Random thoughts for the Day.
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
* Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
* There is a great need for sarcasm font.
* Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
* I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
* My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
* While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories
* Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
* Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
* If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
* I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
* While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
* It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
* Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
* My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
* I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
* The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
USA USA USA
Got a little bit of big soccer match coming this week. And with that, i bring you our Europen Futball Master, Sir Arter Chillumsworth.
The last time we spoke I had some very harsh words for our neighbors to the south. But I'm not a violent man, I was just reacting to all their voodoo doll bullshit they were trying to pull in an effort to snap their horrible loss streak on American soil. Well, they've slain their personal demons at the Gold Cup finals, in case you missed it we lost 5-0 (ouch). But if you rewind the tape a little to last month; a full strength US squad defeated the world champions Spain 2-0 then marched to the final and stunned the Brazilians in the first half but after awakening the giant they were promptly squashed 3-2. It was exciting to watch and the quality of play was good the US team is well deserved of the #12 world ranking. But at times the team can be schizophrenic, let's hope the confident side shows throughout the match.
On Wednesday August 12th the United States Mens National Soccer team has a fair shot of defeating Mexico in their own stadium during World Cup Qualifying. A feat accomplished only once before by Costa Rica. You can get more background on the match here. This match is very important for the Mexican team as they need to win it in order to get the automatic berth for the World Cup Tournament next year. They are feeling confident and a small bit worried I would suspect. This could be an epic match that makes history.
I hope you can tune in somehow and support our purple mountains majesty and star spangled plains and such. This one is going to be tricky; it starts at 3pm broadcasting out of Mexico so the main channel is Telemundo (hooray!), however I found a sweet tip for DirecTV customers here. There are ways to get the game streaming onto your computer and most of these are in English so that's sort of a bonus.
I'd write some more but I'm really busy so just follow the links above and get psyched and even if you can't watch the match on wednesday just shout USA! USA! USA! from your office desk sometime around three.
The last time we spoke I had some very harsh words for our neighbors to the south. But I'm not a violent man, I was just reacting to all their voodoo doll bullshit they were trying to pull in an effort to snap their horrible loss streak on American soil. Well, they've slain their personal demons at the Gold Cup finals, in case you missed it we lost 5-0 (ouch). But if you rewind the tape a little to last month; a full strength US squad defeated the world champions Spain 2-0 then marched to the final and stunned the Brazilians in the first half but after awakening the giant they were promptly squashed 3-2. It was exciting to watch and the quality of play was good the US team is well deserved of the #12 world ranking. But at times the team can be schizophrenic, let's hope the confident side shows throughout the match.
On Wednesday August 12th the United States Mens National Soccer team has a fair shot of defeating Mexico in their own stadium during World Cup Qualifying. A feat accomplished only once before by Costa Rica. You can get more background on the match here. This match is very important for the Mexican team as they need to win it in order to get the automatic berth for the World Cup Tournament next year. They are feeling confident and a small bit worried I would suspect. This could be an epic match that makes history.
I hope you can tune in somehow and support our purple mountains majesty and star spangled plains and such. This one is going to be tricky; it starts at 3pm broadcasting out of Mexico so the main channel is Telemundo (hooray!), however I found a sweet tip for DirecTV customers here. There are ways to get the game streaming onto your computer and most of these are in English so that's sort of a bonus.
I'd write some more but I'm really busy so just follow the links above and get psyched and even if you can't watch the match on wednesday just shout USA! USA! USA! from your office desk sometime around three.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Fantastic read regarding ESPN
Over at SportsByBrooks, Brooks has written up a fantastic article regarding the evolution of ESPN and how it has driven to the Twitter muzzling over at Bristol.
BIg’s in radio, so he can probably speak to the battle between programming and sales. Fucking sales guys. Scum of the earth.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Guess what's coming back soon!!!
Can't have a Sunny post with out the greatness of Greenman!
(what, you thought i was talking about something else?)
Friday, July 31, 2009
Elvis is my hero
A certain team that won't be named, has a certain young SS named Elvis. This is his walk up music. Holy Crap.
Chacaroon indeed.
Chacaroon indeed.
Big, in madmen
Do it youself,here. Of course I couldn't do anything about madmen without some picks of my newest Muse, Christina Hendricks.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Guide to Drafting Actors
Its hard for me to explain to you how much i hate ESPN these days. Especially ESPN.com. The constant treating of worthless stories that I don't really care about. The shameless self promoting. It just drives me insane.
Yet, I got to the site almost daily in one form or another. Henry Abbots True Hoop might be my favorite basketball blog, and of course there is one of my leaders, Bill Simmons.
In Simmons most recent post for the four letter, he takes a look at the NBA off-season using quotes from the great movie "Almost Famous." Its a good read, but you have probably already read it.
The Part that got me, and usually when I read Simmons there is always a part that gets me, is his suggestion to do an "Actor's Draft." I'll let him explain.
"If you were to have a DVD-collection draft with five buddies (and by the way, don't think I haven't done this) in which everyone picks six actors in snake fashion and you get every single movie they made on DVD, Hoffman would be a sneaky late-first-round pick. You'd get "Almost Famous," "Boogie Nights," "The Talented Mr. Ripley," "Scent of a Woman" and about 10 watchable indies, right?"
Holy Crap, what a great Idea!!!!!
A fewhoursdays later, I bring you this.
The Draft Guide to Drafting Actors in an Actor Draft(what?).
Rules of the Draft. Its a snake draft, where you pick one actor/actress, and you get his entire catalog of DVD's, both film and TV, and every movie that he makes from this point on.
This guide will be broken down as such, First Rounders, Late Round Sleepers, and Future Pics. I will give you a list of Good Movies/TV they have done, and a why you want them on your draft board.
First Rounders.
Tom Hanks
(Charli
e Wilson's War, Catch Me If You Can, Cast Away, The Green Mile, Saving Private Ryan, That Thing You Do!, Toy Story, Apollo 13, Forrest Gump, Philadelphia, A League of Their Own, Turner & Hooch, Big, Dragnet, The Money Pit, Bachelor Party)
He has to be at least in the top 3 of all draft boards. He has Iconic Movies (Apollo 13, Private Ryan), kids movies (Toy Story), comidies (A League of Their Own, Bachelor Party), and everything in between. He is a guy that no matter who you watching a movie with, wether it be buddies, your girl, your pops or even your grandmother, you can find something in his colection that you can enjoy.
Morgan Freeman
(Se7e
n, Outbreak, The Shawshank Redemption, Unforgiven, The Dark Knight, Evan Almighty, Batman Begins, Million Dollar Baby, Amistad, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Glory, Driving Miss Daisy)
Again a great actor with an impressive resume. There are at least 4 movies that are undeniably "re watchable," and several more that are right up there. Even at his old age, he is 73, he has some life left with the new Batman franchise.
Robert De Niro
(Shark T
ale, Meet the Parents, Men of Honor, Analyze This, Ronin, Jackie Brown, Heat, Casino, Cape Fear, Backdraft, Goodfellas, The Untouchables, Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, New York, New York, Taxi Driver, The Godfather: Part II)
What do you need to say about De Niro? He is versatile, has some Iconic movies, and If your into the "gangster" movie's at all, this is an easy first round pick to get your collection started with a super solid base.
Al Pacino
(Ocea
n's Thirteen, Any Given Sunday, The Devil's Advocate, Donnie Brasco, Heat, Carlito's Way, Scent of a Woman, Glengarry Glen Ross, The Godfathers, Scarface, Serpico)
He is only slightly below De Niro due to the lack of lighter movies on his list. He hasn't done anything like Meet the Parents or Sharks Tale, but his gangster movies are, dare I say, better? Carlito's Way and Scareface > The Untouchables and Ronin? Truly a "Guys Guy" first rounder.
Matt Damon
(Ocean's
Thirteen, The Departed, The Bourne Supremacy, EuroTrip, Finding Forrester, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Rounders, Saving Private Ryan, Good Will Hunting, Dogma, Chasing Amy)
This might be a little bit of a surprise to some people, but the body of work that Matt Damon has delivered speaks for itself. He also has the rub that his acting career is in full swing right now, and certain directors (Scorsese, Sodderberg) like him, and they make good movies.
Denzel Washington
(Amer
ican Gangster, Man on Fire, Training Day, Remember the Titans, The Hurricane, He Got Game, Fallen, Crimson Tide, Philadelphia, Malcolm X, Glory)
If your picking near the end of the first round, Denzel puss another pick early in the second round would make for a solid base for your DVD collection, especially if your into the gansta genre.
Will Ferrell
(Step B
rothers, The Producers, Wedding Crashers, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Elf, Old School, Zoolander, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, The Ladies Man, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, SNL)
The first true Comedic Actor on my draft board. While his bit may be getting a little tiresome, the classic "TNT" movies (TNT movies are mindless, yet extremely watchable movies you will find playing on TNT at any given moment, you know they may not be a high quality movie, but you watch them anyway) such as Zoolander and The Ladies man, coupled with the truly great comedies Old School and Anchorman give him enough cred to warrant a high pic. You throw in his SNL days (1995-2006) and you have a very vast catalog that includes "More Cow Bell," and "Spartan Cheerleaders."
Kevin Costner
(Open
Range, Tin Cup, Wyatt Earp, JFK, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Dances with Wolves, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, The Untouchables, Silverado)
Another one that was kind of a head scratcher for me, but looking at his body of work, he has to be included near the top of most boards. If you are a fan of the western, and I very much am, the additions of Open Range, Wyatt Earp(underrated), Dances with Wolves, and the Silverado (best western ever), are a must have.
Harrison Ford
(Clear
and Present Danger, The Fugitive, Regarding Henry, Patriot Games, Indiana Jones, Star Wars: Episode IV - VI, Blade Runner, Apocalypse Now, American Graffiti )
Indiana Jones and Star Wars. If i was drafting late first round, I would look to take Ford and either Costenr or Denzel. That would be an ideal match.
Tom Cruise
(Missio
n: Impossible, Collateral, The Last Samurai, Magnolia, Jerry Maguire, Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, A Few Good Men, Far and Away, Days of Thunder, Born on the Fourth of July, Rain Man, Cocktail, The Color of Money, Top Gun, Risky Business, The Outsiders, Taps)
OK, this guy has done a bunch of great movies, and is worthy of a top 3 pick. The reason he has slid down so far on my board is over the past few years, I have just really grown to hate the guy. Its like drafting the best player from a Division Rival in fantasy football. You know he's good, you know he is the best out there, but you really want him to fail. I mean you really really want him to blow out a knee and shit his pants the first snap of the season. That's why the guy who was in my favorite movie as a kid, Top Gun, and so many other great flicks, has fallen this far.
Russell Crowe
(American
Gangster, Cinderella Man, A Beautiful Mind, Gladiator, L.A. Confidential)
Crowe may not have done as many movies as DeNero or Freeman, but you get one hell of a great bang for your buck from the Aussie. L.A. Confidential and Gladiator are must owns for any guy with a shred of taste.
Leonardo DiCaprio
(The D
eparted, Catch Me If You Can, Gangs of New York, The Beach, Titanic, Romeo + Juliet ,The Basketball Diaries, What's Eating Gilbert Grape)
The last of the first rounders is Leo. His filmogrphy isn't very big, yet he has done some great, must have, movies, and he is Scorsese's new golden child, so you know more great movies are to come (Sinatra biopic?)
Late Round Sleepers
The following are guys you can have in later rounds, that are well, sleepers. They may not come first to your mind, but when you think about what all they have done, you are getting a bunch of solid movies late in the game.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
(Charlie Wilson's War, C
apote, Almost Famous, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Magnolia, Patch Adams, Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski, Twister, The Yearling, Scent of a Woman)
One of the more versatile actors of our generation, he has the ability to play a number roles and play them all well. Also the first person that I would draft to get my favorite movie "The Big Lebowski" in my collection. He may not have been the lead in any of these movies, but he part was vital to them all becoming fantastic flicks.
Robert Duvall
(Th
ank You for Smoking, Open Range, Gods and Generals, Gone in Sixty Seconds, The Apostle, Sling Blade, Newsies, Days of Thunder, Lonesome Dove, The Natural, The Godfathers, True Grit)
A guy that you may not think of when thinking of super star power, but a later pick of Duvall for Lonesome Dove alone would be worth it. You throw in the Godfathers if you missed on Pachino or DeNero, and TNT movies Days of Thunder and Gone in Sixty Seconds, you have a super solid later round pick.
Jim Carrey
(Et
ernal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Bruce Almighty, Me, Myself & Irene, Man on the Moon, Liar Liar, Ace Ventura, Dumb & Dumber)
Because of his star name, you might not be able to get carrey past the 4th round, but if he falls, the Ace Ventura and Dumb & Dumber star is a nice value.
Sylvester Stallone
(Demolition Man, Cliffhanger, Rocky, Rambo, Over the Top, Cobra, Victory)
Another guy that will probably get drafted too high based on the Rocky movies, but with no other notable actors in the series, if you want the Rockys, and don't want to burn a pic on Paulie, you may want to be that guy who reaches for him.
Kevin Spacey
(The Life of David Gale, American Beauty, L.A. Confidential, Se7en, Outbreak, The Usual Suspects, Glengarry Glen Ross, See No Evil, Hear No Evil)
Depending on your fandom of the movies such as Confidential, Beauty or the Usual Suspects, you could make a case that Spacey should be drafted in the late first, early second, yet somehow when you think of him, you don't think great body of work. His body of work is fantastic however, and if you can get him late, you got a steal.
Robin Williams
(Happy Feet, Death to Smoochy, Patch Adams, What Dreams May Come, Good Will Hunting, The Birdcage, Mrs. Doubtfire, Aladdin, FernGully: The Last Rainforest, Hook, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning, Vietnam)
Great pic here if you have kids, yet don't want to waist a pick on a specific movie. Williams gives you some Kids stuff (Aladdin, Happy Feet), funny stuff (Patch Adams, Birdcage), and great movies(Dead Poets, Good Will Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam).
Chris Farley
(Dirty Work, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, Airheads, Wayne's World 2, Coneheads, Wayne's World, SNL)
When I think of Farly I think of SNL (1990-1995), and Tommy Boy, yet his bit parts in Airheads, Wayne's World and Coneheads give his catalog a nice selection in the later rounds.
Val Kilmer
(The Saint, Heat, Batman Forever, Tombstone, The Real McCoy, The Doors, Willow, Top Gun, Real Genius)
Of all the Tombstone guys, he has the best other credits, plus you get what might be the greatest TNT movie of all time, Real Genius.
Steve Buscemi
(Big Fish, Monsters, Inc., Armageddon, The Big Lebowski, The Wedding Singer, Fargo, Desperado, Airheads, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Lonesome Dove)
Ahh, the greatest chareter actor of all time. Other than PCH, Buscemi is the only other guy from Lebowski that I would take that wasn't my last pic. You get Pulp Piction, Reservoir Dogs, Fargo and the underrated Airheads.
Jason Lee
(Clerks II, The Incredibles, Jersey Girl, Stealing Harvard, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Almost Famous, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Mallrats, My Name is Earl)
Almost a niche pick here, but his rolls in Chasing Amy and Almost Famous are his high water marks, but Mallrats, Dogma, and Stealing Harvard are strong to quite strong movies.
Bill Murray
(Lost in Translation, The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Kingpin, Ed Wood, Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters, Scrooged, Tootsie, Stripes, Caddyshack)
Last person I'm going to put in this category, is Bill Murray. He may not be top of mind, due to his recent lack of quality stuff, but this guy has played a part in some of the greatest comedy of all time, Groundhog Day, Ghosbusters, Stripes and he might be the only person worth drafting out of Caddyshack.
Futures
Futures are guys that you want to take late, and hope they continue to make good movies over the next 20 years so you can beef up your collection.
Bill Hader
(Adventureland, Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Hot Rod, Knocked Up, SNL)
Hader might be my "next great comedy star" guy who also has the equal shot of becoming "funny big guy in a lot of movies." I'm a fan of his, and i would draft him in hopes of breaking out.
Danny McBride
("Eastbound & Down", Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Hot Rod, The Foot Fist Way)
This guy has got huge upside. The type of characters he plays in Eastbound and Hot Rod, will be bit parts that will be around for a long time. I expect good things from this guy.
Chris Pine
(Star Trek, Smokin' Aces)
When thinking about futures it's easy to take a look at comedic performers in bit parts and say "They guy's funny. I bet he will be funny next time i see him." But with dramatic actors, not so much. Come on, who ever thought Marky Mark would be a good actor. With that said, I like Chris Pine. He did a great job in Star Trek, and I can see him having the chops and staying power it takes to succeed in movies these days, now lets just hope he picks good roles.
So there is your extremely long, quite possibly insane Draft Guide to Actors. If you made it this far, God bless you. If you feel so inclined, hit me up with your pics that I left off in the comments.
Yet, I got to the site almost daily in one form or another. Henry Abbots True Hoop might be my favorite basketball blog, and of course there is one of my leaders, Bill Simmons.
In Simmons most recent post for the four letter, he takes a look at the NBA off-season using quotes from the great movie "Almost Famous." Its a good read, but you have probably already read it.
The Part that got me, and usually when I read Simmons there is always a part that gets me, is his suggestion to do an "Actor's Draft." I'll let him explain.
"If you were to have a DVD-collection draft with five buddies (and by the way, don't think I haven't done this) in which everyone picks six actors in snake fashion and you get every single movie they made on DVD, Hoffman would be a sneaky late-first-round pick. You'd get "Almost Famous," "Boogie Nights," "The Talented Mr. Ripley," "Scent of a Woman" and about 10 watchable indies, right?"
Holy Crap, what a great Idea!!!!!
A few
The Draft Guide to Drafting Actors in an Actor Draft(what?).
Rules of the Draft. Its a snake draft, where you pick one actor/actress, and you get his entire catalog of DVD's, both film and TV, and every movie that he makes from this point on.
This guide will be broken down as such, First Rounders, Late Round Sleepers, and Future Pics. I will give you a list of Good Movies/TV they have done, and a why you want them on your draft board.
First Rounders.
Tom Hanks
(Charli
e Wilson's War, Catch Me If You Can, Cast Away, The Green Mile, Saving Private Ryan, That Thing You Do!, Toy Story, Apollo 13, Forrest Gump, Philadelphia, A League of Their Own, Turner & Hooch, Big, Dragnet, The Money Pit, Bachelor Party)He has to be at least in the top 3 of all draft boards. He has Iconic Movies (Apollo 13, Private Ryan), kids movies (Toy Story), comidies (A League of Their Own, Bachelor Party), and everything in between. He is a guy that no matter who you watching a movie with, wether it be buddies, your girl, your pops or even your grandmother, you can find something in his colection that you can enjoy.
Morgan Freeman
(Se7e
n, Outbreak, The Shawshank Redemption, Unforgiven, The Dark Knight, Evan Almighty, Batman Begins, Million Dollar Baby, Amistad, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Glory, Driving Miss Daisy)Again a great actor with an impressive resume. There are at least 4 movies that are undeniably "re watchable," and several more that are right up there. Even at his old age, he is 73, he has some life left with the new Batman franchise.
Robert De Niro
(Shark T
ale, Meet the Parents, Men of Honor, Analyze This, Ronin, Jackie Brown, Heat, Casino, Cape Fear, Backdraft, Goodfellas, The Untouchables, Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, New York, New York, Taxi Driver, The Godfather: Part II)What do you need to say about De Niro? He is versatile, has some Iconic movies, and If your into the "gangster" movie's at all, this is an easy first round pick to get your collection started with a super solid base.
Al Pacino
(Ocea
n's Thirteen, Any Given Sunday, The Devil's Advocate, Donnie Brasco, Heat, Carlito's Way, Scent of a Woman, Glengarry Glen Ross, The Godfathers, Scarface, Serpico)He is only slightly below De Niro due to the lack of lighter movies on his list. He hasn't done anything like Meet the Parents or Sharks Tale, but his gangster movies are, dare I say, better? Carlito's Way and Scareface > The Untouchables and Ronin? Truly a "Guys Guy" first rounder.
Matt Damon
(Ocean's
Thirteen, The Departed, The Bourne Supremacy, EuroTrip, Finding Forrester, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Rounders, Saving Private Ryan, Good Will Hunting, Dogma, Chasing Amy)This might be a little bit of a surprise to some people, but the body of work that Matt Damon has delivered speaks for itself. He also has the rub that his acting career is in full swing right now, and certain directors (Scorsese, Sodderberg) like him, and they make good movies.
Denzel Washington
(Amer
ican Gangster, Man on Fire, Training Day, Remember the Titans, The Hurricane, He Got Game, Fallen, Crimson Tide, Philadelphia, Malcolm X, Glory)If your picking near the end of the first round, Denzel puss another pick early in the second round would make for a solid base for your DVD collection, especially if your into the gansta genre.
Will Ferrell
(Step B
rothers, The Producers, Wedding Crashers, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Elf, Old School, Zoolander, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, The Ladies Man, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, SNL)The first true Comedic Actor on my draft board. While his bit may be getting a little tiresome, the classic "TNT" movies (TNT movies are mindless, yet extremely watchable movies you will find playing on TNT at any given moment, you know they may not be a high quality movie, but you watch them anyway) such as Zoolander and The Ladies man, coupled with the truly great comedies Old School and Anchorman give him enough cred to warrant a high pic. You throw in his SNL days (1995-2006) and you have a very vast catalog that includes "More Cow Bell," and "Spartan Cheerleaders."
Kevin Costner
(Open
Range, Tin Cup, Wyatt Earp, JFK, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Dances with Wolves, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, The Untouchables, Silverado)Another one that was kind of a head scratcher for me, but looking at his body of work, he has to be included near the top of most boards. If you are a fan of the western, and I very much am, the additions of Open Range, Wyatt Earp(underrated), Dances with Wolves, and the Silverado (best western ever), are a must have.
Harrison Ford
(Clear
and Present Danger, The Fugitive, Regarding Henry, Patriot Games, Indiana Jones, Star Wars: Episode IV - VI, Blade Runner, Apocalypse Now, American Graffiti )Indiana Jones and Star Wars. If i was drafting late first round, I would look to take Ford and either Costenr or Denzel. That would be an ideal match.
Tom Cruise
(Missio
n: Impossible, Collateral, The Last Samurai, Magnolia, Jerry Maguire, Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, A Few Good Men, Far and Away, Days of Thunder, Born on the Fourth of July, Rain Man, Cocktail, The Color of Money, Top Gun, Risky Business, The Outsiders, Taps)OK, this guy has done a bunch of great movies, and is worthy of a top 3 pick. The reason he has slid down so far on my board is over the past few years, I have just really grown to hate the guy. Its like drafting the best player from a Division Rival in fantasy football. You know he's good, you know he is the best out there, but you really want him to fail. I mean you really really want him to blow out a knee and shit his pants the first snap of the season. That's why the guy who was in my favorite movie as a kid, Top Gun, and so many other great flicks, has fallen this far.
Russell Crowe
(American
Gangster, Cinderella Man, A Beautiful Mind, Gladiator, L.A. Confidential)Crowe may not have done as many movies as DeNero or Freeman, but you get one hell of a great bang for your buck from the Aussie. L.A. Confidential and Gladiator are must owns for any guy with a shred of taste.
Leonardo DiCaprio
(The D
eparted, Catch Me If You Can, Gangs of New York, The Beach, Titanic, Romeo + Juliet ,The Basketball Diaries, What's Eating Gilbert Grape)The last of the first rounders is Leo. His filmogrphy isn't very big, yet he has done some great, must have, movies, and he is Scorsese's new golden child, so you know more great movies are to come (Sinatra biopic?)
Late Round Sleepers
The following are guys you can have in later rounds, that are well, sleepers. They may not come first to your mind, but when you think about what all they have done, you are getting a bunch of solid movies late in the game.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
(Charlie Wilson's War, C
apote, Almost Famous, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Magnolia, Patch Adams, Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski, Twister, The Yearling, Scent of a Woman)One of the more versatile actors of our generation, he has the ability to play a number roles and play them all well. Also the first person that I would draft to get my favorite movie "The Big Lebowski" in my collection. He may not have been the lead in any of these movies, but he part was vital to them all becoming fantastic flicks.
Robert Duvall
(Th
ank You for Smoking, Open Range, Gods and Generals, Gone in Sixty Seconds, The Apostle, Sling Blade, Newsies, Days of Thunder, Lonesome Dove, The Natural, The Godfathers, True Grit)A guy that you may not think of when thinking of super star power, but a later pick of Duvall for Lonesome Dove alone would be worth it. You throw in the Godfathers if you missed on Pachino or DeNero, and TNT movies Days of Thunder and Gone in Sixty Seconds, you have a super solid later round pick.
Jim Carrey
(Et
ernal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Bruce Almighty, Me, Myself & Irene, Man on the Moon, Liar Liar, Ace Ventura, Dumb & Dumber)Because of his star name, you might not be able to get carrey past the 4th round, but if he falls, the Ace Ventura and Dumb & Dumber star is a nice value.
Sylvester Stallone
(Demolition Man, Cliffhanger, Rocky, Rambo, Over the Top, Cobra, Victory)Another guy that will probably get drafted too high based on the Rocky movies, but with no other notable actors in the series, if you want the Rockys, and don't want to burn a pic on Paulie, you may want to be that guy who reaches for him.
Kevin Spacey
(The Life of David Gale, American Beauty, L.A. Confidential, Se7en, Outbreak, The Usual Suspects, Glengarry Glen Ross, See No Evil, Hear No Evil)Depending on your fandom of the movies such as Confidential, Beauty or the Usual Suspects, you could make a case that Spacey should be drafted in the late first, early second, yet somehow when you think of him, you don't think great body of work. His body of work is fantastic however, and if you can get him late, you got a steal.
Robin Williams
(Happy Feet, Death to Smoochy, Patch Adams, What Dreams May Come, Good Will Hunting, The Birdcage, Mrs. Doubtfire, Aladdin, FernGully: The Last Rainforest, Hook, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning, Vietnam)Great pic here if you have kids, yet don't want to waist a pick on a specific movie. Williams gives you some Kids stuff (Aladdin, Happy Feet), funny stuff (Patch Adams, Birdcage), and great movies(Dead Poets, Good Will Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam).
Chris Farley
(Dirty Work, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, Airheads, Wayne's World 2, Coneheads, Wayne's World, SNL)When I think of Farly I think of SNL (1990-1995), and Tommy Boy, yet his bit parts in Airheads, Wayne's World and Coneheads give his catalog a nice selection in the later rounds.
Val Kilmer
(The Saint, Heat, Batman Forever, Tombstone, The Real McCoy, The Doors, Willow, Top Gun, Real Genius)Of all the Tombstone guys, he has the best other credits, plus you get what might be the greatest TNT movie of all time, Real Genius.
Steve Buscemi
(Big Fish, Monsters, Inc., Armageddon, The Big Lebowski, The Wedding Singer, Fargo, Desperado, Airheads, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Lonesome Dove)Ahh, the greatest chareter actor of all time. Other than PCH, Buscemi is the only other guy from Lebowski that I would take that wasn't my last pic. You get Pulp Piction, Reservoir Dogs, Fargo and the underrated Airheads.
Jason Lee
(Clerks II, The Incredibles, Jersey Girl, Stealing Harvard, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Almost Famous, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Mallrats, My Name is Earl)Almost a niche pick here, but his rolls in Chasing Amy and Almost Famous are his high water marks, but Mallrats, Dogma, and Stealing Harvard are strong to quite strong movies.
Bill Murray
(Lost in Translation, The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Kingpin, Ed Wood, Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters, Scrooged, Tootsie, Stripes, Caddyshack)Last person I'm going to put in this category, is Bill Murray. He may not be top of mind, due to his recent lack of quality stuff, but this guy has played a part in some of the greatest comedy of all time, Groundhog Day, Ghosbusters, Stripes and he might be the only person worth drafting out of Caddyshack.
Futures
Futures are guys that you want to take late, and hope they continue to make good movies over the next 20 years so you can beef up your collection.
Bill Hader
(Adventureland, Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Hot Rod, Knocked Up, SNL)Hader might be my "next great comedy star" guy who also has the equal shot of becoming "funny big guy in a lot of movies." I'm a fan of his, and i would draft him in hopes of breaking out.
Danny McBride
("Eastbound & Down", Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Hot Rod, The Foot Fist Way)This guy has got huge upside. The type of characters he plays in Eastbound and Hot Rod, will be bit parts that will be around for a long time. I expect good things from this guy.
Chris Pine
(Star Trek, Smokin' Aces)When thinking about futures it's easy to take a look at comedic performers in bit parts and say "They guy's funny. I bet he will be funny next time i see him." But with dramatic actors, not so much. Come on, who ever thought Marky Mark would be a good actor. With that said, I like Chris Pine. He did a great job in Star Trek, and I can see him having the chops and staying power it takes to succeed in movies these days, now lets just hope he picks good roles.
So there is your extremely long, quite possibly insane Draft Guide to Actors. If you made it this far, God bless you. If you feel so inclined, hit me up with your pics that I left off in the comments.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Friday, July 24, 2009
I’ve just had one of those moments…
You know when you’re having a bad day? Things don’t seem to be going right, stress level is high, all you want to do is just hide under the covers until the next day? One of those kinds of days.
Well, I’m having one of those days…correction…I was having one of those days.
Then it happened. I might have just taken one of the top 5 shits of my life.
This shit has seriously turned my entire day around. I emerged from the bathroom a new man. Really, this was one of those poos where you sit down and it’s like the gates of hell are unleashed. You shrink a waist size or two, and all of the sudden you have a six pack.
The best comparison I can give you is it’s like one of those times where you have sex, and you realize that you’re lasting much longer than usual and your sober. You’re kind of like “this is odd, I’m not even close” so you say, “fuck it, I’m going for broke” and you turn into a young Peter North.
Anyway. I’m not sure what caused this shit to happen. But, my day has gone from bad to awesome in one sitting.
That is all.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Man, even I find this a little dirty
So, if you haven’t seen the story Josh Selby, let me give you a little bit of background here…
Josh Selby was Tennessee’s prize basketball recruit. The proverbial crown jewel of the class. Selby’s a consensus top 10 national recruit, and he committed to UTenn back in September of last year. Now all of the sudden, after attending a basketball camp with his mother, Selby has decommitted to UTenn and is now looking at Kentucky and Oregon.
Now, given the landscape of recruiting in 2009, the commitment/decommitment rituals of the high school student are nothing to be surprised at. Shit, when I was 17/18, I was emo-confused about what I was going to eat for dinner. So, why is Selby’s case so special?
Hint Number 1: Tennessee is an Adidas school
Hint Number 2: Kentucky and Oregon are Nike schools
Hint Number 3: The camp that Selby attended was a Nike camp
See where this is going?
The man at the center of this controversy is a man named William Wesley. Name ring a bell? How’s about his nickname, “Worldwide Wes”? His Wikipedia page...
See, no one knows how or what the hell purpose Wes has, but he’s always at the center of these things.
So, to recap:
1) Selby recruits to Tennessee, an Adidas school
2) Selby attends a Nike camp with his mother
3) Mother chats with William Wesley, noted Nike shill and good friend of John Calipari (now coach at Kentucky. Former coach at Memphis where both of Selby’s cousins play)
4) Selby de-commits from Tennessee and now is interested in Kentucky.
The NCAA seems sit on a pretty high perch when it comes to slapping people with recruiting restrictions…loopholes sure are fun.
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Disagreeing with Rick Reilly…
I'm going to admit that I've been a Rick Reilly fan since I discovered Sports Illustrated as a kid. For all his "Reilly-ness", his stories always had my attention, and I thought his approach was certainly different.
I followed Reilly through SI, and now onto ESPN.com What I've noticed now is that a) I'm more cynical than ever b) Reilly is an old man with good ol' days syndrome or c) I'm easily irritated.
It's probably all three.
Anyway, his latest piece might have been one of the asinine things I've ever read.
"Tiger Woods has outgrown those Urkel glasses he had as a kid. Outgrown the crazy hair. Outgrown a body that was mostly neck.
When will he outgrow his temper?
The man is 33 years old, married, the father of two. He is paid nearly $100 million a year to be the representative for some monstrously huge companies, from Nike to Accenture. He is the world's most famous and beloved athlete.
And yet he spent most of his two days at Turnberry last week doing the Turn and Bury. He'd hit a bad shot, turn and bury his club into the ground in a fit. It was two days of Tiger Tantrums -- slamming his club, throwing his club and cursing his club. In front of a worldwide audience."
Let me get this straight. The guy is a corporate automaton who maintains a public presence the way Nike and IEG expect. He has achieved a role model status that not many (if any) have reached and does so, but we're going to get mad at him because he gets mad? On a golf course?
Really?
Look, I've played golf with hot heads and with serene people all the same, and every now and then, a curse word is released into the world. Apparently, that makes Rick Reilly cry.
"It's disrespectful to the game, disrespectful to those he plays with and disrespectful to the great players who built the game before him. Ever remember Jack Nicklaus doing it? Arnold Palmer? When Tom Watson was getting guillotined in that playoff to Stewart Cink, did you see him so much as spit? Only one great player ever threw clubs as a pro -- Bobby Jones -- and he stopped in his 20s when he realized how spoiled he looked."
Does that sell the game?
Make no mistake, Tiger is selling the PGA and himself. People don't want calm, cool and collected or else Tim Duncan would be more marketable and attractive than LeBron James and Kobe Bryant combined.
On the course is the one place that Tiger can be Tiger in the public eye. He can't do it at the podium, he can't do it in the interview chair, he can't do it walking the street with his family. On the golf course, he can be in the public eye as well as be what he is, the greatest golfer to play the game. If part of that means that Tiger shows emotion and releases a stream of curse words that kids probably hear on KISS FM anyway, then so be it. Why is it so bad that the world sees Tiger be upset when something goes wrong? Is that not better than us apologizing, giving him the shot back and saying "do it until your happy because everyone wins?" You know, follow the pussy-fication of America's youth that happens today?
Should Tiger be Happy Gilmore and launch clubs and beat the shit out of someone? No. Should he be allowed to show extreme displeasure when something goes awry that is completely his fault? Very honestly, yes. Golf etiquette and showing emotion can co-exist while keeping golf a "gentleman's game".
By the by, Rick...is saying golf is a gentleman's game versus the brats in the NBA, baseball and football a subtle way of you saying "golf doesn't like black people"? (Relax! I kid. I kid.)
Monday, July 20, 2009
So, where have we been?
Let me remind everyone of something, we aren’t paid to do this blog. It’s a hobby. When we have free time, we post our thoughts or stupid shit like pictures we find or videos we find.
I apologize that we haven’t been able to post as frequently as we’d like. Jobs, life, and other stuff tend to get in the way.
We’ll post when we get time, and that’s that. If you want to see stuff up here every day that’s new, you’re more than welcome to subsidize my income. Until then, keep checking back for updates, and don’t hesitate to use our link list over there on the right. It’s where we steal most of our shit from anyway.
The Erin Andrews Story
If you haven’t read a single blog since Friday, you might have missed the whole story regarding how Erin Andrews was videotaped in her hotel room, nude, ironing her clothes and straightening her hair.
(Hello, Google searchers. Sorry you didn’t find the videos. Please, feel free to peruse the site anyway.)
Anyway, I actually did manage to see the videos before the whole thing blew up and ESPN lawyers fired the internet. I’ll say this much. You’re really desperate for material if a blonde, blurry picture of a nude woman who kind of looks like Erin Andrews for a split second does it for you. Head to Brazzers and you’ll be better off.
Anyway, I guess my view on this is, yes it’s a pretty disgusting thing that people would obviously premeditatedly plan to video tape this woman in her room, but who roams around a hotel room naked with a curling iron and a clothes iron? Seriously. I lived in hotel rooms for about 6 years, and at no point in time did I think to iron my clothes or style my hair in the nude. I’m not saying that I didn’t walk from the bathroom to the closet/suitcase nude, but, really, she was starkers with a hot curling iron next to her jubblies and a clothes iron next to her holy triangle. Ballsy is the word I want to use, yet it seems inappropriate.
Yes, this post had zero relevance…I just wanted to drive traffic by mentioning the story.
Did Brock Lesnar’s actions legitimize pro wrestling or tarnish MMA?
So, last weekend at UFC 100, Brock Lesnar defeated Frank Mir to become the “undisputed” heavyweight champion of the UFC. After the fight, he proceeded to flip off the crowd, demean Frank Mir, and give a “WWE-like” victory speech.
This seemed to cause an uproar because…well, I’m not too sure.
I’m not a huge MMA fan. I’m more of a boxing guy, but I watch MMA on the periphery with the guys, and I know who’s who. Here’s the thing…exactly what is so wrong about showing a little bit of personality?
Is Dana White that terrified of being lumped with Vince McMahon? Does he think that if his guys show some personality that they’ll be seen as on par with pro wrestlers instead of as fighters?
I’m pretty sure even the most hardcore of MMA fan isn’t the same kind of guy as the baseball purist here or Joe Buck complaining about Randy Moss’s touchdown celebrations. The whole god damn sport is based on raw brutality and primal instinct.
Guys talking trash, showing personality and creating rivalries is what drives interest. Period. If you ask me, the entire argument against Lesnar and his actions are wholly based in the fact that he was a former pro wrestler and MMA junkies are so terrified of being lumped with the WWE and its fan base.
Ok, I’m so going to see if my girl will drink a Sprite this way (SLIGHTLY NSFW)…
Actually, it’s really NSFW…so, turn the volume down and don’t let anyone look over your shoulder.
Hat tip: Warming Glow
Tony’s a free man!
Well, it hasn’t exactly been a secret. I hate Jessica Simpson. Hate her. I can find a big tittied, overweight blond anywhere in Dallas. Why should this bitch be famous?
Anyway, if you didn’t see the story (and I’m not sure why), Tony pulled a move that I personally find so awesome, it brought a tear to my eye. Allow me to show you how I believe it went…
Jessica: It’s my birthday coming up tomorrow.
Tony: Golf. Golf. Golf. Golf. Golf. Bobby Carpenter.
Jessica: I want to have a party.
Tony: Boat. Boat. Golf. Jason Witten. Guitar Hero.
Jessica: How about a Barbie and Ken party?
Tony: Go—…what?
Jessica: A Barbie and Ken Party! I can be Barbie!!!
Tony: That’s it. I’m out. Peace, bitch.
And…scene.
You might think that I’d be happy that Tony’s single. I am happy that he’s lost the weight. However, as much as I love Tony Romo, he’s a big ol’ douche.
My fear is that now he’s going to be more focused on partying and being a douche that he’s going to be that much less focused on football…and this is supposed to be his breakout season.
Jerry’s (probably more Steven) made all the moves this off-season to make this team Tony Romo’s. Gone went Owens. Garrett has simplified the playbook and made it run-heavier. Marty B has kept people entertained. (Captain Crunch!!!!) Now it’s Tony’s turn to show that the right moves were made.
Think about it. For all the crap Owens pulled, was he ever out of shape? Was he ever missing practices? Didn’t his teammates, for the most part, love him and follow him? Can you say the same thing about Tony Romo?
So…the Mavs sure have changed
Not that long ago, I was lamenting Donnie Nelson’s horrendous draft choice of the frog legged wunderkind, Roddy Beauxbois. In fact, I believe I claimed that he had to do something to show me that the Mavs were making an effort to change.
So, let’s review what he’s pulled off since…
-Re-signed Jason Kidd. Got him at a bit of a high price, but let’s be honest, it had to be done. There was no other option unless they went for a stop-gap solution in a Jarrett Jack or Jomario Moon.
-Traded for Shawn Marion. Now, if we were playing fantasy basketball, I think this a great idea. You’re getting a guy that a few years ago was averaging a double-double and was known for playing lock down defense. He even had a great nickname, “The Matrix”. I like the move though. Gives a slasher and allows an interesting rotation across the 2-3-4 among Howard, Marion, Terry, Dirk, Singleton, etc. The problem here was that it all depended on the Mavericks landing or securing a 5 that was more reliable/athletic than Erick Dampier.
-The Marcin Gortat experiment. So, let’s review what happened. Gortat wants to come to Dallas. He got the full MLE and guaranteed minutes. Dallas was SO SURE that he’d sign, they let Orlando sign Brandon Bass. (There’s a whole science behind why Bass was never going to play in Dallas, but for all intents and purposes, they didn’t re-sign him because they thought they pocketed Gortat.) Turns out Orlando fucked Dallas in both holes by matching Gortat.
So now what? The Mavs would have been a VERY VERY impressive squad with Gortat. Not because he was great, but he allowed the flexibility and athletic ability to run that rotation across the 2-3-4. Now, they’re bare on the 5. Dallas has to get an athletic center because we all know that Damp ain’t it. Watch the trade block after 30 games.
Rick Carlisle is a good coach and Cuban is willing to pay the luxury tax. I still think Donnie Nelson is a terrible GM, but let’s see what he does mid-stream.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Big Fixes Wrestling
We make no apology's here at TB&TB when it comes to wrestling. We have enjoyed the entertainment "sport" as long as we have been alive. If we don't get together on Mondays to watch RAW, we spend most of Monday night texting each other like little school girls.
Last night, the question was asked "who are the writer for WWE, and how can we become one?" The question was fuled by another show of predicable story lines and more and more of the "same ol' stuff." Thus began the debate on how, if you were in charge of the WWE, would you run it? So have no fear, Big is here, to "fix" the WWE.
Step one. Branding. The current WWE roster is "broken down" into 3 shows. Monday night Raw (the flag ship), Friday night Smackdown (the "b" show) and ECW on Tuesday night (the C show and proving ground). The first thing I would do is make these show completely independent of each other. No more stoylines that have people cross over between the three shows. The idea is to make the one company, WWE, feel like it had three different identities.
One step to do this is move all the Women wrestlers (or as WWE calls them, Divas) onto the Monday night show RAW. Now you may have to "trim the fat" of some of the Diva's on the roster, but condensing and focusing the talent into one brand would only create better Diva matches, which the WWE desperately need right now.
The next step in Branding is move all the tag teams to Friday night. For too long now the tag team division in wrestling in general has been forgotten and miss used. By replacing the women on Smackdown with tag matches and more importantly mic time, I believe the fans would get behind them in no time flat. A caveat to this is you can't have just also ran Tag Teams in the tag team division. You need star power. Think Hardys or Edge and Christian (note, they are doing a good job of this with having Edge and Jericho hold the straps right now).
While ECW is being used very well at the moment as a proving ground for up and coming wrestlers, even it could use a slight retooling. I suggest reforming the Cruiser weight Division Championship, and giving that to ECW. While Vince has always been a fan of the Super Heavyweight, and always will be, there is a sector of people who enjoy the small, high flying aspect of cruiser weight wrestling. Don't believe me? take a look at this video from WCW Starcade, 1999, where 4 cruisers stole the PPV with this crazy match which included Billy Kidman Vs. Rey Misterio, Jr. Vs. Juventud Guerrera Vs. Psicosis.
You can't tell me people won't be entertained by that.
So let's break down the branding.
RAW - Diva's (stays the Flag ship. Geared more toward family's, pg rating)
Smackdown - Tag Teams (a little more mature, place where people who preform on the mic and in the ring are valued more, geared more toward the older wrestling fan)
ECW - Cruiser's (Still a proving ground for up and coming Heavys, also has the infusion of cruisers to make show worth watching.)
Step 2 Fixing PPV's
Over the years, WWE has tried to create more buz around its PPV's by including things like the Elimination chamber during No Way Out, or the extreme rules matches at Extreme Rules. This is exactly what WWE needs to do, but take it up another notch.
As it stands right now there are 4 big PPV's every year, with 8 or 10 others every month. As it stands right now, only the Royal Rumble has an yearly pay out of a title shot. I'm going to change that. Stating with the Big One, Wrestlemanina.
WrestleMania is the biggest show of the year, and to add to it, every year the WWE Champion and World Heavyweight Champion will fight. The end of every wrestlemaina will have one superstar holding both title belts in celebration, and the time between Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania will be the only time during the season that wrestlers would be allowed to cross brand lines.
Of course this creates a wrinkle in the winner of the Royal Rumble has traditionally gotten a title shot at Mania, but this is an easy fix. I would move the PPV No Way Out, which is traditionally between the Rumble and Mania, to October, and the October PPV, Bragging Rights, to February. This way the winner of the Rumble gets not only a title shot at Bragging Rights, but if he wins, he gets to headline Wrestlemania with a match between the opposing brands champion.
Think of the push a wrestler can have in just 3 months. From winning the Rumble, to winning the Title at Bragging Rights, to becoming the unified champion and headlining Wrestlemania. I will explain swapping Bragging Right and No Way Out in just a bit.
Next up after Mania? Draft. On the second Monday following Mania, the Draft takes place. I would like the draft to be a little more calculated, and a little less random as it is shown now. Let the GM's of the shows actually draft, or maybe even have a small 3 vs 3 matches where the winner can chose what brand he goes to. (think of the champ who loses at wrestlemania, winning a chance to change brands and go after the guy who beat him).
Now as I said earlier, there will be no cross brand competition other than the time between the Rumble and Mania, and a small time before Survivor Series, so when Mania crowns a new unified champion, the superstar who wins would have to chose which belt he wants to defend on which show. The other belt then becomes the main story line for the next PPV, Backlash. Any number of things can be done for that PPV, a King of the Ring type tournament, a Scramble match for the vacant title, a tourny that takes place during TV culminating in a finials at the PPV, any number of things can take place.
After Backlash, there is a normal PPV in Judgment Day, which can be used to finish Mania feuds and start building toward the summer push.
Then Extreme Rules. I like this PPV a lot because of the fact it is a little different then most. The only change I would have with this one is use ECW more. This needs to be the one PPV of the year that they really get over. Have 2 or 3 ECW matches on this one, including a ECW title match, Crueser Weight Match, and ECW vs the world in a 5 on 5 extreme showdown, where each week on ECW, one member of the ECW team calls out someone who they think "soft" from the other brands, and forces them to be in this crazy extreme match.
The next two PPV's The Bash and Night of Chapionons, would remain unchanged.
Then the 3rd biggest PPV of the year, Summerslam. This has always been one of my favorite PPV's for little reason than it usually the only one during my childhood where I could convince my parents to let me order it while I had a bunch of buddies over to watch it. Looking back, I'm sure it was because there was no school during the summer and this was the last good thing that happend before school started, and my folks thought it would be fun to have one last summer hoo-rahh.
With the Summerslam PPV, I can fix 2 problems with one little solution.
I have always been a fan of the IC belt (and TV belt in WCW), because the IC champion was always one of my favorite guys to watch as a kid (Warrior, Rude, Honkey Tonk), and I feel the IC and US belts right now have very little meaning. Well, that would change here, because at Summerslam, it would be IC/US vs. WWE/World Champion. Belt for belt, every year.
This would help in 2 ways, it would give credence(especially leading up to Summerslam) to big name guys wanting to win the IC/US Belt, and it would create another situation, much like after Wrestlemaina, where after the Slam, the IC/US belt would be vacant, and the idea's of what do to with vacnt belt are endless, and it at the least gives you two good matches mid to high card matches for the next PPV, Breaking Point. If this is too much title changing, than make Summerslam a non title match for the IC/US champ.
Breaking Point would be for the most part a normal PPV, with the chance to have the vacant IC/US title belts up for grabs.
Next is Hell in a Cell, normal, no changes.
Now the swapped No Way Out. I moved this one here because it gives yet another opportunity for someone to become number one contender during the Elimination Chamber, and the pay off is having a title shot at the 4th biggest PPV of the year, Survivor Series.
Survivor Series would have the pay off from No Way Out as well as a traditional (sort of) 3 way 5 on 5 on 5 survivor series match between the 3 different brands.
The last PPV before we get back to the Rumble is Armageddon, and should be more or less a set up the the story lines that will start at the Rumble and end at Mania.
So lets recap
Royal Rumble - Winning getting title shot at Bragging Rights.
Bragging Rights - Title Shot for Royal Rumble Winner
Wrestlemania - WWE Champ vs. World Heavyweight Champ
Draft
Backlash - Crowning of new champion who's brand lost a Mania
Judgment Day - Normal, finish story lines of Mania.
Extreme Rules - ECW Payday, 3 or 5 ECW Stars/Future Stars vs 5 other brand stars who have been called out as not extreme enough for WWE.
The Bash - Normal
Night of Chapionons - Every Title on the line
Summerslam - IC/US vs. WWE/World Heavyweight Champ.
Breaking Point - Normal
Hell in a Cell - Normal
No Way Out - Elimination Chamber, either for Title, or for #1 Contender.
Survivor Series - Chamber Pay off, 5 on 5 on 5 Tri-Brand tradional SS match.
Armageddon - Normal
With all of these changes, I believe it would give the WWE three separate yet competitive brands, put more clout in both the IC and US belts, and give each brand a different identity. But I'm just a cave man.
Last night, the question was asked "who are the writer for WWE, and how can we become one?" The question was fuled by another show of predicable story lines and more and more of the "same ol' stuff." Thus began the debate on how, if you were in charge of the WWE, would you run it? So have no fear, Big is here, to "fix" the WWE.
Step one. Branding. The current WWE roster is "broken down" into 3 shows. Monday night Raw (the flag ship), Friday night Smackdown (the "b" show) and ECW on Tuesday night (the C show and proving ground). The first thing I would do is make these show completely independent of each other. No more stoylines that have people cross over between the three shows. The idea is to make the one company, WWE, feel like it had three different identities.
One step to do this is move all the Women wrestlers (or as WWE calls them, Divas) onto the Monday night show RAW. Now you may have to "trim the fat" of some of the Diva's on the roster, but condensing and focusing the talent into one brand would only create better Diva matches, which the WWE desperately need right now.
The next step in Branding is move all the tag teams to Friday night. For too long now the tag team division in wrestling in general has been forgotten and miss used. By replacing the women on Smackdown with tag matches and more importantly mic time, I believe the fans would get behind them in no time flat. A caveat to this is you can't have just also ran Tag Teams in the tag team division. You need star power. Think Hardys or Edge and Christian (note, they are doing a good job of this with having Edge and Jericho hold the straps right now).
While ECW is being used very well at the moment as a proving ground for up and coming wrestlers, even it could use a slight retooling. I suggest reforming the Cruiser weight Division Championship, and giving that to ECW. While Vince has always been a fan of the Super Heavyweight, and always will be, there is a sector of people who enjoy the small, high flying aspect of cruiser weight wrestling. Don't believe me? take a look at this video from WCW Starcade, 1999, where 4 cruisers stole the PPV with this crazy match which included Billy Kidman Vs. Rey Misterio, Jr. Vs. Juventud Guerrera Vs. Psicosis.
You can't tell me people won't be entertained by that.
So let's break down the branding.
RAW - Diva's (stays the Flag ship. Geared more toward family's, pg rating)
Smackdown - Tag Teams (a little more mature, place where people who preform on the mic and in the ring are valued more, geared more toward the older wrestling fan)
ECW - Cruiser's (Still a proving ground for up and coming Heavys, also has the infusion of cruisers to make show worth watching.)
Step 2 Fixing PPV's
Over the years, WWE has tried to create more buz around its PPV's by including things like the Elimination chamber during No Way Out, or the extreme rules matches at Extreme Rules. This is exactly what WWE needs to do, but take it up another notch.
As it stands right now there are 4 big PPV's every year, with 8 or 10 others every month. As it stands right now, only the Royal Rumble has an yearly pay out of a title shot. I'm going to change that. Stating with the Big One, Wrestlemanina.
WrestleMania is the biggest show of the year, and to add to it, every year the WWE Champion and World Heavyweight Champion will fight. The end of every wrestlemaina will have one superstar holding both title belts in celebration, and the time between Royal Rumble and Wrestlemania will be the only time during the season that wrestlers would be allowed to cross brand lines.
Of course this creates a wrinkle in the winner of the Royal Rumble has traditionally gotten a title shot at Mania, but this is an easy fix. I would move the PPV No Way Out, which is traditionally between the Rumble and Mania, to October, and the October PPV, Bragging Rights, to February. This way the winner of the Rumble gets not only a title shot at Bragging Rights, but if he wins, he gets to headline Wrestlemania with a match between the opposing brands champion.
Think of the push a wrestler can have in just 3 months. From winning the Rumble, to winning the Title at Bragging Rights, to becoming the unified champion and headlining Wrestlemania. I will explain swapping Bragging Right and No Way Out in just a bit.
Next up after Mania? Draft. On the second Monday following Mania, the Draft takes place. I would like the draft to be a little more calculated, and a little less random as it is shown now. Let the GM's of the shows actually draft, or maybe even have a small 3 vs 3 matches where the winner can chose what brand he goes to. (think of the champ who loses at wrestlemania, winning a chance to change brands and go after the guy who beat him).
Now as I said earlier, there will be no cross brand competition other than the time between the Rumble and Mania, and a small time before Survivor Series, so when Mania crowns a new unified champion, the superstar who wins would have to chose which belt he wants to defend on which show. The other belt then becomes the main story line for the next PPV, Backlash. Any number of things can be done for that PPV, a King of the Ring type tournament, a Scramble match for the vacant title, a tourny that takes place during TV culminating in a finials at the PPV, any number of things can take place.
After Backlash, there is a normal PPV in Judgment Day, which can be used to finish Mania feuds and start building toward the summer push.
Then Extreme Rules. I like this PPV a lot because of the fact it is a little different then most. The only change I would have with this one is use ECW more. This needs to be the one PPV of the year that they really get over. Have 2 or 3 ECW matches on this one, including a ECW title match, Crueser Weight Match, and ECW vs the world in a 5 on 5 extreme showdown, where each week on ECW, one member of the ECW team calls out someone who they think "soft" from the other brands, and forces them to be in this crazy extreme match.
The next two PPV's The Bash and Night of Chapionons, would remain unchanged.
Then the 3rd biggest PPV of the year, Summerslam. This has always been one of my favorite PPV's for little reason than it usually the only one during my childhood where I could convince my parents to let me order it while I had a bunch of buddies over to watch it. Looking back, I'm sure it was because there was no school during the summer and this was the last good thing that happend before school started, and my folks thought it would be fun to have one last summer hoo-rahh.
With the Summerslam PPV, I can fix 2 problems with one little solution.
I have always been a fan of the IC belt (and TV belt in WCW), because the IC champion was always one of my favorite guys to watch as a kid (Warrior, Rude, Honkey Tonk), and I feel the IC and US belts right now have very little meaning. Well, that would change here, because at Summerslam, it would be IC/US vs. WWE/World Champion. Belt for belt, every year.
This would help in 2 ways, it would give credence(especially leading up to Summerslam) to big name guys wanting to win the IC/US Belt, and it would create another situation, much like after Wrestlemaina, where after the Slam, the IC/US belt would be vacant, and the idea's of what do to with vacnt belt are endless, and it at the least gives you two good matches mid to high card matches for the next PPV, Breaking Point. If this is too much title changing, than make Summerslam a non title match for the IC/US champ.
Breaking Point would be for the most part a normal PPV, with the chance to have the vacant IC/US title belts up for grabs.
Next is Hell in a Cell, normal, no changes.
Now the swapped No Way Out. I moved this one here because it gives yet another opportunity for someone to become number one contender during the Elimination Chamber, and the pay off is having a title shot at the 4th biggest PPV of the year, Survivor Series.
Survivor Series would have the pay off from No Way Out as well as a traditional (sort of) 3 way 5 on 5 on 5 survivor series match between the 3 different brands.
The last PPV before we get back to the Rumble is Armageddon, and should be more or less a set up the the story lines that will start at the Rumble and end at Mania.
So lets recap
Royal Rumble - Winning getting title shot at Bragging Rights.
Bragging Rights - Title Shot for Royal Rumble Winner
Wrestlemania - WWE Champ vs. World Heavyweight Champ
Draft
Backlash - Crowning of new champion who's brand lost a Mania
Judgment Day - Normal, finish story lines of Mania.
Extreme Rules - ECW Payday, 3 or 5 ECW Stars/Future Stars vs 5 other brand stars who have been called out as not extreme enough for WWE.
The Bash - Normal
Night of Chapionons - Every Title on the line
Summerslam - IC/US vs. WWE/World Heavyweight Champ.
Breaking Point - Normal
Hell in a Cell - Normal
No Way Out - Elimination Chamber, either for Title, or for #1 Contender.
Survivor Series - Chamber Pay off, 5 on 5 on 5 Tri-Brand tradional SS match.
Armageddon - Normal
With all of these changes, I believe it would give the WWE three separate yet competitive brands, put more clout in both the IC and US belts, and give each brand a different identity. But I'm just a cave man.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
I think this story surprises no one…
“NASCAR confirmed Wednesday that suspended driver Jeremy Mayfield tested positive for methamphetamines.
The confirmation came outside federal court after Mayfield's attorney mentioned the illegal substance several times during a 45-minute argument against the driver's indefinite suspension. Court recessed after Bill Diehl's argument and is set to reconvene Wednesday afternoon.
"We will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jeremy Mayfield did violate the NASCAR substance-abuse policy and tested positive for methamphetamines," spokesman Ramsey Poston said.
Diehl argued in court that Mayfield has never shown any characteristics of a meth abuser, and if he used the drug at the levels NASCAR has suggested, Mayfield would be "either a walking zombie or he's dead."”
That’s right. NASCAR driver on meth.
Of all the sports and drugs mixes, this might make the most sense.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Big's Mav's Wishlist
Tomorrow is the beginning of the NBA free agent period, and after the abortion that was the mav's draft (prince abu-abu?), the only hope for retooling the Mav's roster now lies in the hands of Donnie Nelson and Mark Cuban to open up the pay check and find some guys that will help get this team back to the elite level.
Nobody knows, and I haven't even heard many rumors about the Mav's off season plan. They may be playing it close to the vest, as they hope not spoil their big plans, or they may still think Dirk + Guys = Championship, but lord I hope not.
The Free Agent crop this year is good, but not great, and the Mav's have a (mostly) full mid level, and with Kidd's money coming off the books, a sign and trade could most deff happen. I don't expect them to get a top tier guy, but there are lot of helpful players out there. Here is what I would do.
Top Priority:
Secure the Point Guard. Either resign Jason Kidd, or get ready to roll with JJ and Terry running the point with a few min to the kidd from France they just drafted. If Kidd leaves, which he might, there are a few guys out there that could be had as stop gaps and play a decent roll, but none are on Kidds level. Guys like Jarrett Jack or the ageing Andre Miller. Either one of those guys, plus JJ would get you by, but it doesn't make you better even in the slightest.
Top Priority #2:
Find a Slasher who can score.
This has been the bane of the Mavericks as long as I have been watching them. They haven't had anybody (outside of one or two good years from Stack) that has no problem going to the rim, taking a foul, and the dreaded "create their own shot" ability. There aren't many guys in the league that can do this, so to say the pickings are slim would be an understatement, but there is most def room to improve here.
Lamar Odom or Trevor Ariza from LA could help, as they probably won't keep them both. Odom has the ability to be a top 15 guy, but lacks the discipline, and while Ariza's ceiling is lower, he works harder and plays good defence.
Ron Artest is another guy who can bring inconsistent play, but would add an air of toughness to this team that it lacks. The thought of him being apart of this class was almost unthinkable, but with the recent news of Yao Ming's foot possibly keeping the big man on the bench for another year, Artest may not want to stay in Houston if they have no chance at winning a title.
After these three, there is a slew of good role players, that would be about the same level as a healthy focused Josh Howard, but probably cost too much. Guys like Hedo Turkoglu(ball handling and jump shot,) Shawn Marion (defense and shooting), Hakim Warrick (rebounding and defence), and Marvin Williams (athleticism and rebounding). While all those guys are nice, they arn't worth the money they would command, except for maybe Williams, he might could be had on the cheep.
Pressing Needs #1
Back Court back up's.
Dirk is Dirk, and will be for the next several years, and we all know what we are going to get out of Damp, and with that in mind, the mav's need to have people behind these two guys to spell them some minutes and when Damp fouls way to much. Project one would be resigning Brandon Bass, but he might think he could start somewhere. If he leaves, guys like Charlie Villanueva, Antonio McDyess, and everybodys favorite Chris Andersen. I would take any of these four guys, as long as the price is right, and they don't' get locked into a bad contract.
Now that you know what I'm thinking, let me tell you what I would do.
PG - Resign Jason Kidd. 2 or 3 year deal, keep the Kidd - Dirk tandem as your core to make another push over the next 3 years.
SG - Marquis Daniels. Off him part of the mid level, share his min with the streaky Terry.
SF - Ron Artest. Trade Josh Howard away to Houston in a sign and trade, where they would use Howard to pair with T-Mac and get rid of the disgruntled star.
PF - Dirk
C - Damp
Bench - Just for the sake of it being easy, i would slightly overpay Bass to stay a mav.
Thought Number Two. If the Mav's can't resign Kidd, I go after Jarrod Jack or Andre Miller with my mid level, then go after Lamar Odom as had as I can. If that worked out, then the starting line up would be Jack, Howard, Odom, Dirk, Damp. that would at least be a step forward.
But we all know this wont happen. With Donnie running the ship, I'm pretty sure Memo Okur will end up on this team. Watch .
Nobody knows, and I haven't even heard many rumors about the Mav's off season plan. They may be playing it close to the vest, as they hope not spoil their big plans, or they may still think Dirk + Guys = Championship, but lord I hope not.
The Free Agent crop this year is good, but not great, and the Mav's have a (mostly) full mid level, and with Kidd's money coming off the books, a sign and trade could most deff happen. I don't expect them to get a top tier guy, but there are lot of helpful players out there. Here is what I would do.
Top Priority:
Secure the Point Guard. Either resign Jason Kidd, or get ready to roll with JJ and Terry running the point with a few min to the kidd from France they just drafted. If Kidd leaves, which he might, there are a few guys out there that could be had as stop gaps and play a decent roll, but none are on Kidds level. Guys like Jarrett Jack or the ageing Andre Miller. Either one of those guys, plus JJ would get you by, but it doesn't make you better even in the slightest.
Top Priority #2:
Find a Slasher who can score.
This has been the bane of the Mavericks as long as I have been watching them. They haven't had anybody (outside of one or two good years from Stack) that has no problem going to the rim, taking a foul, and the dreaded "create their own shot" ability. There aren't many guys in the league that can do this, so to say the pickings are slim would be an understatement, but there is most def room to improve here.
Lamar Odom or Trevor Ariza from LA could help, as they probably won't keep them both. Odom has the ability to be a top 15 guy, but lacks the discipline, and while Ariza's ceiling is lower, he works harder and plays good defence.
Ron Artest is another guy who can bring inconsistent play, but would add an air of toughness to this team that it lacks. The thought of him being apart of this class was almost unthinkable, but with the recent news of Yao Ming's foot possibly keeping the big man on the bench for another year, Artest may not want to stay in Houston if they have no chance at winning a title.
After these three, there is a slew of good role players, that would be about the same level as a healthy focused Josh Howard, but probably cost too much. Guys like Hedo Turkoglu(ball handling and jump shot,) Shawn Marion (defense and shooting), Hakim Warrick (rebounding and defence), and Marvin Williams (athleticism and rebounding). While all those guys are nice, they arn't worth the money they would command, except for maybe Williams, he might could be had on the cheep.
Pressing Needs #1
Back Court back up's.
Dirk is Dirk, and will be for the next several years, and we all know what we are going to get out of Damp, and with that in mind, the mav's need to have people behind these two guys to spell them some minutes and when Damp fouls way to much. Project one would be resigning Brandon Bass, but he might think he could start somewhere. If he leaves, guys like Charlie Villanueva, Antonio McDyess, and everybodys favorite Chris Andersen. I would take any of these four guys, as long as the price is right, and they don't' get locked into a bad contract.
Now that you know what I'm thinking, let me tell you what I would do.
PG - Resign Jason Kidd. 2 or 3 year deal, keep the Kidd - Dirk tandem as your core to make another push over the next 3 years.
SG - Marquis Daniels. Off him part of the mid level, share his min with the streaky Terry.
SF - Ron Artest. Trade Josh Howard away to Houston in a sign and trade, where they would use Howard to pair with T-Mac and get rid of the disgruntled star.
PF - Dirk
C - Damp
Bench - Just for the sake of it being easy, i would slightly overpay Bass to stay a mav.
Thought Number Two. If the Mav's can't resign Kidd, I go after Jarrod Jack or Andre Miller with my mid level, then go after Lamar Odom as had as I can. If that worked out, then the starting line up would be Jack, Howard, Odom, Dirk, Damp. that would at least be a step forward.
But we all know this wont happen. With Donnie running the ship, I'm pretty sure Memo Okur will end up on this team. Watch .
Monday, June 29, 2009
TB & TB Movie Review: Transformers 2 Revenge of the F---EXPLOSIONS!!!!!
Me, Big and Bear decided to take in a movie the other day, and we decided to go and rekindle some old school hobbies and watch “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen”.
In one word, here’s my review : GodFuckingAwful
I know I’m getting old now because normally this kind of movie is right up my alley. I played with Transformers as a kid. I enjoyed the first movie, probably more for the novelty of it. However, this movie was just about the worst sack of shit I’ve ever seen.
Let’s re-cap.
Robots fighting. Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who. EXPLOSION!!!
Shia LaBeouf. 13 year old humor. Sex jokes geared toward high schoolers. Downloads the intersect into his brain from the cube. (No, I didn’t just describe “Chuck”, the same thing happens here.)
Megan Fox. Finally, we have something positive. Let me expound on this a little more. I love Megan Fox. If I’m brokering a “free pass clause” from the lady, this is my choice. Seriously, I’d eat pudding out of Megan Fox’s ass if she asked me. If we’re at a point where Megan Fox was asking me to do that, I’ve accomplished everything I plan on accomplishing in life, so I’ve probably died…that or I’m fantasizing while seductively licking a Snack Pack out because I can’t find any spoons. Anyway…back to the review
EXPLOSIONS!!!!
Shia LaBeouf’s mom gets high and acts funny.
Cameo by Raine Wilson.
EXPLOSIONS!!!
Really uncomfortably racist robots.
EXPLOSIONS!!!
Robots fighting. Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who. EXPLOSION!!!
Robots fighting. Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who. EXPLOSION!!!
MORE EXPLOSIONS!
John Turturro in his underwear.
Robots fighting. Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who. EXPLOSION!!!
Borrow the set of “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”
Robot with balls.
EXPLOSIONS!!!
Shia LaBeouf goes to Robot Heaven to talk to Optimus Prime’s ancestors. (I swear to God I am not making that up. Did the Futurama writers get a hold of this script?)
EXPLOSIONS!!!
Linkin Park song.
Fin.
I fear Idiocracy has set in because this was pretty much a chance for Michael Bay to blow as much shit up as he could and make 13 year olds laugh their asses off.
The Passing of Michael Jackson
If you know me, then you know that I am one of the biggest Michael Jackson fans there can be. I spend most of my day jamming to Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson while working, and I’ve been known to entertain wedding receptions with my renditions of “Don’t Stop Till you Get Enough”.
So, when I heard the news last Thursday that MJ had passed away, I can honestly say that it didn’t register. Given that Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett had just died, I thought it was a creepy coincidence, but beyond that, I didn’t think twice about it.
Then the weekend hit, and I found myself watching 2 and 3 hour blocks of videos on VH-1. (By the way, fuck you MTV. I understand you don’t play videos anymore, but Michael Jackson made your god damned network what it is. Why not take a break from your Made marathon and other bull shit like that and pay some fucking tribute. Kurt Loder doesn’t have a job anymore, throw him a bone already.)
I’ll go ahead and say it. I miss Michael Jackson. Sure, he hasn’t done anything of relevance in the past 15 years, but he was planning on putting together the world tour, and I was planning on going. When I heard that there was going to be a giant reunion tour with MJ and the Jackson 5 at JerryWorld, I was pretty much ready to fork over any amount of cash to go. You can take your George Strait and U2, give me J5.
“But what about the fact that he diddled 12 year old anus?” (Hello, pervert pedophile Google searchers, you’re going to jail soon!) Um, pretty sure that didn’t effect his ability to make music. Look, I understand he had turned into this creepy, ghoulish character who liked little boys too much. I don’t care. I’m not saying that I wanted to be like the man, I just said that I was a big fan of his music.
You can mock me all you want to, but I miss MJ, and I’m really sad that he’s dead.
The NBA Draft
Yes, it’s true, I haven’t posted to this little corner of the www in a while. It isn’t because of lack of desire, it’s been more a lack of time and a lack of formulating words into sentences.
I’m really not sure where I’m supposed to start…so…
Let’s start with the thing that has infuriated me to the point of random outbursts and almost getting thrown out of a restaurant that I was at with Big and some other friends…the NBA Draft
We knew walking into this draft that after pick number one, things just kind of fell down off the board. Sure, there were possible studs like Rubio, Curry and long shots like Ellington and Evans, but all in all, it’s a lesser of a few evils.
(By the way, when Jrue Holliday was selected did anyone kind of want to hear a JRUUUUUE! followed by the Souljaboy Tellem steel drums? Just me? Okay, then.)
Anyway, let me share my reaction when I see that your Dallas Mavericks selected B.J. Mullen from Ohio State. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?! THAT’S THE WORST GOD DAMN THING I’VE EVER SEEN!!!” Proceeded by me slamming tables, chairs and trying to jab my fork into Big’s neck.
When my anger had somewhat subsided, we proceeded to go to a bar and hang out. It was there that I found out that they had traded within their division for the French Leandro Barbosa, Antoine Rigadeau Olive St. Pierre/Tariq Abdul-Wahad Rodrique Beaubois.
Well, I don’t know what happened after that. I saw nothing but red, and next thing I know, I found myself sitting in my garage with a corded rope and a busted light fixture fallen from the ceiling.
I don’t want to hear the argument “but they turned a single pick into 3 assets and draft picks next year”. That’s bull shit. Donnie Nelson and the Dallas Mavericks did one thing in this year’s draft, and that was bend the fans over a table and fuck them in the ass with a French tickler.
You could hear the absolute disdain in Rick Carlisle’s voice during the press conference the day after. Even the media was in disbelief and couldn’t think of any questions besides “so, Roddy, do you know Tony Parker?”
I’ll ask the question no one had the balls to ask. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND, DONNIE NELSON?!?!!?!?
You’ve hit on ONE. JUST ONE European player. Landing Dirk does not give you the freedom to pick people from shitty leagues overseas and claim you can coach them up.
This team is sliding further back in the West, and sooner or later they’ll be the next to last team in their division. Sam Presti is building OKC into quite the powerhouse. The Spurs know what they’re doing. Houston is making smart trade. New Orleans can’t manage money, but they can manage their team. The Mavs might have finally done it. They’ve done nothing but spit in my face as a fan for years, and I’m considering breaking up for good.
Fuck you, Donnie Nelson. If you love Europe so god damned much, go coach in Greece and let’s get someone in here who doesn’t depend on Fran Fraschilla to tell them who to draft!
Friday, June 26, 2009
Your New (foreign) Mav
he's french. He's a guard who's quick but likes to shoot three's. He was taken 25 by OKC, then traded to us for the 24th pick BJ Mullens. He was slated to go mid to late 2nd round, possibly not even drafted. We took him at the end of one. Kill me with death.
Highlight Video.
(thriller was a nice touch, but not on purpose.)
ladies and gentlemen......
Rodrigue Beaubois
Highlight Video.
(thriller was a nice touch, but not on purpose.)
ladies and gentlemen......
Rodrigue Beaubois
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Another reason i'm scared of getting old
Every time I drink, I feel it. Every time I work out, I feel it. Hell Every time I look at a teenager and think "holy crapy they are young," I feel it.
And now, another reason to be scared of getting old.
now how will i get chicks?
And now, another reason to be scared of getting old.
now how will i get chicks?
NBA Draft, where dallas will takes somebody who won't ever play
I know, first post in a long time. Basketball is over, I'm not that big a baseball guy, suck it.
However, the NBA draft is this Thursday. Every year, I get so damn excited as to who the Mav's will take, how they can help us win a title next year, so on and so forth. And ever year I get bent over sideways and fucked in the ass. Its what they do.
Even back in the day, the greatest day of drafting the mavericks ever had, I felt like the mav's fucked it all up. Let me explain.
SI.com has a list of "Best Players Drafted at their picks" bit that is a staple when draft time comes along. Well, I'll let you read what they said.
"9. Dirk Nowitzki, Bucks, 1998: In a prearranged draft-night trade that turned into one of the most lopsided deals in history, the Mavericks sent No. 6 pick Robert Traylor to the Bucks for Nowitzki and No. 19 pick Pat Garrity, whom Dallas dealt to Phoenix for Steve Nash. Nowitzki's three-point shooting as a 7-footer transformed the NBA's view of the power forward position. He led the Mavericks to the 2006 NBA Finals and was named league MVP a year later."
Sounds great right? And looking back on it, It really was great. Franchise changing if you will.
Did I think so at the time? Hell, no. my young high school self was watching the draft, and got really really excited when my team, took one of my favorite college players at number 6, Robert "Tractor" Traylor. Then they go and trade for this foren guy that i have never heard of.
Needless to say, I'm glad they did. But at the time, just another kick in the pants form the Mav's drafting team. I guess that's why I'm not an NBA GM. (though I really think I should be).
However, the NBA draft is this Thursday. Every year, I get so damn excited as to who the Mav's will take, how they can help us win a title next year, so on and so forth. And ever year I get bent over sideways and fucked in the ass. Its what they do.
Even back in the day, the greatest day of drafting the mavericks ever had, I felt like the mav's fucked it all up. Let me explain.
SI.com has a list of "Best Players Drafted at their picks" bit that is a staple when draft time comes along. Well, I'll let you read what they said.
"9. Dirk Nowitzki, Bucks, 1998: In a prearranged draft-night trade that turned into one of the most lopsided deals in history, the Mavericks sent No. 6 pick Robert Traylor to the Bucks for Nowitzki and No. 19 pick Pat Garrity, whom Dallas dealt to Phoenix for Steve Nash. Nowitzki's three-point shooting as a 7-footer transformed the NBA's view of the power forward position. He led the Mavericks to the 2006 NBA Finals and was named league MVP a year later."
Sounds great right? And looking back on it, It really was great. Franchise changing if you will.
Did I think so at the time? Hell, no. my young high school self was watching the draft, and got really really excited when my team, took one of my favorite college players at number 6, Robert "Tractor" Traylor. Then they go and trade for this foren guy that i have never heard of.
Needless to say, I'm glad they did. But at the time, just another kick in the pants form the Mav's drafting team. I guess that's why I'm not an NBA GM. (though I really think I should be).
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