Sports Trip, watching the christians fight the lions

We make no apology's for watching professional wrestling here at TB&TB. We love it. The storeys, the athletes, the history, its all good to us. Contrary to popular thought, we also know its a show with predetermined outcomes, and that people are playing parts that aren't really them. We know the Undertaker is really just a big dude named Mark. We know that John Cena and HHH probably have a beer with each other after the show. We get it.

This last week I had the opportunity to go to the latest WWE PPV, Night of Champions, in person, as it was at the AAC here in Dallas. I work part time for a radio station, and i called in a few favors to score some tickets from them, and went with a buddy from the station who wanted to go but not by himself.

First off i felt kinda bad, Brown was my wwe watching buddy, and I know he wanted to be there, but we only had 2 tickets, so I just rolled with it. This buddy of mine from the station comes and meets me and we roll. First point of duty is to find out what kind of wrestling fan he was. Was he a "blind believer?" The kind of person who still thinks its a game of who's the better man, not who's getting the bigger push, or was he like us, enjoys it for what it is, a bunch of supremely gifted athletes, acting out fight scenes, entertaining the crowd. He was one of us, and after a few test questions i knew we were going to have a good time.

Now, I've been to see wrestling live before, 3 times with the big boys, and countless times at local promotions. The local promotion of choice is XCW, a wrestling brand in Denton Texas, that was once held in an office buildeing. Its "extreme" as most small promotions are, and its BYOB/C/W. (beer, chairs, and weapons). I'll expand on XCW on another post, as it deserves its own, but I just wanted to point out, its for adults, its got cursing and blood, and stuff like that.

Now the 3 Big Boy shows I've been too are as such, WCW Nitro, 1998 summertime in San Antonio, WCW Houseshow, 2000 Bell County Expo Center, and Wrestlemania X7, 2001 Houston. The Nitro was fun, i remember going to it with UntiQM, saw Goldberg beat up the giant, but don't remember much else, the House show i didn't remember anything at all except Booker T for some reason(i think i was thinking too much about getting laid afterward from the lady) and the wrestlemania, again that's a whole nother story, but we sat REAL far away, and were REAL hungover.

All three of those things also happened when i was still in my teens, so the memory of those has been clouded by malted hops and bong resin. This last weekend was the first time I've been to a big show like this as an adult, and was able to just take it in.

This is my experience.

First off, we had amazing seats. We were on row J, That's 10 rows up from the floor, so i could have easily punted a football and cleared the ring. Unlike the Wrestlemania show, where we sat on top of the Titian Tron, I was on the opposite side of it, so I could see all the replays and promo's and what have not.

The first thing I want to talk about is the crowd. I now know why wrestler's put their bodys on the line day in and day out, its the crowd. I have never, and I've been to mav's playoff games in Reunion Arena(loudest place ever), and i do mean i have NEVER heard a crowd this loud, but not all the time. Its not a cheering just to cheer, they cheer their people, and boo the ones they don't like. This really must have been what the crowds were like at the Colosseum, when the gladiators did battle. Each offense move from the well liked baby faces was met with such cheering that i don't know how the wrestlers aren't smiling constantly. And the thing that makes this so surreal is the fact that you can't here the play by play guys, just the crowd and the wrestlers.

The crowd also reminded me of why i love the "sport." I have evolved over the years as a wrestling fan, from a child when I believed it was all real, to the point that I am now, I can admire the show for what it is, a show. Much like CSI, or My Name is Earl, its only out there to entertain. But being at the show and seeing the way the kids reacted to the wrestlers was so refreshing. A little girl near me, who couldn't have been older than 5, almost started crying when Mickie James came out, she was so excited. And as i left the area, I saw several young fans crying that John Cena didn't win.

All and all the experience made me proud to be a wrestling fan. The show was fantastic, and wrestlers performed at a high level, and the fans were loud and proud.

My name is Big, and I love wrestling.

Guess who's back?

Oh. My. God.

Adam Jones seeks to claim the name "Pacman" from...Adam Jones

Orioles center fielder, Adam Jones, wants to be called Pacman.

Why? Because he thinks he's too nice and wants a reputation for being a little harder.

“It’s a perception thing,” said Jones, who has frequently been referred to by the Baltimore media as “accountable” “humble,” and “morally upstanding.” “Things just can’t keep going on like this. I’m not proud of the way I’ve behaved since breaking into the league, and the new name is meant to signify the changes I know I have to make.”

This season, Jones is the only player on the Orioles roster to play in every single game, a feat largely attributable to his behavior off the field. He is known to head straight home after games, eschew alcohol in favor of fruit juice, and bring his wife and childhood sweetheart, Pamela with him on every road trip.

“It’s hard to be around him sometimes,” said teammate Aubrey Huff. “Last month after a game in Texas, I brought a stripper into the clubhouse. She was really hot, and a bunch of us broke out some body paint and were decorating her ass. Adam just kinda sat there at his locker, looking at the floor, blushing. It was really awkward.”

Of course this is a bit written up by the Bugs and Cranks guys, but I sure laughed.

Ohh if I were Gay, or a world class sprinter, I'd be pissed!

Let me take you through your morning. You wake up, maybe make yourself a pot of coffee, go brush your teeth, stretch out, head over to your desk, flip on sports center, fire up your lap top, and head over to One News Now to get your morning news, christian style. You look at the screen, and a question forms in your brain as you look at the following?

A Homosexual runs a wind aided 9.68 in the 100? What was he running to, a sale at the Gap?

Unless your a part of the sports world, or gearing up for the Olympics(hello Olympic Big), then you may find this strange, but the web site was actually talking not about a Gay man running the 100, but a man named Gay. Tyson Gay is an Olympic sprinter for the USA, and very straight, as far as I know.

The Website, which is focused on bringing you the news with a christian flavor, has a "automatic filter" that turns the word "Gay" into far less hurtful(?) "homosexual." Makes you wonder what else they have auto filters for?

Either way, I'm sure Tyson, who is going to be one of the main storeys of the Olympics this August, had a little part of him die this morning when he heard about this. Its hard enough to have your last name be Gay, but this? Sucks.

H/T : Fanhouse.

Got plans for tomorrow night?

Apparently, based on the post below this, Big and I are going to watch "Sex and the City" and get manicures and go bag shopping.

However, if you're not gay spies like us, then you might want to check this out.

Josh Howard, high as a kite? Check.

Marquis Daniels, looking sleepier than T-Mac? Check.

Dallas "babes"? Check.

DJ Bay Bay and DJ Ski? Check.

Chance to sex up J.J. Barea and Pops Mensah-Bonsu? Check.

We be some bitches

I found a site the other day that you guys might find interesting. The site is called Gender Genie.
The basics of the site is simple, you put in a block of texts, and they put it through some crazy program, and then its spits out whether or not your a dude or a chick.

Interested? I'm sure you are. Here are our numbers for the peeps on this site.

Big
Words: 1276
Female Score: 2646
Male Score: 1976
%57 Female

brown
Words: 443
Female Score: 838
Male Score: 371
69% Female

blogadore
Words: 309
Female Score: 327
Male Score: 387
54% Male

sherp
Words: 2144
Female Score: 2809
Male Score: 3037
51% Male

sir arther
Words: 732
Female Score: 854
Male Score: 1261
59% Male

bear
Words: 643
Female Score: 1165
Male Score: 879
56% Female

gerry
Words: 299
Female Score: 199
Male Score: 309
60% Male

UnitQM
Words: 140
Female Score: 141
Male Score: 147
51% Male

Congrats to Gerry, he writes for Uncle Rico by the way, and by far our most common commenter, for being the most manly writer.

Our own Brown came in number one with 69% Female. I would make fun of him but I'm in second.

All this really proves is something we already know, We be some bitches.

Big and Brown Ready for a night on the Town

(they Call me big for my breats)

Is Bill Simmons back?

If you don't know who Bill Simmons is, then you're probably only reading this site because you've slept with me or shared a meal with Big. Possibly vise versa...how's my ass taste? But I digress.

(Wow, what a terrible start to a post...)

Anyway, Bill Simmons is often thought of as the foremost sports blogger. He's like Lombardi or Walsh. He's been writing for ESPN for a while now, and pretty much been the anchor for the Page 2 concept. Most noticeable for Boston centric themes and constant references to "pop culture" (Karate Kid movies and other Zabka movies).

Somewhere over the past few years, however, his columns have become pretty useless drivel and just annoying. Just like our site, it seemed that he was simply sharing an inside joke the entire time with his buddies. Difference is, his columns were read by anyone who visits ESPN and not by 3 people in the DFW metroplex (thanks for reading us!).

It had gotten to the point where I wouldn't even read his columns anymore, and Simmons became subject to the rest of the sports blogosphere's taunts and whips. However, things seemed to have changed.

Be it the addition of Reilly at ESPN, or some other type of dispute, Simmons has taken his columns in a new direction. Almost as if his actions and mentality is a giant "go fuck yourself" to ESPN. Former ESPN guys like Dan Shanoff even claim that Simmons is the only one who can push the limits, so he tests them. Simmons has even gone so far as to re-establish a new blog site where he puts up some of his classic posts from before he was at ESPN.

Anyway, Simmons might have finally broken through and regained his credibility in one fell swoop. The Deadspin post. Read the comments and you can almost see peoples' heads shaking as if they can't believe it. Reading his draft diary today, he opens by taking a bunch of shots at ESPN personalities.

The point I'm making is that Simmons has been on the decline recently, and it's good to see that he realized it and has now swung back the other direction.

Bravo, Simmons. Bravo.

Sometimes I wish I was funny

If you haven't seen the famous Stephen A. Smith heckling videos from the Stephen A. Smith Heckling Society of Gentlemen, then you're missing out on one of the most genius and hilarious ideas ever.

With that in mind, I refer you to this year's entry.

Highlights:

- "Et tu, Bilas?"

-"O.J. Mayo, did you find the real killers?"

-"Jerryd Bayless do you think you're better than Skip Bayless?"

-Kevin Love referring to the epic cheezy doodles video.

-"You could be the best forward since Slava Medvedenko, and your brother could be the second best since Slava Medvedenko." (I almost spit out coffee at that one)

Your Newest Dallas Maverick

I am a draft dork. I make no excuses for that. Last night was the NBA draft, and man it was pretty boring. The Mav's only had one pick, number 51, and at this point, only 6 guys under contract for next year. You thinking what I'm thinking? With the way the team rolled up last season, looking all old and with out fire, wouldn't you think a trade up to get somebody that can infuse this team with some life would be a good idea? I don't know, maybe somebody with some slashing ability, who can make the back cuts, the front cuts, the salad cuts, and give J. Kidd someone to play along side that wasn't just a pull up shooter? That seems wise to me.

Let me introduce to you

Shan Foster 6-5 195lbs SG Vanderbilt

That's who we took at 51. Here is what Chad Ford of ESPN says about the guy.

"Foster is a great shooter, but one-dimensional. A poor Orlando pre-draft camp hurt his stock."

A great shooter, but one-dimensional. GREAT! They got the right position, as the 2 guard was the weakest point in our lineup, but this team already has a couple jump shooting 2's named Terry, Stackhouse, and even Eddie Jones's old ass.

This is actually not the first time I've talked about Foster on this blog. Its true he was the best player on a decent team from the SEC, and that's got to go for something, but I think Skin last night said it best, if we are talking about a 2nd round pick getting major playing time, we need to blow the damn thing up and start rebuilding.

One more thing that bothered me to pieces about this draft in respect of the mav's, when you see 3 guys that could really help your team fall out of the top 20, (Arther, CDR, and Super Nintendo Chalmers) don't you have to at least try to move up and get them? I don't' know what it would have cost, maybe just money, maybe this years and next years second rounder(that's all Seattle gave up to Detroit to get the 28th pick), I don't know, but I hope they at least tryed.

NBA Draft, where amazing, ahh fuck it

So the NBA draft is tonight. As brown pointed out there is some fantastic watching for nothing else other than the suits, the drinking game of sock phrases, and of course its the only place where you can see both gansta ass dudes with their moms in their Sunday best, sweating profusely, and crying, and the awkward euro basketballer who has the 300$ suit and has the "what did i get myself into" look all over his face.

Those things make it worth watching. Its also a draft, which means I've been at a full 4 inches all effin day. Here is my thoughts on some random rumors and what have not.

Mav's Rumors-

1) Josh Howard to Memphis for the number 5 and number 28 pick.

This one stems from the Idea that Memphis isn't thrilled to pick who's left at 5, they either want to move up and get Mayo/Beasley or trade down.

At 5 you know Rose, Mayo, and Beasley will be gone, with Damp, and Bass, and Dirk, a big is needed, but not a must have, we have Kidd, so no point is needed right now, That leaves the 2 and 3. Here is what might be there at 5, and how they would look in a Dallas Uni.

Kevin Love - I would love this pick, but i have been suckered by the great white big man for years. Pittsnoggle, Van Horn, Crosere, all come to mind, but I think Love has more skills than all those guys. I wouldn't mind the pick, but it wouldn't help us much this year as we already have 3 good big's.

Danilo Gallinari, Italy - I don't' know much about this guy. From what I've read he's not a typical euro. He's got good range from the arc, yes, but he also likes to take it to the hole, and gets to the line a whole bunch. Sounds like something we need? Fuck, and Yes. His defense isn't so great though.

Russell Westbrook, UCLA - don't need a point guard.

Eric Gordon, Indiana - Didn't shoot well at all in Indiana. That scares me. But he did play in a pretty messed up situation, with that whole coach thing. I liked Gordan going into this year, and he kinda played his way out of my "like" list, but not into my "don't like" list. He would be a nice 2 to go along side Kidd, but we would have the same problems with him playing as we would with Terry.

Joe Alexander, West Virginia - Super athlete tag. That always bothers me. They say he can jump out of the gym, and he was pretty good at West Virginia. If the euro isn't here, then this guy might be the next best 3.

The only other mav's rumor I have heard is that Portland is wanting to get some vet players on the team and might be looking to trade down from their first first round pick, pick up a few more later ones, then trade them all for role players with good charterers, that can help lead a young team. The rumor is here that they would trade the Mav's the 28th pick (that they bought) and somewhere around the 18-22 pick for Dallas Maverick Jason Terry.

Again I would do this in a heart beat. Two picks in the twenty isn't that great, but you can really take some athletic guys that will give this team some life. Guys like Green, CDR, Lee or the like. And we can still use Josh as trade bait during the season.

One more thing, here is the list of players going in this draft, in the order of how I think their careers will go.

1. Beasley
2. Mayo
3. Rose
4. Gallinari
5. Westbrook
6. Augustin
7. Rush

I really think Mayo will be a real deal player, as well as Augustin. He's small but he has just a good of court vision as TJ Ford and a much better shot.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

"I'm not called Big Baby for nothing!"

Do you feel a draft in the room?

I'm an NBA fan. I don't care if you say it's tainted. I don't care if you think it's not what it used to be. Bottom line, as much as I suck playing the sport, I love watching pro basketball. I'm not the draftnik that Big is, period. I follow drafts. I'm interested in drafts, but I don't spend a weekend reading up on college freshmen and obscure European players.

That being said, two of the best things about the the NBA draft are the phraseology and the fashion. Drinking games have been made on the former, and careers on the latter.

First, phrases you are guaranteed to hear during tonight's NBA draft:
-"He's got a lot of upside"
-"He's a long player" (my personal favorite)
-"He's the next " (The trick here is not so much how the player plays, but who he most resembles. For example, Durant is the next Dirk, but no one wanted to say it.)
-"He's a character guy"
-"He's got a lot of intangibles"
-"He's a project"
-"That's a need pick, not the best guy" followed by "Not a reach, that's the best player available"
-"He's a tweener"

Second, remember, the black man will out do anyone in the fashion department (see: Irvin, Michael or Sanders, Deion). Here's a breakdown of my favorite outfits:

Joakim Noah



Samaki Walker (Mavericks side note...The Mavs could have drafted the following players instead of Walker that year: Steve Nash, Peja Stojakovic, Jermain O'Neal, Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Derek Fisher, and, oh yeah, KOBE BRYANT)



Jalen Rose



Erick Dampier



Chuck Person (that's him in the white, not the dirty, dead Len Bias)



Karl Malone

I guess its true, all it take to get laid is be famous

Umm, so a new sex tape is leaked, and despite my rule of not posting anything TMZ or Perez Hilton ever do, this one is so fucking awkward looking that I had to bring it to you people. I give you The Mini Me Sex tape.

Yup, that guy. Warning, i was really really creeped out when i saw it. (safe for work, no nudity as the video hasn't been "fully leaked" yet)

On a side note, maybe I can make one of my dreams happen of taking a picture of my junk with a midget holding it, you know, so it looks freaking huge. Verne may have "opened the door" for that to happen now.

So it is written, so it shall be done

Often times on this site, Big and I have both referred to "the man code" or "the guy code". You've seen commercials spoofing such a concept. Remember the Miller Lite Man Laws as decreed by Burt Reynolds, Triple H and Eddie Griffin? I don't think the code is something that truly exists on paper, per se, I just think it is something that is encoded on our Y chromosome. We all know them, but could never recite them if asked.

Like the United States Constitution, the man codes exist for a reason, governance of men interacting with the world and each other. Sometimes the codes are ignored and for that, men are punished. Asking two men the same question about the code is going to lead to two different answers because everyone has their own interpretation of what they mean and how they are applied.

That being said, I offer up the top 10 Man Codes (in no particular order) that I believe to be universal in any interpretation.

1) A man may never date a buddy's ex-girlfriend without express written consent from said buddy, girl and neutral third party. A man is also not allowed to make a pass at or share the thought of feelings towards a buddy's current girlfriend.

2) Short of funerals or weddings, only "black guy hugs" are acceptable social greetings beyond handshakes and high fives.

3) No matter how much beer drinking, cigar smoking and cart girl chasing is involved, golf is a sport and qualifies as an athletic pursuit. Also known as the "John Daly Law"

4) Contrary to the sports law of "defense is more valuable than offense", a wingman is always more valuable than a designated driver. You can rent a taxi, you can't rent a wingman.

5) When at the movies, an empty seat must exist between two men.

6) "Slump-buster" is the only excuse that can never be questioned for a sub par conquest, no matter what she looks like the next day. Being drunk is not an excuse because everything sounds better when you're drunk. Fucking a fat girl is like riding a scooter, it sounds like a great idea until your buddies find out.

7) Anything can be wagered on, anything.

8) If walking next to another man, and hands accidentally touch, the action is not to be acknowledged by either man, and a mandatory extra foot of distance must be created.

9) If a man gets a haircut, there is no obligation from another man to comment on it.

10) NFL Sundays are true holy days. Any joke can be made on that day at anyone's expense without fear of offense or retribution.

With those being listed, I now open the floor (via comments) to the readers of this blog for interpretation, addition and debate.

Wow, um, ok.

US Supreme Court rejects the death penalty for child rape

Damn, just typing out the phrase makes me want to vomit.

Exactly who is this a win for, the ACLU?

Hold on, my phone is ringing...

Hmm...that's interesting, Bizzle's throwing a party this weekend in honor of the Supreme Court.

...

...

...

Sure, not one of you laughed when you put two and two together on that joke. I'll see you all in hell.

God, if you're listening...nevermind you stopped a long time ago

I've been following this story of the whole Gloucester Pregnancy Pact thing in Massachusetts.

I hope I'm not the only one who finds it to be the funniest god damned thing they've seen in awhile. Not so much "haha" funny, more "I'm laughing because this is the signal from God I've been waiting for that tells me the human race is doomed so I should drink as much scotch as I can." funny.

Now, apparently, one teenager has spoken up and said, "there was no pact."

I present, for your pleasure, from The Boston Channel, Lindsey Oliver, pregnant teenager.

"No. There was definitely no pact. There was a group of girls who decided that they were gonna ... they were already pregnant before they decided this. That they were gonna help each other with their kids so they could finish school and raise their kids together, to do the right thing was their decision. Not, let's get pregnant, like, as a group," Oliver said.

Her baby's father, Andrew Psalidas, impetus for pregnant teenager and dumb ass.

"I would just guess to say that girls are just ... getting unlucky, maybe," he said.

"Lindsey was on birth control. She was very careful with it, you know, because, obviously, we, at 17 and 20, we're not ready for a kid. But we're trying a lot harder now to get ready, that's for sure," Psalidas said.

Oliver steals the microphone...

"Well, I think that they sit there and they say that they want to make a difference and it's awful that all these kids are getting pregnant, but they don't want to do anything to help them. They won't put contraceptives in the nurse's office or anything and no kid wants to go into the store and buy them, or like, ask them mom to help them get birth control. Like, it's embarrassing. So, instead of, like, making them make the decision not to use any of them, they should be giving them out in the nurse's office so you can get it anonymously," Oliver said.

I've been banging my head on my desk repeatedly, so forgive me if my diatribe loses it's sting due to extreme loss of blood.

I was 17 once. I had sex before and since (my credit card's got the proof). I have no children. Why's that, you ask? Without asking anyone, I was able to deduce the common reasoning that the condom goes OVER THE PENIS. Science would conclude that if the sperm does not enter the vagine, then there is no chance of pregnancy.

I don't understand how kids and Mexicans don't get it. Obviously if you're not smart enough to know when to have kids, the last thing you need to do is create more generations.

Idiocracy, here we come.

Extra! Extra! Joey Harrington's the worst QB ever!

H/T: KSK

So, apparently, the guys at Pro Football Reference have done some kind of statistical analysis and came up with the worst quarterbacks of all time.

Folks, here he is: Joey Harrington

No QB has performed so far below the league average for so long as Joey Harrington. To be clear, Joey Harrington probably isn’t the worst quarterback of all time in an absolute sense. But in terms of being so far below average, but far enough above miserable to earn more playing time, Joey Harrington hurt his team more than any other QB in NFL history. If Harrington had been worse, he would have played less, and he wouldn’t have set back the teams he played on.

This is funny to me for three reasons:

1) Joey Harrington looks damn near exactly like one of Big's and my friends. So the total failure makes me giggle because I attribute it to him looking like our buddy.

2) I thought Joey Harrington was the real deal, only because his Oregon team beat Texas in the Holiday Bowl in 2001. He beat Chris Simms. What was I thinking?

3) He plays piano. I hate piano players. (I played piano as a child)

The Wingman, an Essay by Big, part 3(i know its late, eat my starfish)

I know, people have been waiting for the third installment of the oft talked about "wingman essay," and to be honest, i was going to make it a running joke. You know every time I write something that i feel needs two post, tell every body there will be three, and then watch them squirm. BUT this is what happened, people hit me up for the last installment way more than I thought they would, and I still have more to say on the subject. So here goes, a week late, at least, the finial instalment of the Wingman Essay.

Part Three - Beware of False Wingmen

The whole idea of me writing this little expose about the wingman all started at a bar, a few weeks ago, with the situation that I described in the first installment, that ended up with a text that read "Bone City, population 2."

The whole thing got me thinking about the wingman, and how I played the part fantastically that night. Then about other situations that I was apart of or at least witness too, with respect to the wingman. Weather it be me, sliding a box of condoms under a door to a certain brown friend so he can do the nasty, or playing good cop bad cop with one of my roommates, the first wave of remembrance was found, as it almost always is.

Then I started thinking about more recent times, and how the game has changed. I started thinking about all the people I hang out with, and how they used the wingman, either being on themselves, or being the beneficiary of one. Thus leading to the final chapter of the essay, Beware of the False Wingman.

I don't know what happens past the age of, lets say 22, that changes the game, but something most def does. Its no longer "for the good of the group," playing wingman turns into "for the good of the individual." Let me explain. Here are some types of winman that you don't see from 16-23, but as you grow older you see more and more.

Ring Finger Wingman. - Taken guys. They have a wife/girlfriend. Or husband if that's their thing. Like the force there are two sides to this guy, a dark side, and a light side. On the good side, going out with a married guy usually means that he won't take a girl home, but he can occupy one of her friends, or if he's man pretty, be the bait for a group of chicks. But be careful, this "wingman" has a very dark side to it. Only 4 things can happen when you are out with this type of wing, and 3 are bad.

1- He helps you get the girl, with either talking you up, or occupying the friends, or what ever. This is what he should do, he's going home to a wife/girlfriend that he can see naked.

2 - He "over plays" the my buddy is single card, and wants to live through you and trys to get you to "cold call" every semi attractive girl in the place. When you tell him to chill out, he often trys to pulls girls over to you, so maybe, just maybe he can feel like he did when he was single and every girl is a possible bang job, instead of just the one he has at home.

3 - He actually wants to take one of girls home. Now he can't take them home, because that's where wifey is, so to a hotel. Wait the wife might see the credit card change and wonder, so guess where he has to go, that's right, your place. So now your "wingman" not only going to cheat on his wife, but your going to know about it, and that makes thing strange between you and the wife forever, and on top of that, if he takes a chick to your place and you don't, say goodbye self esteem.

4 - You guys strike out, get hammered and end of sleeping on the floor telling each other how you want to go to the roof and shout out home much you love each other. Boop, boop.

So with the ring finger, you need to be sure you know the guy, and that he's not going to put you in the situation that your not going to like. Sounds like a good idea, but when it come down to it, they rarely work out for you.

The other wingman that I want to talk about that has come up more and more as I have gotten older is the bitter man.

Bitter man - This is the sneakiest, and most diabolical wingman ever. 9 times out of 10 you never see this guy coming. Here is the skinny, this is guy that seems to be doing a fantastic job as a wingman, then out of nowhere he swoops in and trys to take your lady. Now there are several types of BitterMan

I'm Me - The I'm me bitter man is most commonly found at bars, and are most commonly people that aren't you real friends, just acquaintances. These are the guys who, see you talking to a girl, think they are better than you, and try and "out play" you for their attention. You think that by introducing your lady friend to him, he will understand the guy code and help you out, but instead he tryes to box you out with one of his Karl Malone elbows.

Snake in grass - This is one that should never EVER happen. This is your buddy, who befriends your ladyfriend, and starts to fall for her. Normally he doesn't directly try and push you out, but he's always there for her when you two have a fight, always ready just in case she see's him as so much better of a guy, then he trys to take your girl. While it is true, sometimes when a girl gets to know a guy better he see's him in a different light, but as a wingman, and more importantly as a friend, you must ask the guy if its cool that you take her out first.

Fuck em all - The fuck em all bitter man is guy that when he see's that he's not going to get his, weather it be from the girl your hitting on, or just in general, he Molotov cocktails the whole situation so that nobody gets any.

All of the Bitter Man wingmen can strike at any time, and all should and could be avoided. If you read this and think that you might have done any of those things, call you friends and tell them your sorry. We're all guys here, we'll forgive you.

In conclusion, in today's me first society, the wingman is still a strong player. If your a guy, your friends should build you up, help you out, and keep you out of trouble. If your a girl, the way the wingman acts is only slightly less important than the guy that's talking to you is. The whole reason for these posts were to educate people, and try and get better wingmen. To try and help you understand that you have to be more observant as to how the actions that you take, effect other people. If we can start here, we can be a better people. Help your friends, help yourself, help me, help you. OK, now I'm rambling.

So, what determines who can say what in the public domain?

If you haven't heard what Don Imus said on his radio program, here's a quick breakdown:

Warner Wolf (no comment on stupidity of that moniker) was discussion our very own Pacman (screw you, pal, you're never losing that name). He was going over his arrest record and Imus asked what color he was. When Wolf told Imus Jones was black, Imus said "there you go. Now we know."

Naturally, this raised a shit storm in the media. Imus followed up the next day by saying he was being sarcastic and that people should be outraged for blacks being arrested for no reason.

Pacman responded by saying it was obvious Imus hates black people and that Pacman would "pray for him".

Ok, did I miss something here?

Does Pacman Jones, let alone half of the media, listen to half of the shit that gets said on the radio here in town?

Are you meaning to tell me the gents on The Ticket don't say that level of humor if not worse? Short of dropping the n-bomb, the jokes that The Ticket tells are much worse than anything Imus has said.

Yes, they work under an umbrella of parody and direct sarcasm. However, are you going to tell me that the people who listen to The Ticket are smart enough to make the difference between jokes and reality?

Look, I've never listened to Don Imus. Frankly, I'm surprised the guy is alive. He looks older than Hubie Brown and Dick Stockton put together.

If radio stations like The Ticket are protected by the first amendment for making the commentary they make, and people like TMZ or Perez Hilton (a site/person I'm still not sure exists or not) can operate under that flag, why should Don Imus be crucified for anything he's said so far?

Hasn't Pacman Jones earned the privelege to be the butt end of all jokes?

The most important question of all? IF ALL I WANT IS THE MOTHER FUCKING SCORES FROM LAST NIGHT'S BASEBALL GAMES, WHY IN THE HELL IS ROBERT FLORES TAKING THE TIME ON SPORTSCENTER GOING OVER A NON-CONTROVERSY?

If people want to hear their own voice, find a topic or happening that is worth the energy. I'll give you a topic: Mike Meyers nor Adam Sandler hasn't been funny since about 2001, yet they still make more money than Bear does....and Bear just bought a brand new Kia. How's that fair?

Why hello there

It appears in my travels as of late (nevermind where), I've discovered this little space of the interwebs known as "The Big and The Brown".

I see all of these posts by a fellow named Big, yet there is no Brown.

Wait a second, that's me...that's right, sexy readers, I'm back. (Wonder twin powers, activate!)

No more rants about stupid things. (Though this might be one)

No more posts about anal starlets. (For the record, that was Jenna Haze.)

No more breaking down of hip hop lyrics. (Actually, I kind of like those.)

No more promises to finish three part essays (We're all waiting for the grand conclusion, dick milk.)

So, let's see...umm...

NBA Finals? Nope, nope, pretty sure that got covered.

Shaq versus Kobe? Uh, it's not 2005 anymore.

Donaghy scandal? ESPN already beat that down.

Rangers above .500? No chance, I'm not getting blamed for jinxing them.

Scott Kalita's death? Well, I did find irony in that no one laughed at someone dying in a funny car.

NBA draft? Not until Thursday.

Euro 2008? I've been watching, but god forbid someone not named "Sir Arthur Ballsinmouth" comment.

Tiger's leg? Big kind of beat me to it, albeit without the word "fuck"

Well, if I'm that far behind, I might as well just begin my epic return with a simple question:



Emmitt or Barry? Discuss.


p.s. I'd choose Ki-Jana Carter.