God, if you're listening...nevermind you stopped a long time ago

I've been following this story of the whole Gloucester Pregnancy Pact thing in Massachusetts.

I hope I'm not the only one who finds it to be the funniest god damned thing they've seen in awhile. Not so much "haha" funny, more "I'm laughing because this is the signal from God I've been waiting for that tells me the human race is doomed so I should drink as much scotch as I can." funny.

Now, apparently, one teenager has spoken up and said, "there was no pact."

I present, for your pleasure, from The Boston Channel, Lindsey Oliver, pregnant teenager.

"No. There was definitely no pact. There was a group of girls who decided that they were gonna ... they were already pregnant before they decided this. That they were gonna help each other with their kids so they could finish school and raise their kids together, to do the right thing was their decision. Not, let's get pregnant, like, as a group," Oliver said.

Her baby's father, Andrew Psalidas, impetus for pregnant teenager and dumb ass.

"I would just guess to say that girls are just ... getting unlucky, maybe," he said.

"Lindsey was on birth control. She was very careful with it, you know, because, obviously, we, at 17 and 20, we're not ready for a kid. But we're trying a lot harder now to get ready, that's for sure," Psalidas said.

Oliver steals the microphone...

"Well, I think that they sit there and they say that they want to make a difference and it's awful that all these kids are getting pregnant, but they don't want to do anything to help them. They won't put contraceptives in the nurse's office or anything and no kid wants to go into the store and buy them, or like, ask them mom to help them get birth control. Like, it's embarrassing. So, instead of, like, making them make the decision not to use any of them, they should be giving them out in the nurse's office so you can get it anonymously," Oliver said.

I've been banging my head on my desk repeatedly, so forgive me if my diatribe loses it's sting due to extreme loss of blood.

I was 17 once. I had sex before and since (my credit card's got the proof). I have no children. Why's that, you ask? Without asking anyone, I was able to deduce the common reasoning that the condom goes OVER THE PENIS. Science would conclude that if the sperm does not enter the vagine, then there is no chance of pregnancy.

I don't understand how kids and Mexicans don't get it. Obviously if you're not smart enough to know when to have kids, the last thing you need to do is create more generations.

Idiocracy, here we come.