NFL Rankings, Doing it Big

I tried to do this last year, every week. I wasn't very good at keeping it going. Alas, I'm here again to offer you a slightly modified version from last year. I won't do this every week, but I will try and knock one of these out every once in a while. Its my look at the NFL, and after two weeks, there are some surprises, but that's why they play the game.

NFL Rankings, after week 2

1 New Orleans Saints 2-0 - This was the hardest spot to pick. My first thought was to put Baltimore number one, but looking at everything, the Saints are the most impressive team after 2 weeks. Not only have they put up ridicules offensive numbers, but new DC Jim Johnson(ED. whoops)Greg Williams has turned this defense into "respectable."

2 Baltimore Ravens 2-0 - When you think about Baltimore, you always think about defense, but so far this season, the defense has been the week point. They have allowed 50 points so far in just 2 games. The good thing? Joe Flaco has a 96.1 QB rating, and has thrown for 5 td's in just 2 games.

3 New York Jets 2-0 - Holy crap, the Jets are good. New head coach Rex Ryan has this defense playing like his early 0's Ravens with a league leading 241 yards allowed. You hold teams to field goals like they are doing, and have a QB, rookie or no, that is as efficient as Sanchez is, wins.

4 New York Giants 2-0 - 2-0 already in the hardest division in all of football. Sure you want more than 52 yards per game from Jacobs, but taking this early lead in the division is nice.

5 Indianapolis Colts 2-0 - I would have them higher if they didn't win their first two games by a combined 6 points. Scary stat? They are allowing 176 yards rushing a game. Yeikes.

6 Atlanta Falcons 2-0 - Solid wins over Miami and Carolina. Ryan looks good. So does Turner. Getting Tony Gonzalez in the off season may have added that one piece this team was lacking last year, a go to reviver when you need 4-8 yards.

7 Minnesota Vikings 2-0 - Favre hasn't imploded, AD is running like a freakin' freight train. They have destroyed two very shitty teams. We will find out what this team is made of over the next 2 weeks, when they host San Fran and Green Bay

8 San Francisco 49ers 2-0 - Speaking of San Fran.....They are now also 2-0 in their division. They traveled to Arizona, won, and hosted Seattle, won. Shaun Hill might not blow you away with his numbers, but when you have a back that averages 6.2 yards a carry, and a defense who has held two very good offenses to 16, and 10 points, you don't need to win games with your arm.

9 New England Patriots 1-1 - Yes, they should be 0-2. Yes, Brady has attempted 100 passes in just two games. Yes, Randy Moss has yet to get into the end zone. Yes, trading away their best pass rusher is biting them in the ass. All of those things are true. But this is still New England. This is still Belchick. And they were missing Welker last week.

10 Pittsburgh Steelers 1-1 - If they didn't miss that feild goal, and Tennessee didn't lose to Houston, I would have put them at least in front to New England. They have played the toughest first two games, of any team, and looked good in both for the most part. Troy's injury is proving not only that the madden curse is real, but his presence is being vastly missed on the field.

11 San Diego Chargers 1-1 - Baby Pocket Sproles might be my favorite player in the league right now. He's little, but he's mean. Whats not little is the amount of points the chargers defense has given up in two weeks. 20 points to Oakland? Come on now.

12 Chicago Bears 1-1 - Is Cutlerfucker the saving grace of this once proud franchise? Will Matt Forte do ANYTHING on offense? Is anybody still reading this? I don't really know the answers to any of those questions, but I can tell you that being 1-1 when you play on opening weekend, Sunday night at Green Bay, and host the defending Superbowl champs is pretty good. They go to Seattle, who may not have Hassellquarterback, and then host Detroit. 3-1 is not out of the question.

13 Dallas Cowboys 1-1 - Good things. O Lines has been pretty good, Running game has been pretty good, WR's have been pretty good. Bad Things. Demarcus Ware has 0 sacks. The Defense can't tackle. The Secondary looks as soft as a twinkie. Goodbye wade phillips.

14 Green Bay Packers 1-1 - Looked great against the Bears, held Forte to like 20 yards, then the Bengals and Ced Benson ran all over them. Ryan Grant was supposed to be healthy and ready to take the next step, unless the next step is 107 yards and 3.6 yards per carry, your in trouble.

15 Denver Broncos 2-0 - wouldn't surprise me if they finish 2-14. Fluke win over cincy, and then they beat up on the worst team in the NFL. At some point this season, I'm calling it, we will see Chirs Sims take snaps in Denver. Mark it.

16 Philadelphia Eagles 1-1 - Oh what a diference McNabb makes. Wait, he dosn't play defense. nevermind. Show me Mike Vick!

17 Seattle Seahawks 1-1 - This is a team that I think is due for a bounce back year. Then Hassellquarterback went down. That's not good.

18 Tennessee Titans 0-2 - I'm sure people in Tennessee are freaking out because of their 0-2 start. They lost to 2 good teams, so chill out. Wait, Kerry Collins is still your QB. Continue to freak out.

19 Miami Dolphins 0-2 - After Monday's game, I am openly rooting for Miami. They brought us the WildCat, which everybody thought would be a little bit of fad, team would run in once or twice a game. Not the Dolphins. They love that shit. It's like watching Boise State play Oklahoma every week. Love it.

20 Houston Texans 1-1 - Everybody "watch out for them this year" team got shut down by the Jets, then everybody else who didn't think they were very good said "ha, told ya so." Then they outscored Tennessee and the freakish Chris Johnson last week. Now they are back on the "gonna make the playoffs" kick. Truth is? 8-8.

21 Arizona Cardinals 1-1 - Were they hungover from the Superbowl against San Fran? Not really. San Fran is a decent team. You know who's not? Jacksonville. The offense is still good. Warner is still old. Its going to be dog fight in this division, with the winning team probably having a 9-6 record, and losing to a wild card team.

22 Buffalo Bills 1-1 - MUCH better than I thought they were going to be. The Defense looks pretty good, and Trent Edwards has moved from serviceable QB to a decent one. Big show me something game this week against N.O.

23 Washington Redskins 1-1 - Defense is good. Offense is terrible. They won't win more than 6 games as long as Jason Campbell is their QB. Sam Bradford anyone?

24 Oakland Raiders 1-1 - This team might have something. They have some playmakers on offense (McFadden, Miller, that other WR), and a defense that is very respectable. Problem? JaMarcus Russell looks hideous.

25 Cincinnati Bengals 1-1 - The quintisental "older team trying to make one more run at it." If they don't make the payoffs, look for Marvin Lewis to be gone, Ochocinco to be gone, and another rebuilding process in Cincy.

26 Jacksonville Jaguars 0-2 - People in Jacksonville can't even watch the games on TV because only like 20,000 people are going to the games. Average Team + Shitty attendance = 5-11

27 Carolina Panthers 0-2 - Oh Jake Delhome, what happend? You have a stud running game, good WR's, and a line that is above average, yet you only muster a 45.3 QB rating in your first 2 games. For shame.

28 Kansas City Chiefs 0-2 - I would buy stock in KC if the NFL were the stock market and I had some expendable cash. Will they be very good this year? Probably not. Are they on the uptick though, yes.

29 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-2 - I kinda feel bad for Byron Leftwhich. He was thought of as one of the can't miss QB just a few short year ago. Now he is given the starting job in Tampa by default, and is blowing it. He just isn't very good. And neither are the Bucs.

30 St. Louis Rams 0-2 - 2 games, 7 points. Nuff Said.

31 Detroit Lions 0-2 - I would like to congratulate the Lions on not being the worst team in the NFL anymore. Not because they don't suck, They suck big harry balls, but its because the Browns take the gravy train every time they go on the field.

32 Cleveland Browns 0-2 - Oh Brady Quinn. You beautiful bastard. 1 TD in 2 games? Maybe if you played from behind more you would get more chances, oh wait.

power is in the eye......week 3

Interesting tidbit before I rock to the power rankings. Out of the 16 games played last Sunday, only 4 road teams won. Crazy.

Here we go with this weeks rankings.

As always, these teams are ranked from who get first cracks on the hot chick during a gang bang.

The "So good looking its Scary" tier.

1. (-)Dallas Cowboys 3-0 - When the Schedule came out, I looked at it and said "man, if we can go 2-1 the first 3 weeks, we'll be alright." Low and behold, we're 3-0. And except the shootout in Philly, looked dominate doing it.

2. (+1) Denver Broncos 3 0 - What an offense. 1st in points, 2nd in total yards, 2nd in passing yards, 10th in rushing yards, 114 total points. Holy crap KC is going to get torched this week. The Broncos could hang 100 on them faster than a titty flopping out during a brawlesss jump rope day.

3. (+3) Tennessee Titans 3 0 - As Good as the Broncos offense is, the Titans Defense is just as nasty. 1st in points, 3rd in yards, 3 vs pass, 10 vs. rush. If you can stop the passing game, and score over 20, you should win about 90% of your games in the league. The defense is as tight as......a dish in saran wrap. (see what i did there)

The "Damn Good, and I mean Damn good" tier.

4. (-) New York Giants 3 0 - They should have lost to the Bengals, but they pulled it out. That's what good teams do I guess, but I'm still not sold on this team, and more importantly, Eli.

5. (-) Philadelphia Eagles 2 1 - Did you see what happened when Brain Westbrook went down? I know the Steelers have a nice defense, but they couldn't hardly move the ball at all when that guy was out of the game.

6. (+3) Buffalo Bills 3 0 - I know they had to pull something out of their ass this week to beat oakland, but with games at STL, and at Arizona, they should be 5-0, fresh off a bye, hosting the whales vagina in week 7.

7. (-5) Pittsburgh Steelers 2 1 - The worry from the off season was whether or not the O-line could hold up, man did they get exposed vs philly. Big Ben is dinged up and Fast Willie Parker is out for the Monday night game, looks like time to see how Mendenhall can handle the load.

8. (-1) Green Bay Packers 2 1 - If you want to be an elite team, you win tough games at home. They didn't this week. Not compiling, I'm just saying.

the "Not Quite Sold They are that Good yet" tier.

9. (+8) Washington Redskins 2 1 - good win over New Orleans, OK win over Arizona, Shitty loss to the Giants. Guess we'll find out this week what they are made of.

10. (+5) Baltimore Ravens 2 0 - I like Joe Flaco, but wins over Cinncy and Cle don't impress me much.

11. (+9) Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2 1 - You give me 68 attempts as a qb in the NFL, i might throw for 300 yards. I doubt it, but i might. If I did, well, i'm now just at good as Brain Greise.

The "much better than their records" tier.

12. (+7) San Diego Chargers 1 2 - Kinda feel bad for the Jets. The Chargers were due to put a hurtin on someone, and it happend to be New York also.

13. (+5) Minnesota Vikings 1 2 - a part of me was excited to see ol' headbutt throw that early pick. I can see childress now "Damn it! Put in..." looks over at the bench and see's Travis just sitting there ready to go in, with excitement in his eyes, "nevermind." Ahh crushed dreams are fun.

14. (-1) New Orleans Saints 1 2 - Reggie Bush is trying real hard, his team is still losing, but he is trying really, really hard!

The "i really don't know how these teams have this good a record" tier.

15. (-1) Arizona Cardinals 2 1 - Not so easy when your not playing your division or at home is it there buzzsaw.

16. (-6) Carolina Panthers 2 1 - Followed up to nice wins with 204 net yards vs the Vikings. Nice.

The "i think these guys are better than their record" tier.

17. (-6) Chicago Bears 1 2 - They should have won their last 2 games, but they didn't. Now Philly comes to town. A bounch back win here would move them back up.

18. (-4) Indianapolis Colts 1 2 - So this great offense is 20th in total yards, 31st in rushing, and 25th in points. Throw that in with being 30th in rush defense, you got problems man.

19. (+7) Jacksonville Jaguars 1 2 - Nice win at Indy showed that this team can still play. Maybe not all that well, but they can still play.

The "o.k. these guys really arn't as good as their record" tier.

20. (-12) New England Patriots 2 1 - I know that Ronnie Brown bit was a surprise, but when your suposed to be one of the great defenses in the league, and you have what is supposed to be one of the greatest coaches in the league, shouldn't someone be able to stop a guy from taking a direct snap to house 4 fucking times!!!

21. (+3) San Francisco 49ers 2 1 - Yea, they keep winning, so they keep moving up, but I'm really not sold on this team at all. If they beat N.O. this week, i'll give them some cred, but intill then, fluke.

The "shity teams" tier.

22. (-6) New York Jets 1 2 - Did we all forget that this team blew last year? I know Favre is nice and all, but as Emmit might say, He's a diamond in the doo-doo. And Mondays game was so Favre, in the bad way. Should have gotten picked like 14 times.

23. (+5) Miami Dolphins 1 2 - Nice win over New England. I thought Ronnie Brown was solid, but 4 TD's and a passing, i didn't see at all.

24. (-1) Atlanta Falcons 2 1 - Good to see that even shitty teams can beat up other even shitter teams. I like Matty Ice, and I like Michael turrner, but lets be honest, this team still blows.

25. (+1) Seattle Seahawks 1 2 - Who is J. Jones! Averaging 5.1 per carrie is nice for the former cowboy great. (Hey Seahawks, don't get used to it! He did that in Dallas his first year too.)

26. (+1) Oakland Raiders 1 2 - There were right there from winning that game. Welp, thats what shitty teams do, they lose games.

The "Oppps I crapped my pants" Tier.

27. (-5) Houston Texans 0 2 - Kinda wish I had a do over on that whole Matt Shaub is going to be great this year bit.

28. (-7) Cleveland Browns 0 3 - Ohh how the mighty have fallen. Looks like it Brady Quinn time!

29. (+2) Cincinnati Bengals 0 3 - At least they showed some life this week and almost stole one from the Defending superbowl champs.

30. (-)Detroit Lions 0 3 - This team is terrible. Just Terrible.

31. (-2) Kansas City Chiefs 0 3 - These last three teams just need to disband, and come back a few laters with a clearer head.

32. (-) St. Louis Rams 0 3 - One good note? SJax had 14 points in my fantasy league this year.

So there it is. Its thought provoking, easy to understand, pretty close to right. I know my rankings have jumpbed a but from week to week, but that's going to happen when you've only played 3 games or so.

power is in the eye.....week 2

Fuck it we still won!

As i did last year, I'm going to be bringing you the freshest, most original look around the NFL, a power ranking!

I know your life wouldn't be complete unless you knew for sure whether or not i thought the Cardinals are better than the Lions, so I bring you this, Big's NFL power rankings.

(i know its lame, but if I do anything well, its lame shit)(oh and I included how they have changed from last week next to their number. look at me doing more work that i have too!)

As always this list is in order of team most likely to no give a rats ass about your fantasy football team(I'm 1-1 in both leagues).

The "I'm just like you, I put my pants on one leg at a time, only when my pants are on, I make gold records" tier.

1 (-)Dallas Cowboys 2 0 - Holy crap what a game. Those might be the best 2 teams in football right now. Add the fact the eagles always give the boys problems, and a win is nice.

2. (-)Pittsburgh Steelers 2 0 - Ugly game vs. Cle, but this team gets the Eric Nies award this week for just grinding it out. (honestly if you get that reference let me know.)

3. (+1)Denver Broncos 2 0 - You know what makes me move up this team even though they should have lost(stupid, STUPID refs) is the fact they went for the win in regulation. WAY TO HAVE SOME BALL SHANNY!

4. (+2)New York Giants 2 0 - I was predicting failure on this team year. Looks like i might be wrong for the first time ever in my life.

The "Damn the looked good losing" tier.

5. (-2)Philadelphia Eagles 1 1 - Had to drop them a bit due to losing, but this years NFC East is going be crazy. Like SuperCrazy.

The "Better than I thought they would be" tier

6. (+11)Tennessee Titans 2 0 - So I knew this team had a good D, but they might be scary good. Like your new girlfriend is a little too good at sex, good.

7. (+7)Green Bay Packers 2 0 - I love seeing Aaron Rodgers make this happen. Got a little scared when they let DET back in the game. But they look legit. Now they play Dallas, and we'll know right soon how good they are.

8. (-1)New England Patriots 2 0 - When your the number one team, and your best player goes down, you have got to expect a drop off, but right now this defense is carrying this team.

The "Really didn't think they would be this good, but don't expect them to stay That way" tier

9. (+2)Buffalo Bills 2 0 - Browns new pick to win the super bowl. Can't agree more.

10. (+6)Carolina Panthers 2 0 - Just think, now they get Steve Smith back.

11. (-2)Chicago Bears 1 1 - Lost to Carolina. I blame Shila LaBouf. Don't now why. But he's the downfall of the Bears.

The "come on now, your better than that" tier.

12. (-)Indianapolis Colts 1 1 - t minus 3 weeks till Peyton goes ape shit and names himself starting running back, wide receiver, and punt returner. he's all they got anyway, so why not.

13. (-5)New Orleans Saints 1 1 - Washington? They practically gave you that game. Way to go reggie with that whole "waiving" thing. Well done.

The "Can't tell if they are good or not yet" tier.

14. (+6)Arizona Cardinals 2 0 - Jesus Robo Arm is back and in full effect baby! But in the end they have only beaten San Fran and Seattle.

15. (+7)Baltimore Ravens 1 0 - Moved up seven due to not playing anybody, and when you don't play you can't look bad!

16. (-6)New York Jets 1 1 - The whole Favre thing has warn off on me now, and that play calling was TERRIBLE!

17. (+6)Washington Redskins 1 1 - i knew they weren't as bad as they showed on opening day. Would have had them in front a couple other teams, but I saw Chris Cooley's dick this week. That should never happen.

The "Better turn this shit around, or this could get ugly" tier.

18. (-3)Minnesota Vikings 0 2 - If they stick with Travis, and they miss the playoffs, its all on Brad Childress. Stubborn is a sin.

19. (-14)San Diego Chargers 0 2 - I never thought the HGH using wwe freak Shawn Merrimen was that important to the Chargers. And don't give me that they should have won but the ref screwed them. Yea, its true, they got the call wrong and the game would have been over had it gone right, but when you can't stop the pass AT ALL, you deserve to lose. Throw in the 2 pt play and Norv can go fuck himself.

The "teams that could pull a win out their ass every now and then, but don't expect them to contend" tier.

20. (-2)Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1 1 - Ernest "Teddy" Graham(if that's not his nickname, we really need to look at ourselves as humans) you totally fucked me in fantasy this week. If you would have just played like you usually do, which is suck, i would be 2-0. For that, down 2 spots for your team.

21. (-2)Cleveland Browns 0 2 - Played a much closer, if not better, game vs. Pitt. Calling Braylend Edwards! Hello! Anybody seen mr. Edwards?

22. (+3)Houston Texans 0 1 - Again moved up because they didn't play, and thus didn't fuck up this week.

23. (-2)Atlanta Falcons 1 1 - That's more like the Falcons we have come to expect.

24. (+5)San Francisco 49ers 1 1 - I had to give them some love, after proving me right that the Seahawks suck mighty joe young balls.

The "Holy Crap! Are they really as bad as they look(yes)" tier.

25. (-12)Jacksonville Jaguars 0 2 - Last year, 2nd in rushing, this year, 28th.

26. (-2)Seattle Seahawks 0 2 - And you Seattle Seahawks, ahh fuck it, your too easy.

and the "opps I crapped my pants" tier.

27. (+5)Oakland Raiders 1 1 - Would have moved them out of this tier, but Its being rumored that Al "The N-Hatten Dolphin" Davis is about to fire a promising young head coach cuz he said his team sucks. You know what Al, your team does suck.

28. (-2)Miami Dolphins 0 2 - lost by 3 touchdowns to the Buzzsaw.

29. (-1)Kansas City Chiefs 0 2 - lost by nearly 3 TD's to the Raiders!

30. (+1)Detroit Lions 0 2 - The nice comeback moved them up from last, but then they pissed it all away at the track like my uncle steve.

31. (-4)Cincinnati Bengals 0 2 - Said I was going to put them last if they didn't show me anything, and they didn't show me anything, but.....

32. (-2)St. Louis Rams 0 2 - This team BLOWS!!!!

As always, I know I'm right and your wrong, and that's just the way its going be. Smells like updog in here.........

Power is the eye of.....week 1

As i did last year, I'm going to be bringing you the freshest, most original look around the NFL, a power ranking!

I know your life wouldn't be complete unless you knew for sure whether or not i thought the Cardinals are better than the Lions, so I bring you this, Big's NFL power rankings.

(i know its lame, but if I do anything well, its lame shit)

Top Dogs, gonna eat yo face and spit out your bones tier

1. Dallas Cowboys 1-0 - Of the 4 teams that looked truly bad ass this weekend, Dallas was the only one playing a good team from last year. For that, they get the number spot.

2. Pittsburgh Steelers 1-0 - They have a HELLUVA schedule, but if they play that well every week, this team could be tops in the AFC.

3. Philadelphia Eagles 1-0 - As a Cowboys fan I was really, REALLY hoping McNugget was done, looks like I was like that time in Mexico City where I picked up a really hot "female" hooker, and that's wrong.

4. Denver Broncos 1-0 - So who would have thought the kid from Vandy would be the smarter QB than the guys from USC and Texas? Hmmmm.

The Maybe I Should have played my starters a little more in the Pre Season tier.

5. San Diego Chargers 0-1 - You put together Norv Turner + Playing Rust+ people coming off injury = Loss.

The We are supposed to be good, but we looked kinda bad, but we still won tier.

6. New York Giants 1-0 - Team looked real good at first, then most of their drives started stalling out at the end of the game. Kinda like my sex life.

7. New England Patriots 1-0 - My roommate called the Brady injury before it happened. He's also predicting that Steve DeBerg will come out of retirement to lead the Pats to a superbowl. He's a mexican. (roommate, not DeBerg)

8. New Orleans Saints 1-0 - So they didn't look bad, per say, but I expected more from a city who father sea hates right now. If nothing else to tell that aquaman mother fucker to shove his trident up his ass.

The "I'm good a swear, look i got win" tier.

9. Chicago Bears 1-0 - Get ready for lots of 16-13 games, as they seam to be ready to play good D, run the shit out of the ball, and then pray they don't have to use NeckBeard at all.

10. New York Jets 1-0 - J E T S JETS JETS FAVRE!

11. Buffalo Bills 1-0 - So when if the Bills move to Toronto, can they change their name to the Lone Rangers? That's funny. Toronto and the Lone Rangers!

The "uhh you guys lost?" tier

12. Indianapolis Colts 0-1 So Eli lead his team to win on opening night, while Peyton played Sunday night and lost to the bears. What is this, Bizzaro World?

13. Jacksonville Jaguars 0-1 To all you people who said "David Garrard is the most consistent passer in the game." Suck it.

The "If we played this game 10 times, it would be 5-5" tier.

14. Green Bay Packers 1-0 The same week that Carl Badlander told me to listen to a new Alter Bridge song, who are the same people from Creed minus Scott Stapp, is the same week Aaron Rodgers gets his first win as Packer QB. coincidence? I think not.

15. Minnesota Vikings 0-1 - Did I forget just how terrible Travis Jackson is when I picked Minn to win the div? I guess I did. He is terrible. If Chris Simms were on this team, that's at least 4 more wins.

The "look we got a win, we're still relevant for another week" tier.

16. Carolina Panthers 1-0 - Pulled on out their back side. Think people wear "Jesus is my DelHOME boy" shirts in Carolina?

17. Tennessee Titans 1-0 - So the story from this game is that Jeff Fisher, Titians coach, had to coax Vince Young to go back in the game, because his feelings were hurt, because the fans were booing him, because he was sucking. Lets see, Rickey Williams, Cedric Benson, Vince Young, what do all these guys have in common? (brows going to kick my ass)

The "get used to this the rest of the year" tier

18. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 0-1 - Did they play bad? No, but they didn't play all that well either. Get used to it.

19. Cleveland Browns 0-1 - Are they as bad as the looked vs. a good Dallas team? No, but they play what I like to call the GonnaSiphaHerpleAids schedule. So, Get used to it.

20. Arizona Cardinals 1-0 - When you are an average team, but you play in a div with STL, SF, and Seattle, your going to get some wins despite your average talent. So, Get used to it.

The "Maybe a Rookie QB aint such a bad thing" tier.

21. Atlanta Falcons 1-0 - I don't think anyone will remember this that didn't go to Bonham Middle School in Temple Texas, but we had this speaker one day, his name was Tony Syyks, and he was a cop. But not just a cop, A rapping cop from the "hood." His songs were such greatness as "I'm a homeboy who became a cop" and "why fight when you can dance." I really wish I was making this up. Anyway, during one of his "songs" he said the line "I'm Toney Syyks, syyks, Syyks" and traild off syyks like it was an echo. Back around to the Falcons, everytime I hear Matt Ryans' name, I think of Ryan standing there going "I'm Matty Ice, Ice, Ice" just like the homeboy who became a cop. Don't know why, but it makes me giggle.

22. Baltimore Ravens 1-0 How bad do you feel for Troy Smith? He was the golden boy at OSU till he blew ass in that championship game vs Florida, and then he fell to the third round, and as soon as he gets his shot at starting, he goes down due to injury. No worries right, the guy who is starting till he gets healthy is a rookie, so they we most deff welcome him back and at least give him shot when he's right with ball, right? Well, Joe Flacco may never sit on the bench this year. Sorry for ya, Troy.

the "bitch, you better get better or I'm going to look like a dumb ass" tier.

23. Washington Redskins 0-1 Jason Campbell, 7 years post high school, 6 different Offensive Coordinators. Is this another way the man is trying to keep the brotha down?

24. Seattle Seahawks 0-1 - Ohh wayyy we had to take our carter jet, with leather seats, personal chief, and striper pole in the back all the way to New York. How can you expect us to play across 3 time zones? Pussys.

25. Houston Texans 0-1 - They did a whole big thing on Mario Williams during one of the pre game shows, and how he'll be the difference against a porous Pitt o-line. Yea, not so much.

26. Miami Dolphins 0-1 - I will say this, they looked much, much better than they did last year, but they don't have any big talent over there. And can they please stop with the baseball/football stadiums? I used to think this was cool, but now it just bothers me. Ohh and your check for letting Favre win on opening day should be in the mail from CBS any day now.

27. Cincinnati Bengals 0-1 - I'm giving this team one more week, but if they play like they did this week, hello last place. This team looked putrid. Like vomit after a night of sushi and guennis beer.

the "i just crapped my pants" tier.

28. Kansas City Chiefs 0-1 - You knocked out Tom Brady, held the Pats to 17, and still lost. That's like getting a girl drunk after a nice dinner, and having her pass out on you while she's starting to felace you.

29. San Francisco 49ers 0-1 - Frank Gore and your crazy knees, Patches O'Hoolahan and your crazy arm, Patrick Willis and your crazy tackling. You guys are cute. Shitty, But Cute.

30. St. Louis Rams 0-1 - So you have one of the best RB's in the league and you give it to him like twice. That's some sound ass thinking. That's like have 3 testicles and then removing one because your too bad ass.

31. Detroit Lions 0-1 Lost. To. Atlanta.

32. Oakland Raiders 0-1 - Do they have promise? Yes, Will they win a game this year? Maybe. Is Al Davis just waiting on the new HeMan movie so he can play the antagonist? God I hope so.

So there's week one. Hope you have fun reading it. If not, all complaints can be sent to tom1310@prodigy.net.

Power is in the Eye....

I know its a day early, but since i'm sure nobody really reads this anyway, I had some time this christmas eve so here you go. The Playoff Picture is getting much more clear now. 1-5 is set for the most part in both confereces. 3 teams still alive in the NFC, and 2 for the AFC for the last spot. Good Stuff.

So here is the list, again this is based on how well these teams would fair against a pissed off NYC sewer alligator, who is wearing a bad hair piece, that you just made fun of. Yea, he's pissed.

The Opps I crapped my pants Tier

32. Atlanta Falcons 3 12 – Wow, this team just keeps getting kicked in the nuts. Let’s recap their year. There starting pro bowl QB gets put in jail, There next 2 QB’s go down with either Injury or Suckatude, star CB goes off on everybody from Coach to teammates, coach quits, and then now they lose their first choice of President of Football Operations in Big Bill. One thing I can take out of all this, they will take a QB in the draft, but may not be Brain Brohm anymore.

31. Miami Dolphins 1 14 - And Back to suck.

30. New York Jets 3 12 - They keep playing with some “heart.” No that’s not a good word, how about “moxy.” That doesn’t work either. Hmmm, how about “purpose?” Fuck it I’m out.

29. Kansas City Chiefs 4 11 - And way to lose to Detroit. Good stuff.

28. Baltimore Ravens 4 11 - You just got smoked by Seattle, and they say Billick is staying? Out of all the coaches, this is the one I think should go.

27. St. Louis Rams 3 12 - they hung in there until the very end against a pretty good Pitt team.

And Next Year Will Be Different Tier (no, it probably wont)

26. Oakland Raiders 4 11 - Jam Jam was 7-23 with 3 picks. It’s early, but that is bad.

25. San Francisco 49ers 5 10 Shawn Hill (who?) played pretty well, and this team may not be as bad as I thought they were. I’m still rooting for a win for them this week so the Pats get a lower pick.

24. Carolina Panthers 6 9 Def is good, and Matt Moore might have something, but this team is going to take a wash until Jake gets back.

The Teams that could be better next year

23. Denver Broncos 6 8 - Play’s tonight, but they are still on that QB needs to take the next step tier.

22. Chicago Bears 6 9 - That’s the Bears team that we thought we would see this year. Go get you some Neck Beard!

21. Detroit Lions 7 8 - Nothing gets the mojo back better than a visit from the former Texans!

20. Cincinnati Bengals 6 9 - This has got to be the most puzzling team in the league. They played a pretty good game, with a nice defensive effort, against a nice little Browns team. If they don’t make a run next year, it might be time to blow it up.

The teams I can't really figger out.

19. Houston Texans 7 8 - I really wanted this team to play better vs. an emotionless, no meaning having, Colts team.

18. Buffalo Bills 7 8 - they really had a shot to take some momentum into next year with a strong last few weeks. Instead, they got worked by what looks like an average NY team.

17. Arizona Cardinals 7 8 - That’s the Gun-slinging, let’s make it happen “O” I’ve been looking for! Way to make it happen after I’m out of the Playoffs, thanks.

16. Philadelphia Eagles 7 8 - I called for McNugget’s out, now I don’t know. This team is on that edge of older people with the window closing. They either need to make a few moves and try and sell the thing out next year, or blow it up.

Last NFC Playoff teams

15. New Orleans Saints 7 8 - they really had a shot to make this a fun last weekend, but they lost and now they need both Minnesota, and Washington to lose next week.

14. Minnesota Vikings 8 7 - Once the Skin’s got a little lead, and could gamble with one on one coverage outside, they put like 9 guys in the box to stop A.D. And Travis couldn’t make em pay for it.

13. Washington Redskins 8 7 - Great game plan for Old Gibbs, and let me say, Todd Collins? 22-29 254 and 2 TD’s? Really?

Last AFC Playoff Teams

12. Tennessee Titans 9 6 – Yes, the Jets are playing better, but come on, all you could muster was 10 points? And VY doesn’t even really run anymore, man is anybody going to be the cover of madden this year?

11. Cleveland Browns 9 6 - Come on, don’t make the Cowboys pick a late rounder, and then NOT make the playoffs. COME ON!

The I Can't beleive that one of these teams will be in the second round of the Playoffs Tier

10. New York Giants 10 5 - they showed me a little something this week. You know what it was? Brandon Jacobes can play, Eli can’t.

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9 6 - Story of this game, Graham 9 rush 21 yards, Bennett 5 rush 16 yards. Nice.

Scary Teams, but they could also get the shit kicked out of them.

8. Pittsburgh Steelers 10 5 - They needed a nice win, and they got it. Then they got some good luck with Cle loosing. I still don’t think this team can beat Jacksonville.

7. Seattle Seahawks 10 5 - Very quietly making a strong push forward, getting healthy, and getting ready for the playoffs. Going to be fun to watch this team go to Green Bay in a few weeks.

The Got a Real Shot at the Winning in the Playoffs Tier.

6. San Diego Chargers 9 5 – I am putting this team in this tier if assuming they win tonight, but if they don’t then they are just below the Steelers. Like the Seahawks, this team is ready to make some noise.

5. Jacksonville Jaguars 11 4 – Here is how it will go down, If Jacksonville plays NE, they could beat them, but they won’t beat Indy.

4. Green Bay Packers 12 3 – Thank you Bears! One thing though, Ryan Grant might be legit.

3. Indianapolis Colts 13 2 - Could Marvin play this week? If he comes back and gets them to the championship game, that will be one of the coolest stories of the year.

2. Dallas Cowboys 13 2 – A win is a win, and this once means that they can rest some people next week. They will need that with TO going down.

The Best Ever, at least regular season.

1. New England Patriots 15 0 And, they are going to do it. No doubt about it.

There you go, a little Christmas eve NFL. Sex Me.

Power is in the Eye of.....

I'm going to make this one quick. Lots of good stuff to talk about, but for now your going to have to deal with my list. Hooray!

The Opps I Crapped My Pants Tier

32. Atlanta Falcons 3-11 - Damn what a bad week these guys. I would feel sorry for them, but I haven't liked Atlanta since they got rid of Steve DeBerg and then Jam Jam Anderson.

31. Miami Dolphins 1-13 - Man I was really rooting for the fins to get their only win this Sunday against New England, that would have been fun.

30. San Francisco 49ers 4-10 - I thought Shawn King was an analyst now? Wait is that the same guy?

The Praying for the beatings to stop Tier.

29. St. Louis Rams 3-11 - I still think this team will make the playoffs next year. That is if they don't fire their coach.

28. Baltimore Ravens 4-10 - Can you say give up? Good news is I thought Troy Smith looked pretty good. Maybe?

27. New York Jets 3-11 - That's the third (?) straight competitive game from these guys. I wonder what Johnathan Vilma is doing right now?

26. Kansas City Chiefs 4-10 - Well I think Herm's gone, so that sucks. Ever since I got bounced from my fantasy league's i haven't kept up with LJ's return. Is he still going to try and play?

25. Chicago Bears 5-9 - So, is there anyway the Bears can go up and get D-Mac? That would be some good stuff. I say go get him, sign McNabb and you got a team built for cold weather baby!

24. Cincinnati Bengals 5-9 - The Niner's? Really?

23. Oakland Raiders 4-10 - I still like this team. I don't know why, maybe its that crazy ass porter guy. He's funny.

The "Welp, we gave it shot, now who can we dump all the blame on" Tier

22. Detroit Lions 6-8 - Wow, I never thought this team was that good, but damn have they fallen.

21. Carolina Panthers 6-8 - Vinny didn't play last week because of what is listed as "general soreness." Insert Old Joke Here.

20. Denver Broncos 6-8 - Hmmm. I would still give Cutler another year. If they can shore up their d-line, then this team could be a breakout team next year.

19. Arizona Cardinals 6-8 - So much for my thoughts/hopes of this team making the playoffs.

18. Philadelphia Eagles 6-8 - Something has got to change for this team next year. I don't know if its Donavon, or the coach, or some def overhaul, but they need some help.

17. Buffalo Bills 7-7 - This is probably the worst .500 team right now. I mean come on they get to play the Jets and Fins twice!

16. Washington Redskins 7-7 - Glad to see Sean Taylor make the Pro Bowl. I hope they start just 10 men the first NFC def play.

Wow, could a 9-5 team really not make the playoffs Tier

15. New York Giants 9-5 - I really doubt they miss the playoffs, but they might. And trust me they will get DRILLED in the first round even if they do.

The Playoff Hopefulls

14. Houston Texans 7-7 - Despite the fact I hated the all red Jersey, looks like straight out of Any Give Sunday, watching Mario Williams play is fantastic. How this guy didn't get invited to Hawaii is beyond me. And I don't think they have a shot at the playoffs, but I wish they did.

13. Tennessee Titans 8-6 - Could this be the second year in a row this team just misses the playoffs? Yes it can.

12. New Orleans Saints 7-7 - Reggie is going to try and play, therefore this team is about to be out of the playoffs.

11. Minnesota Vikings 8-6 - Good D, great runners, shitty QB. If only this teams Defence was GREAT then they could have a shot at doing something. They make the playoffs but not my top 10.

Playoff Bound, bound to lose early that is, Tier

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-5 - How is this team this good again? I've been watching but I can't seem to see it.

9. Pittsburgh Steelers 9-5 - You know what? Call me crazy, but i think this team isn't that good. They might just drop one more this year and then we won't get to watch that shitty field in Jan, and that sucks.

8. Cleveland Browns 9-5 - If Cle goes 11-5, I will buy a t-shirt that reads Cle Screwed the Boys" on the front. And "Hoseballs" on the back.

Playoff Big Boys

7. Seattle Seahawks 9-5 - Slowly getting ready to make that final push for Holmgren.

6. San Diego Chargers 9-5 - What if Norv lead this team to a title? How funny would that be? And how many time Marty try and end his own life?

5. Jacksonville Jaguars 10-4 - Man if this team can just not play Indy in the playoffs, they could win it all.

4. Green Bay Packers 12-2 - Way to go Farve, go get you some yards!

3. Dallas Cowboys 12-2 - See I told you i have a bad feeling. Let hope its just one game and not their usually collapse in dec.

Number 2

2. Indianapolis Colts 12-2 - They are starting to get some of that big mo going for um again.

And the Kings

1. New England Patriots 14-0 - Even when Brady plays like shit, Kool Aid is there to take the walls down.

Its short I know but I have been working on my College Football Bowl Guide, so stay tuned for that. Hard.

-The Biggster.

Power is in the eye of.....

Man I love this time of year! College football bowls are just around the corner (i will do a special post about this later), and the NFL season has been moved from a 32 team "everybody has a shot" league, to about a 20-24 team "oh shit we need to win" league. Just like last week, lets rock some playoff talk before we get to the horny strong NFL rankings.

AFC
In: New England 13-0, Indianapolis 11-2.

Leading division with games ahead.
Pittsburgh 9-4(1), San Diego 8-5(2)

Playoff Front Runners
Jacksonville 9-4, Cleveland 8-5,

Slight, needs some help, chances.
Tennessee 7-6, Buffalo 7-6, Denver 6-7, Houston 6-7

NFC
In: Dallas 12-1, Green Bay 11-2, Seattle 9-4

Leading Division with games ahead
Tampa Bay 8-5(2)

Playoff Front Runners
New York 9-4, Minnesota 7-6

Slight, needs some help, but a chance.
Washington 6-7, Detroit 6-7, Arizona 6-7, New Orleans 6-7

Game to Watch This Week
Denver 6-7 @ Houston 6-7 Thursday
Winner still has a shot, loser is out.

Jacksonville 9-4 @ Pittsburgh 9-4 Sun 12:00
Pitt needs to win to have a shot at a first round bye, and Cleveland will be cheering for Jac very, very loudly.

Arizona 6-7 @ New Orleans 6-7 Sun 12:00
Again winner still has a shot, loser is out, and NO needs to win to still have a shot at Div.

Buffalo 7-6 @ Cleveland 8-5 Sun 12:00
While not a must win for Cle, because 9-7 will probably get you in the AFC, but a win for Buffalo would really give them a good chance.

Detroit 6-7 @ San Diego 8-5 Sun 3:15
A win for the Chargers would all but clinch the Div, and the Lions need it to stay alive.

Washington 6-7 @ New York Giants 9-4 Sun 7:30
New York will get a playoff spot with a win, but Washington will be fighting to catch Minnesota for the last wild card spot.

Its going to be one HELL of great football Sunday! Now onto the power rankings for this week. Once again this is based on how the team would fair against a coked up swamp rat trying to protect her young, while constipated.

The Opps I Crapped my Pants Tier

32. Miami Dolphins 0-13 - I know they might be the worst team ever, but you are really going to first Cam Camron after 1 season? Give him at least one more shot.

31. San Francisco 49ers 3-10 - I am sad that Alex Smith didn't work out. I kinda liked that kid.

30. New York Jets 3-10 - I really like the idea that New England shouldn't even suit up a punter for this weeks game. Good line Bill.

Showing Signs that Next Year Could be Better Tier

29. St. Louis Rams 3-10 - This might be a good thing for the Rams. This team was ROCKED by hurt people, now they are going to get a solid pick from the draft. Watch out next year.

28. Atlanta Falcons 3-10 - Well, screw me, Chris Redman wasn't that bad. And a side note, I had to change the stations when Arther Blank made the statement about as long as Vick doesn't go "crazy with the Fried Chicken and Fries," he wouldn't be apposed to letting him back on the team. Uncomfortable.

27. Carolina Panthers 5-8 - See, I told you they should have taken a QB last year in the first round. Brady Quinn would have this team in the playoffs.

I Few Key Players Away Tier

26. Kansas City Chiefs 4-9 - No Larry, no playoffs, and probably, no Herm next year. It all makes me sad.

25. Chicago Bears 5-8 - Thinking back, this is what the Bears do. They are really good, then just OK, then bad, then really good again. All in 3 years.

The Should have been Better Tier

24. Baltimore Ravens 4-9 - The team has given up on its coach. Simple.

23. Oakland Raiders 4-9 - Doesn't really fit the tier. I think these guys are on the way up.

22. Philadelphia Eagles 5-8 - You know who I feel bad for? Brain Westbrook. If this team was 2 games better, he might be an MVP candidate. Now? Nobody cares.

21. Cincinnati Bengals 5-8 - Maybe this will be a wake up call for this team. If they don't make noise in the playoffs next year, Marvin will be gone.

The Playoff Circle Jerk Tier

20. Detroit Lions 6-7 - So, you can't get to 10 wins anymore. Sorry bout ya Jon. Now the question is, can they win one more game.

19. Arizona Cardinals 6-7 - Fun Fun game this week. They need to win, and I hope Robo Jesus Arm comes's through.

18. Washington Redskins 6-7 - Very solid win over the Bears. Need to ride that high this week.

17. Denver Broncos 6-7 - Jay Cutler, right on man. I know a certain friend of mine who will be wearing his oneze this week.

16. Houston Texans 6-7 - Every time I write this team off, they come and push forward. If Andre Johnson didn't get hurt this year, he would be right up there with Moss and TO.

15. New Orleans Saints 6-7 - Well, take a fancy toy away from a kid and he will have just as much fun just playing in the yard. The fancy toy is Reggie Bush, now that he is done for the year, PCL, Sean Payton can't over think his dumb ass.

14. Buffalo Bills 7-6 - So, the Bills still have a shot? I don't understand the team, except they play hard, and with a few bounces their way, they would be 9-4. Crazy.

13. Tennessee Titans 7-6 - Despite the loss to Sand Diego, with Hanseyworth back on the D-Line, in my opinion this team has the best shot to get in out of all these teams.

The I Can't Believe This Team is this Good Tier

12. Minnesota Vikings 7-6 - Every game I expect Travis to fuck up. Welp, that gansta ass just won't do it. Even when Adrian goes for like 10 yards, they win. I don't want to play this team.

Holds Their Own Destiny Tier

11. New York Giants 9-4 - Every time i watch these guys play, I don't see how they are 9-4. They seem to get out played every game, yet they win. Fuck if i know.

10. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 8-5 - The great unknown. Much like Kansas and Missouri from college football, this team kinda came out of nowhere, and they need to be put back in their place. But its not going to happen.

9. Cleveland Browns 8-5 - Is this team coming back down to earth a little bit? They barley beat the Jets. But a win is a win, and they are only 1 game back of Pitt with 3 left. Still got a shot at a home playoff game.

Won't Win it all, but will make some noise in the Playoffs Tier

8. Seattle Seahawks 9-4 - Mat Hassellquarterback has been just bad ass these last few weeks. If he keeps playing like this, and the coach doesn't shoot em in the foot, watch out Green Bay or Dallas

7. Pittsburgh Steelers 9-4 - This was the team that was going to beat New England huh? So the reason I don't have team higher is I still don't know who they are. Last 3 games are like this. Bad Weather win, Bad Field Win, and Blown out by the Pats. Need we start the "Overrated" chant?

6. San Diego Chargers 8-5 - If this team doesn't win at least 1 playoff game, I expect LDT to "hot Carl" Phill Rivers after the loss.

5. Jacksonville Jaguars 9-4 - This team is about to jump to the next tier, but the lack to winning a big game is hurting them. They will get there shot on the road, during the playoffs. I would love to see Jacksonville @ San Diego in the first round.

Top of Conference Teams

4. Green Bay Packers 11-2 - They rolled the lowly Raiders. As they should. Of all the teams already in the playoffs, this is the one that i think could get beat early.

3. Indianapolis Colts 11-2 - Watch out, they are getting healthy. Still has the best shot to beat the pats.

2. Dallas Cowboys 12-1 - Won a game they shouldn't have. That's what good teams do. The thing that I liked the most about the game, the adjustments at half time. What I didn't like was the defense as a whole.

Best Ever Tier, again

1. New England Patriots 12-0 - Well, it seams the only reason the other games were close these past few weeks is they didn't have anything to get for. They did this week, and they rolled. They have a reason again this week because its against the team that started the whole cheating thing. They will the last game because of a shot at 16-0. Team with the chance to beat them over the next 3 weeks? Miami. Yup. Its going to happen.

Well once again i have wasted not only my time in writing this, but yours by reading. I am sorry. I still love you though.

Power is in the Eye of......

Here we go. 4th quarter of the season. The playoff picture is starting to take shape. Two teams are in, New England and Dallas. A couple more could clinch this weekend. The division winners are almost a lock in most of the divisions, so before we look at this weeks rankings, lets take a gander at who the players are still in the playoff. First, the AFC



Division Front Runners (games in front) (1/2 games mean they hold the tie breaker)



East - New England 12-0 (a billion)

North - Pittsburgh 9-3 (2 1/2)

South - Indianapolis 10-2(2 1/2)

West - San Diego 7-5 (2)

Playoff Hopefuls

Jacksonville (8-4)
Tennessee (7-5)
Cleveland (7-5)
Buffalo (6-6)

Now there are some teams at 5-7 that could get in the mix if they win a couple more games, but right now these are the teams in the AFC. I like Jacksonville and Cleveland to surge forward.

NFC

East - Dallas 11-1 (3 1/2)

North - Green Bay 10-2 (4)

South - Tampa Bay 8-4 (3)

West - Seattle 8-4 (2)

Playoff Hopefulls

New York Giants 8-4
Arizona 6-6
Detroit 6-6
Minnesota 6-6

Then you have a BUNCH of teams at 5-7 that are still very much alive. Despite the Giants and there soon to be monumental free fall, they are pretty much in. If Minnesota keeps playing well, they are my pick to go as well, but don't count out Arizona, they don't have to play ANYBODY these last 4 weeks.

So with that little tidbit, here goes this weeks "power" ranking. Again the rating are based on how well this team would fair against a yetti who just had a condom full of coke explode in his belly.

The Opps I Crapped My Pants Tier

32. Miami Dolphins 0-12 - Really? that big of a loss to the Jets? Really

31. San Francisco 49ers 3-9 - They got rocked by the Panthers. Nice.

30. Atlanta Falcons 3-9 - Joey Blue Skis, Byron Leftwich, and now Chris Redman. Wow.

The "We are one good draft and few key free agents away" Tier (no your not)

29. New York Jets 3-9 - Can you really feel good about beating the Dolphins?

28. Carolina Panthers 5-7 - really sad that this team still has a shot at the playoffs.

27. Houston Texans 5-7 - Man, you get Andre Johnson back then you lose Shaub for the rest of the year. Good news is that Defencive front line is starting to really look good.

26. Kansas City Chiefs 4-8 - Starting to not look good for Herm. He might be on the way out. And that makes me sad.

Bad Records, but decent teams, could play spoiler the rest of the year tier

25. Philadelphia Eagles 5-7 - I still think McNugget is done as a QB for this team next year, but they might have won last week if he were in there, or if someone would have told Feeley that Tatupu wasn't on his team.

24. Oakland Raiders 4-8 - Two weeks in a row? Look at you!

23. St. Louis Rams 3-9 - When this team has S. Jax, they are a for real team. Even with the headbutt.

22. New Orleans Saints 5-7 - Will you now believe me that Sean Payton is not that "boy genius" that everyone made him out to be last year? A double reverse when you have the lead late in the 4th? Are you fucking kidding me?

The Bad Teams still holding on to playoff dreams Tier

21. Baltimore Ravens 4-8 - I can totally see Ed Reed and Ray Ray Lewis preforming a "code red" on their head coach.

20 Denver Broncos 5-7 - As soon I think, "You know what? Maybe i was wrong about Jay Cutler, he might have something." He goes and proves I was right all along. There is still time with this guys, but damn.

19. Cincinnati Bengals 4-8 - Lost to Pitt, but they now have San Fran and STL next. If they win both, then there might be some "whoooeeeewwwwwooooo" about them.

18. Washington Redskins 5-7 - Man, on a day where you thought they might have some good Carma, racing man Gibbs farts and falls down.

17. Chicago Bears 5-7 - The Cannon played much better than ol' Eli, but then couldn't come out with a win. Tis a shame.

The What, We really have a shot at playoffs? Tier.

16. Detroit Lions 6-6 - That makes 4 in a row they have dropped. They need to now win out to have Kitna's prediction come true. yea, good luck with that.

15. Buffalo Bills 6-6 - Trent Edwards or JP Losemen? Its this years Joey Blue Skies or Daunte Cullpepper.

14. Arizona Cardinals 6-6 - I really hope this team makes it. Don't know why, but they seem to just be wild ass enuf to do it.

13. New york Giants 8-4 - Had they not pulled that win over Chi town out of their ass, this team would be in full out panic mode. If Brandon Jacobs comes back that will help, but with D.Ward out, and if Jacobs doesn't play, Loss.

First Round of playoff loss is like getting a tug job only to have to finish yourself tier.

12. Minnesota Vikings 6-6 - This team is making some noise. Purple Jesus is back, Travis isn't sucking too bad. I'm not sayin', but I'm just sayin'.

11. Tennessee Titans 7-5 - I know we all love making fun of Rain Man Jones, but if he was on this team, they might be a top 5 team.

10. Cleveland Browns 7-5 - As soon as Brown and I jump on this band waggon, they lose. W.T.F.

9. Tampa Bay Buccaneers 8-4 - These guys start the other McCown, and still win. Still wondering where Chris is these days. Is he even on the team?

Dangerous First Round Teams

8. Seattle Seahawks 8-4 - A lot of people are writing this team off as a pretender. Not me. They have a solid D, and a decent passing game. That means they can stay in any game. That's what you don't want to go against during the playoffs.

7. San Diego Chargers 7-5 - Shot at the Super Bowl? Nope. Shot at upsetting someone big? You bet.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars 8-4 - If I were New England, this is the team front the AFC i don't want to play. They are built for cold weather with good D and one hell of a running game.

The Don't forget about us, we are damn good too tier

5. Pittsburgh Steelers 9-3 - After the bad loss to the jets, they had 2 bad weather games and won them both, don't know what all the means, but we will find out a lot this weekend when they play New England.

4. Green Bay Packers 10-2 - They lost to the boys, but they did show some good fight. Might be a little bit different if they had KGB and Woodson, but we will never know. On a side note, good to see Scott Shap, former lead singer of creed is still working as the back up to Brett Farve. Wait, that's Aaron Rodgers? Really?

3. Indianapolis Colts 10-2 - The sleeping giant of the group. Hard to underrate the defending champs, but they might be a tad underrated.

The Top of the Heap

2. Dallas Cowboys 11-1 - I still can't believe how good this team is. I love it, but there is just something that doesn't feel right. Dammit i hope i am wrong.

1 New England Patriots 12-0 - Not worthy of their own tier anymore. 2 close wins will do that. They may not lose in the regular season, but I bet they don't win it all.

So that's it for this week. Good times. Keep it real and take it easy. Brown is mad at me cuz I'm so sexy, just saying.

-Big

Power is in the Eye.....

Another week, and we still don't have many answers. Some team showed something (Min, Ind) and some just plain farted and fell down (NYG, Tenn). Here is how this week's "power" rankings go. aside-"Power" is measured by how well they would fair in a drug induced fight with police.

The Opps I Crapped my Pants Tier

32 Miami Dolphins 0-11
Well, Ricky comes back and then gets hurt. Chatmen comes back to play, and then gets hurt. You know what that means? Show me North Texas Great Patrick Cobbs! WHOOOO!

If this was college football, these teams would be EVERYBODYS homecoming

31 San Francisco 3-8
I know what your saying, "Big how can such a smart, beautifull human like yourself not move San Fran up after they won against Ariz? Do you hate gay people?" This team still sucks, don't get it twisted because they got hot against a up and down Ariz. You guys beat Robo Jesus Arm. Congrats.

30 Atlanta Falcons 3-8
Hmm, its nice for Indy that when they were on a slide, they got to play joey blue skys and the Falcons. This team is counting the days till they can get Brain Brohm or D-Mack in the draft.

29 Oakland Raiders 3-8
This team showed some fight this week with a win over KC. Baby Huggy Bear was great, and look out, Daunte is showing some signs of life. Jam Jam will start soon, but if Cullpepper has a few more decent games, he will be starting somewhere next year.

28 New York Jets 2-9
They loose big to the boys, showing us that the win against Pitt was just a crazy ass luck, and shitty ass play by Pitt. They could get 1 more win next week against Miami, but other than that? Hello top 5 pick!

27 St.Louis Rams 2-9
I was thinking this team could run the table, but then they had to go put in the Headbutt. Why did you trade away that Harvard guy?

26 Carolina Panthers 4-7
Who do you start, Vinny or Carr? The answer will all ways be loss.

The Only the Die Hard Fans still believe they have a shot Tier

25 Cincinnati Bengals 4-7
Nice win over a slipping Tenn team. Ocho Cinco is back, and now Henry is prison strong, a win this week vs Pitt on Sunday night and they have a shot to get back in things a bit.

24 Baltimore Ravens 4-7
I can see it now, during film session over the 32-14 loss against SD, Ray Lewis will stand up and say "Is Ray Lewis going to have to choke a bitch?" How fun would it be to see Donavon McNuget here next year?

23 Arizona Cardinals 5-6
Every time you think this team has turned a corner, Robo Jesus Arm forgets to pray.

22 Philadelphia Eagles 5-6
They almost beat Satan's Anus. Talking heads across America are saying they provided the blue print for beating New England, too bad they don't have a blue print to get to the playoffs.

21 Buffalo Bills 5-6
Another team i thought would show us something this week. But i forgot about JP Loseman. And the suck is back.

20 Kansas City Chiefs 4-7
3 weeks ago I really thought this team had a shot at the playoffs, well then LJ got hurt, and Priest waves goodbye. Despite Kolby Smith's best effort to be "WTF" player of the week, Herm still can't call the right play at the right time.

19 Washington Redskins 5-6
The loss of Taylor will do one of two things; They will either rally around each other and play some inspired football, or they will be so devastated they fall into the depths of the ocean.

The Teams without an identity but if they find one fast, could get into playoff talks tier

18 Houston Texans 5-6
Welp, they lost to Cle. Thanks. Fag.

17 Denver Broncos 5-6
If Jay can play, They can stay. But he can't, so they shan't.

16 Chicago Bears 5-6
The Sex Cannon officially has a Bullet. His name is Hester, and people that kick to him should be kicked in the balls.

Watch out! They are FALLING!!! tier

15 Tennessee Titans 6-5
Really didn't think the face stomper Haynesworth was that important.

14 Detroit Lions 6-5
I think when Jon Kitna and Bret Farve met for a handshake after the game the conversations went something like this.

Jon-"Hey man good game"
Bret-"Who are you?"
Jon-"I'm Jon Kitna, the quarterback."
Bret-"Bret Farve, Starting quarterback."

The Showing me something Tier

13 Minnesota Vikings 5-6
Again, if Travis plays well, they will make the playoffs.

12 New Orleans Saints 5-6
Welcome back to the league Drew Bree's. Good to see you felt like playing again.

11 San Diego Chargers 6-5
Way to go Norv! One hell of game you put together. Now go loose to the Chiefs.

The Playoffs Front Runners

10 Seattle Seahawks 7-4
Tried to give away that game to the Rams, but hey, a wins a win.

9 New York Giants 7-4
I think Eli just threw another INT. I hope they fall, far far down, and Manning is exposed for the fraud he is.

8 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-4
Why didn't Chris Sims come in when Garcia got hurt? He almost lost his life last year when he played with a busted spleen, you would think that would at least merit a backup job.

7 Cleveland Browns 7-4
I have now given up hope that this pick will be a good one for the Cowboys, so I'm now on the band wagon. This team is so much fun to watch, they are like the West Virgina of the pros. No def, all O.

The AFC Teams that are playing for 2nd

6 Jacksonville Jaguars 8-3
They beat the shit out of the Bills. If Byron Leftwiches back up stay healthy (David Garrard) this team will challenge the Colts.

5 Pittsburgh Steelers 8-3
This team and Green Bay i haven't really figured out yet. They look good sometimes, but then they look like shit sometimes too. I don't know. I just hope they get a home game during the playoffs so we can see that terrible grass at Hines Field. Its old school fun.

4 Indianapolis Colts 9-2
Glad to see them take care of "biznass" against the Falcons. They needed it to say in front of Jacksonville.

Only teams in the NFC worth a damn

3 Green Bay Packers 10-1
We will find out how good this team is in 2 days, my guess, about 2 tiers less than the Cowboys.

2 Dallas Cowboys 10-1
On paper, they are much better than the Packers, but that's on paper.

The Best Team This Year Tier

1 New England Patriots 11-0
They fell from best team ever, to best team this year with scraping by of the Eagles.


There you go. Good times. I wish i had some friends.

-Big

Power is in the Eye of......

Well, well, well. What a NFL season this has been. With 11 weeks in the books, and every team playing 10 games so far, its time for the stretch run of the season. Who are the players? Who are the pretenders? I'm here to tell you. Sports. Power rankings make me horny.

The Opps I Crapped my Pants Tier

32. Miami 0-10 - We really might see a 0-16. This team is BAD. The defence is OLD. In a year where there isn't a super stud #1 overall pick coming out of college, its hard to even say "whelp we got the first pick at least" this year as a Dolphin fan.

31. San Francisco 2-8 - Man if your a fan of the 49ers I'm truly sorry for you. Your stud sleeper RB is hurt, you QB sucks, the TE that was supposed to change the game is a bust so far, and you don't even get to look forward to the draft, cuz you traded your first round pick to Satan's Anus(New England).

30. Oakland 2-8 - I would have this team in the next tier if they start using Jam Jam at QB. They got a solid def but without Lamont Jordan this team is the second worse offence in football. If Russell was starting, at least you would be moving forward.

Bad, bad teams, but they at least have a reason tier

29. Atlanta 3-7 - Well the Falcons have a reason for being this shitty, and he is in Jail. You can't just take away the starting pro bowl QB of your team and except the team not to go down hill, that said, the other parts of this team aren't that bad.

28. NY Jets 2-8 - J-E-T-S REBUILD REBUILD REBUILD! Going to learn a lot about where this team is going during the rest of the season. Is Washington a legit back? Can Clemmons be a starter? Where will Jon Vilma go? Who really gives a damn?

Bad teams you should watch out for, they could get ya!

27. St. Louis 2-8 This team really could go 8-8 and win the div. Look S.Jax is back, Buldger no longer has a broken ribs, and L.Little quite killing people! If the O-Line keeps gelling, they could be the ULTIMATE sleeper.

26. Cincinnati 3-7 - Great O, horrible D. Isn't Marvin a def genius? Well, good news, prison makes you strong.

25. Carolina 4-6 - I never thought I would see the day where we thought Vinny T is a better QB than David Carr. I'm going to start calling Carr the 10cent condom, because he is a BUST!

Not so Bad teams playing like ass tier

24. Chicago 4-6 - If only the Sex Cannon would unleash that damn dragon.

23. New Orleans 4-6 - Man I love Reggie Bush, and if he was on a team with a legit offence leader (read not sean payton), he would be one of the most exciting backs to play the game. Instead he has been regulated to the next Eric Metcalf.

The "at this point they could go either way" tier

22. Baltimore 4-6 - Come on, give Troy Smith a shot. Come on. You know you want to.

21. Kansas City 4-6 - The most entertaining coach in the league, Herm, will keep his job due to yet another average season. This guy gets more free passes from being just as plane as white bread. And i love it.

20. Arizona 5-5 - Good ol' robo arm Jesus face.

19. Minnesota 4-6 - Man this team is great, sans one player, a QB. If Travis, sorry Travarius, boom boom Jackson plays like the played last week, decent, this team can make the playoffs. Mark it.

18. Philadelphia 5-5 - Don't know how long McNugget is out, but if this teams goes to the playoffs again without him, he will be playing in purple next year.

The Fletch Tier (meaning they are under rated)

17. Houston 5-5 - They get a healthy Shaub and AJ, and they win. Its what they do.

16. Buffalo 5-5 - Before Marshawn Lynch went down i really thought they had a shot at the Anus. Man was I wrong! They are still a good team in a shitty teams body.

The I like em, but wouldn't put money on em tier

15 Washington 5-5 - Should have beat the boys. That Auburn QB they have looks pretty nice.

14. Detroit 6-4 - I don't know how this team keeps winning. I guess its God's QB Kitna. And the weired thing is, if their WR's get healthy they could win at least 3 more.

13. Denver 5-5 - Will the real Jay Cutler please stand up? They will go as he goes, so i hope its in the crapper.

12. San Diego 5-5 - Still think DeMarcus Ware was the wrong pick?

11. Tampa Bay 6-4 - Another team with an old QB that seams to be playing over their head.

Don't want to play these guys in the First round of the playoffs tier.

10. Tennessee 6-4 - VY plays well and they loose. The plays like ass, they win. How in the hell?

9. Seattle 6-4 - I think Shauwn Alexander going down has been the best thing to happen to this team, and playing in the West. It forces Hassellquarterback into a bigger role.

8. NY Giants 7-3 - Really scary that Brandon Jacobes went down. They have good back ups, but when he plays well the Giants are a really scary team.

7. Cleveland 6-4 - Most def the team that I don't want to play in the playoffs. They seam to just know how to pull a win out of their ass.

The AFC's Playing for 2nd tier

6. Jacksonville 7-3 - David Garrard? Really? Mo-Jo is what Reggie Bush should be. They are just doing stuff right.

5. Pittsburgh 7-3 - They would have been the #2 team in the AFC if they hadn't shit the bed against the Jets. Watch out, if this team can't play the 3-4 def any better than did on sunday, they could loose really often.

4. Indianapolis 8-2 - You know, I can see this team going back to the super bowl. They can play the good guys, who are down and out, and hurt and have already been beaten down once by the Anus, then out of nowhere beat them in round 2 of the playoffs. That would be great. Except we would have to see even more of Peyton Manning.

Best of the NFC tier.

3. Green Bay 9-1 - They can't run the ball, or can they? They better win this week and then the boys better win so we can have one hell of a game next Thursday with Farve vs. Farve2.0

2. Dallas 9-1 - One thing that scares me about this Cowboy team, the running game. If Romo farts and falls down, so goes the Cowboys until they can get more out of JJ, and MB3.

The Best Ever tier

1. New England Anus 10 - 0 - They are going to do it. They are the best team ever. And nothing i can do can stop it. It sucks. I want so bad to be Tom Brady.

Stay hard!