friends C.S.Lewis, G.K. Chesterton, St. Thomas Aquinas, J.R.R. Tolkien and Jesus Christ"

I would have put in Orson Scott Card instead of Tolkien, and Chris Farley instead of Chesterton, but a good list none the less.

Wow, birthday central over here

Every hall of fame has a counterpart in its hall of shame.  If we had ours, I’m pretty sure this man could be the flag bearer of the inaugural class.

That’s right, yesterday was Shawn Bradley’s birthday.

I’ll leave it to the guys at 4th and Fail.

We’ve got another birthday!

Happy Birthday, Bizzle!

Guess who’s birthday it is tomorrow?

Happy Birthday, buddy!

Last Chance Bitches!

Last chance to try and prove you know more about college basketball than I do. We have a bracket challenge over at ESPN, link here, or just search for the group name The Big and the Brown.

Winner gets a free post to gloat, tell us how much we suck, what ever. But I'm the defending champ, so if you want to take the strap off me, you better bring the heat.

We need your help!

Dear sexy readers. I know you don't really trust me again yet. You think I'm going to go away again don't you? You are afraid that if you start believing in me again that I'll just turn on you once more, leaving you crying, and hurting.

But I'm not like that, baby. I'm not Chris brown.... Yea i wouldn't bite you and punch with one hand while I'm driving down the street to the Gramys, But your just like Rahoonie. You'll come back. You always come back.

You see I'm saying this right now because i need you. You may have noticed that the reference to wrestling have been, how should we say, plentifull. One might even say we have had a plethora of pinyatas wrestling references lately. There is a good reason.

Me, Brown, Bear, and Blog-a-dore are going to take a little field trip in a couple of weeks. We are going down Houston way, to the land of the Orliers, Astros to take in a little thing called Wrestlemania.



We have plenty of bits and what have not working in our head for the weekend, and one of which We would love some help on, and the people benefiting this will be not only us, but you the sexy readers.

We like to play a game called people bingo, where we look for certain things on our bingo cards that are, how should we put this, out of the ordinary. Take fore example if we were at a heavy mettle show, or rodeo, one of the things on the bingo card would be a black guy. The way you get points for it is if you can take a picture of them with camera or phone. Sound like fun?

So we need your help finding list items, and yes, we will post the pics when we get back.

Let me get you started in the right direction:
A guy with an NWO shirt.
Someone in a TO Jersey
A Pinata of a Wrestler (its in Houston)
A Hot Chick (bonus if she's not with kids)(double bonus if she's with unattractive dude(aka my fantasy))(super double bonus if you can get pics of her tit/bare ass)(ultimate boo-kakey bonus of all time if you put your sharpshooter in her figer 4)

and help us out in the comments.

Time to try and prove your as smrt as me.

I mean smart. Like dirty nasty spiteful smart. What?

ANYWAY, its time for me to put up my championship belt of brackit savyness, and challenge you sexy reader (and brown) in a battle of pick em's. Here is the Big and Brown pick em group on ESPN, or if you need to search, search for the name of the group, the big and the Brown.

Its a battle to the death I tell you! Try and knock me off my horse, Bizzle. Catch me if you can Bear. Suck my Alabama nuts Gerry! I Dersive a Challenge!!!

Re-visiting the Watchmen

I wasn’t a big fan of the movie, but FilmDrunk happened upon a review from their favorite reviewer, Sexman.

I just like this kid because, and I swear I’m not exaggerating, trade the braces for thick, coke bottle glasses and that is EXACTLY how I looked and sounded growing up.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Here's the original story...

Here's the follow up story...

And, yes, here's the music video...

Are you ready for a Packer-less tourney?

For the first time in my lifetime, I’m going to watch the NCAA tournament without the condescending and sour tones of one, Billy Packer.

A lot of people hate Billy Packer because he was never happy. Remember how pissed he got a mid-majors winning games? I think the world is chock full of happy people. Oprah, Jim Nantz, Terry Bradshaw, Big. Why can’t we have the signature voice of the tournament call it anymore?

The thing is, Billy Packer was very smart about the game of basketball, and isn’t that what we’re really looking for in a color guy? The PBP man tells you what’s happening, and the color guy tells you why it’s happening.

Top of your head, what color guys in college basketball actually do a good job of breaking down the game as it happens? Bilas? Knight? (If you said Vitale, you’re an idiot.)

Anyway, Clark Kellogg is going to be the replacement for Packer now, and all I have to say is, okay. Kellogg is, ironically enough, like corn flakes. He’s just there. He' doesn’t have any flavor, he doesn’t have any taste, he just commentates.

Can’t we promote Gus to the number one spot?

(SIDE NOTE: I’m using Windows Live Writer to post to the blog site now, so if this doesn’t go through properly, it’s Bill Gates' fault)

The safe word is "Whiskey"

Exploding High Five!

If you know me, you know I love Andy Samberg, member of the best SNL cast in about 13 years. If you know TB&TB you know we are kinda suckers for award shows. It brings me happiness on my pink parts that Samberg is hosting the most ludicrous, horrible, yet sometimes entertaining MTV Movies awards.

Lets just hope he does I'm on a Boat. Or Iran. or laser cats....or lettuce

H/T: Film Drunk

Its tourney time!

one of the man things I've missed about talking with you fine fine people over the last few weeks is I didn't have a chance to chat up College Basketball. I didn't get a chance to tell you that I think UNC is overrated, or watch for Louisville to make a strong push late, or even that Pitt might be the best team in all the land.

to be fair, I also didn't get a chance to tell you that the Irish would push late to make a bid at the dance, and that Kentucky would win the SEC. So you take the good with the bad.

This is one of the more fun weeks of the sports year, as its the start of the big dance (duhhh). 90% of America don't watch College Basketball till this week, and I've giving that 5 percent of the remaining 10 percent are college kids who go to their schools basketball games. So over the next few days you will be poking around the Internet, looking for some info on how to pick a good bracket. You'll hit up ESPN, but everybody does that so its no fun news. You'll try your fav blogs, looking for help, but what do we know? My mom's basement doesn't even have cable! So you'll do what you normally do, and that's this.

Random Things Dudes do to pick their brackets:

Rule 1. Always pick a 5 seed to get upset, this ALWAYS Happens.
Rule 2. Remember the Darling teams of last year and the year before, they have to be good this year too, right? (George Mason, Gonzaga, the team that curry kid played for)

Rule 3. Do some research, find one low seed that you can learn something about, and then pick them to make the sweet 16, and tell everybody how you saw this coming/how it didn't work. "I thought that if (insert team) could hit some threes, and (insert best player on team) could stay out of foul trouble, they could really do it." even if they lose, you like kinda smart.

Rule 4. Outside of the one team that you picked above, have the rest of the sweet 16 be favorites or just really mild upsets. 5's over 4's and so on. You'll get at least 8 or 9 of the 16 teams that way.

Rule 5. If you don't know anything about the teams, pick the cooler name, so if your right, you can brag. "Fuck yea, I had Xavier in the final 4!"

So there is a little help for you non basketball people, who still enjoy the tourney. Follows those rules and you won't look like a jack ass come April.

Interesting concept...make sure you ask the protesters to avoid trampling your rose bushes

She's showing tenacity, but who's watching?

I don't really consider myself to be chauvinistic or uncaring towards women. Stop laughing, I'm being serious. In fact, I'd say I'm completely balanced in my views towards women's rights, that I treat them with the same unbiased cynicism and mock hatred that I treat my own gender.

That being said, I came across this article by Bob Keisser and nodded my head and then realized this guy is going to get his ass handed to him by Title IX proponents.

If you didn't bother to click the link, he's basically saying that universities need to drop women's basketball from their athletic programs because it is the single largest money drain on campus, and in these times, it's the equivalent of lending money to a crack head.

"Gender equity proponents expressed little sympathy over these losses. Football and its scholarship needs was the main target when Title IX was born and the subsequent Cal NOW suit creamed CSU schools. There was and is a valid legal point about equal opportunity and spending of public revenue, and they made it.

My point is that women's basketball is a complete money-losing proposition for virtually any university. If it made financial sense for universities without the resources of USC or UCLA to drop football, shouldn't a sport that blows millions annually from coast to coast be judged in the same way?"

He makes a good point. How many programs can you name in women's basketball that draw even close to break even attendance? UConn and Tennessee, right? Exactly. Tickets are the revenue source, and if you're only making maybe $100K OVER THE SEASON, how are you paying for the coaches and scholarships? You're taking a loss.

See? I'm making that argument without bringing up the fact that the quality of play and entertainment value is rates about a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being 7th game overtime of a Stanley Cup final.

Look, I get it. Title XI and social mores have determined that for every men's sports, there should be an equal and opportunistic university sponsored sport for females. That makes perfect sense to me socially, but not financially. If women's basketball is operating at a loss, why not choose a sport that is just as entertaining (if not more so) but requires less investment?

H/T: Sports By Brooks

I guarantee you this will happen to me one day

I play golf. I have a bad temper and a short fuse. Obviously, those two things don't mix well. So when I saw this story, I knew that I was pretty much looking into a crystal ball.

It's bound to happen one day. The question isn't "if", it's "when".

The real reason I was gone for so long

I spent some time down in Tampa Bay.

and to think all it would have taken to get me free was 500 bucks.

A Post, poorly spelled, and not about wrestling.....Return!

Ross - "Welcome to another Random Thursday here at The Big and the Brown, or should I just call it Brown town, as its been several weeks since our large, sporty loving, semi afro wearing boss has shown his face. It has been speculated that he being some what a man of God has given up this small space on the internet for the Catholic practice known as Lent, but nobody knows for sure. What I do know for sure is that today, we have a very special day of Sports blogging, including more guest posts by friends of the site, and a very special look from Brown entitled "Why I'm the shit, and everything you like sucks." Should be quite the day!"

As Ross finishes his last sentence, through the loud speakers, The opening riffs of "Big Pappa" by Notorious B.I.G. begin to play

Ross - "Wait a minute, could it really be!?! THAT'S BIG'S MUSIC!"

At that point, this image is shown on the big screen.



a large man with curly hair on his giant head with a smile that melts away the hearts of all the ladies in audience walks out from back stage, and makes his way to the ring with a mike in his hand, stopping ever so often to slap hands with people sitting ringside and pounding his chest with a closed fist.

Ross - "OH MY GOD! IT REALLY IS HIM! IT'S BIG!

Big makes his way into the ring, walks over to the the far ring post and climbs to the second turnbuckle and points into the crowd. He gets down, walks to the center of the ring and raises the mike to his lips as the crowd around him is canting "Big! Big! Big!". He raises one hand to try and subdue the crowd, they start to settle down as he begins to talk

Big - "Holy shit its good be back here, where I belong, at the Big and the Brown!

The Crowd goes ape shit

Big - "It has been far too long since I've had the satisfaction of talking to you people. no fuck that, It has been far too long since I've had the pleasure of talking to you people!

I've been gone a little while now. I know that. And there have been plenty of excuses thrown out there as to why that was so. Everything from "he doesn't care anymore," or "he has given it up for lent," or even "the police found his porn collection and the mere sight of it caused 4 rookie cops to pass out."

Let me get very real for a minute.

I didn't leave because of lack of fire, or laziness. I didn't leave because of a commitment to God or anything like that. I didn't even really leave, was forced out by one person, and one person only. The Kaiser.

Many of you may not know the Kaiser. You may not know the power that she holds over all of us. You see, she is the one that controlls our ability to do this hobby that we all love so much. She thought that by taking away the ability to get to this site, she would kill my thirst for writing for it.

Well let me tell you something, Kaiser, you can take away the Internet, you can take away my computer, fuck it you can take away my hands, and I'll tell you this, I will never, EVER stop being who I am, and stop doing what I love to do! You will never take away "Big" again.

So until she is out of my life for good, she will try and stop me. She will try and shut off my computer, try and overload me with work, threaten to take away my pay, and she will tell me that I won't ever be the same person I was 3 months ago. And when she tells me that, all i will say is.....

My name is Big, and I'm a blogger.

And I'm back bitches!

-fade to black-

South Park wins the title for most genius mainstream cartoon

"The Simpsons" is great, but is kind the old school player. They can bring the heat if they need to, but everyone knows they're the king, and just accepts it. Kind of like Shawn Michaels.

"Family Guy" is the new kid on the block who's captured everyone's hearts and is great doing what it does. Kind of like John Cena.

"South Park" however. "South Park" is the one that keeps going away so you kind of forget about it, but then it comes back with such jaw rattling fury you realize, it's always been the king. Kind of like The Undertaker.

If you didnt see "South Park" last night (if not, see it here.) You missed Trey Parker's and Matt Stone's giant middle finger to America's darling, Disney. The Jonas Brother, Grey's Anatomy (on ABC - owned by Disney), and Mickey Mouse were pretty much torn a gigantic new ass hole.

I stand up and salute you, "South Park".

Links have been updated

Yes, we suck at site maintenance. But to be fair, you guys suck at commenting and letting us know that people actually, you know, read this shit.

I tried to go through and update dead/re-routed links to the new sites, and have added a few more.

The boss is coming back, so I gotta make this place look clean.

What happened to Gerry McNamara?

Glow little glow worm. Glimmer. Glimmer.

Big and I have had a running bit since 2006 where we, at some point in March, will ask each other, "whatever happened to Gerry McNamara?"

If that name sounds somewhat familiar to you, McNamara was the greatest white player on Carmelo Anthony's Syracuse team. Difference was, McNamara played every game of his entire 4 year career a Syracuse. He was the Jason White of Syracuse, he kept coming back.

However, he apparently graduated and Vent About Sports managed to profile what happened to the Syracuse Wunderkind.

In December of 2006 he signed with the Baskersfield Jam of the NBDL where he played the rest of the season averaging 10.8 points and 5.2 assists per game, and was named to the NBDL West all-star team. In 2007 he played with the 76ers in the Summer League but once again he was not signed. In August of 2007 he signed a $400,000 contract with the Greek team Panionios BC. He was released after only 4 games and scoring 7 points.

Oof. I hope Melo is throwing some cash his way.

To make him feel just a little bit better, I'd like to announce the induction of the newest member of The Big and The Brown Hall of Fame....GERRY MCNAMARA!!!!

Wow, that's genius.

Just check this out...

Who do you want behind the plate?

Taylor Teagarden and Jarrod Saltalamacchia are battling right now for the starting catcher's spot on the Texas Rangers's roster. Max Ramirez has all but shored up the backup catcher spot, and neither of the main guys is going to be happy sitting in a backup role...which brings up the question: who's going to get traded?

Ideally, no one. I agree. However, I am pretty realistic here. The Rangers need some help (hello, pitching) and both of these guys are top notch players who, with the right prospect pairing, could land the Rangers a good pitcher in return.

The question, again, remains, who do you want as your everyday catcher? Teagarden or Salty?

They're both young guys (TT is younger). Both big guys (Salty is bigger). Both play solid on both sides of the ball (Salty better offense, TT better defense).

So what's the difference?

Teagarden is the homegrown Dallas kid who was brought up through the Rangers system. (He's a Longhorn, so BIAS ALERT!) He wants to play here, which isn't a usual thing for Ranger players. Debuting last year in the bigs, Teagarden hasn't got the amount of experience other catchers do, but has shown enough promise in both the minors and the bigs to prove he's ready.

Saltalamacchia was the big trade piece with the Tex deal. He's a switch hitter who, in a pinch, can play first base if you need him. He was drafted right out of high school into the Braves system and was immediately one of the top prospects. He made his bigs debut in 2007, therefore allotting him more experience to have proven he's a guy who can play day in and day out.

I already alluded to it, that I'm a Teagarden guy. However, I think Salty's a good haul and choice as well. Depending on the packaged return player, I'm pretty much on the fence as to who stays and who goes.

Are you guys doing a bracket this year?

I'm sure we are going to do one of those free sign up things on CBS or ESPN.

Big usually handles that, and we're all waiting on him to come back.

How stupid are the Denver Broncos, really?

I just farted!!

First of all, how do you trust a coach who looks younger than me? (Full disclosure, I've looked exactly the same since I was 5 years old.) Second, how does that coach immediately walk in the door and try to alienate one of the top 10 (top 5 young) quarterbacks in the league??

Look, I'm no Jay Cutler fan, but to say that you'd rather have Matt cassell could be the stupidest thing on the planet, and makes me immediately question anything that Josh McDaniels is doing. If I was a Bronco fan, I'd be pissed off right now.

I asked our local Bronco fan what he thought and the only answer I got was "ELWAY! WINGY DINGY! DIRT ROMPER! BING-BANG-BONG!" To translate what that means, he's basically saying "Elway will always be the pantheonic Broncos quarterback. Everyone else since him has never really lived up to his iconic status. We feel Cutler could be the guy, but he's got the personality of cardboard. We'll follow this team no matter who's under center."

The Denver offense under Shanahan and Kubiak was built to trade out running backs because of the o-lines cutback blocks. They were in requirement of a quarterback who could run the offense as laid out. Plummer was "meh", and Cutler was growing into a pretty good find. If McDaniels is so retarded to think he can just plug his Patriots buddies, and it would work, then I expect any of the following to happen:

1) Detroit goes straight up number 1 pick for Jay Cutler
2) Minnesota packages defensive players to get Cutler
3) Tennessee sends Collins and picks to get Cutler
4) ANYONE THAT HAS HALF A BRAIN AND NOT A TOP 10 QUARTERBACK PUTS TOGETHER A DEAL TO STEAL CUTLER

That is all.

Looking at the Mavs going into the postseason

So, if you watched the Mavs last night against Portland, you saw the team you half-way hope to see going into the playoffs. Now, I am making the foregone conclusion that this team has virtually locked the 8th and final playoff spot down by beating Phoenix two nights ago, so work with me.

Question is, how does this team look?

Are they going to come in with the fire of a 2007 Golden State and steal a series or are they going to be the 2007 Atlanta team that's just happy to be there?

More importantly, how do we as fans perceive that?

See, the Dallas Mavericks are an old team with Eeyore as a coach.

They still have no inside presence, to the point Simmons has gotten to calling Erick Dampier the next "great expiring contract". (However, the cat they got from Charlotte, Hollins, showed some REAL fire in Phoenix...no pun intended)

Everyone outside of Dirk, Kidd, JET are just good enough to produce, but not consistent enough to produce on a night in, night out basis. Those three are consistent enough, but not "good" enough to carry the team beyond the Associations powerhouses.

I love this team as much as anyone, but I'm starting to question if we, as Maverick fans, have been spoiled by the past decade. This team has done nothing except go to the Finals once, yet we give them the Cowboy treatment of saying "it's a championship or nothing!" Why is that? Shouldn't we be happy that we have a team that's good enough to legitimately contend every year rather than a team that's really good and then really bad and then really good and then really bad?

Hey, what ever happened to the other guy?

Many of you have been thinking to yourselves, probably while on the shitter, "what happened to Big?" I mean, there's only so many times you can read my shit and think "jeez, this guy starts every paragraph one of the following phrases: seriously, honestly, or really".

Well, I'm pleased to report that I've spoken to the man who's large and happens to be in charge of this space of internet, and he's planning a return. No, he hasn't really given up the internet for lent, but has had the internet taken away from him for a mandatory amount of time as determined by the state court system in Texas.

I know what you're thinking, "what?" Go watch the movie "Hackers" again. Exactly. Big released the new Kooby Facebook virus and was caught. He's been asked to not use a telephone or computer for a 30 day period. Kind of a lenient sentence, but, hey, that's Bama's guhvment baby!

Anyway, not to spoil a Jim Ross, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S BIG'S MUSIC!" moment, but consider this one of those "he's coming back" promos like they've been cutting for Evan Bourne on ECW.

TB&TB Movie Review: "Watchmen"

Hooray for boobies!

Asking me to run this site on my own for 40 days is kind of shitty of Big...I don't think Jesus intended this to happen. He didn't like Jews, I don't think he had any beef with Hindus (get it? Beef! Hindus! COWS!!!!)

Anyway, since movie watching is a sport, and I have a little bit of a side hobby writing movie reviews, I went with MacGruber and Bizzle to check out "Watchmen". I left with a colossal feeling of "meh" to "no sir, I don't like it".

I know I said that I wasn't going to review a movie unless I liked it, but I felt with the machine that this movie has been, it needed to be addressed. (Also, in an effort to get him to eat meat on a Friday, I'm hoping that Big, who loved the movie, will write a rebuttal post.)

That's right, though, the movie just didn't do anything for me.

It isn't that I'm going to piss on people who like the movie. There were a lot of aspects of the movie that were amazing.
-The musical choices were fantastic, which, if you watch a Cameron Crowe or Quentin Tarantino movie, you know that the use of "mainstream" music mixed with "soundtrack" music can really take a movie into another stratosphere.

-The visual effects were unbelievable. Normally, like "Sin City" or "The Spirit" or even "300", they show that "hey this is a graphic novel, and it was drawn, so we want it to look that away". In "Watchmen" they tried to make it look like reality, an alternate 1985 ("BACK TO THE FUTURE 2" ALREADY DID THIS!!!!), but still reality versus a comic book.

-The "comic book supernatural turned to real life" aspect was also very well done. The idea that heroes aren't some supernatural beings that exist in the Justice League, but are part of society as well and must cope with society and the mob effects of postive and negative.

So, if I liked those things, why didn't I like the movie?

The gratuitous giant blue dong? Though certainly not on my list of things I like in my movies or at all, this was just kind of there and after the first "oh wow, that's not necessary", you got over it.

The wanton violence? It's a comic book for adults. We're desensitized as a society. It's something you have to admit.

No, the story as a whole just didn't do anything for me. Too many jumps, too many eye-roll generating parts, too many "ok, I get it, now move on" parts that just slowed things down. It's as simple as that. The story just bogged things down for me, and after the first 2 hours, I just wanted the thing to end.

I'm sure the "book was better" phenomeon applies here. Like when they take stage plays and turn them into movies and the actors over-do it because it's supposed to be done on stage, this one seemed a little too "we HAVE to do it just like the comic or else we'll die by the fan boy sword" applied.

All in all, I give "Watchmen" a solid C.

Did the Cowboys cure cancer?

TO doing his best Kanye...

The text came through from Big last night, "Good bye TO". My first thought was, "holy crap, Big is alive!" then I remembered that he gave up the internet for lent (you thought I was kidding, didn't you?). Anyway, I checked the interwebs, and lo and behold, Terrell Eldorado Owens was released by your Dallas Cowboys.

Does this cure the cancer between him and Pacman?

Is the real Roy Williams ready to step up?

What excuse does our Hollywood loving, chubby chasing quarterback have left?

Use the comments to share your thoughts on the release of Owens...

How to make baseball more exciting...

I'm a big baseball fan, but I don't consider myself a baseball purist. I like the DH and interleague play, and I'm so tired of the steroid issue, that I'd say just open the gates and let players do whatever they want to really level the playing field.

That's why I don't feel bad opening the debate to a new concept that might make baseball more appealing in the late summer and early fall.

Open up the wild card spots to 5 PER LEAGUE instead of 1.

What???

Exactly. Right now, Major League Baseball is comprised of 30 teams and only 8 of those teams get to play in the playoffs, the 6 division winners and 2 wild cards. That's 4 AL teams and 4 NL teams. Pretty exclusive.

You can point to the NFL and say they only allow 12 teams, but remember, that's 4 division winners and 2 wild cards. So, the opportunity is pretty open. Plus, the NFL is different from the other sports in how the season runs its course, so I would look at that as the anomaly. However, look at basketball and hockey. 30 teams in each league. 16 teams make the playoffs. Top 8 in each conference (3 division winners, next 4 in rankings). Do you know what this breeds? Excitement in the final stretch of a season.

Take it from a Rangers fan who never sniffs the postseason. How much more exciting would it be in August if you knew that the Rangers were, rather than being 6 games out of the Wild Card, only 1 game out of the 8th final playoff spot? Wouldn't that make the games that much more exciting? Wouldn't the players feel like they were playing for something more than peanuts? Wouldn't that make fans want to go to the night games at the ball park to cheer their team into the postseason?

I look to basketball and hockey to see that the teams that are "right there" always put together these magical, Cinderella runs at the end of a season to push through to the playoffs and ride that wave because all it takes is to "get in" and then everyone comes back to 0-0 records. You're telling me that wouldn't work in baseball?

You can make the argument that they play twice the amount of games in the regular season, and each series is 7 games, it'd be too much. Okay, then don't make all the series 7 game series. Make the first two rounds 5 game series and the last two 7 game series.

Baseball is in trouble and is losing fans with all the scandals that are in place. Selig (who should be fired and crucified) needs to do something to a) reinvent baseball and b) reinvent his image. This could be the thing that can repackage the game into something that people get excited about beyond spring training and outside of the east coast.

A note about the urinal

Why so close?

Simple invention, usually made of porcelain that adorns the public restrooms for men across the nation.

Sometimes it's a short object placed at waist height. Sometimes it runs from floor to chest. Sometimes its just a giant trough.

Sometimes there's ice on the bottom, sometimes there's the "urinal cake" on the bottom, sometimes there's a filter sheet for, well, I'm not sure what they want to filter.

Sometimes there are dividers between urinals, other times you're forced to stand shoulder to shoulder with dudes you don't know.

The urinal.

Let me tell you something, I hate these fucking things.

Check that, I have no problem with the urinal per se, I just have a problem with the setup of most bathrooms. Dividers or not, I still have to stand uncomfortable close to dudes. I hate pissing amongst a group of people. It's not stage fright, because I really doubt (and hope) that no one is really paying any attention to me, but I just don't enjoy relieving myself amongst a group of people.

Since I know 90% of you that read this thing, think of the bathroom at The Tavern in Denton. Stupidest fucking setup I've ever seen.

Before you say it, no, I don't sit down to pee. I just prefer a stall given the fact that I can shut a door. I highly doubt I'm the only person in the world who isn't a fan of the public nature of the men's restroom. Am I?

Chalk it up to one of my many irrational pet peeves.

Tracy McGrady, I thought you were better than that

I've never really felt one way or another about Tracy McGrady. He came into the league out of high school and was a star in Toronto, Orlando, and now Houston, and at one point was thought of as one of the top 100 players in NBA history. For all intents and purposes, McGrady has been a nice guy and a team player his whole career.

You might remember when his cousin, Vince Carter, came to Toronto and the tandem lead the team to their first playoffs ever. That's also when T-Mac's streak of never winning a playoff series began.

In Orlando, T-Mac was, essentially, a one-man show because of the inevitable injuries of Grant Hill. He even manage to capture a scoring title in 2004.

Then, he was traded to Houston and signed to a $44 Million contract. Houston thought they had their new tandem since Hakeem's years with McGrady and Yao. Then, somehow, Tracy McGrady became a real asshole.

I was reading Simmons's column from last week, and came across this snippet.

...when an NBA player with two years remaining on his contract for a total of $44 million shows up for the season out of shape, complains most of the year, lets down his teammates and fans again and again, lands in some trade rumors and decides, "Instead of getting traded to a team I don't like, I'm going to announce that I'm getting microfracture surgery four days before the trade deadline and kill any potential trade, and even better, I'll be healed by next spring, just in time to showcase myself for another contract," and successfully pulls this off -- with no repercussions from anybody -- then yes, the system is broken and needs to be fixed. Because that was disgusting. Tracy McGrady, you are officially indefensible for the rest of eternity. Even your cousin Vince wouldn't have done that. And that's saying something.)

I never realized it, but Simmons really hit the nail on the head. T-Mac had bought enough credit in the league for being a "good guy" that he pulled one of the most douche-baggiest moves I've ever seen...and I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HE DID IT!

Wow, just wow.

Anyone at NFL headquarters paying attention?

I imagine Belichik rubs out to this image....

So, I know I'm not the only one to raise his eyebrows at this because it's all over the interwebs today...

What amount of collusion and tampering existed between the Kansas City Chiefs and the New England Patriot?

If you missed the news, the Chiefs sent a 2nd round pick to New England and received both Matt Cassell and Mike Vrabel.

You read that right, a starting quarterback and starting/veteran linebacker for a second round pick. Oh, let me also throw in that Denver offered New England the number 12 first round pick in a three way deal with Tampa Bay involving the trade of Jay Cutler.

Scott Pioli is the new GM in KC. He was the former head man in New England.

Josh McDaniel is the head coach in Denver. He was the former OC in New England.

So, it brings up a few questions...

1) If Belichick wants his coaching tree to be successful, why send the bounty to KC instead of Denver?

2) Is New England that confident in Brady's knee getting healthy? Remember, he had a setback in rehab, and he's spent his time getting married to Gisele. Brazilian chicks love crazy sex positions, how do we know Tom's not hurting his knee more?

3) why does Denver want to move Cutler so badly? Do they know something we don't? Carl Badlander, do you know something about this?

4) What's going to happen to future hall of fame quarterback, Tyler Thigpen?

5) How does Der Kommisar Goodell not do anything about obvious collusion?

If nothing else, now the Pats have a first rounder and 3 second rounders next year, all in the middle-to-top of the rounds. Let's see if the decade of genius has been Belichik or Pioli's doing.