I'm a big video game fan. I'll wait for that to sink in. Now that you have gathered yourself from the shocking news that me, an out of shape, wrestling loving, single guy in his mid 20's likes video games, I'll move on. One of the coolest things to come with sports video games over the last 8 years in the Dynasty mode. It allows you to try and rebuild your favorite teams, sim games, and kinda see how you would fair as a GM. I know me winning 7 straight Superbowl's with my teams doesn't make me the best GM not to have a job, but its still fun to try and rock some trades.
All that tirade aside, over the last week or so, there have been several trade rumors pop up for my teams here in my fair berg, Dallas. Lets start with the most recent.
Brown alluded to it today, Jason Kidd isn't happy in New Jersey. Every year since I have been in Dallas, at some point during the season there is a Jason Kidd back to Dallas trade rumor. The NBA has a lot different things to look at when you talk trade, mainly is the salary's. Here is the two trades that involve the Mavs that have been floated out there.
Dallas
Jason Kidd
New Jersey
PG Jason Terry, SG Jerry Stackhouse, C DeSagana Diop
Bad trade. Dallas would be giving up 3 players that make a big difference in their line up, for a mid 30's PG who has maybe 2 years of bad ass b-ball left. New Jersey is getting a shoot first point who is 30, a bench scorer, and an up and down center. Neither team really wins here. The only way Dallas should do this is if they really feel they can win the west with this team, which I don't think they can with no center depth, no legit starting 2, and even WORSE shooting with their starting five. The only good thing with this trade is you get to keep Devin Harris and bring him off the bench as an energy guy.
Here is Kidd trade number 2. It involves Kidd to Dallas, and Harris to Portland, and them some spares to NJ. I can't seem to find a way to make it work out with the trade machine, but its out there.
This is one that is better for the Mavs. They give up a potential star PG for a legit superstar PG. They give up a guy who could be great over the next 7-10 years, for a guy who IS greatness for the next 2. The biggest problem is that you are give a very young, very talented team in Portland another puzzle piece, that could come back to haunt you for the next 10 years.
NEXT!
Now we move on to some Cowboy love.
There are 2 trade that are floating out there that we should address. One is a no brainer, the other one that will make you think. First the no brainer.
The Detroit Lions are scared that they have too many WR's (quit drafting them in the first round jack ass), so then WR Roy Williams won't resign with them after next year. So he is on the trading block, and supposedly all they want is a 2nd round draft pick for him.
For the life of me, I can't find a team that is in the NFL that wouldn't make that deal. I'm not saying that Roy is Randy Moss or anything, but he is a great WR that is young, and could become great. If I were running the Cowboys, I wouldn't get off the phone until that dofus of a GM in Detroit said yes to trading us Roy. Hell I would even give them one of the Boys #1.
The second trade is one with a little more tilt in it. Here is the trade
Dallas
#1 overall pick (D-Mac)
Miami
#22, #28 and Marion Barber
First off, this is a HUGE jump for the Cowboys. I don't know if this trade wouldn't even include next years 1 from Dallas, but for right now lets take it as is.
With that #1 pick you would have to take McFadden. So if you think McFadden is one of those game changers, then make the deal. If you don't (I don't) then you can't give up a possible 3 starters for one average guy, then its not a great deal.
So there is some trade rumors, stick it up.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Brown Five - 1/30/08 - Soggy Corn Flakes
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1)Yes, Big touched on this, Santana is going to New York
But, he ain't going to be in pinstripes. Omar Minaya casted his sweet sweet Hispanic charms and managed to leverage the entire Mets future on winning now. This is good new for the Mets, though, as they need an ace (Pedro ain't coming back) and they need to show the fans they are going to change after the MASSIVE meltdown last year. With Dan Haren going to the NL as well, might the National league have some aces to challenge the AL?
2)Pettite to be the sole witness...against Clemens
I know, we thought they were the best of friends, right? Well, according to Brian McNamee's lawyers, Pettite is willing to give his sworn deposition that he was not alone in his HGH usage, and Clemens was right there with him. Oh and snap.
3)Mexicans at Media Day
I'm all for the funny bits, but this is probably not going to help Arizonians change their mind about illegal immigration. Media Day at the Super Bowl has never been a serious thing, but when the Mexican television stations are sending gorgeous women to propose to players and a dude with a puppet that isn't a dog named Triumph, it's more of a beatdown than anything else.
4)LeBron wants Jason Kidd
Okaaay, how exactly does he plan on doing that? The Cavs can't afford him and with the cap rules as they are, they'll have to trade away a few players including starters. I'm pretty sure Kidd would just stay in Jersey.
5)The Texans might could use another linebacker...
1)Yes, Big touched on this, Santana is going to New York
But, he ain't going to be in pinstripes. Omar Minaya casted his sweet sweet Hispanic charms and managed to leverage the entire Mets future on winning now. This is good new for the Mets, though, as they need an ace (Pedro ain't coming back) and they need to show the fans they are going to change after the MASSIVE meltdown last year. With Dan Haren going to the NL as well, might the National league have some aces to challenge the AL?
2)Pettite to be the sole witness...against Clemens
I know, we thought they were the best of friends, right? Well, according to Brian McNamee's lawyers, Pettite is willing to give his sworn deposition that he was not alone in his HGH usage, and Clemens was right there with him. Oh and snap.
3)Mexicans at Media Day
I'm all for the funny bits, but this is probably not going to help Arizonians change their mind about illegal immigration. Media Day at the Super Bowl has never been a serious thing, but when the Mexican television stations are sending gorgeous women to propose to players and a dude with a puppet that isn't a dog named Triumph, it's more of a beatdown than anything else.
4)LeBron wants Jason Kidd
Okaaay, how exactly does he plan on doing that? The Cavs can't afford him and with the cap rules as they are, they'll have to trade away a few players including starters. I'm pretty sure Kidd would just stay in Jersey.
5)The Texans might could use another linebacker...
Super Bowl Week JO
Whats the best part of the Superbowl? The purest might say its the game, but that usually sucks. The casual fan will say its the party, but that beats us down since I don't think me, nor brown has really watched a Superbowl in like 7 years because of the party. The non sports fan will go with the commercials, but to be honest, we can see all of the "good ones" the next day online. So what truly is the best part of a Superbowl? Well unless you are the lucky few who really root for one of the teams, the best part might be gambling. I'm not talking under over or point spreads. No no no. Only the mexican hippie, and other compulsive people care about that stuff.
I'm talking about the greatness of prop bets. Two of the more prominent sports betting sites bogdog, and BetUS, have come up with some great ones.
We will start with the Game Presentation.
How Many Times will Joe Buck mention Peyton Manning's name during the Broadcast?
Over 5.5 (-125)
Under 5.5 (-115)
How many times will Archie Manning be shown on the TV Broadcast?
Over 4.5 (-150)
Under 4.5 (+110)
Will the entire Fox pre-game team pick the Patriots to win the Super Bowl?
Yes -180
No +140
Give me over 5.5, under 4.5 and no.
Things having to do with the game/post game.
Who will the MVP of the Game thank first?
Teammates, 2:1
God, 5:2
Family, 2:1
Coach, 5:1
Doesn't thank anyone, 6:1
I'm going with God.
Colour of liquid winning Head Coach is doused in
Transparent +400
Green +500
Yellow +300
Orange +125
Red +300
Blue +1000
Purple +1600
I'm going with a slight underdog here, and saying blue.
Now my two fav's, having to do with the entertainment.
How long will it take Jordin Sparks to sing the National anthem?
Over 1m42s (-115)
Under 1m 42s (-115)
This one is free money. There is no WAY she does it in under 1m 42sec.
Tom Petty Props
Tom Petty...
smokes a joint during half time show +2500
has a wardrobe malfunction +10000
streaks field during play +50000
will smash a guitar onstage +5000
will curse during performance +8000
One question, how is smoking a joint the fav here? I would think he has a better chance at cursing, but that just me.
So there is some fun bets. Have a good hump day.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
MLB Trade
I'm not going to pretend to know anything about baseball. ANYTHING. But i know this is a big deal. One of the better guys who stands on the dirt mound in the middle of the bases Johan Santana, was traded to the Mets a little while ago. TBL has the story here. So if you want to know more, go there.
P.S. I was upset to find out that he wasn't the guy who played guitar with Wyclef Jean.
P.S. I was upset to find out that he wasn't the guy who played guitar with Wyclef Jean.
The Brown Five - 1/29/08 - Media Day!
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Eva Longoria says what we all know.
Tony Parker's wife, you know, Eva Longoria, have you heard of her? Yes, well she told the media that Parker often fakes, flops and exaggerates fouls on the court. This really isn't news because, well, we all know Tony's a flopper...not quite at Manu's level, but a flopper none the less. This story is big because it's the first step down the "Jackie and Doug Christie" road.
2) Stop me if you've heard this one before
Chris Webber is going to play for Don Nelson and the Golden State Warriors, and Chris Mullin is calling the shots. Let me guess, you just checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't 1996. I really don't have anything to say on top of this, but I certainly dont think it should be overlooked.
3) Given the shape of the West, can people wait until March and April to charge?
Teams like San Antonio and Los Angeles are always there, but they never run away the entire season. As accomplished post season teams, they usually turn on and shift to high gear towards the end and put together a string of victories to get their seed in the playoffs. However, given the state of the West this year and the unbelievably high win counts that teams have, is it possible that the late blooming, "we'll hit our stride later" teams can miss the playoffs? Think about it...
4) Bedard to Seattle.
The Orioles haven't completely signed off on this, but mark this up as another "Rangers get shat on" moment in the season. The Rangers have enough trouble facing this dude twice a year, and now he'll be in Seattle. Fan-fucking-tastic.
5) There's a football game on Sunday? Really?
Today's media day. Goofy hijinks abound!!! Can someone please ask Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau how they'd feel if the league implemented an HGH test effective tomorrow?
1) Eva Longoria says what we all know.
Tony Parker's wife, you know, Eva Longoria, have you heard of her? Yes, well she told the media that Parker often fakes, flops and exaggerates fouls on the court. This really isn't news because, well, we all know Tony's a flopper...not quite at Manu's level, but a flopper none the less. This story is big because it's the first step down the "Jackie and Doug Christie" road.
2) Stop me if you've heard this one before
Chris Webber is going to play for Don Nelson and the Golden State Warriors, and Chris Mullin is calling the shots. Let me guess, you just checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't 1996. I really don't have anything to say on top of this, but I certainly dont think it should be overlooked.
3) Given the shape of the West, can people wait until March and April to charge?
Teams like San Antonio and Los Angeles are always there, but they never run away the entire season. As accomplished post season teams, they usually turn on and shift to high gear towards the end and put together a string of victories to get their seed in the playoffs. However, given the state of the West this year and the unbelievably high win counts that teams have, is it possible that the late blooming, "we'll hit our stride later" teams can miss the playoffs? Think about it...
4) Bedard to Seattle.
The Orioles haven't completely signed off on this, but mark this up as another "Rangers get shat on" moment in the season. The Rangers have enough trouble facing this dude twice a year, and now he'll be in Seattle. Fan-fucking-tastic.
5) There's a football game on Sunday? Really?
Today's media day. Goofy hijinks abound!!! Can someone please ask Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau how they'd feel if the league implemented an HGH test effective tomorrow?
Super Bowl Week JO
All right I know its already Tuesday, but this week, I am going to bring you some of the crazy shit that goes down during the most over hyped week of the year, Superbowl week.
Today I bring you a blast from the past. Don't you remember a time where you could wake up on a Saturday morning, turn on your TV, fiddle with your NES for awhile, and just see if you can make one play last an entire half? Of course I'm talking about tecmo super bowl. The greatest football game ever made. It was simple, yet it was complex. It was the wave of the future, yet somehow had an old school vibe. Well of all the crazyness that comes with Superbowl week, I would like to introduce you to a site that dedicated to the old school tecmo feel, armchairgm.com
These guys have done what I thought couldn't be done. They have "updated" their rosters on 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl, to the current day rosters. No more Phill Sims, now its Eli Manning. And they didn't just change the names, no no, that would be too easy. They changed all the attributes as well. FANTASTIC. This is straight from their site, and straight from their simulator. Enjoy the Super (tecmo) Bowl.
First Half
2nd Half
Today I bring you a blast from the past. Don't you remember a time where you could wake up on a Saturday morning, turn on your TV, fiddle with your NES for awhile, and just see if you can make one play last an entire half? Of course I'm talking about tecmo super bowl. The greatest football game ever made. It was simple, yet it was complex. It was the wave of the future, yet somehow had an old school vibe. Well of all the crazyness that comes with Superbowl week, I would like to introduce you to a site that dedicated to the old school tecmo feel, armchairgm.com
These guys have done what I thought couldn't be done. They have "updated" their rosters on 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl, to the current day rosters. No more Phill Sims, now its Eli Manning. And they didn't just change the names, no no, that would be too easy. They changed all the attributes as well. FANTASTIC. This is straight from their site, and straight from their simulator. Enjoy the Super (tecmo) Bowl.
First Half
2nd Half
Monday, January 28, 2008
Thought of the day...
Does anyone else think that Emmitt Smith's commentary on football sounds a lot like the old prison character that Damon Wayans did on "In Living Color"?
You know, the one who switched out seemingly normal words and substituted them for something outlandishly ridiculous?
Am I the only one who thinks that?
You know, the one who switched out seemingly normal words and substituted them for something outlandishly ridiculous?
Am I the only one who thinks that?
The Brown Five - 1/28/08 - Cena lives!
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Tiger is the greatest
Tiger Woods has this ability to make the rest of the golf world look like a bunch of weekend hackers out for a stroll on the same course. He won the Buick this past weekend by 8 strokes, and that was him letting off the gas on Sunday. It's a pretty shocking thing when you realize how good the rest of the players are and how bad Tiger makes them look. Guys can barely break off the Nike Tour or the Hot Shots Tour and make it through Q school because they're just not good enough for a PGA card.
2) LeBron v Kobe...
There's a lovely argument about who's the best player in the NBA, and for the most part, you've got two camps: LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. So far, Bryant and his Lakers have dropped five in a row against LeBron and his Cavaliers. I think Kobe's a better player, because he seems to do it night in and night out. LeBron just seems to take a night off too often for me to be comforttable.
3) The Birdman attempts to make his return
Chris Andersen has applied for reinstatement into the NBA. Today's the day in New York where Dave Stern makes the call. He's apparently spent his two years off training and keeping in shape, but without the constants competition of the NBA, you have to wonder how sharp his skills really are.
4) Rumor that sets my Cowboy weenie crazy
"Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is on the trading block, and Detroit might just want a second-round pick in return" Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. You should do it without question and reap the benefits. For God's sake, not to liken him to Moss, but this is just like the Pats getting their star for a fourth rounder. The "real" Roy Williams is just what this team needs, and that allows them to use one of those first rounders as trade bait or to flush out the secondary.
5) This guy is a Ranger, and it might be interesting...
Read this story on Josh Hamilton, and let me know what you think about it.
1) Tiger is the greatest
Tiger Woods has this ability to make the rest of the golf world look like a bunch of weekend hackers out for a stroll on the same course. He won the Buick this past weekend by 8 strokes, and that was him letting off the gas on Sunday. It's a pretty shocking thing when you realize how good the rest of the players are and how bad Tiger makes them look. Guys can barely break off the Nike Tour or the Hot Shots Tour and make it through Q school because they're just not good enough for a PGA card.
2) LeBron v Kobe...
There's a lovely argument about who's the best player in the NBA, and for the most part, you've got two camps: LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. So far, Bryant and his Lakers have dropped five in a row against LeBron and his Cavaliers. I think Kobe's a better player, because he seems to do it night in and night out. LeBron just seems to take a night off too often for me to be comforttable.
3) The Birdman attempts to make his return
Chris Andersen has applied for reinstatement into the NBA. Today's the day in New York where Dave Stern makes the call. He's apparently spent his two years off training and keeping in shape, but without the constants competition of the NBA, you have to wonder how sharp his skills really are.
4) Rumor that sets my Cowboy weenie crazy
"Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is on the trading block, and Detroit might just want a second-round pick in return" Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. You should do it without question and reap the benefits. For God's sake, not to liken him to Moss, but this is just like the Pats getting their star for a fourth rounder. The "real" Roy Williams is just what this team needs, and that allows them to use one of those first rounders as trade bait or to flush out the secondary.
5) This guy is a Ranger, and it might be interesting...
Read this story on Josh Hamilton, and let me know what you think about it.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Live! From MSG via Dallas, TX: The Royal Rumble
Here we are, the 21st annual Royal Rumble.
Key: (Bi) = Big, (Br) = Brown
Opening match: a 90 year old Ric Flair vs. MVP
Br - Ric Flair looks TERRIBLE in HD. I hope I look that good in 60 years.
Bi - He's been wrestling since 1966. Good. Lord.
Br - Here comes MVP. Not quite like wrestling Jesus, but Flair's going to have to manage.
Br - Anyone surprised the crowd isn't getting into this? Me either.
Ric Flair makes MVP tap to the figure 4!!
Bi - I give that match a 2 out of 5
Br - The match is over! I'm so happy!!
Intercession: Video with Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle
Br - Nothing really of substance, until it dawned on me that Hornswoggle is basically an Irish Mr. Peepers.
Br - Wait, Mike Adamle is now broadcasting for the WWE. Hulk Hogan is broadcasting for American Gladiators. Mike Adamle is broadcasting for the WWE. Let that sink in.
Next match: Jericho vs JBL
Bi - The promo didn't have Y2J's monday rant at all. Don't know what that means, but it means something.
Br - I hope they start a bitch tits chant for JBL
Bi- Did Y2J just siccor the ropes?
Br- i believe he did.
Bi - Somewhere a lesbian is pissed that they "stole" something else.
Bi- Just want it to be said, the RAW guys calling the match, much better than smackdown.
Br - We have our first blood of the night, with JBL cutting Y2J. Now I'm Randy.
Br - great its that time of the month for Y2J's face
Bi - Nice.
Jericho hits the crap out of JBL with a chair and gets DQ'd. Now he's going crazy with the chair, and now he's getting a TV Cable, and is going after JBL.
Br - is Jericho goin' to have to choke a bitch.
Bi - Well it does not look like this feud is over. So much for Y2J being in the main event of WrestleMania.
Video Intercession: Santino Marella and Ashley
Br - We get it, Maria is going to be in Playboy. Can we just see her naked?
Next Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio Jr. - For the WCW Championship/World Championship Belt
Br - So, Vicky Guerrero is "with" Edge. No one finds this remotely inappropriate given the whole death of Eddy Guerrero? I know it was a year ago, but...why don't we just have a story line where someone hangs themselves with a weight set.
Bi - You think Edge could ever turn face?
Br - Nope
Bi - Okay
Br - Rey Mysterio has a SharkBoy mask on. Wait, that's the Gladiator mask from that movie with Russell Crowe...what was it?
Bi - "A Beautiful Mind"
Br - Die.
Br - I'm going to get a tattoo like Mysterio, but mine will say "Indian" and under my belly button, it'll have to say "Dot, not feather" so no one gets confused.
Br - Another botched move. That's two tonight. Jeff Hardy is going to die tonight pulling an Owen Hart.
Bi - I hope not
Br - People die in threes: The kid from "The Client", Heath Ledger...AND?????
Bi - What is wrong with you?
Br - Nothing, I don't want anyone to die...except for maybe Orville Redenbacher
Bi - He's already dead
Br - Sweet.
Br - Rey Mysterio did this really cool roll outside of the ring. Now the ref has ejected some guys named "Hawkins" and "Ryder". Umm...right.
Bi - Edge just kicked Rey Mysterio's knee, it looked bad. Not really bad, but pro wrestling bad.
Bi - The HD sound allows you to hear the wrestler's struggling. Sounds like a pig. WEE! WEE!
Bi - Edge is taking Mysterio's knee brace off. Yes it's legal, Coach. Come on.
Rey with a near fall off a wicked kick to the face of Edge. Another near fall with a monkey flip. This obviously means he's going to lose.
Bi - Did he just jump off the rope and stomp on Edge's belly? What the hell? Weird.
Br - Yes. Very weird. Almost...yes, it was weird.
Big boot to Rey's face from Edge. Edge sets up for the spear. Mysterio avoids it and hits the 619. Rey hits a splash. Vicky Guerrero breaks the count. Rey argues with her, avoids the spear. He 619's both Vicky and Edge. Edge just caught Rey mid-air with a spear!!!!! Edge wins.
Br's girlfriend - That's what you get for hitting a woman, no matter how bad she deserves it.
Bi - Michael Cole is a douche.
Video intercession: Ric Flair and Ken Kennedy
Everyone in the room just reacted to the fact Flair is walking out of the shower. Gross.
Shawn Michaels showed up to be funny.
Br - Yay! Shawn Michaels!
Bi - So gay. So, so gay.
Batista shows up. Triple H shows up.
Bi - No one's bothered by the fact Flair has no pants on.
Triple H just said, put your pants on.
Br - Shawn Michaels is shilling his merchandise. He's been relegated to tthe mid-card comedy act. I'm not sure if that's sad or not
Live Intercession: Maria's kiss-cam
Bi - What did she just say?
Br - I don't know.
Br - This is going to be a beat down. The girl won't kiss the guido guy. Funny.
Bi - Was that Joey Fatone?
Br - Skater guy's girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him. Very emo.
Bi - I bet that was his sister. Oooh! Here comes Ashley. I love her.
Br - Ten bucks says she offers Playboy.
She offers Maria a Playboy shoot.
Br - Called it. HERE COMES SANTINO!!!! Comedy!
Bi - He has a ghost or something with him. What the hell is going on?
Br - Santino is mocking the Yankees, Mets and Rangers. He calls out the fact the Giants are from New Jersey. This guy is bad ass. I hope Osi Umenyiora takes a shit on him.
New York is doing a "Let's Go Giants" chant.
Bi - (Not saying anything, just has his hands in the air and his mouth open)
Br - Santino is fucking hilarious. The thing in a black sheet is getting into the ring. It's a fat guy with a Patriots logo on his stomach and a "19-0" thong.
Bi - I'm uncomfortable.
Br's girlfriend - He has a tramp stamp!
Br - That's what you noticed?
Wrestlemania commercial! It's got Kelly Kelly. Woo hoo
Br - Mike Adamle!!!!
Bi - HA! HA!
Br - He just called him "Jeff Harvey". This makes me happy. He's as bad as Hogan is on American Gladiators. I'm waiting for a "brother" somewhere.
Next Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Champsionship
Promo's RKO first, then Hardy's.
Bi - I really hope hardy comes out on top. I always thought he was a fantastic wrestler
Br - He won't, but i bet he wins it before WrestleMania.
Bi - Holy shit, a guy was wearing a jeff hardy arm thingie's and a half shirt, with his chest painted for Hardy. New Yorkers are effin crazy.
Br - What is goin on right now? They are just rolling around the ring, I can't understand what people are saying.
Bi - Cats and dogs, living together!
Br- Feel the wrath of Orten Tant!
Br - Wow, Hardy just baseball slided orten into the wall, then jumped over the ropes again! Crazy ass!
Bi - RKO looks like he wants to just walk out, I don't know if i would like that.
Br - Do something crazy!
Bi - Don't get hat gun up if you don't use it!
Br - He missed the moonsault! Thats the third fuck up tonight!
RKO! Hardy tried to do that DDT thing, but Orton reversed it to the RKO, and scored a clean pin.
Br - A Clean pin? Thats it?
Bi - Lame. All that build up for that match where Hardy didn't do anything crazy, and Orton didn't cheat to win? That sucks
Br - The Rumble better be bad ass, cuz this PPV has sucked. I'm talking return of Big Show...
Bi - John Cena...
Br - yea, fuck it bring back DDP!
Bi - Self High Five!
Now we get to see the "numbers" promo for the rumble agian. That makes 3 times.
Next Match: The Royal Rumble
Br - Michael Buffer is going to announce the start of the Rumble. How appropriate. AND BORING.
First entrant - The Undertaker
Bi - Wow, they're starting with Taker.
Br - Apparently, he won this last year. There you go.
Second entrant - Shawn Michaels
Bi - Weren't they the last two last year? Interesting start.
Br - Crowd's falling asleep, they need a spark.
And we begin...
The bell rings and the Undertaker assumes a boxing stance and starts advancing towards HBK.
Bi - What the fuck? Taker's a boxer now?
HBK is getting his bell rung and he's hanging on the outside of the ring. Undertaker catches him with a throat lock.
ENTRANCE! Santino Marella
Santino just got super kicked.
Bi - (Laughing) That's fantastic!
ELIMINATION: Santino Marella
Still just Undertaker and HBK...fighting
ENTRANCE! The Great Khali
Br - Represent for the Motherland, dude!
Bi - I hope he gets knocked out immediately
Undertaker starts beating Khali, Khali puts him down with a chop.
Bi - It was just a chop!!! COME ON!
The crowd begins chanting: "You Can't Wrestle!" to the Great Khali. Khali and Taker have each other in a throat lock.
ELIMINATION: The Great Khali
ENTRANCE! Hardcore Holly
Bi - No "Spark Plug", I'm disappointed.
Three wrestlers going at it in the ring.
Bi - The Undertaker is carrying the entire match right now.
Undertaker trying to eliminate HBK, Holly stops him.
ENTRANCE! John Morrison
Morrison attacks Undertaker right away. Morrison is avoiding Undertaker at all costs now. Morrison holds the top rope and flips back to avoid elimination. HBK goes to the top rope, and delivers a flying elbow!
ENTRANCE! Tommy Dreamer
Bi - Dreamer could have been something-
Br - He's way too old and beaten down.
Crowd is chanting something that is not understandable.
ENTRANCE! Batista
Br - They're bringing out all the big guns now
Predictably, spinebusters, clotheslines and irish whips from Batista.
ELIMINATION: Dreamer
Spear from Batista. Really, how in the hell is this guy not being tested positive for steroids? He's like a bad Popeye imitation.
ENTRANCE! Hornswoggle
Big called this one. He's happy to see the leprechaun.
Everyone stops to look at him, and Hornswoggle crawls under the ring. King called him "Horny". Giggle.
ENTRANCE! Chuck Palumbo
No one knows who this is. He looks like small Batista with hair. Six people in the ring, one under it. Morrison and HBK have both done versions of the "grab the top rope and flip back" move.
ENTRANCE! Jamie Noble
Noble has his torso wrapped in bandages and tape. Apparently him and Palumbo have some kind of heat between each other. Who watches Smackdown? Really? Seriously, Big and who else?
ELIMINATION: Jamie Noble
Br - That was quick....and gay
Hornswoggle is still under the ring...
ENTRANCE! CM Punk
CM Punk comes in kicking ass by kneeing everyone in the face. He just got laid the fuck out by Undertaker with a clothesline. HBK looks like he's almost dead. Right on par with his usual performance.
ELIMINATION: Chuck Palumbo
ENTRANCE! Cody Rhodes
Br - Gay. Gay. Gay.
CM Punk almost eliminated by Cody Rhodes. That would make Brown mad.
Bi - "One of these guys is not like the other one"
Br - They're wrestlers, you idiot.
HBK is busted open. I just noticed. Sue me.
ENTRANCE! Umaga
Br's girlfriend - Yay, that guy's fun.
Br - Shut up and get in the kitchen, fix me a turkey pot pie.
ELIMINATION - Hardcore Holly
Umaga is wearing red pants and looks like the Kool-Aid man. Umaga just slammed his ass in Batista's face. Gross.
ENTRANCE! Snitsky
Br - Ugliest man on the planet.
Bi - Gonnorhea!
Snitsky is kicking ass, the world keeps on moving. Rhodes takes a risk, and doesn't eliminate anyone.
ENTRANCE! The Miz
Bi - Please ge waxed, quickly.
Br - Really, who is this guy?
The Miz and Morrison are targeting CM Punk. Batista is fighting HBK. Undertaker and Umaga. Snitsky and Rhodes. Hornswoggle and wires under the ring. Umaga almost gets eliminated.
ENTRANCE! Shelton Benjamin
Benjamin does a crazy move.
ELIMINATION: Shelton Benjamin
Br - Well, that was a nice super kick by HBK.
Bi - So much for my dark horse.
ENTRANCE! Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
Big and Brown - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Bi - Wow, he's seen better days. I hope he gets eliminated soon.
Br - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Everyone is scared to touch him for fear of killing him. He looks terrible because he's like 100 years old and in HD. God damn.
ENTRANCE! Rowdy Roddy Piper
Bi - What the hell is going on? He looks the same, but he has a gut now.
Br - When did it become 1988 instead of 2008?
Piper is pointing at Snuka. It's Piper versus Snuka! Oh my god! Everyone has stopped fighting to watch these two fight. CM Punk is laughing and Morrison kicked him the gut.
ENTRANCE! Kane
Back to normal, I guess.
ELIMINATION: Piper
ELIMINATION: Snuka
Thank God for Kane. So good of him to eliminate those guys. I'm sure they needed to be wheeled out. Snuka is walking off in disdain. Undertaker sizing up Kane, but turns around to chokeslam HBK
ENTRANCE! Carlito
He immediately spits in Rhodes's face. Carlito does the backstabber on CM Punk. Rhods bulldogs Carlito. Snitsky and Undertaker. Kane and Umaga.
ENTRANCE! Mick Foley
Big called it. Mick Foley has a Snuka shirt on and his Cactus Jack shirt on. Okaaaay. Umaga just does huge Samoan drop on Undertaker.
ENTRANCE! Kennedy
Kennedy got a big pop...that's not supposed to happen, he's a heel. Do I see a face turn in his future? Maybe. Kennedy just destroyed Rhodes with a boot to the face. Kennedy is kicking ass all over the place. Undertaker sits up, Kennedy kicks him in the face. Undertaker grabs Kennedy with a choke hold, and choke slams Kennedy. Undertaker is working on his second wind. The ring is littered with bodies right now.
ENTRANCE! Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Snitsky
ELIMINATION: Undertaker
ELIMINATION: Shawn Michaels
Undertaker and HBK and Snitsky are fighting outside of the ring now. HBK is running around the ring, and he gets bumped by a camera. Undertaker just broke a table with Snitsky because he was pissed. STEROIDS! Cody Rhodes does the flip thing.
ENTRANCE! Mark Henry
Hornswoggle crawled out and pulls on Miz's hands
ELIMINATION: The Miz
Hornswoggle crawls back under the ring.
Bi - Big Daddy V is grabbing some dude's taint, that's wrong.
ENTRANCE! Chavo Guerrero
How is this guy a champ? That's not right. CM Punk goes right after Chavo.
ELIMINATION: John Morrison
The amount of guys who are doing the flip back over the rope thing doesn't count. Hornswoggle gets pulled into the ring by Mark Henry. Finlay just runs into the ring with his stick, before the clock. He grabs Hornswoggle and slides back under the ropes with the midget and walks away. I'm not sure if anyone was really eliminated here. I'm so confused. What the hell happened?
Bi - I hate Jonathan Coachman
Finlay was disqualified because he used a stick as a weapon. Okay. What about Hornswoggle?
ENTRANCE! Finlay
ELIMINATION: Finlay
ENTRANCE! Elijah Burke
Batista is outside the ring, but no one knows if he is eliminated or not
ELIMINATION: CM Punk
Batista is not eliminated, he just slid under the rope.
ENTRANCE! Triple H
The new favorite has entered the ring.
ELIMINATION: Cody Rhodes
Triple H is cleaning house.
ELIMINATION: Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Mick Foley
ELIMINATION: Elijah Burke
Chavo and Carlito. Umaga and Kane. Kennedy and Mark Henry. Triple H and everyone. Pedigree from Triple H on Umaga.
FINAL ENTRANCE! John Cena
Big is celebrating. Apparently he healed from a torn pec much faster than expected. This is a HUGE pop from the crowd. No real surprise. Wow. John Cena is back! Forget Triple H as the favorite, Cena is the new favorite.
ELIMINATION: Carlito
ELIMINATION: Chavo
ELIMINATION: Mark Henry
Cena and Triple H are facing off in the middle of the ring. Cena is much smaller, both surgery and less steroids. Cena and Triple H. Punch for punch.
ELIMINATION: Kennedy
Batista is back at it.
ELIMINATION: Umaga
ELIMINATION: Kane
Down to three, Batista, Triple H and Cena. Cena just gave a "Holy Shit" because it's two on one, basically. Batista gives the thumbs down. Cena gives the "you can't see me". Triple H does the DX chop. Fightin' time. Double clothesline from Batista.
Jim Ross: Power! Velocity! Intensity!
Michael Cole: Timing!
Br - What the fuck!?!?
ELIMINATION: Batista
Down to Cena and Triple H. Who's going to Wrestlemania?
Bi - Please don't type that I laughed like a little girl.
Br - I hope that doesn't count.
They're both faces, so it can go either way against Orton. We'd say this is Triple H's guarantee, but the showing up of Cena totally changed things. Storyline works either way.
Trading shots in the middle of the ring. Cena body slams Triple H. Five knuckle shuffle from Cena.
Bi - It still bothers me that he wears jorts.
Triple H counters the F-U. Cena counters the pedigree. Double clothesline, both men are down. Cena tries the FU over the rope. Triple H fights it off. Big DDT From Triple H. Cena fights off an elimination.
ELIMINATION: Triple H
Cena wins the Royal Rumble. Cena will go to Wrestlemania and vie for the championship.
Bi - Cena just pointed to his pec and gave the "okay" sign. Riiight.
Wow. Didn't see that one coming.
Thanks for joining us. See you next week.
Key: (Bi) = Big, (Br) = Brown
Opening match: a 90 year old Ric Flair vs. MVP
Br - Ric Flair looks TERRIBLE in HD. I hope I look that good in 60 years.
Bi - He's been wrestling since 1966. Good. Lord.
Br - Here comes MVP. Not quite like wrestling Jesus, but Flair's going to have to manage.
Br - Anyone surprised the crowd isn't getting into this? Me either.
Ric Flair makes MVP tap to the figure 4!!
Bi - I give that match a 2 out of 5
Br - The match is over! I'm so happy!!
Intercession: Video with Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle
Br - Nothing really of substance, until it dawned on me that Hornswoggle is basically an Irish Mr. Peepers.
Br - Wait, Mike Adamle is now broadcasting for the WWE. Hulk Hogan is broadcasting for American Gladiators. Mike Adamle is broadcasting for the WWE. Let that sink in.
Next match: Jericho vs JBL
Bi - The promo didn't have Y2J's monday rant at all. Don't know what that means, but it means something.
Br - I hope they start a bitch tits chant for JBL
Bi- Did Y2J just siccor the ropes?
Br- i believe he did.
Bi - Somewhere a lesbian is pissed that they "stole" something else.
Bi- Just want it to be said, the RAW guys calling the match, much better than smackdown.
Br - We have our first blood of the night, with JBL cutting Y2J. Now I'm Randy.
Br - great its that time of the month for Y2J's face
Bi - Nice.
Jericho hits the crap out of JBL with a chair and gets DQ'd. Now he's going crazy with the chair, and now he's getting a TV Cable, and is going after JBL.
Br - is Jericho goin' to have to choke a bitch.
Bi - Well it does not look like this feud is over. So much for Y2J being in the main event of WrestleMania.
Video Intercession: Santino Marella and Ashley
Br - We get it, Maria is going to be in Playboy. Can we just see her naked?
Next Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio Jr. - For the WCW Championship/World Championship Belt
Br - So, Vicky Guerrero is "with" Edge. No one finds this remotely inappropriate given the whole death of Eddy Guerrero? I know it was a year ago, but...why don't we just have a story line where someone hangs themselves with a weight set.
Bi - You think Edge could ever turn face?
Br - Nope
Bi - Okay
Br - Rey Mysterio has a SharkBoy mask on. Wait, that's the Gladiator mask from that movie with Russell Crowe...what was it?
Bi - "A Beautiful Mind"
Br - Die.
Br - I'm going to get a tattoo like Mysterio, but mine will say "Indian" and under my belly button, it'll have to say "Dot, not feather" so no one gets confused.
Br - Another botched move. That's two tonight. Jeff Hardy is going to die tonight pulling an Owen Hart.
Bi - I hope not
Br - People die in threes: The kid from "The Client", Heath Ledger...AND?????
Bi - What is wrong with you?
Br - Nothing, I don't want anyone to die...except for maybe Orville Redenbacher
Bi - He's already dead
Br - Sweet.
Br - Rey Mysterio did this really cool roll outside of the ring. Now the ref has ejected some guys named "Hawkins" and "Ryder". Umm...right.
Bi - Edge just kicked Rey Mysterio's knee, it looked bad. Not really bad, but pro wrestling bad.
Bi - The HD sound allows you to hear the wrestler's struggling. Sounds like a pig. WEE! WEE!
Bi - Edge is taking Mysterio's knee brace off. Yes it's legal, Coach. Come on.
Rey with a near fall off a wicked kick to the face of Edge. Another near fall with a monkey flip. This obviously means he's going to lose.
Bi - Did he just jump off the rope and stomp on Edge's belly? What the hell? Weird.
Br - Yes. Very weird. Almost...yes, it was weird.
Big boot to Rey's face from Edge. Edge sets up for the spear. Mysterio avoids it and hits the 619. Rey hits a splash. Vicky Guerrero breaks the count. Rey argues with her, avoids the spear. He 619's both Vicky and Edge. Edge just caught Rey mid-air with a spear!!!!! Edge wins.
Br's girlfriend - That's what you get for hitting a woman, no matter how bad she deserves it.
Bi - Michael Cole is a douche.
Video intercession: Ric Flair and Ken Kennedy
Everyone in the room just reacted to the fact Flair is walking out of the shower. Gross.
Shawn Michaels showed up to be funny.
Br - Yay! Shawn Michaels!
Bi - So gay. So, so gay.
Batista shows up. Triple H shows up.
Bi - No one's bothered by the fact Flair has no pants on.
Triple H just said, put your pants on.
Br - Shawn Michaels is shilling his merchandise. He's been relegated to tthe mid-card comedy act. I'm not sure if that's sad or not
Live Intercession: Maria's kiss-cam
Bi - What did she just say?
Br - I don't know.
Br - This is going to be a beat down. The girl won't kiss the guido guy. Funny.
Bi - Was that Joey Fatone?
Br - Skater guy's girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him. Very emo.
Bi - I bet that was his sister. Oooh! Here comes Ashley. I love her.
Br - Ten bucks says she offers Playboy.
She offers Maria a Playboy shoot.
Br - Called it. HERE COMES SANTINO!!!! Comedy!
Bi - He has a ghost or something with him. What the hell is going on?
Br - Santino is mocking the Yankees, Mets and Rangers. He calls out the fact the Giants are from New Jersey. This guy is bad ass. I hope Osi Umenyiora takes a shit on him.
New York is doing a "Let's Go Giants" chant.
Bi - (Not saying anything, just has his hands in the air and his mouth open)
Br - Santino is fucking hilarious. The thing in a black sheet is getting into the ring. It's a fat guy with a Patriots logo on his stomach and a "19-0" thong.
Bi - I'm uncomfortable.
Br's girlfriend - He has a tramp stamp!
Br - That's what you noticed?
Wrestlemania commercial! It's got Kelly Kelly. Woo hoo
Br - Mike Adamle!!!!
Bi - HA! HA!
Br - He just called him "Jeff Harvey". This makes me happy. He's as bad as Hogan is on American Gladiators. I'm waiting for a "brother" somewhere.
Next Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Champsionship
Promo's RKO first, then Hardy's.
Bi - I really hope hardy comes out on top. I always thought he was a fantastic wrestler
Br - He won't, but i bet he wins it before WrestleMania.
Bi - Holy shit, a guy was wearing a jeff hardy arm thingie's and a half shirt, with his chest painted for Hardy. New Yorkers are effin crazy.
Br - What is goin on right now? They are just rolling around the ring, I can't understand what people are saying.
Bi - Cats and dogs, living together!
Br- Feel the wrath of Orten Tant!
Br - Wow, Hardy just baseball slided orten into the wall, then jumped over the ropes again! Crazy ass!
Bi - RKO looks like he wants to just walk out, I don't know if i would like that.
Br - Do something crazy!
Bi - Don't get hat gun up if you don't use it!
Br - He missed the moonsault! Thats the third fuck up tonight!
RKO! Hardy tried to do that DDT thing, but Orton reversed it to the RKO, and scored a clean pin.
Br - A Clean pin? Thats it?
Bi - Lame. All that build up for that match where Hardy didn't do anything crazy, and Orton didn't cheat to win? That sucks
Br - The Rumble better be bad ass, cuz this PPV has sucked. I'm talking return of Big Show...
Bi - John Cena...
Br - yea, fuck it bring back DDP!
Bi - Self High Five!
Now we get to see the "numbers" promo for the rumble agian. That makes 3 times.
Next Match: The Royal Rumble
Br - Michael Buffer is going to announce the start of the Rumble. How appropriate. AND BORING.
First entrant - The Undertaker
Bi - Wow, they're starting with Taker.
Br - Apparently, he won this last year. There you go.
Second entrant - Shawn Michaels
Bi - Weren't they the last two last year? Interesting start.
Br - Crowd's falling asleep, they need a spark.
And we begin...
The bell rings and the Undertaker assumes a boxing stance and starts advancing towards HBK.
Bi - What the fuck? Taker's a boxer now?
HBK is getting his bell rung and he's hanging on the outside of the ring. Undertaker catches him with a throat lock.
ENTRANCE! Santino Marella
Santino just got super kicked.
Bi - (Laughing) That's fantastic!
ELIMINATION: Santino Marella
Still just Undertaker and HBK...fighting
ENTRANCE! The Great Khali
Br - Represent for the Motherland, dude!
Bi - I hope he gets knocked out immediately
Undertaker starts beating Khali, Khali puts him down with a chop.
Bi - It was just a chop!!! COME ON!
The crowd begins chanting: "You Can't Wrestle!" to the Great Khali. Khali and Taker have each other in a throat lock.
ELIMINATION: The Great Khali
ENTRANCE! Hardcore Holly
Bi - No "Spark Plug", I'm disappointed.
Three wrestlers going at it in the ring.
Bi - The Undertaker is carrying the entire match right now.
Undertaker trying to eliminate HBK, Holly stops him.
ENTRANCE! John Morrison
Morrison attacks Undertaker right away. Morrison is avoiding Undertaker at all costs now. Morrison holds the top rope and flips back to avoid elimination. HBK goes to the top rope, and delivers a flying elbow!
ENTRANCE! Tommy Dreamer
Bi - Dreamer could have been something-
Br - He's way too old and beaten down.
Crowd is chanting something that is not understandable.
ENTRANCE! Batista
Br - They're bringing out all the big guns now
Predictably, spinebusters, clotheslines and irish whips from Batista.
ELIMINATION: Dreamer
Spear from Batista. Really, how in the hell is this guy not being tested positive for steroids? He's like a bad Popeye imitation.
ENTRANCE! Hornswoggle
Big called this one. He's happy to see the leprechaun.
Everyone stops to look at him, and Hornswoggle crawls under the ring. King called him "Horny". Giggle.
ENTRANCE! Chuck Palumbo
No one knows who this is. He looks like small Batista with hair. Six people in the ring, one under it. Morrison and HBK have both done versions of the "grab the top rope and flip back" move.
ENTRANCE! Jamie Noble
Noble has his torso wrapped in bandages and tape. Apparently him and Palumbo have some kind of heat between each other. Who watches Smackdown? Really? Seriously, Big and who else?
ELIMINATION: Jamie Noble
Br - That was quick....and gay
Hornswoggle is still under the ring...
ENTRANCE! CM Punk
CM Punk comes in kicking ass by kneeing everyone in the face. He just got laid the fuck out by Undertaker with a clothesline. HBK looks like he's almost dead. Right on par with his usual performance.
ELIMINATION: Chuck Palumbo
ENTRANCE! Cody Rhodes
Br - Gay. Gay. Gay.
CM Punk almost eliminated by Cody Rhodes. That would make Brown mad.
Bi - "One of these guys is not like the other one"
Br - They're wrestlers, you idiot.
HBK is busted open. I just noticed. Sue me.
ENTRANCE! Umaga
Br's girlfriend - Yay, that guy's fun.
Br - Shut up and get in the kitchen, fix me a turkey pot pie.
ELIMINATION - Hardcore Holly
Umaga is wearing red pants and looks like the Kool-Aid man. Umaga just slammed his ass in Batista's face. Gross.
ENTRANCE! Snitsky
Br - Ugliest man on the planet.
Bi - Gonnorhea!
Snitsky is kicking ass, the world keeps on moving. Rhodes takes a risk, and doesn't eliminate anyone.
ENTRANCE! The Miz
Bi - Please ge waxed, quickly.
Br - Really, who is this guy?
The Miz and Morrison are targeting CM Punk. Batista is fighting HBK. Undertaker and Umaga. Snitsky and Rhodes. Hornswoggle and wires under the ring. Umaga almost gets eliminated.
ENTRANCE! Shelton Benjamin
Benjamin does a crazy move.
ELIMINATION: Shelton Benjamin
Br - Well, that was a nice super kick by HBK.
Bi - So much for my dark horse.
ENTRANCE! Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka
Big and Brown - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Bi - Wow, he's seen better days. I hope he gets eliminated soon.
Br - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Everyone is scared to touch him for fear of killing him. He looks terrible because he's like 100 years old and in HD. God damn.
ENTRANCE! Rowdy Roddy Piper
Bi - What the hell is going on? He looks the same, but he has a gut now.
Br - When did it become 1988 instead of 2008?
Piper is pointing at Snuka. It's Piper versus Snuka! Oh my god! Everyone has stopped fighting to watch these two fight. CM Punk is laughing and Morrison kicked him the gut.
ENTRANCE! Kane
Back to normal, I guess.
ELIMINATION: Piper
ELIMINATION: Snuka
Thank God for Kane. So good of him to eliminate those guys. I'm sure they needed to be wheeled out. Snuka is walking off in disdain. Undertaker sizing up Kane, but turns around to chokeslam HBK
ENTRANCE! Carlito
He immediately spits in Rhodes's face. Carlito does the backstabber on CM Punk. Rhods bulldogs Carlito. Snitsky and Undertaker. Kane and Umaga.
ENTRANCE! Mick Foley
Big called it. Mick Foley has a Snuka shirt on and his Cactus Jack shirt on. Okaaaay. Umaga just does huge Samoan drop on Undertaker.
ENTRANCE! Kennedy
Kennedy got a big pop...that's not supposed to happen, he's a heel. Do I see a face turn in his future? Maybe. Kennedy just destroyed Rhodes with a boot to the face. Kennedy is kicking ass all over the place. Undertaker sits up, Kennedy kicks him in the face. Undertaker grabs Kennedy with a choke hold, and choke slams Kennedy. Undertaker is working on his second wind. The ring is littered with bodies right now.
ENTRANCE! Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Snitsky
ELIMINATION: Undertaker
ELIMINATION: Shawn Michaels
Undertaker and HBK and Snitsky are fighting outside of the ring now. HBK is running around the ring, and he gets bumped by a camera. Undertaker just broke a table with Snitsky because he was pissed. STEROIDS! Cody Rhodes does the flip thing.
ENTRANCE! Mark Henry
Hornswoggle crawled out and pulls on Miz's hands
ELIMINATION: The Miz
Hornswoggle crawls back under the ring.
Bi - Big Daddy V is grabbing some dude's taint, that's wrong.
ENTRANCE! Chavo Guerrero
How is this guy a champ? That's not right. CM Punk goes right after Chavo.
ELIMINATION: John Morrison
The amount of guys who are doing the flip back over the rope thing doesn't count. Hornswoggle gets pulled into the ring by Mark Henry. Finlay just runs into the ring with his stick, before the clock. He grabs Hornswoggle and slides back under the ropes with the midget and walks away. I'm not sure if anyone was really eliminated here. I'm so confused. What the hell happened?
Bi - I hate Jonathan Coachman
Finlay was disqualified because he used a stick as a weapon. Okay. What about Hornswoggle?
ENTRANCE! Finlay
ELIMINATION: Finlay
ENTRANCE! Elijah Burke
Batista is outside the ring, but no one knows if he is eliminated or not
ELIMINATION: CM Punk
Batista is not eliminated, he just slid under the rope.
ENTRANCE! Triple H
The new favorite has entered the ring.
ELIMINATION: Cody Rhodes
Triple H is cleaning house.
ELIMINATION: Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Mick Foley
ELIMINATION: Elijah Burke
Chavo and Carlito. Umaga and Kane. Kennedy and Mark Henry. Triple H and everyone. Pedigree from Triple H on Umaga.
FINAL ENTRANCE! John Cena
Big is celebrating. Apparently he healed from a torn pec much faster than expected. This is a HUGE pop from the crowd. No real surprise. Wow. John Cena is back! Forget Triple H as the favorite, Cena is the new favorite.
ELIMINATION: Carlito
ELIMINATION: Chavo
ELIMINATION: Mark Henry
Cena and Triple H are facing off in the middle of the ring. Cena is much smaller, both surgery and less steroids. Cena and Triple H. Punch for punch.
ELIMINATION: Kennedy
Batista is back at it.
ELIMINATION: Umaga
ELIMINATION: Kane
Down to three, Batista, Triple H and Cena. Cena just gave a "Holy Shit" because it's two on one, basically. Batista gives the thumbs down. Cena gives the "you can't see me". Triple H does the DX chop. Fightin' time. Double clothesline from Batista.
Jim Ross: Power! Velocity! Intensity!
Michael Cole: Timing!
Br - What the fuck!?!?
ELIMINATION: Batista
Down to Cena and Triple H. Who's going to Wrestlemania?
Bi - Please don't type that I laughed like a little girl.
Br - I hope that doesn't count.
They're both faces, so it can go either way against Orton. We'd say this is Triple H's guarantee, but the showing up of Cena totally changed things. Storyline works either way.
Trading shots in the middle of the ring. Cena body slams Triple H. Five knuckle shuffle from Cena.
Bi - It still bothers me that he wears jorts.
Triple H counters the F-U. Cena counters the pedigree. Double clothesline, both men are down. Cena tries the FU over the rope. Triple H fights it off. Big DDT From Triple H. Cena fights off an elimination.
ELIMINATION: Triple H
Cena wins the Royal Rumble. Cena will go to Wrestlemania and vie for the championship.
Bi - Cena just pointed to his pec and gave the "okay" sign. Riiight.
Wow. Didn't see that one coming.
Thanks for joining us. See you next week.
Friday, January 25, 2008
I don't buy popular shoes, do you?
From TrueHoop:
Okay, I was never that big into shoes, let alone into Jordans. What really confuses me is how big a phenomenon this is. Just what in the hell do you need to do with $200 sneakers?? Unless they are truly going to make me play like Jordan, which they won't, what do they provide that I can't get with a pair of cheaper shoes that I can replace every 6 months or so?
Honestly, there is a list of priorities in life, and I don't think "fly ass kicks" are on that list.
A guy walked past the Foot Action by the Garden and asks, "What are you guys doing here?"
One of the sneakerheads answers: "Waiting for the new Air Jordans." And shows him a pair of the shoes.
Guy says: "I don't get it."
Sneakerhead, with disdain in his voice: "We know. That's why you're over there."
Okay, I was never that big into shoes, let alone into Jordans. What really confuses me is how big a phenomenon this is. Just what in the hell do you need to do with $200 sneakers?? Unless they are truly going to make me play like Jordan, which they won't, what do they provide that I can't get with a pair of cheaper shoes that I can replace every 6 months or so?
Honestly, there is a list of priorities in life, and I don't think "fly ass kicks" are on that list.
The Brown Five - 1/25/08 - I've been casted in Powder 2: Powderier
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Federer loses! Federer loses!
Novak Djokovic, the comedian with a bomb for a serve, has dethroned the "Invincible One", in straight sets no less. 7-5,6-3, 7-6 (5). People complain that guys like Federer make tennis unwatchable because it's a guarantee that he will win. The only guarantee that he has in on grass, very Sampras-esque. Hard courts are the real test of a tennis player because it's as even keel as it gets, no speed advantage like grass and no spin advantage like clay.
2) Shaq retiring? I dont think so.
The rumors are abound that Shaq, more injury plagued then ever, is going to retire this year. The Heat would love that beacuse his salary would completely come off their books and allow them to start rebuilding tomorrow. The real question is, who in their right mind leaves $40 million on the table? Shaq's due to make $20 each year for the next two years as long as he's on the roster. He's in complete Alan Houston territory now.
3) All Star Starters. Snub-City
In the West? You'd think I'd say that Dirk's the biggest snub, but I'm going to have to go with Chris Paul. First of all, the Hornets have the best record in the West (shocking enough), but I've already argued he's one of the best pure point guards in the league with Nash, Kidd and Deron Williams. I don't agree with Allen Iverson as a starter. You can argue Dwyane Wade up and down in the East, but there is no way he is more deserving than Billups or Joe Johnson.
4) Rudy Gay is asking you what he should do
I'm not sure if this is Stern's idea of bringing the dunk contest to the fans, but Rudy Gay is inviting other basketball players across world to tell him what kind of dunk he needs to do to win the contest during All Star Weekend. Demonstrate your best dunk on YouTube.com (www.youtube.com/rudygay22slamdunk). I'm going to screen capture some stuff off of NBA Jam from Sega Genesis and submit it. If he can light a fire on the ball and jump from the free throw line and do a 540 and then dunk...wow.
5) Reminder for Sunday...
Join us at 7pm on Sunday for a live blog of the WWE Royal Rumble. Here's what I can guarantee:
1) Federer loses! Federer loses!
Novak Djokovic, the comedian with a bomb for a serve, has dethroned the "Invincible One", in straight sets no less. 7-5,6-3, 7-6 (5). People complain that guys like Federer make tennis unwatchable because it's a guarantee that he will win. The only guarantee that he has in on grass, very Sampras-esque. Hard courts are the real test of a tennis player because it's as even keel as it gets, no speed advantage like grass and no spin advantage like clay.
2) Shaq retiring? I dont think so.
The rumors are abound that Shaq, more injury plagued then ever, is going to retire this year. The Heat would love that beacuse his salary would completely come off their books and allow them to start rebuilding tomorrow. The real question is, who in their right mind leaves $40 million on the table? Shaq's due to make $20 each year for the next two years as long as he's on the roster. He's in complete Alan Houston territory now.
3) All Star Starters. Snub-City
In the West? You'd think I'd say that Dirk's the biggest snub, but I'm going to have to go with Chris Paul. First of all, the Hornets have the best record in the West (shocking enough), but I've already argued he's one of the best pure point guards in the league with Nash, Kidd and Deron Williams. I don't agree with Allen Iverson as a starter. You can argue Dwyane Wade up and down in the East, but there is no way he is more deserving than Billups or Joe Johnson.
4) Rudy Gay is asking you what he should do
I'm not sure if this is Stern's idea of bringing the dunk contest to the fans, but Rudy Gay is inviting other basketball players across world to tell him what kind of dunk he needs to do to win the contest during All Star Weekend. Demonstrate your best dunk on YouTube.com (www.youtube.com/rudygay22slamdunk). I'm going to screen capture some stuff off of NBA Jam from Sega Genesis and submit it. If he can light a fire on the ball and jump from the free throw line and do a 540 and then dunk...wow.
5) Reminder for Sunday...
Join us at 7pm on Sunday for a live blog of the WWE Royal Rumble. Here's what I can guarantee:
-Obscure 80's and 90's movie references from Blogador (he'll put Simmons to shame)
-Terrible misspellings from Big
-Untimely Heath Ledger jokes from me.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Forecasting the Rumble...
A professional wrestling pay-per-view is upon us this Sunday, The Royal Rumble. Second only to Wrestlemania, this event is huge because it kicks off the year and starts/advances all plot lines to end at Wrestlemania.
You can check the card yourself at WWE.com, but the main thing that we are interested in is the biggest draw, the Rumble itself. A 30 man, over-the-top battle that gives the winner a chance to have a shot at any title belt he chooses at Wrestlemania.
To preview that event, we’ve taken the 21 listed wrestlers (so far) and broken down our thoughts and chances for each guy. Those 9 other spots are usually filled with the normal jobbers and/or old school gimmick guys, so we’ve included who we’d like to see in that gimmick role.
Umaga
- Big: Because the guy is one hell of a worker, he will last a long time, probably early, but no chance.
- Samoan for Final 4, but not your winner
- Brown: Oh, he’ll scream and he’ll stomp and he’ll gorilla press a few smaller dudes out. Outside of that? Forget it.
Snitsky
- Big: Remember when this guy had a rat tail and a goatee? No? Nevermind.
- Blogador: Backzitsky no winksy da rumblsky
- Brown: Uh, this dude was in an angle where he was licking Mae Young’s feet. Now his teeth are yellow. Gonorrhea strikes again. He can’t win with an STD.
- Big: I've still got my fingers crossed he comes out as "Spark Plug."
- Blogador: Name would be better for an adult film star now, trying to carry Cody Rhodth, I mean Rhodes, it’s not much of a career
- Brown: If I had to guess, he’ll get eliminated by his tag team partner and start a whole deal with Cody Rhodes where Dusty Rhodes gets involved.
The Miz
- Blogador: This a true story of when you put 30 people in a ring and peole stop being polite and start being real, and nobody cares about The Miz
- Big: You think the people in the Real World, Road Rules challenge look at this guy as a joke now? Wouldn't that be the ultimate pot calling the kettle?
- Brown: Both Blogador and Big watch the Real World and Road Rules. GAY! Who is this guy? He can’t win anything.
- Big: I would be ok with this guy winning if, and only if, he rocks the whole fur coat the whole time.
- Blogador: He picked the right rock star to steal a gimmick from. Still not the right gimmick so he's not winning, maybe Final 8.
- Brown: The super-athletic guys, not named Shawn Michaels, never win because they’re stupid enough to try top rope gimmicks and get pushed off the turnbuckle.
Hornswoggle
- Big: I'd love to two guys take turns trying to field goal kick him out of the ring, but each time the other guy "Charlie Brown’s" the kicker. I would watch that for about 2 min.
- Blogador: Hopefully we'll see a funny bit where he gets squished between the wide backsides of Umaga and Mic Foley and he turns paper thin and looks like a fathead and gets slid over the top rope.
- Brown: There’s nothing offensive about a midget leprechaun with a dirty face who dances Irish jigs, is there? Nope. If a leprechaun wins this, WWE has done a Lambeau Leap over the shark for the last time.
Mick Foley
- Big: He is my sleeper. I bet he wants just one more major push before he walks away from the game completely.
- Blogador: Though I am the imaginary child of he and Rey Mysterio, Jr. and would love to see him win it won't happen. Him participating the Royal Rumble will be similar to an old QB playing at home throwing an INT in OT in the NFC Championship.
- Brown: How is this not in the gimmick section? Mick Foley hasn’t been relevant since The Rock retired. Does that mean the Rock is coming back? Gotta promote “The Gameplan” don’t you, Duane?
Batista
- Big: #3 in my book. If i were to put odds, he would be 10-1.
- Blogador: Final 4, only because people like muscles. He's a darker, less mic-skills version of Hogan. Big punch, Irish whip, spine-buster.
- Brown: I’ve always thought that if I took a lot of steroids, I’d look like this guy. Then I realize, my testicles are small enough as they are, and I’m not gay enough to get a belly button tattoo. Don’t be surprised if he wins.
Undertaker
- Big: #2 in my book. Odds at 5-1. He could use the win as a way to move over to raw and challenge Orton for the strap, or even go after Edge again.
- Blogador: Final 8, Royal Rumble is not his event, it's Wrestlemania, and as of recent he's in the middle of the card.
- Brown: Wait a minute, was that a Favre crack by Blogador in the Mick Foley section? Nice. Undertaker won’t win, but he’ll be involved with the title at Wrestlemania.
Kane
- Big: For the past 3 years or so, I think the WWE has no idea what to do with Kane. He has the talent, but his monster gimmick just doesn't work in main story lines. He has no chance.
- Blogador: Final 8, no feuds for him to be a part of, he's just a big man with nothing to do. Hey! What's up Larry Allen?
- Brown: Kane supports Ron Paul. Ron Paul won’t win. Therefore, by the transitive property, Kane won’t win.
Jamie Noble
- Blogador: Who? If this were 1997 and cruiserweight battle royal he'd be a good pick. Too bad he's Jamie Noble.
- Big: If this were 1997 and this was a cruiserweight battle royal, I'm taking that crazy guy from WCW who could do the 540.
- Brown: How in the shit did we start talking about cruiserweights? Where is La Parka? Didn’t Jamie Noble lose to Hornswoggle?
Finlay
- Big: His little gay dance in the ring with Hornswoggle might have been the gayest thing I have ever seen.
- Blogador: I'm seeing a final 8 only because he's good at HJ’s and the writers love him. Finlay is horrible, since he opened the curtain in WCW and did nothing else.
- Brown: The guy is “Fit” as in “Fit Finlay” as in an Irish guy who likes to fight. How does Blogador know he gives a solid tug every now and then? Do you guys watch the Real World together? Does Mrs. Blogador know this???
Cody Rhodes
- Big: He is from the same blood line as Dusty Rhodes right? Dusty was one of the best mike guys ever right? So why does this guy sound like he's 14 and his mom just caught him masturbating?
- Blogador: I knocked him in reference to Hardcore Holly, but now that I think about it, if dumb face Eli can get to the Super Bowl, why can't this younger sibling pull something out of his backside? Because he's Cody Rhodes.
- Brown: Dustin Runnels? Shitty gimmick in TNA. Cody Runnels? Shitty gimmick in WWE. Big correctly spelling the word “masturbating”? Priceless. In that kind of world, anything is possible.
Shelton Benjamin
- Big: This is my dark horse. It would give some cred to the failing ECW, and give him a big push into a Punk/Benjamin feud that would be pretty damn good. Now I really doubt he would win, but if they give Punk one of the few spots remaining, then that might be a great spring board to this story.
- Blogador: The equivalent in wrestling to adult film. Great to watch, but you try to go beyond the impressive physical abilities and he doesn't have much. I do see him getting pushed into the Final 8.
- Brown: If he’s going to look like Sisqo, then god damn it, he’d better act like Sisqo if he plans on winning. Enter the dragon, mother fucker!
Carlito
- Big: I love this guy. He has no shot, but I love him.
- Blogador: The underappreciated finally gets another chance. Shelton Benjamin weighed him down, and Flair hogged the spotlight. Here is his chance to feud with a champ.
- Brown: Come on, he’s teaming with Santino Marella, there is no effing way this guy is getting a push.
Santino Marella
- Big: I think Marella is Italian for, "a Brown eye of justice"
- Blogador: Santico, Sanchico, Sanbeepo, San Luis Obispo, Standino Chancetowinna.
- Brown: Maria is going to be in Playboy the same month as Wrestlemania. Santino is in a storyline where he is “dating” Maria. Maria is naked. We ALL win.
Shawn Michaels
- Big: #5. About 15-1 odds. I would love another title run for HBK but he doesn't want that grind, and him vs. Orton has already happened. All though I have heard some rumors about a DX vs. Orton/Kennedy, is that something you would be interested in? Yes, yes I would be.
- Blogador: Final 4 maybe, no lower than Final 8. I see him taking a break until 'Mania.
- Brown: My favorite wrestler of all time. He’ll do the thing where he grabs the top rope to not get eliminated, flip back up and then suffer a MASSIVE clothesline from someone. That’s about it.
Mark Henry
- Big: "Me strong, me not win rumble, but me make mean sandwich afterward"
- Blogador: NORBIT!!! Gimme a break, Henry and Big Daddy V need to get back together and see if they can win on Biggest Loser: Couple Edition
- Brown: This guy still wrestles? Hmmph. Kurt Angle wins a gold medal, he’s got 12 world titles. Mark Henry wins a gold medal, he has sex with an 80 year old woman. Fair is fair. He won’t win.
The Great Khali
- Blogador: AAARRRRGGHHH!!! (Arms raised overhead). That's the depth of the gimmick. I see him getting knocked by a much smaller guy (Jamie Noble?) and trying to push said wrestler as a giant killer a la Rey Mysterio in '06.
- Big: I like Blogador’s idea here. I'm going to go with that.
- Brown: He’ll be the guy who comes in, runs at the ropes, someone pulls down ropes, he falls over. Way to represent the motherland, ass hat.
- Big: #6, 30-1 odds of winning. If he does win, I could see Hardy winning the belt and having a good mike guy (Kennedy) and a fan fav (Hardy) would be great, but I don't see it as "Wrestlemania" great.
- Blogador: Here is your dark horse. yeah he's a big name, kind of. But he's just past the feud with HBK, which he did well. People will see him as a final 4. I see him winning and winning with some controversy leading to a triple threat for the WWE title at Mania between Kennedy, Orton and the next guy.
- Brown: Here’s my desired winner, and if it wasn’t for Triple H, he’d probably be the guy to win. He’s the best up and coming star the WWE has, and he’s the best young mic guy in the business. He’ll be in the final 2, but get eliminated. He’ll have the title BEFORE Wrestlemania and be in defense at Wrestlemania.
Triple H
- Big: #1 guy without a doubt in my book. 2-1 odds. If they want him to stay a baby face, he goes up against Orton, or he could turn heel and go after Hardy. HHH vs. Hardy is good Wrestlemania main event. Throw in a hell in a cell, and you've got something.
- Blogador: He gets shafted and loses to Kennedy. Barring another freak injury, a 3 month build up between the King of Kings, RKO, and Mr. Kennedy will be greatness. RKO just reeks of douche whether he's a face or a heel, Kennedy is legit heel, and Triple H is your Face.
- Brown: Triple H is making a heel turn, and I can almost guarantee it. More than likely, the scenario that Big put out is going to happen, with Orton dropping the strap to Hardy. Triple H will win, why else would they build up his “qualifying” stuff the past few weeks.
Gimmick Guy
- Big; I'm going with Repo Man. I don't know why, but I think we will see that douche this weekend.
- Blogador: Al Snow coming in as all of his characters throughout the rumble. Aldo Montoya, Leif Cassidy, Avatar, and/or Al Snow that bumps it up to 26 or 27.
- Brown: Big Show. Mark it.
See everyone on Sunday.
One Crazy Mo Fo
Our love of wrestling here at the big and the brown can be labeled strong, to quite strong. Its a great escape. We are also children of the late 80's early 90's, so our "golden age" of wrestlers were Hulk Hogan, Bret Heart, and one Ultimate Warrior. The Warrior was my guy for the longest (almost a death wish to a wrestler). I knew he was crazy back in the day, but when I got older, he's craziness got more and more extreme. He now has a blog. And if you like crazy ass people, its greatness. His last entry is here. Its about Heath Ledger. And Its Crazy.
"In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I have watched Brokeback Mountain no less than 45 times and I own the Limited Edition DVD, signed by Willie Nelson a short time after he wrote that queer cowboy song"
About people of the past.
"Reminds me of the courage of classic movie stars, where during the War they enlisted and flew bomber planes and fought on frontlines, then came back and picked up their lives and careers right where they left off"
About Hulk Hogan.
"By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. "
"He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children."
And how Ledgers kids are better of with him dead.
"His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery."
Bat. Shit. Crazy.
"In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I have watched Brokeback Mountain no less than 45 times and I own the Limited Edition DVD, signed by Willie Nelson a short time after he wrote that queer cowboy song"
About people of the past.
"Reminds me of the courage of classic movie stars, where during the War they enlisted and flew bomber planes and fought on frontlines, then came back and picked up their lives and careers right where they left off"
About Hulk Hogan.
"By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. "
"He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children."
And how Ledgers kids are better of with him dead.
"His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery."
Bat. Shit. Crazy.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
The Brown Five - 1/23/08 - Why I hate the Super Bowl
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Non Sports Media
I was running at the gym and caught the end of "Access Hollywood", they were promoting "Access Hollywood's Week at the Super Bowl" and stories about "Tom Brady and Gisele". What the fuck? This is the problem with the Super Bowl. As it has grown, it has become less about playing football and more about "being seen".
2) Commercials
I, as much as the next person, enjoy funny commercials. However, when I'm watching a football game, the commercials are the time where I need to pee or go make a sandwich or get a quickie in with the lady (though I could get that done between first and second down). I appreciate that this is a large and globally watched event, and it's the time to debut your products, but I dont need hype around commercials.
3) Half-time
No one cares. The only half-time show that I really remember was the one where Michael Jackson performed, and seeing as he had look a likes popping out of scoreboards and shit, I don't even know if that wa sreally him. My point here is, half-time should be analysis and Vermeil/Jaworski levels of player breakdowns. I really don't care to see Tom Petty's corpsish face play "Free Fallin'" while the "Up with Life" dancers do a routine around him, I'm just fine listening on my own.
4) Does a game even get played?
I can't remember the last time I actually sat and watched the game. Usually I'm at a party or hosting a party so I've got conversations going on around me or I'm participating in. I'm worried about food and drink all over the place. The last thing that is really on my mind in that instance? Football game.
5) Cheesy tie-ins
This year it's Fox. They already beat us down, oh so royally, with the Terminator show during the past two weeks of the playoffs, and I can only wonder what sorry ass "the writers are on strike" show we're going to get pummeled over the head with now.
1) Non Sports Media
I was running at the gym and caught the end of "Access Hollywood", they were promoting "Access Hollywood's Week at the Super Bowl" and stories about "Tom Brady and Gisele". What the fuck? This is the problem with the Super Bowl. As it has grown, it has become less about playing football and more about "being seen".
2) Commercials
I, as much as the next person, enjoy funny commercials. However, when I'm watching a football game, the commercials are the time where I need to pee or go make a sandwich or get a quickie in with the lady (though I could get that done between first and second down). I appreciate that this is a large and globally watched event, and it's the time to debut your products, but I dont need hype around commercials.
3) Half-time
No one cares. The only half-time show that I really remember was the one where Michael Jackson performed, and seeing as he had look a likes popping out of scoreboards and shit, I don't even know if that wa sreally him. My point here is, half-time should be analysis and Vermeil/Jaworski levels of player breakdowns. I really don't care to see Tom Petty's corpsish face play "Free Fallin'" while the "Up with Life" dancers do a routine around him, I'm just fine listening on my own.
4) Does a game even get played?
I can't remember the last time I actually sat and watched the game. Usually I'm at a party or hosting a party so I've got conversations going on around me or I'm participating in. I'm worried about food and drink all over the place. The last thing that is really on my mind in that instance? Football game.
5) Cheesy tie-ins
This year it's Fox. They already beat us down, oh so royally, with the Terminator show during the past two weeks of the playoffs, and I can only wonder what sorry ass "the writers are on strike" show we're going to get pummeled over the head with now.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
a look....fart 5
Teams 1-6 and Teams 7-10. , teams 11-14. and teams 15-18 A look at the NFL, from the draft point of view, in the draft order.
19. Philadelphia Eagles 8-8
Good: This team was top ten in three of the major offensive categories, Rush yards (8th), Pass yards (10th), and total yards (6th). Brain Westbrooke is the best player in game not named LDT. He rushed for over 1300 yards, caught 90 passes for 700 yards, scored 12 TD's, and gained on average 5.7 yards per touch. Trent Cole for the def had 12 sacs, that's not too shabby.
Bad: A lot of people are going to put Donnovan McNabb in the "bad" area, but I think as the year went on, he got more and more healthy, and really started playing better. The problem might not be him, it might be whats around him. The one year he had a big play WR, they went to the SuperBowl. Kevin Curtis put up nice numbers, but he isn't a game changer. You take that lack of a WR threat, and add it to the fact the eagles QB got sacked 49 times, and its crazy to think D-Mac still almost had a 90 QB rating.
Prediction: McNabb has already said, hey go get me some help. So that's what they need to go after. If the rumors are true Roy Williams wants out of Det, this would be spot number 1 if I was him. They could use help on the DEF as well though, don't rule out a new LB or two in training camp.
Draft: If, and that a big if, DeSean Jackson WR Cal, falls to them, he is the perfect fit for the long haul here, but don't be surprised if they don't think long hall. They may need to win now as their super bowl window is closing. And if that's the way they look at things, then they will go BPA def. Guys like Calais Campbell DE Miami, Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Dan Connor LB Penn St., or Reggie Smith DB Oklahoma, should be some options there.
20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7
Good: First they made the Playoffs. That's a good thing. Next, I don't know what they did, but they rekindled some of the years from the past magic and had the number 1 rated def against the pass this year, and number 2 in total yards against, and number 3 in points scored against. One more good thing, despite rocking the whole year with Earnest "Pajama" Graham as their main RB, they still averaged 111 yards a game. That's good enough for 11th if your keeping track at home.
Bad: On offense, they have one explosive player, and he's like 58 years old. Joe Galloway. While they were real good on Def this year, they still only had 33 sacks as a team. They can do better than that.
Prediction: I think they are going to bank on a Teddy Graham, Cadillac combo in the backfield next year. I think they are going to bring back the workman like Jeff Garcia, who won't lose you many games, but won't win you many either. They are going to have to ask how much longer Derrick Brooks, and Ronde Barber are going to be playing. They need to start looking for these guys replacements.
Draft: They need to get more pressure on the QB, but they think they have their next great d linemen in Gaines Adams, so they probable won't go DE, but a corner, linebacker, and safety could all use help. If certain people fall, don't be surprised to see them take a OT, playmaker WR, or even a QB here to help that O. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Sam Baker OT USC, Mario Manningham WR Michigan, or a slew of Def players.
Two mo' fo' ya' ta' chew on.
(what?)
19. Philadelphia Eagles 8-8
Good: This team was top ten in three of the major offensive categories, Rush yards (8th), Pass yards (10th), and total yards (6th). Brain Westbrooke is the best player in game not named LDT. He rushed for over 1300 yards, caught 90 passes for 700 yards, scored 12 TD's, and gained on average 5.7 yards per touch. Trent Cole for the def had 12 sacs, that's not too shabby.
Bad: A lot of people are going to put Donnovan McNabb in the "bad" area, but I think as the year went on, he got more and more healthy, and really started playing better. The problem might not be him, it might be whats around him. The one year he had a big play WR, they went to the SuperBowl. Kevin Curtis put up nice numbers, but he isn't a game changer. You take that lack of a WR threat, and add it to the fact the eagles QB got sacked 49 times, and its crazy to think D-Mac still almost had a 90 QB rating.
Prediction: McNabb has already said, hey go get me some help. So that's what they need to go after. If the rumors are true Roy Williams wants out of Det, this would be spot number 1 if I was him. They could use help on the DEF as well though, don't rule out a new LB or two in training camp.
Draft: If, and that a big if, DeSean Jackson WR Cal, falls to them, he is the perfect fit for the long haul here, but don't be surprised if they don't think long hall. They may need to win now as their super bowl window is closing. And if that's the way they look at things, then they will go BPA def. Guys like Calais Campbell DE Miami, Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Dan Connor LB Penn St., or Reggie Smith DB Oklahoma, should be some options there.
20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7
Good: First they made the Playoffs. That's a good thing. Next, I don't know what they did, but they rekindled some of the years from the past magic and had the number 1 rated def against the pass this year, and number 2 in total yards against, and number 3 in points scored against. One more good thing, despite rocking the whole year with Earnest "Pajama" Graham as their main RB, they still averaged 111 yards a game. That's good enough for 11th if your keeping track at home.
Bad: On offense, they have one explosive player, and he's like 58 years old. Joe Galloway. While they were real good on Def this year, they still only had 33 sacks as a team. They can do better than that.
Prediction: I think they are going to bank on a Teddy Graham, Cadillac combo in the backfield next year. I think they are going to bring back the workman like Jeff Garcia, who won't lose you many games, but won't win you many either. They are going to have to ask how much longer Derrick Brooks, and Ronde Barber are going to be playing. They need to start looking for these guys replacements.
Draft: They need to get more pressure on the QB, but they think they have their next great d linemen in Gaines Adams, so they probable won't go DE, but a corner, linebacker, and safety could all use help. If certain people fall, don't be surprised to see them take a OT, playmaker WR, or even a QB here to help that O. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Sam Baker OT USC, Mario Manningham WR Michigan, or a slew of Def players.
Two mo' fo' ya' ta' chew on.
(what?)
The Brown Five - 1/22/08 - Is quoting Chappelle's Show allowed again?
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Is Brown going to admit he may have been wrong?
Yes. Yes I am. I've been down on Eli Manning ever since he was at Ole Miss. I never believed the guy was capable of winning a damn thing, let alone being a leader on this team. If you look at the past three years, you'd have to agree with me. However, something has happened to the Giants team this year that has let Eli become a leader. No Shockey, and no Tiki. Those two guys are such a-holes, that a diminutive guy like Manning could never take charge. With both of them gone, he's able to produce.
2) Tom Brady was seen in a walking boot yesterday
I'll bet money says that his coach told him to wear it around New York to make New York think they have a chance. I'm telling you, I can't believe that the cities of Boston and New York are fighting for a championship of some kind...I mean that kind of thing never happens. I hope that some network out there picks up on this and decides to focus on it. Read my post on team perception, as I think it might have more weight now.
3) Nets and Pacers considering a deal
If you haven't heard, they are considering, what amounts to a Jermaine O'Neal for Vince Carter. O'Neal's monster contract just become more attractive because it's coming off the books soon. If he's health, a combination of O'Neal, Kidd, and Jefferson is pretty formidable in a slowly stronger Eastern conference. That's a team that can contend with the Detroits and Bostons of the world. Of course, Indiana becomes that much worse on defense, and an additon of Carter would make them crave a coach like Don Nelson.
4) This year's dunk contest, might be worth watching
Gerald Green, Rudy Gay, Dwight Howard, and my favorite, Jamario Moon. The extra incentive this year? Fan votes by text message. If I don't see Dwight Howard use like a medicine ball instead of a basketball, just to fuck with people, then I'm going to be disappointed. Don't kid yourself, he could do it.
5) Join us Sunday night at 7 PM
We're live blogging the WWE Royal Rumble. Should be a good time. Me, Big and the Blogador drunk and watching wrestling. Entertainment!
1) Is Brown going to admit he may have been wrong?
Yes. Yes I am. I've been down on Eli Manning ever since he was at Ole Miss. I never believed the guy was capable of winning a damn thing, let alone being a leader on this team. If you look at the past three years, you'd have to agree with me. However, something has happened to the Giants team this year that has let Eli become a leader. No Shockey, and no Tiki. Those two guys are such a-holes, that a diminutive guy like Manning could never take charge. With both of them gone, he's able to produce.
2) Tom Brady was seen in a walking boot yesterday
I'll bet money says that his coach told him to wear it around New York to make New York think they have a chance. I'm telling you, I can't believe that the cities of Boston and New York are fighting for a championship of some kind...I mean that kind of thing never happens. I hope that some network out there picks up on this and decides to focus on it. Read my post on team perception, as I think it might have more weight now.
3) Nets and Pacers considering a deal
If you haven't heard, they are considering, what amounts to a Jermaine O'Neal for Vince Carter. O'Neal's monster contract just become more attractive because it's coming off the books soon. If he's health, a combination of O'Neal, Kidd, and Jefferson is pretty formidable in a slowly stronger Eastern conference. That's a team that can contend with the Detroits and Bostons of the world. Of course, Indiana becomes that much worse on defense, and an additon of Carter would make them crave a coach like Don Nelson.
4) This year's dunk contest, might be worth watching
Gerald Green, Rudy Gay, Dwight Howard, and my favorite, Jamario Moon. The extra incentive this year? Fan votes by text message. If I don't see Dwight Howard use like a medicine ball instead of a basketball, just to fuck with people, then I'm going to be disappointed. Don't kid yourself, he could do it.
5) Join us Sunday night at 7 PM
We're live blogging the WWE Royal Rumble. Should be a good time. Me, Big and the Blogador drunk and watching wrestling. Entertainment!
Friday, January 18, 2008
Gee, I can't wait.
I can tell you what I'm not looking forward to in the coming weeks, and that's going to be the onslaught of media "knob-slobbing" of whoever makes it to the Super Bowl this year. Think about it, in just about any scenario you have a story that ESPN and company are going to beat us all down with. It really makes you yearn for the days where they didn't have a week off between conference championships and the Super Bowl.
Patriot Stories to expect....
You can mix and match these stories all day long, no matter what the match up is, and I guarantee you'll be so god damned tired of the game before it happens that you're not going to have the energy to sit through the "Beat Down Extravaganza" that Super Bowl weekend has become.
Patriot Stories to expect....
- The obvious one, "19 - 0"
- "Tom Brady, media dreamboat number 2"
- "Rodney Harrison, is he really that dirty?" (Yes. Yes he is)
- "Teddy Bruschi. Remember him? He had a stroke! Look at him now! Fuck you Kirk Douglas!"
- "Red Sox, Celtics, Patriots, isn't Boston due for a typhoon soon?"
- "Brett Favre, media dreamboat number 1"
- "Deanna Favre had breast cancer!"
- "I bet Jevon Walker feels like a real dumb ass now"
- "Just who is Ryan Grant, and why should I care?"
- "Will Brett Favre retire now?"
- "See? Ernie Accorsi knew what he was doing with Eli!"
- "Eli Manning discovered hair in his special places"
- "Osi Umenyiora aims at the gap in Strahan's teeth"
- "Hey, Tiki, does Bettis have burrito-farts?"
- "Tom Coughlin. Tom Coughlin!?"
- "See? A.J. Smith knew what he was doing with Eli!"
- "LaDanian isn't a cry baby, he just loves the game so much"
- "As far as we're concerned, Merriman and Castillo never used steroids" (Yes they did)
- "Marty Schottenheimer sucks and so does Wade Phillips, but Norv's all right"
- "San Diego burnt down, and now the Chargers are on fire"
You can mix and match these stories all day long, no matter what the match up is, and I guarantee you'll be so god damned tired of the game before it happens that you're not going to have the energy to sit through the "Beat Down Extravaganza" that Super Bowl weekend has become.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Porn meet Wrestling
There is no doubt that we here at the big and the brown are big wresting fans. As a matter of fact I would like to take this time to invite you to read along, as we do our first live blog, a week from Sunday, during the 2nd best wresting PPV of the year, Royal Rumble. That said when some wrestling news hits, we like to talk about it. Here is one of those times.
Joe Sports fan has this article about a former WWE/WWF star who is now getting into a new gig. The wrestler is Gangrel. And he is getting into porn.
Yup that guy. He has signed a 12 movie exclusive directing deal with New Porn Order (nPo). I swear to you I can't make this stuff up.
Joe Sports fan has this article about a former WWE/WWF star who is now getting into a new gig. The wrestler is Gangrel. And he is getting into porn.
Yup that guy. He has signed a 12 movie exclusive directing deal with New Porn Order (nPo). I swear to you I can't make this stuff up.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Terrell Owens's "American Idol" Tryout
Terrell Owens's "American Idol" Tryout
"What's your name, dawg?"
"Terrell"
"Aww, you're cute.""Thanks."
"Wot ah you going to sing fo us?"
"He's The Quarterback""All right, dawg, I like it, go ahead, dawg."
"The clock's running downThe team's losing ground
To the opposing defense
The young quarterback
Waits for the snap
When suddenly it all starts to make sense"
"...""He takes a step backHe's under attack
But he knows that no one can touch him now
He seems so at ease
A strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow"
"Stop stop stop. Wot ah you dooing? Wot was that?
That was terrible. I have nevah huhd ehnything soo baad!"
"Yeah, dawg, that was bad, dawg. I'm sorry, dawg."
That was terrible. I have nevah huhd ehnything soo baad!"
"Yeah, dawg, that was bad, dawg. I'm sorry, dawg.""I like drugs and alcohol!"
"He's my teammate..That's my quarterback..
It's not fair...
It's really not fair!"
What drives perception, you or your team?
This is a topic that I've been sitting on for awhile, and I'm not really sure how I want to frame my argument. Essentially the question I'm asking here is, do we, the sports republic, drive our perception of a team by the actions of its respective entities or the actions/mentality of its fanbase. (For the sake of the argument, I'm saying "both" is a cop out.)
It's the entities that make up the team, right?
When you look back on the history of any sport, you can pretty much bet that we look at, very generally, two types of teams: winners and losers. Dominant winners are usually made up of a model head coach, one (if not more) all-stars and a surrounding cast of characters that act as role players, feel-good stories or just general spares. We can appreciate winners for what they are, and we can feel sorry for losers for what they are. All fan-dom loyalties aside, very rarely do you hate a loser for losing, and very rarely do you hate a winner for winning.
The argument I'm making here is that we, in general, perceive that a team is great based on the entities that make it up, and in turn we support the well built franchises and mildly pay attention to those that aren't.
Case in point: The 1980's San Fransisco 49ers.
The 49ers in the 80's were an unstoppable juggernaut in professional football. Eddie DeBartolo calling the shots in the building. Bill Walsh calling the shots on the sidelines. Joe Montana calling the shots on the field. A cast of all-stars and characters, Rice, Lott, Barton, Taylor, Rathman, Craig, etc.
Again, fan-dom loyalties aside, people loved this team and admired the accomplishments because they were so well put together and executed things as best as could be done, winning the title 4 times. From what I remember, people wanted this team to win. People loved seeing this team win.
However...can't we say the same about the 90's Cowboys or this year's Patriots?
Jerry Jones in the building, Jimmy on the sideline, Aikman on the field. Smith, Irvin, Harper, Novacek, Haley, Norton Jr, Woodson, etc.
Bob Kraft in the building, Belichick on the sideline, Brady on the field. Moss, Stallworth, Harrison, Bruschi, Welker, Maroney, etc.
Aren't these Patriots just as well put together as those 49er teams? Weren't the Cowboys of the 90's just as well put together as those 49er teams?
Then why is it that the perception of the Patriots today or the Cowboys of yesterday as a sorry sack of crap and "God! I hope they lose!" type feeling?
The fans.
Cowboys fans in the 90's and Patriots fans today have THAT thing in common. That over-sense of entitlement. It's that sense of total "douchebaggery" that sets the rest of the sports nation off. It's that constant thought that "we're better than yoU because we're fans of this team" idea that drives everyone else to want to kill.
Think about it. If the term "Mass-hole" never existed, and Simmons actually wrote like he used to, and the stereotypical fan of the Patriots wasn't, well, how they are, would you hate the Patriots or would you actually like them and want to see them win?
Look at it..
A Few Successful But Generally Hated Franchises*
-New York Yankees
-Boston Red Sox
-Dallas Cowboys
-New England Patriots
-Los Angeles Lakers
-Chicago Bulls
-Notre Dame Fighting Irish
-University of Southern California Trojans
-Texas A&M University Aggies
-Duke University Blue Devils
A Few Successful But Generally Liked Franchises*
-San Fransisco 49ers
-San Antonio Spurs
-Indianapolis Colts
-Detroit Pistons
-Green Bay Packers
*I'm heavily-stressing the "generally" here. Try to forget your allegiances. This is probably just my opinion anyway.
Notice the lack of well-liked franchises? Now correlate that to the general fan-base and pick out the most stereotypical fan. See the point?
Looking back and reading this, I'm not really sure I made any kind of a point here that wasn't pretty blatantly obvious. It seems fairly clear that we don't care about the entities or the accomplishments of a sports franchise, but more how the fans are of that particular franchise. The way the fans act is how we perceive that franchise.
Think about that the next time you want to try and rub it in someone else's face that "your team" won and "their team" lost. Not only are you coming off as a total dick, but you're making "your team" that much more hated.
It's the entities that make up the team, right?
When you look back on the history of any sport, you can pretty much bet that we look at, very generally, two types of teams: winners and losers. Dominant winners are usually made up of a model head coach, one (if not more) all-stars and a surrounding cast of characters that act as role players, feel-good stories or just general spares. We can appreciate winners for what they are, and we can feel sorry for losers for what they are. All fan-dom loyalties aside, very rarely do you hate a loser for losing, and very rarely do you hate a winner for winning.
The argument I'm making here is that we, in general, perceive that a team is great based on the entities that make it up, and in turn we support the well built franchises and mildly pay attention to those that aren't.
Case in point: The 1980's San Fransisco 49ers.
The 49ers in the 80's were an unstoppable juggernaut in professional football. Eddie DeBartolo calling the shots in the building. Bill Walsh calling the shots on the sidelines. Joe Montana calling the shots on the field. A cast of all-stars and characters, Rice, Lott, Barton, Taylor, Rathman, Craig, etc.
Again, fan-dom loyalties aside, people loved this team and admired the accomplishments because they were so well put together and executed things as best as could be done, winning the title 4 times. From what I remember, people wanted this team to win. People loved seeing this team win.
However...can't we say the same about the 90's Cowboys or this year's Patriots?
Jerry Jones in the building, Jimmy on the sideline, Aikman on the field. Smith, Irvin, Harper, Novacek, Haley, Norton Jr, Woodson, etc.
Bob Kraft in the building, Belichick on the sideline, Brady on the field. Moss, Stallworth, Harrison, Bruschi, Welker, Maroney, etc.
Aren't these Patriots just as well put together as those 49er teams? Weren't the Cowboys of the 90's just as well put together as those 49er teams?
Then why is it that the perception of the Patriots today or the Cowboys of yesterday as a sorry sack of crap and "God! I hope they lose!" type feeling?
The fans.
Cowboys fans in the 90's and Patriots fans today have THAT thing in common. That over-sense of entitlement. It's that sense of total "douchebaggery" that sets the rest of the sports nation off. It's that constant thought that "we're better than yoU because we're fans of this team" idea that drives everyone else to want to kill.
Think about it. If the term "Mass-hole" never existed, and Simmons actually wrote like he used to, and the stereotypical fan of the Patriots wasn't, well, how they are, would you hate the Patriots or would you actually like them and want to see them win?
Look at it..
A Few Successful But Generally Hated Franchises*
-New York Yankees
-Boston Red Sox
-Dallas Cowboys
-New England Patriots
-Los Angeles Lakers
-Chicago Bulls
-Notre Dame Fighting Irish
-University of Southern California Trojans
-Texas A&M University Aggies
-Duke University Blue Devils
A Few Successful But Generally Liked Franchises*
-San Fransisco 49ers
-San Antonio Spurs
-Indianapolis Colts
-Detroit Pistons
-Green Bay Packers
*I'm heavily-stressing the "generally" here. Try to forget your allegiances. This is probably just my opinion anyway.
Notice the lack of well-liked franchises? Now correlate that to the general fan-base and pick out the most stereotypical fan. See the point?
Looking back and reading this, I'm not really sure I made any kind of a point here that wasn't pretty blatantly obvious. It seems fairly clear that we don't care about the entities or the accomplishments of a sports franchise, but more how the fans are of that particular franchise. The way the fans act is how we perceive that franchise.
Think about that the next time you want to try and rub it in someone else's face that "your team" won and "their team" lost. Not only are you coming off as a total dick, but you're making "your team" that much more hated.
"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!
I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.
"I guess the MILF Technology Convention is in Philly this year."
a look.......part 4
Teams 1-6 and Teams 7-10. and teams 11-14. A look at the NFL, from the draft point of view, in the draft order.
15 Detroit Lions 7-9
Good: Team started 6-4. That's damn good for this team. 9th in the passing game, with God's QB Jon Kitna going over 4,000. Best WR on this team statistically? Shaun McDonald, 79 rec, 943 yrds, 6 TD's, all team highs. At times Roy Williams and Chad Johnson look great. Young Ernie Sims led the team with 134 tackles and forced 3 fumbles. Not bad for a 23 year old.
Bad: The entire defense, and the run game. Look at these numbers, 31st in rushing yards. I know in a Mike Martz system you throw way more than you pass, but come on, 31st? Def: 32nd in points, 32 in yards given up, 31 in pass yards against, 23rd in rush. That's not a playoff team at all.
Prediction: After taking a WR in what seams like the past 15 years in the first round, this team has st start answers some of its DEF questions. I think they will let Shaun Rodgers leave and try to get a fist or second rounder for him. That might be a little light, but if they will take a 3, then i believe the line forms to the right. A combo of O Line and all things DEF will be looked at during the free agent period.
Draft: The thing is, one of the top 3 QB's might very well still be here, and if he is this team would have to look real hard at themselves and ask the question, is Jon Kitna going to lead us to the promise land? I doubt the answer will be yes, even for Detroit. If they don't go QB they MUST go BPA DEF. Guys like Calais Campbell, DE, Miami, Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio St., Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma, should all be here for them to choose.
16 Arizona Cardinals 8-8
Good: First year head coach Ken Whisenhunt did a fine job with this team this year. Thinking that his starting QB and one of his best WR's went down early, one didn't come back at all, the other just didn't look right the rest of the year, 8-8 is damn good. 5th best passing yards, 7th most points, and the defense started showing signs of life, they were 9th best against the rush.
Bad: Like I said the Defense starting showing something, but they still have a long ass way to go. 27th in points against, and 28 against the pass. Coach Whisenhunt has his work cut out for him, and he might need to find a new RB as it is rumored Edge James wants out in Arizona.
Prediction: This team really took a step this year, but they aren't even close to hanging with the elites yet. The defense is just too suspect. They need to get some pass rushing and some secondary help. This can be either in the draft or in free agency. Rumor is that Terrell Suggs, who played college ball in Tempe, is interested in coming to the "Buzzsaw."
Draft: If they get Suggs then they can go after the best secondary player available. Kenny Phillips, S, Miami, Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma, and Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida could all be there at pick 16.
17 Minnesota Vikings 8-8
Good: Two words, Adrian Peterson. I was down on Minnesota last year after the draft for taking a running back when you had a perfectly good one on your roster. I'm not a fan of over loading talent (look at DET and ARI WR's, DAL LB's) at one position during the draft, but this might have saved the Vikings. 5.6 yards per Carry. 1341 yards. You throw in Chester Taylor's 844 yards and you got one hell of a 1-2 punch that teams want these days, and the #1 rated rushing attack in the game. Sidney Rice at times showed he had the ability to be the #1 guy this team needs. Ohh and this Defense was 1st against the rush again, and scored 6 TD's.
Bad: The worst thing that may have happened to this team is that QB Tarvaris Jackson showed just enough signs last season that they might give him one more year. BAD IDEA. Jackson isn't a starting quality NFL QB. Plan and simple.
Prediction: If any team is in need of going out and getting a vet QB, its these guys. I was saying during the season that they should get Donny McNab, but now it doesn't look like McNugget will leave Philly. Dark horse? Kurt Warner.
Draft: I really really doubt they will be thinking QB here, but if they do, one of the Big 3 will still be around more than likely. Another school of thought is that they take (another) WR. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma, are both top notch guys. The smart thing to do might be going after a speed rusher like Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Derrick Harvey DE Florida, or Calais Campbell DE Miami. Groves didn't have the best senor season, but is a fine all round DE, Harvey and Campbell will need some seasoning, but they have a shot to be rock stars.
18. Houston Texans 8-8
Good: Turns out the QB was the problem! David Carr just sucked! That's good news for the Texans as they found a guy who might be the QB of future, Matt Shaub, and the next great WR, Andre Johnson. Mario Williams finally looks like he was worth the #1 pick last year.
Bad: The Defense that looked to be making strides last season didn't do that this year. 25th in pass def, and 22 in points allowed just won't cut it. DeMarco Ryans will still be a fantastic inside guy, but they need some help from the outside linebackers. I don't know what would have happened if this team had Ahman Green all year, but they need help in the run game.
Prediction: Next year, playoffs. With one or two moves this off season these guys can overtake Tennessee in a heart beat.
Draft: I think they go RB in the first and then just a bunch of defensive players the rest of the way. Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon, Felix Jones Rb Arkansas, Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois, or Steve Slaton, West Virginia, depending on what kind of back they want. Stewart and Jones would be best if they were to be ahead in the depth chart of Green, Slaton if they want Green to still be the man.
Well over half way done. Lets all get together and sell this bitch out.
15 Detroit Lions 7-9
Good: Team started 6-4. That's damn good for this team. 9th in the passing game, with God's QB Jon Kitna going over 4,000. Best WR on this team statistically? Shaun McDonald, 79 rec, 943 yrds, 6 TD's, all team highs. At times Roy Williams and Chad Johnson look great. Young Ernie Sims led the team with 134 tackles and forced 3 fumbles. Not bad for a 23 year old.
Bad: The entire defense, and the run game. Look at these numbers, 31st in rushing yards. I know in a Mike Martz system you throw way more than you pass, but come on, 31st? Def: 32nd in points, 32 in yards given up, 31 in pass yards against, 23rd in rush. That's not a playoff team at all.
Prediction: After taking a WR in what seams like the past 15 years in the first round, this team has st start answers some of its DEF questions. I think they will let Shaun Rodgers leave and try to get a fist or second rounder for him. That might be a little light, but if they will take a 3, then i believe the line forms to the right. A combo of O Line and all things DEF will be looked at during the free agent period.
Draft: The thing is, one of the top 3 QB's might very well still be here, and if he is this team would have to look real hard at themselves and ask the question, is Jon Kitna going to lead us to the promise land? I doubt the answer will be yes, even for Detroit. If they don't go QB they MUST go BPA DEF. Guys like Calais Campbell, DE, Miami, Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio St., Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma, should all be here for them to choose.
16 Arizona Cardinals 8-8
Good: First year head coach Ken Whisenhunt did a fine job with this team this year. Thinking that his starting QB and one of his best WR's went down early, one didn't come back at all, the other just didn't look right the rest of the year, 8-8 is damn good. 5th best passing yards, 7th most points, and the defense started showing signs of life, they were 9th best against the rush.
Bad: Like I said the Defense starting showing something, but they still have a long ass way to go. 27th in points against, and 28 against the pass. Coach Whisenhunt has his work cut out for him, and he might need to find a new RB as it is rumored Edge James wants out in Arizona.
Prediction: This team really took a step this year, but they aren't even close to hanging with the elites yet. The defense is just too suspect. They need to get some pass rushing and some secondary help. This can be either in the draft or in free agency. Rumor is that Terrell Suggs, who played college ball in Tempe, is interested in coming to the "Buzzsaw."
Draft: If they get Suggs then they can go after the best secondary player available. Kenny Phillips, S, Miami, Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma, and Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida could all be there at pick 16.
17 Minnesota Vikings 8-8
Good: Two words, Adrian Peterson. I was down on Minnesota last year after the draft for taking a running back when you had a perfectly good one on your roster. I'm not a fan of over loading talent (look at DET and ARI WR's, DAL LB's) at one position during the draft, but this might have saved the Vikings. 5.6 yards per Carry. 1341 yards. You throw in Chester Taylor's 844 yards and you got one hell of a 1-2 punch that teams want these days, and the #1 rated rushing attack in the game. Sidney Rice at times showed he had the ability to be the #1 guy this team needs. Ohh and this Defense was 1st against the rush again, and scored 6 TD's.
Bad: The worst thing that may have happened to this team is that QB Tarvaris Jackson showed just enough signs last season that they might give him one more year. BAD IDEA. Jackson isn't a starting quality NFL QB. Plan and simple.
Prediction: If any team is in need of going out and getting a vet QB, its these guys. I was saying during the season that they should get Donny McNab, but now it doesn't look like McNugget will leave Philly. Dark horse? Kurt Warner.
Draft: I really really doubt they will be thinking QB here, but if they do, one of the Big 3 will still be around more than likely. Another school of thought is that they take (another) WR. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma, are both top notch guys. The smart thing to do might be going after a speed rusher like Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Derrick Harvey DE Florida, or Calais Campbell DE Miami. Groves didn't have the best senor season, but is a fine all round DE, Harvey and Campbell will need some seasoning, but they have a shot to be rock stars.
18. Houston Texans 8-8
Good: Turns out the QB was the problem! David Carr just sucked! That's good news for the Texans as they found a guy who might be the QB of future, Matt Shaub, and the next great WR, Andre Johnson. Mario Williams finally looks like he was worth the #1 pick last year.
Bad: The Defense that looked to be making strides last season didn't do that this year. 25th in pass def, and 22 in points allowed just won't cut it. DeMarco Ryans will still be a fantastic inside guy, but they need some help from the outside linebackers. I don't know what would have happened if this team had Ahman Green all year, but they need help in the run game.
Prediction: Next year, playoffs. With one or two moves this off season these guys can overtake Tennessee in a heart beat.
Draft: I think they go RB in the first and then just a bunch of defensive players the rest of the way. Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon, Felix Jones Rb Arkansas, Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois, or Steve Slaton, West Virginia, depending on what kind of back they want. Stewart and Jones would be best if they were to be ahead in the depth chart of Green, Slaton if they want Green to still be the man.
Well over half way done. Lets all get together and sell this bitch out.
And down goes one.
The sometimes great Jay Glazer is saying that Tony Sparano is gone to the Phins. Not a big surprise. It's the thing that we all thought Big Bill over in Miami would do. He got his "guy." A no nonsense, hard noised dude. While i have no idea how good a head coach this guy is going to be, I can tell you this, he will be missed here in Dallas. Maybe even more so that Jason Garret. He was the "get in your face" guy that every team needs.
So goodbye Tony S. You look like Hitler had a gay baby with James Gandolfini.
So goodbye Tony S. You look like Hitler had a gay baby with James Gandolfini.
The Brown Five - 1/16/07 - The Prodigal Son Returns
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) What happened?
Major Applewhite is coming home. All reports are saying that later today or tomorrow morning they will hold a presser to announce that Major Applewhite will be the new running backs coach at his (and my) alma mater, the University of Texas at Austin.
2) Why'd he do that?
Yes, it's a "step back" from being the OC at Alabama. However, in this situation, Applewhite is coming to a more dynamic program, not run by Nick Saban. He's working with a better recruting pool. Sure, he'll have to be under Greg Davis, but I have a feeling it'll be no time flat before Davis is out and Applewhite is the man with the headset.
3) What does this mean?
Well, besides the fact that the entire state of Alabama probably wants to declare war on the city of Austin? Great things. With Muschamp and Applewhite coming in, Mack Brown is making the statement to alumni and fans that he's tired of the status quo and realizes that things need to be shaken up. Muschamp is going to make the defense an aggresive, blitz-first oriented group. Applewhite is going to incorporate new wrinkles to the offense to open the door beyond Texas's normal zone read offense.
4) Does it affect recruiting?
You're damn skippy it does. Mack Brown, again, is showing that he's not happy with the status quo and he wants to see things change. He wants things to be more dynamic and more prolific. Mack Brown is already a great recruiter, and this gives him more bullets in the chamber.
5) How does it affect Brown?
Well, I've made no secret that I, like any Texas student on campus from 1998-2001, have a man-crush on Major. There was something about the guy that made him a fan favorite, it's hard to explain. It's the same way you might find older Texas fans gushing over Peter Gardere and James Brown in the late 1980's and mid 1990's. It's given me a renewed sense of fandom about my team, and it's made me, for at least an hour, forget about a certain Sunday debacle.
1) What happened?
Major Applewhite is coming home. All reports are saying that later today or tomorrow morning they will hold a presser to announce that Major Applewhite will be the new running backs coach at his (and my) alma mater, the University of Texas at Austin.
2) Why'd he do that?
Yes, it's a "step back" from being the OC at Alabama. However, in this situation, Applewhite is coming to a more dynamic program, not run by Nick Saban. He's working with a better recruting pool. Sure, he'll have to be under Greg Davis, but I have a feeling it'll be no time flat before Davis is out and Applewhite is the man with the headset.
3) What does this mean?
Well, besides the fact that the entire state of Alabama probably wants to declare war on the city of Austin? Great things. With Muschamp and Applewhite coming in, Mack Brown is making the statement to alumni and fans that he's tired of the status quo and realizes that things need to be shaken up. Muschamp is going to make the defense an aggresive, blitz-first oriented group. Applewhite is going to incorporate new wrinkles to the offense to open the door beyond Texas's normal zone read offense.
4) Does it affect recruiting?
You're damn skippy it does. Mack Brown, again, is showing that he's not happy with the status quo and he wants to see things change. He wants things to be more dynamic and more prolific. Mack Brown is already a great recruiter, and this gives him more bullets in the chamber.
5) How does it affect Brown?
Well, I've made no secret that I, like any Texas student on campus from 1998-2001, have a man-crush on Major. There was something about the guy that made him a fan favorite, it's hard to explain. It's the same way you might find older Texas fans gushing over Peter Gardere and James Brown in the late 1980's and mid 1990's. It's given me a renewed sense of fandom about my team, and it's made me, for at least an hour, forget about a certain Sunday debacle.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Brown Five - 1/15/08 - LeBron can't drive...55!
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) He's not a machine! He bleeds!
The Wizards dropped the Celtics yesterday, marking the Celts losing their third out of the last four they've played since entrenching themselves as the league's best team. Why, you may ask? I'll tell you. In trading the farm for the two to go with the one and make the big three, the Celtics sacrifices A LOT of depth on the bench. Given that Doc is a coach that likes to try and play everyone, there is only so much one man can do when he's rolling out spares to rest stars.
2) So, who is the best point guard?
Big mentioned it in his trade machine dream, that Jason Kidd might be the best point guard in the game today. Throw in Steve Nash and a few other names and there is a good debate. What about tomorrow? Chris Paul or Deron Williams? Williams has size and range, Paul has speed and court vision. Think about it...Williams bullies and punishes opposing guards with a pick and roll that bugs your eyes. Paul is like Speedy Gonzalez, only with Nash's ability to find the smallest of passing windows.
3) Cavs extend Brown's contract
Even though the Cavaliers have struggled to stay on top of the East after going to the Finals last season, Dan Gilbert and Danny Ferry haave decided to tack on two more years to Mike Brown's contract. The excuse for the poor play this year is the Varejao and Pavlovic hold outs and the LeBron finger injury. James is saying the right thing about Brown's extension being a good thing, but I'm not so sure that Brown has really done much of anything. James carries this team, and no one has made a move to get him a second banana.
4) Mavs season starts with a loss
Yes, I know the Mavs are deep into the season, but things don't "officially" start in Dallas until the Cowboys lose. Just to remind people how the season really did start, the Mavs lost to the Sad Sac Kings. They played pretty sloppy ball, and by the time they regained their style of play, it was too late. Kevin Martin was the star in Sacramento after hurting his knee ealier this year. If you're wondering about defense my only answer is to shrug my shoulders and say "I dunno"
5) Jerry Stackhouse is dropping an album
Oh yeah, here's a good idea. Remember Shaq, Kobe, Jason Kidd, etc all dropped albums? Well, now Stack is thinking he should do so as well. HOWEVER...remember the few times Stack has sung the national anthem at Mavs games? Pretty good, right? I'm just saying...
1) He's not a machine! He bleeds!
The Wizards dropped the Celtics yesterday, marking the Celts losing their third out of the last four they've played since entrenching themselves as the league's best team. Why, you may ask? I'll tell you. In trading the farm for the two to go with the one and make the big three, the Celtics sacrifices A LOT of depth on the bench. Given that Doc is a coach that likes to try and play everyone, there is only so much one man can do when he's rolling out spares to rest stars.
2) So, who is the best point guard?
Big mentioned it in his trade machine dream, that Jason Kidd might be the best point guard in the game today. Throw in Steve Nash and a few other names and there is a good debate. What about tomorrow? Chris Paul or Deron Williams? Williams has size and range, Paul has speed and court vision. Think about it...Williams bullies and punishes opposing guards with a pick and roll that bugs your eyes. Paul is like Speedy Gonzalez, only with Nash's ability to find the smallest of passing windows.
3) Cavs extend Brown's contract
Even though the Cavaliers have struggled to stay on top of the East after going to the Finals last season, Dan Gilbert and Danny Ferry haave decided to tack on two more years to Mike Brown's contract. The excuse for the poor play this year is the Varejao and Pavlovic hold outs and the LeBron finger injury. James is saying the right thing about Brown's extension being a good thing, but I'm not so sure that Brown has really done much of anything. James carries this team, and no one has made a move to get him a second banana.
4) Mavs season starts with a loss
Yes, I know the Mavs are deep into the season, but things don't "officially" start in Dallas until the Cowboys lose. Just to remind people how the season really did start, the Mavs lost to the Sad Sac Kings. They played pretty sloppy ball, and by the time they regained their style of play, it was too late. Kevin Martin was the star in Sacramento after hurting his knee ealier this year. If you're wondering about defense my only answer is to shrug my shoulders and say "I dunno"
5) Jerry Stackhouse is dropping an album
Oh yeah, here's a good idea. Remember Shaq, Kobe, Jason Kidd, etc all dropped albums? Well, now Stack is thinking he should do so as well. HOWEVER...remember the few times Stack has sung the national anthem at Mavs games? Pretty good, right? I'm just saying...
Monday, January 14, 2008
welp, see ya later
I haven't had this hard of time thinking of a post since we started this whole website thing. When you think about it, if you are a real big fan of ANY sports team, you are set up to fail. Every year, in every sport, there is only one winner, only one team that is number 1, only one team that rocks a trophy at the end. That leaves some 30 other teams a loser. I know there are some times when just making progress is all you hope for, but in the end, for real, one team wins, everybody else doesn't.
The year of 2007 was one hell of a sports year for Dallas. 67 wins for the Mavs. Dallas becomes the NFC team to beat. The Stars come into the playoffs hot, and the Rangers sucked, but that's pretty status quo. What do they all have in common? Fucked up first round of the playoffs. I know that the cowboys lost in 2008, but it was the 2007 season.
It is so hard as a fan to keep getting punched in the crouch and keep believing.
But that's what we do.
We look at the person that kicked us in the nuts, smile, and say "Thank you sir can I have another."
I'm sure I will get into why the boys lost, where they need to go form here, and all that jazz. But damn that was a fun season! Can't wait for that first time we play the Giants next year. There will be blood.
So buck up, and get back on the saddle. The best text i got yesterday after the game was from the Mexican, it said, "Fuck that was a good game, At least now I can look forward to the draft."
Thank you sir. May I have another?
The Brown Five - 1/14/08 - Black Monday
The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Huh?!
So, the Cowboys decided to continue their streak!! Problem is, that streak is not winning a playoff game since 1998. Hoo and ray. To provide you with the mother of all sports-cliches: the Giants were playing to win, and the Cowboys were playing not to lose. Not but a few times did the Cowboys go deep and test the wounded secondary. The offensive line was jittery as hell and the defense was trying too hard to not mess up, they did. Guh.
2) Who's to blame?!
Everyone would really really like to point the finger at "the Story", Tony Romo. I just don't think you can do that. Sure, he didn't have his best game, but I'd think he did what he could given the situation. Owens? No, he was still hurt and managed to draw double teams. Glenn? Nah, he made some catches that were pretty well done. Crayton? Easy to say, yes. He dropped too many crucial passes, especially after opening his big fucking mouth. No, I blame the offensive line. Stupid penalties. Terrible snaps. Zero protection. Good AND bad offenses start with the offensive line.
3) What now?!
Coaches interviewing, pissed off Jerry, annoyed fan base. Kind of sounds like status quo for the past 10 years if you ask me. Wade's going to reassess the situation and prep for the draft. Don't make any mistakes, Wade Phillips is going to be the coach here. Garrett will go to Baltimore, Sparano is going to go to Miami and don't be surprised if a few other assistants go with them. The first thing is to reload the coaching staff and set for the draft. Romo is going to go away for 3 months and then you'll see him showing up at celebrity events.
4) What about the football season?
To be honest, I'm damn near out now. Will I watch? Yes. Will I be really really actively paying attention? Minimally. Who am I pulling for? Green Bay. I'd love for Favre to meet the Patriots in the Super Bowl. The Patriots would win, but I think it'd be really cool to see Berman and Madden have respective heart attacks on the air.
5) What about the blog?
Not many of you read my shit anyway. I just steal stuff from other blogs and claim it's mine. Read Big's stuff. He knows what he's doing.
1) Huh?!
So, the Cowboys decided to continue their streak!! Problem is, that streak is not winning a playoff game since 1998. Hoo and ray. To provide you with the mother of all sports-cliches: the Giants were playing to win, and the Cowboys were playing not to lose. Not but a few times did the Cowboys go deep and test the wounded secondary. The offensive line was jittery as hell and the defense was trying too hard to not mess up, they did. Guh.
2) Who's to blame?!
Everyone would really really like to point the finger at "the Story", Tony Romo. I just don't think you can do that. Sure, he didn't have his best game, but I'd think he did what he could given the situation. Owens? No, he was still hurt and managed to draw double teams. Glenn? Nah, he made some catches that were pretty well done. Crayton? Easy to say, yes. He dropped too many crucial passes, especially after opening his big fucking mouth. No, I blame the offensive line. Stupid penalties. Terrible snaps. Zero protection. Good AND bad offenses start with the offensive line.
3) What now?!
Coaches interviewing, pissed off Jerry, annoyed fan base. Kind of sounds like status quo for the past 10 years if you ask me. Wade's going to reassess the situation and prep for the draft. Don't make any mistakes, Wade Phillips is going to be the coach here. Garrett will go to Baltimore, Sparano is going to go to Miami and don't be surprised if a few other assistants go with them. The first thing is to reload the coaching staff and set for the draft. Romo is going to go away for 3 months and then you'll see him showing up at celebrity events.
4) What about the football season?
To be honest, I'm damn near out now. Will I watch? Yes. Will I be really really actively paying attention? Minimally. Who am I pulling for? Green Bay. I'd love for Favre to meet the Patriots in the Super Bowl. The Patriots would win, but I think it'd be really cool to see Berman and Madden have respective heart attacks on the air.
5) What about the blog?
Not many of you read my shit anyway. I just steal stuff from other blogs and claim it's mine. Read Big's stuff. He knows what he's doing.
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