Big's Childhood, the movies.

As a request from a friend, who likes our writing, but isn't' that big a sports fan, I am introducing a new weekly blog about something other than sports. I don't have a fun name for it yet, but it will be posted here on Fridays for as long as I can remember to do it. This is a long one, so be warned.

I don't know what it is, it might be the list Brown posted earlier, or maybe the fact I hung out with my young niece's and nephews the other day, but I have been thinking about my childhood recently. Then last night, I watched a movie called "Sky High" yesterday, a decent movie that I think I would be really into if I was still 12, and thought to myself, "what were the biggest movies of my childhood?" So over today I have come up with a list, Its a top 11 list, of the most watched 11 movies of my childhood.

So let me start by qualifying a few things. First, I'm calling my childhood from the ages of 6-14 or so, cuz that's all my mind can remember, because its filled with hops and bong water. Second, I didn't really watch a whole hell of lot of movies, my family didn't go to the cinema much, and I was really into playing outside, video games, and sat morn cartoons. It my young young years I think I would rather watch an episode of Thundercats than some kids movie on Disney Channel.
And why 11? Cuz everybody else does just 10.

Honorable Mention - These are the movies that I thought of but didn't make the cut.

Only the Strong(1993) - As you will see from the following list, I loved Karate movies. OTS was the only movie I have ever seen about capoeira, a "dance" fighting style. I tried so damn hard to fight like this. It was great.

Krush Grove(1985) - You know its good, cuz the spelled krush with a K! This movie probably started my love of Hip Hop. Its about how Def Jam got started and all that Jazz. Run DMC, Fat Boys, New Edition, and Beastie Boys all played themselves.

Van Damme Movies - I went through a big JCVD faze. Kickboxer, Lionheart, Bloodsport, Street Fighter, all pretty much the same movie, but I loved them all.

Silvarado(1985) - Still to this day one of the top 3 westerns of all time. Cast was great, and this is the first movie on this list I watched with my dad.

Transformers(1986) - There were two groups of kids that were between the ages of 4-13 when this movie came out, Transformer lovers, and GI Joe head. I was a Joe head, but this movie was still a big player in my house.

All right now to the real list.

11. The Last Dragon(1985)


Holy crap. Here is the plot summery from IMDB : A young man searches for the "master" to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as the glow.

How bad ass does that sound? I remember when I first saw this movie. It came on after cartoons on Saturday morning sometime in 1988 or so. I was 7-8 years old, and was shocked that I had never heard of this movie before now. I quickly rushed out and told all my friends about it, and how bad ass Bruce Leeroy was, and how he got the "Glow," but nobody believed me. Nobody had ever seen it either.

I didn't know what it was called, The guy at Take One Video hadn't heard of it. It was like the great white wale of my childhood. I swear it was the best movie ever, but nobody believed it even existed.

Then one fateful day a year or two later, I came across it again on TV. This time I called some people, and those who could watch it still speak of its greatness today. Its was that damn fantastic.

10. Airborne (1993)

Simple story; Surfer guy has to move to Cleavland, where there is no beach. He gets bummed until his folks send him his Roller Blades! Now he falls for a chick who is the sister of his biggest bully, and he has to win a big roller blade race to get on his good side and win her heart!

Now who wouldn't love that movie? It had a lot of the things that a young Big wanted in his life, roller blade prowless, talked like a surfer, and he got chicks! That was what I wanted to be for a solid 2 years. Hell its better than a Trucker or a Wrestler, which is what I wanted to be when I was 4-9.

9. Footloose (1984)

Gayest movie on my list, by far, but till this day I can't not watch it if it comes on. Its like crack. You do it once, its not bad, then you do it again and its even better, before you know it, you know all the words to "lets hear it for the boys."

So lets just start a little sub list of my weird movie loves, so far we got Karate, Surffer/Rollerblade, and now we can add Dancing to the list. I love me some dance movies. I almost put in Breaking in my HM above, but didn't.

I wanted to be Ren McCormack(Kevin Bacon), and I wanted to fuck the shit out of Ariel Moore. She was one of the first "hey now" girls of my childhood.


In case you lived under a rock for the past 20 years, and you have never seen Footloose, the plot goes as such; New guy comes to town where no dancing is allowed, He wants to dance, Fights the preacher, Throws a dance.

I have a feeling this movie was brain washed in my head because I had 2 older sisters, who loved this kind of stuff, at least that's what I'm telling people.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Ahhh yes. This green VHS was worn out in my player over that summer that it came out. One of the more popular games we played as kids was Ninja Turtles. It said a lot about a person as to what turtle they wanted to be.

Michelangelo - A Crazy center of attention kinda guy, the popular kid.
Raphael - The rebel.
Leonardo - The Leader
Donatello - The quite, smart type.
Casey Jones - The crazy mother fucker who liked to "burn things."

I wanted to be Raphael, but I knew in my heart I would always be Donatello.

7. Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Looking back at it now, the first Rambo, the one in the city was a much better movie, but this one, the one in the jungle, was the one I watched countless times as a child.

I don't really know what happened to all the shoot em up, crazy solider movies, but as a kid I wanted nothing more than to have a bunch of guns, and shoot a bunch of bad guys. Now a days its all about using super powers, and electronics and such to beat the bad guys. Just shoot somebody already!

FBP2 was so money in every way for a you kid. No real love story, no real story at all, just a guy, killing bad guys, saving POW's, and then sticking it to his boss. That's what I'm talking about.

6. The Karate Kid (1984), The Karate Kidd II (1986)

I had to put these two together due to the fact that I can't remember which one I watched more. There wasn't anything better than pretending to do rock the crane kick, or the drum punches, when pretending to fight.

Looking back at it, there is no way this movie could happen in real life. What self respecting mother would let her child kick it with an old karate master from okanawa and not think something special was going on.


The Cobra Kia was the best bad guys ever to be in a movie.

Ever.

5. Top Gun (1986)

How can you get guys to watch a chick flick? Answer, include lots of air plane battles, a troubled soul who loses his best friend, and one Ice Man.

That's what Top Gun gave us. Don't get it twisted this is a chick flick. Boys finds girl, falls for girl, can't get girl, then gets girl. Its what all chick flicks are about. What sets this one apart is the fact that all men can identify with Mavrick.

Because of this movie every little boy, including me, wanted to be a jet fighter pilot, and play sand volleyball with no shirt on.

I watched this movie with my parents probably a hundred times. Its one of the few movies that we could all pop in and be entertained for 2 hours.

4. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

This had to be the first movie I ever saw in the Theater. I was a mear 2 or 3 years old, and it was greatness, one of my earliest movie memories. I almost just put all Star Wars together, but that wouldn't be fair to this one. Now a days I enjoy the second one more than the others, but this one was what I watched over and over as a kid.

Could it be Because of her?

No, i was too young to find that interesting.

Maybe cuz of all the black hero's, both clad and skin?

maybe. But I bet it was because of these guys.

Eeeehheetoya......BOOM

Yea, as a kid I loved the little guys.

3. The Program (1993)

OK, so first let me just say I had pretty cool parents. They let me watch just about anything that wasn't soft core porn, or anti-god. They had trust in me that I wouldn't talk like Eddie Murphy from 48 hours, or act as stupid as the kids from Animal House. They new I was a good kid that like sports, so when I, a 12-13 year old kid, asked if I could watch the Program, they were cool with it. And from that point, it was done.

Everything I did for the next 2 years was based on this movie. I would talk shit during football games the same way Alvin Mack did. I would pretend to be hooked on booze like Joe Cain. I wanted to bust my ass in school like Darnell Jefferson. It was a life style.

To this day we quote this movie. "Fuck you dough boy, I can read. See that shoe, it says Adidas." "You the motha fucka that got my baby sister pregnant. Haven't seen you around lately." "Because we all know, Cain is Able."

I could go on for hours, but you know what I'm saying.

2. Rocky IV (1985)


With out a doubt the best Rocky ever made. Great fights; Rocky vs. Drago.

Great quotes, "If he dies, he dies."

A person overcoming a loss of a friend.

The best training scene ever in a movie. Rocky in the woods, Drago doing roids.

And it single handled ended the cold war.

1. G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

As I said earlier, as a child you were either a GI Joe guy or a Transformers guy, as you can guess, I was a GI Joe head.

I don't know how many Joe's I had, but they were easily in the triple digits. I even had the special ordered Super Trooper, that you could only get with like 15 proof of purchases and 10 bucks. He was awesome.

This movie also merged two of my worlds. Joe's and wrestling with Sargent Slaughter. Needless to say I was like a pig in shit i was so happy.

The world was a better place when I was blue vs red lasers. There were no color barriers like Rambo, or sympathizing with the enemy, except you felt bad for Cobra Commander in the movie, but for the most part it was just good vs evil, and good always won.

Welp, that's this weeks non sports story, hope you enjoyed it. If you think I left something out, please, let me know.

The Brown Five - 2/08/08 - That's how timezones work

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Here we go with PETA again
Pedro Martinez and Juan Marichal were in the Dominican Republic last week, and they decided to take in a popular sport of their home country. Problem is, that popular sport happens to be cockfighting. Have we learned nothing from Mike Vick? Come on! Sure it's legal down there, but PETA will protest the scene from "The Great Outdoors" where John Candy shoots a bear in the ass. Fuck it, PETA is the issue here, not Pedro. I'd like to just start kicking a box labeled "kittens" around the lawn in front of the home office.

2) Brian McNamee saves needles
For seven fucking years. Really? Everyone is okay in believing that, but we don't want to believe the athletes? If I'm Clemens's lawyer, I just say "he admitted to receiving B-12 shots, and that's the remnants of those syringes. Any steroid residue has been added since the shot was given, and is consdered tampering and is inadmissable"

3) Watch Illinois and Indiana last night
Good game from a couple of rivals. What impressed me was when a certain Jeffrey Jordan hit a key overtime jumper to make things close for Illinois. You might remember Jeffrey's father, Michael. Pretty good basketball player. I'd like to submit a new nickname: Jeffrey "Heir" Jordan. Think about it.

4) Manning to Tyree listed as "greatest play ever in Super Bowl"
Yeah, I'm okay with that. In the 20 some odd years I've been watching them, it's the only one that has made me stand up and scream and ask all the stupid people who were still sitting down "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FROM MANNING?" only to get blank stares like I interrupted a bunch of serious conversations because they forgot it that a GOD DAMN FOOTBALL GAME WAS ON AND IT WASN'T A MOTHER FUCKING SOCIAL HOUR. What was my point again?

5) I wish this was a joke. I'm still hoping it is a joke.
Jesus Christ, let it go.

Go white boy, Go white boy, Go!

With National signing day the other day, here is a video of Sam McGuffie, a running back from Cypress (TX) Cy-Fair. I have no idea where that is, but this kid is special, and he's white. Not that that matters, but it should just be noted. Jonny Vag Pants should be excited he will be playing for the blue and gold next year.



Big ups to Gerry at uncle rico. Read him if your interested in Alabama football and how they did, or just an overview of NSD.

Why I think the Rangers will turn it around

It's no secret that I've been a Ranger fan since I began watching baseball as a kid. I never played the game, mainly because I sucked at it (I have the coordination of a retarded kid who also has muscular distrophy), but I sure watched it enough.

Anyway, a certain hall of fame pitcher and Texas legend has always been one of my favorite players, and now that man, Nolan Ryan, is the new president of your Texas Rangers.

Do I think he really knows a lot about the business end of running a baseball team? No.

Is this just a publicity stunt to get more fans at the ballpark? Yes.

Will Nolan go old school in the locker room and go "Robin Ventura" on one of the younger players in the locker room? I'm looking at you, Freddie Guzman.

Either way, I think Nolan being involved will help us as fans of this little team remember the glory years and cheer again without thinking of Hicks and Daniels general stupidity.

Don't get the Robin Ventura reference or just want to see it again? Ok...

The Brown Five - 2/7/08 - How do you like your breakfast taco?

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Nick Saban pulls off a coup
So, for the most part, America hates Nick Saban, right? Wrong. The man can recruit like a mother fucker in a very highly touted area of the country. 32 recruits including the nations number 4, 30, 38, and 55 ranked players as well as a quarterback who's first name is "Star". Does it mean they're going to win a title tomorrow? No. Does it mean that Alabama can come back to prominence in the SEC? Probably.

2) The Kevin Hart story is closer to Big's life than you think
Remember this? Kevin Hart makes a commitment to California. California and Tedford don't know what the hell he's talking about. Hart says he was duped and scammed out of money by a "recruiter". Turns out, Hart made the whole thing up. Fernley High School, Reno, Nevada...where dumb asses are born.

3) Shaq to Phoenix still confuses the world
But, hey, he promised Steve Nash he won't let him down. This is interesting to me for a few reasons. Shaq is making a step towards saying, "I know I'm not the guy here, you are. I'm supporting that." That's huge for Shaq. It also means that Shaq is pissed off, and he's going to take it out on Los Angeles, Dallas and any Eastern conference team that comes in his way. At least we get to see Dampier get abused over and over again.

4) Cassell to Boston? Uh oh.
You know what happens when a bunch of aging veterans try to tack on to the hot team with the hopes they might come away with a ring? Failure. See the Lakers with Payton and Malone. Is Cassell an upgrade over Rondo? Oh god yes. Will the Clippers just let him go? I don't think so.

5) Duke won on Tobacco Road last night
Lawson was mosing, and the Tar Heels just look slow and struggling all night, but you got to hand it to Greg Paulus for draining six three pointers last night. Duke let it rain from the three point line all night, and that made UNC's size advantage pretty useless.

It's so true

Ever since buying a Wii over Christmas, I've been thrown back in time to a point where I can download and play the old Nintendo games that I grew up playing as a youth in the shittiest little shit town in Texas.

I have never found a more comprehensive list of "HOLY FUCK! YOU NAILED IT" than this list right here:

Cracked.com's 10 Most Irritatingly Impossible Video Games

Congratulations, folks. I buried these feelings so long ago, and you and the Wii have dredged them up to where I lay on my floor rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

It still feels good

schadenfreude - (shahd-n-froi-duh) - noun - satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

Example: Brown is giggling because he feels schadenfreude towards Boston fans.

The Brown Five - 2/6/08 - Maybe the Suns can get Penny back too

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) The Heat are ecstatic, I'm scratching my head
If you haven't heard by now, the Suns and the Heat have made a deal: Marion and Banks for Shaq. This allows the Heat to dump Shaq's contract, get a complimentary point machine and stingy defensive player for Wade as well as a solid young point guard to replace White Chocolate. The Suns? They're trying to convince themselves that Shaq is going to give them the defensive presence they need in the middle and they can shift Amare to the 4 with Grant Hill backing him up. This was a bad move by Phoenix. I just don't think Shaq is worth it anymore.

2) The West is moving, yet the Mavs stand still
Okay. Gasol to the Lakers. Shaq to the Suns. Stoudamire to the Spurs. Durant coming into his own in Seattle. Paul on fire in New Orleans. Utah fusing. Portland gelling with Oden coming in next year. The Mavs? Holding on for dear life. I'm still not a fan of the Jason Kidd move, but come on. The Mavericks HAVE to make a move to get better. If you aren't moving to get better, you are only getting worse. You can't wait for the D-league All Stars to come into their own. Jones, Bass and Hassell aren't the fire power you need. I dont play with the trade machine, but do what you can to get an Artest-like player.

3) Signing Day has become quite a big deal now
It's always been a big day for those in college and in high school, but I don't ever remember it being such a big deal outside of that. Anyway, today is the day that high school studs sign at the school that has promised them the most pussy and cash. I'm always most impressed at how schools like Notre Dame that really hasn't been relevant in the past 5 years manages to swing one of the top classes annually. That Jesus, he sure has some reach.

4) Clemens has played his last card
By saying that he went in front of the Congressional lawyers and said that he didn't use steroids or growth hormone, then he's either seriously telling the truth or he's risking perjury and jailtime. This is not just going at a press conference or with Mike Wallace. No sir, these are the top and most powerful lawyers in the U.S. Government. It's made not only next week's public questioning that much more intriguing, but has made the testimony of Andy Pettite that much more curious. Is Pettite going to side with McNamee or Clemens? Someone is going to jail over this.

5) Baseball season is right around the corner, and I need a fresh taste in my mouth
2007 was weird, to say the least. Bonds getting THE record. Glavine got his 300th game. Biggio got his 3,000 hit. Thomas got his 500th homer. The Rockies had the almost Cinderella run, and the Red Sox kicked down the door for the insufferable Boston fan. What do we get this year? Well, keep posted and we'll be there all the way from April where the Rangers look like contenders to June where they will be 15 games out and re-loading for 2009.

You sorry SOB's

As I reported earlyer today, I annonced that I will be attending Texas A&M to fullfill a dream and play TE for them next year. But just like my buddy Kevin Hart It turns out I don't have a school anymore.

At first I was weary when a Fake Mike Sherman called me over the last few weeks to court me to his supple football bosom, but he soon had me hook line and sinker. So much so that I gave myself a cool football nick name, "Notorious," and asked everyone to race me as i was working on improving my foot speed.

It didn't bother me that I wasn't on rivals.com, or even mentioned in on the Aggie message boards. I knew that coach Sherman wanted me there, and we would dominate.

BUT, I just found out it was all a sham. The person I had been talking to the whole time was not Mike Sherman, but Brown, with a southern draw.

I am crushed.

I don't know what to do now.

At least I can go to Texas, Mack Brown still wants me.

***UPDATE: Mack Brown was the ManBearPig Tobey****

So if I'm a little down the next few days, you know why.

(read the two articles I linked and all this will make since)

Where I will be playing football next year.

Well, its a day before national signing day, and I am ready to make my commitment to where I will be playing football next year. I have been out of college for 3 years now, out of football for 10, but I have been keeping in shape. So while it was a surprise, it was not a total shock that new head coach Mike Shermen of the Texas A&M Aggies contacted me a few weeks ago, asking about my 40 time and how much I could bench 150Lbs.

At first I thought he was trying to get me to donate to my father's, not mine, Alma mater, but then he started asking me football questions. I taped one of the conversations and it went like this.

Coach -Hello son, This is Coach Sherman, I know its always been a dream of yours to play football for the Aggs, and I'm here to see if you want that dream to come true.

Big- Uhh, yea, but I'm 3 years out of college, I drink heavily, and smoke about half a pack a day.

Coach - I know, I've read your bio, but I was watching some game tape of you from 1995 and thought you showed real potential. That tape, plus reading this blog, I know you are a smart football person, and I'll be frank with you, I think we can mold you into the next great Aggie TE.

Big -This is a joke right?

Coach - no son its not. I'll be in touch.

And that was the end of it. I didn't think much of it till Mack Brown called me the other day. He asked me if I would like to play TE for the Horns next year.

Wow, My head was spinning. I had no idea that a 26 year old blogger could have his dream come true, but alas, I am going to play major D1 college football.

So just like my friend, Kevin Hart, who picked to go to Cal this week, after thinking long and hard, I'm going to pick to play for my fathers team, Texas A&M.

Gig Em!!

The Brown Five - 2/5/08 - Back in the saddle again.

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Eli and the Giants slay Goliath
Wow. I really can't add anything to the commentary that's already been given. So I'm just going to say, "wow". Attention Oakland, Jeremy Shockey now available. Attention Tiki, the little white guy laughing his ass off at you is Eli Manning.

2) Gregg Williams interviews for the Cowboys
Big disagrees with me, but I think this is way too many cooks in the defense's kitchen. Phillips, Campo, Stewart, Williams (maybe), Capers (maybe). That's a head coach, a coordinator, and three former head coaches on one defensive staff. Too many egos, and no one is going to check that. On the plus side, one of these guys has to make Roy Williams tradeable, right?

3) Seems like Devin Harris is more important than we thought
Without the burn and slash stylings of Devin Harris, the Mavericks have reverted to a jump shooting team, aka they suck again. Jason Terry is proving that he should not be a starter, as when he comes off the bench he is much more effective. Given the exposure that Harris is much more important than given credit for, would you still make the Kidd move?

4) Gasol to the Lakers, shit to the Grizzlies
That's all it took to get Pau Gasol? That's ALL??? No one else in the league could best that? REALLY? Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittendon and two draft picks? No wonder Kobe's playing happy like a pig in shit right now.

5) Bobby Knight retires
Make no mistake about it, Bobby Knight is the winningest coach in college basketball history. His impact on the game is greater than others, and his contribution to sports and sports talk is legendary. Anyone who attemppts to bring up Pat Summit deserves a swift kick to the crotch. Comparing women's basketball to men's basketball is like comparing high school football to the NFL. Same sport, leaps and bounds from the same thing.

Pats will win

I will be rooting for the Pats this weekend.

Two Reasons:
1. I fucking hate the Giants, and Eli, and everything the Osi shits on.
2. I believe in Santa. And he might be playing for the Pats.

Santa?

Interesting

I was poking around the WWL website yesterday and come across (making it sound like i "found" some hidden numbers on their site that nobody noticed before, but i just clicked a lot of links, probably thinking they were porn link, but I digress) some interesting numbers. Its one of those questionnaires I always find myself taking to burn time. Whats crazy is some of the numbers that over 400,000 votes. I'll explain after the results.

1) Which team will win the Super Bowl? 42.3% Patriots in a blowout

30.1% Giants in a close game
14.5% Patriots in a close game 13.1% Giants in a blowout 2) Which team are you rooting for? 50.8% Patriots
49.2% Giants

3) Has Tom Coughlin established his job security?

64.1% Yes
33.7% No, he'll have to win the Super Bowl
2.2% No, his job is still in jeopardy

4) Has Eli Manning shed the 'choker' label?

55.8% Yes
44.2% No

5) If the Patriots lose the Super Bowl, will their season be considered a disappointment?

50.3% No
49.7% Yes

6) Will Randy Moss (2 rec., 32 yards in two games) continue to struggle in the playoffs?

65.0% No
35.0% Yes

7) If you will not be in attendance, where will you watch the game?

80.9% At home
15.0% At a party
2.7% At a bar/restaurant
1.0% Probably won't watch
0.4% Travel to Arizona and watch somewhere

8) Will you watch the halftime performance by Tom Petty?

52.1% No
47.9% Yes

9) Which do you enjoy more about the Super Bowl?

92.5% The game
5.7% The commercials
1.8% The hype

10) Who will be telling us he's going to Disney World after the Super Bowl?

30.2% Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
23.6% Eli Manning, QB, Giants
20.1% Tedy Bruschi, LB, Patriots
10.0% Randy Moss, WR, Patriots
4.2% Michael Strahan, DE, Giants
2.8% Wes Welker, WR, Patriots
2.2% Plaxico Burress, WR, Giants
1.9% Someone else
1.8% Osi Umenyiora, DE, Giants
1.7% Laurence Maroney, RB, Patriots
0.7% Brandon Jacobs, RB, Giants
0.5% Amani Toomer, WR, Giants
0.4% Asante Samuel, CB, Patriots

Ok, lets look at the more interesting things that this says.

42.3% of the votes believed the Patriots would win in a blowout. Not a big surprise there

But 30.1% believe the Giants would win in a close game, while only 14.5%believe the Patriots would win in a close game. So half as many people believe that pats would win a close game?

Just over 50% believe the Pats season would still be successful if they loose. I don't agree with that at all. If you go 18-0 going into the Superbowl, then loose, You have failed.

and lastly, 20.1% of people think Tedy Bruschi, LB, Patriots will be the "I'm going to Disney World" commercial. What? Won't all those flashing lights give him a stroke or something?

Hooray!!!

Thank god for Deadspin

Allright, I'll give you my chips and half a sandwhich for your snack pack.

I'm a big video game fan. I'll wait for that to sink in. Now that you have gathered yourself from the shocking news that me, an out of shape, wrestling loving, single guy in his mid 20's likes video games, I'll move on. One of the coolest things to come with sports video games over the last 8 years in the Dynasty mode. It allows you to try and rebuild your favorite teams, sim games, and kinda see how you would fair as a GM. I know me winning 7 straight Superbowl's with my teams doesn't make me the best GM not to have a job, but its still fun to try and rock some trades.

All that tirade aside, over the last week or so, there have been several trade rumors pop up for my teams here in my fair berg, Dallas. Lets start with the most recent.

Brown alluded to it today, Jason Kidd isn't happy in New Jersey. Every year since I have been in Dallas, at some point during the season there is a Jason Kidd back to Dallas trade rumor. The NBA has a lot different things to look at when you talk trade, mainly is the salary's. Here is the two trades that involve the Mavs that have been floated out there.

Dallas
Jason Kidd
New Jersey
PG Jason Terry, SG Jerry Stackhouse, C DeSagana Diop

Bad trade. Dallas would be giving up 3 players that make a big difference in their line up, for a mid 30's PG who has maybe 2 years of bad ass b-ball left. New Jersey is getting a shoot first point who is 30, a bench scorer, and an up and down center. Neither team really wins here. The only way Dallas should do this is if they really feel they can win the west with this team, which I don't think they can with no center depth, no legit starting 2, and even WORSE shooting with their starting five. The only good thing with this trade is you get to keep Devin Harris and bring him off the bench as an energy guy.

Here is Kidd trade number 2. It involves Kidd to Dallas, and Harris to Portland, and them some spares to NJ. I can't seem to find a way to make it work out with the trade machine, but its out there.

This is one that is better for the Mavs. They give up a potential star PG for a legit superstar PG. They give up a guy who could be great over the next 7-10 years, for a guy who IS greatness for the next 2. The biggest problem is that you are give a very young, very talented team in Portland another puzzle piece, that could come back to haunt you for the next 10 years.

NEXT!

Now we move on to some Cowboy love.

There are 2 trade that are floating out there that we should address. One is a no brainer, the other one that will make you think. First the no brainer.

The Detroit Lions are scared that they have too many WR's (quit drafting them in the first round jack ass), so then WR Roy Williams won't resign with them after next year. So he is on the trading block, and supposedly all they want is a 2nd round draft pick for him.

For the life of me, I can't find a team that is in the NFL that wouldn't make that deal. I'm not saying that Roy is Randy Moss or anything, but he is a great WR that is young, and could become great. If I were running the Cowboys, I wouldn't get off the phone until that dofus of a GM in Detroit said yes to trading us Roy. Hell I would even give them one of the Boys #1.

The second trade is one with a little more tilt in it. Here is the trade

Dallas
#1 overall pick (D-Mac)
Miami
#22, #28 and Marion Barber

First off, this is a HUGE jump for the Cowboys. I don't know if this trade wouldn't even include next years 1 from Dallas, but for right now lets take it as is.

With that #1 pick you would have to take McFadden. So if you think McFadden is one of those game changers, then make the deal. If you don't (I don't) then you can't give up a possible 3 starters for one average guy, then its not a great deal.

So there is some trade rumors, stick it up.

The Brown Five - 1/30/08 - Soggy Corn Flakes

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1)Yes, Big touched on this, Santana is going to New York
But, he ain't going to be in pinstripes. Omar Minaya casted his sweet sweet Hispanic charms and managed to leverage the entire Mets future on winning now. This is good new for the Mets, though, as they need an ace (Pedro ain't coming back) and they need to show the fans they are going to change after the MASSIVE meltdown last year. With Dan Haren going to the NL as well, might the National league have some aces to challenge the AL?

2)Pettite to be the sole witness...against Clemens
I know, we thought they were the best of friends, right? Well, according to Brian McNamee's lawyers, Pettite is willing to give his sworn deposition that he was not alone in his HGH usage, and Clemens was right there with him. Oh and snap.

3)Mexicans at Media Day
I'm all for the funny bits, but this is probably not going to help Arizonians change their mind about illegal immigration. Media Day at the Super Bowl has never been a serious thing, but when the Mexican television stations are sending gorgeous women to propose to players and a dude with a puppet that isn't a dog named Triumph, it's more of a beatdown than anything else.

4)LeBron wants Jason Kidd
Okaaay, how exactly does he plan on doing that? The Cavs can't afford him and with the cap rules as they are, they'll have to trade away a few players including starters. I'm pretty sure Kidd would just stay in Jersey.

5)The Texans might could use another linebacker...

Super Bowl Week JO

Whats the best part of the Superbowl? The purest might say its the game, but that usually sucks. The casual fan will say its the party, but that beats us down since I don't think me, nor brown has really watched a Superbowl in like 7 years because of the party. The non sports fan will go with the commercials, but to be honest, we can see all of the "good ones" the next day online. So what truly is the best part of a Superbowl? Well unless you are the lucky few who really root for one of the teams, the best part might be gambling. I'm not talking under over or point spreads. No no no. Only the mexican hippie, and other compulsive people care about that stuff.

I'm talking about the greatness of prop bets. Two of the more prominent sports betting sites bogdog, and BetUS, have come up with some great ones.

We will start with the Game Presentation.

How Many Times will Joe Buck mention Peyton Manning's name during the Broadcast?
Over 5.5 (-125)
Under 5.5 (-115)

How many times will Archie Manning be shown on the TV Broadcast?
Over 4.5 (-150)
Under 4.5 (+110)

Will the entire Fox pre-game team pick the Patriots to win the Super Bowl?
Yes -180
No +140

Give me over 5.5, under 4.5 and no.

Things having to do with the game/post game.

Who will the MVP of the Game thank first?

Teammates, 2:1
God, 5:2
Family, 2:1
Coach, 5:1
Doesn't thank anyone, 6:1

I'm going with God.

Colour of liquid winning Head Coach is doused in

Transparent +400
Green +500
Yellow +300
Orange +125
Red +300
Blue +1000
Purple +1600

I'm going with a slight underdog here, and saying blue.

Now my two fav's, having to do with the entertainment.

How long will it take Jordin Sparks to sing the National anthem?

Over 1m42s (-115)
Under 1m 42s (-115)

This one is free money. There is no WAY she does it in under 1m 42sec.

Tom Petty Props

Tom Petty...
smokes a joint during half time show +2500
has a wardrobe malfunction +10000
streaks field during play +50000
will smash a guitar onstage +5000
will curse during performance +8000

One question, how is smoking a joint the fav here? I would think he has a better chance at cursing, but that just me.

So there is some fun bets. Have a good hump day.

MLB Trade

I'm not going to pretend to know anything about baseball. ANYTHING. But i know this is a big deal. One of the better guys who stands on the dirt mound in the middle of the bases Johan Santana, was traded to the Mets a little while ago. TBL has the story here. So if you want to know more, go there.

P.S. I was upset to find out that he wasn't the guy who played guitar with Wyclef Jean.

The Brown Five - 1/29/08 - Media Day!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Eva Longoria says what we all know.
Tony Parker's wife, you know, Eva Longoria, have you heard of her? Yes, well she told the media that Parker often fakes, flops and exaggerates fouls on the court. This really isn't news because, well, we all know Tony's a flopper...not quite at Manu's level, but a flopper none the less. This story is big because it's the first step down the "Jackie and Doug Christie" road.

2) Stop me if you've heard this one before
Chris Webber is going to play for Don Nelson and the Golden State Warriors, and Chris Mullin is calling the shots. Let me guess, you just checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't 1996. I really don't have anything to say on top of this, but I certainly dont think it should be overlooked.

3) Given the shape of the West, can people wait until March and April to charge?
Teams like San Antonio and Los Angeles are always there, but they never run away the entire season. As accomplished post season teams, they usually turn on and shift to high gear towards the end and put together a string of victories to get their seed in the playoffs. However, given the state of the West this year and the unbelievably high win counts that teams have, is it possible that the late blooming, "we'll hit our stride later" teams can miss the playoffs? Think about it...

4) Bedard to Seattle.
The Orioles haven't completely signed off on this, but mark this up as another "Rangers get shat on" moment in the season. The Rangers have enough trouble facing this dude twice a year, and now he'll be in Seattle. Fan-fucking-tastic.

5) There's a football game on Sunday? Really?
Today's media day. Goofy hijinks abound!!! Can someone please ask Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau how they'd feel if the league implemented an HGH test effective tomorrow?

Super Bowl Week JO

All right I know its already Tuesday, but this week, I am going to bring you some of the crazy shit that goes down during the most over hyped week of the year, Superbowl week.

Today I bring you a blast from the past. Don't you remember a time where you could wake up on a Saturday morning, turn on your TV, fiddle with your NES for awhile, and just see if you can make one play last an entire half? Of course I'm talking about tecmo super bowl. The greatest football game ever made. It was simple, yet it was complex. It was the wave of the future, yet somehow had an old school vibe. Well of all the crazyness that comes with Superbowl week, I would like to introduce you to a site that dedicated to the old school tecmo feel, armchairgm.com

These guys have done what I thought couldn't be done. They have "updated" their rosters on 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl, to the current day rosters. No more Phill Sims, now its Eli Manning. And they didn't just change the names, no no, that would be too easy. They changed all the attributes as well. FANTASTIC. This is straight from their site, and straight from their simulator. Enjoy the Super (tecmo) Bowl.

First Half


2nd Half

Thought of the day...

Does anyone else think that Emmitt Smith's commentary on football sounds a lot like the old prison character that Damon Wayans did on "In Living Color"?

You know, the one who switched out seemingly normal words and substituted them for something outlandishly ridiculous?

Am I the only one who thinks that?

The Brown Five - 1/28/08 - Cena lives!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Tiger is the greatest
Tiger Woods has this ability to make the rest of the golf world look like a bunch of weekend hackers out for a stroll on the same course. He won the Buick this past weekend by 8 strokes, and that was him letting off the gas on Sunday. It's a pretty shocking thing when you realize how good the rest of the players are and how bad Tiger makes them look. Guys can barely break off the Nike Tour or the Hot Shots Tour and make it through Q school because they're just not good enough for a PGA card.

2) LeBron v Kobe...
There's a lovely argument about who's the best player in the NBA, and for the most part, you've got two camps: LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. So far, Bryant and his Lakers have dropped five in a row against LeBron and his Cavaliers. I think Kobe's a better player, because he seems to do it night in and night out. LeBron just seems to take a night off too often for me to be comforttable.

3) The Birdman attempts to make his return
Chris Andersen has applied for reinstatement into the NBA. Today's the day in New York where Dave Stern makes the call. He's apparently spent his two years off training and keeping in shape, but without the constants competition of the NBA, you have to wonder how sharp his skills really are.

4) Rumor that sets my Cowboy weenie crazy
"Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is on the trading block, and Detroit might just want a second-round pick in return" Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. You should do it without question and reap the benefits. For God's sake, not to liken him to Moss, but this is just like the Pats getting their star for a fourth rounder. The "real" Roy Williams is just what this team needs, and that allows them to use one of those first rounders as trade bait or to flush out the secondary.

5) This guy is a Ranger, and it might be interesting...
Read this story on Josh Hamilton, and let me know what you think about it.

Live! From MSG via Dallas, TX: The Royal Rumble

Here we are, the 21st annual Royal Rumble.

Key: (Bi) = Big, (Br) = Brown

Opening match: a 90 year old Ric Flair vs. MVP
Br - Ric Flair looks TERRIBLE in HD. I hope I look that good in 60 years.
Bi - He's been wrestling since 1966. Good. Lord.
Br - Here comes MVP. Not quite like wrestling Jesus, but Flair's going to have to manage.

Br - Anyone surprised the crowd isn't getting into this? Me either.

Ric Flair makes MVP tap to the figure 4!!
Bi - I give that match a 2 out of 5
Br - The match is over! I'm so happy!!

Intercession: Video with Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle
Br - Nothing really of substance, until it dawned on me that Hornswoggle is basically an Irish Mr. Peepers.

Br - Wait, Mike Adamle is now broadcasting for the WWE. Hulk Hogan is broadcasting for American Gladiators. Mike Adamle is broadcasting for the WWE. Let that sink in.

Next match: Jericho vs JBL

Bi - The promo didn't have Y2J's monday rant at all. Don't know what that means, but it means something.
Br - I hope they start a bitch tits chant for JBL

Bi- Did Y2J just siccor the ropes?
Br- i believe he did.
Bi - Somewhere a lesbian is pissed that they "stole" something else.

Bi- Just want it to be said, the RAW guys calling the match, much better than smackdown.

Br - We have our first blood of the night, with JBL cutting Y2J. Now I'm Randy.

Br - great its that time of the month for Y2J's face
Bi - Nice.

Jericho hits the crap out of JBL with a chair and gets DQ'd. Now he's going crazy with the chair, and now he's getting a TV Cable, and is going after JBL.

Br - is Jericho goin' to have to choke a bitch.
Bi - Well it does not look like this feud is over. So much for Y2J being in the main event of WrestleMania.

Video Intercession: Santino Marella and Ashley
Br - We get it, Maria is going to be in Playboy. Can we just see her naked?

Next Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio Jr. - For the WCW Championship/World Championship Belt
Br - So, Vicky Guerrero is "with" Edge. No one finds this remotely inappropriate given the whole death of Eddy Guerrero? I know it was a year ago, but...why don't we just have a story line where someone hangs themselves with a weight set.

Bi - You think Edge could ever turn face?
Br - Nope
Bi - Okay

Br - Rey Mysterio has a SharkBoy mask on. Wait, that's the Gladiator mask from that movie with Russell Crowe...what was it?
Bi - "A Beautiful Mind"
Br - Die.

Br - I'm going to get a tattoo like Mysterio, but mine will say "Indian" and under my belly button, it'll have to say "Dot, not feather" so no one gets confused.

Br - Another botched move. That's two tonight. Jeff Hardy is going to die tonight pulling an Owen Hart.
Bi - I hope not
Br - People die in threes: The kid from "The Client", Heath Ledger...AND?????
Bi - What is wrong with you?
Br - Nothing, I don't want anyone to die...except for maybe Orville Redenbacher
Bi - He's already dead
Br - Sweet.

Br - Rey Mysterio did this really cool roll outside of the ring. Now the ref has ejected some guys named "Hawkins" and "Ryder". Umm...right.

Bi - Edge just kicked Rey Mysterio's knee, it looked bad. Not really bad, but pro wrestling bad.
Bi - The HD sound allows you to hear the wrestler's struggling. Sounds like a pig. WEE! WEE!

Bi - Edge is taking Mysterio's knee brace off. Yes it's legal, Coach. Come on.

Rey with a near fall off a wicked kick to the face of Edge. Another near fall with a monkey flip. This obviously means he's going to lose.

Bi - Did he just jump off the rope and stomp on Edge's belly? What the hell? Weird.
Br - Yes. Very weird. Almost...yes, it was weird.

Big boot to Rey's face from Edge. Edge sets up for the spear. Mysterio avoids it and hits the 619. Rey hits a splash. Vicky Guerrero breaks the count. Rey argues with her, avoids the spear. He 619's both Vicky and Edge. Edge just caught Rey mid-air with a spear!!!!! Edge wins.

Br's girlfriend - That's what you get for hitting a woman, no matter how bad she deserves it.
Bi - Michael Cole is a douche.

Video intercession: Ric Flair and Ken Kennedy
Everyone in the room just reacted to the fact Flair is walking out of the shower. Gross.
Shawn Michaels showed up to be funny.
Br - Yay! Shawn Michaels!
Bi - So gay. So, so gay.
Batista shows up. Triple H shows up.
Bi - No one's bothered by the fact Flair has no pants on.
Triple H just said, put your pants on.
Br - Shawn Michaels is shilling his merchandise. He's been relegated to tthe mid-card comedy act. I'm not sure if that's sad or not

Live Intercession: Maria's kiss-cam
Bi - What did she just say?
Br - I don't know.
Br - This is going to be a beat down. The girl won't kiss the guido guy. Funny.
Bi - Was that Joey Fatone?
Br - Skater guy's girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him. Very emo.
Bi - I bet that was his sister. Oooh! Here comes Ashley. I love her.
Br - Ten bucks says she offers Playboy.

She offers Maria a Playboy shoot.

Br - Called it. HERE COMES SANTINO!!!! Comedy!
Bi - He has a ghost or something with him. What the hell is going on?
Br - Santino is mocking the Yankees, Mets and Rangers. He calls out the fact the Giants are from New Jersey. This guy is bad ass. I hope Osi Umenyiora takes a shit on him.

New York is doing a "Let's Go Giants" chant.

Bi - (Not saying anything, just has his hands in the air and his mouth open)
Br - Santino is fucking hilarious. The thing in a black sheet is getting into the ring. It's a fat guy with a Patriots logo on his stomach and a "19-0" thong.
Bi - I'm uncomfortable.
Br's girlfriend - He has a tramp stamp!
Br - That's what you noticed?

Wrestlemania commercial! It's got Kelly Kelly. Woo hoo

Br - Mike Adamle!!!!
Bi - HA! HA!
Br - He just called him "Jeff Harvey". This makes me happy. He's as bad as Hogan is on American Gladiators. I'm waiting for a "brother" somewhere.

Next Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Champsionship

Promo's RKO first, then Hardy's.

Bi - I really hope hardy comes out on top. I always thought he was a fantastic wrestler
Br - He won't, but i bet he wins it before WrestleMania.

Bi - Holy shit, a guy was wearing a jeff hardy arm thingie's and a half shirt, with his chest painted for Hardy. New Yorkers are effin crazy.

Br - What is goin on right now? They are just rolling around the ring, I can't understand what people are saying.
Bi - Cats and dogs, living together!

Br- Feel the wrath of Orten Tant!

Br - Wow, Hardy just baseball slided orten into the wall, then jumped over the ropes again! Crazy ass!
Bi - RKO looks like he wants to just walk out, I don't know if i would like that.

Br - Do something crazy!
Bi - Don't get hat gun up if you don't use it!
Br - He missed the moonsault! Thats the third fuck up tonight!

RKO! Hardy tried to do that DDT thing, but Orton reversed it to the RKO, and scored a clean pin.

Br - A Clean pin? Thats it?
Bi - Lame. All that build up for that match where Hardy didn't do anything crazy, and Orton didn't cheat to win? That sucks
Br - The Rumble better be bad ass, cuz this PPV has sucked. I'm talking return of Big Show...
Bi - John Cena...
Br - yea, fuck it bring back DDP!
Bi - Self High Five!

Now we get to see the "numbers" promo for the rumble agian. That makes 3 times.

Next Match: The Royal Rumble
Br - Michael Buffer is going to announce the start of the Rumble. How appropriate. AND BORING.

First entrant - The Undertaker
Bi - Wow, they're starting with Taker.
Br - Apparently, he won this last year. There you go.

Second entrant - Shawn Michaels
Bi - Weren't they the last two last year? Interesting start.
Br - Crowd's falling asleep, they need a spark.

And we begin...

The bell rings and the Undertaker assumes a boxing stance and starts advancing towards HBK.

Bi - What the fuck? Taker's a boxer now?

HBK is getting his bell rung and he's hanging on the outside of the ring. Undertaker catches him with a throat lock.

ENTRANCE! Santino Marella

Santino just got super kicked.

Bi - (Laughing) That's fantastic!

ELIMINATION: Santino Marella

Still just Undertaker and HBK...fighting

ENTRANCE! The Great Khali

Br - Represent for the Motherland, dude!
Bi - I hope he gets knocked out immediately

Undertaker starts beating Khali, Khali puts him down with a chop.

Bi - It was just a chop!!! COME ON!

The crowd begins chanting: "You Can't Wrestle!" to the Great Khali. Khali and Taker have each other in a throat lock.

ELIMINATION: The Great Khali

ENTRANCE! Hardcore Holly

Bi - No "Spark Plug", I'm disappointed.

Three wrestlers going at it in the ring.

Bi - The Undertaker is carrying the entire match right now.

Undertaker trying to eliminate HBK, Holly stops him.

ENTRANCE! John Morrison

Morrison attacks Undertaker right away. Morrison is avoiding Undertaker at all costs now. Morrison holds the top rope and flips back to avoid elimination. HBK goes to the top rope, and delivers a flying elbow!

ENTRANCE! Tommy Dreamer

Bi - Dreamer could have been something-
Br - He's way too old and beaten down.

Crowd is chanting something that is not understandable.

ENTRANCE! Batista

Br - They're bringing out all the big guns now

Predictably, spinebusters, clotheslines and irish whips from Batista.

ELIMINATION: Dreamer

Spear from Batista. Really, how in the hell is this guy not being tested positive for steroids? He's like a bad Popeye imitation.

ENTRANCE! Hornswoggle

Big called this one. He's happy to see the leprechaun.

Everyone stops to look at him, and Hornswoggle crawls under the ring. King called him "Horny". Giggle.

ENTRANCE! Chuck Palumbo

No one knows who this is. He looks like small Batista with hair. Six people in the ring, one under it. Morrison and HBK have both done versions of the "grab the top rope and flip back" move.

ENTRANCE! Jamie Noble

Noble has his torso wrapped in bandages and tape. Apparently him and Palumbo have some kind of heat between each other. Who watches Smackdown? Really? Seriously, Big and who else?

ELIMINATION: Jamie Noble

Br - That was quick....and gay

Hornswoggle is still under the ring...

ENTRANCE! CM Punk

CM Punk comes in kicking ass by kneeing everyone in the face. He just got laid the fuck out by Undertaker with a clothesline. HBK looks like he's almost dead. Right on par with his usual performance.

ELIMINATION: Chuck Palumbo

ENTRANCE! Cody Rhodes

Br - Gay. Gay. Gay.

CM Punk almost eliminated by Cody Rhodes. That would make Brown mad.

Bi - "One of these guys is not like the other one"
Br - They're wrestlers, you idiot.

HBK is busted open. I just noticed. Sue me.

ENTRANCE! Umaga

Br's girlfriend - Yay, that guy's fun.
Br - Shut up and get in the kitchen, fix me a turkey pot pie.

ELIMINATION - Hardcore Holly

Umaga is wearing red pants and looks like the Kool-Aid man. Umaga just slammed his ass in Batista's face. Gross.

ENTRANCE! Snitsky

Br - Ugliest man on the planet.
Bi - Gonnorhea!

Snitsky is kicking ass, the world keeps on moving. Rhodes takes a risk, and doesn't eliminate anyone.

ENTRANCE! The Miz

Bi - Please ge waxed, quickly.
Br - Really, who is this guy?

The Miz and Morrison are targeting CM Punk. Batista is fighting HBK. Undertaker and Umaga. Snitsky and Rhodes. Hornswoggle and wires under the ring. Umaga almost gets eliminated.

ENTRANCE! Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin does a crazy move.

ELIMINATION: Shelton Benjamin

Br - Well, that was a nice super kick by HBK.
Bi - So much for my dark horse.

ENTRANCE! Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka

Big and Brown - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Bi - Wow, he's seen better days. I hope he gets eliminated soon.
Br - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Everyone is scared to touch him for fear of killing him. He looks terrible because he's like 100 years old and in HD. God damn.

ENTRANCE! Rowdy Roddy Piper

Bi - What the hell is going on? He looks the same, but he has a gut now.
Br - When did it become 1988 instead of 2008?

Piper is pointing at Snuka. It's Piper versus Snuka! Oh my god! Everyone has stopped fighting to watch these two fight. CM Punk is laughing and Morrison kicked him the gut.

ENTRANCE! Kane

Back to normal, I guess.

ELIMINATION: Piper
ELIMINATION: Snuka

Thank God for Kane. So good of him to eliminate those guys. I'm sure they needed to be wheeled out. Snuka is walking off in disdain. Undertaker sizing up Kane, but turns around to chokeslam HBK

ENTRANCE! Carlito

He immediately spits in Rhodes's face. Carlito does the backstabber on CM Punk. Rhods bulldogs Carlito. Snitsky and Undertaker. Kane and Umaga.

ENTRANCE! Mick Foley

Big called it. Mick Foley has a Snuka shirt on and his Cactus Jack shirt on. Okaaaay. Umaga just does huge Samoan drop on Undertaker.

ENTRANCE! Kennedy

Kennedy got a big pop...that's not supposed to happen, he's a heel. Do I see a face turn in his future? Maybe. Kennedy just destroyed Rhodes with a boot to the face. Kennedy is kicking ass all over the place. Undertaker sits up, Kennedy kicks him in the face. Undertaker grabs Kennedy with a choke hold, and choke slams Kennedy. Undertaker is working on his second wind. The ring is littered with bodies right now.

ENTRANCE! Big Daddy V

ELIMINATION: Snitsky
ELIMINATION: Undertaker
ELIMINATION: Shawn Michaels

Undertaker and HBK and Snitsky are fighting outside of the ring now. HBK is running around the ring, and he gets bumped by a camera. Undertaker just broke a table with Snitsky because he was pissed. STEROIDS! Cody Rhodes does the flip thing.

ENTRANCE! Mark Henry

Hornswoggle crawled out and pulls on Miz's hands

ELIMINATION: The Miz

Hornswoggle crawls back under the ring.

Bi - Big Daddy V is grabbing some dude's taint, that's wrong.

ENTRANCE! Chavo Guerrero

How is this guy a champ? That's not right. CM Punk goes right after Chavo.

ELIMINATION: John Morrison

The amount of guys who are doing the flip back over the rope thing doesn't count. Hornswoggle gets pulled into the ring by Mark Henry. Finlay just runs into the ring with his stick, before the clock. He grabs Hornswoggle and slides back under the ropes with the midget and walks away. I'm not sure if anyone was really eliminated here. I'm so confused. What the hell happened?

Bi - I hate Jonathan Coachman

Finlay was disqualified because he used a stick as a weapon. Okay. What about Hornswoggle?
ENTRANCE! Finlay
ELIMINATION: Finlay

ENTRANCE! Elijah Burke

Batista is outside the ring, but no one knows if he is eliminated or not

ELIMINATION: CM Punk

Batista is not eliminated, he just slid under the rope.

ENTRANCE! Triple H

The new favorite has entered the ring.

ELIMINATION: Cody Rhodes

Triple H is cleaning house.

ELIMINATION: Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Mick Foley
ELIMINATION: Elijah Burke

Chavo and Carlito. Umaga and Kane. Kennedy and Mark Henry. Triple H and everyone. Pedigree from Triple H on Umaga.

FINAL ENTRANCE! John Cena

Big is celebrating. Apparently he healed from a torn pec much faster than expected. This is a HUGE pop from the crowd. No real surprise. Wow. John Cena is back! Forget Triple H as the favorite, Cena is the new favorite.

ELIMINATION: Carlito
ELIMINATION: Chavo
ELIMINATION: Mark Henry

Cena and Triple H are facing off in the middle of the ring. Cena is much smaller, both surgery and less steroids. Cena and Triple H. Punch for punch.

ELIMINATION: Kennedy

Batista is back at it.

ELIMINATION: Umaga
ELIMINATION: Kane

Down to three, Batista, Triple H and Cena. Cena just gave a "Holy Shit" because it's two on one, basically. Batista gives the thumbs down. Cena gives the "you can't see me". Triple H does the DX chop. Fightin' time. Double clothesline from Batista.

Jim Ross: Power! Velocity! Intensity!
Michael Cole: Timing!
Br - What the fuck!?!?

ELIMINATION: Batista

Down to Cena and Triple H. Who's going to Wrestlemania?

Bi - Please don't type that I laughed like a little girl.
Br - I hope that doesn't count.

They're both faces, so it can go either way against Orton. We'd say this is Triple H's guarantee, but the showing up of Cena totally changed things. Storyline works either way.

Trading shots in the middle of the ring. Cena body slams Triple H. Five knuckle shuffle from Cena.

Bi - It still bothers me that he wears jorts.

Triple H counters the F-U. Cena counters the pedigree. Double clothesline, both men are down. Cena tries the FU over the rope. Triple H fights it off. Big DDT From Triple H. Cena fights off an elimination.

ELIMINATION: Triple H

Cena wins the Royal Rumble. Cena will go to Wrestlemania and vie for the championship.

Bi - Cena just pointed to his pec and gave the "okay" sign. Riiight.

Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

Thanks for joining us. See you next week.

I don't buy popular shoes, do you?

From TrueHoop:

A guy walked past the Foot Action by the Garden and asks, "What are you guys doing here?"

One of the sneakerheads answers: "Waiting for the new Air Jordans." And shows him a pair of the shoes.

Guy says: "I don't get it."

Sneakerhead, with disdain in his voice: "We know. That's why you're over there."

Okay, I was never that big into shoes, let alone into Jordans. What really confuses me is how big a phenomenon this is. Just what in the hell do you need to do with $200 sneakers?? Unless they are truly going to make me play like Jordan, which they won't, what do they provide that I can't get with a pair of cheaper shoes that I can replace every 6 months or so?

Honestly, there is a list of priorities in life, and I don't think "fly ass kicks" are on that list.

The Brown Five - 1/25/08 - I've been casted in Powder 2: Powderier

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Federer loses! Federer loses!
Novak Djokovic, the comedian with a bomb for a serve, has dethroned the "Invincible One", in straight sets no less. 7-5,6-3, 7-6 (5). People complain that guys like Federer make tennis unwatchable because it's a guarantee that he will win. The only guarantee that he has in on grass, very Sampras-esque. Hard courts are the real test of a tennis player because it's as even keel as it gets, no speed advantage like grass and no spin advantage like clay.

2) Shaq retiring? I dont think so.
The rumors are abound that Shaq, more injury plagued then ever, is going to retire this year. The Heat would love that beacuse his salary would completely come off their books and allow them to start rebuilding tomorrow. The real question is, who in their right mind leaves $40 million on the table? Shaq's due to make $20 each year for the next two years as long as he's on the roster. He's in complete Alan Houston territory now.

3) All Star Starters. Snub-City
In the West? You'd think I'd say that Dirk's the biggest snub, but I'm going to have to go with Chris Paul. First of all, the Hornets have the best record in the West (shocking enough), but I've already argued he's one of the best pure point guards in the league with Nash, Kidd and Deron Williams. I don't agree with Allen Iverson as a starter. You can argue Dwyane Wade up and down in the East, but there is no way he is more deserving than Billups or Joe Johnson.

4) Rudy Gay is asking you what he should do
I'm not sure if this is Stern's idea of bringing the dunk contest to the fans, but Rudy Gay is inviting other basketball players across world to tell him what kind of dunk he needs to do to win the contest during All Star Weekend. Demonstrate your best dunk on YouTube.com (www.youtube.com/rudygay22slamdunk). I'm going to screen capture some stuff off of NBA Jam from Sega Genesis and submit it. If he can light a fire on the ball and jump from the free throw line and do a 540 and then dunk...wow.

5) Reminder for Sunday...
Join us at 7pm on Sunday for a live blog of the WWE Royal Rumble. Here's what I can guarantee:

-Obscure 80's and 90's movie references from Blogador (he'll put Simmons to shame)
-Terrible misspellings from Big
-Untimely Heath Ledger jokes from me.

Forecasting the Rumble...

A professional wrestling pay-per-view is upon us this Sunday, The Royal Rumble. Second only to Wrestlemania, this event is huge because it kicks off the year and starts/advances all plot lines to end at Wrestlemania.

We’ve made no secret that we here at TB&TB are huge pro wrestling fans, to the point where we got a secret insider to write wrestling columns for us. In fact, we’d ask that you, the sexy reader, join us on Sunday night for a live blog of the Royal Rumble event.

You can check the card yourself at WWE.com, but the main thing that we are interested in is the biggest draw, the Rumble itself. A 30 man, over-the-top battle that gives the winner a chance to have a shot at any title belt he chooses at Wrestlemania.

To preview that event, we’ve taken the 21 listed wrestlers (so far) and broken down our thoughts and chances for each guy. Those 9 other spots are usually filled with the normal jobbers and/or old school gimmick guys, so we’ve included who we’d like to see in that gimmick role.

Enjoy…

Umaga

• Big: Because the guy is one hell of a worker, he will last a long time, probably early, but no chance.
• Samoan for Final 4, but not your winner
• Brown: Oh, he’ll scream and he’ll stomp and he’ll gorilla press a few smaller dudes out. Outside of that? Forget it.
  

Snitsky

• Big: Remember when this guy had a rat tail and a goatee? No? Nevermind.
• Blogador: Backzitsky no winksy da rumblsky
• Brown: Uh, this dude was in an angle where he was licking Mae Young’s feet. Now his teeth are yellow. Gonorrhea strikes again. He can’t win with an STD.

Hardcore Holly

• Big: I've still got my fingers crossed he comes out as "Spark Plug."
• Blogador: Name would be better for an adult film star now, trying to carry Cody Rhodth, I mean Rhodes, it’s not much of a career
• Brown: If I had to guess, he’ll get eliminated by his tag team partner and start a whole deal with Cody Rhodes where Dusty Rhodes gets involved.
  

The Miz

• Blogador: This a true story of when you put 30 people in a ring and peole stop being polite and start being real, and nobody cares about The Miz
• Big: You think the people in the Real World, Road Rules challenge look at this guy as a joke now? Wouldn't that be the ultimate pot calling the kettle?
• Brown: Both Blogador and Big watch the Real World and Road Rules. GAY! Who is this guy? He can’t win anything.

John Morrison

• Big: I would be ok with this guy winning if, and only if, he rocks the whole fur coat the whole time.
• Blogador: He picked the right rock star to steal a gimmick from. Still not the right gimmick so he's not winning, maybe Final 8.
• Brown: The super-athletic guys, not named Shawn Michaels, never win because they’re stupid enough to try top rope gimmicks and get pushed off the turnbuckle.

Hornswoggle

• Big: I'd love to two guys take turns trying to field goal kick him out of the ring, but each time the other guy "Charlie Brown’s" the kicker. I would watch that for about 2 min.
• Blogador: Hopefully we'll see a funny bit where he gets squished between the wide backsides of Umaga and Mic Foley and he turns paper thin and looks like a fathead and gets slid over the top rope.
• Brown: There’s nothing offensive about a midget leprechaun with a dirty face who dances Irish jigs, is there? Nope. If a leprechaun wins this, WWE has done a Lambeau Leap over the shark for the last time.

Mick Foley

• Big: He is my sleeper. I bet he wants just one more major push before he walks away from the game completely.
• Blogador: Though I am the imaginary child of he and Rey Mysterio, Jr. and would love to see him win it won't happen. Him participating the Royal Rumble will be similar to an old QB playing at home throwing an INT in OT in the NFC Championship.
• Brown: How is this not in the gimmick section? Mick Foley hasn’t been relevant since The Rock retired. Does that mean the Rock is coming back? Gotta promote “The Gameplan” don’t you, Duane?
  

Batista

• Big: #3 in my book. If i were to put odds, he would be 10-1.
• Blogador: Final 4, only because people like muscles. He's a darker, less mic-skills version of Hogan. Big punch, Irish whip, spine-buster.
• Brown: I’ve always thought that if I took a lot of steroids, I’d look like this guy. Then I realize, my testicles are small enough as they are, and I’m not gay enough to get a belly button tattoo. Don’t be surprised if he wins.
  

Undertaker

• Big: #2 in my book. Odds at 5-1. He could use the win as a way to move over to raw and challenge Orton for the strap, or even go after Edge again.
• Blogador: Final 8, Royal Rumble is not his event, it's Wrestlemania, and as of recent he's in the middle of the card.
• Brown: Wait a minute, was that a Favre crack by Blogador in the Mick Foley section? Nice. Undertaker won’t win, but he’ll be involved with the title at Wrestlemania.
  

Kane

• Big: For the past 3 years or so, I think the WWE has no idea what to do with Kane. He has the talent, but his monster gimmick just doesn't work in main story lines. He has no chance.
• Blogador: Final 8, no feuds for him to be a part of, he's just a big man with nothing to do. Hey! What's up Larry Allen?
• Brown: Kane supports Ron Paul. Ron Paul won’t win. Therefore, by the transitive property, Kane won’t win.
  

Jamie Noble

• Blogador: Who? If this were 1997 and cruiserweight battle royal he'd be a good pick. Too bad he's Jamie Noble.
• Big: If this were 1997 and this was a cruiserweight battle royal, I'm taking that crazy guy from WCW who could do the 540.
• Brown: How in the shit did we start talking about cruiserweights? Where is La Parka? Didn’t Jamie Noble lose to Hornswoggle?
  

Finlay

• Big: His little gay dance in the ring with Hornswoggle might have been the gayest thing I have ever seen.
• Blogador: I'm seeing a final 8 only because he's good at HJ’s and the writers love him. Finlay is horrible, since he opened the curtain in WCW and did nothing else.
• Brown: The guy is “Fit” as in “Fit Finlay” as in an Irish guy who likes to fight. How does Blogador know he gives a solid tug every now and then? Do you guys watch the Real World together? Does Mrs. Blogador know this???
  

Cody Rhodes

• Big: He is from the same blood line as Dusty Rhodes right? Dusty was one of the best mike guys ever right? So why does this guy sound like he's 14 and his mom just caught him masturbating?
• Blogador: I knocked him in reference to Hardcore Holly, but now that I think about it, if dumb face Eli can get to the Super Bowl, why can't this younger sibling pull something out of his backside? Because he's Cody Rhodes.
• Brown: Dustin Runnels? Shitty gimmick in TNA. Cody Runnels? Shitty gimmick in WWE. Big correctly spelling the word “masturbating”? Priceless. In that kind of world, anything is possible.

Shelton Benjamin

• Big: This is my dark horse. It would give some cred to the failing ECW, and give him a big push into a Punk/Benjamin feud that would be pretty damn good. Now I really doubt he would win, but if they give Punk one of the few spots remaining, then that might be a great spring board to this story.
• Blogador: The equivalent in wrestling to adult film. Great to watch, but you try to go beyond the impressive physical abilities and he doesn't have much. I do see him getting pushed into the Final 8.
• Brown: If he’s going to look like Sisqo, then god damn it, he’d better act like Sisqo if he plans on winning. Enter the dragon, mother fucker!
  

Carlito

• Big: I love this guy. He has no shot, but I love him.
• Blogador: The underappreciated finally gets another chance. Shelton Benjamin weighed him down, and Flair hogged the spotlight. Here is his chance to feud with a champ.
• Brown: Come on, he’s teaming with Santino Marella, there is no effing way this guy is getting a push.
  

Santino Marella

• Big: I think Marella is Italian for, "a Brown eye of justice"
• Blogador: Santico, Sanchico, Sanbeepo, San Luis Obispo, Standino Chancetowinna.
• Brown: Maria is going to be in Playboy the same month as Wrestlemania. Santino is in a storyline where he is “dating” Maria. Maria is naked. We ALL win.
  

Shawn Michaels

• Big: #5. About 15-1 odds. I would love another title run for HBK but he doesn't want that grind, and him vs. Orton has already happened. All though I have heard some rumors about a DX vs. Orton/Kennedy, is that something you would be interested in? Yes, yes I would be.
• Blogador: Final 4 maybe, no lower than Final 8. I see him taking a break until 'Mania.
• Brown: My favorite wrestler of all time. He’ll do the thing where he grabs the top rope to not get eliminated, flip back up and then suffer a MASSIVE clothesline from someone. That’s about it.

Mark Henry

• Big: "Me strong, me not win rumble, but me make mean sandwich afterward"
• Blogador: NORBIT!!! Gimme a break, Henry and Big Daddy V need to get back together and see if they can win on Biggest Loser: Couple Edition
• Brown: This guy still wrestles? Hmmph. Kurt Angle wins a gold medal, he’s got 12 world titles. Mark Henry wins a gold medal, he has sex with an 80 year old woman. Fair is fair. He won’t win.

The Great Khali

• Blogador: AAARRRRGGHHH!!! (Arms raised overhead). That's the depth of the gimmick. I see him getting knocked by a much smaller guy (Jamie Noble?) and trying to push said wrestler as a giant killer a la Rey Mysterio in '06.
• Big: I like Blogador’s idea here. I'm going to go with that.
• Brown: He’ll be the guy who comes in, runs at the ropes, someone pulls down ropes, he falls over. Way to represent the motherland, ass hat.

Mr. Kennedy

• Big: #6, 30-1 odds of winning. If he does win, I could see Hardy winning the belt and having a good mike guy (Kennedy) and a fan fav (Hardy) would be great, but I don't see it as "Wrestlemania" great.
• Blogador: Here is your dark horse. yeah he's a big name, kind of. But he's just past the feud with HBK, which he did well. People will see him as a final 4. I see him winning and winning with some controversy leading to a triple threat for the WWE title at Mania between Kennedy, Orton and the next guy.
• Brown: Here’s my desired winner, and if it wasn’t for Triple H, he’d probably be the guy to win. He’s the best up and coming star the WWE has, and he’s the best young mic guy in the business. He’ll be in the final 2, but get eliminated. He’ll have the title BEFORE Wrestlemania and be in defense at Wrestlemania.
  

Triple H

• Big: #1 guy without a doubt in my book. 2-1 odds. If they want him to stay a baby face, he goes up against Orton, or he could turn heel and go after Hardy. HHH vs. Hardy is good Wrestlemania main event. Throw in a hell in a cell, and you've got something.
• Blogador: He gets shafted and loses to Kennedy. Barring another freak injury, a 3 month build up between the King of Kings, RKO, and Mr. Kennedy will be greatness. RKO just reeks of douche whether he's a face or a heel, Kennedy is legit heel, and Triple H is your Face.
• Brown: Triple H is making a heel turn, and I can almost guarantee it. More than likely, the scenario that Big put out is going to happen, with Orton dropping the strap to Hardy. Triple H will win, why else would they build up his “qualifying” stuff the past few weeks.

Gimmick Guy

• Big; I'm going with Repo Man. I don't know why, but I think we will see that douche this weekend.
• Blogador: Al Snow coming in as all of his characters throughout the rumble. Aldo Montoya, Leif Cassidy, Avatar, and/or Al Snow that bumps it up to 26 or 27.
• Brown: Big Show. Mark it.

See everyone on Sunday.

One Crazy Mo Fo

Our love of wrestling here at the big and the brown can be labeled strong, to quite strong. Its a great escape. We are also children of the late 80's early 90's, so our "golden age" of wrestlers were Hulk Hogan, Bret Heart, and one Ultimate Warrior. The Warrior was my guy for the longest (almost a death wish to a wrestler). I knew he was crazy back in the day, but when I got older, he's craziness got more and more extreme. He now has a blog. And if you like crazy ass people, its greatness. His last entry is here. Its about Heath Ledger. And Its Crazy.

"In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I have watched Brokeback Mountain no less than 45 times and I own the Limited Edition DVD, signed by Willie Nelson a short time after he wrote that queer cowboy song"

About people of the past.

"Reminds me of the courage of classic movie stars, where during the War they enlisted and flew bomber planes and fought on frontlines, then came back and picked up their lives and careers right where they left off"

About Hulk Hogan.

"By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. "

"He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children."

And how Ledgers kids are better of with him dead.

"His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery."

Bat. Shit. Crazy.

I just don't see how they got "GAY-triots" from Patriots...

The Brown Five - 1/23/08 - Why I hate the Super Bowl

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Non Sports Media
I was running at the gym and caught the end of "Access Hollywood", they were promoting "Access Hollywood's Week at the Super Bowl" and stories about "Tom Brady and Gisele". What the fuck? This is the problem with the Super Bowl. As it has grown, it has become less about playing football and more about "being seen".

2) Commercials
I, as much as the next person, enjoy funny commercials. However, when I'm watching a football game, the commercials are the time where I need to pee or go make a sandwich or get a quickie in with the lady (though I could get that done between first and second down). I appreciate that this is a large and globally watched event, and it's the time to debut your products, but I dont need hype around commercials.

3) Half-time
No one cares. The only half-time show that I really remember was the one where Michael Jackson performed, and seeing as he had look a likes popping out of scoreboards and shit, I don't even know if that wa sreally him. My point here is, half-time should be analysis and Vermeil/Jaworski levels of player breakdowns. I really don't care to see Tom Petty's corpsish face play "Free Fallin'" while the "Up with Life" dancers do a routine around him, I'm just fine listening on my own.

4) Does a game even get played?
I can't remember the last time I actually sat and watched the game. Usually I'm at a party or hosting a party so I've got conversations going on around me or I'm participating in. I'm worried about food and drink all over the place. The last thing that is really on my mind in that instance? Football game.

5) Cheesy tie-ins
This year it's Fox. They already beat us down, oh so royally, with the Terminator show during the past two weeks of the playoffs, and I can only wonder what sorry ass "the writers are on strike" show we're going to get pummeled over the head with now.

Holy crap

Delutz is known for never being able to break the great defenses of the pro circuit. And the fans knew it.

This was on deadspin today, and I nearly peed my pants. Beat my caption if you can.

a look....fart 5

Teams 1-6 and Teams 7-10. , teams 11-14. and teams 15-18 A look at the NFL, from the draft point of view, in the draft order.

19. Philadelphia Eagles 8-8

Good: This team was top ten in three of the major offensive categories, Rush yards (8th), Pass yards (10th), and total yards (6th). Brain Westbrooke is the best player in game not named LDT. He rushed for over 1300 yards, caught 90 passes for 700 yards, scored 12 TD's, and gained on average 5.7 yards per touch. Trent Cole for the def had 12 sacs, that's not too shabby.

Bad: A lot of people are going to put Donnovan McNabb in the "bad" area, but I think as the year went on, he got more and more healthy, and really started playing better. The problem might not be him, it might be whats around him. The one year he had a big play WR, they went to the SuperBowl. Kevin Curtis put up nice numbers, but he isn't a game changer. You take that lack of a WR threat, and add it to the fact the eagles QB got sacked 49 times, and its crazy to think D-Mac still almost had a 90 QB rating.

Prediction: McNabb has already said, hey go get me some help. So that's what they need to go after. If the rumors are true Roy Williams wants out of Det, this would be spot number 1 if I was him. They could use help on the DEF as well though, don't rule out a new LB or two in training camp.

Draft: If, and that a big if, DeSean Jackson WR Cal, falls to them, he is the perfect fit for the long haul here, but don't be surprised if they don't think long hall. They may need to win now as their super bowl window is closing. And if that's the way they look at things, then they will go BPA def. Guys like Calais Campbell DE Miami, Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Dan Connor LB Penn St., or Reggie Smith DB Oklahoma, should be some options there.

20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7

Good: First they made the Playoffs. That's a good thing. Next, I don't know what they did, but they rekindled some of the years from the past magic and had the number 1 rated def against the pass this year, and number 2 in total yards against, and number 3 in points scored against. One more good thing, despite rocking the whole year with Earnest "Pajama" Graham as their main RB, they still averaged 111 yards a game. That's good enough for 11th if your keeping track at home.

Bad: On offense, they have one explosive player, and he's like 58 years old. Joe Galloway. While they were real good on Def this year, they still only had 33 sacks as a team. They can do better than that.

Prediction: I think they are going to bank on a Teddy Graham, Cadillac combo in the backfield next year. I think they are going to bring back the workman like Jeff Garcia, who won't lose you many games, but won't win you many either. They are going to have to ask how much longer Derrick Brooks, and Ronde Barber are going to be playing. They need to start looking for these guys replacements.

Draft: They need to get more pressure on the QB, but they think they have their next great d linemen in Gaines Adams, so they probable won't go DE, but a corner, linebacker, and safety could all use help. If certain people fall, don't be surprised to see them take a OT, playmaker WR, or even a QB here to help that O. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Sam Baker OT USC, Mario Manningham WR Michigan, or a slew of Def players.

Two mo' fo' ya' ta' chew on.
(what?)

The Brown Five - 1/22/08 - Is quoting Chappelle's Show allowed again?

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Is Brown going to admit he may have been wrong?
Yes. Yes I am. I've been down on Eli Manning ever since he was at Ole Miss. I never believed the guy was capable of winning a damn thing, let alone being a leader on this team. If you look at the past three years, you'd have to agree with me. However, something has happened to the Giants team this year that has let Eli become a leader. No Shockey, and no Tiki. Those two guys are such a-holes, that a diminutive guy like Manning could never take charge. With both of them gone, he's able to produce.

2) Tom Brady was seen in a walking boot yesterday
I'll bet money says that his coach told him to wear it around New York to make New York think they have a chance. I'm telling you, I can't believe that the cities of Boston and New York are fighting for a championship of some kind...I mean that kind of thing never happens. I hope that some network out there picks up on this and decides to focus on it. Read my post on team perception, as I think it might have more weight now.

3) Nets and Pacers considering a deal
If you haven't heard, they are considering, what amounts to a Jermaine O'Neal for Vince Carter. O'Neal's monster contract just become more attractive because it's coming off the books soon. If he's health, a combination of O'Neal, Kidd, and Jefferson is pretty formidable in a slowly stronger Eastern conference. That's a team that can contend with the Detroits and Bostons of the world. Of course, Indiana becomes that much worse on defense, and an additon of Carter would make them crave a coach like Don Nelson.

4) This year's dunk contest, might be worth watching
Gerald Green, Rudy Gay, Dwight Howard, and my favorite, Jamario Moon. The extra incentive this year? Fan votes by text message. If I don't see Dwight Howard use like a medicine ball instead of a basketball, just to fuck with people, then I'm going to be disappointed. Don't kid yourself, he could do it.

5) Join us Sunday night at 7 PM
We're live blogging the WWE Royal Rumble. Should be a good time. Me, Big and the Blogador drunk and watching wrestling. Entertainment!

Gee, I can't wait.

I can tell you what I'm not looking forward to in the coming weeks, and that's going to be the onslaught of media "knob-slobbing" of whoever makes it to the Super Bowl this year. Think about it, in just about any scenario you have a story that ESPN and company are going to beat us all down with. It really makes you yearn for the days where they didn't have a week off between conference championships and the Super Bowl.

Patriot Stories to expect....

• The obvious one, "19 - 0"
• "Tom Brady, media dreamboat number 2"
• "Rodney Harrison, is he really that dirty?" (Yes. Yes he is)
• "Teddy Bruschi. Remember him? He had a stroke! Look at him now! Fuck you Kirk Douglas!"
• "Red Sox, Celtics, Patriots, isn't Boston due for a typhoon soon?"

Packer Stories to expect....

• "Brett Favre, media dreamboat number 1"
• "Deanna Favre had breast cancer!"
• "I bet Jevon Walker feels like a real dumb ass now"
• "Just who is Ryan Grant, and why should I care?"
• "Will Brett Favre retire now?"

Giant Stories to expect....

• "See? Ernie Accorsi knew what he was doing with Eli!"
• "Eli Manning discovered hair in his special places"
• "Osi Umenyiora aims at the gap in Strahan's teeth"
• "Hey, Tiki, does Bettis have burrito-farts?"
• "Tom Coughlin. Tom Coughlin!?"

Charger Stories to expect...

• "See? A.J. Smith knew what he was doing with Eli!"
• "LaDanian isn't a cry baby, he just loves the game so much"
• "As far as we're concerned, Merriman and Castillo never used steroids" (Yes they did)
• "Marty Schottenheimer sucks and so does Wade Phillips, but Norv's all right"
• "San Diego burnt down, and now the Chargers are on fire"

You can mix and match these stories all day long, no matter what the match up is, and I guarantee you'll be so god damned tired of the game before it happens that you're not going to have the energy to sit through the "Beat Down Extravaganza" that Super Bowl weekend has become.

Porn meet Wrestling

There is no doubt that we here at the big and the brown are big wresting fans. As a matter of fact I would like to take this time to invite you to read along, as we do our first live blog, a week from Sunday, during the 2nd best wresting PPV of the year, Royal Rumble. That said when some wrestling news hits, we like to talk about it. Here is one of those times.

Joe Sports fan has this article about a former WWE/WWF star who is now getting into a new gig. The wrestler is Gangrel. And he is getting into porn.



Yup that guy. He has signed a 12 movie exclusive directing deal with New Porn Order (nPo). I swear to you I can't make this stuff up.

Terrell Owens's "American Idol" Tryout

Terrell Owens's "American Idol" Tryout


"What's your name, dawg?"


"Terrell"


"Aww, you're cute."


"Thanks."



"Wot ah you going to sing fo us?"


"He's The Quarterback"


"All right, dawg, I like it, go ahead, dawg."


"The clock's running down
The team's losing ground
To the opposing defense
The young quarterback
Waits for the snap
When suddenly it all starts to make sense"


"..."


"He takes a step back
He's under attack
But he knows that no one can touch him now
He seems so at ease
A strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow"

"Stop stop stop. Wot ah you dooing? Wot was that?
That was terrible. I have nevah huhd ehnything soo baad!"


"Yeah, dawg, that was bad, dawg. I'm sorry, dawg."

"I like drugs and alcohol!"

"He's my teammate..
That's my quarterback..
It's not fair...
It's really not fair!"