Did the Cowboys cure cancer?

TO doing his best Kanye...

The text came through from Big last night, "Good bye TO". My first thought was, "holy crap, Big is alive!" then I remembered that he gave up the internet for lent (you thought I was kidding, didn't you?). Anyway, I checked the interwebs, and lo and behold, Terrell Eldorado Owens was released by your Dallas Cowboys.

Does this cure the cancer between him and Pacman?

Is the real Roy Williams ready to step up?

What excuse does our Hollywood loving, chubby chasing quarterback have left?

Use the comments to share your thoughts on the release of Owens...

How to make baseball more exciting...

I'm a big baseball fan, but I don't consider myself a baseball purist. I like the DH and interleague play, and I'm so tired of the steroid issue, that I'd say just open the gates and let players do whatever they want to really level the playing field.

That's why I don't feel bad opening the debate to a new concept that might make baseball more appealing in the late summer and early fall.

Open up the wild card spots to 5 PER LEAGUE instead of 1.

What???

Exactly. Right now, Major League Baseball is comprised of 30 teams and only 8 of those teams get to play in the playoffs, the 6 division winners and 2 wild cards. That's 4 AL teams and 4 NL teams. Pretty exclusive.

You can point to the NFL and say they only allow 12 teams, but remember, that's 4 division winners and 2 wild cards. So, the opportunity is pretty open. Plus, the NFL is different from the other sports in how the season runs its course, so I would look at that as the anomaly. However, look at basketball and hockey. 30 teams in each league. 16 teams make the playoffs. Top 8 in each conference (3 division winners, next 4 in rankings). Do you know what this breeds? Excitement in the final stretch of a season.

Take it from a Rangers fan who never sniffs the postseason. How much more exciting would it be in August if you knew that the Rangers were, rather than being 6 games out of the Wild Card, only 1 game out of the 8th final playoff spot? Wouldn't that make the games that much more exciting? Wouldn't the players feel like they were playing for something more than peanuts? Wouldn't that make fans want to go to the night games at the ball park to cheer their team into the postseason?

I look to basketball and hockey to see that the teams that are "right there" always put together these magical, Cinderella runs at the end of a season to push through to the playoffs and ride that wave because all it takes is to "get in" and then everyone comes back to 0-0 records. You're telling me that wouldn't work in baseball?

You can make the argument that they play twice the amount of games in the regular season, and each series is 7 games, it'd be too much. Okay, then don't make all the series 7 game series. Make the first two rounds 5 game series and the last two 7 game series.

Baseball is in trouble and is losing fans with all the scandals that are in place. Selig (who should be fired and crucified) needs to do something to a) reinvent baseball and b) reinvent his image. This could be the thing that can repackage the game into something that people get excited about beyond spring training and outside of the east coast.

A note about the urinal

Why so close?

Simple invention, usually made of porcelain that adorns the public restrooms for men across the nation.

Sometimes it's a short object placed at waist height. Sometimes it runs from floor to chest. Sometimes its just a giant trough.

Sometimes there's ice on the bottom, sometimes there's the "urinal cake" on the bottom, sometimes there's a filter sheet for, well, I'm not sure what they want to filter.

Sometimes there are dividers between urinals, other times you're forced to stand shoulder to shoulder with dudes you don't know.

The urinal.

Let me tell you something, I hate these fucking things.

Check that, I have no problem with the urinal per se, I just have a problem with the setup of most bathrooms. Dividers or not, I still have to stand uncomfortable close to dudes. I hate pissing amongst a group of people. It's not stage fright, because I really doubt (and hope) that no one is really paying any attention to me, but I just don't enjoy relieving myself amongst a group of people.

Since I know 90% of you that read this thing, think of the bathroom at The Tavern in Denton. Stupidest fucking setup I've ever seen.

Before you say it, no, I don't sit down to pee. I just prefer a stall given the fact that I can shut a door. I highly doubt I'm the only person in the world who isn't a fan of the public nature of the men's restroom. Am I?

Chalk it up to one of my many irrational pet peeves.

Tracy McGrady, I thought you were better than that

I've never really felt one way or another about Tracy McGrady. He came into the league out of high school and was a star in Toronto, Orlando, and now Houston, and at one point was thought of as one of the top 100 players in NBA history. For all intents and purposes, McGrady has been a nice guy and a team player his whole career.

You might remember when his cousin, Vince Carter, came to Toronto and the tandem lead the team to their first playoffs ever. That's also when T-Mac's streak of never winning a playoff series began.

In Orlando, T-Mac was, essentially, a one-man show because of the inevitable injuries of Grant Hill. He even manage to capture a scoring title in 2004.

Then, he was traded to Houston and signed to a $44 Million contract. Houston thought they had their new tandem since Hakeem's years with McGrady and Yao. Then, somehow, Tracy McGrady became a real asshole.

I was reading Simmons's column from last week, and came across this snippet.

...when an NBA player with two years remaining on his contract for a total of $44 million shows up for the season out of shape, complains most of the year, lets down his teammates and fans again and again, lands in some trade rumors and decides, "Instead of getting traded to a team I don't like, I'm going to announce that I'm getting microfracture surgery four days before the trade deadline and kill any potential trade, and even better, I'll be healed by next spring, just in time to showcase myself for another contract," and successfully pulls this off -- with no repercussions from anybody -- then yes, the system is broken and needs to be fixed. Because that was disgusting. Tracy McGrady, you are officially indefensible for the rest of eternity. Even your cousin Vince wouldn't have done that. And that's saying something.)

I never realized it, but Simmons really hit the nail on the head. T-Mac had bought enough credit in the league for being a "good guy" that he pulled one of the most douche-baggiest moves I've ever seen...and I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HE DID IT!

Wow, just wow.

Anyone at NFL headquarters paying attention?

I imagine Belichik rubs out to this image....

So, I know I'm not the only one to raise his eyebrows at this because it's all over the interwebs today...

What amount of collusion and tampering existed between the Kansas City Chiefs and the New England Patriot?

If you missed the news, the Chiefs sent a 2nd round pick to New England and received both Matt Cassell and Mike Vrabel.

You read that right, a starting quarterback and starting/veteran linebacker for a second round pick. Oh, let me also throw in that Denver offered New England the number 12 first round pick in a three way deal with Tampa Bay involving the trade of Jay Cutler.

Scott Pioli is the new GM in KC. He was the former head man in New England.

Josh McDaniel is the head coach in Denver. He was the former OC in New England.

So, it brings up a few questions...

1) If Belichick wants his coaching tree to be successful, why send the bounty to KC instead of Denver?

2) Is New England that confident in Brady's knee getting healthy? Remember, he had a setback in rehab, and he's spent his time getting married to Gisele. Brazilian chicks love crazy sex positions, how do we know Tom's not hurting his knee more?

3) why does Denver want to move Cutler so badly? Do they know something we don't? Carl Badlander, do you know something about this?

4) What's going to happen to future hall of fame quarterback, Tyler Thigpen?

5) How does Der Kommisar Goodell not do anything about obvious collusion?

If nothing else, now the Pats have a first rounder and 3 second rounders next year, all in the middle-to-top of the rounds. Let's see if the decade of genius has been Belichik or Pioli's doing.

My, this is some fantastic tasting sugar water

Damn it, wrong Texas Ranger

The Musers had Tom Hicks on the other day from Surprise to talk about how Rangers spring training is going, and, well, I fell for it again.

I've drank the kool-aid after a few days, I think the Rangers are going to put shit together this year. Yes, after swearing I'd never come back and I'd mock and ridicule this team starting now, I'm right back to where I am every year...a believer.

I believe that Mike Young is going to increase his range and become a fantastic 3rd baseman for this team.

I believe that Elvis Andrus is going to seriously contend for rookie of the year.

I think Teagarden is ready to step up and dominate the catcher's position this year and be the backstop and throw-out guy we need.

I think the outfield is familiar enough with themselves to be able to play the way they need to play to win.

I think Max Damage's bat is going to pop more this year than last.

I expect big things from Marlon Byrd and Chris Davis.

And the pitchers? You'd better believe that Mike Maddux is the best acquisition this team made all winter. Combining him, Nolan Ryan's mentality and all the young pitching talent this team has is going to be the push the Rangers need to get over the hump and get the god damned pitching monkey off this city's back.

Watch out Major League Baseball...the Texas Rangers are coming for their glass slipper.

I hate to admit it, but it's true

My reaction these days...

I can't watch college basketball anymore, and the weird part is, I really don't know why. I used to watch college basketball, pretty religiously in fact. I could name off RPI's and bubble teams and who I thought could legitimately contend in the tournment.

See, last weekend Big and I got into a debate with one of our friends over who was the class of the Big XII. Immediately our argument was that Kansas was the top of the pop, and everyone else was trying to live up to Kansas. The other guy's argument? Kansas was now sharing the upper echelon with Texas and Oklahoma. Let's recap: I was saying that Texas wasn't that good.

That's when it dawned on me. I haven't really paid much attention at all to college basketball to make that argument. Sure, I had history on my side for the basic concepts, but now a days, I could really care less.

Are the games any less compelling then they were before? I can't say for sure, but I doubt it.

Are the players and teams less sexy than before? Maybe. I mean, you hear about a real rock star player and you realize that if he's THAT good, then he's going to be a pro the next year anyway, so why bother? Anyone who's staying in school is bound to be the next Redick, Laettner or Dunleavy Jr. and just kind of "meh" you to death.

I tried to sit down the other day and just veg out and watch a Saturday's worth of college basketball. You know what I ended up doing instead? Cleaning my house. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when I'd rather Swiffer then watch basketball.

I could watch the Kings play the Thunder if it's on, but I have trouble paying attention to Pitt and Georgetown face off. What bothers me is, I couldn't tell you why.

Sometimes you've got to realize she ain't interested

Desperate much?

You know how when you go up to a girl at a bar and you might say hello or make some intial greeting and you get rebuffed?

Most of the time, you might walk away and find another target. However, other times you try a different route to break the ice and offer to buy her a drink. If she says yes, then you're in for a conversation, at the least, or maybe she wants a free drink, but at least she's given you a chance.

But if she says no to the drink, you pretty much get the point, right? RIGHT?

Nope, some guys don't get that point, they ask one more time, only this time they pretty much jump the point and offer her diamonds.

Does it really happen? No, but I'm pretty sure that's what the Dodgers have just done to Manny Ramirez, and HE STILL SAID NO!

There's no way Manny returns to LA, right? Boras has burned that bridge with Colletti for rejecting 3 ginormous offers.

What did he just turn down?

2 years, $45 Million, guaranteed.

TURNED IT THE FUCK DOWN! What the hell is going on here? What does Scott Boras know that no one else does? Does he have pictures of Frank McCourt fucking 12 year old Thai boys?

Either Scott Boras and Manny have balls the size of grapefruits and this game of chicken is going to net Manny the ability to buy Costa Rica for himself, or he's gonna wish he said yes to this deal.

I wonder how the rest of America feels with losing their jobs and seeing his son of a bitch turn down $45 Million to play baseball for a living and live in Los Angeles. Cry me a fucking river.

What's wrong with Wade's face?

Wade's Idol?

I must have missed the memo here, but when did Dwayne Dwyane Wade turn into Nelly? If you haven't been paying attention the past few weeks since All-Star Weekend, Dallas's favorite foul getting ass hat has been sporting a band-aid on his face to cover some stitches he got about 6 weeks ago.

Only problem is, it isn't the typical Johnson & Johnson band-aids, they've turned into a god damned fashion statement.

Things like his last name, the American flag, his nickname (Flash) have all shown up on Dwyane's face. The association has asked him to remove it because it's not part of the uniform and can be "gang affiliated" or some other thing that David Stern is doing to steer away from a "ghetto image".

These guys are multi-millionaires. I've seen Nip/Tuck. Don't tell me that shit can't be healed in less than 6 weeks.

I've gotten stitches before, and I'm not a fair skinned guy, they blend well. Stop your ass holery, and just play basketball.

NFL Free Agency already makes no sense

I'd make fun of him, but Cowboys fans aren't much better

So, NFL free agency started a day or so ago, and already there have been some things that have made me stop what I'm doing to blink a few times and wonder why people that aren't me get to be NFL general managers.

I think the case we're all looking at is the Cowboys's favorite rival in our nation's capitol, the Washington Redskins.

7 years, $100 Million for Albert Haynesworth
6 years, $54 Million for DeAngelo Hall
5 years, $26 Million for Derrick Dockery

Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato are the only two people on the planet that make Jerry Jones look like fucking Ron Wolf. Who are we kidding? Albert Haynesworth? This is Dana Stubblefield 2.0! DeAngelo Hall? The guy got kicked out of Oakland. OAKLAND! Derrick Dockery? I didn't like that guy when he was at Texas, and he underwhelemed a tortured fan base in Buffalo for a few years already.

Look, part of me is happy that Washington is going to be the paper champs again and die a slow slow death at the bottom of the division again, but you gotta be kidding me that people are going to keep putting up with Dan Snyder's dipshittery. Has he made a good acquisition in the past forever? I mean the best move this guy ever made? Sean Taylor, and he's dead.

If you ever scratch your head and wonder what the hell Jerry Jones is doing, never fear, Dan Snyder is always there to make you feel better.

He's baaa-aack

Scariest sight on the tour? Scariest sight on the tour.

Yes, I get it, we haven't been posting much as of late. Last I checked, we aren't getting paid to do this (unless you all start clicking on those ads like crazy), and we are getting paid to do our respective jobs. Also, Big gave up the internet for lent, so I pretty much get to run this joint for 6 weeks...

There's any number of things I could focus on for this post, and I really don't feel like doing the quick hit bit, as I tend to do that too much. So, let's talk about what everyone else is talking about today, the return of ETW.

That's right, folks, golf's messiah has returned. If you, for some retarded reason or another, didn't know, Tiger Woods has been out of commission for 9 months. He was playing on a torn ACL and had to get it repaired, so he decided to do that and make a baby.

Doesn't matter, he's back now, and I have a feeling that the following people are going to comprise the gallery at the Accenture today: any and every golfer in the club house, NBC executives, CBS executives, ESPN executives, Golf Channel executives, Nike executives, Gillette executives, and Pepsi executives (Gatorade). Oh yeah, maybe a few golf fans as well.

Personally, I can't be happier about this. I worship at the altar of Tiger because I'm not a hater like those who have to "live on the next best thing" edge are. (Sorry your band never made it, but that doesn't mean bands and artists that do make it automatically suck.) Tiger returning to the tour means more than just the best player coming back, it means golf coming back to the sports viewing forefront. It's a fact that no Tiger meant no viewers.

That doesn't even touch on what this means about Tiger. If stories were correct, Tiger had that knee issue for almost 10 years, and just played through it. Exactly, 10 years on a BAD knee and he did what he did. Now? He's at 100%, he's got two kids one to own the LPGA and one to take his spot in 20 years, and he's probably more focused than he's ever been to remind the world who Tiger Motherfucking Woods is.

I fully expect rookies to physically cry when they are paired with him on opening days. I expect other golfers who might have had bad blood to immediately try and make amends (Phil, Sergio, Rocco, Faldo). I also expect the Grand Slam to occur. I wouldn't be surprised to see a "Devil Went Down to Georgia" type challenge between Satan and Tiger for a solid gold putter.

Oh, in a lovely twist of Jesus, get this...Tiger's first day back? Beginning of Lent. The final day of the Masters? Easter Sunday. He's back and he's coming...is the world ready?

The Second Turnbuckle: El Blogador comes out of hiding

Inspired by the idea of finally getting to Wrestlemania and watching the Oscars I've decided to contribute to the blog. No big opening number, I won't sing or dance like Wolverine. I'm going to maintain the mystique behind El Blogador.

Firstly, Best Cameo by a Wrestler in a Filim.

Nominees are:

Bam Bam Bigelow-Major Payne
Kimberly Page-40 Year Old Virgin (Speed Dating wardrobe malfunction)
Big Show-Jingle All The Way
Great Khali-The Longest Yard

And the winner is....

Paul "The Big Show" Wight. He was the very large Santa when Arnold gets jumped by all the shady Santas. This was chosen over his role as Captain Insano in "The Waterboy" because that was a role as a wrestler.

Our second category is Best Performance by a Wrestler in a Supporting Role.

The nominees are:

Kevin Nash-The Longest Yard
Terry Funk- Roadhouse
Hulk Hogan-Rocky III
Andre the Giant-Princess Bride
Jesse "The Body" Ventura- Predator

And the Winner is....

Kevin Nash in the The Longest Yard. All of these performances have merit, but Nash's is by far the one that stood out the most and contributed the most. Andre is a very close second simply because of the greatness of the movie. Third was Hogan in Rocky III. Thunderlips was a major character and was done well, but it's Hogan playing a wrestler so not much of a stretch. Ventura and Funk round out the bottom. Ventura didn't play much of a role after he had a giant hole blown in him and Funk only got the nomination because it was Roadhouse. Side note: these two played roles in the very underated "The Ringer".

Best Wrestler in a Leading Role in a Movie that was in Theaters More than a Month or Did Not Go Straight to Video.

The nominees are:

Hulk Hogan- Suburban Commando
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin- The Condemned
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson- Gridiron Gang
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper- They Live
John Cena- The Marine

And the winner is.....

Dwayne Johnson in Gridiron Gang. In his first non-action leading role Johnson plays beyond expectations and shows he can do more than action. Yes, he was good in Walking Tall and Rundown, but this is his first true role where he lead and had to act. Second is Piper in They Live which is a cult classic. Suburban Commando was a good role for Hogan, but without the great Christopher Lloyd, Hogan struggles. Cena and Austin make valiant efforts, but have not quite matured into actors.

The next few categories are exclusive to these awards.

Best Actor in a Villian Role

Jesse "The Body" Ventura-The Running Man
Triple H-Blade:Trinity
Kevin Nash-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze
Kane-See No Evil

And the winner is....

Jesse Ventura in The Running Man. Captain Freedom was the best villian in this Arnold classic. He outshined the great actor Jim Brown as Fireball and Brown was in "I'm Gonna Get you Sucka" and "Mars Attacks" The rest didn't really act, Kane was just Kane in the real world if Kane was real (don't try to make sense of that). Triple H was a really big vampire. And Nash was just Super Shredder.

Best Wrestling movie that was not recognized by The Academy (So no "The Wrestler" or "Beyond the Mat"

The nominees are:

Ready to Rumble
No Holds Barred

and the winner is....

This award will have to be awarded another time.

They are both horrible movies. "Ready to Rumble" even won a Razzie. I guess when we revisit this subject we'll have to give it to "The Wrestler".

GMV - Nude music friday

There are a lot of Kanye haters out there. People who don't like his message, his over use of auto correct, or just his straight up smug attitude. But to me, there is nobody like him in the game right now. Here is his new video "Welcome to heartbreak."


KANYE WEST "Welcome To Heartbreak" Directed by Nabil from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

Tell me somebody else is making a video this good that is equal parts innovative, edgy, or just plain going with the song better than that. I still love music videos, i watch them often after nights at the bar at 3 in the morning when the music channels really play music.

Big ups to UVE and his blog for having the video that I could embed.

No Celebrations At All (NCAA) Football

Just saw this story on The Big Lead.

The NCAA is pondering a dramatic rule change - one that wouldn’t take place until 2011 - wherein anyone who showboats in or around the end zone would have their score wiped out.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is the stupidest god damned thing I have ever heard since, um, ever.

Exactly who does this rule benefit? Mike Belotti and the Oregon Ducks, apparently.

"College football is a team game and prolonged acts that draw attention to the individual are not consistent with that philosophy," said Bellotti, the Oregon head coach. "The rules committee reminds head coaches of their responsibility for the behavior of their players before and after, as well as during, the game ... Repeated occurrence of such unsportsmanlike behavior by a team may result in punitive action by the conference."

"We feel that there may need to be more ejections," Bellotti said during a conference call.

Oh, it's a good thing that the Oregon team in 2007 was able to stand strong as a team when Dennis Dixon went down with a torn ACL.

Chalk one more up for the pussy-fication of America.

Next story please

Okay, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003. I remember hearing the news come down last Saturday and being very surprised. I might even say that I was a little angry because I thought there was a chance that, as much of a douche as he is, he was going to "lead" baseball out of the steroid era into a cleaner era and wipe any "dirty" records off the books.

You know how long that lasted? Between 30 and 45 minutes, and then I saw cow in a pasture and immediately forgot everything I was thinking.

And that's what it's come to, we don't care anymore.

Sure, the media would like us to hoot and holler as much as they do, and want us to burn Rodriguez in effigy, but why? This isn't our first dance with steroids in baseball. We already had our shock and outrage 5 years ago.

Look, I'm not saying I'm happy with it, but I don't care anymore. It's like the scene in "Starship Troopers". Whatever version of football that they were playing was the new breed of football. Everyone was used to it, and that's it. Performance enhanced players? They've become the new breed of baseball, and we're just used to it. Good metaphor? Hell no. Did it make my point? Hell yes.

What's worse is, the sports media has turned into a bunch of women. No, I don't mean they're all female, I mean that they say one thing, get it, and then ask for the complete opposite. Let me essplain, when Clemens and Bonds came under fire, everyone screamed "just admit it, and we'll forgive you and move on". Rodriguez admits what he did, and now everyone screams "boy that was a stupid explanation, he shouldn't have said anything". What the hell do you people want? (read that in your best Norm voice)

I'm much more interested in someone scoring an interview with Iverson and asking why he chopped his hair off as opposed to someone working to track down a person with the last name "Rodriguez" in the Dominican Republic.

Just once, please, let me walk into baseball season with a positive outlook on the game. Is it too much to ask?

GMV

Holycrap, if you don't have HBO or you have it and your not watching East Bound and Down, you need to rectify that pronto. Here is a taste.



Bonus: IF i had a mullet, and IF i dressed like a baseball player, I would probably look like Kenny Powers.



yup thats me.

...

Looking to break up with your girlfriend?

Just get her this tomorrow

Mike Sciroy, you are a genius!

Had The Ticket on while working and Rhadigan and Bascik are filling in for Norm. They were talking about the NBA All-Star game and how the best part of the weekend is the skills contests on Saturday. Then ticker guy, Mike Sciroy (I'm guessing that's how you spell it), chimed in with the most genius idea ever.

Instead of aligning the teams by Eastern and Western conferences, you take it to the street.

-Let people vote players into an All-Star pool like they do now.
-Top two vote getters (Kobe and LeBron) would be the team captains
-After the Saturday night dunk contest, the two captain pick teams like street ball
-THEN you play the game on Sunday with the teams.

Tell me that wouldn't be genius.

So, pretend Big is LeBron and I'm Kobe, and use the comments to make our picks for us.

GMV - Funny Friday

Internet gate is at almost 2 weeks. But i swear the GMV will be back as soon as I am. But fear not, i'm going to bring Funny Fridays to all you sexy readers.

This week its the greatnes that is the Flight of the Concords. Before the show they were just an extreamly talented comedy act. You may have heard some of these songs before. Here are my favs.