The Brown Five - 11/14/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...

1) Can Grimmus coach?
Don't think it's gone unnoticed that the Cleveland Browns seem be putting a wild card season together.

My question is, how much credit should Romeo Crennel be getting? When New England won the first of its many Super Bowls, you had Satan running the ship, Romeo at defense, and Fatty Fatty Catholic man running the offense. Then Fatty Fatty went to coach in Catholic nirvana, Romeo went to coach Cleveland and Satan christened (nice oxymoron) him a new advocate in one Thomas Brady.

Since then, Romeo has managed to get a top 10 pick every year, stack his team with good receivers, and get money to sign big name free agents. He even drafted a gay quarterback from Fatty's school to please the east coast media!

However, he mismanages time (see Pittsburgh game), chose Charlie Frye over "Horse Balls" and hardly does anything to make me think, "you know what? That's a good coach."

2) The Miami Heat
You know it's bad when Pat Riley says that him playing would be better than the crapfest he's rolling out there right now.

It makes sense that Dwayne (sorry, Dwyane) Wade is now acting. After all, here's a guy who flopped his way to a championship and needed a god damned wheelchair to take his crying ass off the court when he hurt his shoulder. They have a 90 year old Shaq, beat the Knicks (a team facing a shit storm of "did he really say that?" type news coming up), Udonis Haslem - spare, Jason Williams - Eminem, Dorrell Wright - eh, Ricky Davis - ha, and mother fucking Penny Hardway off the bench.

If this does anything, it makes the Dallas loss in the finals that much more painful.


3) Simeon Rice + Ponce De Leon = Dwight Freeney
Rumors are abound that Dwight Freeney could be out for the season. I knew something was bad when he kept trying to limp off the field, and could barely put any weight on his foot. I figured it was one of those badly sprained ankles where it feels like you've torn everything in your foot, but apparently, it's much worse.

This is bad for the Colts, great for the Pats, but bad for the Colts. Robert Mathis and Dwight Freeney might have been the best duo of pash rushing ends in the entire league, and, make no mistake, they did a fantastic job of containing Tom Brady, and probably had the best chance of putting up a fight against Satan's juggernaut.

So, the Colts have decided to sign Simeon Rice. Too bad it isn't 1998. Rice was one of the best in Tampa Bay under Tony Dungy. Dwight Freeney was the 2007 version of Simeon Rice under Tony Dungy. I suppose if anyone can make Rice look younger, it's his coach under that Tampa 2 defense...but don't be surprised if people start putting a tight end on Mathis's side and Rice just gets handled by guards and tackles.


4) Josh Beckett lost the Cy Young to Sabathia, Dane Cook cries
Boston can't catch a break these days. How dare Major League Baseball disrespect the Red Sox and say that C.C. Sabathia was a better pitcher than Josh Beckett. Everyone's just disrespects Boston, it's not fair. How many times did Dane Cook have to remind us there is only one October? Didn't we get the memo? Didn't anyone watch the World Series? Doesn't anyone read Bill Simmons?

Boston is quietly approaching Oklahoma status with me, don't push it.


5) "Ambassador of Fun" takes co-chair of Stars
The Stars fired Doug Armstrong and have appointed Les Jackson and the "Ambassador of Fun" Brett Hull to be the co-GM's of the team. I'm not going to comment because I don't really know anything about it. So you can just read Sturm...