"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

“Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom portray the writers of their favorite blog, The Big & The Brown”

I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again

 

I hate teenagers.

In full disclosure, I do find entertainment in Andy Samberg.  I think the guy has talent, and he is pretty damn funny.   He managed to lure me in to watching the MTV Movie Awards this year.

My reaction?  Remove metal detectors from schools and let’s go back Darwinian physics.

Look, I understand that MTV has always catered to the lowest common denominator.   I remember Howard Stern doing the Fartman bit, but I’m pretty sure that my generation’s youth wasn’t this fucking retarded.

Allow me to rundown some winners for you:

• Movie: “Twilight”
• Actor:  The Efron kid from “High School Musical 3”
• Actress: The drunk girl from “Twilight”
• ”Breakthrough” Actress: The one girl who didn’t get naked in pictures from “High School Musical 3”
• ”Breakthrough” Actor: The smelly kid from “Twilight” who played Cedric Diggory in the “Harry Potter” flicks.
• Best Song: Hannah Montana
• Best Fight: Twilight
• Best Kiss: Twilight
• “Generation Award”: Ben Stiller

I feel like such an old man because, I don’t even know what the hell this “Twilight” thing is, short of the fact it’s got to do with vampires and shit.  (By the way, my playing Castlevania as a kid made me a dork, but liking “Twilight” makes you cool????)  But this movie was up against actual good movies. 

I know what you’re thinking, “relax, man, these are kids, they’re not going to pick “The Wrestler” or “Slumdog Millionaire” over “Twilight”.   There is no way in hell this show was geared towards kids.  I was rendered pretty uncomfortable by the jokes that were told, and pretty shocked at the language the got away with. 

And that’s what it boils down to.  Viacom and MTV aren’t to blame, it’s the consumer.  The target demo?  You got it, the 15-22 crowd.  This is the future of the world, and I’m supposed to be okay with the fact that this is what entertains them? 

Mike Judge, I’m pretty sure, was telling a joke with the movie, “Idiocracy”, but with my first 2 hour dalliance with MTV in a long time, that movie may become more of a mirror than we’d like it to be.

Fucking teenagers.

My head just exploded…

Dan Shanoff usually writes a decent quick hit of sports every morning over at The Sporting News Blog…

I say usually because I think I read a bit that literally made me so confused and shaken that I had to step outside for a moment:

“Meanwhile, the Magic's win was an affirmation:

— For building your team around a super big: Howard

— For max spending on a complimentary player: Lewis

— For the Euro invasion of NBA: Hedo > Dirk.

— For streetball: Skip To My Lou had a great series.

— For Otis Smith: Signing (Lewis); drafting (Lee); trading (Alston).

— For the Magic, not the Cavs, as the NBA's rising power. “

Did you read that third bullet?

Go ahead, read it again.

Have you gone mental yet?  You should.

Where was I this weekend?

 

Image Source: EDSBS

Have a good weekend.

Be Honest, how long did you do it?

Have a good one.

Movies

Gonna quick hit movies now. (told you i had a back log)

First off, me, brown, and bear went to go see Angles and Demons a while ago. Brown and I are big fans of the book, and not so big a fan of the first movie. I thought about trying to do a whole TB&TB Movies review(or was hoping brown would do one), but its not really worth it for this movie.

Simply put, its alot different from the book, so if your into the book really good strong, you'll hate it.

If you thought the book was good, and can enjoy something that is mearly based on it, you'll enjoy it.

If you haven't ever read the book, Its good, but not great.

I'd suggest dollar theater or rental.

For fear of fucking up what might be a future post, all I'm going to say is you have to seek out and see In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

All I'm going to say about it, it stars Jason Stathom, Mathew Lillard, Leelee Sobieski, Ray Liotta, and Burt Reynolds as the king. God i wish Mystery Science Theater was still on.

Lastly I've got another trailer for you from a movie I think looks terribly good. (Remember, you saw the hangover clip here first) Its called "the Goods. Live Hard. Sell Hard." and no, its not about my penis. Enjoy.

Soccer

Up next in my attempt to catch up a bit, Soccer.

Somewhere, drowning his sorrows in warm ale, Sir Arther Chillumsworth III esq is crying in the fetal position, swaying back and forth, asking the question "why?" over and over again.

Why?

His beloved Manchester United lost the Champions League finial, 2-0, to Barcelona.

Sorry buddy, hang in there.

cleaning out the closet, MMA

All right, my goal today is to clear out the old "back log" of posts. They probably won't be long, but I've got a few that i wanted to post, but never finished. Up first, MMA

The UFC had a pretty big fight last weekend, and we have a new Baddest Man on the Planet.

UFC 98 was headlined by the Light Heavy Weight title fight between "Suga" Rashad Evans and Lyoto "The Dragon" Machida., and trust me, the UFC LtHeavy Strap means your the Baddest man on the Planet.

Evans is undefeated coming into 98 and won the strap from fan favorite Forrest Griffin over the winter, with a stunning knock out of the gritty Griffin.

Lyoto Machida, also undefeated, has been called the best fighter nobody likes, because of his "boring" fighting style. Machida is a reactionary fighter who will grind out a victory(think Lennox Lewis in boxing).

Well, the non exciting Machida dramatically knocked out Suga' in the second round, and is still undefeated, and still gets no respect.

In fact, the person that is next in line for a title shot, Quinten Rampage Jackson, has decided to be a host of the Ultimate Fighter, and fight the other host, Rashad Evans, the loser of last Saturday title fight.

So who fights Machida? Well Forrest Griffen and Anderson Silva are fighting at UFC 100, and even though Silva is a middle weight stepping up in class to 205, he is considered to be one of the pound for pound best fighters in the game. The winner of that fight in few months will prob get a title fight with the Dragon sometime next year.

Can’t get enough of us?

You know, because we post so god damn much as it is…Big up and signed us up for the Twitter.

Nevermind my ranting about it.  He joined so we could follow the Shaq and Simmons trains of thoughts…rather be on the forefront of comedy than wait for Daulerio to find it and post about it like usual.

Anyway, we probably won’t post much, probably out of principle more than anything.   However, if we get enough followers, you might get such masterful “tweets” from me like  “i’m blogging while shitting. hooray for watermelon!”  or “next time I see Bear, I’m going to hit him in the mouth”.

http://twitter.com/bigandthebrown

well, there is always next yeCAV'S WIN! CAV'S WIN!

In case you missed it, last Friday during game two of the Cav's Magic Eastern Conference finials, Hedo Turkaglue (the turkish Michael Jordan) hit a shot with 1 second left, putting the Magic up 2. Problem was he left a second, and the Cav's have LeBron.

needless to say he hit the shot to win the game. Its what he does.

Here I bring you a Cleveland newscast that was finishing just as the Cav's game was. Wait for it.....Wait for it.....



There it is.

Silly white girl broke into the "cheerleader" hand movements.

new big TV

Still a little hazy from sunday (can't shake em like i could 6 years ago), as brown pointed out. But we will try and press though the fog.

Here is a video of the new Cowboy stadium Jumbo-Tron.



Looks cool.

Why you won’t hear from us much this week

It was quite the party on Sunday.

I decided to break every unwritten man-law ever created.

Big recreated an A&W commercial, only with a beer keg.

Bizzle felt the need to show his penis…to another dude.

Bear’s dead.

Have a good weekend.

Even Hitler is relaxing this weekend.

Have a good one from your portly blogger and suntanned superman.

See what you did!

Due to a certain grizzly like fellow, and his breaking of the baseball team here in Dallas. My good pal and writing buddy has decided to move to Nebraska.

And he's taking his cheese and water bottle full of Jager with him.



Way to go buddy. Way to go.

One more reason to hate Robert Horry

First off, let me get this out of the way. Robert Horry is a giant fuck twat, and I hope he gets the same ass cancer that’s killing Farah Fawcett. 

Now that I read that this son of a bitch who’s done nothing but ride coattails his entire career and make a few 3 pointers has the nerve and temerity to lose his 7 championship rings, and laugh about it? 

I’m sorry, you giant cunt bucket.  Wasn’t it enough that you were the black Steve Kerr?  Now you’re going to rub it in the rest of the world’s face by claiming you really don’t care enough about winning titles that you might fancy taking more care of the rings?

Fuck you, Robert Horry.  Fuck you with a rake turned sideways.

Fellow Computer Dorks, meet your new desktop wallpaper…

 

Image Source : Gizmodo

How to confuse my writing buddy…

Big is, believe it or not, pretty hard to confuse.  Not that he’s got some higher observational IQ than others, normally if he senses a situation that will confuse him, he’ll extricate himself to go enjoy a cigarette. 

However, I think I’ve found the thing that will confuse him.

Big loves Barack Obama.  Loves him.  He’s black, he loves basketball and he’s a Democrat.  Forget the whole president thing, Big just needs these things.

Big’s also a big ol’ Catholic.  And, because he follows Catholic dogma, he’s immediately a Notre Dame football fan.  That, and he cried at the end of “Rudy”.

That’s when I came across this story.

Seems like Barack Obama hates Notre Dame football.

Ball’s in your court, Big. 

*cue the Honky Tonk Man

Will we get to see Pacquiao v. Mayweather?

Everyone is begging for these two guys to fight.  Some are even claiming that this could be the “savior of boxing”…not heavyweight boxing mind you (that hasn’t been really relevant since Lewis v Klitschko), but boxing as a sport against MMA.

See, Mayweather has been thought of as the best pound-for-pound fighter of his generation, and, what might be more important, he backed it up with the flair and panache that made people love to hate him.  How can you not kind of love a guy who said he fights for paychecks and doesn’t care about history or the sport?  

Then, Mayweather “retired”, and in came the Filipino wunderkind, Manny Pacquiao.

Manny is currently thought of as the best pound-for-pound fighter in the world, and he’s the complete opposite of Mayweather.  He appears humble, does it for the sport, loves his people and isn’t a very loud talking, glitzy person.

Mayweather is one of those deceptive fighters who’s quick, works the whole ring and either looks to tire out his opponent or tie them up in a corner and the he’ll unleash the quickest hands you’ve ever seen.  He’s more of a dancer then a puncher.

Pacquiao goes right at his opponents and puts on a punching demonstration that makes your arms tired.  He’ll punch his way out of a jam, and then continue to punch his opponent into submission.

After Pacquiao destroyed De La Hoya and Hatton, everyone immediately began to clamor for Pacquiao and Mayweather to fight…problem is the weight class difference.  Pacquiao fights in the low 140’s and Mayweather fights in the high 140’s and low 150’s.

Pacquiao’s camp doesn’t want to go above 147 for a Mayweather.  They did it for De La Hoya because Oscar was old and they knew Manny’s speed could take him.  Not the case with Mayweather. Mayweather’s camp feels that Floyd being Floyd is too good to meet another fighter’s demands and they won’t go below 147.  Also, Mayweather is going to demand a larger percentage of the purse.

So will we ever get to see the fight that everyone wants?   As the MIllion Dollar Man says…every man has their price.

Is this for real?

Because I’m on board the second they showed Cleveland hanging out with a Bear…it’s like my god damn life story.

This is only relevant to like 2 people

…but Thor is still a big queer.

Source: The Sugar Sheet