The most ridiculous shit ever said.

Ok, so I was driving back to my hotel from the office, and I flipped on the local ESPN radio affiliate here in Honolulu. I was treated to the afternoon drive-time program.

Not surprisingly, the talk around town is "How is Colt Brennan doing at the combine and where should he go in the draft?"

Naturally, these are homers, and they defend any negative commentary said against their boy. Fine. However, when it came to the "where should he go discussion" I heard a comment that made me damn near swerve into the Pacific Ocean.

"I wouldn't be shocked if Pittsburgh drafts Colt. Sure they've got Roethlisberger, but he won under a different coach. I don't think the new coach likes him, and they'll probably get rid of him in favor of Colt's style to open things up."

What. The. Fuck.

Please, someone attempt to explain the commentary without using references to "insanity", "drugs", "alcohol" or general "retardation".

Quick Hits from a Phone

Best moves in the West:
-Gasol to LA
-Kings dumping Bibby
-Korver to Utah

Worst moves in the West:
-Shaq to Phoenix
-Kidd to Dallas (Note the jinx by Big a few posts ago...ass hat...never mention a parade)

Rumor that will make me jump off of Diamondhead because it should be the Mavs:
-Artest to Spurs

Racist side note:
You'd think that the Japanese would have learned what happens when they tried to invade Hawai'i...but you'd be wrong. They're everywhere.

WEEEELLLLLLLLLLL!

Two of my favoret guilty plesures are about to cross over. FNL star Taylor Kitsch (Tim Riggins) will play X-Men Gambit in some up comming movies. I'm so excited.



Hat TIP to The Big Lead

Jason Kidd, the man, the myth

I really don't know what to add to the whole Jason Kidd trade that hasn't already been said 100 times by everybody who even kinda watches basketball. So I'll just go with my take.

First off, I'm on board. Despite what most Internet people, and mostly mav's fans are saying, I don't think they gave up too much to get a guy like Kidd in here. Lets go with the reasons its a good trade.

1. Leadership.
A lot of stuff is being talked about how this team needed to get mentally stronger. Its no secret that the mav's were, for the most part, slapped mental in the that Golden State series last year. After that shitty sight, most people were ready to blow things up around here. I know I played on the Trade Machine for quite awhile seeing how I could get Garnett, or Kobe, or Jermain O'Neill in here. But the Mav's stayed pat, brought the same team back, and said, "don't worry, that just a hic up, we will be better next year." We all knew that wasn't a good idea, and the management finally agree with us fans about a week ago. They needed a leader. They had one player, Jerry Stackhouse, who would stand up at the end of a game with a snarl on his face, and say "Fuck you, we aren't loosing." Devin didn't do it, JET didn't do it, and Dirk rarely did it. The one way to get Dirk out of that role is to get inside his head during the game, and he folds like origami.

Enter Jason Kidd. Unlike before when the players on this team would look at their best player, Dirk, who then just looked back like "what?" they now have another superstar in Kidd who can say, Get me the ball, I will find a way to win.

A perfect example of this is this years NFL champion NY Giants. What was the best thing that happened to that team? Tiki left before the year started, and Shocky got hurt at the end of the year. Why was this a good thing. It took out some bad mojo in the locker room. When Eli or Plax stared looking around the locker room at the end of the year, where they would normally find a pissed off Tiki, or a mouthy Shockey, they found no one. So they had to look inside themselves.

That's what could happen here only in reverse. When people look around for leadership on the bench now, They don't have to look at Dirk to fire them up, or an aging bench player like Stack, they have Jason Fucking Kidd telling them how they are going to win.

2. Built better for More teams.

Several years ago when the Mav's lost to Steve Kerr and Spurs, they had one goal in mind, and that's beating the Spurs. They built there team around that idea that if you can beat the best team in basketball, you could win a title, and it damn near worked 2 years ago. They got rid of the point guard who couldn't guard Tony Parker, in Steve Nash. They went out and got some big guys to help defend Duncan, in Damp and Diop. They got rid of the shoot first, no dribbling, no defence mike Finley. They even added a former spur to be their coach! Every thing they did was to beat the Spurs.

Now the Spurs aren't the only team to worry about, as proof look at last year. Fast athletic teams gives them fits. Is Jason Kidd the answer to competing with those guys? No. BUT he does give the team an identity of there own. They are no longer the team that can beat the Spurs, they are the Mavericks, you have to find a way to beat them now. Only time will tell if it was a good move in that respect, but the Mavs most def have an identity now.

3. Ability for Josh Howard, Jason Terry, and Dirk to elevate their game.

I liked Devin Harris. I liked what he brought to the team. His slashing and quick defense will be missed. But as he got better, a lot of his team mates got worse. Its a simple only so many balls to go around thing. Josh Howard isn't as good as he was last year, neither is Dirk, and Jet looked like a lost player most of the time when he on the floor the same time as Harris.

Kidd will help this. It allows Howard to be more of what he is, an athletic 3 who works hard, and cuts well, and now he has someone who will know where he is, and what he is about to do at all times. The fact that Jason Kidd is a bigger point really helps out Jason Terry. I don't know if he will stay on the bench or start at the 2, but he now doesn't have to worry about playing the point at all. He is now a 2 guard for the rest of the time he and Kidd are both here. No more Jet bringing the ball up, no more yelling at him when he has 2 assists. He can just do what he does best and hopefully that will be a good thing. On defense, Terry can now guard the quicker, smaller guard while Jason guards the bigger one. And God only knows how Kidd will help out Dirk. More open looks, easier baskets. nuff said.

Now, unless your LA and you get a star like Gasol for just expiring contracts, you will have to give up something to get something in this League. Lets look at what the Mav's weaknesses now.

1. Depth.

Its scary to thing Eric Damper and Brandon Bass are your only two real big guys now, add that guy they got with Kidd in there if you want to, but I doubt the players much. How will this work against Shaq, Duncan, and Bynum? I don't know. Its a real concern playing against those guys that you have to have. Donny Nelson this morning said finding some back up bigs is his most pressing need right now, and with very little tradeable peices on this team left, I don't know how they are going to do it. PJ Brown is out there, does that make you feel any better? yea me neither.

2. The Future

The best prospect on the Mav's was Devin Harris. No question. But other than Mo Ager who has showed no signs of worthiness, he is the ONLY prospect on this team. The teams not old, per say, but its not young either. The window for this team before the trade was about 3 years or so. Now its only about 2. Giving up what could be a fantastic point is hard, but what happens if he turns into Damen Stoudamire, or Andre Miller? Both of whom where thought to be the next great point and turned into solid, but not spectacular players?

Draft Pics. I hear this one a lot as well. They gave up 2 first round pics. This year, and 2010-2011. HOPEFULLY these picks will be later first rounders. I'm talking 22 plus. Looking back at the drafts here are the few guys who are decent that got picked after 22:Daniel Gibson, Paul Millsap, Jason Maxiell, David Lee, Kevin Martin, Anderson Varejao, Leandrinho Barbosa, Josh Howard, Kyle Korver, Tayshaun Prince, Carlos Boozer, Gerald Wallace, Tony Parker, Gilbert Arenas, Mehmet Okur. That's 16 people who where picked after 22 that make a difference on their team, out of 210 plus pick. That's one out of ever 13 or so pics. Basically 2 a year. This is not the NFL, where drafting well is the only way to be a great team. If your not picking in the top 10 or so, you shouldn't expect to get a star. and only once out of ever 10 years or so should you expect to get a real solid player. Now if we become the Knicks, and start blowing ass in a few years, and that pick for 2010 becomes a lottery, then we got big time problems. But that chances of that happening are slim to none, Dirk, Howard and 3 guys can probably make the playoffs.

In closing, this trade puts the Mav's closer to a title this and next year, and further away from one after that. In toady's NBA, to be a legit championship contender, you need to be one of the top 6 teams in the league. The Mav's were right on the cusp of that a week ago, now they are still on the cusp, but if Kidd makes them just a little bit better, then they aren't on the cusp, they might even be one of the top 3. Time will tell, if this pick was worth it, but if they have the championship parade in a couple months, there will be a lot of crow to be eaten around the league.

Back, Bigger, and Full of it.

I would like to apologize for the past few days, Brown is off in Hawaii for work, i don't even know if the somas even know what a computer is, and I have been taking care of business with my family over the past few days, so sorry for the lack of posts over the past few.

Well, I'm back bitch.

To start off this short week lets quick hit some big stuff.

NBA

Number one, Dunk contest. Best I've seen in years. Birthday cake was greatness, Gay's off the suport beam was highly under rated, and Dwight Howard. Damn. If you didn't see it, here is an abridged verson.



Talking about Howards Superman Dunk, he said in an interview with hoopsworld, He said he "ment to throw the dunk in," because only superman could do that. Well done sir. Lets just hope he doesn't get into horse ridding. Too Soon?

Jason Kidd is finally a mav, more about that later today.

College Hoops

Kelvin Sampson, looks like you got your hair cut off. Look if you sleep with a snake, your going to get bit. The same shit that he did in Oklahoma, he did with Indiana, and now one of the better teams in the Big 10 may be suspended by the NCAA.

In a game that I'm sure made Brown smile, Texas Beat Texas A&M by a bunch, and Baylor lost to Oklahoma. Texas is now in my big 6, that the 6 teams that I think have a shot at winning the Dance this year. More on that later in the day or tomorrow as well.

MMA

I enjoy MMA, but I don't follow it like some of my friends. I did here this rumor that UFC might sign Kimbo Slice, so that they can fight him against Brock Lesner. I would pay for that.

NASCAR

Randy Newman, came from nowhere and proved not only does he "love LA," but he loves winning at Daytona as well. Didn't know the great song writer from all the Pixar movies was into racing? What ever floats your boat i guess.

***Correction, Its Ryan Newman that won, not singer song writer Randy*****

I hope that catches some people up. More to come today.

Mock, Yea, Ing, Yea, Bird, Yea, Yea, Yea

As you know, I am a big silly fan of the NFL draft. I will be doing several mock drafts throgh out the off season, and here is the first. This a pre combine, pre anything, and I only kinda thought about all those players that Atlanta cut today, but here we go.

First round.

1 Miami - Chris Long, DE, Virginia
This team needs about everything, except a running back. The sounds from around the league say Big Bill likes Howie's kid. I don't really know if this guy fits into that true 3-4 DE, but neither really is Jason Taylor, and look how well that worked out.

2 St. Louis Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU
Most dominate player in the draft. Really shores up their run D.

3 Atlanta - Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas
Perfect fit for McFadden, there is some other backs there that can help carry the load, while leaving McFadden the ability to hit home runs all day.

4 Oakland - Sedrick Ellis, DT, USC
Warren Sap is all but gone, and he was sucking when he wasn't. Ellis fills the whole.

5 Kansas City - Jake Long, OT, Michigan
Not quite ready to rock a QB here, so they take the best O-linmen in the draft.

6 NY Jets - Vernon Gholston, DE, Ohio St.
The Jets need to get better in a lot of places, pass rush is one of them. Gholston gives them that.

7 New England(SF) - Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona
I don't think this team will resign Sammuals, so a nice CB would be a nice fit.

8 Baltimore - Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College
Kyle Boler has had as many chances as humanly possible, and McNair finished the year on IR. Even if this team goes out and gets a vet, the best QB is a nice fit here.

9 Cincinnati - Calais Campbell, DE, Miami
The Beangles really need defense, all spots. Campbell is a great pass rusher with a huge upside. Might want to get a less of a "project" player, but his upside is too high to pass up.

10 New Orleans - Kenny Phillips, S, Miami
Same as above. They need D. Phillips can help the pass and run D.

11 Buffalo - Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida
While the offense was mostly the problem last year, a nice CB like Jenkins gives this team a serious contending D.

12 Denver - Keith Rivers, LB, USC
Denver needed run help, and a LB who could cover the TE's such as Tonny G in KC. Here ya go.

13 Carolina - Ryan Clady, OT, Boise St.
Despite what a lot of people think, I don't see them going for a QB this year. Delhome is coming back, and they got Moore as a project/ future guy. Clady will help them protect Delhome, and open holes for their tandom running duo.

14 Chicago - Brian Brohm, QB, Louisville
Here come another QB! Sexy Rexy will stay, and probably start, but just one more year, then Brohm will take over.

15 Detroit - Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
Its never a bad Idea to take good solid Corners. Its ever better when you need one.

16 Arizona - Sam Baker, OT, USC
With Jones and Baker now at the Tackles, this team has two great bookend tackles.

17 Minnesota - Malcolm Kelly, WR, Oklahoma
Sidney Rice showed a lot last year, and Kelly will help Boom Boom's Chances in staying the starter.

18 Houston - Jonathan Stewart, RB, Oregon
Ahman Green and Jonathan Stewart will double team Def's next year.

19 Philadelphia - DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal
Might be a bit of a reach, but Jackson has that big play ability that Donavan really wants.

20 Tampa Bay - Jeff Otah, OT, Pitt
It is never a bad idea to draft OLine.

21 Washington - Derrick Harvey, DE, Florida
If Harvey can get to the QB with some regularity, this D becomes scary.

22 Dallas(Cle) - Rashard Mendenhall, RB, Illinois
A great complement to MB3, Fast, blocks well, can break a run open.

23 Pittsburgh - Aqib Talib, DB, Kansas
Go D gets better.

24 Tennessee - Limas Sweed, WR, Texas
Young needs a solid target, and the former Texas QB gets one with Limas Sweed.

25 Seattle - Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas
Alexander is on the downhill slope, and Mo Morris isn't the answer. Jones is used to sharing touches, and this will expancd Alexander's time in this League.

26 Jacksonville - Quentin Groves, DE, Auburn
The only thing that the Jacksonville D didn't do well last year is get to the QB. Enter Quentin Groves.

27 San Diego - Frank Okam, DT, Texas
They need help stoppin the run, Okam is a big sumbitch

28 Dallas - Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma
A bit of a reach, but Smith can play the nickle CB untill he is ready to start in place of Henry.

29 San Francisco(Ind) - Gosder Cherilus, OT, Boston
San Fran needs alot of things as well. Who ever ends up playing QB for this team, needs better protection than they got last year.

30 Green Bay - Justin King, CB, Penn St.
Al Harris and Charlie Woodson are both up in age, and Justin King can take over when ready.

31 New England - forfeit

32 NY Giants - Dan Conner, LB, Penn St.
Best OLB in draft, helps an already great D.

Second Round. Just for shit and giggles.

32 Miami - Chris Williams OT Vanderbilt
33 St. Louis - Ali Highsmith LB LSU
34 Oakland - Jeff Otah OT Pittsburgh
35 Kansas City - Dominique Rodgers CB Tennessee State
36 New York Jets - Keith Rivers LB USC
37 Atlanta - Phillip Merling DE Clemson
38 Baltimore - Patrick Lee CB Auburn
39 San Fransisco - Mario Manningham WR Michigan
40 New Orleans - Kentwan Balmer DT North Carolina
41 Buffalo - Pat Sims DT Auburn
42 Denver - Fred Davis TE Southern California
43 Carolina - Xavier Adibi LB Virginia Tech
44 Chicago - Carl Nicks OT Nebraska
45 Detroit - Erin Henderson LB Maryland
46 Cincinnati - Antoine Cason CB Arizona
47 Minnesota - Tracy Porter CB Indiana
48 Atlanta (from Houston) - Joe Flacco QB Delaware
49 Philadelphia - Beau Bell LB UNLV
50 Arizona - Branden Flowers CB Virginia Tech
51 Washington - James Hardy WR Indiana
52 Tampa Bay - Early Doucet WR LSU
53 Pittsburgh - Anthony Collins OT Kansas
54 Tennessee - Chris Ellis DE Virginia Tech
55 Seattle - John Carlson TE Notre Dame
56 Cleveland - Jamaal Charles RB Texas
57 Miami (from San Diego) - Chad Henne QB Michigan
58 Jacksonville - Charles Godfrey CB Iowa
59 Indianapolis - Curtis Lofton LB Oklahoma
60 Green Bay - Heath Benedict OT Newberry
61 Dallas - Earl Bennett WR Vanderbilt
62 New England - Devin Thomas WR Michigan State
63 New York Giants - Steve Slaton RB West Virginia

Its early, And I know i'm way off, but wasn't that fun?

Happy Valentines day

Ahh yes, what a great day this is. It is the day that men everywhere treat their ladies like whores. We treat them nice, take them out to dinner, or cook it our selfs, and buy them expensive things, all so we might get some crazy V-Day sex tonight.

Box of Chocolats - 20 bucks
Flowers - 40 bucks
dinner - 75 bucks
some "from the heart" gift, usually something you buy at Zales - 100 bucks

Total - 235 bucks

Hooker(decent) - 150 bucks, (not that I know thats just what i've heard)

Who gets the better deal? One you should get sex, the other just dosen't want you to get it in her hair.

Happy V Day sports.

Of all the people....

Despite what you think of the proposed trade between the Mavs and Nets, we can all agree that getting rid of the spare ass 0-11 shooting, OVERRATED Devon George is a good thing.

Well, not so fast. As of right now the trade for Jason Kidd has been put on hold due to the man I was so happy to see go, Devon George.

"The same George who recently announced a desire to be traded if his playing
time didn't increase in Dallas has taken advantage of a little-known league rule
to block this trade, most likely on a temporary basis but potentially for
good."

He even said.

"it's kind of messed up how all the fingers are pointing at me."

That's because you are to blame, you big douche. When in the world did Devon George become a basketball player that we listen to anyway? Now we got an unhappy George, a PG who KNOWS he was about to be traded, and some other GM's are crying that Stack said he wants to come back to the Mavs if he gets cut? What is going on here?

You know what happens now? If they can't work something out with NJ and George, we are about to get screwed in ass with a tuna can. 3 Things could go down, only one of them is decent.

1. George OK's the trade and it goes through.
2. The Mav's bring in another team that George OK's, and involve them in the Kidd trade. This would mean that we probably would have to give up more players, and or cash.
3. The trade gets stalled, and we have a team that knows the management doesn't think it can win a championship currently as is. And if this one happens, only 2 things can come from that.

• a. Our team sucks the rest of the year because the management gave up on them.
• b. We have to go ahead and trade Harris, for 50% what he's worth, because teams no we have to trade him.

I am so pissed at George right now.

Lets not get all antsy in our pantsy

I just want it to be on record that I am behind the trading of an over the hill bench player, an over the hill 3, a center that lost his starting job to Damp, and a point guard who in 4 seasons in the league is still nothing better than a speed drive the hole point guard, for the best point in the League, even if he is old as dirt and may only play a few years. Look at this starting line up and tell me it isn't good.

PG-Kidd
SG-Terry(doesns't have to run the point AT ALL anymore)
SF-Howard
PF-Dirk
C-Damp

Thats not bad at all.

For the record

I am wholly against the Jason Kidd to Dallas trade. It will set the Mavericks back by a few years and they will not be able to do anything in the playoffs. Don't make the move just to make the move.

That is all.

Here we go again

ESPN has just put this up. Jason Kidd to Dallas just wont die.

"Although sources say that the teams are still sorting out final details, this deal was described as "imminent" by one source close to the process after negotiations moved to an advanced stage Tuesday night."

"require Dallas to send 24-year-old point guard Devin Harris, veteran swingman Jerry Stackhouse, the expiring contracts of center DeSegana Diop and swingman Devean George and another player such as guard Maurice Ager to New Jersey for Kidd and possibly veteran guard Darrell Armstrong."

"A point guard of Kidd's caliber, influence and experience would undoubtedly please the demanding Avery Johnson, reinvigorate a team that has been lacking energy and confidence and supply Dallas' coach with a dangerous four-man core of Kidd, Josh Howard, Jason Terry and reigning MVP Dirk Nowitzki."

Don't know what to think of this trade if it goes down, but it should be interesting to watch.

It's Time, It's Time, It's Vader Time.

Or draft time. Either way i'm cool. I was thinking about how to bring up draft talk here on this site. It might be too much just for me jump in and start telling you how each team will act, and who they should go for, and throw 19 mocks in your face. So, seeing as how most of the people who read this are followers of the Cowboys, lets just start there.

Here is what people around the interweb are saying in their mocks about the 'boys. (click the link if you want to see their full mock, some are interesting as hell, like Miami taking a QB with number 1!)

Footballs Future.
22. Reggie Smith DB Oklahoma
28. Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas

NFL Draft Countdown
22. AQIB TALIB
28. FELIX JONES

Draft Tek
22 Aqib Talib CB Kansas
28 D Rodgers-Cromarti CB Tennessee St.

Draft Ace
22 Felix Jones Running Back Arkansas
28 D. Cromartie-Rodgers Cornerback Tenn. State

FFToolbox
22 Leodis McKelvin, CB, Troy
28 Felix Jones, RB, Arkansas

NFL Draft Dog
22 WR Malcolm Kelly, Oklahoma
28 RB Felix Jones, Arkansas

NFL Report
22 CB Leodis McKelvin Troy
28 OT Chris Williams Vanderbilt

Great Blue North
22 Aqib Talib DB Kansas
28 Limas Sweed WR Texas

Saturdays 2 sundays
22. Limas Sweed, Texas (WR)
28. Antoine Cason, Arizona (CB)

So right now, its looks like most people think Dallas will go corner, and runningback. Not a bad idea. But I found it interesting that there were no other RB's except Felix Jones, that only one guy had us taking OL, that people think Aqub Talib will last that long. Its good stuff.

Booooo this man!

NBA Basketball. Where amazing happens. Unless of course by amazing you mean having some fun at the All Star Weekend Slam Dunk Contest.



This is Dwight Howard. He is a man beast. One of the better power forwards/centers in the game. THE best young PF/C in the game. He also has crazy, jump out of the gym, leaping ability. Its hard to tell because he is damn near 7 feet tall. Its hard for people to see just how high he can leap because its so easy for him to dunk a basketball, because of his height. So how can he empress the Slam Dunk contest judges, and entertain the crowd no less? How about raising the basketball rim to 12 feet instead of 10? Its like making him 5 feet tall. If a 5 foot sumabitch can dunk a ball, that would win the competition hands down. Sounds like a good idea for Howard right?

Well not so fast there good buddy. The NBA has said no to Howards request. Thats cool, it would be hard to raise the rim during the contest, take too much time and that stuff. What? That's not it?

"They've ruled that changing the height of the rim, while easily done mid-contest with the help of hydraulics, clashes with their intent to apply as many standard NBA rules to All-Star Weekend contests as possible."

Here is what he did/could have done at last years contest.



Well done NBA, way to look out for the fans.

Douche.

How very strange

I was walking down Kalakaua blvd on the way back from 24 hour fitness tonight, and the strangest thing happened.

Before I get into that, let me set the scene. I'm in Hawai'I for 2 weeks for work, and I've already had a shitty flight over, only to meet Sal Paolantonio in the airport and, well, that's a separate tangent all together.

Anyway, I'm walking down a heavily populated street, and my mp3 player is on shuffle. Suddenly,the song "Bittersweet Symphony" comes on.

I know what you're thinking, "Hey, Brown, it's not 1997 anymore, fag!" To which I reply, go fuck yourself, fascist.

Anyway, I decided to mimic the video and keep walking into people while they had crazy reactions.

Who would have thought, fat samoan people get VERY pissed for no reason.

I hate this place sometimes.

Well done sir, well done

Bravo

Big's Childhood, the movies.

As a request from a friend, who likes our writing, but isn't' that big a sports fan, I am introducing a new weekly blog about something other than sports. I don't have a fun name for it yet, but it will be posted here on Fridays for as long as I can remember to do it. This is a long one, so be warned.

I don't know what it is, it might be the list Brown posted earlier, or maybe the fact I hung out with my young niece's and nephews the other day, but I have been thinking about my childhood recently. Then last night, I watched a movie called "Sky High" yesterday, a decent movie that I think I would be really into if I was still 12, and thought to myself, "what were the biggest movies of my childhood?" So over today I have come up with a list, Its a top 11 list, of the most watched 11 movies of my childhood.

So let me start by qualifying a few things. First, I'm calling my childhood from the ages of 6-14 or so, cuz that's all my mind can remember, because its filled with hops and bong water. Second, I didn't really watch a whole hell of lot of movies, my family didn't go to the cinema much, and I was really into playing outside, video games, and sat morn cartoons. It my young young years I think I would rather watch an episode of Thundercats than some kids movie on Disney Channel.
And why 11? Cuz everybody else does just 10.

Honorable Mention - These are the movies that I thought of but didn't make the cut.

Only the Strong(1993) - As you will see from the following list, I loved Karate movies. OTS was the only movie I have ever seen about capoeira, a "dance" fighting style. I tried so damn hard to fight like this. It was great.

Krush Grove(1985) - You know its good, cuz the spelled krush with a K! This movie probably started my love of Hip Hop. Its about how Def Jam got started and all that Jazz. Run DMC, Fat Boys, New Edition, and Beastie Boys all played themselves.

Van Damme Movies - I went through a big JCVD faze. Kickboxer, Lionheart, Bloodsport, Street Fighter, all pretty much the same movie, but I loved them all.

Silvarado(1985) - Still to this day one of the top 3 westerns of all time. Cast was great, and this is the first movie on this list I watched with my dad.

Transformers(1986) - There were two groups of kids that were between the ages of 4-13 when this movie came out, Transformer lovers, and GI Joe head. I was a Joe head, but this movie was still a big player in my house.

All right now to the real list.

11. The Last Dragon(1985)


Holy crap. Here is the plot summery from IMDB : A young man searches for the "master" to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as the glow.

How bad ass does that sound? I remember when I first saw this movie. It came on after cartoons on Saturday morning sometime in 1988 or so. I was 7-8 years old, and was shocked that I had never heard of this movie before now. I quickly rushed out and told all my friends about it, and how bad ass Bruce Leeroy was, and how he got the "Glow," but nobody believed me. Nobody had ever seen it either.

I didn't know what it was called, The guy at Take One Video hadn't heard of it. It was like the great white wale of my childhood. I swear it was the best movie ever, but nobody believed it even existed.

Then one fateful day a year or two later, I came across it again on TV. This time I called some people, and those who could watch it still speak of its greatness today. Its was that damn fantastic.

10. Airborne (1993)

Simple story; Surfer guy has to move to Cleavland, where there is no beach. He gets bummed until his folks send him his Roller Blades! Now he falls for a chick who is the sister of his biggest bully, and he has to win a big roller blade race to get on his good side and win her heart!

Now who wouldn't love that movie? It had a lot of the things that a young Big wanted in his life, roller blade prowless, talked like a surfer, and he got chicks! That was what I wanted to be for a solid 2 years. Hell its better than a Trucker or a Wrestler, which is what I wanted to be when I was 4-9.

9. Footloose (1984)

Gayest movie on my list, by far, but till this day I can't not watch it if it comes on. Its like crack. You do it once, its not bad, then you do it again and its even better, before you know it, you know all the words to "lets hear it for the boys."

So lets just start a little sub list of my weird movie loves, so far we got Karate, Surffer/Rollerblade, and now we can add Dancing to the list. I love me some dance movies. I almost put in Breaking in my HM above, but didn't.

I wanted to be Ren McCormack(Kevin Bacon), and I wanted to fuck the shit out of Ariel Moore. She was one of the first "hey now" girls of my childhood.


In case you lived under a rock for the past 20 years, and you have never seen Footloose, the plot goes as such; New guy comes to town where no dancing is allowed, He wants to dance, Fights the preacher, Throws a dance.

I have a feeling this movie was brain washed in my head because I had 2 older sisters, who loved this kind of stuff, at least that's what I'm telling people.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Ahhh yes. This green VHS was worn out in my player over that summer that it came out. One of the more popular games we played as kids was Ninja Turtles. It said a lot about a person as to what turtle they wanted to be.

Michelangelo - A Crazy center of attention kinda guy, the popular kid.
Raphael - The rebel.
Leonardo - The Leader
Donatello - The quite, smart type.
Casey Jones - The crazy mother fucker who liked to "burn things."

I wanted to be Raphael, but I knew in my heart I would always be Donatello.

7. Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Looking back at it now, the first Rambo, the one in the city was a much better movie, but this one, the one in the jungle, was the one I watched countless times as a child.

I don't really know what happened to all the shoot em up, crazy solider movies, but as a kid I wanted nothing more than to have a bunch of guns, and shoot a bunch of bad guys. Now a days its all about using super powers, and electronics and such to beat the bad guys. Just shoot somebody already!

FBP2 was so money in every way for a you kid. No real love story, no real story at all, just a guy, killing bad guys, saving POW's, and then sticking it to his boss. That's what I'm talking about.

6. The Karate Kid (1984), The Karate Kidd II (1986)

I had to put these two together due to the fact that I can't remember which one I watched more. There wasn't anything better than pretending to do rock the crane kick, or the drum punches, when pretending to fight.

Looking back at it, there is no way this movie could happen in real life. What self respecting mother would let her child kick it with an old karate master from okanawa and not think something special was going on.


The Cobra Kia was the best bad guys ever to be in a movie.

Ever.

5. Top Gun (1986)

How can you get guys to watch a chick flick? Answer, include lots of air plane battles, a troubled soul who loses his best friend, and one Ice Man.

That's what Top Gun gave us. Don't get it twisted this is a chick flick. Boys finds girl, falls for girl, can't get girl, then gets girl. Its what all chick flicks are about. What sets this one apart is the fact that all men can identify with Mavrick.

Because of this movie every little boy, including me, wanted to be a jet fighter pilot, and play sand volleyball with no shirt on.

I watched this movie with my parents probably a hundred times. Its one of the few movies that we could all pop in and be entertained for 2 hours.

4. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

This had to be the first movie I ever saw in the Theater. I was a mear 2 or 3 years old, and it was greatness, one of my earliest movie memories. I almost just put all Star Wars together, but that wouldn't be fair to this one. Now a days I enjoy the second one more than the others, but this one was what I watched over and over as a kid.

Could it be Because of her?

No, i was too young to find that interesting.

Maybe cuz of all the black hero's, both clad and skin?

maybe. But I bet it was because of these guys.

Eeeehheetoya......BOOM

Yea, as a kid I loved the little guys.

3. The Program (1993)

OK, so first let me just say I had pretty cool parents. They let me watch just about anything that wasn't soft core porn, or anti-god. They had trust in me that I wouldn't talk like Eddie Murphy from 48 hours, or act as stupid as the kids from Animal House. They new I was a good kid that like sports, so when I, a 12-13 year old kid, asked if I could watch the Program, they were cool with it. And from that point, it was done.

Everything I did for the next 2 years was based on this movie. I would talk shit during football games the same way Alvin Mack did. I would pretend to be hooked on booze like Joe Cain. I wanted to bust my ass in school like Darnell Jefferson. It was a life style.

To this day we quote this movie. "Fuck you dough boy, I can read. See that shoe, it says Adidas." "You the motha fucka that got my baby sister pregnant. Haven't seen you around lately." "Because we all know, Cain is Able."

I could go on for hours, but you know what I'm saying.

2. Rocky IV (1985)


With out a doubt the best Rocky ever made. Great fights; Rocky vs. Drago.

Great quotes, "If he dies, he dies."

A person overcoming a loss of a friend.

The best training scene ever in a movie. Rocky in the woods, Drago doing roids.

And it single handled ended the cold war.

1. G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

As I said earlier, as a child you were either a GI Joe guy or a Transformers guy, as you can guess, I was a GI Joe head.

I don't know how many Joe's I had, but they were easily in the triple digits. I even had the special ordered Super Trooper, that you could only get with like 15 proof of purchases and 10 bucks. He was awesome.

This movie also merged two of my worlds. Joe's and wrestling with Sargent Slaughter. Needless to say I was like a pig in shit i was so happy.

The world was a better place when I was blue vs red lasers. There were no color barriers like Rambo, or sympathizing with the enemy, except you felt bad for Cobra Commander in the movie, but for the most part it was just good vs evil, and good always won.

Welp, that's this weeks non sports story, hope you enjoyed it. If you think I left something out, please, let me know.

The Brown Five - 2/08/08 - That's how timezones work

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Here we go with PETA again
Pedro Martinez and Juan Marichal were in the Dominican Republic last week, and they decided to take in a popular sport of their home country. Problem is, that popular sport happens to be cockfighting. Have we learned nothing from Mike Vick? Come on! Sure it's legal down there, but PETA will protest the scene from "The Great Outdoors" where John Candy shoots a bear in the ass. Fuck it, PETA is the issue here, not Pedro. I'd like to just start kicking a box labeled "kittens" around the lawn in front of the home office.

2) Brian McNamee saves needles
For seven fucking years. Really? Everyone is okay in believing that, but we don't want to believe the athletes? If I'm Clemens's lawyer, I just say "he admitted to receiving B-12 shots, and that's the remnants of those syringes. Any steroid residue has been added since the shot was given, and is consdered tampering and is inadmissable"

3) Watch Illinois and Indiana last night
Good game from a couple of rivals. What impressed me was when a certain Jeffrey Jordan hit a key overtime jumper to make things close for Illinois. You might remember Jeffrey's father, Michael. Pretty good basketball player. I'd like to submit a new nickname: Jeffrey "Heir" Jordan. Think about it.

4) Manning to Tyree listed as "greatest play ever in Super Bowl"
Yeah, I'm okay with that. In the 20 some odd years I've been watching them, it's the only one that has made me stand up and scream and ask all the stupid people who were still sitting down "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FROM MANNING?" only to get blank stares like I interrupted a bunch of serious conversations because they forgot it that a GOD DAMN FOOTBALL GAME WAS ON AND IT WASN'T A MOTHER FUCKING SOCIAL HOUR. What was my point again?

5) I wish this was a joke. I'm still hoping it is a joke.
Jesus Christ, let it go.

Go white boy, Go white boy, Go!

With National signing day the other day, here is a video of Sam McGuffie, a running back from Cypress (TX) Cy-Fair. I have no idea where that is, but this kid is special, and he's white. Not that that matters, but it should just be noted. Jonny Vag Pants should be excited he will be playing for the blue and gold next year.



Big ups to Gerry at uncle rico. Read him if your interested in Alabama football and how they did, or just an overview of NSD.

Why I think the Rangers will turn it around

It's no secret that I've been a Ranger fan since I began watching baseball as a kid. I never played the game, mainly because I sucked at it (I have the coordination of a retarded kid who also has muscular distrophy), but I sure watched it enough.

Anyway, a certain hall of fame pitcher and Texas legend has always been one of my favorite players, and now that man, Nolan Ryan, is the new president of your Texas Rangers.

Do I think he really knows a lot about the business end of running a baseball team? No.

Is this just a publicity stunt to get more fans at the ballpark? Yes.

Will Nolan go old school in the locker room and go "Robin Ventura" on one of the younger players in the locker room? I'm looking at you, Freddie Guzman.

Either way, I think Nolan being involved will help us as fans of this little team remember the glory years and cheer again without thinking of Hicks and Daniels general stupidity.

Don't get the Robin Ventura reference or just want to see it again? Ok...

The Brown Five - 2/7/08 - How do you like your breakfast taco?

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Nick Saban pulls off a coup
So, for the most part, America hates Nick Saban, right? Wrong. The man can recruit like a mother fucker in a very highly touted area of the country. 32 recruits including the nations number 4, 30, 38, and 55 ranked players as well as a quarterback who's first name is "Star". Does it mean they're going to win a title tomorrow? No. Does it mean that Alabama can come back to prominence in the SEC? Probably.

2) The Kevin Hart story is closer to Big's life than you think
Remember this? Kevin Hart makes a commitment to California. California and Tedford don't know what the hell he's talking about. Hart says he was duped and scammed out of money by a "recruiter". Turns out, Hart made the whole thing up. Fernley High School, Reno, Nevada...where dumb asses are born.

3) Shaq to Phoenix still confuses the world
But, hey, he promised Steve Nash he won't let him down. This is interesting to me for a few reasons. Shaq is making a step towards saying, "I know I'm not the guy here, you are. I'm supporting that." That's huge for Shaq. It also means that Shaq is pissed off, and he's going to take it out on Los Angeles, Dallas and any Eastern conference team that comes in his way. At least we get to see Dampier get abused over and over again.

4) Cassell to Boston? Uh oh.
You know what happens when a bunch of aging veterans try to tack on to the hot team with the hopes they might come away with a ring? Failure. See the Lakers with Payton and Malone. Is Cassell an upgrade over Rondo? Oh god yes. Will the Clippers just let him go? I don't think so.

5) Duke won on Tobacco Road last night
Lawson was mosing, and the Tar Heels just look slow and struggling all night, but you got to hand it to Greg Paulus for draining six three pointers last night. Duke let it rain from the three point line all night, and that made UNC's size advantage pretty useless.

It's so true

Ever since buying a Wii over Christmas, I've been thrown back in time to a point where I can download and play the old Nintendo games that I grew up playing as a youth in the shittiest little shit town in Texas.

I have never found a more comprehensive list of "HOLY FUCK! YOU NAILED IT" than this list right here:

Cracked.com's 10 Most Irritatingly Impossible Video Games

Congratulations, folks. I buried these feelings so long ago, and you and the Wii have dredged them up to where I lay on my floor rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

It still feels good

schadenfreude - (shahd-n-froi-duh) - noun - satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

Example: Brown is giggling because he feels schadenfreude towards Boston fans.

The Brown Five - 2/6/08 - Maybe the Suns can get Penny back too

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) The Heat are ecstatic, I'm scratching my head
If you haven't heard by now, the Suns and the Heat have made a deal: Marion and Banks for Shaq. This allows the Heat to dump Shaq's contract, get a complimentary point machine and stingy defensive player for Wade as well as a solid young point guard to replace White Chocolate. The Suns? They're trying to convince themselves that Shaq is going to give them the defensive presence they need in the middle and they can shift Amare to the 4 with Grant Hill backing him up. This was a bad move by Phoenix. I just don't think Shaq is worth it anymore.

2) The West is moving, yet the Mavs stand still
Okay. Gasol to the Lakers. Shaq to the Suns. Stoudamire to the Spurs. Durant coming into his own in Seattle. Paul on fire in New Orleans. Utah fusing. Portland gelling with Oden coming in next year. The Mavs? Holding on for dear life. I'm still not a fan of the Jason Kidd move, but come on. The Mavericks HAVE to make a move to get better. If you aren't moving to get better, you are only getting worse. You can't wait for the D-league All Stars to come into their own. Jones, Bass and Hassell aren't the fire power you need. I dont play with the trade machine, but do what you can to get an Artest-like player.

3) Signing Day has become quite a big deal now
It's always been a big day for those in college and in high school, but I don't ever remember it being such a big deal outside of that. Anyway, today is the day that high school studs sign at the school that has promised them the most pussy and cash. I'm always most impressed at how schools like Notre Dame that really hasn't been relevant in the past 5 years manages to swing one of the top classes annually. That Jesus, he sure has some reach.

4) Clemens has played his last card
By saying that he went in front of the Congressional lawyers and said that he didn't use steroids or growth hormone, then he's either seriously telling the truth or he's risking perjury and jailtime. This is not just going at a press conference or with Mike Wallace. No sir, these are the top and most powerful lawyers in the U.S. Government. It's made not only next week's public questioning that much more intriguing, but has made the testimony of Andy Pettite that much more curious. Is Pettite going to side with McNamee or Clemens? Someone is going to jail over this.

5) Baseball season is right around the corner, and I need a fresh taste in my mouth
2007 was weird, to say the least. Bonds getting THE record. Glavine got his 300th game. Biggio got his 3,000 hit. Thomas got his 500th homer. The Rockies had the almost Cinderella run, and the Red Sox kicked down the door for the insufferable Boston fan. What do we get this year? Well, keep posted and we'll be there all the way from April where the Rangers look like contenders to June where they will be 15 games out and re-loading for 2009.

You sorry SOB's

As I reported earlyer today, I annonced that I will be attending Texas A&M to fullfill a dream and play TE for them next year. But just like my buddy Kevin Hart It turns out I don't have a school anymore.

At first I was weary when a Fake Mike Sherman called me over the last few weeks to court me to his supple football bosom, but he soon had me hook line and sinker. So much so that I gave myself a cool football nick name, "Notorious," and asked everyone to race me as i was working on improving my foot speed.

It didn't bother me that I wasn't on rivals.com, or even mentioned in on the Aggie message boards. I knew that coach Sherman wanted me there, and we would dominate.

BUT, I just found out it was all a sham. The person I had been talking to the whole time was not Mike Sherman, but Brown, with a southern draw.

I am crushed.

I don't know what to do now.

At least I can go to Texas, Mack Brown still wants me.

***UPDATE: Mack Brown was the ManBearPig Tobey****

So if I'm a little down the next few days, you know why.

(read the two articles I linked and all this will make since)

Where I will be playing football next year.

Well, its a day before national signing day, and I am ready to make my commitment to where I will be playing football next year. I have been out of college for 3 years now, out of football for 10, but I have been keeping in shape. So while it was a surprise, it was not a total shock that new head coach Mike Shermen of the Texas A&M Aggies contacted me a few weeks ago, asking about my 40 time and how much I could bench 150Lbs.

At first I thought he was trying to get me to donate to my father's, not mine, Alma mater, but then he started asking me football questions. I taped one of the conversations and it went like this.

Coach -Hello son, This is Coach Sherman, I know its always been a dream of yours to play football for the Aggs, and I'm here to see if you want that dream to come true.

Big- Uhh, yea, but I'm 3 years out of college, I drink heavily, and smoke about half a pack a day.

Coach - I know, I've read your bio, but I was watching some game tape of you from 1995 and thought you showed real potential. That tape, plus reading this blog, I know you are a smart football person, and I'll be frank with you, I think we can mold you into the next great Aggie TE.

Big -This is a joke right?

Coach - no son its not. I'll be in touch.

And that was the end of it. I didn't think much of it till Mack Brown called me the other day. He asked me if I would like to play TE for the Horns next year.

Wow, My head was spinning. I had no idea that a 26 year old blogger could have his dream come true, but alas, I am going to play major D1 college football.

So just like my friend, Kevin Hart, who picked to go to Cal this week, after thinking long and hard, I'm going to pick to play for my fathers team, Texas A&M.

Gig Em!!

The Brown Five - 2/5/08 - Back in the saddle again.

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Eli and the Giants slay Goliath
Wow. I really can't add anything to the commentary that's already been given. So I'm just going to say, "wow". Attention Oakland, Jeremy Shockey now available. Attention Tiki, the little white guy laughing his ass off at you is Eli Manning.

2) Gregg Williams interviews for the Cowboys
Big disagrees with me, but I think this is way too many cooks in the defense's kitchen. Phillips, Campo, Stewart, Williams (maybe), Capers (maybe). That's a head coach, a coordinator, and three former head coaches on one defensive staff. Too many egos, and no one is going to check that. On the plus side, one of these guys has to make Roy Williams tradeable, right?

3) Seems like Devin Harris is more important than we thought
Without the burn and slash stylings of Devin Harris, the Mavericks have reverted to a jump shooting team, aka they suck again. Jason Terry is proving that he should not be a starter, as when he comes off the bench he is much more effective. Given the exposure that Harris is much more important than given credit for, would you still make the Kidd move?

4) Gasol to the Lakers, shit to the Grizzlies
That's all it took to get Pau Gasol? That's ALL??? No one else in the league could best that? REALLY? Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittendon and two draft picks? No wonder Kobe's playing happy like a pig in shit right now.

5) Bobby Knight retires
Make no mistake about it, Bobby Knight is the winningest coach in college basketball history. His impact on the game is greater than others, and his contribution to sports and sports talk is legendary. Anyone who attemppts to bring up Pat Summit deserves a swift kick to the crotch. Comparing women's basketball to men's basketball is like comparing high school football to the NFL. Same sport, leaps and bounds from the same thing.

Pats will win

I will be rooting for the Pats this weekend.

Two Reasons:
1. I fucking hate the Giants, and Eli, and everything the Osi shits on.
2. I believe in Santa. And he might be playing for the Pats.

Santa?

Interesting

I was poking around the WWL website yesterday and come across (making it sound like i "found" some hidden numbers on their site that nobody noticed before, but i just clicked a lot of links, probably thinking they were porn link, but I digress) some interesting numbers. Its one of those questionnaires I always find myself taking to burn time. Whats crazy is some of the numbers that over 400,000 votes. I'll explain after the results.

1) Which team will win the Super Bowl? 42.3% Patriots in a blowout

30.1% Giants in a close game
14.5% Patriots in a close game 13.1% Giants in a blowout 2) Which team are you rooting for? 50.8% Patriots
49.2% Giants

3) Has Tom Coughlin established his job security?

64.1% Yes
33.7% No, he'll have to win the Super Bowl
2.2% No, his job is still in jeopardy

4) Has Eli Manning shed the 'choker' label?

55.8% Yes
44.2% No

5) If the Patriots lose the Super Bowl, will their season be considered a disappointment?

50.3% No
49.7% Yes

6) Will Randy Moss (2 rec., 32 yards in two games) continue to struggle in the playoffs?

65.0% No
35.0% Yes

7) If you will not be in attendance, where will you watch the game?

80.9% At home
15.0% At a party
2.7% At a bar/restaurant
1.0% Probably won't watch
0.4% Travel to Arizona and watch somewhere

8) Will you watch the halftime performance by Tom Petty?

52.1% No
47.9% Yes

9) Which do you enjoy more about the Super Bowl?

92.5% The game
5.7% The commercials
1.8% The hype

10) Who will be telling us he's going to Disney World after the Super Bowl?

30.2% Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
23.6% Eli Manning, QB, Giants
20.1% Tedy Bruschi, LB, Patriots
10.0% Randy Moss, WR, Patriots
4.2% Michael Strahan, DE, Giants
2.8% Wes Welker, WR, Patriots
2.2% Plaxico Burress, WR, Giants
1.9% Someone else
1.8% Osi Umenyiora, DE, Giants
1.7% Laurence Maroney, RB, Patriots
0.7% Brandon Jacobs, RB, Giants
0.5% Amani Toomer, WR, Giants
0.4% Asante Samuel, CB, Patriots

Ok, lets look at the more interesting things that this says.

42.3% of the votes believed the Patriots would win in a blowout. Not a big surprise there

But 30.1% believe the Giants would win in a close game, while only 14.5%believe the Patriots would win in a close game. So half as many people believe that pats would win a close game?

Just over 50% believe the Pats season would still be successful if they loose. I don't agree with that at all. If you go 18-0 going into the Superbowl, then loose, You have failed.

and lastly, 20.1% of people think Tedy Bruschi, LB, Patriots will be the "I'm going to Disney World" commercial. What? Won't all those flashing lights give him a stroke or something?

Hooray!!!

Thank god for Deadspin

Allright, I'll give you my chips and half a sandwhich for your snack pack.

I'm a big video game fan. I'll wait for that to sink in. Now that you have gathered yourself from the shocking news that me, an out of shape, wrestling loving, single guy in his mid 20's likes video games, I'll move on. One of the coolest things to come with sports video games over the last 8 years in the Dynasty mode. It allows you to try and rebuild your favorite teams, sim games, and kinda see how you would fair as a GM. I know me winning 7 straight Superbowl's with my teams doesn't make me the best GM not to have a job, but its still fun to try and rock some trades.

All that tirade aside, over the last week or so, there have been several trade rumors pop up for my teams here in my fair berg, Dallas. Lets start with the most recent.

Brown alluded to it today, Jason Kidd isn't happy in New Jersey. Every year since I have been in Dallas, at some point during the season there is a Jason Kidd back to Dallas trade rumor. The NBA has a lot different things to look at when you talk trade, mainly is the salary's. Here is the two trades that involve the Mavs that have been floated out there.

Dallas
Jason Kidd
New Jersey
PG Jason Terry, SG Jerry Stackhouse, C DeSagana Diop

Bad trade. Dallas would be giving up 3 players that make a big difference in their line up, for a mid 30's PG who has maybe 2 years of bad ass b-ball left. New Jersey is getting a shoot first point who is 30, a bench scorer, and an up and down center. Neither team really wins here. The only way Dallas should do this is if they really feel they can win the west with this team, which I don't think they can with no center depth, no legit starting 2, and even WORSE shooting with their starting five. The only good thing with this trade is you get to keep Devin Harris and bring him off the bench as an energy guy.

Here is Kidd trade number 2. It involves Kidd to Dallas, and Harris to Portland, and them some spares to NJ. I can't seem to find a way to make it work out with the trade machine, but its out there.

This is one that is better for the Mavs. They give up a potential star PG for a legit superstar PG. They give up a guy who could be great over the next 7-10 years, for a guy who IS greatness for the next 2. The biggest problem is that you are give a very young, very talented team in Portland another puzzle piece, that could come back to haunt you for the next 10 years.

NEXT!

Now we move on to some Cowboy love.

There are 2 trade that are floating out there that we should address. One is a no brainer, the other one that will make you think. First the no brainer.

The Detroit Lions are scared that they have too many WR's (quit drafting them in the first round jack ass), so then WR Roy Williams won't resign with them after next year. So he is on the trading block, and supposedly all they want is a 2nd round draft pick for him.

For the life of me, I can't find a team that is in the NFL that wouldn't make that deal. I'm not saying that Roy is Randy Moss or anything, but he is a great WR that is young, and could become great. If I were running the Cowboys, I wouldn't get off the phone until that dofus of a GM in Detroit said yes to trading us Roy. Hell I would even give them one of the Boys #1.

The second trade is one with a little more tilt in it. Here is the trade

Dallas
#1 overall pick (D-Mac)
Miami
#22, #28 and Marion Barber

First off, this is a HUGE jump for the Cowboys. I don't know if this trade wouldn't even include next years 1 from Dallas, but for right now lets take it as is.

With that #1 pick you would have to take McFadden. So if you think McFadden is one of those game changers, then make the deal. If you don't (I don't) then you can't give up a possible 3 starters for one average guy, then its not a great deal.

So there is some trade rumors, stick it up.

The Brown Five - 1/30/08 - Soggy Corn Flakes

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1)Yes, Big touched on this, Santana is going to New York
But, he ain't going to be in pinstripes. Omar Minaya casted his sweet sweet Hispanic charms and managed to leverage the entire Mets future on winning now. This is good new for the Mets, though, as they need an ace (Pedro ain't coming back) and they need to show the fans they are going to change after the MASSIVE meltdown last year. With Dan Haren going to the NL as well, might the National league have some aces to challenge the AL?

2)Pettite to be the sole witness...against Clemens
I know, we thought they were the best of friends, right? Well, according to Brian McNamee's lawyers, Pettite is willing to give his sworn deposition that he was not alone in his HGH usage, and Clemens was right there with him. Oh and snap.

3)Mexicans at Media Day
I'm all for the funny bits, but this is probably not going to help Arizonians change their mind about illegal immigration. Media Day at the Super Bowl has never been a serious thing, but when the Mexican television stations are sending gorgeous women to propose to players and a dude with a puppet that isn't a dog named Triumph, it's more of a beatdown than anything else.

4)LeBron wants Jason Kidd
Okaaay, how exactly does he plan on doing that? The Cavs can't afford him and with the cap rules as they are, they'll have to trade away a few players including starters. I'm pretty sure Kidd would just stay in Jersey.

5)The Texans might could use another linebacker...

Super Bowl Week JO

Whats the best part of the Superbowl? The purest might say its the game, but that usually sucks. The casual fan will say its the party, but that beats us down since I don't think me, nor brown has really watched a Superbowl in like 7 years because of the party. The non sports fan will go with the commercials, but to be honest, we can see all of the "good ones" the next day online. So what truly is the best part of a Superbowl? Well unless you are the lucky few who really root for one of the teams, the best part might be gambling. I'm not talking under over or point spreads. No no no. Only the mexican hippie, and other compulsive people care about that stuff.

I'm talking about the greatness of prop bets. Two of the more prominent sports betting sites bogdog, and BetUS, have come up with some great ones.

We will start with the Game Presentation.

How Many Times will Joe Buck mention Peyton Manning's name during the Broadcast?
Over 5.5 (-125)
Under 5.5 (-115)

How many times will Archie Manning be shown on the TV Broadcast?
Over 4.5 (-150)
Under 4.5 (+110)

Will the entire Fox pre-game team pick the Patriots to win the Super Bowl?
Yes -180
No +140

Give me over 5.5, under 4.5 and no.

Things having to do with the game/post game.

Who will the MVP of the Game thank first?

Teammates, 2:1
God, 5:2
Family, 2:1
Coach, 5:1
Doesn't thank anyone, 6:1

I'm going with God.

Colour of liquid winning Head Coach is doused in

Transparent +400
Green +500
Yellow +300
Orange +125
Red +300
Blue +1000
Purple +1600

I'm going with a slight underdog here, and saying blue.

Now my two fav's, having to do with the entertainment.

How long will it take Jordin Sparks to sing the National anthem?

Over 1m42s (-115)
Under 1m 42s (-115)

This one is free money. There is no WAY she does it in under 1m 42sec.

Tom Petty Props

Tom Petty...
smokes a joint during half time show +2500
has a wardrobe malfunction +10000
streaks field during play +50000
will smash a guitar onstage +5000
will curse during performance +8000

One question, how is smoking a joint the fav here? I would think he has a better chance at cursing, but that just me.

So there is some fun bets. Have a good hump day.

MLB Trade

I'm not going to pretend to know anything about baseball. ANYTHING. But i know this is a big deal. One of the better guys who stands on the dirt mound in the middle of the bases Johan Santana, was traded to the Mets a little while ago. TBL has the story here. So if you want to know more, go there.

P.S. I was upset to find out that he wasn't the guy who played guitar with Wyclef Jean.

The Brown Five - 1/29/08 - Media Day!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Eva Longoria says what we all know.
Tony Parker's wife, you know, Eva Longoria, have you heard of her? Yes, well she told the media that Parker often fakes, flops and exaggerates fouls on the court. This really isn't news because, well, we all know Tony's a flopper...not quite at Manu's level, but a flopper none the less. This story is big because it's the first step down the "Jackie and Doug Christie" road.

2) Stop me if you've heard this one before
Chris Webber is going to play for Don Nelson and the Golden State Warriors, and Chris Mullin is calling the shots. Let me guess, you just checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't 1996. I really don't have anything to say on top of this, but I certainly dont think it should be overlooked.

3) Given the shape of the West, can people wait until March and April to charge?
Teams like San Antonio and Los Angeles are always there, but they never run away the entire season. As accomplished post season teams, they usually turn on and shift to high gear towards the end and put together a string of victories to get their seed in the playoffs. However, given the state of the West this year and the unbelievably high win counts that teams have, is it possible that the late blooming, "we'll hit our stride later" teams can miss the playoffs? Think about it...

4) Bedard to Seattle.
The Orioles haven't completely signed off on this, but mark this up as another "Rangers get shat on" moment in the season. The Rangers have enough trouble facing this dude twice a year, and now he'll be in Seattle. Fan-fucking-tastic.

5) There's a football game on Sunday? Really?
Today's media day. Goofy hijinks abound!!! Can someone please ask Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau how they'd feel if the league implemented an HGH test effective tomorrow?

Super Bowl Week JO

All right I know its already Tuesday, but this week, I am going to bring you some of the crazy shit that goes down during the most over hyped week of the year, Superbowl week.

Today I bring you a blast from the past. Don't you remember a time where you could wake up on a Saturday morning, turn on your TV, fiddle with your NES for awhile, and just see if you can make one play last an entire half? Of course I'm talking about tecmo super bowl. The greatest football game ever made. It was simple, yet it was complex. It was the wave of the future, yet somehow had an old school vibe. Well of all the crazyness that comes with Superbowl week, I would like to introduce you to a site that dedicated to the old school tecmo feel, armchairgm.com

These guys have done what I thought couldn't be done. They have "updated" their rosters on 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl, to the current day rosters. No more Phill Sims, now its Eli Manning. And they didn't just change the names, no no, that would be too easy. They changed all the attributes as well. FANTASTIC. This is straight from their site, and straight from their simulator. Enjoy the Super (tecmo) Bowl.

First Half


2nd Half

Thought of the day...

Does anyone else think that Emmitt Smith's commentary on football sounds a lot like the old prison character that Damon Wayans did on "In Living Color"?

You know, the one who switched out seemingly normal words and substituted them for something outlandishly ridiculous?

Am I the only one who thinks that?

The Brown Five - 1/28/08 - Cena lives!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Tiger is the greatest
Tiger Woods has this ability to make the rest of the golf world look like a bunch of weekend hackers out for a stroll on the same course. He won the Buick this past weekend by 8 strokes, and that was him letting off the gas on Sunday. It's a pretty shocking thing when you realize how good the rest of the players are and how bad Tiger makes them look. Guys can barely break off the Nike Tour or the Hot Shots Tour and make it through Q school because they're just not good enough for a PGA card.

2) LeBron v Kobe...
There's a lovely argument about who's the best player in the NBA, and for the most part, you've got two camps: LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. So far, Bryant and his Lakers have dropped five in a row against LeBron and his Cavaliers. I think Kobe's a better player, because he seems to do it night in and night out. LeBron just seems to take a night off too often for me to be comforttable.

3) The Birdman attempts to make his return
Chris Andersen has applied for reinstatement into the NBA. Today's the day in New York where Dave Stern makes the call. He's apparently spent his two years off training and keeping in shape, but without the constants competition of the NBA, you have to wonder how sharp his skills really are.

4) Rumor that sets my Cowboy weenie crazy
"Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is on the trading block, and Detroit might just want a second-round pick in return" Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. You should do it without question and reap the benefits. For God's sake, not to liken him to Moss, but this is just like the Pats getting their star for a fourth rounder. The "real" Roy Williams is just what this team needs, and that allows them to use one of those first rounders as trade bait or to flush out the secondary.

5) This guy is a Ranger, and it might be interesting...
Read this story on Josh Hamilton, and let me know what you think about it.

Live! From MSG via Dallas, TX: The Royal Rumble

Here we are, the 21st annual Royal Rumble.

Key: (Bi) = Big, (Br) = Brown

Opening match: a 90 year old Ric Flair vs. MVP
Br - Ric Flair looks TERRIBLE in HD. I hope I look that good in 60 years.
Bi - He's been wrestling since 1966. Good. Lord.
Br - Here comes MVP. Not quite like wrestling Jesus, but Flair's going to have to manage.

Br - Anyone surprised the crowd isn't getting into this? Me either.

Ric Flair makes MVP tap to the figure 4!!
Bi - I give that match a 2 out of 5
Br - The match is over! I'm so happy!!

Intercession: Video with Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle
Br - Nothing really of substance, until it dawned on me that Hornswoggle is basically an Irish Mr. Peepers.

Br - Wait, Mike Adamle is now broadcasting for the WWE. Hulk Hogan is broadcasting for American Gladiators. Mike Adamle is broadcasting for the WWE. Let that sink in.

Next match: Jericho vs JBL

Bi - The promo didn't have Y2J's monday rant at all. Don't know what that means, but it means something.
Br - I hope they start a bitch tits chant for JBL

Bi- Did Y2J just siccor the ropes?
Br- i believe he did.
Bi - Somewhere a lesbian is pissed that they "stole" something else.

Bi- Just want it to be said, the RAW guys calling the match, much better than smackdown.

Br - We have our first blood of the night, with JBL cutting Y2J. Now I'm Randy.

Br - great its that time of the month for Y2J's face
Bi - Nice.

Jericho hits the crap out of JBL with a chair and gets DQ'd. Now he's going crazy with the chair, and now he's getting a TV Cable, and is going after JBL.

Br - is Jericho goin' to have to choke a bitch.
Bi - Well it does not look like this feud is over. So much for Y2J being in the main event of WrestleMania.

Video Intercession: Santino Marella and Ashley
Br - We get it, Maria is going to be in Playboy. Can we just see her naked?

Next Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio Jr. - For the WCW Championship/World Championship Belt
Br - So, Vicky Guerrero is "with" Edge. No one finds this remotely inappropriate given the whole death of Eddy Guerrero? I know it was a year ago, but...why don't we just have a story line where someone hangs themselves with a weight set.

Bi - You think Edge could ever turn face?
Br - Nope
Bi - Okay

Br - Rey Mysterio has a SharkBoy mask on. Wait, that's the Gladiator mask from that movie with Russell Crowe...what was it?
Bi - "A Beautiful Mind"
Br - Die.

Br - I'm going to get a tattoo like Mysterio, but mine will say "Indian" and under my belly button, it'll have to say "Dot, not feather" so no one gets confused.

Br - Another botched move. That's two tonight. Jeff Hardy is going to die tonight pulling an Owen Hart.
Bi - I hope not
Br - People die in threes: The kid from "The Client", Heath Ledger...AND?????
Bi - What is wrong with you?
Br - Nothing, I don't want anyone to die...except for maybe Orville Redenbacher
Bi - He's already dead
Br - Sweet.

Br - Rey Mysterio did this really cool roll outside of the ring. Now the ref has ejected some guys named "Hawkins" and "Ryder". Umm...right.

Bi - Edge just kicked Rey Mysterio's knee, it looked bad. Not really bad, but pro wrestling bad.
Bi - The HD sound allows you to hear the wrestler's struggling. Sounds like a pig. WEE! WEE!

Bi - Edge is taking Mysterio's knee brace off. Yes it's legal, Coach. Come on.

Rey with a near fall off a wicked kick to the face of Edge. Another near fall with a monkey flip. This obviously means he's going to lose.

Bi - Did he just jump off the rope and stomp on Edge's belly? What the hell? Weird.
Br - Yes. Very weird. Almost...yes, it was weird.

Big boot to Rey's face from Edge. Edge sets up for the spear. Mysterio avoids it and hits the 619. Rey hits a splash. Vicky Guerrero breaks the count. Rey argues with her, avoids the spear. He 619's both Vicky and Edge. Edge just caught Rey mid-air with a spear!!!!! Edge wins.

Br's girlfriend - That's what you get for hitting a woman, no matter how bad she deserves it.
Bi - Michael Cole is a douche.

Video intercession: Ric Flair and Ken Kennedy
Everyone in the room just reacted to the fact Flair is walking out of the shower. Gross.
Shawn Michaels showed up to be funny.
Br - Yay! Shawn Michaels!
Bi - So gay. So, so gay.
Batista shows up. Triple H shows up.
Bi - No one's bothered by the fact Flair has no pants on.
Triple H just said, put your pants on.
Br - Shawn Michaels is shilling his merchandise. He's been relegated to tthe mid-card comedy act. I'm not sure if that's sad or not

Live Intercession: Maria's kiss-cam
Bi - What did she just say?
Br - I don't know.
Br - This is going to be a beat down. The girl won't kiss the guido guy. Funny.
Bi - Was that Joey Fatone?
Br - Skater guy's girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him. Very emo.
Bi - I bet that was his sister. Oooh! Here comes Ashley. I love her.
Br - Ten bucks says she offers Playboy.

She offers Maria a Playboy shoot.

Br - Called it. HERE COMES SANTINO!!!! Comedy!
Bi - He has a ghost or something with him. What the hell is going on?
Br - Santino is mocking the Yankees, Mets and Rangers. He calls out the fact the Giants are from New Jersey. This guy is bad ass. I hope Osi Umenyiora takes a shit on him.

New York is doing a "Let's Go Giants" chant.

Bi - (Not saying anything, just has his hands in the air and his mouth open)
Br - Santino is fucking hilarious. The thing in a black sheet is getting into the ring. It's a fat guy with a Patriots logo on his stomach and a "19-0" thong.
Bi - I'm uncomfortable.
Br's girlfriend - He has a tramp stamp!
Br - That's what you noticed?

Wrestlemania commercial! It's got Kelly Kelly. Woo hoo

Br - Mike Adamle!!!!
Bi - HA! HA!
Br - He just called him "Jeff Harvey". This makes me happy. He's as bad as Hogan is on American Gladiators. I'm waiting for a "brother" somewhere.

Next Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Champsionship

Promo's RKO first, then Hardy's.

Bi - I really hope hardy comes out on top. I always thought he was a fantastic wrestler
Br - He won't, but i bet he wins it before WrestleMania.

Bi - Holy shit, a guy was wearing a jeff hardy arm thingie's and a half shirt, with his chest painted for Hardy. New Yorkers are effin crazy.

Br - What is goin on right now? They are just rolling around the ring, I can't understand what people are saying.
Bi - Cats and dogs, living together!

Br- Feel the wrath of Orten Tant!

Br - Wow, Hardy just baseball slided orten into the wall, then jumped over the ropes again! Crazy ass!
Bi - RKO looks like he wants to just walk out, I don't know if i would like that.

Br - Do something crazy!
Bi - Don't get hat gun up if you don't use it!
Br - He missed the moonsault! Thats the third fuck up tonight!

RKO! Hardy tried to do that DDT thing, but Orton reversed it to the RKO, and scored a clean pin.

Br - A Clean pin? Thats it?
Bi - Lame. All that build up for that match where Hardy didn't do anything crazy, and Orton didn't cheat to win? That sucks
Br - The Rumble better be bad ass, cuz this PPV has sucked. I'm talking return of Big Show...
Bi - John Cena...
Br - yea, fuck it bring back DDP!
Bi - Self High Five!

Now we get to see the "numbers" promo for the rumble agian. That makes 3 times.

Next Match: The Royal Rumble
Br - Michael Buffer is going to announce the start of the Rumble. How appropriate. AND BORING.

First entrant - The Undertaker
Bi - Wow, they're starting with Taker.
Br - Apparently, he won this last year. There you go.

Second entrant - Shawn Michaels
Bi - Weren't they the last two last year? Interesting start.
Br - Crowd's falling asleep, they need a spark.

And we begin...

The bell rings and the Undertaker assumes a boxing stance and starts advancing towards HBK.

Bi - What the fuck? Taker's a boxer now?

HBK is getting his bell rung and he's hanging on the outside of the ring. Undertaker catches him with a throat lock.

ENTRANCE! Santino Marella

Santino just got super kicked.

Bi - (Laughing) That's fantastic!

ELIMINATION: Santino Marella

Still just Undertaker and HBK...fighting

ENTRANCE! The Great Khali

Br - Represent for the Motherland, dude!
Bi - I hope he gets knocked out immediately

Undertaker starts beating Khali, Khali puts him down with a chop.

Bi - It was just a chop!!! COME ON!

The crowd begins chanting: "You Can't Wrestle!" to the Great Khali. Khali and Taker have each other in a throat lock.

ELIMINATION: The Great Khali

ENTRANCE! Hardcore Holly

Bi - No "Spark Plug", I'm disappointed.

Three wrestlers going at it in the ring.

Bi - The Undertaker is carrying the entire match right now.

Undertaker trying to eliminate HBK, Holly stops him.

ENTRANCE! John Morrison

Morrison attacks Undertaker right away. Morrison is avoiding Undertaker at all costs now. Morrison holds the top rope and flips back to avoid elimination. HBK goes to the top rope, and delivers a flying elbow!

ENTRANCE! Tommy Dreamer

Bi - Dreamer could have been something-
Br - He's way too old and beaten down.

Crowd is chanting something that is not understandable.

ENTRANCE! Batista

Br - They're bringing out all the big guns now

Predictably, spinebusters, clotheslines and irish whips from Batista.

ELIMINATION: Dreamer

Spear from Batista. Really, how in the hell is this guy not being tested positive for steroids? He's like a bad Popeye imitation.

ENTRANCE! Hornswoggle

Big called this one. He's happy to see the leprechaun.

Everyone stops to look at him, and Hornswoggle crawls under the ring. King called him "Horny". Giggle.

ENTRANCE! Chuck Palumbo

No one knows who this is. He looks like small Batista with hair. Six people in the ring, one under it. Morrison and HBK have both done versions of the "grab the top rope and flip back" move.

ENTRANCE! Jamie Noble

Noble has his torso wrapped in bandages and tape. Apparently him and Palumbo have some kind of heat between each other. Who watches Smackdown? Really? Seriously, Big and who else?

ELIMINATION: Jamie Noble

Br - That was quick....and gay

Hornswoggle is still under the ring...

ENTRANCE! CM Punk

CM Punk comes in kicking ass by kneeing everyone in the face. He just got laid the fuck out by Undertaker with a clothesline. HBK looks like he's almost dead. Right on par with his usual performance.

ELIMINATION: Chuck Palumbo

ENTRANCE! Cody Rhodes

Br - Gay. Gay. Gay.

CM Punk almost eliminated by Cody Rhodes. That would make Brown mad.

Bi - "One of these guys is not like the other one"
Br - They're wrestlers, you idiot.

HBK is busted open. I just noticed. Sue me.

ENTRANCE! Umaga

Br's girlfriend - Yay, that guy's fun.
Br - Shut up and get in the kitchen, fix me a turkey pot pie.

ELIMINATION - Hardcore Holly

Umaga is wearing red pants and looks like the Kool-Aid man. Umaga just slammed his ass in Batista's face. Gross.

ENTRANCE! Snitsky

Br - Ugliest man on the planet.
Bi - Gonnorhea!

Snitsky is kicking ass, the world keeps on moving. Rhodes takes a risk, and doesn't eliminate anyone.

ENTRANCE! The Miz

Bi - Please ge waxed, quickly.
Br - Really, who is this guy?

The Miz and Morrison are targeting CM Punk. Batista is fighting HBK. Undertaker and Umaga. Snitsky and Rhodes. Hornswoggle and wires under the ring. Umaga almost gets eliminated.

ENTRANCE! Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin does a crazy move.

ELIMINATION: Shelton Benjamin

Br - Well, that was a nice super kick by HBK.
Bi - So much for my dark horse.

ENTRANCE! Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka

Big and Brown - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Bi - Wow, he's seen better days. I hope he gets eliminated soon.
Br - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Everyone is scared to touch him for fear of killing him. He looks terrible because he's like 100 years old and in HD. God damn.

ENTRANCE! Rowdy Roddy Piper

Bi - What the hell is going on? He looks the same, but he has a gut now.
Br - When did it become 1988 instead of 2008?

Piper is pointing at Snuka. It's Piper versus Snuka! Oh my god! Everyone has stopped fighting to watch these two fight. CM Punk is laughing and Morrison kicked him the gut.

ENTRANCE! Kane

Back to normal, I guess.

ELIMINATION: Piper
ELIMINATION: Snuka

Thank God for Kane. So good of him to eliminate those guys. I'm sure they needed to be wheeled out. Snuka is walking off in disdain. Undertaker sizing up Kane, but turns around to chokeslam HBK

ENTRANCE! Carlito

He immediately spits in Rhodes's face. Carlito does the backstabber on CM Punk. Rhods bulldogs Carlito. Snitsky and Undertaker. Kane and Umaga.

ENTRANCE! Mick Foley

Big called it. Mick Foley has a Snuka shirt on and his Cactus Jack shirt on. Okaaaay. Umaga just does huge Samoan drop on Undertaker.

ENTRANCE! Kennedy

Kennedy got a big pop...that's not supposed to happen, he's a heel. Do I see a face turn in his future? Maybe. Kennedy just destroyed Rhodes with a boot to the face. Kennedy is kicking ass all over the place. Undertaker sits up, Kennedy kicks him in the face. Undertaker grabs Kennedy with a choke hold, and choke slams Kennedy. Undertaker is working on his second wind. The ring is littered with bodies right now.

ENTRANCE! Big Daddy V

ELIMINATION: Snitsky
ELIMINATION: Undertaker
ELIMINATION: Shawn Michaels

Undertaker and HBK and Snitsky are fighting outside of the ring now. HBK is running around the ring, and he gets bumped by a camera. Undertaker just broke a table with Snitsky because he was pissed. STEROIDS! Cody Rhodes does the flip thing.

ENTRANCE! Mark Henry

Hornswoggle crawled out and pulls on Miz's hands

ELIMINATION: The Miz

Hornswoggle crawls back under the ring.

Bi - Big Daddy V is grabbing some dude's taint, that's wrong.

ENTRANCE! Chavo Guerrero

How is this guy a champ? That's not right. CM Punk goes right after Chavo.

ELIMINATION: John Morrison

The amount of guys who are doing the flip back over the rope thing doesn't count. Hornswoggle gets pulled into the ring by Mark Henry. Finlay just runs into the ring with his stick, before the clock. He grabs Hornswoggle and slides back under the ropes with the midget and walks away. I'm not sure if anyone was really eliminated here. I'm so confused. What the hell happened?

Bi - I hate Jonathan Coachman

Finlay was disqualified because he used a stick as a weapon. Okay. What about Hornswoggle?
ENTRANCE! Finlay
ELIMINATION: Finlay

ENTRANCE! Elijah Burke

Batista is outside the ring, but no one knows if he is eliminated or not

ELIMINATION: CM Punk

Batista is not eliminated, he just slid under the rope.

ENTRANCE! Triple H

The new favorite has entered the ring.

ELIMINATION: Cody Rhodes

Triple H is cleaning house.

ELIMINATION: Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Mick Foley
ELIMINATION: Elijah Burke

Chavo and Carlito. Umaga and Kane. Kennedy and Mark Henry. Triple H and everyone. Pedigree from Triple H on Umaga.

FINAL ENTRANCE! John Cena

Big is celebrating. Apparently he healed from a torn pec much faster than expected. This is a HUGE pop from the crowd. No real surprise. Wow. John Cena is back! Forget Triple H as the favorite, Cena is the new favorite.

ELIMINATION: Carlito
ELIMINATION: Chavo
ELIMINATION: Mark Henry

Cena and Triple H are facing off in the middle of the ring. Cena is much smaller, both surgery and less steroids. Cena and Triple H. Punch for punch.

ELIMINATION: Kennedy

Batista is back at it.

ELIMINATION: Umaga
ELIMINATION: Kane

Down to three, Batista, Triple H and Cena. Cena just gave a "Holy Shit" because it's two on one, basically. Batista gives the thumbs down. Cena gives the "you can't see me". Triple H does the DX chop. Fightin' time. Double clothesline from Batista.

Jim Ross: Power! Velocity! Intensity!
Michael Cole: Timing!
Br - What the fuck!?!?

ELIMINATION: Batista

Down to Cena and Triple H. Who's going to Wrestlemania?

Bi - Please don't type that I laughed like a little girl.
Br - I hope that doesn't count.

They're both faces, so it can go either way against Orton. We'd say this is Triple H's guarantee, but the showing up of Cena totally changed things. Storyline works either way.

Trading shots in the middle of the ring. Cena body slams Triple H. Five knuckle shuffle from Cena.

Bi - It still bothers me that he wears jorts.

Triple H counters the F-U. Cena counters the pedigree. Double clothesline, both men are down. Cena tries the FU over the rope. Triple H fights it off. Big DDT From Triple H. Cena fights off an elimination.

ELIMINATION: Triple H

Cena wins the Royal Rumble. Cena will go to Wrestlemania and vie for the championship.

Bi - Cena just pointed to his pec and gave the "okay" sign. Riiight.

Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

Thanks for joining us. See you next week.