Brown's Bitch of the Week

I complain a lot. Really, I do. Why? I'm a crabby 60 year old man in a 25 year old body, I guess. I hate a lot of things in life, Big included. Every week I'm going to take the thing that bothers me the most and bitch about it. I don't give a flying fuck if you read it. If I think the internet is good for cathartic needs, who are you to judge? Ass hat.

This week's bitch: Teenagers.

I remember being a teenager not that long ago. World was easy then, wasn't it? No responsibilities, no money problems, school was a joke, Natural Light tasted like the best thing on the planet, you know, less is more.

I was probably more of a cynical ass hole then versus now (yeah, right).

(Yes, I understand the irony that I was this person not but a few years ago, but you know what? I have a mortgage, a car payment, a bad shoulder, bad knees and I'm pretty sure an ulcer, none of which I had a few years ago. Blow me.)

Anyways, when I look at teenagers now, be it at the mall or elsewhere, I get this sudden urge to take their head and smash it through a plate glass window.

No one likes teenagers, period. No one.

They're smug little ass holes who live on their parents' pay rolls and think they know everything there is to know. I don't know a god damned thing, and I'm supposed to believe some bastard of a 15 year old does?

They listen to crappy music, where stupid clothing and somehow think emulating people on "the Hills" is the way to live life. Welcome to reality you cock sucking whores.

When I see a kid on heelies, I want to push them over. When I see a young girl in clothing I'm not sure I'd see outside of The Lodge, I hope her car breaks down off of Northwest Highway and 35 at 2 AM. When I see anyone with a faux-hawk or intentionally ripped jeans, I want to punt them as far as my left foot can kick.

Congratulations, youth of America. It's because of you and you're stupid way of doing things that I hope no one ever has kids again.

I don't actually condone violence of any kind...unless it's against those emo punks who wear impossibly tight jeans with Chuck Taylors and a mother fucking duster jacket. What in the fuck has gone so wrong for you by the age of 15 that you're rebelling against the world? Go have a bag of Teddy Graham's and take a nap.