Often times on this site, Big and I have both referred to "the man code" or "the guy code". You've seen commercials spoofing such a concept. Remember the Miller Lite Man Laws as decreed by Burt Reynolds, Triple H and Eddie Griffin? I don't think the code is something that truly exists on paper, per se, I just think it is something that is encoded on our Y chromosome. We all know them, but could never recite them if asked.
Like the United States Constitution, the man codes exist for a reason, governance of men interacting with the world and each other. Sometimes the codes are ignored and for that, men are punished. Asking two men the same question about the code is going to lead to two different answers because everyone has their own interpretation of what they mean and how they are applied.
That being said, I offer up the top 10 Man Codes (in no particular order) that I believe to be universal in any interpretation.
1) A man may never date a buddy's ex-girlfriend without express written consent from said buddy, girl and neutral third party. A man is also not allowed to make a pass at or share the thought of feelings towards a buddy's current girlfriend.
2) Short of funerals or weddings, only "black guy hugs" are acceptable social greetings beyond handshakes and high fives.
3) No matter how much beer drinking, cigar smoking and cart girl chasing is involved, golf is a sport and qualifies as an athletic pursuit. Also known as the "John Daly Law"
4) Contrary to the sports law of "defense is more valuable than offense", a wingman is always more valuable than a designated driver. You can rent a taxi, you can't rent a wingman.
5) When at the movies, an empty seat must exist between two men.
6) "Slump-buster" is the only excuse that can never be questioned for a sub par conquest, no matter what she looks like the next day. Being drunk is not an excuse because everything sounds better when you're drunk. Fucking a fat girl is like riding a scooter, it sounds like a great idea until your buddies find out.
7) Anything can be wagered on, anything.
8) If walking next to another man, and hands accidentally touch, the action is not to be acknowledged by either man, and a mandatory extra foot of distance must be created.
9) If a man gets a haircut, there is no obligation from another man to comment on it.
10) NFL Sundays are true holy days. Any joke can be made on that day at anyone's expense without fear of offense or retribution.
With those being listed, I now open the floor (via comments) to the readers of this blog for interpretation, addition and debate.
2 comments:
I don't know if this is guy code, but i would like it to be on record anyway.
If you bring a girl to a bar, and your paying for her, when its your turn to buy drinks, you have to buy not just your round, but hers as well. Example, if its me, you, your girl, and another buddy. The Pitcher rotation goes as such
you, me, you(girl's roud), buddy, you, me, you(girl's round), buddy....
I'm not getting laid that night from your girl, don't expect me to pay for her drinks.
Big pass that nugget of truth onto the Germsican; actually he's gotten better at it.
Here's my contribution:
When a friend breaks a man law severely and/or repeatedly, or pretty much starts acting like a douche the following procedure is the only one acceptable:
a) you don't tell him what he's doing wrong. you don't try to have an "intervention". you don't have round tables with other friends to discuss why you each feel that said friend is behaving like he is. Nope, you just never mention it.
b) you break off contact with said friend; in essence, banishing him from your circle of friends. You don't text, call, or email with invites or plans, nor should you respond to any of his. You don't walk over and say what's up at the bar, you probably shouldn't even give the token head nod, unless by giving the token unspoken "what's up?" you avoid him coming over and saying "what's up?".
c) if a and b go as they should you then move on to c, which is erasing of history (much like how the german's have omitted the hitler years, or how ex's delete you to keep their number at the always common 2). Anytime a story is recounted he should be reffered to as "what's his name" or "that one dude" or just not mentioned all together.
If all that seems harsh just remind yourself that "we each choose our own path in life." Once you begin compromising your personal fiber and morals to accommodate dip shits and douch bags; you just become a rudderless ship destined to wash up on piece of shit island.
That said, part 2 to this amendment is that if you find yourself ever on the outside looking in on your former circle of friends; under no circumstances try to find out what you did wrong or weasel your way back in. Instead just accept that you fucked up and move on. If you realize what you did wrong change it; but if in your opinion you were faultless, then embrace your inner douche bag and go join a fraternity; probably one with pastel popped collars and face wash in the showers. Also if you're no longer in school then just go to Addison or some other trendy bar in the North Dallas area, maybe starbucks or some trendy corporate restaraunt if you're not into bars.
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