Why did we sweep the Nuggets?? Don't you realize what I can do in one more trip to Colorado!?
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!
I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.
Why did we sweep the Nuggets?? Don't you realize what I can do in one more trip to Colorado!?
Why did we sweep the Nuggets?? Don't you realize what I can do in one more trip to Colorado!?
The Gin Soaked Sherpa speaks, on the draft of course
Here at the big and the brown, we love all things sports, fake or real. With that in mind we have no problem moving aside for a moment when someone of fantastic knowledge of a topic wants to put their two cents in.
This is Tioga, the Sherpa of Camping, and his vast understanding of the NFL draft, which is matched only by his hatred of dallascowboys.com "writer," Micky Spagnola. If Big is a draft dork, Tioga is his supervisor at kinko's.
"What have we learned kids?"
Having the Cowboys as your favorite team with Jerry Jones running things is like dating a bi-polar chick; all the highs and lows will leave you a drained emotional wreck, but hopefully the sex will be worth it.
First point in case: "Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade!" - (w/ thong song beat).
I'm on record as saying that I support making a trade when it enhances value; for example, moving up to get CB Mike Jenkins was smart. Moving down to get Julius Jones and Buffalo's 1st next year seemed brilliant at the time; even the deal with Cleveland last year seemed genius until they blew up. But what I really hate is the trade down only to trade back up that seems to always happen; it really reduces if not negates the value gained by trading down. It happened last year when we traded back into the 1st to get LB Anthony Spencer, and this year for CB Orlando Scandrick after moving outta the 3rd and passing on "Z" WR's Manningham and Caldwell, then moving down a couple times in the 4th passing on CB King. We did add picks for next year by trading down; but then in his press confrence immediately after the draft, Jerry stated that the extra picks next year would allow him to maneuver more freely. In other words, next year expect more of the same.
But it doesn't just stop at picks traded; this year he traded players whom were either current, former, or potential starters. With little depth at NT he shipped Ferguson for a 6th rounder. And what did we get with that pick?; not Iowa State NT Ahtyba Rubin; but instead another LB, this one a small college DE who'll have to make the transition and then beat out four 1st round picks, one 2nd, a 4th, and a former Pro Bowler in order to play. We also decided to take our starting ILB and #2 TE that we spent a 2nd on just two years ago and ship them off for a 4th rounder; with that pick, we traded down a couple times and decided to take a #3 RB whom is solid but buried behind a Pro Bowler and a 1st round pick. While the three guys we traded will most likely play alot if not start for Miami this year; the only way we'll hear from our guys is if they happen to accompany Pacman to the Platinum Club. The icing on the cake is that we turned around and spent a 2nd on another TE to replace the backup TE we got a 4th for; perhaps Jerry heard the term addition by subtraction and decided to put it to use.
In a sense it reminds me of how all the psycho girls I've known/dated are always changing/trading/moving things in their life; changing their hair color/style, trading jobs/majors, and moving on from guy to guy with the occasional girl thrown in.
Another way that Jerry's Cowboys remind me of the emotionally and mentally challenged people of the feminine gender, is that they'll make some questionable decisions. Much like a girl who ignores her bills in favor of buying yet another pair of shoes, Jones will ignore the WR and DL deficiencies in his roster for yet another LB. And then when later finally becomes the present; much like the girl who cries for her dad or boyfriend to come help her with the problem she created; Jones will go and spend big $ on a free agent stop gap.
Thanks for the letting me get that outta the way. Here are some mild draft observations for you here:
In the third we traded down and passed on WR Mario Manningham who had 1st round talent but a 4th round personality; the Giants got him and I hope we don't get it rubbed in our face like Moss did. Also in the third we passed on WR Andre Caldwell, a player who was compared to Hines Ward. He would have been almost just like Glenn in that he has speed to compliment Owens and Witten, and he's a gamer who'll do whatever is asked to win.
In the 4th we passed on CB Justin King who is a great athlete, but needs some more refinement. In college he was their best athlete at CB and he even played WR. If we drafted an athlete CB in the 5th that needs refinement, why not get a better athlete in the 4th who can take some snaps on offense and even help the return game.
This year there were several late round Defensive Linemen who fit the 3-4 Dallas runs; unfortunately we didn't draft any of them.
NT Red Bryant - 4th rd @ 121 to Sea
DE Kenny Iwobema - 4th rd @ 116 to Arz
DE Letroy Guion - 5th rd @ 152 to Min
DE DeMario Pressley - 5th rd @ 144 to NO
NT Frank Okam - 5th rd @ 151 to Hou
NT Ahtyba Rubin - 6th rd @ 190 Cle
DE Lionel Dotson - 7th rd @ 245 Mia
However, we did at least pick up DE Marcus Dixon outta Hampton as a free agent. He's 6'4 292 lbs but you should read the bio on this guy though. His senior year in high school was accused of rape by his 15 year old girlfriend and was found guilty of molestation and statutory rape; they sentenced him to 10 years. The supreme court freed him a year later because it was deemed consensual and he went on to go play college football. Wow!
This is Tioga, the Sherpa of Camping, and his vast understanding of the NFL draft, which is matched only by his hatred of dallascowboys.com "writer," Micky Spagnola. If Big is a draft dork, Tioga is his supervisor at kinko's.
"What have we learned kids?"
Having the Cowboys as your favorite team with Jerry Jones running things is like dating a bi-polar chick; all the highs and lows will leave you a drained emotional wreck, but hopefully the sex will be worth it.
First point in case: "Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade!" - (w/ thong song beat).
I'm on record as saying that I support making a trade when it enhances value; for example, moving up to get CB Mike Jenkins was smart. Moving down to get Julius Jones and Buffalo's 1st next year seemed brilliant at the time; even the deal with Cleveland last year seemed genius until they blew up. But what I really hate is the trade down only to trade back up that seems to always happen; it really reduces if not negates the value gained by trading down. It happened last year when we traded back into the 1st to get LB Anthony Spencer, and this year for CB Orlando Scandrick after moving outta the 3rd and passing on "Z" WR's Manningham and Caldwell, then moving down a couple times in the 4th passing on CB King. We did add picks for next year by trading down; but then in his press confrence immediately after the draft, Jerry stated that the extra picks next year would allow him to maneuver more freely. In other words, next year expect more of the same.
But it doesn't just stop at picks traded; this year he traded players whom were either current, former, or potential starters. With little depth at NT he shipped Ferguson for a 6th rounder. And what did we get with that pick?; not Iowa State NT Ahtyba Rubin; but instead another LB, this one a small college DE who'll have to make the transition and then beat out four 1st round picks, one 2nd, a 4th, and a former Pro Bowler in order to play. We also decided to take our starting ILB and #2 TE that we spent a 2nd on just two years ago and ship them off for a 4th rounder; with that pick, we traded down a couple times and decided to take a #3 RB whom is solid but buried behind a Pro Bowler and a 1st round pick. While the three guys we traded will most likely play alot if not start for Miami this year; the only way we'll hear from our guys is if they happen to accompany Pacman to the Platinum Club. The icing on the cake is that we turned around and spent a 2nd on another TE to replace the backup TE we got a 4th for; perhaps Jerry heard the term addition by subtraction and decided to put it to use.
In a sense it reminds me of how all the psycho girls I've known/dated are always changing/trading/moving things in their life; changing their hair color/style, trading jobs/majors, and moving on from guy to guy with the occasional girl thrown in.
Another way that Jerry's Cowboys remind me of the emotionally and mentally challenged people of the feminine gender, is that they'll make some questionable decisions. Much like a girl who ignores her bills in favor of buying yet another pair of shoes, Jones will ignore the WR and DL deficiencies in his roster for yet another LB. And then when later finally becomes the present; much like the girl who cries for her dad or boyfriend to come help her with the problem she created; Jones will go and spend big $ on a free agent stop gap.
Thanks for the letting me get that outta the way. Here are some mild draft observations for you here:
In the third we traded down and passed on WR Mario Manningham who had 1st round talent but a 4th round personality; the Giants got him and I hope we don't get it rubbed in our face like Moss did. Also in the third we passed on WR Andre Caldwell, a player who was compared to Hines Ward. He would have been almost just like Glenn in that he has speed to compliment Owens and Witten, and he's a gamer who'll do whatever is asked to win.
In the 4th we passed on CB Justin King who is a great athlete, but needs some more refinement. In college he was their best athlete at CB and he even played WR. If we drafted an athlete CB in the 5th that needs refinement, why not get a better athlete in the 4th who can take some snaps on offense and even help the return game.
This year there were several late round Defensive Linemen who fit the 3-4 Dallas runs; unfortunately we didn't draft any of them.
NT Red Bryant - 4th rd @ 121 to Sea
DE Kenny Iwobema - 4th rd @ 116 to Arz
DE Letroy Guion - 5th rd @ 152 to Min
DE DeMario Pressley - 5th rd @ 144 to NO
NT Frank Okam - 5th rd @ 151 to Hou
NT Ahtyba Rubin - 6th rd @ 190 Cle
DE Lionel Dotson - 7th rd @ 245 Mia
However, we did at least pick up DE Marcus Dixon outta Hampton as a free agent. He's 6'4 292 lbs but you should read the bio on this guy though. His senior year in high school was accused of rape by his 15 year old girlfriend and was found guilty of molestation and statutory rape; they sentenced him to 10 years. The supreme court freed him a year later because it was deemed consensual and he went on to go play college football. Wow!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Getting to know the new Cowboys: Tashard Choice
MJD over at the Shutdown Corner had this interview with Cowboy draft pick, Tashard Choice from Georgia Tech.
Some choice quotes...
Some choice quotes...
I would want a career were I made the Pro Bowl and had a chance at the Hall of Fame, because I never want to be known as a solid player. I want to be known as a great player. I want to be a champion, but playing football you realize its a team sport and everybody can't be a champion, but that's what drives me.If the name sounds familiar, you might remember hearing/seeing his pre-game pep talk before the Clemson game...(forgive the cheesy "Rudy" music, that's the YouTubers for you)
Most of the time, I'm chillin' at the house with my friends, playing video games or cards. I do go out, and when I do, I go with my friends and teammates and we always have a good time.
I'm very competitive and I hate to lose. I really do.
Drafting the Boys
While my journey into the spirit world took me away this weekend for most sports, I still made it a point to listen to the first two rounds of the NFL draft on the radio. It's funny, we got the ticket during the day, and ESPN radio at night. So I got to hear Norm climax when Dallas picked Jenkins, and then the Shutebag and John Clayton explain the second round.
We are going to start what might a be the first of several draft post with the boys. Here is who we got.
1 22(22) Felix Jones RB ARKANSAS
1 25(25) Mike Jenkins CB SOUTH FLORIDA
2 30(61) Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M
4 23(122) Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH
5 8(143) Orlando Sandrick CB BOISE STATE
6 1(167) Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE
6 players, and we picked up a third next year for trading out of the top of the 4th round. So lets go one by one and tell you a little bit about how these picks are.
Felix Jones RB Arkansas - When the draft started really shaking up around pick 15 or so, I really thought that we would have a shot at drafting Jeff Otah, a big tackle, Mendenhall, a fantastic RB, or Jenkins, the corner we got at 25. To me, Jones was an afterthought that I thought would be there at 28, but Otah went off the board, and here we were at 22, and the boys picked Jones.
At first I was a little pissed, with Mendenhall on the board, i thought you had to go there. After a few days later I am much more OK with this pick. Jones is the perfect complement to MB3. He is a fast, slasher, who likes to catch balls out of the back field and run around the edge, and he has the speed to do both of those things. The thing is that Barber is a much better pass blocker than Jones is so you can't really use him on third downs as a RB, but he gives you the option to flex him out wide and use him a WR. Kinda like how New Orleans trys to use Reggie Bush. I expect this guy to get about 15 touches a game to start out with, 8-11 carries, 3-5 passes, and 3-4 returns on punts.
Mike Jenkins CB South Florida - I can't believe we got this kid at 25. I would have been perfectly OK with taking him at 22, and then get what ever RB we could at 28, but when he fell all the way to 25, and we traded up to get him, that's some good moves. Jenkins could be the best corner in the draft. He isn't as physical as say Henry is, but he can cover man to man with his quickness and should be able to play this season against the slot. He is an extremely versatile player as well, and can jump into the safety slot if need be, and like a trend in this years off season, he can return kicks.
This gives the Cowboys, what might have been the biggest weakness last year, one of the best secondaries in the league. Newman is one of the best in the league, Henry is big and physical with bigger WR's, Jenkins can play the slot and help cover safety, Roy Williams is one of the better run stuffing safety's, and Ken Hamlen has the talent of a pro bowler. All these things and you add what Adam "Pac Man" Jones could bring to the table? Good lord we could have great pass defense this year.
Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M - This is the pick that most people are saying "What the fuck man," about this draft, but I love it. Its not because I've followed the Aggies since I was a kid(dad's alma mater), but because this guys gives something we didn't have last year, receiving options. Last season it was TO, and Witten. Sure a few good games here and there from Crayton, or Fasano, but it really was a 2 man show. HOWEVER, now with the pick up of Bennettt, and Felix Jones, we have some threats in the passing game other than our big boys.
At first it was strange to me too when we traded a TE that we picked in the second round for a 4th rounder, and then took TE in the second. Seams kinda strange. But just like the Felix Jones pick, I really started thinking about it and it made more and more since to me. While Bennett is not a good blocker, at all, He was the second most athletic player on the Aggie team last year. He can use his body (6'5'') to box out smaller defenders and make the catch with his good hands. You know who that sounds like? Antiono Gates. You know where that is useful? The Red Zone.
So with the first day picks the Boys can break huddle on offense with TO, Witten, Bennet, Barber, and Jones, then line up in the gun with TO out wide left, Bennett and Witten on the right side, Jones and Barber in the backfield with Romo. Then Jones can flex out to the left with TO. Who does the LB's and slot corner's guard? If you put the LB on Jones, he can fly right by you, if you put the slot corner on Bennett he can box him out for an easy 8 yard gain. Tony Romo must have been so excited from all this that gave Jessica the ol' Alabama Juice Box sat night.
Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH - Day 2's first pick is a depth pick. Choice is an inside runner that can spell MB3 if he gets hurt this year. Very much a "north-south" guy, who doesn't have breakaway speed, but is much more reliable than Tyson Thompson.
Orlando Scandrick CB BOISE STATE - This was a fantastic pick. Scandrick could have gone as early as the 2nd round, but he fell all the way to the 5th. He is raw and needs work, but he won't be asked to do much other than special teams duty next year.
Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE - Whats up Sunbelt! People say this is a reach, but hell its the 6th round. I don't know much about this guy except he played well against my Mean Green the past 2 years. Don't know if he is big enough for the 3-4 DE or fast enough for the 3-4 OLB. But again, he's a 6th rounder.
All and all this draft was much better 2-3 days later than it was when when I was listening to it. They defiantly filled 3 weaknesses of the team, RB, Secondary, Return guys. So that's a good thing. People are saying they didn't feel the WR need, and while they didn't really get a true WR, Jones and Bennett gives us a fantastic option to let Jason Garrett get all creative with his play calling. The only other thing they didn't really do was use a late pick or two to get some d-tackle depth.
Well now don't I sound like a cowboy homer?
I like the draft, and I liked how they moved. Well done.
We are going to start what might a be the first of several draft post with the boys. Here is who we got.
1 22(22) Felix Jones RB ARKANSAS
1 25(25) Mike Jenkins CB SOUTH FLORIDA
2 30(61) Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M
4 23(122) Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH
5 8(143) Orlando Sandrick CB BOISE STATE
6 1(167) Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE
6 players, and we picked up a third next year for trading out of the top of the 4th round. So lets go one by one and tell you a little bit about how these picks are.
Felix Jones RB Arkansas - When the draft started really shaking up around pick 15 or so, I really thought that we would have a shot at drafting Jeff Otah, a big tackle, Mendenhall, a fantastic RB, or Jenkins, the corner we got at 25. To me, Jones was an afterthought that I thought would be there at 28, but Otah went off the board, and here we were at 22, and the boys picked Jones.
At first I was a little pissed, with Mendenhall on the board, i thought you had to go there. After a few days later I am much more OK with this pick. Jones is the perfect complement to MB3. He is a fast, slasher, who likes to catch balls out of the back field and run around the edge, and he has the speed to do both of those things. The thing is that Barber is a much better pass blocker than Jones is so you can't really use him on third downs as a RB, but he gives you the option to flex him out wide and use him a WR. Kinda like how New Orleans trys to use Reggie Bush. I expect this guy to get about 15 touches a game to start out with, 8-11 carries, 3-5 passes, and 3-4 returns on punts.
Mike Jenkins CB South Florida - I can't believe we got this kid at 25. I would have been perfectly OK with taking him at 22, and then get what ever RB we could at 28, but when he fell all the way to 25, and we traded up to get him, that's some good moves. Jenkins could be the best corner in the draft. He isn't as physical as say Henry is, but he can cover man to man with his quickness and should be able to play this season against the slot. He is an extremely versatile player as well, and can jump into the safety slot if need be, and like a trend in this years off season, he can return kicks.
This gives the Cowboys, what might have been the biggest weakness last year, one of the best secondaries in the league. Newman is one of the best in the league, Henry is big and physical with bigger WR's, Jenkins can play the slot and help cover safety, Roy Williams is one of the better run stuffing safety's, and Ken Hamlen has the talent of a pro bowler. All these things and you add what Adam "Pac Man" Jones could bring to the table? Good lord we could have great pass defense this year.
Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M - This is the pick that most people are saying "What the fuck man," about this draft, but I love it. Its not because I've followed the Aggies since I was a kid(dad's alma mater), but because this guys gives something we didn't have last year, receiving options. Last season it was TO, and Witten. Sure a few good games here and there from Crayton, or Fasano, but it really was a 2 man show. HOWEVER, now with the pick up of Bennettt, and Felix Jones, we have some threats in the passing game other than our big boys.
At first it was strange to me too when we traded a TE that we picked in the second round for a 4th rounder, and then took TE in the second. Seams kinda strange. But just like the Felix Jones pick, I really started thinking about it and it made more and more since to me. While Bennett is not a good blocker, at all, He was the second most athletic player on the Aggie team last year. He can use his body (6'5'') to box out smaller defenders and make the catch with his good hands. You know who that sounds like? Antiono Gates. You know where that is useful? The Red Zone.
So with the first day picks the Boys can break huddle on offense with TO, Witten, Bennet, Barber, and Jones, then line up in the gun with TO out wide left, Bennett and Witten on the right side, Jones and Barber in the backfield with Romo. Then Jones can flex out to the left with TO. Who does the LB's and slot corner's guard? If you put the LB on Jones, he can fly right by you, if you put the slot corner on Bennett he can box him out for an easy 8 yard gain. Tony Romo must have been so excited from all this that gave Jessica the ol' Alabama Juice Box sat night.
Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH - Day 2's first pick is a depth pick. Choice is an inside runner that can spell MB3 if he gets hurt this year. Very much a "north-south" guy, who doesn't have breakaway speed, but is much more reliable than Tyson Thompson.
Orlando Scandrick CB BOISE STATE - This was a fantastic pick. Scandrick could have gone as early as the 2nd round, but he fell all the way to the 5th. He is raw and needs work, but he won't be asked to do much other than special teams duty next year.
Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE - Whats up Sunbelt! People say this is a reach, but hell its the 6th round. I don't know much about this guy except he played well against my Mean Green the past 2 years. Don't know if he is big enough for the 3-4 DE or fast enough for the 3-4 OLB. But again, he's a 6th rounder.
All and all this draft was much better 2-3 days later than it was when when I was listening to it. They defiantly filled 3 weaknesses of the team, RB, Secondary, Return guys. So that's a good thing. People are saying they didn't feel the WR need, and while they didn't really get a true WR, Jones and Bennett gives us a fantastic option to let Jason Garrett get all creative with his play calling. The only other thing they didn't really do was use a late pick or two to get some d-tackle depth.
Well now don't I sound like a cowboy homer?
I like the draft, and I liked how they moved. Well done.
Do it now, Cuban.
No, I'm not saying I'm going to accept 20-30 win seasons. What I'm saying is, this isn't going to work anymore.
You took a flyer on Jason Kidd, and it's safe to say that it isn't going to work.
Josh Howard can not be the second option on this team. Period. Neither can Jason Terry.
Jerry Stackhouse can't be relied on as the energy off the bench. It's not 2001 anymore.
As much as an Avery fan that I am, I just don't think he can do anymore here. He will be a successful coach elsewhere, just not here.
This isn't my losing faith in this team. This is me saying the season is over, and it's time to reevaluate. I already broke down what Donnie Nelson has done as GM. Maybe it's time to get rid of him too.
Something needs to change, because this squad just isn't getting it done. Kind of like Nellie's running with Dirk, Nash and Fin, this squad is great to watch, but is never going to do it. Players can be had and moves can be made.
As far as I'm concerned, listen to ALL OFFERS this off season. No one is protected. Actual fans will understand.
Draft quick hits
So, I had the duties on this blog of following the draft this weekend as Big was off on another soul-quest with his peyote and gin soaked Sherpa to guide him. However, I was jet lagged as possible and I know I missed a good portion of the draft while passed out on a couch.
Here's some buck shot for you on the draft:
Here's some buck shot for you on the draft:
- The interwebs and the information age has taken quite a bit away from the draft. It's great to know that the Dolphins already had a deal in place for Jake Long, but with a draft that had any of 5 guys as "possibly" the first pick, I'd like some suspense.
- Looking at what he did in New York, New England, New York and Dallas...I'd say Parcells knows what he's doing.
- Darren McFadden makes the Raiders the most gangsta ass team in the world: Jam Jam, DMC, DeAngelo Hall, Huggy Bear's kid,
- Matt Ryan, get ready for a Griese-esque career...Brian, that is. How does it feel knowing a team didn't draft you to be a leader, but to get the Mike Vick taste out of their mouths? All of Atlanta is going to hate him because he's a white guy "stealing" the job of their star black quarterback. That's just plain fact, ask Bear, he spends enough time in Atlanta.
- Two teams always confuse me: How do the Titans never draft receiver help for Young? How do the Bear never draft a quarterback?
- Washington committed robbery getting Devin Thomas AND Malcom Kelly.
- Martellus Bennett? I thought we traded Fasano because he didn't do shit. Why waste a 2nd rounder AGAIN!?
- Jamaal Charles is a great change of pace back with Larry Johnson. Matter of fact, KC might have had the best draft of all.
- Tom Zbikowski to the Ravens. I hate Notre Dame, but that was a GREAT pick to make.
- You'll see Brian Brohm starting for the Packers by Christmas.
- Hawaii is going to be awash in Maroon and Gold simply because they drafted Brennan.
- Was Tommy Blake a little too Demetrius Underwood for anyone to take a flyer on him?
- No real receiver threat for the Cowboys? Arizona picked up Early Doucet, watch for them to want to move Boldin.
Holy Crap
Man, this was one hell of a weekend.
First, The Mav's responded to Brown and I's plea's, and won a game Friday, but then reverted back to their old ways, and fell in game 4
The Dallas Stars won not not once,but twice!
There was a WWE PPV on sunday
Of course the NFL Draft, the best non game sports day(?) of the year, was fun.
All of this happened while I was getting drunk, stairing at college girls in skirts and boots, cooking over an open fire, and listing to the best Texas country music the world has to offer. That's right from Thursday to Sunday I was at the Larry Joe Taylor music fest.
This is alot of stuff to talk about, and my head is about to explode with everything I want to say. I don't know where I'll start, but expect much more from this non spelling, still hung over sumbitch today. 
First, The Mav's responded to Brown and I's plea's, and won a game Friday, but then reverted back to their old ways, and fell in game 4
The Dallas Stars won not not once,but twice!
There was a WWE PPV on sunday
Of course the NFL Draft, the best non game sports day(?) of the year, was fun.
All of this happened while I was getting drunk, stairing at college girls in skirts and boots, cooking over an open fire, and listing to the best Texas country music the world has to offer. That's right from Thursday to Sunday I was at the Larry Joe Taylor music fest.
This is alot of stuff to talk about, and my head is about to explode with everything I want to say. I don't know where I'll start, but expect much more from this non spelling, still hung over sumbitch today.
Well till i get to it all, here is the type of girl I got to look at all weekend long.
Yeehaw.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I blame T-Mac for everything too
Hat tip: The FanHouse
Apparently, T-Mac is cheekily accepting blame for everything that is going wrong with the series.
Obviously, he's tired of getting blamed for not getting out of the first round because he's the superstar. Fair enough, he could be as pissed off as Dirk.
I just wonder what the boys over at Dream Shake think about Fan House saying it's the team missing Rafer Alston. They love that guy.
Apparently, T-Mac is cheekily accepting blame for everything that is going wrong with the series.
"It's my fault," McGrady said. "It's my fault we missed free throws. It's my fault we lost both games. Blame me. It's my fault we fouled to tie the game up. That's my fault. It's my fault they get easy layups. It's my fault we're not executing well on the offensive end. It's my fault a couple people in the stands ordered Heinekens and they got Budweiser. It's my fault. I'm sorry."
Obviously, he's tired of getting blamed for not getting out of the first round because he's the superstar. Fair enough, he could be as pissed off as Dirk.
I just wonder what the boys over at Dream Shake think about Fan House saying it's the team missing Rafer Alston. They love that guy.
Can you even buy stock in strip clubs?
If so, I'd like to buy 1,000 shares in Platinum II off of Northwest Highway. Why Platinum II? Well, let's just say that based on a visit a few weeks ago, it's the type of place the man above (not Mike Tenay) will probably be visiting.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
German translation for "What the fuck!?"
Really guys, what the fuck do you want from me?
Last night was a thorough ass kicking, like when we stomped all over Poland!
Since when did I get put on the Auschwitz basketball team!?!?!
I mean, shit, how is it that Nash at age 54 can still play basketball, but all you crazy gypsy Jews forgot how to run down the goddamn court!
JET, Kidd, Stack, Josh and Damp? More like Shmuel, Saul, Yentil, Herschel and Efraim!
I can't take it anymore, Bass is the only one I'd think was a good German like me, but it turns out he's black!!
I can't take it anymore! The Owner, The Commissioner! ALL JEWS!!
Did Detlef and Uwe have to put up with this!?!?
Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer!!!!
Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!!!!!
AHHHHH!!!
Game 2
I've been staring at this black screen trying to come up with something to write, but I just don't know if i have it in me. I love the Dallas Mavericks. I have since I was a wee little boy. When Starter pullover jackets where the shit, and it must be noted that I lived in a town north of Austin, Everybody had one. There were plenty of Cowboys, Lakers, Rockets, Yankee's, and Red Wings ones, but I had a Dallas Stars, and a Dallas Mavericks. While my love for hockey has faded quite a bit as I have grown, my love for the Mav's have always been there.
We didn't get alot of Mav's basketball where I grew up. Mostly because they sucked, and FoxSports Southwest wasn't quite running yet. But I still followed them in the paper with box scores, played as the Mav's when I played NBA Live and NBA Jam. I loved me some triple J's, and truly thought that was the beginning of a dynasty. One of the better surprises when I came up here for college was the ability to watch EVERY SINGLE Mav's game on TV. It was great. Watching Calvin Booth put that offensive rebound back in to beat Utah in the first round of the playoffs was the single most excited I have ever been watching a sport at the time, and now it's still in my top 10.
When the Mav's got good, and I became analcoholic Drinker, I watched the Mav's and Spurs series at my bar with friends of both teams, and that was some of my fondest memories of college.
It's all those things that make me hate what I see when I turn on the Mav's right now. It's not that their losing, I can take that. Its that it just doesn't seem to matter to them anymore. They play scared, they shoot too many jump shots for fear of getting hurt in the lane, they don't look like they are even trying to get rebounds.
Its like if you thought your boss was the perfect man. He could do no wrong. He didn't always win the battles he fought, but damnit he did his best and he made you proud to be a part of his company. Then one day, corporate comes in and tells your boss that he has to fire his best employee. Without as much as a "why?" he just does it. You lose all respect for your boss then right?
This is what the Mavericks have done to me. I have put so much faith in them over the years to have them put up sorry ass games like they have over the past few years. Where you at, Jason Kidd? Where you at, Josh Howard? Is your pride not hurt? Are you so scared of failing that you don't even want to TRY anymore?
I'm not saying that everybody on this team is awfull, they just don't have any heart. Dirk's play over the past 3 months has been fantastic, but I think this team stopped looking to him after last years series vs the Warriors. The front office thought maybe Jason Kidd would bring heart, but that hasn't worked. I don't know what it will take, but something has to change.
So look down Mav's, see that you still have a pair. I don't give a damn if you lose, just go down swinging.
We didn't get alot of Mav's basketball where I grew up. Mostly because they sucked, and FoxSports Southwest wasn't quite running yet. But I still followed them in the paper with box scores, played as the Mav's when I played NBA Live and NBA Jam. I loved me some triple J's, and truly thought that was the beginning of a dynasty. One of the better surprises when I came up here for college was the ability to watch EVERY SINGLE Mav's game on TV. It was great. Watching Calvin Booth put that offensive rebound back in to beat Utah in the first round of the playoffs was the single most excited I have ever been watching a sport at the time, and now it's still in my top 10.
When the Mav's got good, and I became an
It's all those things that make me hate what I see when I turn on the Mav's right now. It's not that their losing, I can take that. Its that it just doesn't seem to matter to them anymore. They play scared, they shoot too many jump shots for fear of getting hurt in the lane, they don't look like they are even trying to get rebounds.
Its like if you thought your boss was the perfect man. He could do no wrong. He didn't always win the battles he fought, but damnit he did his best and he made you proud to be a part of his company. Then one day, corporate comes in and tells your boss that he has to fire his best employee. Without as much as a "why?" he just does it. You lose all respect for your boss then right?
This is what the Mavericks have done to me. I have put so much faith in them over the years to have them put up sorry ass games like they have over the past few years. Where you at, Jason Kidd? Where you at, Josh Howard? Is your pride not hurt? Are you so scared of failing that you don't even want to TRY anymore?
I'm not saying that everybody on this team is awfull, they just don't have any heart. Dirk's play over the past 3 months has been fantastic, but I think this team stopped looking to him after last years series vs the Warriors. The front office thought maybe Jason Kidd would bring heart, but that hasn't worked. I don't know what it will take, but something has to change.
So look down Mav's, see that you still have a pair. I don't give a damn if you lose, just go down swinging.
Uh, Oh.
Looks like something very bad happened yesterday. A Bear killed his trainer. This bear, Rocky, was the one from Semi-Pro with Will Ferrell. Ferrell "wrestled" the bear in the movie for a publicity stunt. I contacted our very own Bear for a comment and this is what he said.
"Don't fuck with an angry bear!"
I doubt any truer words have ever been said.El Blogadore takes on the White House
This is an election year, lots of debate has gone on. The GOP has picked their man and the Democrats are locked between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. What better way to get more Americans to vote than to show up on RAW. McCain, Clinton, and Obama had recorded messages (I wanted to say pre-recorded but I think that is redundant). Hillary's was boring, Barack's highlight was the line "Do you smell what Barack is cooking", and McCain just threw phrases left and right. He used "To be the man, you gotta beat the man", "whatcha gonna when the McCainiacs run wild on you", and "Game over". They there was a match between a fake Hillary and fake Obama. No, it was not Molly Holly and 2 Cold Scorpio/Flash Funk.
Big gave me the idea to create a list (because people love lists) of Presidents who would have also been good performers in the world of sports entertainment.
5. Ronald Reagan.
Coming from a background in acting he fits in perfectly with wrestling. He even has his own valet in Nancy Reagan. They come to the ring with the classic good guy gimmick of saying no to drugs, saying your prayers, and poor people are bad. Double R could spin this into being a face or a heel, kind of a more friendly JBL.
4. Grover Cleveland.
Back-to-back champion. Oh wait, someone else well get the title and then he'll get it back. Kind of like winning the PPV and then losing it on RAW only to get it back at Saturday Nights Main Event.
Took a break while working on this, watched some ECW. I miss Joey Styles, Mike Adamle is horrible. When Taz is doing your play-by-play you're in trouble. Another observation- I would watch a Kofi Kingston/Shelton Benjamin match every week. Those two are incredible.
3. JFK.
1. "Honest" Abe Lincoln.
At 6'4" and his good guy image he's the perfect face for America to get behind. He also had an extensive wrestling career in real life (Credit to "The Unreal Story of Professional Wrestling" on A&E). He had some 300 matches before getting too busy with running a country and freeing slaves. He's wiry, too. I envision him in the ring performing kind of like Orton or Edge.
There you have it folks. Your undisputed Presidential Wrestling Alliance Champion- Abraham Lincoln. We re-visit the rankings as we get closer to election time.
Big gave me the idea to create a list (because people love lists) of Presidents who would have also been good performers in the world of sports entertainment.
5. Ronald Reagan.
Coming from a background in acting he fits in perfectly with wrestling. He even has his own valet in Nancy Reagan. They come to the ring with the classic good guy gimmick of saying no to drugs, saying your prayers, and poor people are bad. Double R could spin this into being a face or a heel, kind of a more friendly JBL.4. Grover Cleveland.
Back-to-back champion. Oh wait, someone else well get the title and then he'll get it back. Kind of like winning the PPV and then losing it on RAW only to get it back at Saturday Nights Main Event.Took a break while working on this, watched some ECW. I miss Joey Styles, Mike Adamle is horrible. When Taz is doing your play-by-play you're in trouble. Another observation- I would watch a Kofi Kingston/Shelton Benjamin match every week. Those two are incredible.
3. JFK.
He is the Ric Flair of the Presidents. He had his posse that acted as the interchangable Four Horseman. He was stylin' and profilin' and bangin' celebrities.
Side note. The Presidential Four Horseman would've been:
JFK
LBJ
RFK
Arthur Goldberg
2. LBJ.
After stepping out of the shadow of JFK and going on his own LBJ's no nonsense country boy attitude puts him in the Stone Cold persona. He was the second tallest president at 6'3" and he was country big. He's taking names and giving great quotes. Can you picture LBJ 6:35 signs in the crowd at his innaguration? How about a stunner to Castro and the rest of Commies.Side note. The Presidential Four Horseman would've been:
JFK
LBJ
RFK
Arthur Goldberg
2. LBJ.
1. "Honest" Abe Lincoln.
At 6'4" and his good guy image he's the perfect face for America to get behind. He also had an extensive wrestling career in real life (Credit to "The Unreal Story of Professional Wrestling" on A&E). He had some 300 matches before getting too busy with running a country and freeing slaves. He's wiry, too. I envision him in the ring performing kind of like Orton or Edge.There you have it folks. Your undisputed Presidential Wrestling Alliance Champion- Abraham Lincoln. We re-visit the rankings as we get closer to election time.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
just seemed like it should be viewed
I love the afro, I even had a white guy one for a while. 
i dig the perfecto.
The other football
We here at the big and the brown like to think of all sports, real and not real. We are both fans of soccer or "football," but we really only follow it when it gets really good. Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq the Third is back, and he's talkin' futball. All questions can be sent to our email, if you want to ask Art any questions. (try and read with a british accent, makes it more enjoyable)
Wednesday, April 23rd, in the year of our lord, 2008; The Manchester United Football club will face off against the slick latin squad, Barcelona F.C. This indeed will be a match to remember, both teams are clamoring for the top spot in their domestic leagues and both clubs have been reserving themselves for this Champions League clash at the camp nou.
If you have ESPN2 and perhaps a DVR? You should reserve a little space for this game, grab a few beers and see what all the fuss is about. Trust me, I watch a lot of football from all over the world, these two teams are almost mirror images of each other, with very deep squads. High level teams tend to play up to the level of their opponent, and this tournament stands to gain each team a ton of prestige and money. For Manchester United rests the ability to continue their claim as one of the best squads in history, for Barcelona (hardly an underdog, mind you) to shut everyone up about it.
Just to give you more context to this game; the Champions League tournament is a separate competition consisting of the top teams from domestic leagues around Europe. Best of the best. Imagine the Dallas Mavs facing off with Detroit one night and then playing Boca Juniors later in the week for some sort of badass trophy. But the tourney goes on for weeks during your regular season play. These kinds of competitions really test the players and managers alike. To compensate, the UCL is one of the most lucrative contests, consider this; teams receive a 3 million euro bonus to start, teams receive a bonus no matter the result, win lose or draw at every level up to the finals. 7 million to the winners, that's about $14 million american dollars give or take, not a bad haul.
If you have ESPN2 and perhaps a DVR? You should reserve a little space for this game, grab a few beers and see what all the fuss is about. Trust me, I watch a lot of football from all over the world, these two teams are almost mirror images of each other, with very deep squads. High level teams tend to play up to the level of their opponent, and this tournament stands to gain each team a ton of prestige and money. For Manchester United rests the ability to continue their claim as one of the best squads in history, for Barcelona (hardly an underdog, mind you) to shut everyone up about it.
Just to give you more context to this game; the Champions League tournament is a separate competition consisting of the top teams from domestic leagues around Europe. Best of the best. Imagine the Dallas Mavs facing off with Detroit one night and then playing Boca Juniors later in the week for some sort of badass trophy. But the tourney goes on for weeks during your regular season play. These kinds of competitions really test the players and managers alike. To compensate, the UCL is one of the most lucrative contests, consider this; teams receive a 3 million euro bonus to start, teams receive a bonus no matter the result, win lose or draw at every level up to the finals. 7 million to the winners, that's about $14 million american dollars give or take, not a bad haul.
More greatness from you tube
This made me pee a little bit. Its Rangers vs. Boston, and some "lucky" fan caught a foul tip. Just watch for the awesome comedy.
At least he didn't drop his beer, cuz that would be wicked gay.
At least he didn't drop his beer, cuz that would be wicked gay.
Coolest moment ever in UFC
Now, I am a semi UFC/MMA fan. I like to watch it and I know a little bit about what goes down. I now have a new favorite fighter, Nate Quarry. He fought some douche bag guy from Canada named Starnes at last weeks UCF 83. Here is a tribute video to Starnes who just runs away. Why is Quarry my fav? Watch until the end and you will find out.
Just like Rocky ended the cold war, I think we can now all get along with Canada.
H.T. Fanhouse
Just like Rocky ended the cold war, I think we can now all get along with Canada.
H.T. Fanhouse
Monday, April 21, 2008
OMG, THE MAV'S LOST, HOW IN THE HELL
Maybe we all need to tap the breaks a second. Going into this year, the expectations for the Mav's were high. I mean come on, 2 years ago they should have the NBA championship, and last year they won 67 games and were the number one seed in the west. We should expect a good year from this team, right?
That's not really what we got. All year long, Dallas played like a pretty good, but not great team. With hot spurts where they could beat anybody, and low times where the average teams in the NBA gave us trouble.
So what if that's what we really are? A good, but not great team? We have a superstar in Dirk. We have a great court general in Kidd. After that? ehhhhh.
Josh Howard was going to be this teams number 2 guy, but while in role for over 2 years now, he has steady gotten more and more mentally unstable to handle it. Josh Howard is at his best when he isn't expected to do anything on the offensive side of the ball. When he can just move through traffic, get an open look here and there, and grab rebounds. Running an ISO for him on the wing takes hims out of that role as "disruptor."
Jason Terry is "tweener." Who isn't big enough to play the 2, but doesn't have the ball handling skills to play the point for 40 min.
And then, there is Jerry Stackhouse. He was the balls of this team when we made our run to the finals a few short years ago. He was one of the only players who had no problem taking it to the rim and getting fouled. Now? His age and constant injury's have slowed him to a point to where now he can only give you a good game one out of five.
Damp, Bass, and Lou all have roles on this team that they fill well. But as for everybody else? Garbage. So this is your team.
PG - Kidd, great general, needs people to move around him to be at his best.
SG - Jason Terry, Undersized, can't play defense against bigger guards, is a streak shooter
SF - Josh Howard, 2nd best player on the team that needs a role where he is 3rd or 4th.
PF - Dirk, nothing is wrong with him at all.
C - Damp, when not in foul trouble, is a solid center who plays a decent role.
Bench - Bass, great energy smallish big guy
Lou - Nice back up point
Stack - One out of five games, when he is hot, you can count a good game. Other than that, not very good at all.
Edddie Jones - Old and sucks.
Juan Howard - Old and sucks.
Devon George - If he played 5 min a game, might be worth it, but 25? old and sucks
JJ - young and sucks
Malik Allen - average big
Antoine Wright - young, raw.
Coach - Avery Johnson. Thought it was a good idea to play, at one point in the first game, Juan Howard, Devon George, and Eddie Jones at the same time. His style of coaching, both how he leads and the plays he calls, don't match this team at all.
That's our team. That's all they are. A good, but not great team. Its no surprise that they are a 7 seed. It shouldn't be a surprise that a 2 seed beat us. Now can we get hot for a couple of game and win? You bet your sweet ass. When we get hot, and shots fall for dirk and terry and howard, and J-Kidd can run the fast break, and Damp keeps his head in the game, we can beat ANYBODY. But what makes a team great isn't how you play when you get hot, its how you play when your cold. And this team is TERRIBLE when they are cold.
Don't get me wrong, Mav's still win in 3.
That's not really what we got. All year long, Dallas played like a pretty good, but not great team. With hot spurts where they could beat anybody, and low times where the average teams in the NBA gave us trouble.
So what if that's what we really are? A good, but not great team? We have a superstar in Dirk. We have a great court general in Kidd. After that? ehhhhh.
Josh Howard was going to be this teams number 2 guy, but while in role for over 2 years now, he has steady gotten more and more mentally unstable to handle it. Josh Howard is at his best when he isn't expected to do anything on the offensive side of the ball. When he can just move through traffic, get an open look here and there, and grab rebounds. Running an ISO for him on the wing takes hims out of that role as "disruptor."
Jason Terry is "tweener." Who isn't big enough to play the 2, but doesn't have the ball handling skills to play the point for 40 min.
And then, there is Jerry Stackhouse. He was the balls of this team when we made our run to the finals a few short years ago. He was one of the only players who had no problem taking it to the rim and getting fouled. Now? His age and constant injury's have slowed him to a point to where now he can only give you a good game one out of five.
Damp, Bass, and Lou all have roles on this team that they fill well. But as for everybody else? Garbage. So this is your team.
PG - Kidd, great general, needs people to move around him to be at his best.
SG - Jason Terry, Undersized, can't play defense against bigger guards, is a streak shooter
SF - Josh Howard, 2nd best player on the team that needs a role where he is 3rd or 4th.
PF - Dirk, nothing is wrong with him at all.
C - Damp, when not in foul trouble, is a solid center who plays a decent role.
Bench - Bass, great energy smallish big guy
Lou - Nice back up point
Stack - One out of five games, when he is hot, you can count a good game. Other than that, not very good at all.
Edddie Jones - Old and sucks.
Juan Howard - Old and sucks.
Devon George - If he played 5 min a game, might be worth it, but 25? old and sucks
JJ - young and sucks
Malik Allen - average big
Antoine Wright - young, raw.
Coach - Avery Johnson. Thought it was a good idea to play, at one point in the first game, Juan Howard, Devon George, and Eddie Jones at the same time. His style of coaching, both how he leads and the plays he calls, don't match this team at all.
That's our team. That's all they are. A good, but not great team. Its no surprise that they are a 7 seed. It shouldn't be a surprise that a 2 seed beat us. Now can we get hot for a couple of game and win? You bet your sweet ass. When we get hot, and shots fall for dirk and terry and howard, and J-Kidd can run the fast break, and Damp keeps his head in the game, we can beat ANYBODY. But what makes a team great isn't how you play when you get hot, its how you play when your cold. And this team is TERRIBLE when they are cold.
Don't get me wrong, Mav's still win in 3.
The 2nd Turnbuckle
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
By the way. He's mad at you, and just like his 80's hero's twisted sister, He's not going to take it.
Well folks. We apparently have to uphold some sort of standard, and fit into a niche in blogging. We can't try to be too funny, and we have to try and be sportsy. My apologies to the critics. To make up for it I will do a fantasy season for the Rangers, game by game. Much like Big did when the Cowboys season came out or when Norm does a fantasy call of kids racing at the park.
Not really, I don't care what people say, it does kind of suck when half the people who read the blog are unhappy.
Before I get into the squared-circle, I would like to point out to the Mavs fans that DJ Moose MBenga Click Click will probably get a ring before Dirk or Jet. He will have done nothing to earn it other than sit at the end of the bench with Chris Mihm (hey what's up, Brown?), but it's a nice bench to sit on. Just let The Mamba, The Spanard, and Bill Walton's kid do the work and next thing you know you're a champ.
Ok, wrestling. Couple of quick hits.
Good Ol' JR wrote in his blog about Mike Adamle being brought in to take his place eventually. Adamle has already started doing ECW. He's no good. I hope WWE doesn't give any thought to it. USA and NBC are a part of Universal, send Adamle back to American Gladiators and put Hogan back in the WWE in some fashion. Make things right with the world.
He is coming back. He is facing Orlando Jordan (JBL's washed up sidekick when JBL was working) on June 25th in Germany. He will be bringing all the spirits and forces needed to get him the victory. He will call on the power of all the little warriors. That's right Ultimate Warrior is back. He's doing a show in Europe for a company over there. Apparently not many people were interested in motivational speaking from Jim Hellwig.
Here's a little list I've compiled of guys that you probably were not wondering about, but I can confirm they are not dead. My extensive research of Lucha de Vuelte and AAA on the spanish channels has proven these guys still exist.
Ultimo Dragon
Juventud Guerrera
Super Porky
La Parka
Villanos IV and V
Konnan
X-Pac
The Patriot
Everyone can rest now. Hope that was SPORTS enough for you and wasn't too funny.
By the way. He's mad at you, and just like his 80's hero's twisted sister, He's not going to take it.
Well folks. We apparently have to uphold some sort of standard, and fit into a niche in blogging. We can't try to be too funny, and we have to try and be sportsy. My apologies to the critics. To make up for it I will do a fantasy season for the Rangers, game by game. Much like Big did when the Cowboys season came out or when Norm does a fantasy call of kids racing at the park.
Not really, I don't care what people say, it does kind of suck when half the people who read the blog are unhappy.
Before I get into the squared-circle, I would like to point out to the Mavs fans that DJ Moose MBenga Click Click will probably get a ring before Dirk or Jet. He will have done nothing to earn it other than sit at the end of the bench with Chris Mihm (hey what's up, Brown?), but it's a nice bench to sit on. Just let The Mamba, The Spanard, and Bill Walton's kid do the work and next thing you know you're a champ.
Ok, wrestling. Couple of quick hits.
Good Ol' JR wrote in his blog about Mike Adamle being brought in to take his place eventually. Adamle has already started doing ECW. He's no good. I hope WWE doesn't give any thought to it. USA and NBC are a part of Universal, send Adamle back to American Gladiators and put Hogan back in the WWE in some fashion. Make things right with the world.
He is coming back. He is facing Orlando Jordan (JBL's washed up sidekick when JBL was working) on June 25th in Germany. He will be bringing all the spirits and forces needed to get him the victory. He will call on the power of all the little warriors. That's right Ultimate Warrior is back. He's doing a show in Europe for a company over there. Apparently not many people were interested in motivational speaking from Jim Hellwig.
Here's a little list I've compiled of guys that you probably were not wondering about, but I can confirm they are not dead. My extensive research of Lucha de Vuelte and AAA on the spanish channels has proven these guys still exist.
Ultimo Dragon
Juventud Guerrera
Super Porky
La Parka
Villanos IV and V
Konnan
X-Pac
The Patriot
Everyone can rest now. Hope that was SPORTS enough for you and wasn't too funny.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Not fit for bagel consumption
So, if you haven't guessed as much from some of my past ramblings, I tend to travel a lot for work. I'd like to think I work in airports and hotel rooms the same way Picasso worked in his studio.
Normally, my trips are a single week and I immerse myself in local grub or fast food type eateries.
However, when I'm on a particularly long stretch, I will drive to the local grocery store and pick up some basic items to eat in the room, mostly breakfasty in nature with the snack food thrown in as well. One of these staples is a pack of bagels and regular cream cheese.
(Be patient, dick nose, I'm getting to the point of this post.)
I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow the cream cheese revolution occurred and no one told me. Gone are the days where you can confidently pick up a container of "Philadelphia REGULAR Cream Cheese" Oh no, now you've got "Regular Strawberry" versus "Low Fat Strawberry" or "Honey Nut" or other fruitful flavors that are often just trying to mimick the mixture of cream cheese and jelly/jam.
Fine, I get it. Me personally? I'm a fan of the plain old cream cheese. So when I see a container that says "REGULAR" and, at first glance, has no distinct color pattern to suggest otherwise, I throw it in the cart, pay and go home.
Upon unpacking my groceries, imagine my surprise when seeing this:
That's right: SALMON FLAVORED CREAM CHEESE.
I don't know how to photoshop, so trust me, that's the real deal.
If you're curious, it's the grossest tasting shit you can imagine. It's like spreading bacon fat on a blueberry bagel...only not as tasty as that might sound.
And before you ass holes say it, that's like the second time I've ever used my digital camera. I was a business major, not a fucking photographer.
Normally, my trips are a single week and I immerse myself in local grub or fast food type eateries.
However, when I'm on a particularly long stretch, I will drive to the local grocery store and pick up some basic items to eat in the room, mostly breakfasty in nature with the snack food thrown in as well. One of these staples is a pack of bagels and regular cream cheese.
(Be patient, dick nose, I'm getting to the point of this post.)
I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow the cream cheese revolution occurred and no one told me. Gone are the days where you can confidently pick up a container of "Philadelphia REGULAR Cream Cheese" Oh no, now you've got "Regular Strawberry" versus "Low Fat Strawberry" or "Honey Nut" or other fruitful flavors that are often just trying to mimick the mixture of cream cheese and jelly/jam.
Fine, I get it. Me personally? I'm a fan of the plain old cream cheese. So when I see a container that says "REGULAR" and, at first glance, has no distinct color pattern to suggest otherwise, I throw it in the cart, pay and go home.
Upon unpacking my groceries, imagine my surprise when seeing this:
That's right: SALMON FLAVORED CREAM CHEESE.
I don't know how to photoshop, so trust me, that's the real deal.
If you're curious, it's the grossest tasting shit you can imagine. It's like spreading bacon fat on a blueberry bagel...only not as tasty as that might sound.
And before you ass holes say it, that's like the second time I've ever used my digital camera. I was a business major, not a fucking photographer.
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