Greatest. Article. Ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the finest piece of writing I've seen in I don't know how long...

The Search for Homo Sapien Douchebagus.

My oglers fit the profile magnificently. A guy in a white shirt sewn from neckline to hem with superfluous off-white patches glanced over three times. His buddy, in a dark green sport coat and Kenneth Cole sneakers, followed suit. Across the walkway, a dude with a bleached faux-hawk and four silver necklaces gave me the eye.

This is an excellent article by Andrea Grimes at The Dallas Observer.

It's guys like these that give our gender a bad name. If you know someone like this, or you see someone like this, don't hesitate to smack them upside the head (try not to cut your hand on the gelled and frosted tips). Seriously, do me a solid favor, just kick them in the balls over and over and over...