Bow to our New Overlord! (and lets see if i can still do this)

Oh Sweet Lord Trebek! What have you DONE!?!?

With brown out this week, Its my goal to give all 14 of you that still come to our little cul-de-sac of the blogoshpere what you expect, fresh piping hot content. Should be good times. I haven't done this consistently for a while now. Its like riding a bike right? So let me just step up on this shwinn here.....OH GOOD GOD!

Does physical humor work on a blog?

(Gets up, dusts self off, trys to hide raging pain boner)

Well that was fun. So on to my point. Whats up with computers? I know right? Crazy!

Man i'm rusty. Bare with me, or this might be a long week. Let me just lead off with the part of this story that i know about, Sports. I mean come on, we are a sports blog right? That's what everybody is here to read about, right? Hardcore Sports Manlove!

Its not like Deadspin has started running daily bits about pop culture.......

Or TBL often starts and ends each day with a round up of non sportie news........

or that Bill Simmons has a highly rated pod cast that often talks about Real World/Road Rules Challenges........

or that the ticket in Dallas despite it's poor 9,000 watt station is out dueling mighty ESPN and CBS radio stations with segments such as "trifecta talk," "top 10 temperatures," and pimping bands at the reconsider lounge......

Wait, all those things are happening? Fuck. I HAVE been gone a while.

One thing will never change, however, and I know this to be true like death and taxes, The NFL and their union will always be the most powerfull being on the planet, and NEVER EVER GO AWAY.......

(receives text from brown)

STRIKE! WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I swear to all that is holy, if there is no NFL Draft, and i don't get to spend 10 hours a day studding draft film's like a Stevie studies Cunninlinguis tapes.......

(receives another text from brown)

there will be a draft......just maybe no season next year. Good, my stab-ability scale just went down from Julius Caesar to Ron Goldman.

Good, now onto my point of this whole post. The NFL Draft Combine. (wow, even i didn't see that one coming, but give me time, it will all come back around)

The Combine is going on as we speak. (i may or may not be streaming it at NFL.com)

The big name, skill guys on offense (QB's, RB's, WR's TE's) and the o-line went through there drills this last weekend. Let me share with you some of the numbers.

40 yard dash fun facts.

5 Guys so far have run SUB 4.4 40's. (fastest so far being the running back from maryland Scott)

All but 1 QB was sub 5.0. 7 at 4.65 or under. 4 sub 4.5.

2 o-line guys ran a sub 5.0 (Kelce from Cincinnati, and Bartholomew from Syracuse.) and one (Newton from Arkansas State (what up sun belt!)) at 5.01. That means 3 O-linemen ran faster than the slowest QB.

8 Runningbacks ran a 4.5 or under

People of Note:

QB

Jake Locker: 4.59 40, 35 inch vertical, 10' broad jump, 6.77 three cone, 4.12 20yard Shuttle

Cam Newton: 4.59 40, 35 inch vertical, 10'6" broad jump, 6.92 three cone, 4.18 20 yard shuttle

WR

Julio Jones: 4.39 40, 17 Bench, 38.5 vert, 11'3" broad (record is 11'4"

AJ Green: 4.50 40, 18 Bench, 10'6"broad.

I know that's a lot of crazy numbers that i just spit at you, and most of you don't know what any of those mean. Point of all this is let you know this: These guys are freaks. More so now than in past years even. 2 QB's who will play QB in the NFL running a sub 4.6 40? A WR who can jump from a standstill no less, the length that would equal 2 browns head to toe? (He's not a tall man)

All of this can mean only one thing, these guys are..............

Robots.

Judgement day is here! Watson on Jeopardy has proved computers are smarter than us, now they are faster and stronger than us as well. All hail Skynet!

( I know, it was a long post to get to a stupid, predictable joke, but give me a break, i'm rusty, i'll do better tomorrow. )

Brown out next week

Don’t know who Gordon is, but this is definitely how our readers feel about me.

There will be a Brown Out next week on the blog, as I’m not going to be in town and will not have a means with which to blog.

Pray that Big makes his return…or at least goes YouTube on your asses.

HahChickapaTahWooHeeNahNah!

Verizon getting the iPhone will make AT&T’s network better.

Are people going to wait outside stores in this weather?

Everyone is thrilled that Verizon is getting the iPhone.  Why? The universal answer leans towards “AT&T’s network sucks”.  The minority are Verizon people who’ve been stuck with crap that would just like a nice phone to have.

I have a theory about this.  AT&T’s network sucks because it’s the only one with the iPhone.  I can’t back up this theory because I don’t know shit about the technology.  So, if you’re a technophile or you’re Bear and have access to Wikipedia, then by all means, correct me in the comments.

No one who has an iPhone actually uses it for telephone calls.  They use it for texts, for internet browsing, for Twitter, for Facebook, for apps, for whatever, but rarely for phone calls.  By the way, that goes for all phones, but this is iPhone related…we don’t talk anymore, we text. (I have an iPhone for work, and though I don’t use it, it’s a nice phone and I can see why so many people like it…not those “Apple or Die” hipsters, but regular people.)

Anyhow, I digress. The theory is that you’re on the AT&T 3G network, and that network is 10 kinds of clogged up with people on data transmissions, then naturally, it is going to elbow out the voice bandwidth.  Hence, dropped calls. 

I’ve been an AT&T customer since cell phones became commonplace (I think I got my first “regular use” cell phone in 2004. I had a cell phone before then, but that’s when monthly plans only gave you like 30 minutes a month and I only used that to call my parents and my then-girlfriend.).  I actually haven’t had any of the problems that everyone else seems to have (sitting strong on the EDGE network).  I don’t seem to notice dropped calls or anything like that, so when people swear a blood oath against AT&T, I (hypocritically) think, “what’s this person so angry about? it’s a cell phone.” 

Anyway, given my network theory.  The people using the iPhone hate the network that is clogged due to iPhone use.  It’s a catch-22 of epic proportions.  So, when these people who HAVE TO HAVE an iPhone, but have sworn a blood oath to overthrow AT&T are going to switch over to Verizon, then the AT&T network is going to clear up,right?   When that happens, then maybe the networks are going to be easier and the calls won’t be dropped. When that happens, then maybe people won’t be so angry about their cell phones anymore.  And when that happens?  Peace in the Middle East!

Jeez, what’s the deal with people being so angry all the time? Can’t we just grab a guitar, have a drink, smoke a joint and hug each other?  Anyway, I hope Verizon is ready for the onslaught of people and data.

If I wasn’t me, I’d probably kick my own ass

Just think of me as Calvin, and Big as Hobbes.

I was listening to the Nerdist podcast yesterday (thank, Big, for that recommendation), and Hardwick was talking to Marc Maron.  One of the things they were talking about made me have a near-epiphany on the treadmill and I want to see if I can replicate what he was talking about.

Maron basically made the comment, and I’m paraphrasing, “being my friend is a tough job, it’s a demanding and draining job.”  I thought about it and said, “yup, I feel ya man.”   Now, that’s not me saying “boo hoo, feel bad for me, I have no friends'”, that’s me admitting that the few people who are my friends probably deserve your pity for their Gandhi-esque tolerance and Jesus-like forgiveness/acceptance.

Whether it’s something I’m doing subconsciously or directly, I know it takes quite a bit of effort to be my friend.  You people read this blog, I pretty much hate everything on the planet that isn’t in my house, I have mood swings like a pregnant bi-polar woman, and I have a temper that makes Sonny Corleone look like a Care Bear. (To my wife, who reads this, you’re stuck to me in a binding contract, no quitsies!  Side note: the wife asked me the other day if she could write something up as Mrs. Brown.  I said she could, but she didn’t believe me.  You all help me convince her.)

I’m not apologizing, and I’m not playing a violin for myself.  I’m actually happy with who I am as a person and I am quite happy with my life.  I’m just saying that, I’m very self-aware of what a dick I can be, and that those handful of people that have been friends with me through think and thin are people who could probably broker a middle eastern peace treaty and cure the world of white trash.  The rest of the people who I’m friends with, most likely are friends with me purely out of association and begrudging acceptance…most likely you’re a friend of one of my friends and you kind of accept me as a package deal.

So, to those people who are my friends, I get it and thank you.  To those of you who maybe don’t list me on your friend, but realize that I’ve emotionally coerced you into hanging out with me, I’ll see you when I see you.  To those of you who stumble on this blog and don’t know me…well, go fuck yourself.