Rock Chalk

So, as a fan of sports, I'm sure you watched, or at least read this morning about the NCAA championship last night. Kansas came from down 9 to beat Memphis in OT. Good stuff.

Mario "Super Nintendo" Chalmers won the MOP (unstable), for his gritty play, and more importantly his 3 point shot near the end of regulation that sent the game to overtime.

All ready this morning, most talking heads are talking about how Memphis blew it in the end. They couldn't shoot free throws, they did foul when they should have, yada yada. All in all, these two teams were very well matched, they both liked to run, and in the end, Memphis went cold, while Kansas got hot.

I said all year that Kansas could beat anybody with the style of play that Bill Self roles out there, and the fact that anybody on the roster could go for 20.

As for Memphis, it was a travishshammockery that the refs called a tricky tacky foul on Joey Dorsey late in that game that fouled out the senor. I don't know if they could have pulled it off if he was still in the game, but the fact that he had to sit on the sidelines and watch the end of last game he would ever play in college is wrong.

Derrick Rose is the real deal. The kids 19, and in the biggest game of the year, had 18pts, 6 boards, and 8 assists. I don't know what kind of pro player Chris Douglas Roberts will be, but he showed a lot of guts last nights, even with missing those free throws.

So congrats to Kansas, and to the biggest Kansas fan I know, April, your hawks did it, I'm sure Presley couldn't ask for a greater birthday present.

ummm......OK

When you think of top musical acts over the course of the "radio era," I'm sure some names will pop into your head. Beatles, Elvis, U2, Springsteen, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Bon Jovi, and the like. Well last week, with a movement of 15 some odd spots, Mariah Carey now holds the 2nd most number of number one singles of all time. OF ALL FUCKING TIME!

MARIAH FUCKING CAREY!

"Touch my Body," The first single of her yet to be released E=MC squared album marks her 18th number one hit, putting her in the number 2 spot, sandwiched between the Beatles, and Elvis.

So just for clarification, the list goes like this

Beatles - 20
Mariah Carey - 18
Elvis - 17

I don't get it. I can't name one Mariah Carey song, and I bet you can't either. I challenge you to go into the comments, without looking up her bio, and list ANY song of hers. Fucking crazy.

I hate rich people

Cry me a fucking river.

Let me get this straight, people are complaining in Plano because other people are building golf nets too tall?

You purposely build your house right next to a fairway or green and then you complain that you have to put up a net to protect your house from the onslaught of golf balls? Then you complain that golf technology is getting "too good" and now you have to build higher nets and that hurts property value? At the same time, you're going to bitch that your neighbor has put up a net to protect his or her house and that ruins your view?

Look, you stupid ass holes, we amateur golfers suck. Even the best golfers I know will occasionally slice a drive off the tee or miss the green so badly they get into a backyard. Unless you build your house off of a golf course in Augusta, GA, you'd better believe this is an assumed risk on your part.

I think that people who have the time to complain about these things in front of city councils should find something better to do with their time.

Want a suggestion? Have a Coke, put a smile on your face and shut the fuck up.

Let's do the quick hit list bit

Jeez, what a sportsy time right now, I don't know where to start.

The Mavs are alive again?

After destroying the Golden State Warriors, the Lakers turned around and decided to break the Mavericks' hearts (again). In a must-win game against Phoenix, the Mavericks decided to show what they made this whole Kidd trade for and what they can ACTUALLY do as a team. It's safe to say that this team is going to the playoffs. I think they've moved from "team limping in" to "team others are scared to play". Just remember who never who never lost faith.

The Stars open the playoffs against the defending Stanley Cup champions

If I said I really cared, I'd be lying. But, I know they've lost the first round in the past 3 or 4 years. Good luck, guys.

The Rangers have shown a lot of promise opening the season

What has shocked me the most (and the rest of the fan base) is that the strongest parts of the team so far have traditionally been the achilles heels: pitching and centerfield. Millwood and Padilla have been fantastic as a one-two punch. Millwood should be 2-0, and he's been let down by a weak bullpen. As for centerfield? Well, I don't think John Daniels is sad about pulling the trigger for Josh Hamilton. He's the newest fan favorite.

FIFA might cancel the World Cup in 2010?

You read that right. The insurance people for the tournament are pulling out because they feel that South Africa is not going to be ready in time to host the tournament. The fields/complexes won't be ready. The political climate is not safe. All those reasons. Granted, it's 2 years away, and South Africa is going to hold the Confederation Cup as a litmus test, but this is gigantic news. I'll keep an eye on it for the zero of you that give a shit.

Charlton Heston is dead

Well, not only can you pry the rifle from his cold dead hands, but now we've got more soylent green to eat. Is it wrong that it makes me miss Phil Hartman even more?

Rich Rodriguez might not be what Michigan wanted

If it isn't his lawyer claiming that West Virginia is treating him like a slave, then it's the light going off that both Pacman Jones and Chris Henry were on the same team in WVU in 2003 and 2004. I'm not saying anything in particular. But, uh, if you can cause trouble in Morganstown, you can cause trouble in Ann Arbor.

Coach Calipari can't play the underdog card anymore

I'm kind of tired of hearing his schtick, and I'd like to see Kansas come out and win. However, this Memphis team is good. Really really good. Hope that game goes well tonight.

Nude Music Friday

As most people who read this site know, I'm a big of a music junky. My fun "job" is working on the weekends here in the big D at a radio station. Music is something that no matter how old, what place in society, or what color you are, can touch you, and make us all feel the same feeling at the same time.

With that said, I would like to introduce you to Explosions in the Sky(myspace page)



Now normally i don't really get into instrumental rock (meaning they have no singer), but these guys have an uncanny ability to reach inside, and touch you that most bands only dream of.

I first found out about this band while watching the best show on TV, Friday Night Lights. I could spend 3 hours telling you how truly great the show is, but his is nude music friday.

The Band is from Austin, which gives it cred all ready. They have 6 albums out, and I suggest you pick up any of them. The Music is extremely chill, its what I like to call headphones music. This means its best listened to with your headphones on, by yourself, lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. The reason for this is how introspective the music is. It takes you on a Journey through you own thoughts and feelings, and when you come too, a full hour has passed and you somehow know whats going on in your life a little better.

I'm not going to tell you that this kind of music is for everyone, but it damn sure is for me. Its music that aids the mind, not controls it. Its not something that you have to pay close attention too. I can't recommend it any more.

Website.

Our little budding internet star

I showed you earlyer our buddy the Beast, and his video of his place. Well here is more. IF you wanna see more click on the movie and go to his page. You can search biggievondee for all 10(!) of his priceless videos



And what would an internet post be without a little what what, in the but.



Thats whats up on the whats up

Another Mav's lo....wait, What?

Dirks back!

The Mav's beat a their first playoff caliber team with J.Kidd.

J-Ho and JET combined for 59 points.(59?)

Crazy.

Last night saw a "rebirth" of Mav's basketball with their 111 to 86 win over the Golden State Warriors. Its a "rebirth" because its the first time since the Kidd trade they beat a team thats over 500. Its a "rebirth" because it gives us now a 2 game lead over the 9th seed with only 7 games left to play. Its a "rebirth" because, for the first time in a long time, they won the battle of whits against Nelly.

What does all this mean? I don't know. It could mean they are getting their shit in line and are going to start playing like the team as talented as they are, or it could be the last ghasp in for the little Mav's this season.

One thing it did do, is almost certainly punch a titcket back to the playoffs. With 7 games left, they have what amounts to a 3 game lead over Golden State. You take away the will wins, home Seattle, @Portland, @Seattle, that leaves you with just 4 games they could lose. If GS drops just one or two more, it will be almost imposible to catch the Mavs.

So gear up for somemore basketball people. Don't quit on this team yet(like I almost did).

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

Apparently, Roger Clemens is helping with Yao's recovery effort.

A Peek Behind the Big and the Brown

A lot of you know us personally, but at the same time seem to ask us "where the hell do you guys come up with this shit?"

Well, I'm going to give you a peek behind the curtain as to how this all works.

Big and I have known each other for almost 15 years now. We usually share our sports views, but every now and then we've argued over little things. Was Eddie Hervey a better second receiver than Alvin Harper? Was Kevin Green better than Greg Lloyd because he liked wrestling? Was Hakeem a better center than Shaq would become (remember, that was 94)?

Those arguments have grown over 15 years to today's arguments which are pretty much the same. Only now, we decided, why not put the damn thing in blog form. Lo and behold, this little site was born.

As for the peek behind the scenes? Here's an example:

Brown: "Oh my God!! K. Dar Dar was on why today doesn't suck. The K stands for Kirby!"
Big: "I was just going to say that. It's a good day for America"
Brown: "Between that and Wrestlemania on Sunday, I feel like we should celebrate America. Let's go kill and eat a bald eagle"
Big: "Only if we can super size it first."
Brown: "God bless you, Kirby Dar Dar."

That little interchange led to this post.

Sure, we have more serious conversations, usually centering around the draft or what movements teams should make.

The point here is that the posts we put up are usually born from a thought one or the other has had while taking a shit and decided to text to the other person. Does it make you uncomfortable knowing you're reading things that have been thought of while expelling the waste of humanity from my bottom? I hope so.

Do we think we're funny? Hell yes.

Do we think you're funny? Hell no.

Do we think we both know a guy who resembles a bear? Hell yes.

Do I remember what the point of this post was? Hell no.

Well, that answers that question

For the two other people who read this (out of the four total) that pay attention to pro wrestling, you might have asked yourselves, "Where were Taker and McMahon during the Flair farewell on Raw on Monday?"

Well, they were there, they just waited for the camera to stop rolling to come out and pay their respects.


Thanks to Pro Wrestling Blog v3.0 here's the video.

(Sorry for the "Cloverfield"-eque quality, it's a damn cell phone camera.)

Ric Flair Tribute
by 619_and_RKO

Greatest. Clip. Ever.

Props to Uni for finding this



Rick meet Beeker.

The 2nd turnbuckle - The most underated body part in wrestling

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So you've done all the crunches. You've done all lifting and sculpted yourself into an Adonis. You've taken the acting classes so you can imrov on the mic. Too bad you'll never recover from that woodshop accident that left you with the ability to only count to 8.


The index finger is the most underated body part in all of professional wrestling. If you have one, it's managable and you'll be the a Inter-continetal champ. Without either index finger you might as well be The Gobbledygooker.

First, you could never point to your opponent in any situation. From the ring to the top of the enterance ramp or vice versa. You couldn't point across the ring at him to say "I'm gonna get you".



Second, if you were in a tag match and wanted to get your partner over with the fans you couldn't point to said partner and then look to the crowd asking if they want him in the match.

Thirdly, you could never declare yourself number one or point to the rafters to thank everyone for you amazing predetermined victory.



Let's say you get past the first to obstacles and are actually in the match. In a scenario where you are down you couldn't be a heel and poke the eyes. If you're a face you can point to the crowd to start the slow clap or USA chant, therefore squashing any hope of a comeback.

More spots you couldn't do in the match rendering you uninteresting.

The "look over there ref" trick that is used in tag matches. This is used either to your advantage or disadvantage if you and your tag partner are about to split.

The "I'm Smart, S..M..R...T". Your opponent whips you into the ropes for the dropkick. You hold on to the ropes, he goes up and flops on his face. You look to the crowd and point to your head show just how smart you are. This sets you up for the bump from behind. In match classic, that you could never do.

You couldn't do the "Dikembe" as it's not in the sports world. In sports-entertainment Hogan did it best. You opponent pummels you and then all of a sudden your eyes open wide and you put your hand up to do the fingerwag to say "No, sir. Not again. I will now do the pummelling". With the primary digit you just hold a up a fist and wag a nub that looks like a clipped dogs ass.



That's why your shop teacher was your shop teacher and not one of the Four Horseman.

Must read

The best thing to come out of ESPN over the past 10 years or so, at least since EPSN2, is page2 on ESPN.com. Its a forum for less than normal sports writers made famous by the polarizing Bill Simmons.

L.Z. Granderson has a fantastic artical about how white college basketball stars have felt the brunt of racism.

Granderson is a great read for not only people of color, but anybody who sees the notion that a good white basketball player is always a Larry Bird clone, while a good black QB is always a Randel Cunningham, and sees a problem with that.

Good stuff, L.Z.

Winning an NBA Championship, the contenders

As I pointed out yesterday, With the aid of my video game badassness, I have come up with a theory about the NBA, and what it takes to win a championship. Basically it takes 3 things, and they are, in order of importance.

1. A top 10 overall player
2. A top 25 overall player(s)
3. Role Players with specific and different roles.

Over the past 30 years this formula has produced all but one of the NBA Champs. So who has a chance this year?

First we have to understand that the list of top 10 and top 25 players is a fluid list, meaning there is no true set in stone way to determine who the top 25 are, no would you want to. For example. The San Antonio Spurs. They have 3 stars, Duncan, Manu, and Parker. On any given night ANY of those guys can become a top 10 or top 25 player.

Second we have to define the role players. "Role players" is term that is thrown around a lot these days. It seams "role players" have replaced the praise "average player" in most peoples minds. Not mine. Jaun Howard isn't a "role player" for his veteran leadership and 5 fouls at the end of a game, he just sucks.
For the purpose of this post let us define role players as a player who covers a spesfic need with great play in an area of their game, or a player that complements a star with a specific ability. Example of both of them are from Cleveland, Ben Wallace the first, and Boobie Gibson the second. Wallace has a specific talent of rebounding and interior D that nobody else has on that squad, while Gibbson's outside shooting is a complement to LBJ's drive and dish style.

So here is the list of Playoff teams that fill the criteria, and a few that come up just short.

New Orleans Hornets 50-22 1 in the West
Top 10 - Chirs Paul
Top 25 - David West, Peja Stojakovic
Role Players - Tyson Chandler (Rebs, Inside Def) Bonzi Wells (Bench Scoreing),
Skivvy - Still a year or two away in my mind. The play of West and Peja in the playoffs will be the deciding factor. Can those two continue to be top flight top 25 guys is the issue.

San Antino Spurs 51-23 2 in the West
Top 10 - Duncan/Manu
Top 25 - Parker/Manu/Duncan
Role Players - Finley(3pt), Bowen(def 3pt), Kurt Thomas(inside def)
Skivvy - With Duncan kind of slipping this year, either due to age, or just boredom, Manu has stepped up and been the most consistent scorer, but any of the three can be the big game guy when the need comes. The help players are what really make San An great. They have a great shut down defender in Bitch Ass, and lots of people that can hit open looks, Finley, Bowen, Stoudemire ext.

LA Lakers 50-24 3rd in west.
Top 10 - Kobe
Top 25 - Gasol/Bynum(if healthy)
Role Players - Odam(pts, def) Walton(passing, smarts), Derek Fisher, Sasha Vujacic(3pt)
Skivvy - If this squad would have been around all year, this might be the fav. If Bynum comes back and get back to his form from the start of the season, watch out. This team has the right combo of stardom, and role players. The only thing that's going to hurt the lake show is their interior defense. Gasol is alright, but he can be brought out of the paint by a decent shooter leaving just a rehabbing Bynum or (gulp) Ronny Turiaf to defend the post.

Utah Jazz 49-26 4th in west
Top 10 - Don't have one.
Top 25 - Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer
Role Players - Mehmet Okur(3pt big), Ronnie Brewer(pts energy), Kyle Korver(3pt), Andrei Kirilenko(hustle, lanky defender), Paul Millsap (reb)
Skivvy - One can argue that Deron Williams can become a top 10 player in the playoffs, but as of right now, he isn't playing like one. This is best example of a team that has all the parts in place, just waiting on a superstar to emerge.

Phoenix Suns 50-24 5th in west
Top 10 - Steve Nash
Top 25 - Amare Stoudemire
Role Players - Leandro Barbosa(speed), Grant Hill(smarts), Shaquille O'Neal(reb def), Raja Bell(def), Gordan Giricek(3pt)
Skivvy - I'm sure people will yell at me for putting Nash in the top 10 and Amare not. The fact is that without Steve Nash this Amera would be just a top 25 guy. The way he sets up the team from every aspect allows Stoudemire to flourish. When the Shaq trade went down, not many people could see how this would work out. The recent 7 game winning streak has proven this can work. They can now play a slower, half court game with Shaq and Stoudemire wrecking havoc in the middle.

Houston Rockets 49-24 6th in west
Top 10 - nobody
Top 25 - T-Mac
Role players - Rafer Alston(skiping to the lou), Luis Scola(low post), Shane Battier(def), Carl Landry(reb), Bobby Jackson(pts, energy), Steve Francis(pts), Dikembe Mutombo(def)
Skivvy - Sorry boys at the Dream Shake, but unless 2 things happen in the playoffs, this is not the team to bring you another Championship. The 2 things that would need to happen is T-Mac playing like a true top 10 guy, (which despite his talent, he hasn't been in 3 years) and someone else stepping up to be his wing man. If Yao were still here, then it would be a different story. However as constructed, 2nd round at best.

Golden State Warriors 45-28 8th in West
Top 10 - maybe Barron Davis
Top 25 - Stephen Jackson/Monta Ellis
Role Players - Al Harrington(stretch def big), Andris Biedrins(reb, lowpost), Matt Barnes(energy)
Skivvy - This is a hard team to figger out, simply because this team plays Nelly Ball. Barron Davis might be a top 10 player, and Stephen Jackson and Monta Ellis are both fringe top 25, but in this system all 3 can flourish and really hurt any team. The role players in Nelly Ball are less of a factor than in most other systems, but they have some good ones that can hurt you. Downside? If you can contain the big 3 up there, you can beat this team easily.

Denver Nuggets 45-28 8th in West
Top 10 - Allen Iverson/Carmelo Anthony
Top 25 - the Other one
Role Players - Kenyon Martin(low post offense), J.R. Smith(explosive scoreing), Linas Kleiza(3pt), Marcus Camby(def and shotblocking) Eduardo Najera(energy) Nene(lowpost)
Skivvy - Both Iverson and Anthony can be the top 10 if they want to, and the other knows to play second fiddle to the hot guy. Camby is this teams biggest strenth and will be the reason they can beat anybody in the playoffs, with his interior D. You throw in guys like Martin, Smith, and Kleiza and this team in damn deep. The roster is there, if only they had a coach who gave a damn.

Boston Celtics 58-15 1st in East
Top 10 - KG
Top 25 - Ray Allen, Paul Peirce
Role Players - Rajon Rondo(PG) James Posey(def) Kendrick Perkins(reb) Sam Cassell(pts, 3pt, ass)
Skivvy - Best team from the east by far. For most of his career, KG hasn't had a top 25 guy next to him, now he has 2. What was thought to be the Achilles heel of this team at the begging of the year, their bench, has molded into a fine complement to the big 3.

Detroit Pistons 52-21 2nd in East
Top 10 - none
Top 25 - Chauncey Billups
Role Players - Richard Hamilton(non stop moter, pts), Tayshaun Prince(def), Rasheed Wallace(def, pts, DANCING), Antonio McDyess(reb), Jason Maxiell(ath)
Skivvy - This is the only team in the last 30 years to win a championship with out a top 10 guy. There are nights that Chauncey can be that guy, but not nearly enough for a true top 10 status. What makes this team work is the fact that everybody complements everybody else. Rip hits the jumpshots when he's open, Tayshawn can d-up any back court guy, Billups hits the big shots, Sheed can do just about anything on the floor. All of these things were all it took to win a title against a imploding Lakers team, but the good teams have gotten better and better every year. No chance this spring.

Orlando Magic 47-27 3rd in the East
Top 10 - Dwight Howard
Top 25 - maybe Rashard Lewis, but really nobody
Role players - Hedo Turkoglu(3pt) Jameer Nelson(ass)
Skivvy - Rashard Lewis is paid like a top 25 guy, but rarely acts like one. He is a good player who if were playing beside LBJ, he would be great. But the star on his team is Superman Howard, who has a boat load of potential, but just isn't there yet. With a few more pieces and Howard improving, this team could win one in maybe 2 years.

Clevland Cav's 41-33 4th in East
Top 10 - Lebron
Top 25 - none
Role Players - Zydrunas Ilgauskas(def reb), Daniel Gibson(3pt), Wally Szczerbiak(3pt, jump shot), Anderson Varejao(hustle), Ben Wallace(lowpost d, reb)
Skivvy - They took baby steps with the big trade, but they still don't have a decent 2 behind the best player in the game. The Role players are there, the star is there. The roster only needs one more player to play second fiddle to LBJ.

Wow, that was long as shit. If you made it this far down, good for you. I'll buy you a cookie. Don't worry Mav's fans, I got a whole post on how the Mav's fair up with this theory. Right now, my heard hurts, from NBA overload. (sorry for no pics, it took me long enough to write this damn thing, i'm not going looking for pics)

Brangelina, meet the Dead Man.

Here's a fun little story from on 205th.

Apparently, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are renting a home owned by one Mark Calaway. Who is Mark Calaway? Look in the bottom corner of this picture...



That's right, WWE's The Undertaker.

Apparently he has a giant master bedroom because he needed a giant bed.

That's not a joke, but I really wish it was.

What's the big deal about this?

If you've read anything in the past week or so, you've seen the story about Tiger Woods being the most fined player on the PGA tour because of the amount he goes nuts and starts cussing people out on the course. Namely, this was started because at Doral two weeks ago, a photographer snapped a picture during his backswing and he, apparently, went off on that photographer.

Here's the video, courtesy of FanHouse

So, let's get this straight. All he said was "not in my swing" and that causes an uproar? Look, I don't apologize for golfers requiring total silence when they play. As a shitty golfer myself, I look for any excuse I can for making terrible shots.

As for the uproar on cussing. I'd like to know how many of those people have NEVER said a bad word. Especially on a golf course after a bad shot.

Hmm, I'm standing in a glass house and I've got all these stones. Time for my John Elway impression!

Local announce teams...not bad at all

I'd like to think that every city's fandom thinks they have the best announcers for their sports in all the world. If you're an LA, Chicago or New York, that may be true in that your guys are that famous. However, I'd like to think the four sets of announce teams that Dallas has are very very good. No one is truly annoying, and each set seems good humored enough make fun of each other when they screw up.

Football - Dallas Cowboys - Brad Sham and Babe Laufenberg

Brad Sham is all over the place these days. I heard him calling an NCAA tournament game with John Thompson. However, could you really imagine the modern day Cowboys being called by anyone else? Doesn't matter if he is with Babe, Charlie Waters, Grady Tinker, Bob Sturm, Larry Brown. Brad Sham is a guy who you just like to listen to when he's calling the game.

Baseball - Texas Rangers - Josh Llewyn and Tom Grieve

I might be one of the few, but damn it, I like this duo. Sure, show me the Eric Nadal's every now and then. Sure, Knox in the Fox Box is always a good time. However, I challenge you to find me a better time then on a Saturday in May, windows open and the fan on, laying on the couch with a beer and the Rangers game. Now do you really want Buck and McCarver with that call? No, you want Josh and TAG.

Basketball - Dallas Mavericks - Mark Folliwill and Brad Davis

Ahh yes, "Laser Cannon Mouth" himself and the man who stole the job from Bob Ortegal. Again, I like these guys. Would I prefer the national team? Yes. Do I enjoy the channel 21 broadcast? Yes. Plus, when they're on the radio, they have no problem making fun of each other. You gotta love that.

Hockey - Dallas Stars - Ralph Strangis and Darryl Reaugh

If you haven't heard Ralph and Razor call a Stars game, you're missing out. These guys make hockey fun and if you dont think that Razor is down for a bit, then you are kidding yourself.

Big and Brown Idol: Season 1: J-Bizzle

Today's entry comes from J-Bizzle. Remember, if you want to tryout for Season 1 of Big and Brown Idol, send your entry to our email address, thebigandthebrown@yahoo.com You don't win anything, and we're only allowing it for this and maybe next week.

Tyler Hansbrough is the best player in men's college basketball this season. I could probably do my research and make all kinds of arguments as to why I wrote the previous statement. However, I feel that enough has already been written about Hansbrough, Mayo, Augustin, Beasley, etc, etc, and, frankly I don't really care who wins the award. I like my college basketball like I like my Major League Baseball.....one month out of the year (unless a team I care about is playing, naturally). What is bothering me today is what is sometimes said about these kids, specifically during games.

During the Lousiville and North Carolina match-up, Hansbrough played his typical game. He had a few timely points, a couple highlights and several "deer in the headlights" looks. (Anybody else notice that he always looks like that?) Anyway, sometime in the second half, UNC's right-handed forward drove the lane and finished with his LEFT hand. Holy macarol this kid is "amphibious"! Wait, did I just make a Big-like spelling error? No, no. One of the commentators of the game (man I wish I had this guy's name) actually said that Tyler Hansbrough is amphibious. Poor kid, this guy has ruined his life, because there is only one explanation for this. Tyler Hansbrough is Aquaman!

His secret identity has been ruined. Okay, maybe not.

What Mr. Imadumass (sound it out) meant to say was that Hansbrough is AMBIDEXTROUS, meaning "able to use both hands equally well". He can finish with both right and left hand alike. Instead of mistakingly comparing this kid to a frog or a toad, maybe someone should try reading some literature that is above a 6th grade level. There's no reason..., here's my point, dude. There's no fucking reason...that, while being the color guy of a NATIONALLY televised sporting event, you should use THAT time to try and stretch your vocabulary! Not only was this guy wrong, he was way out in left field, which is in a different sport entirely! Rabble, rabble, rabble!

Like we said, this is your chance as reader to show you can write something or you should slowly step away from the keyboard. Any comments you have should be directed at the author and not us. We take no responsibility. Lately, Big and I are cranking out term papers on this site, so maybe this was more palatable for you.

winning an NBA championship

I, as many of you know, am an avid gamer. I love me some Halo3, Mass Effect, GTA and the like. I own a XBox 360(gamer tag Moose034 if you wanna test your skills)(no for real add me as a friend, i'm lonely). As a sports fan, i'm also am a master of the Sports Video game. Madden, College, MLB, and of course, NBA 2K8.

While playing 2k8 the other day, I was thinking of ways to improve my dynasty and asking myself the question, how do I build a Championship contender? While if I were playing all 82 games, all I would need is a great ball handler, a good 3 point guy, and a good defensive lowpost/ great rebounder. I could probably do OK with say, Devin Harris, Brent Barry, and Dwight Howard. I would do better than OK. I would win at least 75 games, and a championship every year.

But this gaming experience wasn't about playing, but about simming. I know that line up would get drilled in the sim game by just about everybody. This is when my real NBA brain came into focus.

What does one need to win a championship? Is it an all fast break 3 point shooting team? Is it a slow defensive minded grid it out team? Then I came to realization that it isn't even really a team at all. Its about the stars on the team.
Here is what I mean.

You need 3 things to have a championship team.
1. A top 10 player overall.
2. A top 25 player(s)
3. People who serve a specific role on the team.

I chose the Raptors for little reason as they were decent, with upside, and had some good contracts I could trade away. I don't want to bore you with "look how good i am with this game talk," so long story short, In year 2, i won a simmed championship with this roster, Bosh(top 10) Gerald Walace(top 25), Caldaron(penetrating PG), Kapono(3pt guy) Bargnaii(stretch the Def Center), and Chris Duhan(back up points).
Each guy had a role that was used, that covered up other weaknesses.

I know, Its just a video game.

Its not how the real NBA works.

You need stuff like team chemistry, and veteran Leadership, and deep pockets, yada yada yada.

Or is the NBA just like the video game?

This formual seems rather simple in explanation, and surly thats not all you need to suceed in the real life NBA.

Well, lets just take a look back as the last few NBA champs.

O0s Spurs - Duncan - top 10,
Manu/Parker - Top 25
Finley - 3 point, Elson/Oberto - Low post defender/rebounders, Bitch Ass Bowen - defensive guru.

05 Heat - Wade - top 10
Shaq - top 25
walker - strech d 3 point, Payton - solid D back up PG, Haslem - Rebounding low post.

early 00 LA Lakers - Kobe/Shaq - top 10
Kobe Shaq - top 25
Role Players - Derrik Fisher, Rick Fox, Rober Hory

90's Bulls - Jordan - top 10
Pippen - Top 25
Role Players - Rodman, Grant, Armstrong, Paxston, Winnington(ok maybe not winnington)

94-95 Rockets Hakeem - Top 10
Drexler/Hory - top 25
role players - Maxwell, Elli, (starting to get into teams I don't remeber much of their role players, I'm sure grunge dave will pipe up with some I left out)

The list can go on.

In fact, the only team in the last 25 years who doesnt' fit this mold is the Detroit Pistons of a few years ago. The reason for this is they ran into a crazy disfunctional Lakers team that was imploding from the inside out. There maybe something to this thery after all.

As to not make this a SUPER long post, I'll come back in a few with how this theroy plays out this year for our little mavs, and for the rest of the NBA.

How good of a GM is Donnie Nelson?

This is a long post, so take the time to read it, or just scroll down past it to read other posts from the week.

Donnie Nelson has been synonymous with the "behind the scenes" Dallas Mavericks since 2000 when Mark Cuban bought the team. Yes, he technically arrived in 1998 and was an assistant coach for awhile, but work with me here.

Donnie Nelson is given more credit than anyone in building the Mavericks from the old 14 win teams of the early years into the perennial 50-win (maybe) contender they are today. You can't lie with numbers either. Since Nelson has been involved, the Mavericks:

• Have won 66% of their games
• Have had 4 50-win seasons
• Have had 2 60-win seasons, including the 67 win season of last year
• Have made the playoffs seven consecutive seasons
• Made the Western Conference Finals twice
• Made the NBA Finals once
  
• Won their first Division Title in 20 years

Kelly Dwyer of Sports Illustrated named Nelson the second best executive in the NBA behind R.C. Buford of San Antonio.

Nelson is given credit for building this team through shrewd free agent signings, impressive trades and draft picks. Dirk and Josh Howard via the draft. Jason Terry, Jerry Stackhouse, Erick Dampier, Jason Kidd, Antawn Jamison, Steve Nash, Nick Van Exel via trade and FA.

Make no mistake about it, Donnie Nelson is directly responsible for building this Maverick team, be it the run and gun style with his father or the "defense" oriented style with Avery.

Here's my question...is he really that great?

Let's first weigh the drafts, we'll start in 2000, when Cuban bought the team:

• Good hits
  
• Eduardo Najera (no longer with team)
• Etan Thomas (no longer with team)
• Josh Howard
  
• Bad hits
  
• Donnell Harvey
• Courtney Alexander
• Kenny Satterfield
• Kyle Hill
• Mladen Sekularac
• Xue Yuyang
• Vassilis Spanoulis
• J.R. Pinnock
• Maurice Ager
• Milovan Rakovic
• Renaldas Seibutis
• Nick Fazekas

Wow.

Let's weigh the trades

• Good
• w/Bucks for Dirk Nowitzki (yes, this was 1998, but Nelson is given credit. Dirk is the cornerstone of the Dallas Mavericks)
• w/Suns for Steve Nash (yes, this was 1998, but Nelson is given credit. Fan favorite, led to the Mavericks upsurge to prominence.)
• w/Wizards for Juwon Howard, Calvin Booth, and Obinna Ekezie (new blood to a new team chemistry)
  
• w/Nuggets for Raef LaFrentz, Nick Van Exel, Tariq Abdul-Wahad, and Avery Johnson (provided the run 'n gun stylings for Nellieball)
  
• w/Golden State for Antawn Jamison, Danny Fortson, Jiri Welsch, and Chris Mills (added to the run 'n gun stylings for Nellieball and provided contracts to move)
  
• w/Boston for Antoine Walker and Tony Delk (added to the run 'n gun stylings for Nellieball and provided contracts to move)
  
• w/Golden State for Erick Dampier (he's the starting center, and he's serviceable and shows flashes of brilliance)
  
• w/Atlanta for Jason Terry and Alan Henderson (Terry is a big part of this team and Henderson was a "defensive specialist"
  
• w/Washington for Jerry Stackhouse and Devin Harris via a draft pick (Stackhouse is a big part of the team and Harris WAS the future)
  
• w/New Orleans for Darrell Armstrong (don't underestimate what Darrell Armstrong was to this team's finals run)
  
• w/Milwaukee for Keith Van Horn (a great trading chip...maybe)
  
• w/Indiana for Anthony Johnson (was a "defensive specialist"...kind of)
  
• w/Minnesota for Trenton Hassell (I liked Hassell and would have liked for him to stay instead of packaged to NJ)
  
• Bad
• None that are truly bad come to mind, as all trades above held value and led to positive gains for the team
• Unrated
• w/New Jersey for Jason Kidd, Antoine Wright and Malik Allen (kind of leaning towards the bad)
  

Not bad at all. His reputation as a trade wizard is well deserved.

Let's weigh the free agent signings

• Good
• Marquis Daniels
• Avery Johnson
• DeSagana Diop
• Adrian Griffin
• Brandon Bass
• Jamaal Magloire
  
• Bad
• Wang Zhizhi
  
• DJ Mbenga
• Pavel Podkolzin
• Rawle Marshall
• Doug Christie
• Greg Buckner
• Devean George
• Pops Mensah Bonsu
• J.J. Barea
• Eddie Jones
• Juwan Howard

Given that some of these guys are still playing or yet to be truly rated, I'd call this one a wash.

I think that, on the whole, Donnie Nelson is a good GM. He's damn sure responsible for dragging this team out of the cellar. However, I think he's a guy who tinkers entirely too much. He's terrible at the draft, and his free agent signings are just "eh". He's a wizard at trades, but it's almost as though he drafts and signs to make trades.

I listed those trades as "good" because in retrospect, they did lead to the team advancing as a whole. Problem is, that was when this team needed to make moves to rebuild themselves into being a contender. Now this team is being compared to the Sacramento Kings of the early 00's as a team that just can't push through. I don't like trade flurries and bad drafts/signings that are made that don't address what a team truly needs to breakthrough. As the windows close and time ticks, the moves seem wasteful and pretty stupid. If Donnie Nelson is as good as the numbers advertise him, he'll do what needs to be done to cut the fat and get this team back on track.

Sometimes, even I've got nothing to say

I know what you're thinking, "that's not possible, Brown's full of piss, vinegar, and hot air."

Well, it's true. Sometimes there just isn't much to say.

It's the beginning of baseball season, but I've already given up on the Rangers (record pace, normally that happens at the end of April). Sure, I could spend any number of posts bitching about the Mavericks, but I won't do that. The draft is still too far away, so the Cowboys aren't on my radar. I love soccer, but I don't pay for Setanta sports and the MLS is weed to a crack head, just not enough buzz. I could write a review of Wrestlemania, but the people that would give a damn were watching it last night.

Since I really don't want to resort to link lists and YouTube clip posts, though I have done so in the past, I want to open the door to others to get their write on.

I know a fair share of you think you can write better stuff than Big and I, so here's your chance. Write up a post, email it to us (link's on the sidebar), and if it has any kind of substance, we'll post it. Think of this as "Big and Brown Idol". So all you people who, like we used to do, just sit on the sidelines and talk shit, here's your chance. We're not looking for other bloggers (got that, Unit and Dorsey?) . We're looking at those people who put on the airs that they know everything there is to know about everything (ass holes like me).

Fair warning, we're not claiming responsibility for these guest posts. You write it, we post it, you catch praise/heat for it.

Phone lines are open.

A budding internet star

A friend of ours is sick and tired of people not coming to visit him and see his "sweet" shit hole of a house. So he made some video's and sent them to us. Here is a taste.



beware of the fan.

Norm Hitzges Stole an Idea from Big

No, he didn't read the blog or anything.

Norm just made a point today regarding a theory that he said he came up with.

The theory? The Dallas Mavericks are the Sacramento Kings of the early 2000's.

Big had the same discussion with me last week. I have the text messages to prove it.

Thief! Vandal! Monkey-hipped vagabond!

HAPPY K. DAR DAR DAY!!!!

It is a good day for all Americans. Today is the celebration of one of TB&TB's many favorite athletes of all time.

Kirby Dar Dar.



He was the best Free Agent WR in the first Madden on the Playstation. He was a solid number 2, great slot WR who could return kicks and was a staple of every team we ever did a season with.

As a real player, he played for the Dolphins, Returned kicks, and only played 3 years, but he was a vital peice of alot my Madden teams of that year.

Happy K.Dar Dar Day!

tonights the night for love

NCAA Tourney starts back up tonight. And guess who's still there.



The best mascot ever. Big Red. Western Kentucky. Sunbelt. Bitches.

Brown meets a real live football coach. Says nothing.

Normally, I have no problem chatting up people regardless of their fame status. After all, I'm the guy who called Kareem Abdul-Jabar Roger Murdock to his face and confused the shit out of him until he remembered he was in "Airplane".

However, I was eating dinner last night in Baton Rouge while on business, and I turn to my right only to see a small group of large gentleman in black and yellow shirts at the table next to us.

The man at the center?

Pittsburgh Steelers' coach, Mike Tomlin.

After doing a triple take, my boss wanted me to "Roger Murdock" him and introduce myself as a big fan of "House" and say I really think he was a better Willy Mays Hayes than Wesley Snipes ever could have been.

I couldn't do it for a few reasons:
1) Mike Tomlin really does look like Omar Epps, more so in person. I didn't want to be "that guy" and bring it up.

2) Mike Tomlin is a big fucking dude.

3) The Steelers scouts and coaches that were around him are big fucking dudes.

So, instead of nutting up and saying something witty about Cedrick Wilson and James Harrison or asking him if Ben Roethlisberger was mildly retarded, all I did was interrupt the conversation they were having about the Houston Texan receiving core (I shit you not), and in my meekest "Dikembe. Mr. Mutombo?" voice said "Hey Coach, big fan." and shook his hand.

This was my chance to "Roger Murdock" Mike Tomlin, and I failed.

I'm a big pussy.

The NBA, its FAAANNNNN-tastic

I've been blatantly ignoring the Mav's for the past little bit. Why? Because every time I start to talk about them, and start thinking about them, I start bleeding from the Ears. But, no worries mate, I'm still watching what, in my NBA awareness life, is the BEST NBA year ever. The only way this wont go down as the best NBA year in the last 20 years is some shitty playoffs(read Spurs vs Pistons finials.) Just wanted to drop a few bits of my insane thoughts on yo bitch ass.

-We said it yesterday, but it needs to be said again, Dirks out at least 2 weeks, now it might be the rest of the year. Since the Kidd trade Dirk was playing the best basketball of his career. It hurts to see him go. Now 1 of 2 things can happen.

1. The Mav's rally around the stars Kidd, Stackhouse, and Howard, keep in the playoff race, Dirk returns with a few games left, and they wreck shop.

2. They fall apart. They miss the playoffs. Avery gets fired(bad thing?). We take a long hard look at this team(bad thing?). We get our pick back from the Raptors, and get a draft pick somewhere around the 14-18 range.

-How is this not getting some looks from the league? I don't want to sound like the Mav's fan who hates all things Spurs, while yes, Their fans are obnoxious, Manu flops worse than the movie Gigle, Bowen is a dirty mother fucker, and I heard Pop kills puppys while masturbating, but when the Mav's get CRUCIFIED for wanting to trade Stack, so they could cut him and then sit out 30 days, then come back to the Mavs. Thats a big no no said Stern. They can't do that. a week later the Spurs traded Barry for Kurt Thomas, then Barry was cut, waited 30 days and resigned with the Spurs. How is this any different?

(fuck the Spurs, last time we met in the playoffs, we won)(bitches)

- The Supersonics of Seattle are all but gone. Or are they? While the team will be moving, the name Sonics, colors green and gold, and all the records might be staying in Seattle. Good call boys. Maybe if you change the name and colors people will forget how you douched the fans of Seattle.

- Rockets were a cute little story with their 22 game winning streak. They are 2-3 since. Its a little harder to win when you play Boston, New Orleans, Golden State, and Phoenix. (They only won against GS)

Extra Turnbuckle! Joo-uce!

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

He was feeling Sausy, so and he had something else on his mind, so here is another entry from el blogadore.

I just glanced over to My27 and saw that "In the Army Now" was on. I watched for a little bit. I love Pauly Shore movies. This is probably the worst one. The Blogadore criteria for judging a movie if it isn't automatically good is "how would this make as a wrestling show?"

"In the Army Now" has 4 recognizable actors in it. Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, David Alan Grier, and Lori Petty. The tent scene with these 4 caused parts of my brain to stop working. None of them have anything. Pauly shore kind of does, but it's not enought to count. It's a what Delkus would call a "trace" amount, but nothing measurable.

Putting these four together is like a cage match with Chuck Palumbo, Kenny Dykstra, Jamie Noble, and Jimmy Wang Yang. You kinda like them as individuals, but when they're carrying the match you're checking other channels.

"Bio-Dome" is by far Shore's masterpiece. Why? You have pre-Jesus Freak Stephen Baldwin, Kylie Minogue, William Atherton (the jerk that made them shut down the containment unit in Ghostbusters), and Henry Gibson (the head of the Illinoise Nazi Party from Blues Brothers).

So all these characters/actors carry parts, but not the entire movie. Very similar to say a battle royal or 8-man tag match. Example, the No Way Out match between DX and Owen Hart/Steve Austin/Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack . Nobody had to carry that match because all the work that was needed to be done was done by role players.

I can go on all day analyzing the Pauly Shore collection as it compares to professional wrestling, but I don't want captivate you too much keep you from getting things done.

No, you don't get that time back.

Breaking down A bracket

My brain is on sports overload right now. It happens every year at this point. NBA is pushing into the strech run, Baseball is about to start, the NFL draft is around the corner, and the NCAA tourney has me watching 12 hours of college basketball for 4 straight days.

Every year I try and get a Bracket pool going for a little bit of money(monolopy of course, becasue gambling is against the law here in Texas.) Sometimes the players are many, and sometimes they are few, but its always a good time. I send out brackets to everybody in the address book vie email, knowing that some people don't even care about sports. I got this bracket back somtime saterday, from my buddy N8 (his name not mine, and he is in his mid 20's not 12.) It looks like this.



Click here for a bigger pic.

Lets just break this down a little bit.

First off, you know he is a Soccer fan, having Manchester win it all.

In a move to make Brown happy, the Indian Cricket Team is better than both The Green Bay Packers, and Fidel Castro, but not the Govenator.

Hitler was a 1 seed that got upset in the sencond round.

Texas(the state I beleive) bested Bradd Pitt, Steve McQueen, and JFK (well, Dallas really bested JFK)

The Univ of North Carolina had a hard road to the final 4, with hard matches against The Dali Lama, Jessica Alba(must be the pregger thing), the State of Tennessee, and Darth Vader.

In what would have to be the most one sided match from the aspect of trailer park support, Dale Ernhardt got past Bin Laden in the round of 16, only to loose to the predator.

Upsets in my mind were as follows.

John Wayne Gacy over the 92 Cowboys.

Gonzaga over Ghandi

and

Tennessee over both Godzilla and King Kong.

Good time waste, good concept. way to go N8(nate), it was gr8(great). TTYL(talk to ya later), you bdb (big douce bag).

the 2nd Turnbuckle - Wrestlemania Style

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

Screw Brackets. Those things are fixed anyway. Tennessee a #2 in the same bracket as UNC? NCAA just trying to hold down Jews.

Gimme Wrestlemania.

This the one time it's ok for mainstream athletes and celebrities to show up at a WWE event.

I assume the card will go in order from least interesting to most. So with the first match-

Bunnymania Lumberjack w/ Snoop Dogg as Special MC.

Why Snoop? Does he think he's master "scripted reality" and can jump in the ring? Granted he has always come out as a fan, but Special MC has no significance. Just like having Pam Anderson walk out Kevin Nash or a special bell ringer.
And the match is going to be horrible too. If you really want to see impressive women wrestling check out TNA. You want the possibility of a fake boob popping or popping out watch the Divas. If you're late for the start of WM, it's ok you won't miss much here. Gimme Mae Young in some crazy stunt that excites 4 people, one of which being Gruber.

JBL and Fit Finlay in a Belfast Brawl

I can't stand either one of these guys. The only one who brings anything is JBL and that's only with decent mic work. This is also almost as corny of a name for a hardcore match as the The Roddy Piper/Goldlust "Hollywood Backlot Brawl"

24-Man Battle Royal for a shot at the ECW title


Guys are fighting for a chance at Chavo? Really? Chavo? They always throw in a Battle Royal at WM. They're easy to do, everyone knows who is supposed make it to the final 4 or 5. There is so much going on in the ring you can talk to a guy without the fans noticing you're laying out your spots. The gimmick battle royal was the best. This one may be alright, but here is my hope, and it never happens. They allow Al Snow to compete in the Battle Royal as all of his personas. I don't even care who wins this. Gimme The Shockmaster in an amazing comeback. In all reality expect a surprise comeback, Bobby Lashley....?

Batista VS. Umaga


Hey, we've got big names, they don't have anyone to fight, they're not in our long term plans, what do we do? Have to yellers push each other around and do nothing exciting. This match will suck. Here is your chance to go get more food and drink, quick Kroger is a little further than you think.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match

These are becoming classic. And this line-up has lots of promise. John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk, and Jericho.

MVP will not win it because he had to fight Jamie Noble for his spot. Jamie who? Exactly.

Carlito won't win because he doesn't have any push behind him. He will always be this era's Razor Ramon. Great IC champ, never the big dog.

Shelton Benjamin. He's in it because he's pure athlete and will do a great show. Too bad he can't find a great gimmick to get behind. Third time is not the charm.

John Morrison. Nope. Too wierd. Too small. The Shaman of Sexy needs to stay in ECW. For some reason the creative is cramming him down our throats.

CM Punk is definitely a fan favorite. But I don't the WWE is ready to put a big title on him. He will get a push for a title that will be vacated shortly. It'll be his trial run. Nobody goes straight to the Big Belt.

Mr. Kennedy will be a big player, but I don't that he's got the heat to be a champ. They could do an "Edge" deal with him and push him with the briefcase to see if he's worthy of holding the belt.

And my pick is Chris Jericho. The WWE would be stupid not to get him in the big mix. He is a headliner. You don't hype someone up as long as they did to have him fight mid-card. It would be like bringing back the McRib and putting it on the Dollar Menu.

Ric Flair V. Shawn Michaels (career threatening match?)

I wish they wouldn't put that in there. It's just a match. The stipulation has been attached to every Flair match for 6 months. Now the story is pretty good. HBK and Flair have been pretty Brokeback for each others abilities and careers and if HBK beats Flair, Flair has to retire. This one can go either way and I'd be happy. I hold hope it will be one of the best matches and put itself up there as one of the greatest in history. HBK over Flair, they walkout arms over each others shoulders or hands on each others bums wear the back pocket should be.

Mayweather V. Big Show

This will go up there with Inoki and Ali in reality, but won't be anywhere close to Balboa and Thunderlips as far as entertainment.

Reality- Mayweather hires someone in his posse to shoot him at a casino, because Mayweathers superfast-rockhard-tiny hands do nothing to Show's watermelon sized melon and body shots would be useless, the guys too big. Unless he punches him wear Jeff Watts happened to make an observation back at Starcade '99 (most obscure reference possible).

I don't how this will playout but you can catch the highlights on Sportscenter.

Edge V. Undertaker (Heavyweight Title fight)

It'll be a decent match. The only storyline here is will the WWE/Undertaker give the OK to put Edge over as the man who ended 'Takers WM undefeated streak. I so want it to happen. So we can put the Taker in the HOF next year. He's only around for nostalgia. Plus I don't want to risk the chance of BikerTaker coming back.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title: Cena V. Triple H V. Orton

This is a very classic match. No highflying theatrics, just guys beating on each other with the most impressive thing being someone bouncing of a rope and Orton possibly going to the top rope.
Orton gets taken out of this pretty early. You were an OK champ kid, thanks for keeping the belt warm. Because they have not changed the appearance of the belt I see it going to Cena. But, looking at the timeline I could see it going to Triple H. He hold the belt through the summer feuding with Cena and hints of Jericho.
Cena and Triple H feud up until One Night Stand or Vengance, that's when Jericho steps in to cash in on his Money in The Bank win and sets up another Triple threat match at SummerSlam. Which would automatically become greatness both in the ring and on the mic. Give me 3 other guys that would be better to feud with the stick? Hilarity and hijinx (hijinks?) ensue.

Thank you Wrestlemania.

Welcome to Hell, Gentlemen.

The Mavericks. An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, spoken about within a mystery.

Now, with a single image, hope is lost for the city of Dallas and the people have given up...

I sent a text message to Big and Bear after the Mavericks' loss against the Spurs yesterday, and it was this:

"12 game streak into the playoffs. I'm calling it. The mavs are the nba version of the ny giants this year. Gonna win the opening round, beat the division rival, then the 2nd seed, then the boston team for the title."

Blind loyalty? Yes. Homerism to the highest degree? Yes. Faith in a sinking ship? Yes. Did not use retarded text messaging language? Yes.

Don't bail on these guys yet. If you do, you're racist. That's right, I said it. White guy goes down and all the white people bail? For shame.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

(Note: Sadly, this wasn't photoshopped...H/T With Leather via Fan IQ)

"I'm Gay with a capital G, baby!"

How did you get to our website?

We have a little Google analytics thing on this site that lets us know what searches people are doing to get to our web site. I haven't really done too much to check on what people are searching to get here, but when I looked this morning...wow. All my Maverick woes are gone because I've been belly laughing for about 10 minutes now.

Here's some highlights of ACTUAL SEARCHES that people have done that have made them visit this little site right here.

twogirlsandacup - I like the fact that our website is now synonymous to women eating shit. Why do people need to Google this? Haven't they figured out the site to go to?

soulja boy ejaculation - I can only imagine some guy sitting at his computer looking for naked pictures of Soulja Boy Tellem, apparently ejaculating, and ending up on Big's comparison of the Mavericks to the Big Lebowski.

june jones fucker - Have we ever mentioned June Jones on this site? Neither of us care about SMU football or Hawai'i football. Let alone, why someone wants to see or call him a fucker.

new porn order - Giggle.

sam elliot nude blogspot - Again, I picture some frumpy housewife who has just seen "Tombstone" and thought the guy with the bushy mustache was uber-sexy. So she's in front of her computer looking for nude pics of him to get her rocks off. She specifies blogspot because, let's be honest, that's much more innocuous on your search history. What does she come across? A "STOP Hammertime" picture.

around and brown porno - And here I thought no one found out about this.

bigs clitoris - I always knew that he had one. This proves it.

bigs moms on small boys - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

boylove - Thanks, Google. I'm just waiting to walk into my own living room one day to find Chris Hansen asking me to sit down and tell him what this has to do with our website.

brown porn - A vast collection indeed. You should search for it.

That may be the sun, but these are dark times in Dallas

I really can't say too much, as I'm doing my best to make sure that the hammer doesn't hit the chamber on Big's gun that's in his mouth right now, so I'll just let Sturm say it for me....

Quick Pop Quiz:

Name that Team

1) They are sliding late after a promising start of the season.

2) They just made a huge trade that looked great, but now is causing all sorts of growing pains.

3) Their Coach is in danger of being fired if this doesn't turn around.

4) Their Players are accused by some of not having the guts to win when it matters.

5) Their Playoff reputation is what keeps anyone from buying into them.

6) They just got beat at home by a team from Southern California.

7) They play their home games at the American Airlines Center.

8) They frustrate the heck out of me.

9) You would be foolish to bet on them advancing past round 1 this year

10) They might need another drastic overhaul when this season is over.

Answer:

If you named either the Stars or the Mavericks, you win.

I'm not sure just what the fuck is going on in this city and its sports teams. Do the Mavericks and Stars not realize that the Cowboys left a bad taste in our mouths and the only thing coming up is Ranger season???

Come on. I'm begging the Sports Gods' mercy. Laura Miller is not in office, forgive us for her parade sin. Forgive us for Jessica Simpson. Forgive us for Matthew McConaughey. Just please, have mercy on this city.

Day one,

So the first day of NCAA is done with, another big one today. It was a pretty simple day, only 2 "upsets," and one of them was 9 seed A&M over 8 seed BYU.

In our little bracket thingie over at ESPN, guess who is in last? That's right, its Brown. I can't say much because I'm second to last, I missed USC, Kent, and the upset special Winthrop(bastards, make me look dumb!!!), but out of those I only have USC going to the next round, so its still anybodys game.

teams I liked from yesterday:

UNLV played great and could give Kansas some problems.

Pitt may have the best defense in the nation right now.

Notre Dame can beat anybody if they get hot.

Teams i didn't like yesterday:

Duke has to play better than that. they might be the weekest 2 in the tourney

Xavier scared me yesterday. I have them all the way to the round of 8. That didn't look like a 3 seed yesterday.

Another slate of games today, and much like yesterday I will be poping on and giving some "reports" on whats going down while i'm at work today. Games i am looking forward to seeing:

Western Ky. vs. Drake - Its the classic David vs. well... David.

Davidson vs. Gonzaga - Its the classic David vs. well....David-son(ha!), again (did they do this so we will most def get a smaller school in the second round?)

South Alabama vs. Butler - Do you see the pattern? All of these are the early games, almost saying go fuck yourself mid majors.

Austin Peay vs. (The team that can't be named for fear Brown will kill me for writting about and "jinxing" his alma mater)

UT-Arlington vs. Memphis - Maybe this Mavrick team will play with some heart.

NCAA Live!!! (kinda)

First 3 games are done, and I'm 3 for three(as if you care). I watched most of the Xaiver-Georgia game and now am looking forward to switching between Kentucky v Marquette, and Purdue v Baylor. Here is my running blog of the second half of the early games.

love the 16-1 match up, Kansas already has 64 and still has 10 left in the game.

The fact that Xaiver/Georgia is the only competive game has the streamming very shaky. I can hear just fine, but I'm watching a silde show right now. Its like someone explaining to you their first time at a basketball game and showing you still pics. "And this Gaines going to the rim." when all it looks like is a bunch of blurry black guys on a basketball court.

Tied at 49 with 7:50 left to go, then Georgia missed 2 layups, followed by a fast break 3 pointer by Xaiver. This could be the begining of the the end.

Other games don't look worth watching at all, Kansas by 25, Mich St by 18.

Yup, in 2 min the X Men have taken all the big mo, now lead by 8 with 5 min left

Dave Bliss from Geogria(how on EARTH did this team not play Baylor in the first round?) just slammed home a NASTY dunk to get the dawgs back to within 4.

Temple is trying to get back into the game againt Mich St, pulling within 12 with 2:20 to go, but nobody is watching because Georgia keeps fouling Xaiver in their comeback attempt.

So Xaiver, Kansas, and Mich St all move on to the round of 32. Good stuff

NCAA Live!!!

I'm at work, for the time being. With that said, NCAA.com, and March Madness on Demand is a god send. I am watching Xavier(a sweet 16 in my bracket) get pushed around right now by the barley 500 Georgia.

Looking forward to later today
Kentucky Baylor Kansas St.
v v v
Marquette Purdue USC

Texas A&M George Mason
v v
BYU Notre Dame

and my upset special

Winthrop
v
Washington St.

Where I think Winthrop will shock the fine older ladies that just wanna fuck us young dudes.

More to come. Keep Checking this post.

15:35 left and Xaiver is down 11 (!) to Georgia. Georgia was 4-12 in the SEC this year.

Mich St. is starting to pull away from Temple, 42-26 with 17:00 left in the game.

And no shocker in the Kansas game, they are blowing up Portland state, who has a 5 foot 6 starting point. They are up 20.

Xaiver started playing like a 3 seed again, pulling withen 4 and has the ball

OK - so the live bloging has lagged my video streaming, so This will the be the last post till after the early games.

Last Chance

Last chance this morning to try and beat me and Brown in a bracket picking contest.

Go to here over at ESPN, and sign up, when asked for group search The Big and the Brown, make your pics, if your Number One, you get a post on this here interweb.

Good stuff. I will be on later with some team/people to watch today.

Sex me.

Please, Howard, don't hurt 'em

So, I watched "Howard the Duck" on television the other day, because it's my god given right as a man, and I've decided that the plot line of the story is much deeper than I ever could have expected.

Here's a basic synopsis of the movie:

The film begins in "Duckworld", a version a planet Earth, only with talking ducks...naturally. Howard, our duck-hero, is sitting on his recliner flipping through the latest edition of "Playduck" (a hilarious play on the magazine "Playboy" if you ask me), and his chair takes off like a rocket and ending up in Cleveland, Ohio.

That's right, if aliens are coming to America from Duckworld, they're coming to Cleveland. I have no problem with that what-so-ever.

A gang of punks mistake him as a child in a costume a proceed to carry him into a club where Lea Thompson's band is playing. The bouncer, also believing Howard is a minor, throws him out of the club. Howard hears Lea Thompson getting accosted by two thugs, and prceeds to use his "Quack Fu" skills to dispose of the would be attackers. Lea Thompson invites him to her apartment.

I think that this was a direct statement on society in general. Here, it says that the gang mentality of America (remember, it's Cleveland) is to assume anything different is to be feared and removed from our daily lives. It takes a extraordinary task to truly earn acceptance by human society from an outsider.

Howard tries to get a job, but is ridiculed for being different. He dismisses Lea Thompson and goes on to cope with life by working in a hot tub and sauna center fixing, you got it, hot tubs and saunas. He is treated unfairly by his employer and leaves.

This is a great statement on how illegal aliens are treated and exploited to do the menial tasks that the rest of us want to do. I know when I need my hot tub fixed, I request aliens.

Howard returns to Cleveland...you know what? Forget it. It was fucking "Howard the Duck". Only two guys I know will argue the movie has relevance, and one of them is the Blogador. I wonder just how high George Lucas was to read the comic and say "I'll make a movie out of this. After Star Wars, I can't miss!"

Can't touch this.

I just want to say one thing here.



That is all.

The 2nd Turnbuckle - Return of the "lost" Blogadore

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So maybe the Blogadore isn't as great a performer as previously thought, but, hey, people still go nuts for Hulk Hogan. Or in the case of Brooke Hogan's 33 year old friend, some people still go for Hulk Hogan's nuts. Heeyyooooh!

I think the writers for "Lost" were part of the creative form late-90s WCW.
The survivors of Flight 815 were the regular WCW. We thought "how are they going to get off the island?" just like we used to think "Who's going to be the next heavyweight champ?"


Then walks in the Outsiders, Hall and Nash. All of a sudden the Others are here to add to the crappy situation. Ethan and Goodwin are making lists and stealing kids. You follow me?



That storyline gets a little boring. But there are still each individual story to watch. That's like the wrestlers who weren't a part of the nWo or feuding with the them.

Eventually everyone is conglomerate or each other. The Others are teaming with Survivors, Survivors are fighting survivors. This is the same situation the WCW/nWo was in. Everyone was either WCW or nWo and someone was trading teams at one point.

So what did they do? Wolfpac.

(I'm pretty sure they misspelled it on purpose to be kewl)

You had nWo (black and white) and nWo: Wolfpac (black and red).They fought each other while still pushing around the WCW regulars. Now on the island you have Camp Locke and Camp Jack, who not only feud with each other, but with the new visitors to the island.

There is something to this theory. People tune in every week just to see who the mystery person is, be it Ben's spy, one of the Ocanic 6, the Captain. Just like we tuned in every week to see who was joining or getting kicked out of the nWo.

Next...WM 24 picks.

T-Shirt Design Contest

Based on unitqm's offer and another offer that was also received, and the fact that our total readership of three people are all for a t-shirt, let's open the floodgates for a t-shirt design contest.

Are we actually going to follow through on getting shirts made? Only if demand breaks the 10 person barrier.

Who chooses the best design? Once we get a minimum of 4 designs, we will post them on the site and make it the poll for the week.

Remember, this shirt has to stretch over Big's frame and match my Brown skin...it's the name of the blog for a reason, ass hats.

Here's the first offering, from my bad MS Paint skills and even worse design skills.

(Click on the image for a larger version)

I don't know if you can post pictures in the comments, so just email them to us and we'll put them in posts as they come along.

What did she say?

I know the song is bad, but just watch it with sound at least on.



Stolen from our buddy UnitQM.

New Feature!!!!

To provide our sexy readers with more happy fun good times, we're introducing a new toy to the website: The Weekly Poll.

Is it a cheap pop? Yes.

Will you still do it? Yes.

Do you love us? Yes.


Check it out on the sidebar, just above the links.

We love you.

Why did the Mavs lose last night?

The text messages flew between Big and I as soon as the final whistle sounded. What in the hell is going on with this team?

There are a lot of reasons this team lost the game last night:
-Bad play for 2.5 quarters
-No motivation
-Disappearance of Jason Kidd
-Bad call on Stackhouse
-Having Howard pass in the ball instead of a good passer
-Kidd's double pump three pointer attempting to draw the foul

All of those are good reasons, sure. But here's the real reason....

Guess who was sitting courtside???

I'm not saying, but I'm just saying...

I didn't see my friends die face down in the muck......

Man i was so ready for last night. The LA Lakers were in town, they didn't have the Gasol, the Mav's were playing great. Everything was shaping up for this team to draw a line in the sand, and say you do not cross. But much like the man who said this in the greatest movie of all time, The Big Lebowski, the Mavs were nothing but a fucking ass hole.

That's right, I have come to think of this team as this man.



Walter Sobchak.

The man that keeps fucking shit up.

I don't understand. This was a league game, Smokey. It wasn't Shomer Shabbos. The lakers were over the line, and yet we did nothing.



Where was the fight for the first 2 1/2 quarters? Where was the Intensity?

Dirk played out of his mind trying to will the team back in it with 35 and 11. JET got hot at points and finished with 19. But it seemed the Mav's brought their pomeranian bowling as Jason Kidd's line was 7 assists, 3 rebounds, and 1 effin point.



1 EFFIN POINT!?!?!

And your the guy who takes a double clutch 3 pointer? Nice.

Don't get me wrong the Kidd trade is still a good thing in my mind, unless he keeps playing like this.

As for the Lake show? Man that creep Kobe can roll.



too bad he's a petter ass. And by petter ass I mean a guy who like to rape chicks from Colorado.

He had 29 and 7 assists. Most in then first half when they blew up the Mav's.

The Mav's can still get on point with a win in their next 2, but right now they are playing way more like a scared little team with no heart than a championship team. In the grand scheme of things, this game means very little. For all we know, she kidnapped herself dude. If this team makes the playoffs and wins (first time I have ever said IF they make it), then its no big deal. But I'm telling you, the ringer can not look empty.



And right now it does. So as the Mav's keep fucking shit up, just like Walter, I'm going to sit here and finish my coffe. When I'm done, maybe I wont care so much that LA just pee'd on my rug.

Too many great things about this clip to name...

Hat tip: Fan House

You have to get through the first 20 seconds...apparently Pawl TV should get the hat tip here.

Let's try...

1) Greatest song ever made.
2) Mockery of the music video with a man I believe to be Jason Garrett
3) Mockery of women's basketball
4) Confused old people
5) Cheerleaders dancing as if this is totally normal
6) "Scientology Kills" sign

300 Jumps the Shark

This is Tom Izzo at, what I believe to be, a pep rally for the tournament...

Let me get this straight, Michigan State decided it was a good idea to dress their basketball team's head coach as King Leonidas from 300.

Wasn't Izzo a respected coach at one time? Honestly, I just don't see Roy Williams, Mike Krzyzewski, Rick Barnes, Billy Gillespie, John Calipari, or any other coach that has an ounce of respect doing stuff like this.

I blame Bruce Pearl.

Umm, tonights kinda huge

I don't know if i can take it.

I have been paceing for the past 2 weeks thinking about.

This thursday might be the biggest sprots day of our young year.

NCAA Tourney Starts. Mav's play the Celtics. I'm sure somewhere Jerry Jones is wheeling to make a big splash in the draft. And i'm sure Tatoo is still playing indoor soccer.

I don't know how I can take it all in.

I need a warm up.

What?

The NCAA tourney play in game is tonight?

Nice, but thats won't be enough

What?

Rockets and Celtics tonight too on TNT at 8:30? 22 games in a row is on the line?

Nice, but I still don't think that will prepair me for the Sports intensive thursday.

Really, They are?

The Mav's and Lakers play tonight? But we just saw Mamba drop 50 on us the other week. Its going down again. This time at home? Nice.

I think this will do. It will get my blood pumping basketball. This week is going to be Awsome.

Need help on your brackets?

Here's your ultimate guide to March Madness:

• Read a few posts on different sites so you know just enough about each team. Just say "I like Psycho-T" after each question about a player and you'll appear to have the basic grasp of things.
• Make a few daring picks like a 15 over a 2. If you're right, you can claim you're a genius. If you're wrong, just say "come on, did you really think I thought Tennessee would get upset? Whatever. "
• Make statements like "George Mason is totally setup to upset Notre Dame because they're a better team, but got a bad seed." People eat this shit up, and you look like you know what you're saying.
• Hate Duke, after all, that's the chic thing to do. Greg Paulus is the new J.J. Redick.
  
• Say "Bruce Pearl is a great coach who obviously cares about his team and his school" and make sure you ignore anyone who brings up the whole Illinois tenure...that didn't count.
  
• Mention to me that Texas set themselves up nicely by falling into the Houston region. Really, I need to know from other people what my team does because I've never paid attention to Texas sports.
  
• Mention to Big that mid-majors have no chance of ever succeeding. Seriously, he loves that shit, and might buy you a beer for your trouble.
• If anyone asks you what you think about teams that were left out of the tournament, just say "the NCAA hates the state of Virginia"....VCU totally deserved a chance to lose in the first round.
• Make sure you share your bracket with everyone. Don't wait for them to ask. It's like fantasy football, everyone is really interested in how your stuff looks and how things are going for you and your bracket.
  
• When Beasley gets "Kevin Durant-ed" out of the first round, be the first to make the comment: "It doesn't matter, he'll still be the first pick in the NBA!"
• Pick a random team, and claim you've followed them all season. Drake! Xavier! Brown's perennial, Gonzaga! St. Joe's! Come on, folks, bandwagons are filling up now!!!
• Look down on anyone when they question why the tournament names an "MOP" and not an "MVP"
• Tell anyone from California that Kevin Love isn't as good as Tyler Hansborough. Watch a live brain aneurysm take place as they argue the East Coast media bias.
  
• If anyone from Baylor speaks up, tell them Dave Bliss called and said "you're welcome"
  

If you really want some insight on what's happening, check out the boys at Thirty Five Seconds. These guys have paid attention to CBB all season, unlike anyone else you know who claim to have done the same thing.

Are they really going to help you pick your bracket? Probably not, but at least you can make some educated guesses.

Have fun on your brackets people. It's Spring Break, so your boss wasn't expecting you to get much work done anyway.

Side note: For those that are wondering why I haven't filled out my bracket in our ESPN challenge, it's because my computer won't load the bracket picker. Rest assured, I've already got it loaded on CBS Sportsline, so my picks are made.

This made my day

Via True Hoop via Dallas Basketball

Dirk loves him some Hitler humor!!

Yes, it’s just locker-room humor. It’s not Louis-Schmeling and all its societal gravitas. It’s not World War II. It’s just a highly-competitive race for the playoffs in the NBA’s Western Conference. But there is pressure. And inside the Mavs, there are tensions and conflicts and adversity. There are newcomers trying to mesh with holdovers. There are black and white people, pulling together, rooting for the same thing.


And in the middle of it, there is Dirk Nowitzki. Happy? Yes, so happy that he’ll allow himself to be the butt of Hitler jokes.

Could it be true? Could it really be true? The guys on the team actually make Hitler jokes at Dirk's expense? Oh please, oh please let this be true. If I read a story about Josh Howard beating Jason Kidd with a cookie and then making Toni Braxton jokes, this team can go ahead and miss the playoffs because I'm thrilled!!

Everybody is Irish Today

In the spirt of the Saint Patty's Day holiday, Here is the Lepricon story from Alabama. I'm sure you've seen this, but its green beer day, watch it again.



And of course the Rap Video

I ain't this ballsy

I love vodka. I've made no secret of the fact that I love vodka. I put the shit on my toast and eat it for breakfast.

However, this shit is unacceptable.

How are you gonna stick a rattlesnake in vodka and sell the shit??

The only acceptable excuse here is to say that this is another Texan attempt to smite the Mexican. "Sure, you put a worm in your tequila, now try a mother fucking rattlesnake in your vodka, Pedro!"

Bracket Time Baby!

For most readers of this site, I kinda know how you do it. You wake up in the morning, get ready for work, go to work, log on to a computer, remind yourself you can't look at porn because your at work, so you drag your happy ass to your other fav sites like ESPN or Deadspin. When you have read everything you can possibly read over there, and the boss still hasn't come in to check on your "work," then you might say, "Hey I wonder what the Big and the Brown are up to today?"

You come on over to the site, find that we a few new posts, you read them, all the while you are saying to yourself, "man these guys have no clue what they are talking about."

First off I must say we are not talking, but Typing(poorly), ass hat.

Second, here if your chance to do something about it. If you, the sexy reader, think you know about basketball than either me(probably) or my hetro-sexual life mate Brown, bring it on.

ESPN every year has a Bracket Challenge. All you need to do is sign up, when it brings you to the "Join a Group or create one" screen, you search The Big and The Brown. If you can't figger it out, hit us up with an email.

What do you get if you win? Well, the number 1 guy/girl who gets the most right at the end of the Tourney wins a free post to rub it in our faces. Thats right, you too can have nobody read your sports thoughts on our website! Or you can take the time to say how much we suck! Or even better yet, how thankfull you are that we let you read what we think!

Who knows, you could be the next Blogadore, Nayfa, or even the Next Kennith Noisewater!

Remember, the Group Name is the Big and the Brown, or send me your email at thebigandthebrown@yahoo.com and I will invite you. Enjoy Bitches!