Which would you rather have?

OR

In the ongoing effort to avoid the jinx, let's just pretend that this is a totally hypothetical situation, okay?

Let's say you had your alma mater blazing the college football scene. They're legitimate favorites to win the title this year, and they've passed every test thrown at them this year.

Let's also say that the professional team you follow has spit the bit and is dangerously close to sucking all of the life from its fan base. A fan base, no less, that is threatening mutiny against the coach.

Let's also say, the two are directly related.

Which would you rather have? A National Championship for your alma mater, or a Super Bowl for your professional team.

The college window is extremely small. Given the turnover of students athletes, a team can have a window of maybe one or two years to put together a solid, experienced team to have a legitimate shot to win the whole thing. Even within those one or two years, everything has to go perfect. Every game matters, and a single slip ruins everything. Everyone else's schedules matter. The team is at the mercy of a screwed up polling and computer system.

The professional window is only slightly larger. Free agency has let to a turnover rate of players in the blink of a contract. Games can be lost, as the season allows for recovery, but playoffs are playoffs are playoffs and a single bad game can ruin the fun. The team is at the mercy of it's own set of egos and general jack-assery.

So, sexy reader, which would you rather have for yourself?


Again...this is totally hypothetical...it's not like anyone writing on this site has this situation currently presented to them. Nope, not a single one.

Panic!?! Don't mind if I do!!!

34-14

Ouch.

The Cowboys were every body's darlings at the beginning of the season. Everybody said they were the team to beat in the NFC.

Then comes week one.

A convincing win over a team that last year was a 10 win team.

Tom Brady gets hurt.

Week Two:

Shootout with other "good team" Philly in Dallas has people believing that Dallas now is the best in not just the NFC, but the NFL.

Week Three:

Goes to Green Bay and puts a whoopin on the Packers at Lambau.

Week Four-Six

Gets "upset" by Washington, barley beats a bad Cinncy team, and gets beat by Arizona.

Now 34-14. To the Rams.

Time to panic.

What can they do to turn the ship around?

Answer is simple.

Fire Wade Phillips.

If Jason Garret is the end all be all, let him have the rest of the season to prove it. If he can get this team in the play-offs and make some noise, its his team for the next 5 years. If he can't get this mash up of extremely talented players to the post season, he doesn't need to be here either.

And if he can't. Time to money whip Bill Cower.

These are dark days for the Cowboys, and over the next 3 weeks, we are going to see what this team has for balls.

If the season ended today, Cowboys are out of the playoffs.

Think about that.

No! No! No! No! Never! Never! No!

I know what we're running away from...

Disturbing news today from my arch-nemesis, PETA....

"PETA is asking the owners of Kentucky Derby winner Big Brown to take a $50 million cut in pay.

The People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals has sent a letter to owners Michael Iavarone and Richard Schiavo begging them to castrate the colt"

Why? What did we ever do to PETA beside enjoy a nice steak?

What's worse is that I can think of about 5 ex-girlfriends of mine who would be willing to sign this petition...jeez, it's not like I didn't punch them in the stomach when I was done to make sure nothing bad happened.

"Are you guys alive and paying attention?"

How Brown feels these days...a coked up Brit.

The obvious answer to your question is the picture above.

No. Apparently both of us have jobs that pay bills and such.

Personally, I'm going to say shock, really. I mean...so much going on, and everyone is covering it already.

Time for quick hits...

-Tony Romo, breaks pinky (apparently it was a Cardinal sack, and not providing Jessica with that extra dirty loving that white girls appreciate). Originally thought to be out four weeks. Receives phone call from Brett Favre. Now claims to want to play this Sunday in St. Louis. I guess that can only mean that Brett Favre really is God. Now how about curing Michael J. Fox's Parkinson's, Brett? We want, nay, we need Teen Wolf 4.

-Terrence Newan, still injured.

-Felix Jones, torn hamstring. Felix is out for 2-3 weeks. So much for Jerry's Razorback Wunderkind. Lucky for us, I truly believe that Tarshard Choice is a solid back up to Barber. He isn't the flash that Jones is, but he certainly is better than anyone else in recent years.

-Pat Watkins, still hurt.

-Kyle Kosier, injured Jew. Big, we're looking in your direction.

-Flozell Adams, shoulder stinger. Technically this is the equivalent of temporary paralysis...yet somehow he still gets false start penalties. I wonder how well this will go over in 2013 when he's still under contract.

-Roy Williams, still injured. No one cares.

-Roy Williams, new addition. To quote a text message I sent to Big, "Finally, the REAL Roy Williams has come back to Texas!" I take full credit for this. I bet Jerry read this. I don't have anything else to say, except it was quite the week for Texas fans.

-Let's see, did I forget anything? Anything? Anyone? Beuller? Fry? ...Ahh yes, Q-bert strikes again. Pacman Jones, out for 4 games, minimum, maybe forever. You have one responsibility, don't fuck up. You sit out for 1.5 years and you are consistently reminded, don't fuck up. You see what happens to Mike Vick, and you're reminded, don't fuck up. You get a daily allowance from Jerry Jones with a note saying, don't fuck up. You finally get a taste of freedom and what do you do? YOU FUCK UP. I hope I'm not the only one who thinks Pacman Jones is slowly patterning himself after Brooks from "The Shawshank Redemption". He only knows how to exist "on the inside", and when he was finally free, he killed himself.

That's the worst comparison I've ever made. I'm sorry.

Oh, and to apologize for the Amy Winehouse picture above, here's an olive branch...

Megan Fox in a Star Wars T-Shirt. She'll never do me wrong. Ever.

"Barbie Carpenter Suck Watch" : Day 898

"Bobby Carpenter doesn’t have the upside of a lot of the linebackers in this draft, but he looks like a safe bet to be a solid NFL linebacker. As long as his ankle checks out fine - and it should - Carpenter will be a Day One selection and should move on to a successful NFL career."

--Football's Future, 2006

Don't worry, we'll be okay.

As sexy reader, Carl B, pointed out to me this morning, we've suffered a broken foot and our racing career is over.

Godspeed, you fucking horse. Godspeed.

College Football Round Up - Week 7 - The pay Off

Mack get to Be the Cracker this Week!

Did you like that little Saturday of college football? I hope you did. In the greatest month of the year, we had what could have been one of the more entertaining Saturday of recent memory. Not only did we see 3 top 5 teams go down, but we the build up for the rest of the year only intensifies.

One more side note before my rankings. How bad does Georgia feel this morning? They have lost only once, and it was to the current number 2 team in the nation, yet they are ranked 10th. That's behind Florida(lost to unranked team), USC (lost to unranked team), and Oklahoma (just lost to number one team). So your telling me that loseing to Texas is 6 polls spots more impressive than losing to Alabama? riiiiggghhhtttt.

This is my top 10, in two tiers, in wrestling terms.

Main Eventers.

No. 5 Texas (win 45-35, No. 1 Oklahoma) What can I say about this fantastic game that hasn't already been said? Texas did what they needed to do to win, played just enough defense to win, got some love from the kicking game, and just flat out won the game. I really hope the Horns don't rest of their morals, they have a pissed off Mizzou team coming to town this week. !!!!EDIT!!!! Tommy Bowden just got canned in Clemson. Why did I put this here? I'm calling it, Muschamp goes there!!!!!

No. 2. Alabama (idle) - Seriously, we need the SEC and Big 12 championship game winner to battle for the BCS title. Please don't take this from me. Bama didn't play this week, and they probably liked it that way.

No. 6 Penn State (win 48-7, Wisconsin) - OK, so maybe Wisconsin isn't as good as people thought they were, but putting up 48 on them is crazy. State did it with Passing, Rushing, and Special teams on Saturday night. Daryll Clark had 244, and 3 total TD's. It was about 3 or so weeks ago I said i wasn't going to put a big ten team in the top ten yet here Penn State sits, my number 3 team in the land.

No. 7 Texas Tech (win 37-31 OT, Nebraska) - Yes, the had to take the Huskers to OT, but a win is a win. With a team like Tech, you always here about their great QB's and WR's, and this year is no different with Harrell and Crabtree, but what won them this game was the play of Sophomore running back Baron Batch. 10 Rushes, 97 yards, with a long of 49. He has that big play, take it to the barn at any moment, that complements the spread so well.

No. 11 Florida (win 51-21, No. 4 LSU) - LSU got by during the first 5 weeks of the season on the idea that last year they were very good, and this year they were going to bring back the same defensive mindset that made them so good last year. Thing about that is, that was last year. This year, they allowed 265 yards on the ground to Florida. 265! Freshmen Jeffrey Demps averaged almost 13 yards a carry, and had over 120 yards.

Mid Card Guys

No. 10 Georgia (win 26-14, Tennessee) - Florida gets the nod over Georgia for fact they have beaten better teams, but the Dawgs aren't far behind them in the one loss category. 26-14 looks kinda close, but the game really wasn't at all. Georgia out gained Tennessee by over 200 total yards. Matt Staford had a very Romo like day, going over 300, but trowing the 2 picks that kept Tenn in the game.

No. 17 Oklahoma State (win 28-23, No. 3 Missouri) - I am a big proponent of undefeated with an easier schedule is better than one loss with a hard schedule, but I can't put Oklahoma State in front of the two big one loss SEC teams yet. The win over Mizzou puts them in my top 10, and gives them a legit shot at a BCS title. But so far that is the only real nice win they have. They play Texas in 2 weeks, so we shall see.

How did they beat Chase Daniels? Getting in his head and picking off 3 passes helped, so did holding them to 2-9 on third downs. Another young star, Kendall Hunter, had a nice game running the ball for the Cowboys too, 24-154. Last week vs. A&M was the only time he hasn't gone over 100 this year, and he got damn close with 90.

No. 9 Brigham Young (win 21-3, New Mexico) - Another day, another win for BYU. I put them up this far to remind everybody that they play TCU this Thursday, and its going to be one hell of a game.

No. 8 USC (win 28-0, Arizona State) - Watch out for the Trojans, as they have now beating the two teams in the pac 10 with that had the best chance of upsetting them for a pac 10 championship, Oregon and Arizona State. Joe McKnight carried this team with his biggest game of the year, 12 touches, 150 yards. They have a real good shot at sneaking back in this thing.

No. 1 Oklahoma (loss 35-45 No. 5 Texas) - Texas doesn't have an easy road to hoe, they have Mizzou, OSU, Tech and A&M still to play, so it isn't crazy to think they could lose 2 of those games. If they do, Oklahoma will be right there to retake the number one slot in the south. Bob Stoops beter have his boys ready, though, they have Kansas and the fighting Mangino's coming into town this week. Either they will play pissed off after the Texas loss, or be so dejected that Kansas can steal one in Norman.

Developmental Guys. (not the next best teams, but some teams to watch out for)

No. 23 Michigan State (win 37-20 , Northwestern) - There goes Browns Vandy-Northwestern BCS game, but Michigan State isn't a nobody. This team can play a little bit. They got a running back by the name of Javon Ringer, who already has over 1,000 yards and 14 touchdowns this year. He's a nice looking back at 5-9 202lbs.

No. 22 North Carolina (win 29-24, Notre Dame) - As much as I think Notre Dame should have won this game, UNC has a nice little squad. WR Hakeem Nicks went over 100 yards for the third time this year with 141 on 9 catches vs. the Irish.

BCS Busters Watch.

No. 14 Utah (win 40-7, Wyoming) only 242 yards, but 40 points. Wow.

No. 15 Boise State (win 24-7, Southern Miss) - remember when Southern Miss was the next big thing? Not so much anymore as Boise held their QB to under 50% completion percentage.

No. 25 Ball State (win 24-7, Western Kentucky) - 200 yards on the ground will make even the coolest mascots hang their head.

Big Ups to all my Haters upset of the week could go to any number of team, but I'm going to give the nod to Mississippi State with their 17-14 upset over No. 13 Vanderbilt. Thus putting Vandy back in their hole, with their shine box.

Local Love

Tulsa 37, Southern Methodist 31 - Last second shot fail for the Ponys, but after Listening to June Jones talk today, he thinks the team has taken a step, and they now believe that they can win those type of games. Unlike......

Louisiana-Lafayette 59, North Texas 30 - I don't know if UNT can beat Euless Trinity right now. At one point, early in the third, i got a text, "hey man, we just scored and the score is 35-27 and just forced them to punt, I'm feeling it man!" Followed 2 mi nets later with "never mind we just through a pick, we suck again." That's some Dodge Ball brother!

TCU 13, Colorado State 7 - Ahh yes, TCU the only local team with some gusto. I know they are more than 6 points better than Colorado State, so I hope they were just looking foward to this weeks Sunday night bru haha vs. BYU. Frogs vs. Mormons, you can cut the Hate with a butter knife.

Tony Romo's finger is broken!!

HOW DID IT HAPPEN!!!

Was it from a sack?


Was it getting kicked in the finger?


Too much Guitar Hero?


No!

It was....




THE IRON KEGELS OF DOOM!!

How to fix the Dallas secondary....

The red part is the defense. It's bleeding. The offense is blue. It's cold.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing all the Cowboy posts and not mentioning a certain football program from my alma mater. If you think I was scared of jinxing them before, you have no idea now. Not even Dorsey can pull me off sides with his Alabama chatter.

I already addressed the Owens situation, so I wanted to follow up with the Dallas secondary.

Wasn't this group supposed to be the most feared in the league? Newman, Henry, Jones, Jenkins, Scandrick, Hamlin, Williams (HA!), Watkins and Davis?

Let's go through that again:
Newman - Injured. Again.
Henry - I love this guy. The fact you never hear about him or his side of the field should tell you something.
Jones - Might have the iron hand of Der Kommisar Goodell laid down upon him
Jenkins - Rookie
Scandrick - Rookie
Hamlin - Does a fine job as well
Williams - Injured. Can't cover bread with peanut butter and a knife.
Davis - Special Teamer
Watkins - Hurt.

Oh boy.

So how do the Cowboys fix the leaks? Well, one advantage that Dallas has that they really didn't have before is they still have a pass rush. Yes, I said it, they still have a pass rush. Remember when there was no Ware and Ellis? Exactly.

The trade deadline is tomorrow. I say, make a deal.

I'm fully aware of the fact that's much easier said than done, but hear me out.

Newman has proved his an injury risk, and when he did play this year, I believe he was made into someone's bitch. I like Newman, but if he's not 100%, he's a liability. The Pacman move hasn't exactly lit up the way we were all expecting it to, and if Goodell does take action, I say cut your losses and send him to Northwest Highway with whatever you can in singles.

So, who do you give and who do you get?

There are two immediate thoughts that come into my head:

1) Nnamdi Asomugha out of Oakland. I've been out there the past 5 or 6 weeks. This kid is good. Really good. And he's been franchised. I don't think the animated corpse of Al Davis is going to want to franchise this kid AGAIN or pay him the contract it would take to keep him on that sinking ship. Davis has already tied up a stupid amount of bonus money in terrible ideas like Tommy Kelly and Jevon Walker, I just doubt he can afford to keep one of the actually good players he has. Make a deal, send him big names that we have and he'll be happy. Really, I'm not kidding. Davis might be conned into taking Pacman (boy, talk about a good time, DeAngelo Hall and Pacman on the same team!) or the Cowboys can package something. Jerry Jones is Al Davis when Al Davis was a true architect (70's-80's)...see what you can muster.

2) Lito Sheppard out of Philly. Yes, I'm aware that it's more likely to get Champ Bailey than to trade with a division rival in a division that is ungodly competitive right now. Even Peter King thinks this isn't the worst idea. Philly was trying to move Sheppard before, and they pretty much signed his death warrant by bringing in Samuel this offseason. Jerry Jones has pulled off weird shit before, I'm thinking maybe a 11th hour miracle could be put in play.

I don't claim to have the solution, but I know that over the next 6 weeks, the defense is going to have to win games because without Romo, a terrible offensive line, and the special teams acting like swiss cheese, the rest of the team isn't going to do a damn thing to win.

The Curious Case of Terrell Owens

I'm going to start this by updating what I've already written. The Wild Card might be the target this season as it just came down that Romo is out for 4 weeks with a broken finger. Bad news for Cowboy fans. More reason to hate Jessica Simpson and her iron trap kegel muscles.

I'd like this picture if we were happy fans right now...

Terrell Owens. Some people see his name and think of a dude doing sit ups in a drive way. Some think of one of the greatest receivers to play football. Some think he's a walking Orville Redenbacher's commercial. Me? I dunno, I'm probably the second option leaning to the third.

Anyway, if you've seen the past few games (or read box scores and reviews like me) you'll see that Owens hasn't done much. Has he faced lock down corners? Not really. Has he been ignored? Not really. In fact, both Romo and Jerry Jones have said that they are trying to actively get the ball to Owens, quite possibly to the detriment of the rest of the offense.

Now, more than ever with the Romo injury and the hemorrhaging offensive line, T.O. Owens needs to get the ball and needs to make plays. The question is...how?

Innovative routes? Trick plays? The Wildcat formation? Change jersey numbers? Change his last name to Ocho Uno? Jason Witten becoming Antonio Gates?

The curious case is solved not by Owens or Romo/Johnson/Bollinger, but by Patrick Crayton.

If I'm a defensive coordinator and I'm playing the Cowboys, here's my strategy:
- 4 man rush against the week offensive line.
- 2 linebackers rushing the quarterback
- 1 linebacker spying or dropping back to cover the slot/flat
- 1 corner and 1 safety dedicated to Owens
- 1 corner for Crayton
- 1 safety playing zone or robber, if not blitzing

(See? Even my alcoholic brain managed to figure out the Dallas offense...)

The Cowboy offensive line has proven they can't stop a wet sneeze, so the extra combo of Witten or Curtis with a running back have to stay in to help protect the pocket. That leaves the two receivers on the outside. I can dedicate double coverage to shut down Owens, a guy you can bump off his route and he won't recover before my rush gets to the quarterback.

What about Crayton?

No one. I repeat, no one is afraid of Patrick Crayton. The Cowboy offense is not built around having two receivers. It's Owens, a check down to Witten and then a check to the flat. You remove everyone else and go man on Crayton, you'll stop him more than you'll get burnt.

Patrick Crayton has to instill the fear of God in defensive coordinators so they are kept honest and must open the coverage off of Owens to cover Crayton or decrease the rush, thus giving Romo the time he needs for Owens to free himself off the bump.

Think about Arizona, a bonefied two receiver offense. Boldin's out, but the Cowboys can't pull coverage off of "receiver two" and put it on Fitzgerald. Steve Breaston has the best game since his Wolverine days. Why? The offense is catered around both Boldin and Fitzgerald. Just because Boldin isn't there, doesn't mean the Cowboys could ignore him, so Warner has a wide open Fitzgerald to throw to, and Breaston breaks coverage if the Cowboys try and play off him to get Fitzgerald. Now you've got two first options, your check down to Pope and then the check to the flat. The two receiver offense at work.

Patrick Crayton must destroy other defenses CONSECUTIVELY and prove things to three people:
1) to Jason Garrett that he has a second/first option to build into the playbook
2) to Tony Romo that there is another option to look at prior to checking down to Witten
3) to Defensive Coordinators that they must fully respect Dallas's two receiver set and they can't commit to a 8 man rush AND a double up on Owens.

Once Crayton (or another legit number 2...) becomes that "fear of God" threat, then you'll really see Terrell Owens have the break out he needs.

The Middle 12, or the Big East (wait that really is something)

Can't take credit for this one, but a buddy sent me this email. Thought it was funny. Here you have it.

The Big 12 compared to the Middle East:

-TEXAS: Iran. Somewhat of a controlling power in the region but it will all come crashing down because they have a highly functioning retard as a leader.

-KANSAS: Kuwait. Tons of riches and unrealized potential, but still vulnerable to Iran.

-NEBRASKA: Iraq. A wealth of history but the country as a whole is going in the tank and they will kill themselves off before it's all over.

-OKLAHOMA: Saudi Arabia. A proud kingdom, once torn up by fighting but known for historic past and prosperous future, surrounded by Iran and Iraq , with fanatics in Al-Qaeda (see below) who'll stop at nothing to bring them down.

-MISSOURI: Syria. Evil schemers who will stoop to whatever level they need to win. No real history to speak of but thinks they are the cradle of civilization.

-OKLAHOMA STATE: Al Qaeda. No real country, just a movement of disgruntled fanatics who live to destroy the hope of those more fortunate. No other goal in life than to bring down the House of Saudi Arabia. Terrorizing that country in the late 90's and early 2000 years is the crowning achievement in their history. Signing day was a major setback to the movement. They are fanatically loyal to their new leader.

-KANSAS STATE: Palestinian territories. No one really cares or worries about them unless they can be of some use (i.e. winning a battle once in a while against Iran that causes a bit of shake up in(rankings)

-IOWA STATE: Qatar. Where is Qatar? Is it in our area?

-Texas A&M: Afghanistan. Not much going for it other than the crazy- commoners.

-BAYLOR: Israel. None of the others understand why they're in the area. Just leave them alone for God's sake. What did they ever do to you?

-COLORADO: Morocco. Not really part of the Middle East. Have other things to do than fight (or play football). Rumor is you can always go there for a good time.

-TEXAS TECH: Libya. Has a charismatic leader in a land of nothingness who will rattle his sword but knows he doesn't have a whole heck of a lot to back it up. Pulls the occasional sneak-attack and cries 'Victory!'

You should read the Seattle paper tomorrow

Why?

Because there's a chance you'll read a story of a certain suntanned superhero blogger getting arrested.

Why?

I'm standing on Qwest field where I believe Tony Romo muffed a certain field goal snap, and after all I've drank, I feel the need to defecate.

Did Microsoft pay to rent the stadium tonight? Yes.

Did I meet the Sea-Gals cheerleaders? Yes.

Does bubble turf absorb watery, beer-based human stool? We're about to find out.

Godspeed, Dallas. Don't forget the Cowboy fans who give of themselves.

College Football Round up - Week 6 - The Set Up.

Holy Crap, maybe now I can get one of the 4 Hot Chicks

At our school! Hazaaa!

Last week we had the crazy upset Saturday that always happens in college football. Something like 9 teams from the top 25 lost, including several from the top 10. This week we saw a return to form so to speak, as all the top dogs not only won, but did so with some gusto.

Even thought, that doesn't mean the weekend wasn't full of good times. I hate to bring this back to wrestling (no i don't, i do it when ever I can), but to have a truly bad ass main event, you need to do certain things. Yea, it's cool to see John Cena vs. Dave Batista, but if its just a Monday night, and you flip on the TV, and Jim Ross says at the beginning of Raw, "Tonight we have a special match, Cena vs. (dave) Batista." Your excited, you know its going to be a good match, but you aren't really that invested in such a short feud.

How much better would John vs Dave be if over the last 3 or 4 or 5 weeks, each guy kept talking about the other one. Kept beating people up and then grabbing a mike to say "Dave, this is what I'm going to do to you." The anticipation is what makes people buy PPV's in wrestling. It's what keeps smucks like me watching week to week. All the build up and then POW! the match is here and you are pumped.

That's what happens in college football every week. You take certain games and circle them, saying this is going to be a good game. Then every week you cheer for both teams, hopping that each looks good and plays well so that when they finally do meet, they are both undefeated, at full strength, and popping on all cylinders. Everybody loves a fun little upset, but everybody loves the Main Event at the PPV even more.

That's what this week was about. Building the drama for the next couple of weeks. Here is the rundown.

Main Eventers

No. 1 Oklahoma (win 49-17, Baylor) - Normally this score wouldn't surprise me in the least, but Art Briles, the Baylor coach, brought over with him this kid Robert Griffin, who is a freshmen QB, and can out right play. He is the typical athlete QB, who makes plays with his feet. I thought the Sooners were going to have their hands full. I was wrong. The 52 yard bomb in the first 3 min was the message they wanted to send. They look stronger than Ive seen them in years coming to Dallas this weekend to play the Horns.

No. 4 Missouri (win 52-17, Nebraska) - I really thought the Huskers were going to give Chase Dainiels a run for their money in the North this year, but just like the Oklahoma game, 3 plays into this one, Missouri sent a message that they weren't overlooking shit in this game. I know Missouri's offense was good, but putting up 462 yards of total offense is crazy.

No. 5 Texas (win 38-14, Colorado) - I'm sure the majority of Texas fans watched the OU game earlier in the day, and thought to themselves "well, if they can do that, just watch what we are going to do to a better Colorado team!" Why? Because that's the way most Texas fans think. Thank goodness they did what they did. Now this sets up the super fight that everybody wants to see this weekend at the State Fair of Texas.

No. 4 LSU (idle) - Are they for real? We find out this weekend when they go to Florida. The night cap of Main Event Saturday.

No. 2 Alabama (win 17-14, Kentucky) - The phrase "trap game" gets thrown around alot, and in this case was true. The Tide needed all of Glen Coffee and his 225 yards rushing, because the "make or break" guy on the team, QB Jon Wilson, almost broke them against a shitty Wildcat team. On an interesting side note, my sports company did the Frisco Centennial game this weekend, and their QB is a stud, and he just committed to Kentucky. Interesting note(not really).

Mid Carders

No. 6 Penn State (win 20-6, Purdue) - I'm going to regret this, but I am really starting to like JoePa's team. I will regret it because they are in the Big Ten, and they will probably lose this week. The dual treat QB Darl Clark proved he can do a little something something through the air this week, going 18-26 and 220, but it was the Defense that really proved they can play, holding a so-so Purdue offense to just 241 and 1 late TD. Time to prove your worth, they go to Wisconsin this weekend, who's pissed they pissed away a game vs. OSU.

No. 7 Texas Tech (win 58-28, Kansas State) - On the road, against a team many thought would upset you, Tech rolls out 38 first half points. Grahm Harrell goes off for 454 and 6 TD's, doing his best impression of "don't forget about me bitches." They now have Nebraska at home, who got lit up by Mizzou, at Texas AM, who got lit up by Oky State, and at Kansas, who can't stop anybody from scoring on them. Look at what could happen in the next three weeks, Texas beats OU then goes down to Mizzou, LSU gets rocked by Florida, Penn State can't handle Wisconsin, Alabama gets shocked at Rocky Top in 2 weeks, and Mizzou can't score enough to beat Oky State this weekend, look who's your number one team, Tech! It sounds crazy, but not all that crazy.

No. 9 USC (win 44-10, No. 23 Oregon) - At the end of the year, when we are looking at 4 or 5 one loss teams, somebody is going to say "Look USC, they are playing the best football in the country right now, they should be in the championship game." And a small part of me will die.

No. 8 Brigham Young (win 34-14, Utah State) - Just for shits a giggles, what happens if the Tech scenario plays out that way, know who your number 2 team in the land will be? The Mormons. What can the BCS do if BYU is the only unbeaten team at the end of the year? They will be in the top 3 for sure if that happens, but will they keep them out of the championship game? Don't worry to much about this one, BYU will drop a game, probably to TCU.

No. 19 Vanderbilt (win 14-13, No. 13 Auburn) - I don't really think Vandy has the 10th best team in the nation, but they do the 10th or so best shot at getting to the BCS championship game. The win over Auburn gives them some legitimacy, and if they rock out the rest of the SEC conference schedule (they won't) they are in the hunt fo sho. The win also gives offensive coordinators in the SEC nightmares about having to play another good defensive team. You know what keeps Vandy warm at night? That's right, those degrees.

Deveolpmental Guys. (not the next best teams, but some teams to watch out for)

No. 21 Oklahoma State (win 56-28, Texas A&M) - I was kinda pissed they didn't have this game one TV somewhere, not because I'm a big Aggie guy (i am), but I really wanted to watch OSU play, and more specifically, Zac Robinson get his 5 TD's.

Notre Dame (win 28-21, Stanford) - I know its only Stanford, but a win Saturday brought the Irish record to 4-1. That's almost bowl eligible! I'm not going to say that this team is back, and are ready to take on the top 10, but I have been pleased with what the Irish has been doing recently. Jimmy Clausen when 29-40 347 and 3 td's. This week they get a solid UNC team, and if they win that one, they need to be looked at like a top 25 team again.

BSC Buster Teams

No. 17 Boise State (win 38-3, Louisiana Tech)

No. 15 Utah (win 31-28, Oregon State)

Big ups to all my haters upset of the week is not from a game, but just form an idea of life. Ball State is ranked, and that's fantastic. Silly sophomoric driven Bloggers(read:us) are excited that Ball State is ranked.

Little Bit of Local Love.

TCU (win 41-7, San Diego State) - Held SDSU to 85 total yards, including -13 rushing. That's what I'm talking about.

SMU (loss 31-17, UCF) - almost at bad a loss as.....

UNT (loss 42-10 Florida International) - I have a feeling we might be looking at a 0-12 record. yeesh.

My New Favorite non Cowboy NFL Star

You Can't Controll what the Ball do! Its Crazy Man!

Chad Ocho Cinco.

This is stolen almost verbatum from The Mighty MJD.

Here is some quotes from Chaz Cinco.

On wanting to become a Cowboy someday.

"Let me tell you, I don't mean to be funny ... I'm not tried to be rude or [tick] anybody off, but if I was in Dallas, they would have to change all of our damn games to pay-per-view because you need to pay to see that [stuff] ... Because you can't just watch a show like that for free; 81 and 85? Come on, now. Please."

"Tell Jerry Jones I said hello, and give me a call some time."

On "showing respect" if he scores this weekend in Irving.

"That's America's team. It's one of the greatest organizations ever. This week, to show my respect for Dallas and its owner, Jerry Jones, I'm going to score and I'm going to kiss the star. I'm telling you, I'm not being rude about anything, I'm going to kiss the star."

On "leting the old 85 back out"

"We are 0-and-4. So therefore, I think my mouth needs to start running again, and get this [stuff] going, excuse me. Whether you like me or not, whether you like the stuff that I do or not, it ain't right. We 0-and-4, and I'm gonna get it stirred back up the way it used to be ... I told Mr. Brown, early today in practice, I'm lettin' the cat out the bag. He ignored me."

And the best for last, On why the Bengals suck this year.

"Think about this: You remember our '05 season right? Our '05 season we were unbelievable. Our '05 season is the year everybody went to jail and got arrested. That year everybody got in trouble. So maybe the bad was a good thing ... We have cleaned house and nobody is getting in trouble anymore, no DUIs, no arrests, now we're getting our [heineys] whopped. Maybe, I don't know, maybe I should go out, have a drink, get in trouble."

Man, that guy is FUCKING CRAZY!

I love him so.

So, there's a man and woman arguing on TV tonight...

Me, watching any television these days

This isn't a political post, so my rule still applies. If you try and make it one in the comments, you'll wish to God I don't find out who you are because I will scoop out your innards with a god damned taster spoon from Baskin Robbins and then let the Bear play in your guts like he's a pig in shit.

Apparently, there's a debate tonight between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin, the vice presidential candidates. If you haven't been watching television, this is, supposedly, going to be the most watched and scrutinized event in the history of television. Ever. As in, if you don't watch this, you will be considered some kind of dirty Canadian and smarmy, know-it-all ass hats will look down on you with disdain.

I'm not a follower of politics. Not because I don't want to be uninformed, but because I don't care. It's not apathy, because I actually am aware of issues and how the government is handling it, I just don't care one way or the other what someone has to say about it. Run a "Wizards of Waverly Place" marathon on the Disney Channel versus a House Subcommittee meeting on C-SPAN, and chances are, my television is tuned to the Mouse. (Note: this happened for a week straight at a La Quinta.)

I keep hearing about how this is the most important election ever, in America's 232 years, there has never been a more important election. "Vote or Die" I'm told, like if I choose to abstain from voting, somehow my face will melt like "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

Look, every election is important. The only reason it's "more important" now than before is that the media and stupid people have more tools than ever. 24-hour news networks, blogs, YouTube, all of it. If you want to have a voice, you can share it, and thereby you believe you'll influence some throng of people to think like you.

Here's the bottom line, and I can't make it any clearer: No one cares what you think.

I mean it.

It's like Fantasy Football. That's great, you play and you have like 4 different teams in the leagues you're in. That applies to you and you alone. I don't want to hear about who you have on what team because your thoughts don't apply to me.

I don't need Wolf Blitzer, Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Jack Cafferty, Bill Maher, or a gaggle of actors and musicians telling me what they think of Sarah Palin shooting a moose or Joe Biden telling a crippled man to stand up.

Go form your own opinion about issues and those that represent them and, most importantly, KEEP THEM TO YOUR FUCKING SELF.

Don't try and engage me in a debate or conversation. Don't pollute my ears with your discourse on how Bush has either fucked the world or helped the world. Don't waste my time trying to explain how Obama loves gay people or McCain hates blacks. I don't care, and the chances are, no one around you cares either.

I should mention that this only applies to political opinions. Sports debates are fun and cheeky.

This had better not be a joke

You remember being in high school or college and you realized way too late in the game that you've spent the entire night hitting on a girl who was really just a cock tease in the worse kind of way?

(I can't say this has happened to me. Not because I have awesome game or anything, I'm just too shy/terrified to approach a woman. I have a creepy stare from across the room until the cops, bouncer or a random dude threatens me with bodily harm for "stalking." GHB works for me!)

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah, Nintendo announced that Punch-Out is coming to the Wii in 2009!

Glass Joe, still everyone's bitch.

Big, now on the Wii

I wonder what I'll look like...

Best. Metaphor. Ever.

I agree with your thoughts sir. Do you have a newsletter I may subscribe to?

Over the past couple of days, I've had to notable points about how absurdly shitty it is to be a Rangers fan. Well, Richie Whitt (yes, he of Greggo's story fame), at the Dallas Observer Sportatorium Blog had this metaphor in regards to Danks pitching a gem to get the White Sox into the playoffs.

"You must be sickened after watching lefty John Danks, once upon a time one of Texas’ best prospects, pitch like Sandy Koufax in a game that got his team into October. Three days’ rest. Two hits. One championship.

Perfect. Danks has 12 wins and is already a post-season hero. Texas’ return for him – Brandon McCarthy – finished the year with one win and countless injuries.

Sorry Rangers fans, but the girl you dumped just won Miss America. The girl you’re dating: Herpes."

Wow. Just perfect.

So, let's recap. Danks pitching like Koufax in Chicago. Adrian Gonzalez as the best value in baseball in San Diego. Tex protecting Vlad in Anaheim.

And I'm supposed to look forward to Neftali Perez, the Lizard and Chris Davis?

You people are making it too easy

I'm making it my personal mission to end the reign of OK City Thunder (can we create a nickname for them? suggestions?)

I plan on mocking them any and every chance I get, even if it means turning on Kevin Durant. I was always a TJ Ford and Dr. Dunkenstein (Chris Mihm) fan myself, so I don't feel too bad about this.

However, the NBA media day photos were released, and courtesy of the blog, Craig Sager's Suit, I need no more ammunition than this:

Look out for the Thunder, they've got a mean looking Ron Weasley, er, Robert Swift.

Can they make the mascot a giant Snarf?

And the Baseball Playoffs will start......NOW!

So after former Ranger Jon Danks tossed a shutout last night (slamms head on table), here is what the Playoffs look like.

ChiSox vs. Rays

BoSox vs. The The Angles Angles

Dodgers vs. Cubs

Brew Crew vs. Philly

You know who's excited to be in the playoffs?

Prince Feilder.

(not photoshopd, that's really Prince, with milk?)

Things Big Hates - A New Thread

Jews

I'm kidding, I poke fun because i'm German, and I have a Jew Fro, and not a small nose. Its a juxtaposition i live with every day.

I consider myself a bit of an optimist. I try and always look on the brighter side of life, a real glass half full kind of guy right?

Well, despite my best efforts, there are things in this world that rub me the wrong way. I'm not talking about everyday things, like stupid fucking drivers who think they are kings of the road, and will speed past you on an on ramp while your in traffic, and wait till the last second to merge into the highway, only to get pissed off that somebody isn't letting them in right away.

No. I'm talking about things that probably shouldn't make me mad. Things like the song "Blister in the Sun." I would gladly give 3 days of the end of my life to never have to hear that piece of shit song ever again in my life. I don't know why I don't like it, I just do. And I swear to the good lord if you write lyrics to that song in the comments, I'm going to make it a personal mission to make you my bitch on this blog. You have been warned.

So with all that as background, let me introduce you to the first in what may become a lengthily list of things I hate, People who EBay their Fandome.

So let me get this straight, you have been a die hard fan of a certain team, in this case, the Bengals, and when things get shitty, or in your case, stay shitty, then you ask people to bid on you, so you can have a better team to root for.

I don't care that this particular case is for charity. If you are asking me to pay for your allegiance, then you are nothing better than a mercenary sports fan. And I don't like you.

I understand that if you are getting into a sport that you weren't ever into, say Euro Soccer, and you have no tie to city, player, nation, or even color choice, that you would want someone to help you pick a decent team to watch, so you can enjoy yourself. A quote from the EBay:

"I AM doing this because I have given up all hope. I want to know what it's like to be a fan of a team who has an owner and front office that cares about its team and the people who support his team"

We have name for people who are like this, BandWagoners. They are quick to jump on a winning band wagon just so they can be "cool" and like the "hip" team. Hell look how many Boston Red Socks hat's you see at any give mall. Next time you see one of those guys, go ask them who plays third base for Boston, and i guarantee that over half of them will say "Big Papi?"

Your a douche and I hate you.

Oh to be a Rangers fan...part deux

I already mentioned how much it pains me to see John Danks possibly pitching the ChiSox into the postseason...then I come across this.

Adrian Gonzalez the best value in baseball.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

-Only eight players finished with more home runs than Gonzalez: Ryan Howard ($10 million), Adam Dunn ($13 million), Carlos Delgado ($16 million), Manny Ramirez ($20 million), Albert Pujols ($13.8 million), Ryan Ludwick ($411,000), Miguel Cabrera ($11.3 million) and Ryan Braun ($455,000, plus $2.3 million bonus).

-Seven players finished with more RBI than Gonzalez: Howard, Josh Hamilton ($396,830), Justin Morneau ($8.4 million), David Wright ($5.25 million) and Mark Teixeira ($12.5 million).

-Gonzalez was one of five players to play in 162 games this season: Ichiro ($17.1 million), Raul Ibanez ($5.5 million), Morneau and Howard were the others.

Gonzalez also plays Gold Glove-level defense, as he finished with a .996 fielding percentage. That number is equal to that of Albert Pujols who won the Gold Glove in 2006, and is .003 better than 2007 winner Derek Lee.

Sure thing, Nolan Ryan, let's keep Daniels in office. After all, Chris Young and Adrian Gonzalez for Adam Eaton and Aki Otsuka turned out to work so much in the Rangers favor.

Oh yeah, you remember why this trade was made, right? Teixera was a fixture at first base so Gonzalez would never be on the field, and Eaton was a ground ball pitcher instead of the strike out pitcher that Young was.

Shit.

Hat tip: Awful Announcing

Something to take your mind off the fact that we have no money anymore

Worse than an entire watermelon

I needed to grab a quick breakfast this morning, and I saw the cups of yogurt at the hotel. It was either Activia yogurt or some crazy "Fruit on the Bottom" shit that I just don't trust.

So, without thinking or reading carefully, I picked the Activia.

Sweet mother of God, I think I just gave birth to a small Filipino child.

Apparently, no one told me that this yogurt is infused with some kind of fiber bacteria that is meant for 50 year old women to eat and cleanse their bloated, menopausal colons.

Fuck you, Hampton Inn, for providing it. Fuck you, Dannon, for making it.

Wait a second. I've never felt this great in my life.

I take it back, Hampton Inn and Dannon. Thank you for the greatest shit of my life.

I'm pretty sure I could outrun Usain Bolt.

Oh to be a Rangers fan...

I'm getting ready to go to work this morning, and I've put on Sportscenter. Again, as much as ESPN's machine tends to furiate me, it's better than hearing about how I have no money left in the morning...and I have a bit of a crush on Hannah Storm.

Anyway, they were discussing the big playoff between the ChiSox and Twins tonight and discussing probable starters. Lo and behold, on 3 days rest, the Chicago White Sox felt that the guy they needed and wanted to pitch them into the postseason was none other than this guy:

That angry faced man is none other than John Danks, former Ranger top prospect, traded away for Brandon McCarthy.

Let's revisit that logic for a minute.

The Rangers felt that McCarthy was much more polished and major league ready, and the White Sox were willing to let him go, so they pulled the trigger.

Now, McCarthy hasn't pitched all year for injury and Danks is the man Chicago is depending on to get them into the postseason.

That's one D doing well. The V had his best season yet. And the other D had Tommy John already and hasn't broken out of the minors.

Yup, welcome to Ranger-ville.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

"You gotta be kidding me"

College football round up - Week 5 - WTF

Bamma is Rolling, get it!

If college football kicks ass, and upsets kick ass, that's a lot of kick ass shit! This is the kind of weekend that you dream about if your an also ran in a conference, and the kind of weekend that keeps you up nights if your a top tier program. I simply can't believe what went down during this 3 day swing.

Teams in the top 25 that went down this weekend.

1. USC
3. Georgia
4. Florida
9. Wisconsin
16. Wake Forest
20. Clemson
22. Illinois
23. East Carolina
24. TCU

That's 9 teams, 4 in the top 10, that will be moving down in the polls. Holy Crap.

Brown said it best when he started asked questions about Pete Carrol and his ability to always fuck up a game or two a year when his team should destroy them, but he had it wrong with comparing him to Jim Tressel. Pete Carrol is the anti Jim Tressel. If its a big game, wither it be a bowl game, a national championship game, or a game against a big rival, Carroll has his team ready to play, they almost always win. Their only real loss that I can think of is in that type of situation is when they lost to Texas in BCS game, but it wasn't because of lack of effort or focus, it was because of one Vince Young, and his ability to take over that game.

Tressel always beats the teams he's supposed to, and that included beating Mich over the past 3 years. He should beat everybody in the Big Ten, especially at home, his team is that much better. What he doesn't do is go out and play teams that are on, or above his talent level well. The BCS games, the Vince Young Texas game (i know they won the next year, but again that's a game they should have won, they were better than freshmen colt mccoy texas), USC this year. He can't win those games.

Give me Carroll and his team losing focus when faced with Beavers(giggle), than going undefeated and getting trounced by some SEC team in the big game like Tressell.

(as an aside, don't read this as Tressell is the only reason OSU is losing big games. Most of the time from top to bottom when OSU plays one of the big boys, the other team has a better roster, but a good coach should be able to over come that at least 50% of the time.)

On to the Rankings. As per usual, this is my top ten teams, in two tiers, from most impressive, to least, and 5 teams to watch out for, named for if they were WWE superstars.

Main Eventers

No. 2 Oklahoma (win 35-10, No. 24 TCU) - What might be a surprise, Oklahoma gets the number one nod over Alabama due to the fact i think Oklahoma's win over TCU is only slightly less impressive than Alabama's win over Georgia. TCU has one hell of defense, and when a team can put up 436 yards of total offense on them, its impressive. WR Manuel Johnson had 5 catches for 206 yards, and to be a contender for the BCS you have to have people that can make plays, and I think averaging 41.2 yards per catch can be considered big play worthy.

No. 8 Alabama (win 41-30, No. 3 Georgia) - Most impressive part of Alabama's win Saturday night was holding Knowshawn Moreno to only 34 yards on 9 carries. In the SEC, if you can stop people from running the ball, you can win games. John Wilson (i can't call him john parker due to douche bag rules) did what he needed to do, which is not fuck up, by going 13-16 for 205, and no INT's. I still don't know if Bama will roll unscathed through the SEC, but this win makes them the team to beat from that hellashish conference.

No. 6. Missouri (idle) - What a nice week to have the week off, huh? Next 4 will be brutal, @ Nebraska, newly ranked Oklahoma State, @ Texas, and home to a good Colorado team. Time to see what they are made of.

No. 5 LSU (win 34-24, Mississippi State) - Most underrated RB in the SEC could be Charlls Scott. He's not getting alot of national love, but the replacement for Jacob Hester had another big day on the ground for the Tigers, 27 carries, 141 yards, 2 td's. You couple him with a secondary that held Mississippi State to only 175 yards passing, your doing pretty well.

No. 7 Texas (win 52-10, Arkansas) - I really wanted to use this game to see how good Texas was as compared to Alabama, because Alabama beat this Arkansas team 49-14 last week. Bama did it with 2 def TD's and running the ball like crazy, and Texas did pretty much the same thing. When you can hold a team to 2-13 on third downs, your winning most games by 30. Colt McCoy was responsible for 5 TD's, 3 through the air, 2 by ground. The only thing that worries me about this Texas team is whether or not one of the crew of RB's can Carrie the load when needed.

Mid Card Guys

No. 12 Penn State (win 38-24, No. 22 Illinois) - I told myself I wouldn't put a Big Ten team in the top 10 again until they proved something, but i really like what Penn State is doing these days. They have a dual threat QB Dayrll Clark, and a running game that put up 241 yards against a decent Illinois teams.

No. 13 South Florida (win 41-10, North Carolina State) - Brown likes to kid with the Vanderbilt vs. Northwestern BCS championship game, but he might not be that far off. How does Penn State vs South Florida sound? Penn is @ Purdue, @ Wisc, home Mich, @ Ohio State. not an easy schedule, but if they get through it, it will be hard for pollsters to keep them out of the top 3. Then there's South Florida, who should cruz till their last 2 games which are home vs. UConn(ranked!?!), and @ West Virginia. I know its not going to happen, but it could, and that would suck.

No. 10. Texas Tech (idle) - I told you last week this could be a top 5 team before they play anybody that matters.

No. 11. Brigham Young (idle) - Next big game that they could lose, 3 weeks, @ TCU.

No. 4 Florida (loss 31-30 Mississippi) - First the first time this year, a one loss team is in my top ten. Florida's loss to Mississippi is shocking, but if they go undefeated the rest of the year, they have the best shot to make it to the BCS title game. What was the main problem with the Gators on Saturday? 1-11 on third downs. That blows.

Developmental Guys. (guys to keep your eyes on, not necessarily the next 5 best teams.)

No. 17 Utah (win 37-21, Weber State) - Two late Weber TD's made this one look a lot closer than it was. Utah used a nice balanced attack with 450 total offense. BCS buster fo sho.

Oklahoma State (win 55-24, Troy) - OSU has quietly been putting points up on the board, and notches in the win column. Troy is no slouch and OSU handed them their asses with 612 total yards on offense, and controlling the ball for over 41 min. In two weeks they play Missou, and we will see what kind of team they are.

Notre Dame (win 38-31, Purdue) - I know some of you are thinking I’ve gone off the deep end, but this Notre Dame team isn't bad. Jimmy Clausen has been progressing, and they may have found their running back in Armando Allen Jr, as he broke out for 134 yards.

Northwestern (win 22-17, Iowa) - Hell if brown has them in the BCS game, I might as well talk a little bit about them. They have 5 wins, but none of them overly impressive. The offense averages 363 ypg, and 25 ppg. They are a nice little team that will enjoy the umovefree.com bowl, or something of that level.

Connecticut (win 26-21, Louisville) - 5-0 is good. Doesn’t really matter how you get there, but 5-0 is good. How are they doing it? Let me introduce you to Donald Brown. Mr. Brown has had over 145 yards rushing per game in the last 5 games. That over 900 yards he's gotten so far, and that's not even half way done with the year! UConn isn't world beaters, they are a nice little team, with a very nice RB.

I can't give one team the Big Ups to all my Haters upset, so i'll just let it slide this week.

One last thought, Does anyone have a problem with letting the winners of the Big 12, and SEC championship games just play each other for the title this year? It may be a 2 or 3 loss team, but who ever comes out on top of those conferences have some real moxy.

UNT lost. Bad. it was 52-20 at halftime. I watched most of the first half, and it was ugly. Never thought i would say these words, but is Dodge really any better than Dickey?

SMU lost too.

I concede. Peter King, you're out.

Funny caption!

I usually have a standard set of writers that I'll read during the week. Peter King at SI. Mike Silver at Yahoo!. Jason Whitlock at Fox Sports. Stewart Mandel at SI. Bill Simmons at ESPN. John Heyman at SI. Much more when basketball season kicks up. Nothing out of the ordinary. (FYI, the local writers have totally dropped off my radar. Every now and then I'll ready a JJT or Sherrington article, but only if someone tells me I should.)

However, for weeks on end now, I've pretty much given up on reading Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback. I've been reading this column every week he's written it since as far back as I can really remember reading sports on these here internets. King usually had/has good insight on happenings in the NFL, and there's no doubt that his sources are only outdone by Jay Glazer. (Side note, who wouldn't want to be Jay Glazer? The most plugged in man across the NFL, and participates in MMA fights for fun? Him and Joe Rogan...) Anyway, King just stopped giving a damn or...well, I can't really think of any other option. I don't have specific cases, but here's a quick run down of impressions I've gotten over the past year or so.

• King's a huge Boston area fan, but attempts to paint himself as an objective observer. Come on, at least Simmons admits his homer-ism and takes his whippings for it.
• The Favre obsession. Jeez. Note: Now has spilled over to Tony Romo.
• I know enough about Mary Beth King to realize that I would probably not get along with her.
• Starbucks isn't really what it used to be. We get it. Everyone knows that the same "baristas" work at every store on the planet. Quit sharing your thoughts on it and get your own fucking coffee maker.
• I'm gonna say it, Peter King doesn't care about black people. I have no evidence to prove it, but I think it backs up my point.
• King hates running quarterbacks. Mike Vick. Vince Young. I'm sure he hated Randall Cunningham (how dare he!), Rodney Peete and Steve Young (yes, he was a running quarterback in my book). He'll gush all over Donovan McNabb for "settling down in the pocket", but if you're a quarterback who thinks that running is an option, you better go to the AFL or CFL because the NFL is for pocket passers, chump!
• Does anyone really care about your travel schedule? No. Trust me, no one likes to hear about mine, and those are my friends. Imagine how strangers might feel about knowing that I had to sit next to a gassy fat guy for 4 hours.
• How do the Red Sox fit in to a football centric article? Again, admit it like Simmons or Whitlock with Ball State or Silver with Cal or stop it all together.
  

I kept reading thinking that King was in a slump, like Simmons was the past year or so. (Side note again, Simmons really just decided that since ESPN hired Reilly and Simmons already has a contract, he just doesn't care anymore and is writing the way he used to. I'm happy about that.) However, King just keeps getting worse and worse. It's like Whitlock and his "everyone hates black people including me" articles. Just give me the football insider information and quit with your opinion, holmes. Leave that to the unqualified and cycnical bloggers like Big.

I'm not taking anything away from Big...

...because I'm a big fan of his college football roundup on Mondays.

Mormons, they can be funny AND creepy

However, I've got to say, just what in the fuck happened this weekend?

I'd say this could be why college football is the best thing in the land. Every week counts, and nothing can be taken for granted.

This week's celebrations
-Gerry Dorsey and his Alabama crazy pants.
-Rich Rodriguez
-Fans of the Beaver. (giggle)
-Jevan Snead

Who's tasting the cold steel of a revolver in their mouth?
-Wisconsin. Well, at least the Brewers are doing something! Cheer up!
-Mark Richt. Yeah, good call on the "blackout", Alabama said it perfectly by saying it was Georgia's mother fucking funeral.
-Tebow. Oh, what the hell, ESPN still loves this guy and he won the Heisman with a 9-4 record, why should he give a damn?

You're new National Championship prediction

Vanderbilt vs. Northwestern

Oh yeah, just like my Bills in the Super Bowl pick.

Thing that still confuses me

Why is Pete Carroll still thought of as the greatest coach ever? Really, if Tressel (one national championship, damn near unbeaten against his rival), is considered a coach who can "never win the big one" because of his recent BCS failures. Why is Carroll (one national championship, damn near unbeaten again his rival) not mocked as a guy who always slips up on the easy game? Granted, I hate USC, but come on, this guy hasn't really done shit. His team dominates a weak conference and gets pub because their the only game in town (UCLA can say what they want). They won a single BCS title, and have faltered every year since then.

What to think of going into this weekend

After the Flying Petrinos were manhandled by Texas, how badly will Urban Meyer take out his Florida frustrations on Arkansas?

Santana Effing Moss

I hate this guy.

Admittedly, I haven't seen a single Cowboy game this season because I'm usually flying on Sundays. However, every time I land, I immediately flick over to the box score on ESPN and read the game's recap.

Normally, I see how well Barber has run over a defense, or how well Romo has carved up a secondary. This time? Santana Moss makes Terrance Newman his bitch.

I guess this loss can be looked at as a few different things:

1) The Cowboys have been brought down to Earth. They've heard nothing but glowing reviews and already getting fitted for rings. Now, by getting beaten at home by a division rival, they might realize that no one's perfect...(18-1!!!)

2) Terrance Newman could be our Brian Westbrook. When he's healthy, he dominates his side of the field and people won't pick on him. However, he's been getting hurt every year with a nagging injury, and he immediately becomes ineffective. If anything, with Jones, Jenkins and Scandrick, Newman has the time to take off.

3) People have figured out how to defend TO. Owens is not the world's greatest route runner. He's still one of the best receivers in the league, but he's not exactly a Holt, Harrison or Smith when it comes to route running. Give him the under route all day long and tackle him as soon as he catches the ball. If you never let Owens get behind you, then he'll never be as effective as Dallas needs him to be.

I don't think I'm knee-jerking here. The NFC East is the best conference in the league, and I'd say that three of the four teams will make the playoffs. The only reason that the fourth won't is because of the playoff seeding rules. Hopefully, Double J doesn't overreact and do something stupid because of a close loss to a division foe.

Oh, and apparently, all the popular sports blogs in the world are D.C. centric, so get ready for a shit storm of Redskins coverage and big talking.

Hey look! The Miracle Mets did it again!

That's right, Jose...it happened again.

That's right, the Mets crumbled again at the hands of the Marlins. That makes the two iconic stadiums in New York closing at the end of the regular season...kind of strange, isn't it?

How's that Omar Minaya extension look now?

Is K-Rod going to get that game tying hit when you've got runners in scoring position?

When I see stuff like this, I have to ask myself if it's almost better off being a Rangers fan. We never expect our team to make the playoffs, and there's never a heartbreak when our season ends in July or August.

It's got to be hard enough to attempt rebounding from one total collapse, but two in a row? Whoops.

So does this make him more of a douche, or less?

Josh Groban is kind of a douche, right. He sings girly music and looks like, well, a douche. That said, he did a tribute to TV theme shows the other night at the Emmy's. Kinda cheesy, kinda schmaltzy, but he does nail the Cartmen during SouthPark. Would have been better if there was a Simpson's but, hey, there wasn't a good times either.

You decide. Douche or No?

The big german Speaks, and it dosn't involve gary trents dad.

Germans, yup we got a 5 headed penis.

So our favorite German Dallas Maverick spoke to Jeff Caplin at the Star Telegram. Here are some excerpts. Including him talking of retiring from the NBA in 3 years.

About retiring in Dallas.

" I always was kind of the young talent and now I’ve crossed that line. We’ll just have to see how these next couple of years go. I would love to finish my career, obviously, in Dallas. I’ve always said that. Hopefully we can win the championship here in these three years and everything will be great. If not, I think we all have to keep our eyes and ears open to what’s going on."

When to hang it up.

"I think the worst thing that athletes can do is play too long and at the end look slow and don’t look right and they lose some of their reputation. "

"Obviously, as you get older you start thinking about
other things, too ... stuff like family comes up over the years and we’ll see what happens there."

Playing in German when he's done here.

"There’s one big club in Germany, in Berlin, called ALBA Berlin, and they’ve been asking me every year. Actually, the owner’s dream is to have me in their uniform once before I retire, and I’m sure he’s going to do everything he can to make that happen before my career is over. And really, on that subject, too, I leave everything open. ... "

Josh Howard

" But knowing him for that long, he’s a good guy. People are trying to make him a bad guy now. I can for sure say that he’s fun to be around, he’s a good kid, he cares; just sometimes he needs to learn to control himself and just keep some stuff to himself and he’ll be all right. "

Pretty standard stuff. Its not a stretch to think that Dirk would want to go play his last few years of good basketball in his home country. If he did that, I think it would make me like the guy more.

Ohh and on the Josh Howard quote, am i the only guy who immediately thought "that's cuz he brings the weed?" Might just be me.

Really, I'm wondering if my Megan Fox prediction might come true now

HA HA!

Okay, now I'd like to see Megan Fox in my bedroom

FIRED!

power is in the eye......week 3

Interesting tidbit before I rock to the power rankings. Out of the 16 games played last Sunday, only 4 road teams won. Crazy.

Here we go with this weeks rankings.

As always, these teams are ranked from who get first cracks on the hot chick during a gang bang.

The "So good looking its Scary" tier.

1. (-)Dallas Cowboys 3-0 - When the Schedule came out, I looked at it and said "man, if we can go 2-1 the first 3 weeks, we'll be alright." Low and behold, we're 3-0. And except the shootout in Philly, looked dominate doing it.

2. (+1) Denver Broncos 3 0 - What an offense. 1st in points, 2nd in total yards, 2nd in passing yards, 10th in rushing yards, 114 total points. Holy crap KC is going to get torched this week. The Broncos could hang 100 on them faster than a titty flopping out during a brawlesss jump rope day.

3. (+3) Tennessee Titans 3 0 - As Good as the Broncos offense is, the Titans Defense is just as nasty. 1st in points, 3rd in yards, 3 vs pass, 10 vs. rush. If you can stop the passing game, and score over 20, you should win about 90% of your games in the league. The defense is as tight as......a dish in saran wrap. (see what i did there)

The "Damn Good, and I mean Damn good" tier.

4. (-) New York Giants 3 0 - They should have lost to the Bengals, but they pulled it out. That's what good teams do I guess, but I'm still not sold on this team, and more importantly, Eli.

5. (-) Philadelphia Eagles 2 1 - Did you see what happened when Brain Westbrook went down? I know the Steelers have a nice defense, but they couldn't hardly move the ball at all when that guy was out of the game.

6. (+3) Buffalo Bills 3 0 - I know they had to pull something out of their ass this week to beat oakland, but with games at STL, and at Arizona, they should be 5-0, fresh off a bye, hosting the whales vagina in week 7.

7. (-5) Pittsburgh Steelers 2 1 - The worry from the off season was whether or not the O-line could hold up, man did they get exposed vs philly. Big Ben is dinged up and Fast Willie Parker is out for the Monday night game, looks like time to see how Mendenhall can handle the load.

8. (-1) Green Bay Packers 2 1 - If you want to be an elite team, you win tough games at home. They didn't this week. Not compiling, I'm just saying.

the "Not Quite Sold They are that Good yet" tier.

9. (+8) Washington Redskins 2 1 - good win over New Orleans, OK win over Arizona, Shitty loss to the Giants. Guess we'll find out this week what they are made of.

10. (+5) Baltimore Ravens 2 0 - I like Joe Flaco, but wins over Cinncy and Cle don't impress me much.

11. (+9) Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2 1 - You give me 68 attempts as a qb in the NFL, i might throw for 300 yards. I doubt it, but i might. If I did, well, i'm now just at good as Brain Greise.

The "much better than their records" tier.

12. (+7) San Diego Chargers 1 2 - Kinda feel bad for the Jets. The Chargers were due to put a hurtin on someone, and it happend to be New York also.

13. (+5) Minnesota Vikings 1 2 - a part of me was excited to see ol' headbutt throw that early pick. I can see childress now "Damn it! Put in..." looks over at the bench and see's Travis just sitting there ready to go in, with excitement in his eyes, "nevermind." Ahh crushed dreams are fun.

14. (-1) New Orleans Saints 1 2 - Reggie Bush is trying real hard, his team is still losing, but he is trying really, really hard!

The "i really don't know how these teams have this good a record" tier.

15. (-1) Arizona Cardinals 2 1 - Not so easy when your not playing your division or at home is it there buzzsaw.

16. (-6) Carolina Panthers 2 1 - Followed up to nice wins with 204 net yards vs the Vikings. Nice.

The "i think these guys are better than their record" tier.

17. (-6) Chicago Bears 1 2 - They should have won their last 2 games, but they didn't. Now Philly comes to town. A bounch back win here would move them back up.

18. (-4) Indianapolis Colts 1 2 - So this great offense is 20th in total yards, 31st in rushing, and 25th in points. Throw that in with being 30th in rush defense, you got problems man.

19. (+7) Jacksonville Jaguars 1 2 - Nice win at Indy showed that this team can still play. Maybe not all that well, but they can still play.

The "o.k. these guys really arn't as good as their record" tier.

20. (-12) New England Patriots 2 1 - I know that Ronnie Brown bit was a surprise, but when your suposed to be one of the great defenses in the league, and you have what is supposed to be one of the greatest coaches in the league, shouldn't someone be able to stop a guy from taking a direct snap to house 4 fucking times!!!

21. (+3) San Francisco 49ers 2 1 - Yea, they keep winning, so they keep moving up, but I'm really not sold on this team at all. If they beat N.O. this week, i'll give them some cred, but intill then, fluke.

The "shity teams" tier.

22. (-6) New York Jets 1 2 - Did we all forget that this team blew last year? I know Favre is nice and all, but as Emmit might say, He's a diamond in the doo-doo. And Mondays game was so Favre, in the bad way. Should have gotten picked like 14 times.

23. (+5) Miami Dolphins 1 2 - Nice win over New England. I thought Ronnie Brown was solid, but 4 TD's and a passing, i didn't see at all.

24. (-1) Atlanta Falcons 2 1 - Good to see that even shitty teams can beat up other even shitter teams. I like Matty Ice, and I like Michael turrner, but lets be honest, this team still blows.

25. (+1) Seattle Seahawks 1 2 - Who is J. Jones! Averaging 5.1 per carrie is nice for the former cowboy great. (Hey Seahawks, don't get used to it! He did that in Dallas his first year too.)

26. (+1) Oakland Raiders 1 2 - There were right there from winning that game. Welp, thats what shitty teams do, they lose games.

The "Oppps I crapped my pants" Tier.

27. (-5) Houston Texans 0 2 - Kinda wish I had a do over on that whole Matt Shaub is going to be great this year bit.

28. (-7) Cleveland Browns 0 3 - Ohh how the mighty have fallen. Looks like it Brady Quinn time!

29. (+2) Cincinnati Bengals 0 3 - At least they showed some life this week and almost stole one from the Defending superbowl champs.

30. (-)Detroit Lions 0 3 - This team is terrible. Just Terrible.

31. (-2) Kansas City Chiefs 0 3 - These last three teams just need to disband, and come back a few laters with a clearer head.

32. (-) St. Louis Rams 0 3 - One good note? SJax had 14 points in my fantasy league this year.

So there it is. Its thought provoking, easy to understand, pretty close to right. I know my rankings have jumpbed a but from week to week, but that's going to happen when you've only played 3 games or so.

I like to play...

I'm not really sure what's going on in the world of sports. Seriously. I even missed our 500th anniversary. Big made me sleep on the couch. I've been working non stop for about three weeks straight, but I figured I've been keeping you, our sexy readers, from the crazy ramblings of the Suntanned Superman. Sure, the big guy, Big (redundancy), runs the show, but I am the Garth to his Wayne. So, here's your drum solo while Big's playing his guitar for Cassandra.

The Dallas Cowboys

I haven't seen a Dallas Cowboy game yet because I fly on Sundays and Monday Night Football starts at like 4 pm on the West Coast. I can't say I know what's going on, but according to ESPN box scores, here's what I gather:

- My affection for Tony Romo is not unfounded.
- The dual threat of Marion Barber and Felix Jones is absolutely crazy.
- Witten is the toughest son of a bitch on the planet.
- Terrell Owens is the best receiver in the NFL, and now he's one of the best teammates
- Wade Phillips is like an old retarded grandpa that you want to hug, but are afraid that you might get your nose caught in his floppy man breast.

The Texas Longhorns

Nope, you're not pulling me offsides.

The Josh Howard "Controversy"

Well, I'm going to go ahead and say it, the Mavericks have found the crazy son of a bitch they needed. I mean it. Houston has Ron Artest. San Antonio just signed Salim Stoudamire. New Orleans has Bonzi Wells. Oklahoma City has a basketball team. (By the way, I saw a guy wearing an OKC Thunder basketball shirt at the airport on Sunday and just about spit out my coffee.)

Now, the Mavericks have a crazy, America hating, pot smoking, alien looking defensive three looking to re-establish his career! It's GENIUS! Really, I want Josh Howard to just take a shit in the middle of the AT&T Center the first San Antonio game. That, or rub his crotch in Eva Longoria's face right in front of Tony Parker. I'm sorry, I think this wild ass shit is exactly what the Mavericks need to shake things up.

The Rangers are...status quo.

But hey, Milton Bradley is saying he'll quit baseball if the Rangers or someone else doesn't offer him a long term deal. Yawn.

Ben & Skin on Live 105 and Greggo on ESPN

I was in town when Ben & Skin went on the air, and I gotta say, too much of a good thing kind of ruins it. Here's the best metaphor I can think of, Ben & Skin are Nickelback. You know, when Nickelback comes out with a new song, and when you hear it the first time you like it. Then you hear it again and you still like it. Then you realize the song is on every single station and every time you turn on the station and now you're really tired of the same old riffs and lyrics? Am I making sense here? Don't tell me I'm the only one who feels this way about Nickelback.

I heard Greggo for about 10 minutes on Friday when I was driving back from the airport. In another market, I think the guy might have a chance. He's got too many skeletons here, and I'm not sure that people are willing to listen again. That and RJ Choppy is...RJ Choppy.

"Heroes"

I like this show, nay, I daresay that I love this show. However, I don't think that it required a full one hour red carpet preview show. I also don't think that they should have touted this shit so much seeing as the writers' strike killed a whole bunch of momentum. Why do they have to turn the Brown guy into a crazy dude? Come on, it's him and and Kumar on House...that's all we've got until Big and Brown television hits the air.

I'm still a bigger "Lost" fan, and no I have never had HBO, so let's no get into a stupid argument on television shows.

Politics

I'm going to say this once, and I doubt anyone has actually gotten down this far, so I'm sure I'm gonna say it again.

THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL BLOG.

I don't give a flying fuck if you're a sister fucking conservative who thinks Obama wants to give gay men the freedom to force their penis into any man hole they find or if you're a hippy liberal who believes that the McCain is going to re-enact slavery. Don't bring that shit in here, no one cares and I'll find some way to beat you to death with a flagpole.

On a total side note, I wonder what kind of Google keywords this post might get...

College Football Roundup - Week 4, now more local!

Hey Lady, Hey Lady, Hey Lady, Drop it!

So, that was a fun week no? Nothing really brings out good football like SEC play. 4 SEC teams finish in the top 10, not be out done though by the Big 12, as they have 4 as well, and they start their conference games in two weeks.

We are gong to start seeing more and more meaningful games in the coming weeks, as most teams are done playing their cupcakes. Hell even Texas Tech plays K-State this weekend!

We saw one of the better stories of the early part of season, East Carolina, go down. Thank kinda sucks. But Vandy's ranked!

I'm done rambling, so here's the list.

As always its my top ten, in two tiers, with the most impressive being at the top, and the least at the bottom, and then I give you 5 teams to think about, all done in wrestling terminology.

Main Eventers

No. 1. USC (idel) Looking at their schedule, they should be in the National Championship game. They have Oregon, Arizona St, Cal and even Notre Dame at home this year. Only scary game might be against UCLA at the end of the year, as its a road one. But rest assured, they will fuck up somewhere, they always do.

No. 4 Florida (win 30-6, Tennessee) - We had the first jump pass of the season, which is such a cool play, i hope Tebow brings it to the NFL. Despite rocking only 243 yards of total offense, the gators are nice. Real nice. Even had a punt return for a TD. LSU in three weeks. Can't wait.

No. 2. Oklahoma (idle) - They have a game against bcs buster hope full TCU this sat. I don't expect them to have any trouble.

No. 3 Georgia (win 27-10, Arizona State) - a nice quality win in prime time vs. a good, but not great Arizona State team. The Heisman hopeful, Knowshawn Moreno, put in some good work, going off for 149 on 23 carries and 2 TD's. Hellava game vs. Alabama this week.

(note, all four of the above teams could be put in any order 1-4 and i wouldn't have a problem with it)

No. 5 Missouri (win 42-21, Buffalo) - another ho-hum day for Chase Daniel, 36 of 43, 439, and 2 TD's. Another nice showdown @ Nebraska this week. A win there will put the Tigers in the same class as the four teams above them.

Mid-Carders

No. 6 LSU (win 26-21, No. 10 Auburn) - A back and forth game where Aurbun's spread attack finally out produced its run game, 250-70. The thing is, if you would have have told me LSU would hold Auburn to 70 rushing yards, I would have bet the house on a LSU blowout. Credit is due to Auburn for staying with these guys. LSU themselves really didn't look as impressive as i thought hey might, but like I said last week, that RB Scott can play, 21 carries, 132 yards.

No. 9 Alabama (win 49-14, Arkansas) - Holy crap that was a whoppin. When your O-Line can dominate like that and allow you to run for 328 yards as a team, including opening up the holes for Glen Coffee to go 10 rushes for 162 yards, your doing well. I refuse to talk about their QB, as I have no respect for a man who insists on using two first names. I've only met a few John David's, or Billy Bob's, but they are all douches. Is it fair? No. But i don't care. 2 first names = douche.

No. 7 Texas (win 52-10, Rice) - Only watched parts of this game as I was distracted by the new graphics of FSW. Odd to anyone else that Colt McCoy is the all time TD leader in Longhorn history after that game? No Chris Simms, no Major, its Colt. The Texas D, which has been suspect for a few years, did an OK job in this game. Looking forward to seeing what they can do the Razorbacks, so i can get a feel as how good this team compared to Alabama.

No. 12 South Florida (win 17-9, Florida International) - There was a drop off from 4-5 in the Main Eventers, but there might even be a bigger drop off here. All the above team, should things go right for them, I can legitimacy see winning a National Championship. These last few team? Not so much, but I guess South Florida is the best of the next tier of teams, even with this not impressive win over a Sunbelt Squad.

No. 11 Texas Tech (win 56-14, Massachusetts) - Don't get too excited tech fans, I think Uless Trinity could hold UMass to 14. BUT the next 3 are K-State, Neb, and Texas A&M, all games they should win. IF they win all those games, and are 7-0 during the middle of October, they will be a top 5 team, because someone has to lose when Bama plays Georgia, Texas play OU, and when LSU plays Florida. That's three teams in front of them with losses. Chilling thought.

Developmental Guys. (guys to keep your eyes on, not necessarily the next 5 best teams.)

BCS Buster Time! - Here are the top couple non BCS teams that could make a splash at the end of the year.

No. 14 Brigham Young (win 44-0, Wyoming) - BYU averaged 4.8 yards per rush, and 5.4 yards per pass. Nice.

No. 20 Utah (win 30-23, Air Force) - Game shouldn't have been as close as it was. The Utes out gained the service academy 440-191 in total yards.

Boise State (win 37-32, No. 17 Oregon) - The win over Oregon gives this team some legitimacy. Might want to play some Defense though.

TCU (win 48-7, Southern Methodist) - Both Boise and TCU are now ranked this morning, and TCU, who has been the bcs buster's darling in previous seasons, till they blow it vs UNLV or some other silly school, just blew away June Jones and the Ponies. I find it funny that your mascot can be the Mustang, and you run for -8 yards for the whole game. But to be fair, you might want to run the ball more than 12 times. But that's June Jones, and he'll work out well for the Ponys in the end.

Those are the BCS buster teams as of right now, and I'm thinking these teams are all pretty good, so one of them should make it unscathed right?

No. 16 Penn State (win 45-3, Temple) - Last team I wanted to talk about. They put up 546 yards of total offense, including over 300 rushing. I know its just Temple, but when you score 31 points in a quarter(!), that's pretty damn impressive. Now I know they haven't really played anybody yet, but haven't just put directional D2 school on their docket either, look at the points scored in the first 4 games from PSU, 66, 45, 55, 45. That's nice. Of course they play the Illini this weekend, and since they are in my "watch out" section, they will lose. Look at ASU, Oregon, and Kansas. All were featured, all have since lost.

The Big Ups to All my Haters award for upset of the week goes to No. 18 Wake Forest beating No. 24 Florida State 12-3. But Big, Wake Forest was ranked ahead of Florida State, that's not an upset. Just stop. All week long I heard from college football people saying "wake can't hang with the big boys, yea they are undefeated, but its a hollow undefeated. They will lose to FSU." There you go Wake, go tell all your critics to shove a pound of weed up their ass. Don't care how you win, just win. That should be Wake's mantra.

We already talked about TCU-SMU so I'll just move on to my beloved Mean Green. We didn't lose this week! True we were on bye, but fuck it, its a small victory, and I'm talking it!