An ode to Pizza

Hope you ate breakfast because this’ll make you hungry

You might remember that I already wrote my piece on sandwiches being the greatest food ever.  A close second, might be pizza.  Pizza, similar to that of the sandwich, is very simplistic, yet one of the most versatile food items out there.

People need to stop trying to trick up pizza and just stay on the classic front.  For example, what’s wrong with plain pizza cheese?  Nothing.  There’s absolutely no need to apply goat cheese to a pizza.  Come to think of it, there’s nothing appetizing about the goat, why in God’s name did we decide to treat it like a cow?   Same with crazy ass toppings.  There’s no such thing as a “gourmet” pizza, and there’s no need to have a toppings list the length of the dead sea scrolls. 

Crusts are a whole separate issue.  Crusts are great, but they shouldn’t be taken for more than they are.  The pie tin of pizza-dom.  Deep-dish, Chicago-style pizza is okay, when you’re in Chicago at the original.  Otherwise, you basically screwed up a lasagna and you’re trying to pass it off as pizza.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, tops the classic thin crust New York style pizza.   In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the only thing that separates the “high end” pizza joints from your run of the mill Pizza Huts and Domino’s is the quality of crust.

So, even though types of pizza, size of pizza and toppings of pizza are the most debated topic in the history of food, I will submit to you, the top 5 pizza combos on the planet (in no particular order).

1) Plain Cheese
2) Sausage and Mushroom
3) Ham and Pineapple
4) Onion and Jalapeno
5) Barbecue Chicken

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “where’s pepperoni?”  I’ll ask you, why have pepperoni when you can get sausage or ham?   See, pepperoni isn’t that great, it’s just a conditioned response from when we were kids.  We had two options, cheese or pepperoni.  That was it.  That’s carried over so much that we’re conditioned that pepperoni is a top choice, when I’d argue it really isn’t. 

I welcome your thoughts.

Re-examining the social networking morass

In the immortal words of Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday, “My hypocrisy knows no bounds.”

If you remember, I was one of the people who denounced and railed against social networking sites like the MySpace, the Facebook and the Twitter.  Now I find myself joining the Facebook and using this little blogsite to join the Twitter.   Again, I’m the first person to admit that I’m a hypocrite in just about every sense of the word…especially on these here interwebs.  I’ve found that having a Facebook account helps me stay in touch with family and close friends and share pictures and maybe share broadcast messages via a status update.  I’ve found that having a Twitter account helps me either a) promote posts on this site b) promote posts on MavsMoneyBall and c) go on Twitter-thons while watching a game, in essence, live blogging for you, the sexy reader.

In my eyes, that’s what these sites were made for, but in the hands on the wrong person, these sites can inherently make me want to shove chopsticks in my ear until I feel something go *pop*. 

For the record,

• I don’t care that you need help in Mafia Wars
• I don’t care how your farm is doing in Farmville
• I don’t care what you baked in your cafe
• I don’t care what your photo of the day is
• I don’t care about your daily routine and if you really need to go to the gym
• I don’t care if you think it’s cold outside
• I don’t care where you are or what you’re doing every minute of the day

Allow me to respond to the biggest arguments against me on this topic

1) If you don’t like it, then just ignore it or don’t read it.

So, let me get this straight.  We’re friends on Facebook because we’re friends and want to know what’s going on and keep in touch, but I’m supposed to ignore your posts?   As for the don’t read it part, well, that’s a bit hard to do when IT’S 75% OF THE GOD DAMNED SCREEN.  If you’re offended by this, go ahead and remove me as a friend, I won’t have my feelings hurt.  It’s Facebook.  Who gives a shit?

2) I’ve got everything linked together on my phone! What can I do?

STOP LINKING SHIT TOGETHER ON YOUR PHONE! These are two different websites with two different purposes.  Twitter can be updated frequently and to your heart’s content because that’s the intent.  Facebook, however, doesn’t need to be updated every two seconds because again all it does is CLUTTER UP 75% OF MY SCREEN.  If you want me to ignore it, please see number 1.  Is it that fucking hard for you to enter something twice if you absolutely, positively have to put it in both locations?   "Whew, I might get carpel tunnel if I enter “I’m eating dinner now” in two places.  Better merge it into one application!”

3) If it bothers you so much, don’t be on the sites.

Read the entire post, dip shit.

Now, I know for sure that I’ve pissed off at least one of you sexy readers because you’re addicted to the social networking thing and you have to update things every minute of every day.  Just know that you shouldn’t take it personally that I find social networking behavior annoying.  Seriously.  It’s the fucking internet. Who cares what I think?