How did you get to our website?

We have a little Google analytics thing on this site that lets us know what searches people are doing to get to our web site. I haven't really done too much to check on what people are searching to get here, but when I looked this morning...wow. All my Maverick woes are gone because I've been belly laughing for about 10 minutes now.

Here's some highlights of ACTUAL SEARCHES that people have done that have made them visit this little site right here.

twogirlsandacup - I like the fact that our website is now synonymous to women eating shit. Why do people need to Google this? Haven't they figured out the site to go to?

soulja boy ejaculation - I can only imagine some guy sitting at his computer looking for naked pictures of Soulja Boy Tellem, apparently ejaculating, and ending up on Big's comparison of the Mavericks to the Big Lebowski.

june jones fucker - Have we ever mentioned June Jones on this site? Neither of us care about SMU football or Hawai'i football. Let alone, why someone wants to see or call him a fucker.

new porn order - Giggle.

sam elliot nude blogspot - Again, I picture some frumpy housewife who has just seen "Tombstone" and thought the guy with the bushy mustache was uber-sexy. So she's in front of her computer looking for nude pics of him to get her rocks off. She specifies blogspot because, let's be honest, that's much more innocuous on your search history. What does she come across? A "STOP Hammertime" picture.

around and brown porno - And here I thought no one found out about this.

bigs clitoris - I always knew that he had one. This proves it.

bigs moms on small boys - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

boylove - Thanks, Google. I'm just waiting to walk into my own living room one day to find Chris Hansen asking me to sit down and tell him what this has to do with our website.

brown porn - A vast collection indeed. You should search for it.

That may be the sun, but these are dark times in Dallas

I really can't say too much, as I'm doing my best to make sure that the hammer doesn't hit the chamber on Big's gun that's in his mouth right now, so I'll just let Sturm say it for me....

Quick Pop Quiz:

Name that Team

1) They are sliding late after a promising start of the season.

2) They just made a huge trade that looked great, but now is causing all sorts of growing pains.

3) Their Coach is in danger of being fired if this doesn't turn around.

4) Their Players are accused by some of not having the guts to win when it matters.

5) Their Playoff reputation is what keeps anyone from buying into them.

6) They just got beat at home by a team from Southern California.

7) They play their home games at the American Airlines Center.

8) They frustrate the heck out of me.

9) You would be foolish to bet on them advancing past round 1 this year

10) They might need another drastic overhaul when this season is over.

Answer:

If you named either the Stars or the Mavericks, you win.

I'm not sure just what the fuck is going on in this city and its sports teams. Do the Mavericks and Stars not realize that the Cowboys left a bad taste in our mouths and the only thing coming up is Ranger season???

Come on. I'm begging the Sports Gods' mercy. Laura Miller is not in office, forgive us for her parade sin. Forgive us for Jessica Simpson. Forgive us for Matthew McConaughey. Just please, have mercy on this city.

Day one,

So the first day of NCAA is done with, another big one today. It was a pretty simple day, only 2 "upsets," and one of them was 9 seed A&M over 8 seed BYU.

In our little bracket thingie over at ESPN, guess who is in last? That's right, its Brown. I can't say much because I'm second to last, I missed USC, Kent, and the upset special Winthrop(bastards, make me look dumb!!!), but out of those I only have USC going to the next round, so its still anybodys game.

teams I liked from yesterday:

UNLV played great and could give Kansas some problems.

Pitt may have the best defense in the nation right now.

Notre Dame can beat anybody if they get hot.

Teams i didn't like yesterday:

Duke has to play better than that. they might be the weekest 2 in the tourney

Xavier scared me yesterday. I have them all the way to the round of 8. That didn't look like a 3 seed yesterday.

Another slate of games today, and much like yesterday I will be poping on and giving some "reports" on whats going down while i'm at work today. Games i am looking forward to seeing:

Western Ky. vs. Drake - Its the classic David vs. well... David.

Davidson vs. Gonzaga - Its the classic David vs. well....David-son(ha!), again (did they do this so we will most def get a smaller school in the second round?)

South Alabama vs. Butler - Do you see the pattern? All of these are the early games, almost saying go fuck yourself mid majors.

Austin Peay vs. (The team that can't be named for fear Brown will kill me for writting about and "jinxing" his alma mater)

UT-Arlington vs. Memphis - Maybe this Mavrick team will play with some heart.

NCAA Live!!! (kinda)

First 3 games are done, and I'm 3 for three(as if you care). I watched most of the Xaiver-Georgia game and now am looking forward to switching between Kentucky v Marquette, and Purdue v Baylor. Here is my running blog of the second half of the early games.

love the 16-1 match up, Kansas already has 64 and still has 10 left in the game.

The fact that Xaiver/Georgia is the only competive game has the streamming very shaky. I can hear just fine, but I'm watching a silde show right now. Its like someone explaining to you their first time at a basketball game and showing you still pics. "And this Gaines going to the rim." when all it looks like is a bunch of blurry black guys on a basketball court.

Tied at 49 with 7:50 left to go, then Georgia missed 2 layups, followed by a fast break 3 pointer by Xaiver. This could be the begining of the the end.

Other games don't look worth watching at all, Kansas by 25, Mich St by 18.

Yup, in 2 min the X Men have taken all the big mo, now lead by 8 with 5 min left

Dave Bliss from Geogria(how on EARTH did this team not play Baylor in the first round?) just slammed home a NASTY dunk to get the dawgs back to within 4.

Temple is trying to get back into the game againt Mich St, pulling within 12 with 2:20 to go, but nobody is watching because Georgia keeps fouling Xaiver in their comeback attempt.

So Xaiver, Kansas, and Mich St all move on to the round of 32. Good stuff

NCAA Live!!!

I'm at work, for the time being. With that said, NCAA.com, and March Madness on Demand is a god send. I am watching Xavier(a sweet 16 in my bracket) get pushed around right now by the barley 500 Georgia.

Looking forward to later today
Kentucky Baylor Kansas St.
v v v
Marquette Purdue USC

Texas A&M George Mason
v v
BYU Notre Dame

and my upset special

Winthrop
v
Washington St.

Where I think Winthrop will shock the fine older ladies that just wanna fuck us young dudes.

More to come. Keep Checking this post.

15:35 left and Xaiver is down 11 (!) to Georgia. Georgia was 4-12 in the SEC this year.

Mich St. is starting to pull away from Temple, 42-26 with 17:00 left in the game.

And no shocker in the Kansas game, they are blowing up Portland state, who has a 5 foot 6 starting point. They are up 20.

Xaiver started playing like a 3 seed again, pulling withen 4 and has the ball

OK - so the live bloging has lagged my video streaming, so This will the be the last post till after the early games.

Last Chance

Last chance this morning to try and beat me and Brown in a bracket picking contest.

Go to here over at ESPN, and sign up, when asked for group search The Big and the Brown, make your pics, if your Number One, you get a post on this here interweb.

Good stuff. I will be on later with some team/people to watch today.

Sex me.

Please, Howard, don't hurt 'em

So, I watched "Howard the Duck" on television the other day, because it's my god given right as a man, and I've decided that the plot line of the story is much deeper than I ever could have expected.

Here's a basic synopsis of the movie:

The film begins in "Duckworld", a version a planet Earth, only with talking ducks...naturally. Howard, our duck-hero, is sitting on his recliner flipping through the latest edition of "Playduck" (a hilarious play on the magazine "Playboy" if you ask me), and his chair takes off like a rocket and ending up in Cleveland, Ohio.

That's right, if aliens are coming to America from Duckworld, they're coming to Cleveland. I have no problem with that what-so-ever.

A gang of punks mistake him as a child in a costume a proceed to carry him into a club where Lea Thompson's band is playing. The bouncer, also believing Howard is a minor, throws him out of the club. Howard hears Lea Thompson getting accosted by two thugs, and prceeds to use his "Quack Fu" skills to dispose of the would be attackers. Lea Thompson invites him to her apartment.

I think that this was a direct statement on society in general. Here, it says that the gang mentality of America (remember, it's Cleveland) is to assume anything different is to be feared and removed from our daily lives. It takes a extraordinary task to truly earn acceptance by human society from an outsider.

Howard tries to get a job, but is ridiculed for being different. He dismisses Lea Thompson and goes on to cope with life by working in a hot tub and sauna center fixing, you got it, hot tubs and saunas. He is treated unfairly by his employer and leaves.

This is a great statement on how illegal aliens are treated and exploited to do the menial tasks that the rest of us want to do. I know when I need my hot tub fixed, I request aliens.

Howard returns to Cleveland...you know what? Forget it. It was fucking "Howard the Duck". Only two guys I know will argue the movie has relevance, and one of them is the Blogador. I wonder just how high George Lucas was to read the comic and say "I'll make a movie out of this. After Star Wars, I can't miss!"

Can't touch this.

I just want to say one thing here.



That is all.

The 2nd Turnbuckle - Return of the "lost" Blogadore

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So maybe the Blogadore isn't as great a performer as previously thought, but, hey, people still go nuts for Hulk Hogan. Or in the case of Brooke Hogan's 33 year old friend, some people still go for Hulk Hogan's nuts. Heeyyooooh!

I think the writers for "Lost" were part of the creative form late-90s WCW.
The survivors of Flight 815 were the regular WCW. We thought "how are they going to get off the island?" just like we used to think "Who's going to be the next heavyweight champ?"


Then walks in the Outsiders, Hall and Nash. All of a sudden the Others are here to add to the crappy situation. Ethan and Goodwin are making lists and stealing kids. You follow me?



That storyline gets a little boring. But there are still each individual story to watch. That's like the wrestlers who weren't a part of the nWo or feuding with the them.

Eventually everyone is conglomerate or each other. The Others are teaming with Survivors, Survivors are fighting survivors. This is the same situation the WCW/nWo was in. Everyone was either WCW or nWo and someone was trading teams at one point.

So what did they do? Wolfpac.

(I'm pretty sure they misspelled it on purpose to be kewl)

You had nWo (black and white) and nWo: Wolfpac (black and red).They fought each other while still pushing around the WCW regulars. Now on the island you have Camp Locke and Camp Jack, who not only feud with each other, but with the new visitors to the island.

There is something to this theory. People tune in every week just to see who the mystery person is, be it Ben's spy, one of the Ocanic 6, the Captain. Just like we tuned in every week to see who was joining or getting kicked out of the nWo.

Next...WM 24 picks.

T-Shirt Design Contest

Based on unitqm's offer and another offer that was also received, and the fact that our total readership of three people are all for a t-shirt, let's open the floodgates for a t-shirt design contest.

Are we actually going to follow through on getting shirts made? Only if demand breaks the 10 person barrier.

Who chooses the best design? Once we get a minimum of 4 designs, we will post them on the site and make it the poll for the week.

Remember, this shirt has to stretch over Big's frame and match my Brown skin...it's the name of the blog for a reason, ass hats.

Here's the first offering, from my bad MS Paint skills and even worse design skills.

(Click on the image for a larger version)

I don't know if you can post pictures in the comments, so just email them to us and we'll put them in posts as they come along.

What did she say?

I know the song is bad, but just watch it with sound at least on.



Stolen from our buddy UnitQM.

New Feature!!!!

To provide our sexy readers with more happy fun good times, we're introducing a new toy to the website: The Weekly Poll.

Is it a cheap pop? Yes.

Will you still do it? Yes.

Do you love us? Yes.


Check it out on the sidebar, just above the links.

We love you.

Why did the Mavs lose last night?

The text messages flew between Big and I as soon as the final whistle sounded. What in the hell is going on with this team?

There are a lot of reasons this team lost the game last night:
-Bad play for 2.5 quarters
-No motivation
-Disappearance of Jason Kidd
-Bad call on Stackhouse
-Having Howard pass in the ball instead of a good passer
-Kidd's double pump three pointer attempting to draw the foul

All of those are good reasons, sure. But here's the real reason....

Guess who was sitting courtside???

I'm not saying, but I'm just saying...

I didn't see my friends die face down in the muck......

Man i was so ready for last night. The LA Lakers were in town, they didn't have the Gasol, the Mav's were playing great. Everything was shaping up for this team to draw a line in the sand, and say you do not cross. But much like the man who said this in the greatest movie of all time, The Big Lebowski, the Mavs were nothing but a fucking ass hole.

That's right, I have come to think of this team as this man.



Walter Sobchak.

The man that keeps fucking shit up.

I don't understand. This was a league game, Smokey. It wasn't Shomer Shabbos. The lakers were over the line, and yet we did nothing.



Where was the fight for the first 2 1/2 quarters? Where was the Intensity?

Dirk played out of his mind trying to will the team back in it with 35 and 11. JET got hot at points and finished with 19. But it seemed the Mav's brought their pomeranian bowling as Jason Kidd's line was 7 assists, 3 rebounds, and 1 effin point.



1 EFFIN POINT!?!?!

And your the guy who takes a double clutch 3 pointer? Nice.

Don't get me wrong the Kidd trade is still a good thing in my mind, unless he keeps playing like this.

As for the Lake show? Man that creep Kobe can roll.



too bad he's a petter ass. And by petter ass I mean a guy who like to rape chicks from Colorado.

He had 29 and 7 assists. Most in then first half when they blew up the Mav's.

The Mav's can still get on point with a win in their next 2, but right now they are playing way more like a scared little team with no heart than a championship team. In the grand scheme of things, this game means very little. For all we know, she kidnapped herself dude. If this team makes the playoffs and wins (first time I have ever said IF they make it), then its no big deal. But I'm telling you, the ringer can not look empty.



And right now it does. So as the Mav's keep fucking shit up, just like Walter, I'm going to sit here and finish my coffe. When I'm done, maybe I wont care so much that LA just pee'd on my rug.

Too many great things about this clip to name...

Hat tip: Fan House

You have to get through the first 20 seconds...apparently Pawl TV should get the hat tip here.

Let's try...

1) Greatest song ever made.
2) Mockery of the music video with a man I believe to be Jason Garrett
3) Mockery of women's basketball
4) Confused old people
5) Cheerleaders dancing as if this is totally normal
6) "Scientology Kills" sign

300 Jumps the Shark

This is Tom Izzo at, what I believe to be, a pep rally for the tournament...

Let me get this straight, Michigan State decided it was a good idea to dress their basketball team's head coach as King Leonidas from 300.

Wasn't Izzo a respected coach at one time? Honestly, I just don't see Roy Williams, Mike Krzyzewski, Rick Barnes, Billy Gillespie, John Calipari, or any other coach that has an ounce of respect doing stuff like this.

I blame Bruce Pearl.

Umm, tonights kinda huge

I don't know if i can take it.

I have been paceing for the past 2 weeks thinking about.

This thursday might be the biggest sprots day of our young year.

NCAA Tourney Starts. Mav's play the Celtics. I'm sure somewhere Jerry Jones is wheeling to make a big splash in the draft. And i'm sure Tatoo is still playing indoor soccer.

I don't know how I can take it all in.

I need a warm up.

What?

The NCAA tourney play in game is tonight?

Nice, but thats won't be enough

What?

Rockets and Celtics tonight too on TNT at 8:30? 22 games in a row is on the line?

Nice, but I still don't think that will prepair me for the Sports intensive thursday.

Really, They are?

The Mav's and Lakers play tonight? But we just saw Mamba drop 50 on us the other week. Its going down again. This time at home? Nice.

I think this will do. It will get my blood pumping basketball. This week is going to be Awsome.

Need help on your brackets?

Here's your ultimate guide to March Madness:

• Read a few posts on different sites so you know just enough about each team. Just say "I like Psycho-T" after each question about a player and you'll appear to have the basic grasp of things.
• Make a few daring picks like a 15 over a 2. If you're right, you can claim you're a genius. If you're wrong, just say "come on, did you really think I thought Tennessee would get upset? Whatever. "
• Make statements like "George Mason is totally setup to upset Notre Dame because they're a better team, but got a bad seed." People eat this shit up, and you look like you know what you're saying.
• Hate Duke, after all, that's the chic thing to do. Greg Paulus is the new J.J. Redick.
  
• Say "Bruce Pearl is a great coach who obviously cares about his team and his school" and make sure you ignore anyone who brings up the whole Illinois tenure...that didn't count.
  
• Mention to me that Texas set themselves up nicely by falling into the Houston region. Really, I need to know from other people what my team does because I've never paid attention to Texas sports.
  
• Mention to Big that mid-majors have no chance of ever succeeding. Seriously, he loves that shit, and might buy you a beer for your trouble.
• If anyone asks you what you think about teams that were left out of the tournament, just say "the NCAA hates the state of Virginia"....VCU totally deserved a chance to lose in the first round.
• Make sure you share your bracket with everyone. Don't wait for them to ask. It's like fantasy football, everyone is really interested in how your stuff looks and how things are going for you and your bracket.
  
• When Beasley gets "Kevin Durant-ed" out of the first round, be the first to make the comment: "It doesn't matter, he'll still be the first pick in the NBA!"
• Pick a random team, and claim you've followed them all season. Drake! Xavier! Brown's perennial, Gonzaga! St. Joe's! Come on, folks, bandwagons are filling up now!!!
• Look down on anyone when they question why the tournament names an "MOP" and not an "MVP"
• Tell anyone from California that Kevin Love isn't as good as Tyler Hansborough. Watch a live brain aneurysm take place as they argue the East Coast media bias.
  
• If anyone from Baylor speaks up, tell them Dave Bliss called and said "you're welcome"
  

If you really want some insight on what's happening, check out the boys at Thirty Five Seconds. These guys have paid attention to CBB all season, unlike anyone else you know who claim to have done the same thing.

Are they really going to help you pick your bracket? Probably not, but at least you can make some educated guesses.

Have fun on your brackets people. It's Spring Break, so your boss wasn't expecting you to get much work done anyway.

Side note: For those that are wondering why I haven't filled out my bracket in our ESPN challenge, it's because my computer won't load the bracket picker. Rest assured, I've already got it loaded on CBS Sportsline, so my picks are made.

This made my day

Via True Hoop via Dallas Basketball

Dirk loves him some Hitler humor!!

Yes, it’s just locker-room humor. It’s not Louis-Schmeling and all its societal gravitas. It’s not World War II. It’s just a highly-competitive race for the playoffs in the NBA’s Western Conference. But there is pressure. And inside the Mavs, there are tensions and conflicts and adversity. There are newcomers trying to mesh with holdovers. There are black and white people, pulling together, rooting for the same thing.


And in the middle of it, there is Dirk Nowitzki. Happy? Yes, so happy that he’ll allow himself to be the butt of Hitler jokes.

Could it be true? Could it really be true? The guys on the team actually make Hitler jokes at Dirk's expense? Oh please, oh please let this be true. If I read a story about Josh Howard beating Jason Kidd with a cookie and then making Toni Braxton jokes, this team can go ahead and miss the playoffs because I'm thrilled!!

Everybody is Irish Today

In the spirt of the Saint Patty's Day holiday, Here is the Lepricon story from Alabama. I'm sure you've seen this, but its green beer day, watch it again.



And of course the Rap Video

I ain't this ballsy

I love vodka. I've made no secret of the fact that I love vodka. I put the shit on my toast and eat it for breakfast.

However, this shit is unacceptable.

How are you gonna stick a rattlesnake in vodka and sell the shit??

The only acceptable excuse here is to say that this is another Texan attempt to smite the Mexican. "Sure, you put a worm in your tequila, now try a mother fucking rattlesnake in your vodka, Pedro!"

Bracket Time Baby!

For most readers of this site, I kinda know how you do it. You wake up in the morning, get ready for work, go to work, log on to a computer, remind yourself you can't look at porn because your at work, so you drag your happy ass to your other fav sites like ESPN or Deadspin. When you have read everything you can possibly read over there, and the boss still hasn't come in to check on your "work," then you might say, "Hey I wonder what the Big and the Brown are up to today?"

You come on over to the site, find that we a few new posts, you read them, all the while you are saying to yourself, "man these guys have no clue what they are talking about."

First off I must say we are not talking, but Typing(poorly), ass hat.

Second, here if your chance to do something about it. If you, the sexy reader, think you know about basketball than either me(probably) or my hetro-sexual life mate Brown, bring it on.

ESPN every year has a Bracket Challenge. All you need to do is sign up, when it brings you to the "Join a Group or create one" screen, you search The Big and The Brown. If you can't figger it out, hit us up with an email.

What do you get if you win? Well, the number 1 guy/girl who gets the most right at the end of the Tourney wins a free post to rub it in our faces. Thats right, you too can have nobody read your sports thoughts on our website! Or you can take the time to say how much we suck! Or even better yet, how thankfull you are that we let you read what we think!

Who knows, you could be the next Blogadore, Nayfa, or even the Next Kennith Noisewater!

Remember, the Group Name is the Big and the Brown, or send me your email at thebigandthebrown@yahoo.com and I will invite you. Enjoy Bitches!

Coming to a TV near you

Courtesy of Yahoo! Sports

Here's a video of all the Rangers television commercials you can expect to see on televisions across Dallas.

I'd like to note the running theme of "there's no crying in baseball" as the Texas Rangers' theme. Why in the fuck would they choose that as the motto? Does the front office not understand how bad the fans really have it?

I can guarantee tears over the Rangers. If not from sadness of defeat, then from laughter at the piss poor pitching.

Yay for alliteration, Brown, yay indeed.

ATTENTION, SEXY READERS!!!

If you are one to celebrate holidays, then around this time last month, you were spending your money buying your woman a gift or taking her out to a nice dinner.

Today, my friends, is your day.

Today is Steak and BJ Day!

(Use your common sense, that's obviously not a safe for work site.)

So, make sure your woman (or right hand) cooks you a steak tonight and polishes the chrome.

Between today and St. Patrick's day, it's the bitches that need to beware the ides of March.

Was that a Julius Caesar reference? You're god damned right it was.

I'd like to think we had a hand in this

Yesterday, I posted video of something that made me cringe when I watched it, Bruce Bowen stomping Chris Paul's genitalia.

Now, in a sweet, sweet turn of justice, the NBA is suspending Bowen.

Bruce Bowen of the San Antonio Spurs has been suspended one game without pay for striking Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets with his leg, it was announced today by Stu Jackson, NBA Executive Vice President, Basketball Operations.

The incident occurred following a foul call on Paul with 5:15 remaining in the third period of the Spurs' 100-75 loss to the Hornets on Wednesday, March 12 at New Orleans Arena. Bowen will serve his suspension tonight when the Spurs visit the Detroit Pistons at The Palace of Auburn Hills.

Did you know Bruce Bowen had the longest active streak of consecutive games in the NBA? You didn't? Oh wait, it doesn't matter because that ends tonight.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

How long until Jon Daniels trades Eric Hurley and Josh Hamilton for Billy Crystal and Daniel Stern?

Time Waste

Looking for something thats you can kill an hour or 7 of your day. This is a blog of "Unnecessary" quotation "marks".

Such as.....



Enjoy.

Hat Tip to my boy Unit QM. Good looking out.

No, really, Bowen's the best defender

What really confuses me is Chris Paul got called for the offensive foul here.

Yeah, that was a blatant attempt to stomp Chris Paul's manly bits, but make sure you don't call Bowen a dirty player, lest the entire city of little Mexico come down on you. Ass holes.

I also really like how Bowen has worked with Duncan on the "raise your hands and looked shocked that anyone would dare assume you did something wrong." Between those two and the Oscars that Parker and Ginobili should receive, I'm shocked Pop hasn't opened an acting school.

A Coin flip?

As maybe the only person who dug the whole Kidd to Dallas trade, it still shockes me when I read people who agree with me. This is from an interview with David Thorpe vie a chat on ESPN.

Ryan Mckinney: Do you think the Mavs got a chance to go all the way? They have a winning record against the Spurs, Rockets, Suns and Hornets over past 5 years and Jason Kidd is doing great.

David Thorpe: I do. Almost a coin flip, as I see it, with LA.

This from a chat yesterday.

While the Mav's have gotten themselves on a nice little run against bad teams, including whooping up on the Bobcats last night, 118-93, They are still only 7-5 with Kidd, and in 7th place in the west. Can they win a title? Sure, are they a top 2 team as Thorpe calls them? Not yet. We will find out next tue, thurs and sunday, when they play LA, Boston, and the hated Spurs, respectively. They must win 2 of those games to be considered a top gun.



Talk to me Goose.

Sex me Mutumbo

Incase you havn't seen this, its greatness.

First Felix Pie's nuts, now this???

From LOL Jocks via FanHouse



Kaz Matsui (ignore the picture, as he's with the Astros now) is taking a bit of a rest from playing over the next four or five days because of anal fissures. What's that you say?

Well...

An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation. [...] Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Various causes of this fissure include:

• Straining to defecate, especially if the stool is hard and dry
• Severe and chronic constipation
• Severe and chronic diarrhea
• Crohn's disease and Ulcerative colitis
• Tight sphincter muscles
• Anal Intercourse

Good. God. In. Heaven.

Go west young man, and you find Trouble!!

Last week, durring the Artic Blast 08, we saw what was was the low point so far in Mavericks basketball, with a crazy whoopin' that the streaking Houston Rockets put on the Mavs. After a couple of games against New Jersey and New York, its time to start the West Confrence Watching, to see how it will all turn out in the end. Here is the shake down as of right now, with about 18 games left.


Team Games Back
1. LA Lakers --
2. San Antonio 0.5
3. Houston 1.5
4. Utah 3.5
5. New Orleans 2.0
6. Phoenix 3.0
7. Dallas 4.0
8. Golden State5.0
9. Denver 7.5
10. Portland 11.5
11. Sacramento 16.5
12. LA Clippers 23.0
13. Seattle 29.0
14. Memphis 29.5
15. Minnesota 30.5

Here are some thoughts.

-LA isn't wont be as good in a 7 game playoff than they are right now. Unless of course Bynum can come back.

-Houston will cool off, but unlike I thought 2 weeks ago, they will make the playoffs, but will probably still be beaten in the first round.

-Devner is the only team that can sneek past one of the last few teams. Portland and Sactown are both almost completly out of it.

-Dallas and Phoenix both better get better as the season hits its final run, or the world will explode.

-Seattle, Memphis, and Minnesota are all playing the "Mike Beasley" game right now. Well, Minnesota might be playing the Derrik Rose game.

Welp, at least he didn't go all crazy

A bit of sad news, and bit of good news(kinda). One of the top WWE stars Jeff Hardy has been suspended for 60 days by his empoyler for his second positive test for drugs.



He was getting a big "push" from the company, and could have held the strap at some point this year. I'm bummed to see him go. He was intertaining. For more info, check out Ring Posts

In a little bit better news, Jake the Snake Roberts is out of Rehab! It was his 3rd go, hope its the last.



BTW- If Snake was on the Rehab show with Dr. Drew, I would have watched it.

BTW2 - He kinda looks like Sam Elliot right? You know the guy from Tombstone? He is the voice of the Whataburger? Go fuck yourself.

Great read for your late lunch

If you can spare yourself like 5 minutes, take the time to read this post on UweBlogSports.

My personal favorite part of this post is the comparison of Brad Davis to Bill Bates and Rusty Greer.

Really, there is no better way to describe the mustachioed one, and I am unbelievably jealous that I couldn't think of that.

Wait, greatest Maverick ever?

Everyone needs to slam on the breaks when saying that Dirk is the best Maverick of all time.

I think you've all forgotten a certain Lafayette "Fat" Lever.

Suck it hard, bitches.







Jesus, why is this even a debate? Of course Dirk is the best Maverick player of all time.

The woes of being a Ranger fan

I've made no secret of the fact that being a Ranger fan is the equivalent of going to a strip club. You get really really excited before you go because you think you're going to see something really great. Then when you get there, it's hard to see too much due to obstruction and you're surrounded by buddies so you don't want to do or say anything stupid. When you finally do get around to seeing the good stuff, you're already drunk and you realize that the stripper only has half an arm. You convince yourself she's still hot, so you keep buying dances from her eventually copping a feel on her tits, or what you think is a tit but turns out to be her nub, and getting thrown out of the club. All you're left with at the end of the night is no money, a hang over, a deep seeded feelings of shame for what you've done.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the Rangers.

The Rangers have always had a problem with pitching. It's a gimme. It's like traffic at 5 pm on the highway. You know it's there. Everyone else knows it's there. HOwever, we bitch about it none-the-less (and get in wrecks, like yours truly yesterday).

However, this year might turn out to be the worst pitching staff ever cobbled together from the scrap heap.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Starters

The "Ace" - Kevin Millwood
10 - 14 season last year, ended in injury, ERA in the 5's. Still injured. Hasn't thrown a pitch to a batter yet. Plans on being the opening day starter. *Cough*Ryan Dreese*Cough*

"SuperCrazy" - Vicente Padilla
6 - 10 season last year. ERA in the 5's. Batshit crazy.

"Free Agent" - Jason Jennings
2 - 9 season las year in the NL. ERA in the 4's. Hasn't been relevant since 2004.

"Young Gun" - Brandon McCarthy
5 - 10 season last year. ERA in the 4's. Injured and out for 6 weeks already.

"Anyone?" - ????? Kason Gabbard or Sidney Ponson, I guess
Spot open, if anyone wants it.

Closer:
"Maybe" - C.J. Wilson
Showed promise at the end of last year. Injured already.

The Best of the Rest:
Joaquin Benoit? Frank Fransisco? Wes Littleton? Jamey Wright? Eric Hurley?
Do those names do much for anyone?

Look, I don't claim to be that knowledgeable of who's coming up in the ranks and who is doing really well at spring training. Check UweBlogSports or the Newberg Report for that. All I'm saying is that not only does this staff make me want to ram my head into a wall, there is no one that appears to be coming up! The Rangers defied technology and decided that DVD wasn't their future. I can only guess we've got enough guys to create the word "LASERDISC" somewhere in Frisco.

I agree that I could use some baseball, but at this point, I'm wondering if it's worth it.

Tomorrow, Shawn Marion plays for two teams at one time

Tomorrow night, the Hawks and the Heat are going to replay 51 seconds that were botched in a game before Christmas.

What bothers everyone (including me) is that both of these teams are COMPLETELY different.

Let's see, a large fellow was traded to Phoenix for an all star. A bunch of guys were traded to Sacramento for a veteran point guard. A few guys are in the D-league now. A coach has quit on his team to become a scout...pretty much a flip from the last time.

The argument has been made that it's really a question of two entities playing each other, and it isn't the players. That's retarded. The NBA is NOT a league based on the name on the front of the jersey, it's based on the name on the back. James, Bryant, Howard, Nowitski, Duncan, Garnett, etc. Those are the entities you are associated with.

Anyway, the Heat were, indeed, fucked on a scorekeeper's error and now they are getting another crack at it.

My question here is, doesn't this set a bad precedent?

How many people are going to claim they were screwed by a time clock, shot clock, a scorekeeper, this, that or the other? Can't they just point to this game and say "you let them replay it, why not us"?

For a league that Stern and Jackson want to run on objective thought and rule, this seems to be about as arbitrary and subjective an application of rules as it gets.

As for the Shawn Marion thing? He already played a game on December 19th for the Suns, and that's in the stat book. Now he's going to play in a game for a different team that will go on the stat book for December 19th. Physics be damned, he really is "the Matrix"

A voice from Germany's past requests victory

Franz Beckenbauer spoke up and has requested (as much as any German can request something) Germany to end its poor performances as of late, and to shock the world in the Euro 2008 championship this summer.

Beckenbauer is a legend in German soccer, having won the World Cup as a player in the 70's and again as a coach in the 90's on the foot of Jurgen Klinsman. (He's also famous for playing along side Pele in the long forgotten New York Cosmos, but that doesn't really apply.)

Keep in mind this is a VERY young German team that reached the semis of the World Cup 2 years ago, and has pretty much coasted into the Euro qualifiers. Here's the kicker. They've WON the past few friendlies that they've played, but according to Beckenbrauer, they played sloppy and uninspired soccer and he's calling bull shit.

How does this affect anyone who reads this blog? Think about it.

If one of Dallas's local sports teams is far outperforming what's expected from a very young team, and they've gone on to damn near coast to everything they've played and consistently win games by a decisive margin...would you hear anyone get pissed off?

You might argue that people were saying that about the Cowboys. However, phrases like "Don't worry, they're just reserving themselves for the playoffs" or "A win is a win, no matter how ugly, right?" pretty much say that people accept sloppy play regardless of what it might mean for the future.

The point here is, no matter how good your team is playing, no matter how much they are out performing what you'd expect from them, if they play listlessly, carelessly, or without fire, they can never break through to win.

Perhaps the coaches, supporters and players/leaders should take note of this and realize what it take to get out of the first round of a playoff run...or in the case of the Rangers, get through April and still have fan support.

Javol Mein Furher!

So the Mavs are on a little bit of a slide. Thats cool. I get it. But over the weekend the Mavs saw some old faces, and saw a Big German become their all time leading scorer.



Thats my wunderkind.

As for the game, Dallas smoked the Nets 111-91 in a contest that wasn't ever really close. Dirk had 34, Stack 20, and Kidd threw in his 13 dimes. Surprising play of the night? Brandon Bass had a season high 19 pts off the bench.

We got to see our former players Devin Harris(9 pts 2 assists), and Diop(1 pt 5 boards) struggle, so that was kinda nice for the whole Kidd trade flavor.

But the story of the night was Dirk. He passed Ro Blackman with his last 2 points in the 4th quarter, to become Mr. Dallas Maverick.

Wow...three names I never thought would go together

Apparently, I share a thought with Steve Kerr and Bill Simmons...the Spurs and the Sonics have some serious collusion going on, and Dave Stern ain't doing shit about it.

Steve Kerr:

"I think maybe there was something behind the scenes there," Suns GM Steve Kerr told Sports 620 KTAR.

...

"If I'm Seattle, I'm not going to let Barry go, I'm going to let Donyell Marshall go," Kerr said.

...

"(Seattle GM) Sam Presti used to be in San Antonio as an assistant," Kerr said. "Who knows? I don't have any proof of that and I'm not about to look into that."

Bill Simmons:

"In my post-trade-deadline blog, I wondered why Otis Smith didn't trump San Antonio's offer for Kurt Thomas. Well, Florida Today reported Seattle demanded first-rounders in 2008 and 2010 from Orlando, then settled for a 2008 first-rounder from San Antonio that will be a worse pick than the pick Orlando was offering. Um, how is that not collusion? Sam Presti worked for the Spurs; now he's giving them a discount price for Thomas? Throw in Brent Barry's curious decision to spurn Phoenix for the Spurs, as well as Steve Kerr's frustrated comments afterward, and this is like one of those shady incidents that happens in a fantasy league. I thought Presti stopped working for the Spurs?"

Me:

"Don't think that Mark Cuban is going to sit still when Barry goes back to the Spurs. Remember how the league was going to step in and say "Hey, Jerry Stackhouse, you can't do that?" Well, now the Spurs are going to pull the same shit about it with Barry. If Cuban doesn't purposely overpay Barry as a confusing "fuck you", then he's certainly going to piss and moan when Barry goes back to San Antonio."

Yeah, I wasn't right about Cuban getting too mad. However, I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who thinks some seriously fucked up shit is going on down in Lil' Mexico.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

Keep talking, McCarver, Joe Buck is showing the world "Blue Steel"

I had no idea we were so popular among English majors

Given the frequency of these comments from readers, those we know and those we don't, I'm shocked at the amount of English majors and/or English teachers read this blog.

We all know that Big is semi-retarded when it comes to spelling. We all know that grammar and punctuation haven't been strong points in either of our writing since maybe the 9th grade.

That being said, don't waste my fucking time by pointing out words that have been misspelled or incorrect usage of punctuation in posts. You try dragging Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes!

I love you.

We bow to our Rocket overlords

Well, shit, that sure sucked.

You know what? I'm tired of this crap. Look, I've been a Mavericks fan since the days of the 14 win seasons, so I'm not complaining too much. However, I'm really getting tired of finding myself saying the same god damned thing over and over again about this team:

-Need more interior presence.
-Stop the perimeter shooting game.
-Get nasty.

Even then, I'm okay with things because those are the kinds of players we have. When Jerry Stackhouse is your best "drive to the hoop" guy, you gotta expect this shit.

What is really a thorn in my side these days is Avery Johnson, the Overcoacher. I'm an Avery fan. I think he is the kind of coach this team needs, in that he's a task master and he's, supposedly, a czar who forces his team to do what he asks. At least that is what I thought he was supposed to do.

How in the fuck does the COACH OF THE TEAM complain that his team spends too much time on the perimeter and doesn't have any interior presences. I don't want the coach to say "geez, I'm pretty sure I could have driven the lane tonight." YOU'RE THE FUCKING COACH! YOU NEED TO TAKE YOUR MIDGET-LIKE, NEW ORLEANS CAJUN ACCENT AND TELL THESE PEOPLE HOW TO PLAY BASKETBALL!

That being said, Grunge Dave over at Dream Shake said it best, the Mavericks are playing against the Suns to see who can choke themselves out of the playoffs. Note how both of these teams made "big moves" to match the Lakers and Spurs this year. I've still got faith the Mavericks can sneak in, but god damn it, play some fucking basketball people.

Time to Eat some crow

As you can tell by the pic above, The Dallas Mavericks lost to the Houston Rockets last night 113-98 at home.

We had a little side bet with the boys over at The Dream Shake, a Rockets blog; Whose ever team wins get to pick the Image and get a few lines in the others morning blog, so they choice the Tony Braxton Kidd above, and this.

"Jason Terry and the Mavs were no competition for the streaking Houston Rockets. The Overcoacher had no answers for Tracy McGrady or "Luis Landry" and even let Rafer Alston be the hero of the game. You know you suck when Rafer gets his season high against you in a 15 point victory. Meanwhile, Dirk Nowitzki was likely enjoying his one-game reprieve by taking Ms. Toni Braxton out for a nice seafood dinner... and then never calling her again. Just to stick it to Jason Kidd. Show him who's still the boss. The Mavericks are now fighting with the Phoenix Suns to see who can choke their way out of the playoff race faster."

That from Grunge Dave at the Shake. I got one other email last night from him simply saying "pwn3d, bitches." (they requested the text to be "Rockets Red," So if its a red rocket you want, let me holla at my buddy's dog Vegas. He's always sporting one. )

yup.

It pains me to see that Kidd had a line of 7 6 and 6 in such a big game because I'm still on board with the Kidd trade. The thing that I'm not on board with right now is the play of our other "stars." I knew that having Dirk out would be a hard pill to swallow, but I thought "Hey, we have 2 former all stars, Josh Howard, and Jerry Stackhouse, and a score from any where threat, Jason Terry, we will be alright."

Boy was I wrong. Terry had 17, all in the first half, Stack had a measly 11 off the bench and while Howard had 21, his main job was to stay in front of T-Mac last night, and well not so much buddy. His 31 points said we didn't have ANYBODY that can d up on that guy.

The "Luis Landy," as the Shake people call the combo of Luis Scola and Carl Landy, was painstakingly great last night with 29 points and 11 rebs between them.

And then good ol' Skip to my Lou Alston had a season high 24.

It pretty much just sucked all around last night. At least the bet made it fun/agonizing to watch. I hope we can do the same kinda bets with these boys over the rest of the season.

A Must Win Game...in March?

A Mavericks - Rockets Breakdown

Center
Mavericks: Erick Dampier
Rockets: Dikembe Mutombo

Brown's take: If the Damp that has played in games prior to Utah shows up, then this is going to be a fun matchup to watch. Mutombo has been playing out of his big African mind, and I expect that if Damp nuts up tonight, you'll see some banging in the post. Mutombo has been playing very well in Yao's absence and over the streak. If Yao was healthy, no friggin' contest.

Edge: Mavericks

Power Forward
Mavericks: Brandon Bass (I guess)
Rockets: Luis Scola

Brown's take: I happen to like Brandon Bass, and I think he does well in a reserve roll either at the 4 or the 5. Do I think he's going to make noise as a starter? Not so much. And who's going to play behind him when the Rockets bring in the surprising, Carl Landry. Scola's averages about 15 and 7 in the past few games, which is serviceable as a role player. If Dirk were playing, no friggin' contest.

Edge: Rockets

Small Forward
Mavericks: Josh Howard
Rockets: Shane Battier

Brown's take: Doesn't this really depend on which Josh Howard shows up tonight? If it's the poor shooting, lump of crap, that we've seen the past few games, then Battier has this wrapped up. If J-Ho pulls his head out of his ass, then maybe he'll remind everyone why he's part of the trio that is this team. Battier is exactly what the Rockets need him to be, steady and consistent force. Battier is a glue guy, and you can't really underestimate that.

Edge: Mavericks (I'm betting on J-Ho to find himself...God I hope so.)

Small Guard
Mavericks: Jason Terry
Rockets: Tracy McGrady

Brown's take: I'm a homer, but I'm not that much of a homer.

Edge: Rockets

Point Guard
Mavericks: Jason Kidd
Rockets: Rafer Alston

Brown's take: The aging veteran against the And-1 tour. I happen to like Rafer Alston, but I don't think he's quite on par with what Jason Kidd brings to the table at the 1.

Edge: Mavericks

Bench
Mavericks: Jerry Stackhouse, Eddie Jones, Devean George, Malik Allen (TB&TB Favorite), Jamaal Magloire
Rockets: Carl Landry, Bobby Jackson, Luther Head, Gerald Green, Steve Novak

Brown's take: I think the Rockets have a stronger bench presence. They've adjusted to Yao being gone, and they've made the necessary changes to the rotation. The Mavericks are without their guy, and now they are depending on an steaky bench to bring this home.

Edge: Rockets

Coach
Mavericks: Avery Johnson
Rockets: Rick Adelman

Brown's take: Boy, ask me a year ago, and I'd have said that Avery is your guy left, right, up and down. Now a days, the "overcoacher" seems to make the wrong decision every which way he turns. Adelman on the other hand has his guys playing as a team and getting hot at the right time in the West right now. He's adjusted for the loss of his anchor, and has his engine humming.
Edge: Rockets

Miscellaneous

Brown's take: The Mavericks have matched up very well against the Rockets, and they are playing at home. Dallas has proved that at the AAC, they are much more of a force to be reckoned with. The fans are going to be bumping because they know that Dallas needs support with Dirk out. I'd love to say that Houston is "due" for a loss, but I'm not one to believe in those kinds of things. I just think that given the circumstances, the Mavericks know how much of a "must win" this really is, and that gives them an edge that really can't be discounted.

Brown's Final Take: Mavericks in OT.

CHAA-LOUNG

As we all know, tonight the Mav's and the Rocketes play at the AAC. Dallas has no Dirk, Rockets no YAO. So a challenge has been laid down.



Our Buddys over the Dream Shake, a H-Town Blog, have put a little something something on the game. Which ever team wins tonight, The Blog from the team who wins gets the pick the Image, and a little part of the recap for the other site.

Its time to put up or shut up Mav's, don't make us look like Douches.

Just Like Joey, Whoa

Now THATS an ass!!



Kinda Gross, Kinda Hot. I love me some Kim K.

HT=Big Lead

Teenagers are the bane of society

Read this story from Phoenix...

Teen Killed Dad for Banning MySpace

Shocking, huh?

I'm really not sure what bothers me most about this story.

-Is it the obvious notion of a child killing their parent because of restricted access to MySpace?

-Is it the fact that said child was, indeed, considering suicidal thoughts and this was some kind of subconscious acting out of those against others?

-Is it the fact that the parent left a shotgun and ammunition sitting on a counter in the garage?

-Is it the hard to believe fact that this kid has female friends and she, of all people, was able to "talk him out of it"?

-Or the line: "Me and my dad would go squirrel hunting. Apparently he trusts me with a rifle"

I just don't get it. When I was 15, I got upset over things like not being able to acurately determine if it was a boob or an elbow on squiggly porn. How in the hell does one get so upset over something as trivially retarded as MySpace to kill their parents?

Really, it's times like these I wish some parents took the Chris Benoit approach to parenting.

Kyle Korver and Brown have the same defensive style

Hattip: Lion In Oil

ESPN has a story worth reading

Every now and then, ESPN will have a really great article. Today's was on Page 2. It details how the Wharton Business School at UPenn has a deal with the NFL to hold a conference, essentially, that details the smartest ways for NFL players to invest and maintain their millions of dollars.

I've often thought of what kind of a mind fuck it must be to recieve 10's of million of dollars in one check when I was 21 or 22. I'd have probably blown it on strippers and sour punch straws.

Think about guys like Mike Vick who sunk his money into the best rape stands money could buy. Or Pacman who spent his money making it rain on strippers. Or Tony Mandarich who, well, no one knows what the hell he's doing. I'm sure there are more stories of former NFL players who are back to working the loading docks at Home Depot because they blew through their cash.

For all the flack the NFL and NFLPA cathes (and rightfully so) for not taking care of the older players, this is a genuinely good thing that they offer.

Why are people surprised?

The Oakland Raiders have pretty much made every stupid move in the book when it comes to stocking their franchise with overpaid and overrated free agents.

My question is, why is anyone surprised?

This is who runs the organization:

The King is Dead. Long Live the King.

Two quick points

1) The Favre era is over.
He's retiring. I hope someone has John Madden and Peter King on suicide watch. Aaron Rodgers? Craig Nall? Paul Thompson? Draft Pick A? Who's the guy that's going to be put in the next Brian Griese/Jake Plummer/Jay Cutler type fiasco of trying to replace a legend and fan icon?


2) You won't like Dirk when he's angry
Sure, the Mavericks lost last night, and badly to the Utah Jazz. Did anyone else kind of feel taken aback that Dirk went all Kermit Washington on Andrei Kirilenko? Better yet, does anyone think he screamed "HITLER WAS BETTER THAN STALIN!" when he did it? I hope he did. I'm probably one of the few who thinks Dirk should stare down David Stern and Mark Cuban as much as possible. I bet Big was proud of him.

Can anything not be graphed?

If you didn't know this, both Big and myself have a very odd obsession with a certain British, white singer who everyone thought was a black man. It's often this song will come on a jukebox at a bar and you'll see two sports bloggers scream it at the top of their lungs...

Whoever did this, god bless you.

I'll never write this again.

Ok, this may be the only time I ever write these words, so at least it'll be stored for posterity. Big was right. After 7 games and getting the chance to not only watch him in television and in person, the Jason Kidd deal had to get done, and it's going to be a positive.

Will the Mavericks win a title? Probably not, at least not in this year's Western conference. Are they a better team then they were 3 weeks ago? Yes.

I'll be totally honest, I haven't paid much attention to Kidd since the Nets were the finals a while back. Sure, I always knew he was a great basketball player and that he was one of the last remaining pure point guards, but getting to actually watch the guy play reminds you just how good he is and how much he really can change a team.

You've got guys like Dampier who are directly benefiting from having a guy find them right under the rim where they can't miss a shot. You've got guys like Dirk, Howard, Stackhouse and Terry that are benefiting by no longer having to create their own shots. Shit, I'll even say that J.J. Barea, the great Mexican hope, is benefiting by learning to play the game under Kidd.

Again, as much a Mavs fan as I am, I don't think they've got what it takes to win the West THIS YEAR. However, I think a trio of Dirk, Kidd and Howard is much more potent and much more successful then a trio of Dirk, Howard and Harris.

Bracket Big

Tonight we have another slate of College Basketball games that are worth checking out. We are inching closer and closer to the greatness that is the NCAA tourney, and these four teams are going to be pretty big players, including, insert a big smile from my Catholic ass, Notre Dame.

Game one

6:00 PM No. 17 Notre Dame at No. 18 Louisville ESPN

@
Notre Dame is 21-5, 11-3 in the Big East, and kind of a surprise this season. They were thought to be bubble team at the start of the year, but have played their way into a top 4 seed over the past months. Wins over Pitt, MARQ, and KSU give them some validity, but they still need to prove they can hang with the big boys. A win over Louisville tonight could help. The Irish are led by Sophomore Luke Harangody, a 6-8 forward who nets 20 pts and 10 rebs a game.

Louisville is 2nd in the Big East at 12-3, 22-6 overall, half a game back from Georgtown, who they play next Saturday. They come into tonight's game winning 7 straight. They have 4 players averaging over 10 points a game;Terrence Williams David Padgett Jerry Smith and Earl Clark. The Cardinals are coming off a nice win over Pitt where they shot the ball at a 58% rate, and chipped in 6-14 threes and 32 bench points.

Match up to watch.

Terrence Williams f Louisville vs Rob Kurz F ND.

Kurz has been in double figures in each of the last 3 games from the Irish, but its his D that will have to be good to keep Williams off his 12 point, 8 rebounds, and 4 assists a game average.

Game 2

8:00 PM No. 15 Michigan State at No. 9 Wisconsin ESPN2

@
There are 4 teams that matter in the Big Ten, and these are 2 of them. Michigan State is 2 and half games back from the 3 way tie atop the Big Ten standings at 10-4, 22-5 overall. Ahead of them are Indiana, Purdue, and the team they play tonight, Wisconsin. Where these four teams will be seeded in the dance will mostly depend on the conference tourney, but a MSU really needs a win tonight to get some momentum back after going 3-3 in there last 6. Raymar Morgan is their leading points guy, but this team goes how its senior guard Drew Neitzel goes. In the 4 Big Ten losses, only the Indiana blowout did he score over 10 points.

With a win tonight, Wisconsin is 2 winnable games(Penn St, @Northwestern) away from at least a share of the regular season Big Ten championship. Their 12-2 record is tied for tops of the Bin Ten, with Indiana and Purdue. This teams only losses so far this year are to Duke, Marquette, and twice to Purdue, and they have beaten the likes of Texas, and Indiana, twice. Sometimes they look good, sometimes they look like their record is misleading. The three headed monster of Brian Butch, Trevon Hughes, and Marcus Landry lead the team in points with over 10 a piece.

Matchup to watch. Drew Neitzel MSU vs. Trevon Hughes Wisc.

Hughes is a small guard just like Neitzel, and it will be his responsibility to stay in front and disrupt the streaky Neitzel.

Dallas Cowboy Rumors

Asante Samuel for $10 a year.
Here's a solid, pro bowl corner who doesn't want to be in New England anymore and has a vendetta against the Giants now. Why does he have a vendetta? TWo reasons: he dropped the pick that could have ended the Super Bowl and Phil Simms continues to call him "Asante Samuels". Sure it's steep on the price, but if Nate Clements is going to sign for the same money, you gotta pay to get this guy.

Do the Cowboys need him? Yes, I think they do. If Anthony Henry has said he's willing to play safety, that would reduce the Roy Williams fiasco. That gives you Newman and Samuel on the corners with Reeves, Jones or a player to be drafted in the nickel.

Brown's take: Sure, I'd do it.

DeAngelo Hall for a first round pick.
Big thinks he's the best corner in the game right now. I think Champ Bailey might have a solid argument there. Plus, Hall is bat shit crazy. However, who's sane in Atlanta? Brian Finneran? I knew you'd think it was a white guy. Honky lover. I like Hall, and if they couldn't do the Samuel deal, I'd sacrifice a pick, but not both for him.

Do the Cowboys need him? Yes, see the reason for Samuel above.

Brown's take: I'd prefer Samuel, but I don't have a problem with Hall.

Randy Moss for a shit ton of money.
Best receiver in the game? Maybe, when he wants to. Willing to do whatever it takes to win? Maybe, when he wants to. Able to mix well with the personalities that already exist in the Cowboy locker room, mostly a certain wide receiver that we'll call T. Owens. Wait, that's too obvious, let's say Terrell O.

Do the Cowboys need him? They need a deep threat receiver for sure. Having one of the best ever would be nice, but Owens is enough ego for Romo to cater to already. Big makes a good point. Having to put up with Owens, Moss, Jessica Simpson's family and Bobby Carpenter might be one too many.

Brown's take: I wouldn't do this unless the Cowboys are looking to dump Owens, and why do that?

Rights to draft Darren McFadden for Marion Barber and both first rounders.
I don't know how the Jesus this still has traction. Look, I know McFadden is a sexy and chic pick. (It must be his uber-potent sperm.) But there is no way you package both first rounders AND a proven commodity like Barber for an unknown because you THINK he might be Adrian Peterson. Take it from any Rangers fan, you never trade a known commodity for unproven prospects unless you want to show your fans you are in a rebuilding year.

Do the Cowboys need him? No. They do need a complimentary back for Barber, but with this year's draft so stockpiled with running backs, it makes more sense to go with a Felix Jones, Jonahtan Stewart or even Ray Rice instead and make Barber the feature back.

Brown's take: Not no, but hell no.

Letting Flozell Adams walk.
Norm made a salient point as to why this could work. They didn't franchise him because they have some depth behind him, hence the reason for franchising Hamlin. They can, legitimately, let Adams go if someone makes a Larry Allen-esque offer to him. Adams is a productive tackle, and he's been here forever, so he should be re-signed. However, McQuistan and the other guy can fill in, or one of those first rounders could be used in his spot and that can be "covered" by the rest of the line.

Do the Cowboys need him? I say yes. You're only as good as your line, and he may be old, but Adams is one of the best.

Brown's take: Don't let him walk.

Mavs are not done dealing

Oh really? Here's what I'm hearing:

Sam Cassell

Why? Are we trying to dredge up painful memories of Mavs point guard past? Look, Cassell is a good point guard, but didn't we just do this to get Kidd? Is Cassell really going to be okay being a back up point guard? He's not. Cassell will be in Boston to join that troika of gents.

Jamaal Magloire

Let's see. Played with Kidd in Jersey. A Center that would add depth behind Damp and Bass now that Diop is gone. Pulling down about 4 boards a game. Eh, I guess I'm okay with getting 6 more fouls to give around playoff time. What else do they want from us?

Brent Barry

Don't think that Mark Cuban is going to sit still when Barry goes back to the Spurs. Remember how the league was going to step in and say "Hey, Jerry Stackhouse, you can't do that?" Well, now the Spurs are going to pull the same shit about it with Barry. If Cuban doesn't purposely overpay Barry as a confusing "fuck you", then he's certainly going to piss and moan when Barry goes back to San Antonio.

Yup, that's about right

HT: The FanHouse

A poem about the Texas Rangers

Another year in Arlington, another new idea
A youth movement with Saltalamacchia
But are he, Blalock, Kinsler and Young
Enough to overcome
A pitching staff bought at Ikea

Update: Millwood is not pitching. McCarthy is not pitching. Both are hurt. Could it happen that BEFORE MAY Rangers fans might just give up on the season?

Me Chinese, me play joke

Me not play anymore. ESPN says Yao is done for the year.


Hit up mav fav Rockets blog for some insite as how the boys down south are feeling and what they will do next. The Dream Shake

insert your own "made in china" joke here.

god damn mongolians

Introducing, Bracket Big!

We here at the big and the brown have many faces, many "talents," and many loves. Bloging has become a hobby to the both of us. We don't do it for money, or fame, but just to entertain, and talk sports and the like.

College basketball is like picking up a girl at a party. Its fun, its exciting, you never know what your going to get, yet you know it probably won't last very long. I have watched about 3 college basketball games so far this season. That's it, just 3. I'm no expert, I read the websits, follows who's hot, watch the highlights, but that's about it.



I do, like most sports fan's, love march madness however. I will glue myself in front of the TV for 4 straight days the first 2 rounds of the tourney. I will make claims like "i think that 12 seed has a chance," and "the nba is drooling over this guy right now."

As an attempt to get everybody ready for the big dance, I will periodical let you know about some good games, good teams, and players to watch on a given night, so you can too can look smarter than you are when talking brackets with your buddies at work. Enjoy.

Tonight, we have 3 teams, maybe 4 that will be big players come march. So watch ESPN tonight, or at least read the box score in the morning.

Game 1. 6:00. Ohio State at No. 12 Indiana ESPN.
vs
We have all heard about that dumb ass Kelvin Sampson, but if the N C double Ass Holes let the Hoosiers play in the dance, then they are a great 3-5 seed that could take it too the house. They are led by Freshmen guard Eric Gordon, who draft "experts" have going in the top 10 next year if he comes out. 21.5 points per game from the off guard in college is crazy. He's a bit small at 6-4, and tends to get swallowed up by bigger guys, but if he gets hot this team can roll anybody.

When Gordon isn't there, Senor forward D.J. White is. 17 points and over 10 rebounds a game from the 6-9 forward give Indiana a great inside outside game, that is vital for a long march run.

Ohio State on the other hand, is 17-10, 8-6 in the Big Ten and squarly on the bubble. Losing 4 out of there last 6 may have them on the outside looking in. Counting tonight they have 4 games left need to win at least 3 to have a chance before the conference tourney.

What to watch: Kosta Koufos F/C OSU vs. D.J. White F Ind. If the freshmen Koufos can keep White off the boards, OSU has a chance.

Game 2. 8:00 PM ESPN No. 1 Tennessee at No. 14 Vanderbilt
vs.
This game will be a great one to find out how good Tennessee really is. They beat Memphis 3 days ago to take the number 1 spot, and now they have in state rival Vanderbilt on the road.

Vandy is looking at somewhere between a 3-5 slot in the tourney, with a shot at the 2 slot if they win out. Vandy only has 4 "l's" to go with their 23 wins, but all were in conference, 3 of them were blow outs, and all on the road, including getting beat by Tenn by 20 earlier in the year. Shan Foster, Sr, G/F is the primary scorer for the Commodores at 19 a clip. The team goes pretty much how he goes, in their 3 blowout losses he has 14, 7, and 14 points.

Tennessee is 25-2, with the 2 losses coming from Kentucky, and a blowout early season loss to Texas. This team can play any style of play, as proved last Saturday when they beat previously unbeaten Memphis 66-62. There were times in that game that Tennessee had to run with Memphis and time when they slowed it down to control the clock. They are led by the three headed monster of Guard Chris Lofton, Guard JaJuan Smith, and Forward Tyler Smith. They all average over 13 points a game, the two guards a Senors, and Tyler Smith is a soph.

Match up to watch. A.J. Ogilvy Freshman, Vandy vs. Wayne Chism Soph. Tenn.

Chism went for 18 points and 18 rebounds last time these guys met, out playing the bigger Australian true Center.

Watch these games, tell me what you think. So far I'm not sure that Tenn is capable of going all the way, even after the Memphis win, but let me know.

Cowboy's are the anti Rangers

Its no surprise around these here parts that when the off season starts for our Dallas teams, we can expect 2 things; The Rangers will do go after the big names that they need to get to make their fans happy, offer them a massively underpaid contract, and get beat out by another team, and the Cowboys will to the opposite. The Rangers can then say "well fans, we tried to get him, he just didn't want to come here. Maybe if we can sell out some more games, we can get some good free agents." While the Cowboys seam to have the thought that "Well if he makes our team better, we have the money, lets do the damn thing."

I don't blog about people the Rangers "want" but wont get, but I will bring you these NFL notes about the Cowboys, that honestly might turn out to be true.

The first few are from FOX Sports, John Czarnecki.

The Patriots and Randy Moss really aren't close to a new contract, although the Pats believe Moss will give them the option to match whatever deal he does receive on the open market. That makes sense because the clubs pursuing Moss will be limited because he wants to play for a contender. The most interesting rumor is Moss joining the Dallas Cowboys. The Cowboys can pay up, and wouldn't T.O. and Moss be interesting to watch, not to mention impossible to defend?

Really. I don't know about this one, I don't know if Tony Romo can handle that pressure. He would have TO, Randy, and Patrick Crayton on the field and Jessica, Joe, Ashley, and that dude from Fall Out Boy off the field. Too many douche's in the taint?

The asking price for Patriots cornerback Asante Samuel is somewhere between $10 and $11 million per season. The Saints are currently the leader to land Samuel, although that could change. Samuel's price got this high because Atlanta's disgruntled DeAngelo Hall is asking for $10 million.

That's 2 quality CB's that can be had for either a, a shit ton of money, or b, a first round pick. If the Boys are really thinking about getting a CB with one of their first round pics, why not spend a little more money and ship one of those pics to ATL for Hall? He might be the best corner in the game right now. True, he is bat shit crazy, but hell we can bunk him Tank Johnson and tell tank to sleep with one of his AK's with a look that says, "Don't fuck up, or I will show you what I learned in prison."

I'm sure we all know now that run D-MAC ran a 4.33 40 time at the combine. The rumor is still out there that the Miami wants to trade out and would like Dallas 2 late first rounders and MB3 for the #1 overall pick. I was against this trade when I first hear it, but 4.3? DAMN that's fast. He might be worth it. Just might.

Funny Shiot

For those of you who don't watch Kimmel, and thats about everybody, you missed a funny ass segment last night. Enjoy.

The most ridiculous shit ever said.

Ok, so I was driving back to my hotel from the office, and I flipped on the local ESPN radio affiliate here in Honolulu. I was treated to the afternoon drive-time program.

Not surprisingly, the talk around town is "How is Colt Brennan doing at the combine and where should he go in the draft?"

Naturally, these are homers, and they defend any negative commentary said against their boy. Fine. However, when it came to the "where should he go discussion" I heard a comment that made me damn near swerve into the Pacific Ocean.

"I wouldn't be shocked if Pittsburgh drafts Colt. Sure they've got Roethlisberger, but he won under a different coach. I don't think the new coach likes him, and they'll probably get rid of him in favor of Colt's style to open things up."

What. The. Fuck.

Please, someone attempt to explain the commentary without using references to "insanity", "drugs", "alcohol" or general "retardation".

Quick Hits from a Phone

Best moves in the West:
-Gasol to LA
-Kings dumping Bibby
-Korver to Utah

Worst moves in the West:
-Shaq to Phoenix
-Kidd to Dallas (Note the jinx by Big a few posts ago...ass hat...never mention a parade)

Rumor that will make me jump off of Diamondhead because it should be the Mavs:
-Artest to Spurs

Racist side note:
You'd think that the Japanese would have learned what happens when they tried to invade Hawai'i...but you'd be wrong. They're everywhere.

WEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!

Two of my favoret guilty plesures are about to cross over. FNL star Taylor Kitsch (Tim Riggins) will play X-Men Gambit in some up comming movies. I'm so excited.



Hat TIP to The Big Lead

Jason Kidd, the man, the myth

I really don't know what to add to the whole Jason Kidd trade that hasn't already been said 100 times by everybody who even kinda watches basketball. So I'll just go with my take.

First off, I'm on board. Despite what most Internet people, and mostly mav's fans are saying, I don't think they gave up too much to get a guy like Kidd in here. Lets go with the reasons its a good trade.

1. Leadership.
A lot of stuff is being talked about how this team needed to get mentally stronger. Its no secret that the mav's were, for the most part, slapped mental in the that Golden State series last year. After that shitty sight, most people were ready to blow things up around here. I know I played on the Trade Machine for quite awhile seeing how I could get Garnett, or Kobe, or Jermain O'Neill in here. But the Mav's stayed pat, brought the same team back, and said, "don't worry, that just a hic up, we will be better next year." We all knew that wasn't a good idea, and the management finally agree with us fans about a week ago. They needed a leader. They had one player, Jerry Stackhouse, who would stand up at the end of a game with a snarl on his face, and say "Fuck you, we aren't loosing." Devin didn't do it, JET didn't do it, and Dirk rarely did it. The one way to get Dirk out of that role is to get inside his head during the game, and he folds like origami.

Enter Jason Kidd. Unlike before when the players on this team would look at their best player, Dirk, who then just looked back like "what?" they now have another superstar in Kidd who can say, Get me the ball, I will find a way to win.

A perfect example of this is this years NFL champion NY Giants. What was the best thing that happened to that team? Tiki left before the year started, and Shocky got hurt at the end of the year. Why was this a good thing. It took out some bad mojo in the locker room. When Eli or Plax stared looking around the locker room at the end of the year, where they would normally find a pissed off Tiki, or a mouthy Shockey, they found no one. So they had to look inside themselves.

That's what could happen here only in reverse. When people look around for leadership on the bench now, They don't have to look at Dirk to fire them up, or an aging bench player like Stack, they have Jason Fucking Kidd telling them how they are going to win.

2. Built better for More teams.

Several years ago when the Mav's lost to Steve Kerr and Spurs, they had one goal in mind, and that's beating the Spurs. They built there team around that idea that if you can beat the best team in basketball, you could win a title, and it damn near worked 2 years ago. They got rid of the point guard who couldn't guard Tony Parker, in Steve Nash. They went out and got some big guys to help defend Duncan, in Damp and Diop. They got rid of the shoot first, no dribbling, no defence mike Finley. They even added a former spur to be their coach! Every thing they did was to beat the Spurs.

Now the Spurs aren't the only team to worry about, as proof look at last year. Fast athletic teams gives them fits. Is Jason Kidd the answer to competing with those guys? No. BUT he does give the team an identity of there own. They are no longer the team that can beat the Spurs, they are the Mavericks, you have to find a way to beat them now. Only time will tell if it was a good move in that respect, but the Mavs most def have an identity now.

3. Ability for Josh Howard, Jason Terry, and Dirk to elevate their game.

I liked Devin Harris. I liked what he brought to the team. His slashing and quick defense will be missed. But as he got better, a lot of his team mates got worse. Its a simple only so many balls to go around thing. Josh Howard isn't as good as he was last year, neither is Dirk, and Jet looked like a lost player most of the time when he on the floor the same time as Harris.

Kidd will help this. It allows Howard to be more of what he is, an athletic 3 who works hard, and cuts well, and now he has someone who will know where he is, and what he is about to do at all times. The fact that Jason Kidd is a bigger point really helps out Jason Terry. I don't know if he will stay on the bench or start at the 2, but he now doesn't have to worry about playing the point at all. He is now a 2 guard for the rest of the time he and Kidd are both here. No more Jet bringing the ball up, no more yelling at him when he has 2 assists. He can just do what he does best and hopefully that will be a good thing. On defense, Terry can now guard the quicker, smaller guard while Jason guards the bigger one. And God only knows how Kidd will help out Dirk. More open looks, easier baskets. nuff said.

Now, unless your LA and you get a star like Gasol for just expiring contracts, you will have to give up something to get something in this League. Lets look at what the Mav's weaknesses now.

1. Depth.

Its scary to thing Eric Damper and Brandon Bass are your only two real big guys now, add that guy they got with Kidd in there if you want to, but I doubt the players much. How will this work against Shaq, Duncan, and Bynum? I don't know. Its a real concern playing against those guys that you have to have. Donny Nelson this morning said finding some back up bigs is his most pressing need right now, and with very little tradeable peices on this team left, I don't know how they are going to do it. PJ Brown is out there, does that make you feel any better? yea me neither.

2. The Future

The best prospect on the Mav's was Devin Harris. No question. But other than Mo Ager who has showed no signs of worthiness, he is the ONLY prospect on this team. The teams not old, per say, but its not young either. The window for this team before the trade was about 3 years or so. Now its only about 2. Giving up what could be a fantastic point is hard, but what happens if he turns into Damen Stoudamire, or Andre Miller? Both of whom where thought to be the next great point and turned into solid, but not spectacular players?

Draft Pics. I hear this one a lot as well. They gave up 2 first round pics. This year, and 2010-2011. HOPEFULLY these picks will be later first rounders. I'm talking 22 plus. Looking back at the drafts here are the few guys who are decent that got picked after 22:Daniel Gibson, Paul Millsap, Jason Maxiell, David Lee, Kevin Martin, Anderson Varejao, Leandrinho Barbosa, Josh Howard, Kyle Korver, Tayshaun Prince, Carlos Boozer, Gerald Wallace, Tony Parker, Gilbert Arenas, Mehmet Okur. That's 16 people who where picked after 22 that make a difference on their team, out of 210 plus pick. That's one out of ever 13 or so pics. Basically 2 a year. This is not the NFL, where drafting well is the only way to be a great team. If your not picking in the top 10 or so, you shouldn't expect to get a star. and only once out of ever 10 years or so should you expect to get a real solid player. Now if we become the Knicks, and start blowing ass in a few years, and that pick for 2010 becomes a lottery, then we got big time problems. But that chances of that happening are slim to none, Dirk, Howard and 3 guys can probably make the playoffs.

In closing, this trade puts the Mav's closer to a title this and next year, and further away from one after that. In toady's NBA, to be a legit championship contender, you need to be one of the top 6 teams in the league. The Mav's were right on the cusp of that a week ago, now they are still on the cusp, but if Kidd makes them just a little bit better, then they aren't on the cusp, they might even be one of the top 3. Time will tell, if this pick was worth it, but if they have the championship parade in a couple months, there will be a lot of crow to be eaten around the league.

Back, Bigger, and Full of it.

I would like to apologize for the past few days, Brown is off in Hawaii for work, i don't even know if the somas even know what a computer is, and I have been taking care of business with my family over the past few days, so sorry for the lack of posts over the past few.

Well, I'm back bitch.

To start off this short week lets quick hit some big stuff.

NBA

Number one, Dunk contest. Best I've seen in years. Birthday cake was greatness, Gay's off the suport beam was highly under rated, and Dwight Howard. Damn. If you didn't see it, here is an abridged verson.



Talking about Howards Superman Dunk, he said in an interview with hoopsworld, He said he "ment to throw the dunk in," because only superman could do that. Well done sir. Lets just hope he doesn't get into horse ridding. Too Soon?

Jason Kidd is finally a mav, more about that later today.

College Hoops

Kelvin Sampson, looks like you got your hair cut off. Look if you sleep with a snake, your going to get bit. The same shit that he did in Oklahoma, he did with Indiana, and now one of the better teams in the Big 10 may be suspended by the NCAA.

In a game that I'm sure made Brown smile, Texas Beat Texas A&M by a bunch, and Baylor lost to Oklahoma. Texas is now in my big 6, that the 6 teams that I think have a shot at winning the Dance this year. More on that later in the day or tomorrow as well.

MMA

I enjoy MMA, but I don't follow it like some of my friends. I did here this rumor that UFC might sign Kimbo Slice, so that they can fight him against Brock Lesner. I would pay for that.

NASCAR

Randy Newman, came from nowhere and proved not only does he "love LA," but he loves winning at Daytona as well. Didn't know the great song writer from all the Pixar movies was into racing? What ever floats your boat i guess.

***Correction, Its Ryan Newman that won, not singer song writer Randy*****

I hope that catches some people up. More to come today.