Giggle (too soon?)

The Warmingglow, Well done.



Well done indeed.

Your New (foreign) Mav

he's french. He's a guard who's quick but likes to shoot three's. He was taken 25 by OKC, then traded to us for the 24th pick BJ Mullens. He was slated to go mid to late 2nd round, possibly not even drafted. We took him at the end of one. Kill me with death.

Highlight Video.



(thriller was a nice touch, but not on purpose.)

ladies and gentlemen......

Rodrigue Beaubois

Another reason i'm scared of getting old

Every time I drink, I feel it. Every time I work out, I feel it. Hell Every time I look at a teenager and think "holy crapy they are young," I feel it.

And now, another reason to be scared of getting old.



now how will i get chicks?

NBA Draft, where dallas will takes somebody who won't ever play

I know, first post in a long time. Basketball is over, I'm not that big a baseball guy, suck it.

However, the NBA draft is this Thursday. Every year, I get so damn excited as to who the Mav's will take, how they can help us win a title next year, so on and so forth. And ever year I get bent over sideways and fucked in the ass. Its what they do.

Even back in the day, the greatest day of drafting the mavericks ever had, I felt like the mav's fucked it all up. Let me explain.

SI.com has a list of "Best Players Drafted at their picks" bit that is a staple when draft time comes along. Well, I'll let you read what they said.

"9. Dirk Nowitzki, Bucks, 1998: In a prearranged draft-night trade that turned into one of the most lopsided deals in history, the Mavericks sent No. 6 pick Robert Traylor to the Bucks for Nowitzki and No. 19 pick Pat Garrity, whom Dallas dealt to Phoenix for Steve Nash. Nowitzki's three-point shooting as a 7-footer transformed the NBA's view of the power forward position. He led the Mavericks to the 2006 NBA Finals and was named league MVP a year later."

Sounds great right? And looking back on it, It really was great. Franchise changing if you will.

Did I think so at the time? Hell, no. my young high school self was watching the draft, and got really really excited when my team, took one of my favorite college players at number 6, Robert "Tractor" Traylor. Then they go and trade for this foren guy that i have never heard of.

Needless to say, I'm glad they did. But at the time, just another kick in the pants form the Mav's drafting team. I guess that's why I'm not an NBA GM. (though I really think I should be).

Look who took a field trip!

One of our few readers and good friend D-Nasty took a trip this last weekend to the new Cowboys stadium for a country concert of the great George Straight. It was the first time the stadium was open for an event, and he took an ass load of pics and was nice enough to share them with us and tell us his thoughts on the spaceship.

For the past three years, all we have heard about the new Cowboys Stadium is that it will end up being pretty much the most bad ass place in the world to watch any sort of sporting event. I had a chance last weekend to see if it lived up to its hype, and man oh man, it did. Firstly, the parking situation is not lacking. We had no issues getting into or finding our lot as the parking lots are marked with massive signs starting about a half mile from the stadium on the south side. Getting out was a whole other story- it took just under an hour to get out of the lot. I will admit that the acoustics were lacking but at the end of the day it’s a football stadium not a symphony hall.

We entered the stadium on the west side (end zone) and as soon as we got in the door we were met with a blast of cold air. That’s right, no more sweaty fat guy next to you for the opening games in September. Once the place filled up, the temperature raised but it was still very comfortable with 60,000 people inside. The end zone concourse areas are wide open to the field and you can see the entire stadium without having to walk through a tunnel under the seats. The main concourse level has a Texas Stadium feel to it at the end zones and then you walk into an enclosed area that pretty much runs the length of the field. Jerry definitely knows how to bring on the bling. I kept wandering how long it would take to look like shit after the season started. For a football stadium meant to have a bunch of rowdy fans, it sure felt like walking through the lobby of a high class hotel. The men’s crapper sure did feel like Texas Stadium. I think that’s where Jerry cut back on spending. The field itself is lined with suites so all the Chris Chris’ can say they were there and saw nothing but Flozell’s ass on the sideline because there is no possible way to see anything on the field during a game from that perspective. They are below the field level like a baseball dugout. I think the most kick ass seats in the whole place would be the high backed end zone seats.

Our seats were in section 333. That level is sort of like the equivalent of the Platinum Club at the American Airlines Center . It’s as if Jerry took elements from the AAC, Rangers Ballpark in Arlington and Texas Stadium and split the themes up by level. The main concourse resembled Texas Stadium in that the columns and set up was very similar. The 300 level, where we were, seems as if it was designed to be like the AAC. The concourse was more of a hallway with entries to suites on the inside and bathrooms on the outside and a bar/concession area on each side. There was a main bar situated in an open area and flanked by two concession stands. There is plenty of room to move around even when it is full of people. Of course the décor and amenities are on a higher end versus the main concourse and upper levels.

The upper level was more like the upper level at the Ballpark. Getting off the escalator felt like I was going to my cheap seats to see a Rangers game. The whole concourse is littered with concession stands and not much else. It happened to be the best place to get food (I’ll touch on the momentarily). I took a peak at what the field looked like from the upper levels, and believe me you want to be in the 300’s or lower. Otherwise you are paying to be at a live event just to see it on a kick ass HD television.

The most awesomist motherf-in screen in the world. I honestly sat in my seat and just stared in awe for a couple of minutes. You can’t imagine it until you see it in person. It is that bad ass! We all know the specs and the hype behind it, but once you see it, it takes you to a whole new level of happy place in your pants. From the 300 level, it is just above you like sitting in a movie theater (I wouldn’t put it past Jerry to offer exclusive viewings- it would be worth every penny). Some of the pictures I took would make you think I was front row they were so crisp- taken directly from the screen. Putting it in perspective, when you look at it versus the other side of the stadium, it pretty much blocks over half of the other side. You see the lower bowl and that’s about it.

I really only have one complaint and I made sure to let everyone who worked there know that nachos should be served on every level. The level we were on only had trendy high end servings like Kobe Hamburgers and buffalo quesadillas and I had to make the trek to the 400 level for peanuts, nachos and even beer at one point. They did run out of food and beer for a portion of the show but I am sure that will be taken care of in the future. Overall, yes, it is the most bad ass place to watch a sporting event. It’s typical Jerry going over the top but what should we expect having the most storied and popular franchise.

Nostalgia is Friggin’ Awesome!

He wasn't kidding.

If you aren't following us on the TWEET space. You are missing browns full on assault on your mind. some highlights of last night's tweet-a-thon.

You think Dwight Howard had those shoulders as a baby? Is his mother's vagina like a waterslide? I'm turned on. -Brown

Wow, we gained another follower in the time I've decided to post to Twitter like a 12 year old discovering his penis. Go us. -Brown

Why did the black guy felt empowered to pour sprinkles all over he ice cream counter? Verizon is sponsored by the Black Panthers - Brown

If Hedo Turkoglu is the Turkish Michael Jordan, then Zaza Pachulia is the Turkish Karl Malone. -Brown

If we ever get a basketball team together, my jersey will say "LeBrown" - Brown
i'm really failing to see the appeal of the twitter. we've been on for a week and i feel more like denka than ricky from barbershop - Brown

I'd probably like Michael Cera's movies if it wasn't for the awkward kid in all of them. -Brown

If you're laughing at a premature confetti drop, you're a) a woman and b) a total bitch. - Brown

Follow us hereHere at http://twitter.com/bigandthebrown

My car’s busted, only one thing left to do

I’m Twittering our page so hard, I’m gonna make the “fail whale” scream in pain.

http://twitter.com/bigandthebrown

“Let’s keep immigrants out…except the geniuses”

I was flipping through a magazine the other day and came across an interesting article regarding how states will be much more stringent on granting H1-B visas to immigrants to ensure that companies are hiring U.S. workers. 

For example, you can’t pay them less then a U.S. worker and you have to lay out exactly what they’re doing and how they qualify more than any U.S. worker, so on and so forth. 

However, the U.S. has a lesser known type of visa known as the O-1 visa.  This thing is referred to as “the genius visa”, and all it takes is to prove that this singular person has a skill set that no one else in the world, let alone in the entire United States of America has.

This O-1 visa is completely removed from any political debate going on in the U.S. government between Republicans and Democrats.

I know what you’re thinking, “what the hell does this discourse on immigration and business have to do with sports?”

Well, one of the few people who happen to have one of these “genius visas”?

Big, what’s this say?

Yup, you guessed it, Dirk Nowitzki.  Other athletes who have qualified for O-1 visas?  Wayne Gretzky, Ronaldo, and Annika Sorenstam

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

“Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom portray the writers of their favorite blog, The Big & The Brown”

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again

 

I hate teenagers.

In full disclosure, I do find entertainment in Andy Samberg.  I think the guy has talent, and he is pretty damn funny.   He managed to lure me in to watching the MTV Movie Awards this year.

My reaction?  Remove metal detectors from schools and let’s go back Darwinian physics.

Look, I understand that MTV has always catered to the lowest common denominator.   I remember Howard Stern doing the Fartman bit, but I’m pretty sure that my generation’s youth wasn’t this fucking retarded.

Allow me to rundown some winners for you:

• Movie: “Twilight”
• Actor:  The Efron kid from “High School Musical 3”
• Actress: The drunk girl from “Twilight”
• ”Breakthrough” Actress: The one girl who didn’t get naked in pictures from “High School Musical 3”
• ”Breakthrough” Actor: The smelly kid from “Twilight” who played Cedric Diggory in the “Harry Potter” flicks.
• Best Song: Hannah Montana
• Best Fight: Twilight
• Best Kiss: Twilight
• “Generation Award”: Ben Stiller

I feel like such an old man because, I don’t even know what the hell this “Twilight” thing is, short of the fact it’s got to do with vampires and shit.  (By the way, my playing Castlevania as a kid made me a dork, but liking “Twilight” makes you cool????)  But this movie was up against actual good movies. 

I know what you’re thinking, “relax, man, these are kids, they’re not going to pick “The Wrestler” or “Slumdog Millionaire” over “Twilight”.   There is no way in hell this show was geared towards kids.  I was rendered pretty uncomfortable by the jokes that were told, and pretty shocked at the language the got away with. 

And that’s what it boils down to.  Viacom and MTV aren’t to blame, it’s the consumer.  The target demo?  You got it, the 15-22 crowd.  This is the future of the world, and I’m supposed to be okay with the fact that this is what entertains them? 

Mike Judge, I’m pretty sure, was telling a joke with the movie, “Idiocracy”, but with my first 2 hour dalliance with MTV in a long time, that movie may become more of a mirror than we’d like it to be.

Fucking teenagers.

My head just exploded…

Dan Shanoff usually writes a decent quick hit of sports every morning over at The Sporting News Blog…

I say usually because I think I read a bit that literally made me so confused and shaken that I had to step outside for a moment:

“Meanwhile, the Magic's win was an affirmation:

— For building your team around a super big: Howard

— For max spending on a complimentary player: Lewis

— For the Euro invasion of NBA: Hedo > Dirk.

— For streetball: Skip To My Lou had a great series.

— For Otis Smith: Signing (Lewis); drafting (Lee); trading (Alston).

— For the Magic, not the Cavs, as the NBA's rising power. “

Did you read that third bullet?

Go ahead, read it again.

Have you gone mental yet?  You should.

Where was I this weekend?

 

Image Source: EDSBS

Have a good weekend.

Be Honest, how long did you do it?

Have a good one.

Movies

Gonna quick hit movies now. (told you i had a back log)

First off, me, brown, and bear went to go see Angles and Demons a while ago. Brown and I are big fans of the book, and not so big a fan of the first movie. I thought about trying to do a whole TB&TB Movies review(or was hoping brown would do one), but its not really worth it for this movie.

Simply put, its alot different from the book, so if your into the book really good strong, you'll hate it.

If you thought the book was good, and can enjoy something that is mearly based on it, you'll enjoy it.

If you haven't ever read the book, Its good, but not great.

I'd suggest dollar theater or rental.

For fear of fucking up what might be a future post, all I'm going to say is you have to seek out and see In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

All I'm going to say about it, it stars Jason Stathom, Mathew Lillard, Leelee Sobieski, Ray Liotta, and Burt Reynolds as the king. God i wish Mystery Science Theater was still on.

Lastly I've got another trailer for you from a movie I think looks terribly good. (Remember, you saw the hangover clip here first) Its called "the Goods. Live Hard. Sell Hard." and no, its not about my penis. Enjoy.

Soccer

Up next in my attempt to catch up a bit, Soccer.

Somewhere, drowning his sorrows in warm ale, Sir Arther Chillumsworth III esq is crying in the fetal position, swaying back and forth, asking the question "why?" over and over again.

Why?

His beloved Manchester United lost the Champions League finial, 2-0, to Barcelona.

Sorry buddy, hang in there.

cleaning out the closet, MMA

All right, my goal today is to clear out the old "back log" of posts. They probably won't be long, but I've got a few that i wanted to post, but never finished. Up first, MMA

The UFC had a pretty big fight last weekend, and we have a new Baddest Man on the Planet.

UFC 98 was headlined by the Light Heavy Weight title fight between "Suga" Rashad Evans and Lyoto "The Dragon" Machida., and trust me, the UFC LtHeavy Strap means your the Baddest man on the Planet.

Evans is undefeated coming into 98 and won the strap from fan favorite Forrest Griffin over the winter, with a stunning knock out of the gritty Griffin.

Lyoto Machida, also undefeated, has been called the best fighter nobody likes, because of his "boring" fighting style. Machida is a reactionary fighter who will grind out a victory(think Lennox Lewis in boxing).

Well, the non exciting Machida dramatically knocked out Suga' in the second round, and is still undefeated, and still gets no respect.

In fact, the person that is next in line for a title shot, Quinten Rampage Jackson, has decided to be a host of the Ultimate Fighter, and fight the other host, Rashad Evans, the loser of last Saturday title fight.

So who fights Machida? Well Forrest Griffen and Anderson Silva are fighting at UFC 100, and even though Silva is a middle weight stepping up in class to 205, he is considered to be one of the pound for pound best fighters in the game. The winner of that fight in few months will prob get a title fight with the Dragon sometime next year.

Can’t get enough of us?

You know, because we post so god damn much as it is…Big up and signed us up for the Twitter.

Nevermind my ranting about it.  He joined so we could follow the Shaq and Simmons trains of thoughts…rather be on the forefront of comedy than wait for Daulerio to find it and post about it like usual.

Anyway, we probably won’t post much, probably out of principle more than anything.   However, if we get enough followers, you might get such masterful “tweets” from me like  “i’m blogging while shitting. hooray for watermelon!”  or “next time I see Bear, I’m going to hit him in the mouth”.

http://twitter.com/bigandthebrown

well, there is always next yeCAV'S WIN! CAV'S WIN!

In case you missed it, last Friday during game two of the Cav's Magic Eastern Conference finials, Hedo Turkaglue (the turkish Michael Jordan) hit a shot with 1 second left, putting the Magic up 2. Problem was he left a second, and the Cav's have LeBron.

needless to say he hit the shot to win the game. Its what he does.

Here I bring you a Cleveland newscast that was finishing just as the Cav's game was. Wait for it.....Wait for it.....



There it is.

Silly white girl broke into the "cheerleader" hand movements.

new big TV

Still a little hazy from sunday (can't shake em like i could 6 years ago), as brown pointed out. But we will try and press though the fog.

Here is a video of the new Cowboy stadium Jumbo-Tron.



Looks cool.

Why you won’t hear from us much this week

It was quite the party on Sunday.

I decided to break every unwritten man-law ever created.

Big recreated an A&W commercial, only with a beer keg.

Bizzle felt the need to show his penis…to another dude.

Bear’s dead.

Have a good weekend.

Even Hitler is relaxing this weekend.

Have a good one from your portly blogger and suntanned superman.

See what you did!

Due to a certain grizzly like fellow, and his breaking of the baseball team here in Dallas. My good pal and writing buddy has decided to move to Nebraska.

And he's taking his cheese and water bottle full of Jager with him.



Way to go buddy. Way to go.

One more reason to hate Robert Horry

First off, let me get this out of the way. Robert Horry is a giant fuck twat, and I hope he gets the same ass cancer that’s killing Farah Fawcett. 

Now that I read that this son of a bitch who’s done nothing but ride coattails his entire career and make a few 3 pointers has the nerve and temerity to lose his 7 championship rings, and laugh about it? 

I’m sorry, you giant cunt bucket.  Wasn’t it enough that you were the black Steve Kerr?  Now you’re going to rub it in the rest of the world’s face by claiming you really don’t care enough about winning titles that you might fancy taking more care of the rings?

Fuck you, Robert Horry.  Fuck you with a rake turned sideways.

Fellow Computer Dorks, meet your new desktop wallpaper…

 

Image Source : Gizmodo

How to confuse my writing buddy…

Big is, believe it or not, pretty hard to confuse.  Not that he’s got some higher observational IQ than others, normally if he senses a situation that will confuse him, he’ll extricate himself to go enjoy a cigarette. 

However, I think I’ve found the thing that will confuse him.

Big loves Barack Obama.  Loves him.  He’s black, he loves basketball and he’s a Democrat.  Forget the whole president thing, Big just needs these things.

Big’s also a big ol’ Catholic.  And, because he follows Catholic dogma, he’s immediately a Notre Dame football fan.  That, and he cried at the end of “Rudy”.

That’s when I came across this story.

Seems like Barack Obama hates Notre Dame football.

Ball’s in your court, Big. 

*cue the Honky Tonk Man

Will we get to see Pacquiao v. Mayweather?

Everyone is begging for these two guys to fight.  Some are even claiming that this could be the “savior of boxing”…not heavyweight boxing mind you (that hasn’t been really relevant since Lewis v Klitschko), but boxing as a sport against MMA.

See, Mayweather has been thought of as the best pound-for-pound fighter of his generation, and, what might be more important, he backed it up with the flair and panache that made people love to hate him.  How can you not kind of love a guy who said he fights for paychecks and doesn’t care about history or the sport?  

Then, Mayweather “retired”, and in came the Filipino wunderkind, Manny Pacquiao.

Manny is currently thought of as the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world, and he’s the complete opposite of Mayweather.  He appears humble, does it for the sport, loves his people and isn’t a very loud talking, glitzy person.

Mayweather is one of those deceptive fighters who’s quick, works the whole ring and either looks to tire out his opponent or tie them up in a corner and the he’ll unleash the quickest hands you’ve ever seen.  He’s more of a dancer then a puncher.

Pacquiao goes right at his opponents and puts on a punching demonstration that makes your arms tired.  He’ll punch his way out of a jam, and then continue to punch his opponent into submission.

After Pacquiao destroyed De La Hoya and Hatton, everyone immediately began to clamor for Pacquiao and Mayweather to fight…problem is the weight class difference.  Pacquiao fights in the low 140’s and Mayweather fights in the high 140’s and low 150’s.

Pacquiao’s camp doesn’t want to go above 147 for a Mayweather.  They did it for De La Hoya because Oscar was old and they knew Manny’s speed could take him.  Not the case with Mayweather. Mayweather’s camp feels that Floyd being Floyd is too good to meet another fighter’s demands and they won’t go below 147.  Also, Mayweather is going to demand a larger percentage of the purse.

So will we ever get to see the fight that everyone wants?   As the MIllion Dollar Man says…every man has their price.

Is this for real?

Because I’m on board the second they showed Cleveland hanging out with a Bear…it’s like my god damn life story.

This is only relevant to like 2 people

…but Thor is still a big queer.

Source: The Sugar Sheet

Dallas Cowboy Progress Report

The Mighty (and great) MJD over at The Shutdown Corner at Yahoo! has provided a lengthy and thorough Dallas Cowboy progress report, and I suggest you check it out.

Some highlights…

“If the Cowboys are going to have team t-shirts printed up with a slogan for the 2009 season, I'd like to suggest, "FORGET YOUR POPCORN." The era of popcorn needs to be over. It's time to usher in an era of just being a football team.”

“Recently, it seems like the Cowboys have been more of a general entertainment entity than an actual football team.”

“For now, though, I think the lack of headlines is progress enough. They've signed low-key guys who can contribute, I liked their volume approach to drafting, and they've done it all without being flashy or bringing distractions upon themselves.”

Phil Mickelson’s wife has breast cancer.

I’m not sure I’m going to slap God in the face here and make a joke…but you can put two and two together regarding Lefty, breasts and cancer.

Mike Vick got released from prison today…now what?

So, if you haven’t heard, everyone’s favorite dog fightin’ quarterback was released from prison at midnight this morning and will server the remaining 2 months of his sentence under a house arrest condition.   Then he’s on probation for 3 years. 

So, now what?

Well, in the short term, he’s going to be working a $10/hr construction job to earn wages (and get back into shape).

What does this mean for his football career?  Is it over forever?  Is he going to get reinstated?  If he does, will anyone sign him?

Here’s what I don’t get.  Why is he not being, at least somewhat, forgiven? 

I’m a dog lover.  Really, I am.  And I can’t begin to imagine how fucked up in the head someone has to be to fight dogs.  But, the man was forced to relinquish his career and assets and has served 2 years in federal prison.  I’d like to think he’s learned a lesson and has paid his debt. 

Forget my abhorrence towards PETA.  I’m an animal lover, but hearing PETA stories and people makes me want to kick a box of kittens around their office while eating stake and wearing a mink banana hammock. 

I’ve been rambling all around here, but I’m wondering where the fury is over Leonard Little who killed PEOPLE while driving drunk and has gotten another DUI since, yet is still in the league?   Where’s the fury around Donte Stallworth who killed a PERSON this offseason while driving drunk?  Ray Lewis stabbed a man to death and he’s lauded as the NFL’s reverend replacement for Reggie White?  Jamal Lewis went to jail for selling cocaine and we’re all good with that?

I’m not bringing up a point regarding the league’s and media’s hypocrisy that hasn’t been brought up before.   However, if a team wants to sign Mike Vick to a contract, they should be allowed to do so without having to think, “boy what’s PETA going to do to us?” and “what’s the media going to do to us?”   At least not if MADD and the media aren’t going to protest Browns and Rams camps all summer.

We can point at Michael Vick and say he’s a bad man.  That’s easy.  But I’m not convinced that the same finger needs to be pointed at PETA and media-types who are just as guilty for sidewalk proselytizing and crucifying the man.

/dick joke

See what you did!?!

Look what you did!

We warned you about Jinxing them, didn't we? But NoooooooOOoo, you had to plug your site! "Come on over to my side of the internet," he said, "I'm talking about them" he said.

You know what this means right?



It's bear season bitch!

Everybody's doing it!

I don't know what has been in the air the last few weeks, maybe its a side effect of the swine flu, but either my overly horny self is seeking it out, or there have been a lot of famous people getting naked recently.

I love hot naked women, so i thought you sexy reader might as well.

NOTE! All links are NSFW! You have been warned.








Gwyneth Paltrow

Rihanna

Mary-Louise Parker . The mom from weeds. So, so great.

jessica biel.

and because everybody else is doing it...Me

SO there you go. Hope this makes up for lack of posts recently.

Holla.

Why aren’t we talking about [NAME REDACTED]?

It’s simple.  Both Big and I are HUGE believers in the jinx factor. 

We ain’t sayin’ shit until we feel it’s safe.