Thoughts from Gate B34 at DFW

Right now, I am sitting next to the craziest old coot ever. She is reading a manual for a BlackBerry and ever so often, she blurts out a comment to no one in particular. Things like "she never calls me" or "that's a small plane" or "I'm gonna shower when I get home". I'm the only person sitting here and...I hate people.

-Kimbo Slice...yawn.

-Josh Hamilton a.k.a Max Damage (greatest. nickname. ever) is Mike Young and Mark Teixeira in one person. A likeable guy that can be the face of the organization who just happens to be the tooled player for Arlington.

-Tank Johnson is asking Roger Goodell to reinstate Pacman. Yup, I've got nothing.

-Lakers and Celtics. Admit it, its the matchup you were hoping for. Kobe and KG. Who's the x-factor? Paul Pierce for Boston and Derek Fisher (no, not the lisping Spaniard) for LA.

-Big Brown races to history this weekend. Don't think we won't be watching.

-Enjoy the week.

And now I have to get a DS

People know I love my video games. The all time great, is about to have a new version on the Nintendo DS. (its a game boy with a touch screen).

Enjoy



That's right, a new, read again, NEW tecmo bowl.

September, plus the DS has the best Zelda game since the one for the SNES(oracle of time?).

H.T.Deadspin

Interesting...but how?

From Marc Stein at ESPN.com

The NBA announced to its teams this week at its annual pre-draft camp that fines will be imposed on players starting next season for clear cases of "flopping,"

Okay, so, umm, these guys can still ruin an entire game by flopping and they're just going to see a small dent in their giant salary? Even then, the Association isn't sure how they are going to judge what is and what isn't a flop.

Let me give you a helping hand, here.

Judge for what is and what isn't a flop: Vlade Divac
Jury for what the penalty should be: Charles Oakley
Executioner: Rasheed Wallace (based on his commentary from last night)

Feel free to put together your panel in the comments below.

UFC and one reason its demise might be near

One thing about the UFC, the MMA thorough bread, that has always caught my eye, is how hard the fighters really seam to fight. You hardly ever get a Guy in the octagon that just seems to be there for the pay check.

The reason for this is simple, 99% aren't there for the paycheck. They ARE there because they love it. He is a rundown from last weekends UFC pay per view and how much money each fighter got.


UFC 84 Payouts
B.J. Penn ($250,000 to fight and win)
Sean Sherk ($35,000 to fight)
Wanderlei Silva ($150,000 to fight, no bonus)
Keith Jardine ($10,000 to fight)
Goran Reljic ($6,000 to fight and win)
Wilson Gouveia ($18,000 to fight)
Lyoto Machida ($100,000 to fight and win)
Tito Ortiz ($210,000 to fight)
Thiago Silva ($50,000 to fight and win)
Antonio Mendes ($4,000 to fight)
Rousimar Palhares ($10,000 to fight and win)
Ivan Salaverry ($20,000 to fight)
Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou ($80,000 to fight and win)
Kazuhiro Nakamura ($20,00O to fight)
Rich Clementi ($40,000 to fight and win)
Terry Etim ($10,000 to fight)
Yoshiyuki Yoshida ($12,000 to fight and win)
Jon Koppenhaver ($8,000 to fight)
Dong Hyun Kim ($40,000 to fight and win)
Jason Tan ($3000 to fight)
Shane Carwin ($12,000 to fight and win)
Christian Wellisch ($10,000 to fight)
Total Payout: $1,098,000 - 3.8 Million in just ticket sales
These numbers do not include sponsorships or fight bonuses. Fighter also incur the cost of taxes, medical, licenses, gym dues, and more.
Fighter Bonuses of $75,000 go to:
Fight of the Night: Goran Reljic and Wilson Gouveia
Knockout of the Night: Wanderlei Silva.
Submission of the Night: Rousimar Palhares

So they awarded the fighters somewhere in the 1.2 mill range and they made, on just ticket sales, 3.8. That's kinda fucked up.

With the fact that Dana White is an ass hole, and Elite EX going to CBS this summer, and other company's giving guaranteed money, UFC might be in some trouble.

I love the fact that you still get paid more to put on a good fight and win, and I don't want to see MMA going the way of boxing where the money is made before the fight and has little to do with who really wins the fight, but it seams the UFC could pay their guys a little more.

I don't know this Burger King

But I like his UK Comercials



H.T. On the 205th

Just ooozzzing Spurs....

The Lakers are better than the spurs. While I still think the Hornets are better than the Spurs, the Spurs used their mojo to get in the heads of the Hornets and crush them like an old boxer beats a younger, more talented boxer with his head, or Migs with Jodey Foster, that shit might work on a rookie, but not that southern piece of ass. The Spurs can't do this to the Lakers. This is from a San An paper about the last shot last night.

"If Brent Barry had sold it, he would have forced Crawford to make the call. If
Barry had done a Ginobili, flailing his arms, coming up through Fisher, then
Barry would have shot three free throws. A career 82 percent shooter, he likely
would have made them. Having already scored a season-high 23 points, he would
have become Sean Elliott in 1999, Steve Kerr in 2003 and Horry in 2005. The
unexpected hero of a postseason. But Barry says he didn't see Fisher, and he
released his desperation shot only after Fisher had fallen to the side. No one
blamed Barry. As Popovich said, 'We wouldn't have had a chance to win if it
wasn't for Brent tonight.' Popovich and Barry didn't blame Crawford, either.
Both said it was the proper no-call."

So the saving grace for the Spurs was going to be Brent Barry? Really? Unless Manu and Parker play out of there freaking minds tomorrow night, the Lake show will take this one home in 5.

(I'm just happy I don't have to see a Spurs - Detroit finials. That would bring the gun barrel to my head.)

Just so we're all clear on this

THERE WAS NO FOUL ON THE LAST PLAY.

Barry raised up into Fisher to attempt to shoot through him. It wasn't a flop. It was a chuck from 30 feet and he was getting crowded.

There is no Joey Crawford conspiracy. The Spurs had too many chances to take the lead in this game. Don't blame the refs because Manu couldn't shoot his way out of a paper bag. And before you say it, yeah I was the first one to complain about Dwyane Wade in 2006. That was justified, ask anyone outside of Miami.

Now that I've said it, come with it Bizzle and Uni. Defend your team the only way you can and know how:
-The refs were cheating, and David Stern wants a Lakers-Celts final.
-Look at all the rings we won in the past, that makes us a good team today.
-Asian women's vaginae are horizontal, that makes the Spurs relevant.
-We don't flop, it's natural for South Americans and Europeans to fly 20 feet when they get grazed on the elbow.
-You're just jealous, you're a Mavs fan. (That's probably true, but you can still kiss my ass.)

Final note...there's something very odd about seeing a hobo on the 281 on ramp asking for money yet he's sporting a fresh new Tony Parker jersey. If San Antonio has the money to dress their hobos for game day...wow.

God came down and said, "let them blog"

I leave you nothing more than this bit of genius.

Thoughts from Gate 2 at Love Field

Its a pretty fair assumption about me to say that I'm easily irritated and have been known to snap and launch items on a trans-room flight destined for destruction against a far wall.

That being said, I grow weary of Love Field and miss the friendly confines of DFW. See, Love Field is packed with Chris-Chris like people. That's not to say DFW doesn't, but that's its own city, I can get away and not be reminded that I'm one step away from being "that guy".

People don't talk to me at DFW, and at 6 am while nursing a 3 day hangover, I don't want to talk to anyone. God forbid the ass hat next to me should realize I'm not interested in his sales pitch. Dick milk drinking sack of shit had better recognize.

I should mention the real reason for this post: I'm flying to San Antonio and the guy sitting next to me won't stop arguing that Tony Parker is and will always be the greatest French basketball product.

Excuse me? Tariq Abdul Wahad and Antoine Rigadeaux might have something to say about that.

Anyone? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on?

Things to remeber as you go through life

Might get you through the last little bit of this thursday.

I don't get spurs fans

Watching the NBA playoffs since the Mav's got knocked out has been one of the more enjoyable things over the past few weeks. It's been a nice change of pace to just be a basketball fan as apposed to a fan of a certain team. The past few years I have been living and dying with the Mav's in their playoff runs. The weeks were long as you had to go to a watching party or a bar 2 or three times a week for the mav's game. If they were winning, you felt good and drank too much because of it, If they lost, you felt like shit and drowned your sowers in the bottom of a bottle. Either way, work the next day, or as my body has gotten older, it take me 2 days to recover from a nice night of drinking, sucked.

Now, I have been able to pick a choose what games I watch, and I feel no need to booze it up to calm my nerves. With that in mind I have a buddy who is a big San Antonio Spurs fan, so if I feel like going out and watching a basketball game, he is always down for it if the Spurs are playing.

When the Mav's got dismantled by NOK, he told me that he could grandfather me in to being a Spurs fan for the rest of the playoffs, he wouldn't care, and just for three months, or so have a team to root for. I shot him down right away, not because I hate the spurs, but because I have no interest getting rapped up in one team other than the few I root for. Too much energy.

Then I started watching more and more Spurs games and sans one or two good games vs the Hornets, I can't even see how ANYBODY can be a fan of that stupid team. I know rings make many a thing tolerable, but this team is just a pain to watch.

Let me explain.

Style of play
-This is something that just keeps getting worse as the years go by. Quite possible the best big man in the last 20 years was "fun" to watch when in his prime, that is if you like 15 foot bank shots and watching a fantastic drop step, but he is past his prime. He is still a fantastic player, but he can't dominate games like he used to. Tony Parker can be explosive and exciting, but of the past 4 or 5 games he hasn't really taken that step to just abuse people like he did a few years ago. Manu, while a fantastic player, just always seems out of control, and then you have the bench of former all stars. Mike Finley, Damon Stoudimire, Brent Barry, Kurt Thomas, Joch Vaughn(ok they aren't all all stars, but you get the point). None of these players gets you all antys in your panty when they are standing at the scorers table.

And then there is that whole "We play great defense and are efficient offense" argument. Last night they scored something like 55 points in the first half, and then 32 in the second. I hate games in the 80's.

Complaining
-A few years ago the worst part about being a mav's fan was the fact that you knew your team complained WAY to much about fouls. The only thing more aggravating about your team complaining for fouls, is the other team doing it. When every time someone gets a play in the paint, the result is someone looking around with the WTF face and arms up. Its so effing annoying

Media Love
- Now this one is earned, I know, but when ANYBODY talks about a series that the spurs are in you get the phrase "Well, I'm not going to bet against the Spurs till someone beats them." Such great analysis. Don't worry about the fact that the Spurs don't match up at all with Lakers. Or the fact that they couldn't stop Chirs Paul to save their lives. It just because they have done it before. If you want to pick the Spurs, that's fine, but just tell me why, and not "because they are the defending champs," or "they are playoff tested." If the 92 Bulls came back together and wanted to play the Lakers, would you still pick the Bulls? A 47 year old MJ vs Kobe, but the Bulls are playoff tested.

Bruce Bowen
-I know we have made this point before, but as a fan how can you like this guy? He's dirty, he has no offensive game, and his defense is starting to slip. Tell the truth, every time he spots up in the corner for three, you are screaming in your head, DON'T PASS TO BRUCE, DON'T PASS TO BRUCE!!

So there is another Anti-Spurs rant. Sorry San An fans, but its just not a team I can get behind, and this time its not because they are the mav's rival, they just aren't fun to watch.

Here, I'll start the comments for you.

-Kiss the Rings Bitch.

Brown quits life

That's it. I'm done. Big or Bear is going to have to cut my body down from the rope hanging from the fan in my living room.

Folks, this was on MSNBC (granted the Entertainment/Gossip area), and yes, they refer to it as a "scandal".

"De facto Starbucks spokes-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen might have a scandal on their hands. A former barista from the Olsen’s oft-frequented Starbucks in New York’s West Village allegedly used to swap out skim milk for the full-fat variety when the girls came by for their caffeine fix...

...one fellow latte-lover close to the Olsens (who requested anonymity) said that she sympathizes with the twins — to an extent. “It’s also my worst nightmare — that and getting a huge diet fountain soda that is mistakenly regular Coke — but I can def(initely) taste the difference"

Yup, I'm done. Goodbye world.

I've been here before...

First, the Wii allows me to play all the old Nintendo games from my past.

Then, Nolan Ryan comes back to the Rangers albeit as President, but he is back none the less.

Then, I discover hair in new places. It's not really the discovery of new hair or new places, it's a shift to gray hair.

Then, I see Sting doing an interview about how he used to wrestle with a fella named Jim Helliwig as "the Blade Runners".

Then I see this:

RVD is training the Ultimate Warrior for his return to pro wrestling

I'm going to and check if my car has a flux capacitor and no one told me because I tend to drive at least 88 mph a majority of the time.

Quick note

I'm swamped with work, but this was sent to me by a friend:

Kimbo Slice, you are slowly entering the realm of TB&TB Hall of Fame with your random shenanigans and tomfoolery.

Think Kenny Chesney offered to be a bottom?

(Just saw this on The Big Lead, so I assume that's where the video was from sent to me)

He done done it again..

In case you missed it, in what has to be the coolest name of a race ever, our HOFer Big Brown won the Preakness this weekend. That's one step away from a tripple crown.



I'm sure we will have more on this in a little bit.

While you were sleeping

Over the weekend, I received a text from a friend/reader(come on lets be honest, 90% of the people who read this are friends, and if you read this and don't know us, your a default friend) shot me a text saying simply "Time to give our Rangers some love."

Now not too long ago I wrote a post where, after the mavs kicked my grief box in the nuts, i hinted that the only thing we have left to look forward to is the Rangers, and how said that is. It truly left me an ice box where my heart used to be.

But, like during most springs at the Big childhood house, we thawed that ice box, and found not only last years fudge pops that have turned into fudgesicles, but a baseball team that's worth watching.

Take a look at the standings of the American League West.

WEST W L PCT GB HOME ROAD RS RA STRK L10
LA Angels 26 20 .565 - 14-11 12-9 211 205 Won 1 4-6
Oakland 24 21 .533 1.5 12-9 12-12 198 167 Lost 1 3-7
Texas 22 23 .489 3.5 12-11 10-12 226 244 Lost 1 7-3
Seattle 18 27 .400 7.5 11-13 7-14 182 207 Won 2 4-6

Our little Arlington Darlings are 22-23, one game back of .500(which they were .500 till yesterday's loss), 7-3 in their last 10, and have now won their last 7(!?!) series'.

Its crazy to thing that you win 7 series's and still be under .500, but if you weren't paying attention to the beginning of the season, and lets be honest nobody was, you missed a span where the Rangers where averaging over 5 errors a game. But as of right now, they are playing really really well, and are fun to watch.

What's the reason for it? We are rocking behind some great play from our Hot Head, our Druggie, and our Drunk (alcoholics go to meeting).

The Hot Head is veteran free agent, and board game genius, Milton Bradley. He is hitting .321 with an OBP of .432.

The Druggie is Josh Hamiliton, and he might be having an MVP type season so far. He's hitting .318, 10 Homers and 49 RBI's.

Our Drunk, Vicente Padilla, has been lights out this year from the mound. He is 6-2 with a 3.16 ERA with 41 K's to only 22 walks. You add some nice help from our closer C.J. Wilson, who is 8 for 9 in save opportunities, and our pitching staff isn't doing that bad.

Now granted its just a really good stretch of Baseball from these guys, and they have all the tools to fall back to earth at any point and play like they did the first few weeks of the year, but as of right now, don't panic, but we have a nice little baseball team.

Did he just fall asleep?

This is the Sandman. A wrestler from the old ECW. Known for being hardcore and drinking beer. Well.....he did one of them.



I find it great that when he says lets go drink beer, he got a huge pop.

I can tell you this

I might just want to play this instead of sex.



(no i wouldn't)

(yes i would)

Guess who's winning the Preakness on Saturday?

We are, bitches!

That's right, our horsey mascot is the overwhelming favorite at the Preakness on Saturday...the second leg of the Triple Crown.

Here's the odds for you notorious gamblers:

Big Brown: 1-2
Gayego: 8-1
Behindathebar: 10-1
Yankee Bravo: 15-1
Kentucky Bear (Bear's Mascot): 15-1
Macho Again: 20-1
Hey Byrn: 20-1
Tres Borrachos (El Blogador's mascot): 30-1
Icabad Crane: 30-1
Racecar Rhapsody: 30-1
Stevil: 30-1
Riley Tucker: 30-1
Giant Moon: 30-1

So, here's to you, Big Brown. I hope you and your jockey, who's name I assume is Little Brown, achieve greatness on account of us. Make another Eight Belles out of the rest of those whore-ses. (See what I did there? Genius!)

Your friends in cyberspace (and eternal Barbaro-dom),
The Big and the Brown

Big's youth comes back to haunt him...

Picked up this story today.

"Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

...

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business."

Ladies (yeah, right) and gentlemen, substitute "Halo on an XBox" for "Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past on Super Nintendo" and you have Big as a child.

If this is true, I'm switching gears on Rick Carlisle

If this story has any legs, then the Mavericks are right back into the meat of the conversation.

I wasn't a big fan of the Rick Carlisle hire. It did enough for me that I pretty much shrugged my shoulders and didn't even bother commenting. I figured, he's the white Avery Johnson: micromanaging, "bring it to the half court and I'll call the play from the bench", focus on defense kind of coach.

I know that he's not going to relinquish power to Jason Kidd (though he should for on the court decisions).

I know that he's already reached out to Dirk because he needed to.

However, it never even dawned on me that Rick Carlisle could deliver the nasty, defensive presence that the Mavericks need: Ron Artest.

I've said several times that the Mavs should make the move with the Kings to get Artest. Now, given that Ron-Ron had his best years under Carlisle, he might want to actually come here.

Howard for Artest? Do that deal every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Come on, Mark Cuban, make this happen.

Could tonight be the start of something new?

This years NBA playoffs have been fantastic. We have had new teams, (or at least new players on some old faces), big step up players, close games, and most notably, the teams that play good D, aren't the favorites anymore.

Tonight, the defending champs, San Antonio, could get knocked out of the playoffs by the upstart New Orleans Hornets. The best all round team over the past 10 years could get beat by the young, fast, offensive oriented Hornets. And on Friday, the Lake show could defeat a Jerry Sloan, defensive grid it out team in the Utah Jazz. And if you look at seeding, they should win.

If LA, and NO meet in the west finials, who ever wins will be the worst Defensive team to come out of the west in 20 years, maybe ever. Now, they both aren't bad defensive teams to say the least, but neither one has anybody that you can say, "hey guy, go cover that teams best player" and expect it to work.

The funny thing is, if you look at the East, they are about where the West was 8 years ago. They have one team that plays fantastic D, but has no real go to superstar(DET), and two teams fighting it out that rely solely on transcendet players(BOS,CLE). They are the LA with Kobe and Shaq, and the anti Sad Sac Kings of a couple years ago(instead of all O, they have all D, and no crunch time player).

Of course all of this a mute point if SA or Utah come back and win the last 2 games, but it gets me excited to think that in a copy cat league, some more teams will start to copy this trend of team oriented, offensive minded play.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

Tim Duncan want Snoo-Snoo!

Bittersweet Celebrations

Is it really over?

Don't tease me with such stories. Please let it be true.

Why bittersweet? Well, it's great because no more focus on Jessica Simpson. It's bad because I had planned to use the Romo-Simpson alliance for comedy throughout the next few Cowboy seasons.

My hope is that he treats it like an interception and forgets about it in no time flat. We got plenty of buxom blondes in Dallas who'll do anything for a line of coke and a camera flash. What are the odds that Bobby Carpenter asks her out now? Who's going to care?

I'd like to hear Favre and Bradshaw argue this with back country witticisms on their first pre-game on Fox together. Made for television, I'd say.

Anyway, Tony always has the Aerosmith version of Guitar Hero to look forward to...oh yeah, and the upcoming season.

Did the Mitchell Report have an effect?

So, we're a quarter way through the baseball season, and if you take a look at the numbers across both leagues, you'll notice that doubles, triples, and homers are all down compared to the last few years.

What strategy is winning this season?

Small ball. Manufacturing runs. Moving runners. Stealing bases.

Does this mean that players are actually scared of being outed by the likes of the media and Congress that they've temporarily put down the PED's?

I'm not sure, but a better question might be: is it good for the game?

Does that mean I condone PED usage and "cheating"? No. But what saved baseball 10 years ago? The McGuire-Sosa home run chase and Bonds.

What does the casual fan want to see? Base running or Grand Slams? Stolen Bases or 2 run moon shots?

What is Bud Selig going to do when his game is "clean" but the ratings are down?

I've been drunk on the sweet tears of San Antonio

Eva makes Tony do some crazy shit

Back on the road for work, I've been hunkered down in San Antonio.

There is nothing down here but an Orca whale, J-Bizzle's family, Mexican food and the San Antonio Spurs.

The Hornets crushed the Spurs last night.

San Antonio is sad.

I am happy.

Touch me in those places you only talk about at night.

Tom Brady is so great, he can read my mind

I don't know how many of you saw this story, but it seems that Tom Brady has said words that have been on my mind for awhile now.

In regards to Spygate (can we stop appending "-gate" to every possibly scandal or controversy that plagues someone in the news, please? Watergate was almost 40 years ago.) Tom Brady, who is getting as tired of coverage as the rest of the world, said this:

"I think it's a way to really sell newspapers, and all the ESPN stations, they've got to fill the air, too...It's just kind of the environment right now, though. I think that's the way that guys make it. They just say the craziest things. That's what ESPN has become. ESPN, to me, is like MTV without the videos, ESPN is without the highlights."

So, let's recap

-Best QB since Montana
-Model looks
-Made a MILF out of Bridget Moynahan without any negative reprocussions
-Now dating Victoria's Secret supermodel
-Echos my thoughts on ESPN

Fuck you, Tom Brady. I'm so jealous, it hurts.

Former Cowboy going to jail for......

Crank.

Troy Hambrick, former running back for the Cowboys is going to spend 5 years in jail for selling crack.

That's right. Crack.

Not coke, or x, or even LSD

no no no, Crack.

He was once described as a poor man's eddie george. Guess he should have been a poor man Mike Irvin.

Here is the story

crack!?! WTF

Stock Sports Debate

Much like Barry vs. Emmit or 70's Stealers vs. 90's Cowboys, This is one of those things that drive sports talk show hosts crazy, yet is always a constant at the bar with the "real" fans.

A couple days ago I had an argument with a friend of mine as to what, in the sporting world, would you love to be bad ass at. We started talking about would you rather be Tom Brady or Matt Cassell. One makes ridiculous money, yet has all the pressure on them, the other makes good money and doesn't have to do much ever.

That got me thinking about what would my top sports jobs, not media, be if I had the talent.

I have come up with my top 5, and I want you guys to give us yours. Each one has a specific talent level required, and will be explained.

5. Top 5 Power Forward in the NBA.

This one has the highest work ethic, yet I couldn't leave off my favorite to play. Think Pau Gasol. I would have to be at least thought about every year for the All Star game, have a couple years where I was billy bad ass, and been at least the number 2 option on a team. I would average 18-12 for my career and make at least 7 mill a year, for 12 seasons. The down side with this is the work ethic thing I hinted at earlier. To be a basketball star you have to work your ass off, not just rely on god given talent or else I would end up like Darrius Miles.

4. Pro Golfer better than most, not as big as Tiger or Phil.

I know that sounds like strange. Your thinking to yourself "why not be the best ever?" While that would be nice to know that for the next 300 years people will talk about how great you were, I rather like having a semi normal life. Tiger can't go the mall and get a Jamba Juice. Adam Scott can. Give me 3 or so majors in the span of a 15-20 year run, and 5 years on the senor tour, almost always making the cut, and I'd be happy. And I'd be really, really rich. And have a bitchin farmers tan.

3. Face of American Soccer

This is another one that would be a huge beating with the media, but not as bad as say a QB or superstar B-Ball player. Think Landon Donavan with better ability to play over seas. I would spend every other year playing over seas for the highest bidder, and playing over here with some MLS team while trying to shove soccer down your face. I would be the American Pele', and you all would love me for about 2 months every 4 years for 20 years. Money-check, Respect in game-check, Just famous enough to have people come up to me at chilli's, but not have someone stalking me- check.

2. NFL Punter

This is the coosh job. I thought about maybe a third string QB, or a place kicker, but I think the Punter has the easiest job ever in sports. Even if i were just an average Punter, I would make at least 450,000 a year for probably 15 years, get all the free shit and perks of being a NFL player, and all that jazz. There will never be a situation where the game rests on your shoulders, like a Place Kicker, or a Back up QB. Your body doesn't take hardly any punishment so a injury shorten career is almost out of the question. Plus, you get lots of praise when you do well, and there is always somebody looking for a punter!

1. MLB Starting Pitcher.

As a fan, I am not much of one with Baseball. I love going to games, I follow the box sores of the Rangers, yet with the season so damn long, and the fact that Baseball doesn't translate to TV as well as it should, I don't know as much about it and the everyday goings on as say the NFL. With that said, I think a Really good to bad ass Starting Pitcher would be the best job in sports. You make CRAZY money, you play only once a week, its 90% about you and 10% your team, hell you can even suck ever 3rd or 4th game and still be called great! This is the one that probably puts your body through the most. And sands the soccer one, the one that you will most likely be recognised on the street with, but the perks are too much. You work 8 months out of the year. You make AT LEAST 10 mill a season, and you don't even have to finish the whole game. Other times are spent studying batters, working on control, and perfecting that pick off play.

So there you go, My top 5 sports jobs I wish the good Lord gave me talents to do. Would love to hear what some of yours are.

So I have a problem with this.

Over the weekend, news "broke" on ESPN's outside the lines, that former USC basketball player O.J. Mayo received a bunch of money from an agent over the past 4 year. This would include that since he was a sophomore in High School, somebody was trying to buy their way into being his agent when he turned pro.

This is a problem that's been around sports for ever, and people have different thoughts and opinions about this stuff.

Some aren't surprised, and want to blame the NCAA and NBA for making these kids play one year of college ball.

Pat Forde thinks USC should get the Death Penalty.

I, myself, sit somewhere in the middle. Much like the use of performance enhancing drugs, I don't like the fact the college kids get free perks, but I know it happens. It happens everywhere. From the Brown's big bad UT, to Gerys Alabama, My North Texas, and the Serpa's South Carolina's institute of Technology. If your a bad ass, You get stuff free. Simple.

My problem lies with how ESPN found out about all this Mayo stuff. Enter Louis Johnson. He is a guy that until recently was a part of Mayo's cliq. Not a bad move for the guy, see this high school phenom, befriend him, knowing that he will make it to the pro's and get paid, and hang around for all the perks that come with it. While not the most noble idea, its a decent one non the less.

So Johnson gets booted out just a few weeks before payday, gets pissed and runs to ESPN to tell on his former friend.

In layman's terms. He snitched.

I hate people who snitch. I hate tattle tails, cry babies, and selfish people. I hate them all.

Now don't get me wrong, when it comes to seeing something bad, and police are involved, you have to tell the truth and say what you saw.

But when its just about money, and how your not getting some? Your a pussy, and a Snitch.

Can Johnson hit an 18 footer? Can he drive the lane? Can he carry his team with 18-7? Is he the one that is about to get drafted by an NBA team with a top 10 pick in this years draft?

No. Mayo is.

So because of his shortcomings, he has bring down someone else to his barren level of existence. Like I said earlier, all Schools have people taking money, Didn't you watch the Program? Who care if someone gave the Kid 30,000 over 4 years.

Fucking Snitch.

Just becasue we celebrate Rick Askley way to much

Kind of mixes the two best songs ever right, Take on me and Never gonna.

Live at the Rangers game

Brown here, reporting from the Ballpark at Arlington.

I've been sitting in the "all you can eat seats".

So far, I'm not too sure what's going on in the game, but I've now ingested the following:

-8 hot dogs
-2 nacho orders
-A box of popcorn
-A bag of peanuts
-4 beers

Starving children in Africa - 0
Brown - 1

Take that, Somalia!

Rangers are up over Oakland, 3-2

ummm......ok?

So in hockey, when your team is playing like ass, sometimes a guy will start a fight to pick your team up. In the Ranger game last night, I guess thats what happened.



Rangers 5-0 so i guess it turned out OK. At least let the pitch hit you. Damn.

Chiming in on the Ticket

So, brown posted a post(redundant) yesterday about if the Ticket has jumped the shark or not. He brought up some very valid points the best of witch is this.

Like he said, I do work in radio here in Dallas, albeit far from the sports talk genre, but its a place that I would like to end up someday. Never the less, here is my take.

My sisters have lived here in Dallas since the early 90's with their husbands. When we would pack the car up and come to Dallas to see them, I remember that listening to the Sports Brothers as soon as we reached the city. It was sports on the radio, and even at an early age I loved it. My earliest memory of Dallas sports talk is when Derrick Harper came back to the Mav's after his stint in New York, and when we finally got the signal they were talking about how much Harper would help the Mav's with his return. I thought they were talking about Alvin Harper from the Cowboys and was confused.

When I moved up here for college in the summer of 2000, one of the things I was most excited about was listening to the Ticket, an all sports radio station that was much more that just sports. Hell one show on the weekend even talked about wrestling.

What made the Ticket so great was that it was all about the normal fans. The guys who liked to joke around and poke fun at stuff, talk about movies and music, and all and all just have fun. Every single one of the Ticket Hosts, with the exception on Norm, who had just started, were people that didn't intimidate you, they didn't seem like bigger than life people that most radio "stars" come off as. I was sure that if I saw any of those guys out at a bar, I could sit down, buy them a beer, and not feel intimidated.

The reason for this is they were just as new working in this format as we were listening to it. We were growing together. Hearing storeys of the original compound where Craig, Gordo and Corby lived for awhile in an apartment gave them even more of an appealing aspect. As the Ticket listeners grew, so did the Ticket. What was once a let's try anything approach, like moving Corby from Bad Radio to the Hardline, Gordo from the Hardline to the Musers, or even the Musers to morning drive, has now been set in stone for the past 6 or 7 years. Its the same format, that we all love, but what kept them on edge and fresh is starting to turn people away for the opposite reason.

Have they jumped the shark? No. They just don't have anybody to push them.

In radio there is an unwritten rule about how to run a station. Find your demo, and exploit it. If you can get a firm grasp on the Demo(a group of people, like guys 25-50), then your almost untouchable. Take a look at these examples.

Sports - The Ticket
Top 40 - KISS
Talk - WBAP
County - 99.5 wolf
Alternative - 102.1 edge or 97.1 eagle
Classic rock - 93.3 Bone
Urban - 104.5

Now for the past 2 or 3 years the top rated over all stations looked like this with each moving a few spots up or down but pretty much where they are at

K104 (urban)
KISS (top 40)
WBAP (news talk)
KLUV (oldies)
2 Spanish stations.(Spanish)

Those are the top guys. The Ticket is on the next level due to the fact that pretty much only guys listen to the station. The only non Spanish station that is on top that even has competition is the Urban station. 97.9 the beat has taken away from K104 many many share points and knocked them out of first, which they were for about 2 years straight.

I know I'm starting to ramble. But here is my point. When you have competition leads to a better product, but less money in the ratings. Right now, the Ticket has no competition, and they are making a quite a bit of money, so why change a good thing right? The problem lies with when will your audience find your bit tired. And it will happen. If they want to stay on top, they will have to shake some things up.

When will competition happen? When Greggo goes to ESPN during drive time. That's when things will get interesting.

Swimming in circles is now an Olympic event

Hat tip: Fan House

There's going to be an amputee swimmer at the Olympics in China.

She qualified for South Africa by finishing fourth in the 10 km open water swim.

How does she compensate?

"There's no real compensation. You just do the hours in the swimming pool, you do the hours of racing and you do the hours of mental preparation. You just go out and give it everything. I don't even think of one leg, two legs. When you're racing in an able-bodied competition you're all equal and you go out there and try your best, and that's what counts."

They're willing to do anything to boost the ratings on the Olympics this year.

Wait until you readers are introduced to "Olympic Big".

Has The Ticket Jumped the Shark?

First, as a disclaimer, I love The Ticket

Second, Uwe Blog had a similar post and it inspired this while listening to BaD Radio waste time making fun of Sean Bass.

I've been a P1 for a long time now, and I pretty much have the station on at all times, much to female passengers' chagrin. (Then again, they're tied up in the trunk, it's not like they can hear anything...gotta get some by any means necessary)

That being said, I think that the hosts and the station in general, in their own words, "let their shtick get tired"

It's always been about funny bits and being "the common man", but that was usually mixed in with some kind of actual sports discussions.

Now?

The Musers are more focused on becoming the Gordon Keith show.

Norm is the other extreme where he's breaking down the Colorado Rockies minor league system to dig up potential prospect trades for Millwood

BaD radio spends too much time either being the Grubes show or catering to a group of forum posters (that's right, a sorry blog writer is calling out even sorrier forum people)

The Hardline has pretty much become "let's hate on everything becuase it's not as good as us" (That only works on this blog, buddy)

Most of you who listen are probably thinking that's the same way it's always been.

That's true, and the only reason it has worked is because there is zero competition. ESPN radio?? Really?

Mike and Mike...morning drive should wake me up not put me to sleep.

Colin Cowherd is the only thing worse than Floyd and Engel, so they went with it.

The Michael Irvin show is terrible. It has such potential given the connections that Irvin has and the guests he can get, but it's just unlistenable.

The Hardline could roll out nothing but fart drops and Danny shitting on music and it's more entertaining than Galloway.

When you've got no competition, there's no pressure to improve your product.

How long until a radio station hits the law of diminishing returns?

I'm not sure...after all, I still listen and will continue to do so.

Big's a radio man in this city, maybe he'll have his thoughts.

2nd Turnbuckle - Is MTV news still around?

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So wrestling has had a few things pop up as of late.

First Adamle shows up and tanks. He's improving, but he will always be fighting the urge to throw it down Czonka down on the field of Breakthrough And Conquer with Gemini.

Now one of wrestling's own is making the jump. The first that I can recall. John Coachman will be doing something for ESPN. I don't if he'll be doing Sportscener or E:60 like Chris Connelly from MTV News. But it's Coach on ESPN. A little part of my brain is hurting trying to comprehend that. Will he go over the top calling a highlight? Will he try to set up a feud with Scott Van Pelt? He could be a big contributor to the Sportscenter commercials, if they play up the former WWE bit.

Thirdly, CMT announced it was order eight (EIGHT!) episodes of Bischoff-Hervey Entertainment Produced "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling". Why did I list the producers? Becuase Bischoff-Hervey is Eric Bischoff of WCW/WWE fame and Hervey is Jason Hervey, better known as Wayne Arnold from "The Wonder Years". Hervey has been writing/producing in the Sports Entertainment business for a little over a decade. That's all. The term "celebrity" is being used loosely as the only rumored name out right now is Trishelle Cantonella from "Real World: Las Vegas". I'm sure it will be full of people who are famous for being on other reality shows. At best it will have some "B" list celebs from the 80's. And because people love lists, here is my 5 that I'd like to see:

Dave Coulier
Donkey Lips
Danielle Fishell (Topanga)
Alfonso Ribeiro
Nate Newton

I also watched some classic AWA on ESPN Classic, but that is for another blog. I reccomend it, Saturday nights at Midnight.

So a "friend" of mine has to bet on everything....

And that same "friend" has been itching for something big to throw some cash at since the draft went down.

Then "he" found this, odd for the NBA draft lottery.

"He" couldn't be more excited. "He" is getting +385 on the T Wolves.

Some people call it a problem, I call in fun. To watch of course.

Things "He" once bet on

-whether or not the next girl to walk in the bar was blond or brunette
- whether it was going to rain in Spain today
- whether or not he could jump form his coffee table to the bar.
- what beer commercials would play next during the Super Bowl.
- what would the Bear go after first, a salmon or a pot of honey if both were thrown into a river at the same time.

Needless to say, "he" won almost all those bets.

I bet i could whoop Turks ass at steak too...

I mean "he"

Giggle

Hat tip: We are the Postmen

Please, not another Barbaro

This Eight Belles thing is getting a bit out of hand.

We get it, PETA hates humans.

Fine.

However, just because a horse that is trained to do nothing but run broke its ankles I don't think that the sports world needs to focus on doing a steroid test on a horse autopsy. It's really not that important.

I understand that for the next few weeks, everyone pretends they give a rat's ass about horse racing because of the Triple Crown. You can be damn sure that this blog will be interested because our boy is the leader in the club house.

That being said, our buddy said it pretty perfectly last night:

"Who fucking cares? It's a running bottle of glue."

Personally, I'd like to think our boy, Big Brown, was in some way a descendant of the horse that Gus used to protect himself from the Native Americans that were chasing him.

How did I miss this?

Similar to my laughing at Adrian Peterson, I now turn my attention to laughing at Ryan Perriloux.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Ryan Perriloux is gone from the LSU Tigers.

Why? Failing a drug test.

You know that had to be like the 20th failed drug test for him, he was supposed to be the starting QB for the defending national champs.

Forget all the comparisons to people in the pros, his new benchmark is Quincy "Yak Tongue" Carter.

Why am I laughing?

Ryan Perriloux gave a verbal commitment to Texas in 2005. Texas shut down it's QB recruiting afer that because they had the number one guy in the country. They ended up offering the job to Colt McCoy...Musburger's object of affection.

So, let's get this straight:

-Turned down the chance to take the reigns from Vince Young
-Told the Baton Rouge media he would win multiple national championships and Heisman trophies
-Sat behind Jam Jam Russell
-Sat behind Matt Flynn
-Suspended from the team once. Reinstated.
-Suspended again. Reinstated.
-Got caught up in an FBI investigation on counterfeiting
-Teased LSU fans by winning the SEC Championship when Flynn went down
-Suspended from team AGAIN. Reinstated.
-And now he's gone

Fuck with Texas and shit happens. Either you break your collarbone multiple times while you watch Texas win a national championship and then go on to NFL greatness a la Peterson or you outright get fucked like Perriloux.

What happens when you play sports at my alma mater? College greatness. Marijuana addiction. No NFL success.

I'm only buying Western Digital now

Hat tip: The Consumerist

Apparently they've got a funny man (or Spurs fan) working at Seagate or the shipping department at least...

"I received an order of three Seagate hard drives today, either someone in the Seagate factory has too much time on their hands, or Seagate has a “Mavericks Suck” model drive now."

Bill Simmons inadvertently describes Rangers fans

I was reading Bill Simmons's latest column regarding the "death" of the Phoenix Suns.

Imagine my surprise when he accidentally described the feeling of almost every Ranger fan...

"I can't imagine why someone would want to own an NBA team if he cared more about breaking even than winning a championship. What's the point? Why not sell to someone who cares more about a title? Like so many other NBA fans, I have a pipe dream of stumbling into enough wealth to own an NBA team some day. It will never happen, but really, it's my ultimate pipe dream other than my daughter turning into a world-class tennis player and me turning into one of those deranged Tennis Dads who shows up for every match flashing hand signals and intimidating the judges. Anyway, if I were fortunate enough to own an NBA team, I would never, ever, EVER favor my pockets over a chance at a title. I just wouldn't. It's like going to Vegas for a guy's weekend and refusing to lose more than $100. Why even go then? Just stay home."

If you cut through the general "Simmons-ery" that is in that paragraph, you'll notice how he describes Tom Hicks to a tee. Yes, you can argue this for a lot of teams and their owners, but this blog is based in Dallas, and Cuban and Jones will pay whatever it takes. Only Hicks is the ass who cares more about the bottom line.

On a side note, everyone needs to understand something: the Mavericks are not going to have the success you expect them to have in the next few years. Dallas is old with no direction and no Spurs-like nucleus. New Orleans and Portland are going to be taking Dallas's and Phoenix's perennial playoff spots.

I'm not happy about it, but at the same time, it adds a bit of flavor to the season when you know the team has to fight every game instead of coasting.

Talk about fishing for a silver lining...

Holy Crap, It's Cinco de Mayo!

Big was kind of enough to send me this picture of him and El Blogador celebrating, so I thought I'd share it with our sexy readers.

That's El Blogador on the left, and he's presenting Big with our Kentucky Derby gift.

It's a sweater!!!

I'd like to think we had a hand in this...

You might remember a certain anti-meth advertisement from Montana.

Well, the state of Montana decided to take those ads down from the highways.

"One recent outdoor ad pushed the envelope pretty far. The ad (seen above) depicted a young woman on the ground with a man, mostly out of frame, over her, in an implied sexual position. The copy says, "15 bucks for sex isn't normal. But on meth it is." According to a story in the Helena Independent Record, the Montana Meth Project agreed to remove the ad in response to complaints from a parents organization. The ad was running on about 10 billboards around the state. There are other outdoor ads in this series, with disturbing images of people with bruises or other injuries, but this was the only one involving sex.

...

The campaign has a signature look of sharp, high-contrast, color images, showing models with clammy-looking skin in extremely grim surroundings."

If you're interested, click here for the full gamut of anti-meth ads that Montana was running.

UPDATE: The Great Barstoolio has made these into sports-centric ones. God bless you, sir.

This is about tires, nothing more

Hat tip: Hot Clicks

After watching that, a few things come to mind.

1) Yes, I think I need new tires.

2) A lab is dating a poodle, who's getting fucked by a bull dog. That's like my walking in on a white girlfriend getting drilled by a black guy. Also known as "Brown's College Years"

3) Why aren't the dogs doing it doggy-style? I'm very curious..is there some kind of Canine Kama Sutra?

4) HOW IS THIS A FUCKING TIRE COMMERCIAL?

I'm sure Blogador will have more

Hat tip: Awful Announcing

Break out the Lone Star and Keystone, and give your wife that extra special punch in the throat. ESPN is hiring WWE Announcers!!

PWInsider.com can confirm Coachman has been hired by ESPN as an anchor. There's no word on when Coachman will debut for the cable sports network, but internally, WWE sources believe Coachman will be finishing up shortly, if he isn't done already with the company.

Coachman had been with WWE since December 1999, working as an announcer and on-air heel persona. Prior to his work with WWF/E, Coachman was a sports writer and sports anchor in his native Kansas.

That's right, Coach, Corso and Vitale are going to be on the same network. Can't the hire Joey Styles for Sportscenter highlights?

"OHH MYY GODD!!"

Is this the alternate 1985?

Help me, Emmett L. Brown! What the hell is going on?

I step away for a few days to handle some personal stuff (fucking life, always interfering) and the world and sports landscape goes crazy

• Roger Clemens fucks 15 year olds
• An old Austrian man fucks his daughter in a basement dungeon
• An obvious mafia hit on the "D.C. Madam"
• The Mavericks are seriously considering hiring Rick Carlisle. RICK CARLISLE!!! The guy couldn't win the Eastern Conference!
• A horse, supposedly trained by one of our avid readers, wins the Kentucky Derby with such an obvious "Brown-esque" move: the horse behind him was a female with two broken ankles that got killed during Big Brown's celebration! (If that's not scene control, I quit.)
• The Stars reminded Dallas that they're relevant and can do things that no one else in this city can do. You know, win when it matters.
• Cedric Benson gets pepper sprayed, arrested and HE WAS THE ONLY ONE ON THE ENTIRE BOAT that had it happen to him in Austin. (Right, "I'm not Ricky" my ass.)
• Mark Teixeira has a good April and is now, supposedly, rumored to become the new Yankee first baseman.
• Every MLB team will be playing against Indiana Jones on May 22nd
• The New Orleans Hornet set the floor on fire, literally
• Chris Cooley looks to supercede Gilbert Arenas as the world's most favoritest athelete blogger.
• Papa John's Pizza angers LeBron, therefore the state of Ohio.
• A soccer streaker gets to pose for Playboy, and she'll end up making more than some players in the league.
• Jessica Simpson is going to write and RELEASE a song about Tony Romo. (By the way, why in the hell did "D" Magazine say she's the most popular blonde in Dallas?)
• De La Hoya wins against Steve Forbes, as to why a multimillionair magazine titan is boxing, you've got me.
• And Kobe is slated to win his first MVP award.

Now, someone tell me when I'm supposed to go back to and stop Bear from getting the 2015 Grey's Sports Alamanac.

And so it shall be true

Every thing we touch, turns to gold.

Our little buddy Big Brown had a great weekend, winning stage one of the triple crown. By simply having the same name as what we do here, propelled him to victory over everybody else in that race. Hell it even punished the horse that came in second, Eight Belles, just for coming close to our horse Big Brown.

See what happens when you side with TB&TB?

we are the anti bad radio.

We Rule.

Brown, we have a new Mascot.

This weekend is the Kentucky Derby. Round one of the triple crown.

Now, we here at tB&tB don't really follow horse racing. We don't really follow any type of racing, unless it involves cops and a meth head, or policia and a coke head, or a Mountie and a bear fucker, you get the idea.

Now our good buddy over at uncle rico, pointed out yesterday, There is a horse in the derby named Big Brown.

Could this be a match made in Heaven? Are Big and Brown really horse race breeders that tryed to slip one by the sports population? Is it really a sandwich if it has no meat?

All valid questions. But I know that we will be pulling for this little guy on sat.

So now, we have a new mascot. To go along with these fine people

K. Dar Dar

Hivy the blood drop

Calvin Booth

and Big Brown

2nd Turnbuckle - College girls are easy

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

The college football Hall of Fame class was announced yesterday.

El Blogador will now go visit whatever city it is in. Yes there were some Cowboys and I will support them. But there is another notable.

Blogador will show up wearing his foam Acme Brick hat signed by Troy Aikman,

while drinking from his giant Golden Chick refillable drink mug endorsed and featuring Jay Novacek.

Why not a jersey of one of the two Cowboy stars? That space will be reserved for the WWE shirt emblazened with a giant "DAMN". Ron "Farooq" Simmons, NG Florida State, was elected to the college football HOF.

He may have George Jefferson hair or look like a 'roided out Ron Washington, but he could still hold his own.

Play Dallas GM for a day...

What would you do with this team?

Pretend you are the GM and have the ability to utilize all of Cuban's money to improve the Dallas Mavericks.

Who do you trade? Sign? Release?

Do you make a move for draft picks?

Do you focus on the FIBA market?

Be realistic. Any thing like "Trade Damp straight up for Amare" may work on the ESPN Trade Machine, but don't be a fucking retard.

This is a text message fest that Big and I have been having the past few days. Now we want to open it to the masses.

Think the Mavs can package Terry, Stack, Howard to Sacramento for Artest and a 2nd rounder?

How about Damp, Howard, Stackhouse, Jones's contract to Denver for Melo?

Pick up expiring contracts to play the free agent market in '09 (more commonly known as the "LeBron to the Jay-Z Nets" year) ?

Move up in the draft for Collison or Douglas-Roberts?

Use the comments and tell us what you'd do.

Exactly what is a "hoodlum" or "thug"?

So Charlie Weis was speaking to Notre Dame alumni and made a statement saying that "he could win if he had hoodlums and thugs, but he's not going to do that".

Pretty innocuous for the most part, if you ask me.

However, while listening to PTI, Wilbon and Kornheiser made it one of their topics. Now, having paid enough attention to sports media, I naturally thought someone was going to use the terms "hoodlums and thugs" to immediately imply "black people". At least I know that some of our readers do that, you racists herpes sufferers.

Funny thing is, no one brought race up as an issue.

Wilbon's argument:
"Notre Dame never could recruit hoodlums and thugs. The University's standards are too high, and they've won without them. Of course he's not going to recruit them!"

Kornheiser's argument:
"What is Charlie Weis implying? Is he saying that all the teams that have won in the past few years have had hoodlums and thugs? I want him to specifically name the programs and the players that he is referring to. Also, he went 3-9 last year, what makes us think he's going to be able to coach anyone to victory?"

I'd love to think that maybe, just maybe, we've come to a point where the sports media doesn't have to jump to race automatically. I was floored when it wasn't implied, insinuated or inferred (Kurt Angle's real "three I's") that Charlie Weis meant inner-city, poor black people.

Floored in a good way.

Look back at Wilbon's and Kornheiser's arguments. They're actually really good points.

I'm not naive enough to say that a non-story like this signals a maturity in the media to move past race and report on salient points. In fact, I'm cynical enough to say that they were purposely ignoring the proverbial "elephant in the room" and happened to hit on solid points.

Do you ever see a point where race and sports can co-exist without flash points?

I'm so excited!! I'm so excited!!!

I'm so.......scared.

We started this little blog about 7 months ago or so. Right smack dab in the middle of Football season.

We have seen the Cowboys rise and fall. The Mavericks start falling apart. The NCAA tourney and supernintendo chalmers. The BCS championship crown a 2 loss team.

We have been there with you through the draft, Pac Man, Avery, Steak and BJ day, Christmas, Wrestlemaina, softball season, WNBA male/female scandal, and the Kidd trade.

We have introduced you to El Blogadore, Sir Arther, and the Sherpa.

The Bear that was once a pig, still only half man.

We have come so far.

Now all I have to look forward to over the next 2 months.......Ranger Baseball, and the Olympics.

God......

Help ......

Us......

All.

May 1st 10-18 7 1/2 out of first.

And the Olympics? in fucking China. Fantastic.

I'm taking up watching Rugby or something.

Stupidest. Post. Ever.

Hey buddy.

How's it going?

Feeling a little down?

Feel bad about the Mavericks losing?

How about the Stars?

Did you create a shitty character on your blog?

Are you creating a new one by writing this?

Go ahead, open me up and suck me down.

Sure, that sounds sexual, but no one's going to judge you.

On a diet? I'm low in caloric content.

Come on, I got 5 buddies back here who are just like me.

It'll be like an orgy in your stomach.

Go ahead, you know you want to.

Josh Howard reflects on the Mavericks loss

Howard: Fuck! We lost? I'm getting high right now.

(smoke a bowl in locker room)

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Shit.

Holy Shit.

I can't believe how stoned I am right now. I'm stoned like Doritos.

(Reloads)

Kidd: Josh! What the fuck are you doing, man!?

Howard: Whatchoo talking 'bout, Vanilla Cookie?

Man, if I wansta smoke after a game, I'mma smoke after a game.

It's the offseason baby!!

Aw shit, I miss Devin Harris.

(takes another hit)

Terry: Josh, come on, can't you at least wait until we're done here? You can get in some serious trouble with Mr. Cuban!

Howard: There's nothing wrong with hitting a little bit after the game. It cools my nerves. I mean, bring on the offseason. I ain't gonna lose my mothafuckin' job, my Drivers Select endorsments, my Ricky Smiley show appearance. Deez Nuts loves them some J-Ho Baby!!

Terry: Josh, I'm trying to help you, man.

Howard: Motherfucker, you want help me, then help me finish this bowl, baby!

Barea: Yo quiero uno toke, Senor HOward.

(Howard passes Barea the pipe. Barea runs around in circles doing nothing but waiting until the last possible moment when the cherry goes out, and then hands it to Stackhouse who is not paying attention. Stackhouse makes a desperation inhalation to keep the cherry lit, but is too late.)

Howard: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Lights it back up)

Remember that time, we were in the finals and got those tacos in Miami?

Best tacos ever.

Terry: That was a Jack-in-the-Box. You bought $20 worth of 99 cent tacos.

Howard: Really?

(stares blankly at Terry)

Motha fucka! I got one of those near where I live!

Dirk: Goddamn JEWS!!!

Well, this sucks

99-94
4-1

April 30th, and no more basketball in Dallas.

It's easy to play the blame game right now. So many people to choose.

Avery's inability to coach his way out of a paper bag.

The Kidd Trade

Damp's hands

Howards disappearing like a puff of smoke.

The decline of Stack

JET's defense (really Pargo goes off? you can't guard fucking PARGO?)

The fact that we still have Eddie Jones and Devon George on this team and its 2008

Dirk's inability to d-up David West.

All of these things combined to say one thing, We just aren't that good. We are a slow, unathletic, jump shooting team that has no post presence, no ability to run fast breaks, and nobody that can guard a 2 guard.

Wow.

You just saw the end of an era. For the past 8 years the Mav's have risen, apexed 2 years ago, and fallen. The question now is how far do they fall?

ohh sure there will be spin control. Like this Dirk quote after the game, where he is talking about the Kidd trade.

"I think it would have been a struggle to get into the playoffs either [with or
without the trade]. So we just went for it. Sometimes you have to take some
risks in this business. We went for it. We went for one of the greatest point
guards to ever play this game, a Hall of Famer.
"... For some reason we
never got clicking the way we wanted to. I'm sure we would love to have a
complete training camp with him and get used to each other more, but we didn't
have it. We had to get adjusted on the fly and things weren't ... I don't think
they were natural."

You are going to hear alot of stuff like that. Get ready.

Early prediction for next season? They fire Avery, Bring in somebody else, keep the same basic team, by the all star break when they are 25-30, fire sale, for cap space and draft picks. I think Dirk will be the only one standing when its all said and done.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

Why did we sweep the Nuggets?? Don't you realize what I can do in one more trip to Colorado!?

The Gin Soaked Sherpa speaks, on the draft of course

Here at the big and the brown, we love all things sports, fake or real. With that in mind we have no problem moving aside for a moment when someone of fantastic knowledge of a topic wants to put their two cents in.

This is Tioga, the Sherpa of Camping, and his vast understanding of the NFL draft, which is matched only by his hatred of dallascowboys.com "writer," Micky Spagnola. If Big is a draft dork, Tioga is his supervisor at kinko's.

"What have we learned kids?"

Having the Cowboys as your favorite team with Jerry Jones running things is like dating a bi-polar chick; all the highs and lows will leave you a drained emotional wreck, but hopefully the sex will be worth it.

First point in case: "Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade!" - (w/ thong song beat).

I'm on record as saying that I support making a trade when it enhances value; for example, moving up to get CB Mike Jenkins was smart. Moving down to get Julius Jones and Buffalo's 1st next year seemed brilliant at the time; even the deal with Cleveland last year seemed genius until they blew up. But what I really hate is the trade down only to trade back up that seems to always happen; it really reduces if not negates the value gained by trading down. It happened last year when we traded back into the 1st to get LB Anthony Spencer, and this year for CB Orlando Scandrick after moving outta the 3rd and passing on "Z" WR's Manningham and Caldwell, then moving down a couple times in the 4th passing on CB King. We did add picks for next year by trading down; but then in his press confrence immediately after the draft, Jerry stated that the extra picks next year would allow him to maneuver more freely. In other words, next year expect more of the same.

But it doesn't just stop at picks traded; this year he traded players whom were either current, former, or potential starters. With little depth at NT he shipped Ferguson for a 6th rounder. And what did we get with that pick?; not Iowa State NT Ahtyba Rubin; but instead another LB, this one a small college DE who'll have to make the transition and then beat out four 1st round picks, one 2nd, a 4th, and a former Pro Bowler in order to play. We also decided to take our starting ILB and #2 TE that we spent a 2nd on just two years ago and ship them off for a 4th rounder; with that pick, we traded down a couple times and decided to take a #3 RB whom is solid but buried behind a Pro Bowler and a 1st round pick. While the three guys we traded will most likely play alot if not start for Miami this year; the only way we'll hear from our guys is if they happen to accompany Pacman to the Platinum Club. The icing on the cake is that we turned around and spent a 2nd on another TE to replace the backup TE we got a 4th for; perhaps Jerry heard the term addition by subtraction and decided to put it to use.

In a sense it reminds me of how all the psycho girls I've known/dated are always changing/trading/moving things in their life; changing their hair color/style, trading jobs/majors, and moving on from guy to guy with the occasional girl thrown in.

Another way that Jerry's Cowboys remind me of the emotionally and mentally challenged people of the feminine gender, is that they'll make some questionable decisions. Much like a girl who ignores her bills in favor of buying yet another pair of shoes, Jones will ignore the WR and DL deficiencies in his roster for yet another LB. And then when later finally becomes the present; much like the girl who cries for her dad or boyfriend to come help her with the problem she created; Jones will go and spend big $ on a free agent stop gap.

Thanks for the letting me get that outta the way. Here are some mild draft observations for you here:

In the third we traded down and passed on WR Mario Manningham who had 1st round talent but a 4th round personality; the Giants got him and I hope we don't get it rubbed in our face like Moss did. Also in the third we passed on WR Andre Caldwell, a player who was compared to Hines Ward. He would have been almost just like Glenn in that he has speed to compliment Owens and Witten, and he's a gamer who'll do whatever is asked to win.

In the 4th we passed on CB Justin King who is a great athlete, but needs some more refinement. In college he was their best athlete at CB and he even played WR. If we drafted an athlete CB in the 5th that needs refinement, why not get a better athlete in the 4th who can take some snaps on offense and even help the return game.

This year there were several late round Defensive Linemen who fit the 3-4 Dallas runs; unfortunately we didn't draft any of them.

NT Red Bryant - 4th rd @ 121 to Sea
DE Kenny Iwobema - 4th rd @ 116 to Arz
DE Letroy Guion - 5th rd @ 152 to Min
DE DeMario Pressley - 5th rd @ 144 to NO
NT Frank Okam - 5th rd @ 151 to Hou
NT Ahtyba Rubin - 6th rd @ 190 Cle
DE Lionel Dotson - 7th rd @ 245 Mia

However, we did at least pick up DE Marcus Dixon outta Hampton as a free agent. He's 6'4 292 lbs but you should read the bio on this guy though. His senior year in high school was accused of rape by his 15 year old girlfriend and was found guilty of molestation and statutory rape; they sentenced him to 10 years. The supreme court freed him a year later because it was deemed consensual and he went on to go play college football. Wow!

Getting to know the new Cowboys: Tashard Choice

MJD over at the Shutdown Corner had this interview with Cowboy draft pick, Tashard Choice from Georgia Tech.

Some choice quotes...

I would want a career were I made the Pro Bowl and had a chance at the Hall of Fame, because I never want to be known as a solid player. I want to be known as a great player. I want to be a champion, but playing football you realize its a team sport and everybody can't be a champion, but that's what drives me.

Most of the time, I'm chillin' at the house with my friends, playing video games or cards. I do go out, and when I do, I go with my friends and teammates and we always have a good time.

I'm very competitive and I hate to lose. I really do.

If the name sounds familiar, you might remember hearing/seeing his pre-game pep talk before the Clemson game...(forgive the cheesy "Rudy" music, that's the YouTubers for you)

Drafting the Boys

While my journey into the spirit world took me away this weekend for most sports, I still made it a point to listen to the first two rounds of the NFL draft on the radio. It's funny, we got the ticket during the day, and ESPN radio at night. So I got to hear Norm climax when Dallas picked Jenkins, and then the Shutebag and John Clayton explain the second round.

We are going to start what might a be the first of several draft post with the boys. Here is who we got.

1 22(22) Felix Jones RB ARKANSAS
1 25(25) Mike Jenkins CB SOUTH FLORIDA
2 30(61) Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M
4 23(122) Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH
5 8(143) Orlando Sandrick CB BOISE STATE
6 1(167) Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE

6 players, and we picked up a third next year for trading out of the top of the 4th round. So lets go one by one and tell you a little bit about how these picks are.

Felix Jones RB Arkansas - When the draft started really shaking up around pick 15 or so, I really thought that we would have a shot at drafting Jeff Otah, a big tackle, Mendenhall, a fantastic RB, or Jenkins, the corner we got at 25. To me, Jones was an afterthought that I thought would be there at 28, but Otah went off the board, and here we were at 22, and the boys picked Jones.

At first I was a little pissed, with Mendenhall on the board, i thought you had to go there. After a few days later I am much more OK with this pick. Jones is the perfect complement to MB3. He is a fast, slasher, who likes to catch balls out of the back field and run around the edge, and he has the speed to do both of those things. The thing is that Barber is a much better pass blocker than Jones is so you can't really use him on third downs as a RB, but he gives you the option to flex him out wide and use him a WR. Kinda like how New Orleans trys to use Reggie Bush. I expect this guy to get about 15 touches a game to start out with, 8-11 carries, 3-5 passes, and 3-4 returns on punts.

Mike Jenkins CB South Florida - I can't believe we got this kid at 25. I would have been perfectly OK with taking him at 22, and then get what ever RB we could at 28, but when he fell all the way to 25, and we traded up to get him, that's some good moves. Jenkins could be the best corner in the draft. He isn't as physical as say Henry is, but he can cover man to man with his quickness and should be able to play this season against the slot. He is an extremely versatile player as well, and can jump into the safety slot if need be, and like a trend in this years off season, he can return kicks.

This gives the Cowboys, what might have been the biggest weakness last year, one of the best secondaries in the league. Newman is one of the best in the league, Henry is big and physical with bigger WR's, Jenkins can play the slot and help cover safety, Roy Williams is one of the better run stuffing safety's, and Ken Hamlen has the talent of a pro bowler. All these things and you add what Adam "Pac Man" Jones could bring to the table? Good lord we could have great pass defense this year.

Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M - This is the pick that most people are saying "What the fuck man," about this draft, but I love it. Its not because I've followed the Aggies since I was a kid(dad's alma mater), but because this guys gives something we didn't have last year, receiving options. Last season it was TO, and Witten. Sure a few good games here and there from Crayton, or Fasano, but it really was a 2 man show. HOWEVER, now with the pick up of Bennettt, and Felix Jones, we have some threats in the passing game other than our big boys.

At first it was strange to me too when we traded a TE that we picked in the second round for a 4th rounder, and then took TE in the second. Seams kinda strange. But just like the Felix Jones pick, I really started thinking about it and it made more and more since to me. While Bennett is not a good blocker, at all, He was the second most athletic player on the Aggie team last year. He can use his body (6'5'') to box out smaller defenders and make the catch with his good hands. You know who that sounds like? Antiono Gates. You know where that is useful? The Red Zone.

So with the first day picks the Boys can break huddle on offense with TO, Witten, Bennet, Barber, and Jones, then line up in the gun with TO out wide left, Bennett and Witten on the right side, Jones and Barber in the backfield with Romo. Then Jones can flex out to the left with TO. Who does the LB's and slot corner's guard? If you put the LB on Jones, he can fly right by you, if you put the slot corner on Bennett he can box him out for an easy 8 yard gain. Tony Romo must have been so excited from all this that gave Jessica the ol' Alabama Juice Box sat night.

Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH - Day 2's first pick is a depth pick. Choice is an inside runner that can spell MB3 if he gets hurt this year. Very much a "north-south" guy, who doesn't have breakaway speed, but is much more reliable than Tyson Thompson.

Orlando Scandrick CB BOISE STATE - This was a fantastic pick. Scandrick could have gone as early as the 2nd round, but he fell all the way to the 5th. He is raw and needs work, but he won't be asked to do much other than special teams duty next year.

Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE - Whats up Sunbelt! People say this is a reach, but hell its the 6th round. I don't know much about this guy except he played well against my Mean Green the past 2 years. Don't know if he is big enough for the 3-4 DE or fast enough for the 3-4 OLB. But again, he's a 6th rounder.

All and all this draft was much better 2-3 days later than it was when when I was listening to it. They defiantly filled 3 weaknesses of the team, RB, Secondary, Return guys. So that's a good thing. People are saying they didn't feel the WR need, and while they didn't really get a true WR, Jones and Bennett gives us a fantastic option to let Jason Garrett get all creative with his play calling. The only other thing they didn't really do was use a late pick or two to get some d-tackle depth.

Well now don't I sound like a cowboy homer?

I like the draft, and I liked how they moved. Well done.

Do it now, Cuban.

No, I'm not saying I'm going to accept 20-30 win seasons. What I'm saying is, this isn't going to work anymore.

You took a flyer on Jason Kidd, and it's safe to say that it isn't going to work.

Josh Howard can not be the second option on this team. Period. Neither can Jason Terry.

Jerry Stackhouse can't be relied on as the energy off the bench. It's not 2001 anymore.

As much as an Avery fan that I am, I just don't think he can do anymore here. He will be a successful coach elsewhere, just not here.

This isn't my losing faith in this team. This is me saying the season is over, and it's time to reevaluate. I already broke down what Donnie Nelson has done as GM. Maybe it's time to get rid of him too.

Something needs to change, because this squad just isn't getting it done. Kind of like Nellie's running with Dirk, Nash and Fin, this squad is great to watch, but is never going to do it. Players can be had and moves can be made.

As far as I'm concerned, listen to ALL OFFERS this off season. No one is protected. Actual fans will understand.

Draft quick hits

So, I had the duties on this blog of following the draft this weekend as Big was off on another soul-quest with his peyote and gin soaked Sherpa to guide him. However, I was jet lagged as possible and I know I missed a good portion of the draft while passed out on a couch.

Here's some buck shot for you on the draft:

• The interwebs and the information age has taken quite a bit away from the draft. It's great to know that the Dolphins already had a deal in place for Jake Long, but with a draft that had any of 5 guys as "possibly" the first pick, I'd like some suspense.
  
• Looking at what he did in New York, New England, New York and Dallas...I'd say Parcells knows what he's doing.
  
• Darren McFadden makes the Raiders the most gangsta ass team in the world: Jam Jam, DMC, DeAngelo Hall, Huggy Bear's kid,
  
• Matt Ryan, get ready for a Griese-esque career...Brian, that is. How does it feel knowing a team didn't draft you to be a leader, but to get the Mike Vick taste out of their mouths? All of Atlanta is going to hate him because he's a white guy "stealing" the job of their star black quarterback. That's just plain fact, ask Bear, he spends enough time in Atlanta.
  
• Two teams always confuse me: How do the Titans never draft receiver help for Young? How do the Bear never draft a quarterback?
• Washington committed robbery getting Devin Thomas AND Malcom Kelly.
  
• Martellus Bennett? I thought we traded Fasano because he didn't do shit. Why waste a 2nd rounder AGAIN!?
• Jamaal Charles is a great change of pace back with Larry Johnson. Matter of fact, KC might have had the best draft of all.
• Tom Zbikowski to the Ravens. I hate Notre Dame, but that was a GREAT pick to make.
  
• You'll see Brian Brohm starting for the Packers by Christmas.
  
• Hawaii is going to be awash in Maroon and Gold simply because they drafted Brennan.
  
• Was Tommy Blake a little too Demetrius Underwood for anyone to take a flyer on him?
  
• No real receiver threat for the Cowboys? Arizona picked up Early Doucet, watch for them to want to move Boldin.

Big and the Sherpa are your draft experts, so I'm sure they'll provide better insight than me when they come back down from the spirit realm, or whatever they call it.

Holy Crap

Man, this was one hell of a weekend.

First, The Mav's responded to Brown and I's plea's, and won a game Friday, but then reverted back to their old ways, and fell in game 4

The Dallas Stars won not not once,but twice!

There was a WWE PPV on sunday

Of course the NFL Draft, the best non game sports day(?) of the year, was fun.

All of this happened while I was getting drunk, stairing at college girls in skirts and boots, cooking over an open fire, and listing to the best Texas country music the world has to offer. That's right from Thursday to Sunday I was at the Larry Joe Taylor music fest.

This is alot of stuff to talk about, and my head is about to explode with everything I want to say. I don't know where I'll start, but expect much more from this non spelling, still hung over sumbitch today.

Well till i get to it all, here is the type of girl I got to look at all weekend long.

Yeehaw.