Really, what was so bad about Sean Avery's comments?

Huh?

Did they objectify women? Well, yeah, it kind of did.

Was it improper smack talk in a public forum off the ice? Well, yeah, it probably was.

Did it embarrass the Stars organization? Most probably.

Was it more WWE than it was NHL? Yup (probably why I liked it.)

My question is, what it really that bad?

Come on, in the grand scheme of things, saying a guy is enjoying your "sloppy seconds" isn't that bad.

If I were Sean Avery, I'd have looked in the camera and said, "Hey, Frenchy, how's my dick taste?"

If the Starbury thing happens, then the theory is true

I bet her breath smells terrible

I posed a theory to Big and Bear while walking down the street the other day. Sure, that might seem gay if you think about the fact that no one walks down a street in the state of Texas, let alone a fat guy, a bear and the guy from "Temple of Doom" who keep saying "Kaaliiimaaa!", but that's not really relevant here. (And have I got a sitcom idea for ABC!)

I posed the theory that Dallas fans are given a choice. Either the Cowboys are good and all the other teams suck, or the Cowboys suck and some of the other teams do well. While the Cowboys have had their downswing over the past decade, we've seen the following happen:

-The Stars become a relevant team and won the Stanley Cup in 1999.
-The Mavericks become a relevant team and a perennial 50-win, playoff bound, championship contending team.
-The Rangers have an 80 win season and we see players like Teixeira, Young, and Hamilton play.
-The Dallas Burn leave the Cotton Bowl for their own stadium in Frisco and re-christen themselves FC Dallas.
-North Texas wins the Sun Belt conference a few times and makes bowl appearances.
-South Lake High School becomes the darling of a nation's high school football programs

Now, the Cowboys see a turn around and begin to swing back towards greatness, and what happens?

-The Stars are the second to worst team in their division and can't seem to right the ship.
-The Mavericks look old and overpaid and, oh dear god no, are looking to make a TERRIBLE TERRIBLE decision.
-The Rangers are about to overpay free agents and trade away young talent in an effort to be the next Tampa Bay Rays.
-FC Dallas trades away their best forward for Kenny Cooper and haven't smelled a solid victory against the in-state rivals, Houston Dynamo, in awhile. (I have no idea if that's true, but you'd believe me anyway)
-Todd Dodge, in one move, screws two programs, South Lake and North Texas

So which do you prefer?

America's Team going through epic fail with the relative success and championship contention of the rest of the teams in the area?

OR

The Cowboys making runs at the title and the rest of the city's sports teams stuck a shit storm.

Hockey Look-a-Likes

So, in tandem with the beginning of the NHL Playoffs (Stars tonight), SI.com decided it'd be fun to take some of the players you'd be seeing this post season and compare them to "popular" entertainers. Some of them are uncanny, some are reaches. Really? Ovechkin looks like Jaws from "Moonraker"?

Your Dallas Stars got two entries.

Mike Modano in comparison to Jon Heder



Mikey-Mo of course, the most famous of the Stars and leader of American-born hockey players. Who does he get compared to? Napoleon Fucking Dynamite. Still, I can kind of see the resemblance.

Marty Turco in comparison to Rick Hoffman



Turco, the Stars starting goalie, is looking to finally exorcise some playoff demons (good luck against the defending champs). Who does he get compared to? Shit if I know, the guy looks kind of familiar. Doesn't he always play a gay guy or an underhanded lawyer? I dunno...what are you insinuating Sports Illustrated. I don't appreciate you making fun of a team I hardly follow.