The Big And The Brown

The End

2011-03-10T09:45:00.003-06:00

2 months ago, I came up with the radical idea of re-launching this blog. Big and I had let things go stale, but we still had plenty to say, so I thought, maybe I’ll jump start things with a series of mini-posts and that would be that. After all, I was maintaining being active on our Twitter account the entire time, and I figured as social media progressed, why shouldn’t we re-join the fray and re-establish ourselves within the blogging community.

So, for the past 10 weeks, Big and I have been fairly diligent on blog posts. We’ve tried to get one out each day, and though Big wasn’t all that jazzed about doing it again, he stepped in when I couldn’t and produced his usual greatness. Inigo and Fezzik had returned!

It was Twitter that turned the corner.

I liked Twitter. I really did. It was a way to follow comedians, sports reporters and other bloggers and know what was going on prior to stories hitting websites. I followed a few friends, but for the most part kept my focus on the other groups for entertainment.

I’m not sure when it happened, but somehow we (myself included) lost our veil of civility online. I’m not talking about trollers and general internet commenters, I’m talking about friends talking to each other. When I meet with my friends in person, I’d like to think we all have a good time. We kick each other in the balls, we make jokes, we tell stories, it’s a good time. We don’t sell things to each other. We don’t intentionally annoy each other. We aren’t deliberately malicious to each other.

Somehow with the advent of Twitter,the tables turned. Now, when with friends, everyone spends the entire time looking at their phones. They’re not conversing with each other, they’re Twittering with people who aren’t there or sometimes with the person next to them. Rather than telling friendly jokes, we’re spamming each other, checking-in, and telling each other “you should totally check this out” sales pitches. I don’t even want to hang out sometimes because what’s the point? I’m basically talking to the crown of everyone’s head because their staring at their phones.

I know everyone thinks I’m calling out Bear for his ChevySMC nonsense, but I think that, for me, was just the breaking point. For all intents and purposes, I should be happy for the guy, after all, one of my good friends won a friggin’ iPad, and that’s pretty fucking sweet. But, after the spamming on Twitter and the, oh so classy, “I won the iPad bitches” text message, I was angry. I was angry because it felt like someone valued winning a toy over keeping a good relationship with their friends. And then I got angry at myself, why the hell am I getting upset? It’s Twitter – who the hell maintains a relationship on social media?

But don’t we? When’s the last time I’ve actually had a conversation with my friends? Been awhile. We excuse ourselves with the occasional tweet or Facebook post as though that’s somehow the way to maintain a friendship. Sure, you’ll argue that I don’t come out anymore. It’s a fair argument, but it isn’t like anything is stopping me. I just notice that when we do come out and join everyone, all I see is everyone on their phone, heads down with their thumbs in a tornado (“Is THIS the only way I can talk to you, Dad?” ). Why do that when I can relax at home?

So…now what? Consider this my last post, for good this time, from this blog and the end of my using Twitter.

I’m sure I’ll get called a pussy by this person or that because I’m worried about what anyone else thinks or I’m getting upset because someone said something mean to me. Maybe I’m a hypocrite who does fine in doing a Waldorf/Statler impression, but when I have to actually interact, I keep my trap shut. Maybe I am a pussy, a hypocrite or just an person who doesn’t get new technology and how people communicate today. Either way, I can’t really think of anything positive with my friends and my relationships that’s happened with Twitter or this blog. I have a laundry list of negativity, hypocrisy and all out stupidity that has come from it.

Big may post here again, but I think now that he knows I’m done, he’ll retire because he was pretty much done as it was. I was the one responsible for dragging him back in. We’ll leave the URL and site up because I still use the link tree on the side. For those that I know, I’ll see you when I see you. For those that I don’t, I’m happy you came by our little corner and read what we had to say. It has been a great 3 years writing and sharing thoughts with everyone, but I think we’ve run our course.

Big's Response

"I was angry because it felt like someone valued winning a toy over keeping a good relationship with their friends. And then I got angry at myself, why the hell am I getting upset? It’s Twitter – who the hell maintains a relationship on social media? "

I couldn't have said it better. The relationship that I have with social media is definitely a love-hate relationship. Parts of it are fantastic, the ability to follow people of whos opinions I value, to be the entertained or learn from them, is such a great thing. the ability to follow events in real-time, is something I didn't expect but come to thoroughly enjoy from twitter.

But there are some bad uses of social media, and they do become the turn in the punch bowl. It's my fear that those who do use it poorly will drive away people like Brown.

As for the blog? I think it's best that we put it this way, don't expect new content all the time, if there's ever something we feel we want to write about we have space for it, right here at the big and the Brown.

Treat us like the sugar sheet, the site we link to. they don't post everyday, hell they don't post every month but when they find something interesting and they think that their readers would enjoy it they post it.

That's what we've become. So come check back with us every once in a while, maybe we'll have some new content maybe we won't.

And if Brown is really done, it's been fun. I'm glad we could share our insane, heated, sports conversations with people outside of us. maybe they enjoyed it, maybe they didn't, but I know I sure did. cheers.

-Big

When Twitter goes horribly wrong

2011-03-08T13:54:00.001-06:00

Not much to say here, but if you consistently tweet spam messages, you’re obviously trying to ruin the job you’ve done in trying to make everyone like you.

If you actually win whatever it is you’re trying to win, I hope you drop it and it breaks and you cry. You are the reason that global warming exists , cancer can’t be cured, gas prices are up and Justin Bieber is popular.

If you see someone tweeting a stream of spam messages, you have full authority, under the letter of the law, to walk up and punch them right in their bearded face.

Catching up

2011-03-07T09:45:00.001-06:00

First off, did you like that ruse I pulled to get Big back? I hope you did. I’m gonna get that large man blogging again regularly whether he likes it or not. Admit it, it felt good, didn’t it?

Anyway, I was out of town last week travelling and under water all weekend, so I missed out on a lot of things.

1. Charlie Sheen.

Wow. I refuse to believe any of this is legit. I think he and CBS knows how much Two and a Half Men is lampooned by everyone for being a shitty show that caters to the lowest common denominator and that watching that show regularly is akin to having brain herpes. I think they crafted this elaborate ruse to rope the cynical viewer in so as to capture all audiences. All of the stupid people who were already watching will continue watching, everyone else will tune in to see how Chuck Lorre writes himself out of this one. Combine that with an inevitable book or movie coming out with Charlie Sheen – VIRAL MARKETING ALERT!

Anyway, it’s entertaining as hell, but I don’t buy it for one second. People are already getting tired of “winning” and “tiger blood”. The shtick will die when it turns into the next SNL bit and everything will return to normal.

2. Spring Training

Spring training has sprung. We’re all watching the Rangers with baited breathe. Will they do a good job? Will Michael Young turn to cancer? Can CJ hold up the rotation? Will Colby repeat? Will Neftali Feliz make a good starter or are we “Joba Chamberlain-ing” him? Kind of good to hear baseball be at the top of everyone’s sports brains in Dallas in March. Great for the Rangers, but the Mavs are getting kind of ignored, which sucks.

3. Pluckers opened near me.

Not really much else to say, short of the fact that my wife and I are already regulars.

Anything else? No? Good. Talk to you tomorrow.

Growing Older - Its Cool Man

2011-03-02T11:39:00.002-06:00

I couldn't find a good pic to go with this post, so here is a chimp on a segway

Growing older: this is something that is often looked upon with large, fear filled eyes. Most people seem to look at the drawbacks, the questions, the……. negative parts of growing older. When should I have a family? Will my body hold up? I can't keep up anymore. Things of that nature. While some of those things are true, there a lot of really good things about growing older as well. As I approach turning 30 years old, I'm tired of all that negativity, let's talk about some of the great things about being a late 20s early 30s guy in 2011. Let's talk about some of those. So here's another list (what? Did you do a list yesterday? What are you, list man from listatinia?) That I like to call:

Big’s best parts of Olddom.

Experience

This one is almost no-brainer. Just being alive longer, exposing yourself to different situations, gives you an edge over people who haven't been in them. The experience that you have can be anything. How many fender bender's have I been in over the past seven years? Zero. The seven years before that? At least eight. And this can all stems from the fact that I’m just driving more. It has made me a better driver, and I've been in more driving situations to know how to react when something negative does happen, so I can avoid said accident.

Experience also gives you the ability to give good advice. Talking to a 24-year-old who just got out of college and is chasing his dream, you can literally help him with some sage wisdom that you learned just a few short years ago.

Let's not discount the experience that you gain in the art of courting and pleasing the opposite sex. I saw a comic that I couldn't agree more with when he said, and I'm paraphrasing here, while the libido of the 19-year-old may be stronger than mine, I'm like a well-trained sniper who can one-shot kill from 300 yards, and he is like a baby with a Tommy gun. Sure you shoot more bullets, but hitting the target for you is almost accidental, mine is a precision strike with deadly accuracy.

The arts.

I've always been a fan of the arts, I was in theater my younger days, I played in the high school band as well as taught myself guitar in college, and while I personally have very little artistic ability when it comes to the visual arts, they fascinate me nonetheless.

That said with the more experience you gain, the different emotions you encounter, and the more research you can do that only comes with age, truly gives you more respect and admiration for all of them. How do you truly understand loss never lost someone, I can you understand exploration if you yourself have never explored? Questions like “am I doing the right thing?” “Is this the best I can do?” or “why did this happen?” Helps give depth and meaning to artists like Dégas, Shakespeare, or the dude who wrote “alligator rock.”

Music

Speaking of music, this might be my favorite part of growing older. While there's no question that popular music is for the young, artist like Lady Gaga, Bruno Marrs, and Katy Perry are all talented in their own right, and I can even enjoy some of their song stylings, my ability to fall in love with a pop act may be nonexistent nowadays.

And I've never been one to preach things that you often hear “music aficionados” say. Things like “the radio doesn't play good music,” “the bigger the band gets the more water down their sound is,” and my personal favorite “oh so-and-so sold out, and is just doing it for the money.” I don't say those things not because they are necessarily true, because to a degree they all are, just not in the negative connotation that they are most often used, no I don't say those things because to me music is such a personal choice, and depends heavily on your influences, emotions, and more importantly personal taste. If your brain hears Britney Spears’ “If you Seek Amy” and it sparked joy and excitement inside of you, me telling you that you're wrong, and you shouldn't feel that way, is one of the most destructive things that I could do.

So with all my preaching done then, and explain why growing older I enjoy music more. The more time you have to explore things, and try new things, the more often you will find something fantastic that you didn't really even know existed. This has been my experience with music as of late. Diving into genres and sub genres of music lead you to find new and exciting things. The whole alt-country scene (Whiskey town, Casey Anderson), led me to the alt country rock scene (Lucero, Sun Volt), which led me to the indie rock scene (MGMT, Death Cab), which led me to the East Coast indie rock scene (Gaslight Anthem, Airborn Toxic Event, LCD SoundSystem) and who knows where it will go next.

Another great thing about all of this, is most of these bands, or least bands like them, will come through Dallas, and play venues that are not the AAC, or Verizon, or the Yellow Pages, big arena type places. You might catch a band at the double wide, or dada, or aidars saloon, where you can have a cold beer, a shot of whiskey, and stand back and listen to music.

And that brings me to the last point I want to talk about

Drinking

drinking is a double edged sword as you grow older. It's very true that bouncing back from a hard night of boozing becomes more difficult older you get. Not to mention the fear that comes with overindulging, for some reason a DWI is far less scary at the age of 22 that is a 29. While getting blackout drunk, and puking everywhere was sometimes a goal to some people in our younger days, now it's kind of looked down upon. More so by yourself and other people.

All that said, drinking still kicks ass as you get older. You can enjoy a good buzz more without needing to get “wasted”. Some people have a little more money(not me), so they can enjoy a finer spirits. Pitchers of Miller lite are replaced with bottles of seasonal Sam Adams, or even gasp, a glass of red wine. It's not as strange anymore to see a middle-aged man with a martini, or a glass of scotch, as it would be if you saw younger man do it.

I could probably go on little bit longer, hell I didn't even get into sports, but as I look down and see this is already over 1000 words, I'm going to Just end it with this.

Getting older, as all things in life, has its positives and negatives, it ebbs and flows, it has its hills and valleys, and I try and take it upon myself when I am in that valley, not only look behind me and say “look up great that hill was,” but look in front of me and say “look how great that hill is going to be.”

Big podcast list

2011-03-01T11:26:00.010-06:00

Dog Listening to Podcasts? Dog Listening to Podcasts.

One of the things I've recently been getting into, I say recently but it's been like two years, and to be honest it's probably one of the reasons why don't write much this blog anymore, is the wonderful world of podcasts. We have often joked that the big and the Brown should start their own podcast, and it yet may still happen, but today I bring you the dear readers my list of podcast that keep me entertained. There's a mix of sports and humor history and even little psychology. So enjoy!

The BS report with Bill Simmons

This and the Nerdist are probably the two podcasts I listen to the most. When I say the most a mean almost daily. I'll pop

one of these two all my speakers when I'm getting ready in the morning, or when I'm working out, when I'm playing a videogame that doesn't require sound.

The BS report is hosted by Bill Simmons, a columnist for ESPN.com, who writes mostly about the NFL, the NBA, and anything Boston sports related. He's a big pop-culture fan, especially pop culture of the late 80s early 90s. He's a big fantasy fan, he plays fantasy baseball fantasy football and even talks about fantasy basketball every once and a while. His show is a mix of entertainment and sports, with guests like Adam Corolla, Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel on the entertainment side and Mark Stein, Mike Lombardi, and Ric Bucher on the sports side.

He is extremely entertaining and I cannot recommend him enough. If for no other reason than to hear him and Dave Jacoby talk about the real world Road rules challenge. Pure gold

The Nerdist

This is the other podcasts I listen to extremely frequently. It's hosted by Chris Hardwick, who used to host singled out on MTV, which I know is not high selling point but this guys comedy is extremely good. His interaction with his cohosts Mike Myra and Jonah Ray is entertaining enough on its own, but each week they interview a different "famous person.” Usually another comedia

n, and usually they talk mostly about stand up, where inspiration comes from, how they got started, what they like about stand up what they don't like about stand up, all those normal things that interviewers ask what it's done with great humor and self-deprecation.

It's called The Nerdist due to the website that came before it that Hardwick runs, and Hardwick's philosophy that every body nerds out over something, whether it's comedy, video games, movies, or even food. Because of this show, I've started following different comedians, watching different television shows (like Dr. who), and all in all becomes a much more rounded nerd. Love it.

Fresh Air Podcast

I know it's from NPR, but before you start with the whole “there's big pushing his liberal agenda” bit, here me out. This is a great little podcast that involves interviews and reviews of both pop-culture and the arts. Terry Gross is the host of the show and usually puts out one about every week. Recent interviews were with James Franco Natalie Portman, and Tom Hooper who was the director of the King speech. If you’re into hip hop at all, go find the interview with Jay Z. Great stuff.

Comedy Death-Ray Radio

Comedian Scott Aukerman host this little podcast, and brings with him a lot of his buddys from the world of “alternative comedy” which is a bullshit term, but that’s the label most of the have. Guys like Andy Richter, Sarah Silverman, Zach Galifianakis, Michael Ian Black, Adam Scott, and Paul F Thompson. If you dig those types of comedians, you’ll dig this show.

History of the world Podcast

This is a series that the BBC did called a history of the world in 100 objects. It's 100 different podcasts that last about 15 minutes each, and each one focuses on one object and uses that object to explain the time period from which it came.

Shrink rap radio

To be honest this is a podcast that I've yet to start listening to, but one that I'm very interested in. The tagline for this is "all the psychology you need to know in just enough to make you dangerous." I've been on a bit of a what makes your brain tick kick lately, and this is just a part of it. Topics of this podcast include: mindful sleep mindful dreams, a psychiatrist most bizarre case studies, and exploring behavioral economics. I know this will be everybody's cup of tea, but I thought my included in this list.

Bow to our New Overlord! (and lets see if i can still do this)

2011-02-28T09:50:00.006-06:00

Oh Sweet Lord Trebek! What have you DONE!?!?

With brown out this week, Its my goal to give all 14 of you that still come to our little cul-de-sac of the blogoshpere what you expect, fresh piping hot content. Should be good times. I haven't done this consistently for a while now. Its like riding a bike right? So let me just step up on this shwinn here.....OH GOOD GOD!

Does physical humor work on a blog?

(Gets up, dusts self off, trys to hide raging pain boner)

Well that was fun. So on to my point. Whats up with computers? I know right? Crazy!

Man i'm rusty. Bare with me, or this might be a long week. Let me just lead off with the part of this story that i know about, Sports. I mean come on, we are a sports blog right? That's what everybody is here to read about, right? Hardcore Sports Manlove!

Its not like Deadspin has started running daily bits about pop culture.......

Or TBL often starts and ends each day with a round up of non sportie news........

or that Bill Simmons has a highly rated pod cast that often talks about Real World/Road Rules Challenges........

or that the ticket in Dallas despite it's poor 9,000 watt station is out dueling mighty ESPN and CBS radio stations with segments such as "trifecta talk," "top 10 temperatures," and pimping bands at the reconsider lounge......

Wait, all those things are happening? Fuck. I HAVE been gone a while.

One thing will never change, however, and I know this to be true like death and taxes, The NFL and their union will always be the most powerfull being on the planet, and NEVER EVER GO AWAY.......

(receives text from brown)

STRIKE! WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I swear to all that is holy, if there is no NFL Draft, and i don't get to spend 10 hours a day studding draft film's like a Stevie studies Cunninlinguis tapes.......

(receives another text from brown)

there will be a draft......just maybe no season next year. Good, my stab-ability scale just went down from Julius Caesar to Ron Goldman.

Good, now onto my point of this whole post. The NFL Draft Combine. (wow, even i didn't see that one coming, but give me time, it will all come back around)

The Combine is going on as we speak. (i may or may not be streaming it at NFL.com)

The big name, skill guys on offense (QB's, RB's, WR's TE's) and the o-line went through there drills this last weekend. Let me share with you some of the numbers.

40 yard dash fun facts.

5 Guys so far have run SUB 4.4 40's. (fastest so far being the running back from maryland Scott)

All but 1 QB was sub 5.0. 7 at 4.65 or under. 4 sub 4.5.

2 o-line guys ran a sub 5.0 (Kelce from Cincinnati, and Bartholomew from Syracuse.) and one (Newton from Arkansas State (what up sun belt!)) at 5.01. That means 3 O-linemen ran faster than the slowest QB.

8 Runningbacks ran a 4.5 or under

People of Note:

Jake Locker: 4.59 40, 35 inch vertical, 10' broad jump, 6.77 three cone, 4.12 20yard Shuttle

Cam Newton: 4.59 40, 35 inch vertical, 10'6" broad jump, 6.92 three cone, 4.18 20 yard shuttle

Julio Jones: 4.39 40, 17 Bench, 38.5 vert, 11'3" broad (record is 11'4"

AJ Green: 4.50 40, 18 Bench, 10'6"broad.

I know that's a lot of crazy numbers that i just spit at you, and most of you don't know what any of those mean. Point of all this is let you know this: These guys are freaks. More so now than in past years even. 2 QB's who will play QB in the NFL running a sub 4.6 40? A WR who can jump from a standstill no less, the length that would equal 2 browns head to toe? (He's not a tall man)

All of this can mean only one thing, these guys are..............

Robots.

Judgement day is here! Watson on Jeopardy has proved computers are smarter than us, now they are faster and stronger than us as well. All hail Skynet!

( I know, it was a long post to get to a stupid, predictable joke, but give me a break, i'm rusty, i'll do better tomorrow. )

Brown out next week

2011-02-25T17:57:00.001-06:00

Don’t know who Gordon is, but this is definitely how our readers feel about me.

There will be a Brown Out next week on the blog, as I’m not going to be in town and will not have a means with which to blog.

Pray that Big makes his return…or at least goes YouTube on your asses.

HahChickapaTahWooHeeNahNah!

College students…

2011-02-25T09:38:00.001-06:00

Serve me my coffee, keep your political opinions to yourself.

I remember being in college. A) I’m not that old and B) college was a memorable experience. Now, I wasn’t a big partier, and my life’s goal wasn’t re-creating “Animal House”, but I wasn’t the depressed college kid who spent night alone staring at the wall because I’d gone from little pond to ocean of people. I was just a regular, non exceptional, one of 50,000 students at Texas.

My goal in college was basically to work my ass off to get a job that would provide the means to live my life the way I wanted it. If I wanted to eat Velociraptor omelets sprinkled with diamonds to make my doo doo sparkle, then I’d have to work for it, simple equation. I never really paid any attention to causes or politics, and if you’ve been to Texas, then you know that’s damn near impossible to do.

Anyway, I always made a point to read the daily newspaper and read the editorials as well as walk by the West Mall because I was guaranteed an interesting protest or awkwardly social cause. I still make a point to read the campus newspaper online and follow along with comments, and now that I’m a ways away from college life, I’ve affirmed by simple belief.

College kids are stupid because they’ve got too much time and independence.

Think about it. A lot of college students are in college to find out what they want to do for the rest of their lives. It’s their first time away from home, and most of them have a certain sense of financial non-responsibility. Either it’s parental support, scholarship or student loan combined with a part time job. (I’m sure everyone who read this blog had to work 40 hours weeks and study 50 hours a week because they put themselves through school, and I’m just a spoiled brat who got in on scholarship, parental support and a part time job. I guess I’m spoiled then. First world problems!)

Anyways, without any real fiscal responsibility and whirling in a general studies atmosphere with no supervision, I think college students find themselves in the enviable position to be able to glom on to current events. So, you’ll have a group of thousands of college students protesting and trying to make arguments about how immigration reform should happen and taxes shouldn’t be raised and this state senator is doing this and this state senator is doing that. They’ll write impassioned please for why student government matters and why if you don’t act now, the world is going to end. They’ll think that this is there chance to recreate the 60’s where protests matters and social mores were challenged and things changed. I remember at commencement, we had the Secretary of the Treasury speak and a bunch of student tried to interrupt him by stripping their gowns and screaming “No Blood for Oil!” over and over again.

These kids pay little to no taxes and contribute nothing to society short of keeping vintage clothing stores open, and I’m supposed to give a shit what they think? Pardon me if the voices I choose to listen to are the voices of people who are living in the real world and have real world problems. People who support families, pay mortgages/rent and bills, pay taxes. Sure, there are many people in college doing those things, but $10 says they’re not the ones politicking and protesting because those people have to make it to work and then make it home.

Anyway, if you’re a college kid, spend your time enjoying college. Discover what you love to do. Get drunk on a weekday. Meet people and find new hobbies. Don’t try and act smarter than you are and beg for people to listen to you when you have nothing relevant to say.

Amazon is slowly taking over my life

2011-02-24T09:13:00.001-06:00

Not this one…

I have an admission, and it’s simply that I’m terrified of online activity. Call me old fashioned, but I’ve always preferred to go to a store, physically touch items, and then purchase them from a sales person. Always have.

It’s got nothing to do with online security because there’s just as much safety in some 17 year old kid at Best Buy then there is in a 17 year old hacker being able to get into my computer/network and get my information. You can argue the ability to get to it is easier, but in the end, if it’s going to happen to you, it’s going to happen to you, the best you can do is protect your shit.

No, the reason that I’m “against” buying things online is simply that I don’t trust the other end of the transaction. When I go to a store, I can see the object I’m buying. I can touch it, I can turn it around, I can see what’s there and what I’m getting. Online, you don’t know if you’re getting the product or a box with bricks. Does this make me sound like a 60 year old man? Well, you damn kids and your internet should know that by now. I just learned “LOL” didn’t mean “Lots Of Love”. I never claimed to be smart, my wife married me because she can bounce a quarter off my ass.

Anyway, over the holidays this year, I took the not-so-novel approach of buying all my gifts via Amazon. Holy shit, did you guys know this place existed? I thought all you bought was books, but no, you can buy anything you want on there. Hell, I bought a kidney! A REAL LIFE HUMAN FUCKING KIDNEY! (I did not buy a kidney). Anyway, ever since getting a Kindle (that’s right, I’m a better person than you), my obsession with Amazon has grown further. Now, I don’t feel like going anywhere (more than I used to…it ain’t called the Fortress of Solitude for nothing) because I can just get it on Amazon and have it shipped in 2 days time. My shoulder visibly slump when I realize I need something now because it requires me to have human interaction.

How fucking sad is that? I’m an anti-social person as it is, and now I don’t even want to go to the store to buy stuff. Anyway, my point is that the internet has allow shut-ins like me to completely disconnect from the real world and never leave the comfort of their own homes. I’m not quite sure this is a good thing. Now, for my next discovery, did you guys know that you can buy music on the internet too? There’s this cool thing called iTunes…

So, Melo is a Knick…superteam numero dos?

2011-02-22T09:00:00.001-06:00

Image courtesy of Deadspin….and satan

It happened last night…I guess technically it’s supposed to be official today. In a 15 player, 4 draft pick, $6 MM swap across New York, Minnesota and Denver, Carmelo Anthony is headed to the Big Apple to team up with Amare Stoudemire. This whole thing stunk of “the Decision” and this shift of players turning into GM’s and controlling free agency is becoming a real pain in the ass.

“But, team’s with two superstars is completely normal”

That’s a statement I completely agree with. I think it’s more than reasonable and possible to put a team together that pairs up a “Batman & Robin” with a Commissioner Gordon on the side with the rest of the Gotham City police force. (For my example, let’s stick to the classics – no need for Barbara Gordon or the Birds of Prey, shall we?) In the “modern” era of basketball you had a main superstar, a complimentary star in the second tier, a third star in the second tier and role players. Even the “Super Teams” might have had a bunch of big names, but those were fading, aging stars, never big time guys in their primes.

This started going South with the Celtics.

Not Parrish, McHale and Bird. I mean the current Celts, Garnett, Pierce and Allen. Remember, the Celtics were a lottery team putting their hopes on Al Jefferson and Paul Pierce? Then in one hour at the draft, the Celtics turned into Pierce, Allen, Garnett and Rondo. Turned around and won a title. Then Kobe got mad. Said trade me or surround me. Kupchak and Wallace made the deal – the Lakers turned into Kobe, Gasol and Ariza – the next year turning Ariza into Artest.

I think those still followed suit with superstar, second tier, third tier, role players. It dipped its toe into “hey, wait, that’s a shit ton of superstars”, but it wasn’t anything anyone really saw as players organizing their own teams. It was the GM’s and coaches who were stockpiling, and that’s their job.

Then came “The Decision”. I’m not going to rehash this, but when James, Bosh and Wade organized themselves to convene in Miami and make it happen, you knew the game had changed.

So, how does this apply to Carmelo Anthony? He takes the entire first half of the season, holding Denver hostage, wanting money AND demanding that he get traded to New York. New Jersey was next door, and they’re moving to Brooklyn. They had the best package available for Denver, but, no, Melo would only go if it was the Knicks. So, you’ve got 2 parts: Melo and Amare. Who’s the third? Simple – look to New Orleans. A franchise that’s out of money and being run by the league that’s threatening to eliminate them. That’s going to setup a dispersion draft. Now, hark back to Carmelo Anthony’s wedding this summer and Chris Paul saying that he, Melo and Amare should play together and follow suit of Miami.

Whether we like it or not, CP3 is going to join those guys in New York, and we’ll have player-controlled franchises in NY and Miami. It’s only matter of time before Chicago follows suit. When the league “runs out” of superstars, will we see a shift back to team ball and the Pistons/Spurs teams of the early 00’s? Time will tell.

So there I was…me and the mountain

2011-02-21T09:12:00.001-06:00

Went on a big trip to Lake Tahoe this weekend with 9 other friends. There wasn’t any big “thing” that we were celebrating, just all 10 of us have our own lives and we don’t get to spend time together as “just guys”, so it was a trip to re-wind the clock about 7-10 years.

I have two main observations : 1) I take back ever defending AT&T because I totally understand why anyone West of the Rockies hates the services. 2) Talk big all you want to, but we aren’t in college anymore.

So, quick note on AT&T. How about throwing up another tower or 10 on the West Coast? I couldn’t make calls or send text messages the entire weekend. It wasn’t just my phone because the other guys that have AT&T had the same issues. In fact, I did a bit of a ping test when I had service. You know what tower my cell phone was using for service? A tower in Seattle, WA. I was in Lake Tahoe, 100 miles from Sacramento, 45 miles from Reno, but the service tower was IN SEATTLE. That’s bad planning.

Now, the main point, we’re not young guys anymore. I knew that, but it takes a weekend like this for me to be reminded. We all had a lot of fun this weekend, so it isn’t a complaint at all. It was great being with the guys again and cramming 10 of us in a hotel room literally having fart competitions and making a hotel run out of towels. It was a bit sad when I realized that everyone was down and out by midnight. You know what, “sad” is totally the wrong word. It’s eye opening.

Gone are the days where we could go to the bars till 2 am, come home and after-party till 4 or 5. Gone are the days where you talk about all your big plans. Gone are the days where you wonder if you’ll meet your future wife or the next morning’s mistake that night.

Now, I’m not saying that I miss those things, but the last time the 10 of us were together like this, no one was married, no one had kids, everyone was in school and weighed about 25 pounds less. When you all get together again, it’s a little funny that a few of us that didn’t ski still spent the day drinking, but instead of “partying”, we were talking about how much fun it’ll be to take our wives up here, 1 guy was most concerned about finding the right gift for his daughter, and 1 guy kept saying that he can’t wait to bring his stepson up here because it would crack him up to see his stepson lose his shit when he saw the snow. See? Not bad, just different. Keep in mind, we had these conversations at the same time one guy stole another guy’s camera and took close up pictures of his ball bag…so, maybe the more things change, the more they stay the same.

When we re-joined as a group, it was to eat dinner. Sure, the plan was to go to the bar and drink, but inevitably, you’d start seeing yawns, which led to more yawns, which led to people dropping off, and then, by midnight, everyone was back in the room and either already asleep or sitting on the balcony.

I’m not saying that I miss partying, or that I wish we could turn the clock back. What I am saying is that it doesn’t dawn on you how much time passes and how much you have grown as a person in your own life until you put yourself back in a position that you used to be. It isn’t a bad thing to grow up, it is a bad thing to wish you were still young, or act like you’re still young. If you spend the entire time “wishing” you were still a kid, or acting like you are still a 22 year old, then I think it says something about how you aren’t happy with how things are today.

This weekend was awesome. I say that with no sarcasm or exception. It was fun, and it was a blast to hang out with the guys again. The fact that I was happiest when I walked into my house and saw my wife and dog tells me that I’ve got the life I dreamt about as a kid.

See? I told you asses that the “I’m happy” posts aren’t funny and make me sound like a haughty jackass. Oh, and snow douches are lake douches on ice.

This anti-bullying thing has gone too far.

2011-02-17T09:05:00.001-06:00

I’d say talk about this subject has died down, but I don’t know if it really has or not. Seems like you can’t see a headline on the news now a day without some kid killing themselves over being bullied in school. Movie, music and television industries came together for an “it gets better” campaign to let kids know that bullying stops and things get better.

Any of this ringing a bell?

Well, given the proliferation of the Gaga and shows like “Glee”, I feel like people have gone a bit overboard on the bullying thing. (Side note on “Glee”: it’s been on the air for 2 seasons. The show has had 113 songs on the the Billboard Top 100. That breaks Elvis’s record. No original songs. Breaks Elvis Presley’s record. Think about that. Check your blood pressure. Exactly.)

It’s come to a point now that people are hiding behind the word “bully” or “bully-ism” as often as people who use “racist” and “racism” as a defense. Let’s get one thing straight, there’s a HUGE difference between the two, and anyone who tries to equate them is dealing with an extreme case of one (bully) or eye-rolling case of the other (racism). I do feel somewhat qualified because I’ve experienced both. You don’t grow up in a small town in Texas as an Indian guy without hearing some racism and you don’t have greasy hair, coke bottle glasses and a pube-stache for 17 years without getting bullied in school. Shocking, I know.

You might remember hearing the story of the “fight” between “Glee” creator, Ryan Murphy, and Kings of Leon member…um…King Leon. (Another side note on “Glee”: Ryan Murphy created “Nip/Tuck”, one of the best shows I’ve ever seen that pushed every boundary possible on television. Now he’s doing “Glee”. Le sigh.) (Side note on Kings of Leon: I do not like them.) Anyway, King Leon said that Murphy couldn’t use the song “Use Somebody” on the show, and Murphy unleashed a tirade about how King Leon didn’t support a show that was going to end bullying, which only mean that King Leon was a bully himself.

What? Isn’t this on par with John Wiley Price screaming “racism” at the term “Black Hole”? Let’s get a grip people and save the terms for when they actually need to be used.

Look, I get it. Due to the proliferation of the internet and cell phones and the decreasing intelligence of people, kids set themselves up for ridicule and embarrassment. Thank God, You Tube wasn’t around when we were in school else god knows what shit I’d still be cover my eyes about. Still, I don’t think that kids teasing and mocking kids has gotten any worse than it ever was. Maybe I’m wrong, after all I haven’t stepped foot in a school in a long time (insert joke here).

Cards on the table, I had an idea where this post was going, but it kind of fizzled and died. I think you can grasp what I’m going for here. Stop overreacting with the term “bully”. Kids are generally ass holes, so they’re going to be ass holes to each other. Glee will be the downfall of our society. Kings of Leon sucks. Thank you and God Bless America!

How 15 minutes changed the face of Professional Wrestling

2011-02-15T08:21:00.001-06:00

I get it, you think you’re better than me because I watch pro wrestling. My excuse is, I’ve been watching since I was 7 years old, what’s your sad excuse for watching “The Bachelor”? Anyway, I’m not here to debate with you why I watch pro wrestling. I am here to talk about last night and the 15 minutes that changed the face of pro wrestling.

Wrestlemania takes place the first weekend in April. Normally, the WWE will spend from the beginning of January building the storylines to culminate in Wrestlemania, the WWE’s Super Bowl. The past few years have mainly seen the usual suspects feuding with each other (Cena, Orton, etc.) and the Undertaker extending his winning streak, most recently having the 2 best matches I’ve seen in 20 years with Shawn Michaels, ultimately ending HBK’s career.

Thing is, storylines have gotten a bit vanilla and complacent. Bad guy vs. Cena, Cena prevails. Done. Sure, you had some great characters like a CM Punk or the Miz who could work a stick and the ring and get heat from the crowd, but the pops came from the new segment, the PG crowd. Everyone remembers the wrestling boom of the 90’s – the Attitude Era. Cussing, blood, heavy and overt sexual content – these were the calling cards of the Stone Cold Steve Austin’s, Mankinds and DX. When the boom ended, the WWE shifted gears into PG programming. Gone were the beer-swilling, middle finger throwing foul-mouthed heroes, in came the clean-cut, all-American, love the troops, hustle, loyalty, respect John Cena.

And it worked. A new audience was grown. Wrestling is extremely popular, mainly with kids and not so much with adults – and that’s because that’s the demo they’re going after. The adult crowd was turned off – like going from watching internet porn to watching Skinemax – you don’t quite get the same response that you got before. Where were the guys you wanted to hate and the wanted to hate you? Where were the guys that were so bad that they were actually the good guys? What happened to the guys that could get you so worked up on the microphone, it didn’t matter that they sucked when it came to actual wrestling?

The game changed last night. Finally, the Rock came home.

The Rock announced as the official host of Wrestlemania, and in 15 minutes, he kicked off the most exciting speculative set of “what’s going to happen” since WCW Starcade in 1997 (that’d be the one that saw me and Big jumping around a buddy’s living room for a solid 20 minutes because Sting beat Hogan. yes we both had girlfriends, no they weren’t imaginary).

In 15 minutes, the Rock gave heed to the following:

He will be back in a near-full time capacity. Does this mean he’s the “anonymous GM”? Will he stay after Wrestlemania?
He will not hesitate to fight – will we get a dream match at Wrestlemania?
He called out the Miz – he basically called the champ a bitch.
He called out Cena

Ahh, now we have the most intriguing part. John Cena is the modern day Hulk Hogan. The eternal good guy. The role model for kids. The guy that the WWE pushes in EVERY marketing campaign. Cena = WWE. The Rock came out and called Cena out on everything that the older wrestling fans hate…and the ENTIRE crowd love it. There were no boos. There were no Cena cheers. So, it begs the question, is now the time for Vince to deliver the biggest turn since Hogan joined the black and white? Will Cena turn heel and face the Rock in the mother of all dream matches at Wrestlemania?

Makes sense – think about it. HBK goes into the HOF. Seamus wins the Elimination Chamber takes on the Miz for the title. Orton v. CM Punk. Del Rio v Edge. Undertaker retires Triple H. You’ve got your top 9 names players matched up and you biggest star is without opponent. Enter the Rock. Vince played his card masterfully. I think this is Vince’s swan song. This will be his Wrestlemania to put the WWE back on top for good, and from there he will officially hand the reigns over to Triple H and Stephanie.

Either way, the WWE has done something that has been lacking for damn near 5 years. The took predictability and punched it in the nuts. Every show is a must watch from now through April 2nd.

Valentine’s Day.

2011-02-14T08:58:00.001-06:00

I hope that’s doesn’t constitute underage content

So, today is Valentine’s Day. I’m more convinced now, as a married man, that Valentine’s Day is something that has been created for single people that are dating. I tell my wife I love her everyday and do something romantic once a day (I’ll wipe the toilet seat with my sock, put the seat down or spray air freshener…WITHOUT REMINDER!) so the fact that there’s an entire day devoted to that is preposterous.

So, why do we have Valentine’s Day? Well, there’s the obvious case that “Hallmark totally created this holiday because it wants to boost sales. I mean, this day is better known for a massacre and has nothing to do with romance.” We get it, no one asked you out in high school. Honestly though, why does this holiday exist and who celebrates it?

Two reasons:

For men: single women hate Valentine’s Day. Given the ambiance of the day and décor, women are bombarded by the fact they are single and don’t get to “enjoy” the festivities. Prime. Hunting. Time. I’d argue more ugly men get laid on this weekend compared to any other time because women are desperate and will look past a gut (OR PERHAPS HE’S PREGNANT!?! BEAR = SOCRATES) and they’ll end up taking a guy home and getting cupid’s arrow put all up in her valentine.

For women: men who are playing free agency hate valentine’s day (note the difference between this and single. these are guys who are dating a woman, but aren’t really that serious about it. I believe in common vernacular this is “talking” to someone) . it’s like being franchised by an NFL team. The guy doesn’t want to be locked down, but the woman can apply the pressure of a Valentine’s day to lock him down for another solid month or so. No guy, at least in his right mind, is dickish enough to dump a woman on Valentine’s Day.

Either way, Valentine’s Day is like any other day of the year that’s been designated as a “holiday”. It’s a simple time for you to look at the person you’re with and remind them what they mean to you. We take for granted how day-to-day our routines become and the people we interact with. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be specifically for your significant other. If you step back, look at your daily life and really think about the one or two people who you interact with every day and have a positive impact and make you feel good about something, THAT Is the person you should take a special second and tell them Thank You. If it’s someone close enough, just tell ‘em you love them, you don’t have to propose…(make sure you know them, don’t tell the coffee barista you love them, they frown on that.)

Point is, don’t look at the day as some uber-sappy, “make you feel bad for being single” type holiday. Just find the people that make you happy, let them know what they mean to you and tell em you appreciate them being there. Happy Valentine’s Day everyone.

I don’t understand how women and gay men think

2011-02-10T09:05:00.001-06:00

Tell me that’s not the most intriguing title for a post you’ve ever read.

The wife has had to work at the office late this week, so I’ve been getting home, taking care of the dogs and getting a shower out of the way before she gets into the house. Normally, when I take a shower, it’s a fairly quick ordeal, take shower, dry off, throw on some clothes and bada beep bada boop, I’m done and on the couch.

Yesterday, though, when I stepped out of the shower, I actually took a look at myself in the mirror. Seriously? That’s what women and gay men are after? It looks like I have Gonzo in a leg lock or something…not that I have a blue, furry penis. I know what you’re thinking a) why the hell are you looking at yourself in the mirror and b) that’s mighty cocky (PUN!) for you to think that women and gay men are attracted to you. First of all, everyone look at themselves in a mirror, it’s the god damned purpose of having one. Second, I’m talking generalities, and though I don’t exactly have a memory bank full of other penises to compare to, I’m going to assume that male bodies are the same…except for black guys, “Any Given Sunday” pretty much proved why white guys enslaved black guys: penis envy. (Kizzle just went and Netflixed “Any Given Sunday” and cleared her Saturday)

Anyways, back to the subject. Maybe that’s the proof that a man is straight, being horribly disgusted by his own penis. It isn’t some sort of body disillusionment syndrome. It’s the simply confusion over how women and gay men actually look at one and think, “boy, that’s one good looking penis, I’m going to put that inside my body”. I mean, how bat shit crazy is that sentence by itself?

I don’t think the reverse it true, though. A woman’s vagina is a beautiful thing. (Most of them, let’s just exclude the ones hidden by fupa rolls or the ones that look like someone overstuffed an open faced pastrami reuben.) I think that’s agreed upon by men and women. No one looks at a vagina and says “yuck”. Take a look at a penis and you think someone made a miniature model of the worm where they hid the Millennium Falcon in Star Wars.

It’s just baffling that for millennia people have been attracted to each other and women have evolved themselves enough to make their lady parts attractive all the way around and the best that men have done is decide that the turtleneck hoodie wasn’t working anymore. Oh, and before some super awesome guy chimes in with a “hey man, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, my dick is huge and women love my big unit and they’re lucky to see it let alone touch it.”, let me just get out ahead of you and say, okay you’re the anomaly big man, enjoy your fleshlight.

The funniest aspect of Twitter.

2011-02-09T09:49:00.001-06:00

I’ve made no secret of my love/hate relationship with Twitter. Very simply, I like Twitter when I use it, and I hate everyone else that does. See? Simple enough. Anyway, one of the funniest aspects that I find about Twitter is the obvious misconception people have that since they have the ability to technically communicate with everyone, it doesn’t mean that you can really communicate with everyone. Lemme splain.

Michelle Beadle is on Twitter. Michelle Beadle is the new poster child for every man’s fantasy woman. In the span of a few months she’s dusted every other sports chick and reigns supreme as the queen of sports hot. She’s to sports what Olivia Munn is to nerd culture. Apparently, she broke her foot or something last night and posted a picture of herself in the hospital. You can see for yourself at her feed: http://twitter.com/espn_michelle

Now, here’s the example of the comedy of Twitter. Read the comments. How far did you get before you rolled your eyes? Was it is “Love your pretty little feet?” or “be brave Prettiest One” or “even in a hospital your [sic] still beautiful”?

Let me clarify something for all the guys out there. NO WOMAN WILL LOOK AT YOUR TWITTER FEED AND DROP HER PANTIES FOR YOU. YOU’RE NOT THAT GREAT. I highly doubt women are on twitter waiting for some clever guy in Cleveland whom she’s never met to tell her she looks beautiful and that is going to be her siren song to give up her life to come fuck you. Maybe I’m wrong, I’ve never used Twitter as a dating medium.

All I’m saying is, the more of these comments you read and one-way interactions you see (God only knows how porn stars and Twitter have yet to combine their forces in the strangest episode of Captain Planet yet), the sadder it gets. I can only imagine some guy sitting in front of his computer with his Twitter follower list full of women he’s never met as he’s messaging “your beautiful” (grammar error on purpose) hoping he gets one single ping back.

Actually, I take it all back. It isn’t funny at all. Now that I’ve typed it all out, all these guys need is a hug and a hooker. NEW CHARITY CREATED!

Michael Young wants out…is he wrong to do so?

2011-02-08T08:50:00.001-06:00

Peace out, Arlington

So, this has been teased for the past few months now, and I think the acquisition of Beltre pretty much pushed him over the edge. Michael Young is now saying he wants to be traded away from the Texas Rangers because he no longer trusts management. Management says that he has simply changed his mind and decided he no longer wants to accept the everyday DH role.

I can see this from both sides, and I can see both sides having at least some ground to stand on.

Michael Young is the face of the franchise. For the past 11 years, he’s been here, toiling through the Texas heat, through Hicks, through John Hart, through Buck, you name it. He’s maintained he wanted to be here, wanted to the the captain, wanted to be the face of the team. He was active in the local community (as active as Dallas would let him be…remember, no one knew who the Rangers were until about August of 2010?). He learned under A-Rod, moved for Elvis and never made a peep about being upset. The club finally turns the corner, makes the historic run, and he’s asked to step further back from the limelight and become a DH. Michael Young feels that the club has finally become what he hoped it would be, and now the club no longer wants him.

It’s like something out of a bad teen movie. Guys dates girl who isn’t that hot, but is really great to be around. Girl discovers the gym and fashion and makeup. Girl becomes really hot and leaves the guy for greener pastures. Guy feels heartbroken and left behind. Michael Young feels jilted and is looking to nip it in the bud and leave early.

The Rangers, however, don’t exactly feel like Young is what he used to be. He didn’t produce in the WS, and he was a liability at the hot corner. If the Rangers brass feel like they are going to stay a competitor, they feel like Young is a liability that his 200 hits a season doesn’t really balance out. It’s why they made the moves for Beltre and Napoli. Either Mike Young gets on board or they trade him for what he’s worth. Nolan Ryan and JD have proven that they’ll put the club in front of individual players every time. It’s why Lee isn’t here. It’s why CJ making outrageous demands next winter won’t be listened to. It’s taking a “team first” philosophy and putting it before the “player first” mentality.

As a fan, the question remains, what do we want to believe and see? Do we want to see and believe in the players that have been there for US for 11 years? Do we want to trust management that brought us *this* close to the promised land last year? Do you trust the man in the laundry or the laundry itself?

New Nicknames for Aaron Rodgers

2011-02-07T14:49:00.001-06:00

A-Rod is stupid and A-Rodg is stupider. We need some new nicknames for Aaron Rodgers.

Given that the man’s a wrestling fan, let’s just rob and steal for him, shall we?

The Nature Boy, Aaron Rodgers
The Cheese Greater
The Iron Cheese
Aaron Adonis
Big Wiggle Rodgers

Other possibilities;

Gunslinger 2: Electric Boogaloo
Ryan from The Office
Aaron “Don’t call me Scott Stapp” Rodgers
Aaron Rogders

Add yours in the comments.

So, what’d everyone watch last night?

2011-02-07T08:52:00.001-06:00

Besides the obvious.

I watched “Big Fan” when I got home, and this is definitely a movie that I’d recommend to anyone who a) enjoys sports b) understands rabid sports fandom and c) listens to sports radio. It’s streaming on NetFlix and it’s only about 1.5 hours. It’s got Patton Oswalt and Michael Rapaport. Why aren’t you leaving the blog and going to NetFlix to add this to your queue?

Anyway, I’m not going to give a full blown summary here, but Patton Oswalt plays a rabid New York Giants fan who’s favorite player is the team’s star linebacker. He spends all day listening to the local sports radio station and is an avid caller to the late night show. He gets his ass kicked by the team’s favorite player and spends the rest of the movie wrestling between whether he should press charges and hurt the Giants by suspending their best player, or if he, in the most literal sense, “take one for the team” and say nothing.

It’s a good movie and I highly recommend it. If I’m way behind the times here, and everyone has already seen it, then I’m late the party and I want to talk about this and the final season of Lost.

Oh, and the Super Bowl was last night. The game was, I thought, great. I couldn’t really tell what was going on because everyone around felt it was a social hour rather than a football game watching party. That’s not Carl B’s fault, I thought his house and setup was actually pretty ideal for the party and I had fun and enjoyed myself. I can tell you all about being pregnant, fashionable work pants and how awesome one of our friends is because he can totally tell the difference between Grey Goose and Ketel One and you’re totally a fag if you can’t do that…brah. I can’t tell you of any masterful Joe Buck bon mots or Troy Aikman concussion moments. I did have a direct view of the tv though, and for that, I thank you, Carl.

If you’ve ever wondered why Big and I watch pro wrestling….

2011-02-03T13:01:00.001-06:00

This video from With Leather is all the proof you’ll ever need

Why we watch wrestling…

Yes, it’s snowing…I can see that.

2011-02-01T09:20:00.001-06:00

It’s snowing outside. I’m so very happy that you felt the need to tell me that. Please, update your Facebook wall and your Twitter feeds with messages and pictures, not necessarily informing everyone of what this is doing to your day or how it affects them, please just let me know “it’s snowing outside”.

I don’t have windows in my house.

I don’t have properly functioning ears that were woken up by sleet at 3 am.

I don’t have a dog who’s afraid of his own shadow that decided to barrel into our bed and wedge himself in between me and my wife so he could sleep when he heard thunder.

Matter of fact, I woke up at 6 am, showered, shaved, put on some clothes and casually walked into the garage. It was a good thing I check my phone to see people telling me that it snowed outside. Such wonderfully informant friends I have.

Ahh, I’m just fucking with you. It’s a snow day, and they’re rare as a three ball elephant (walk him and pitch to the rhino!) down here. Take pictures and enjoy it.

Missed it by that much…

2011-01-31T08:15:00.001-06:00

Where we live today…sports.

The weather this past week and weekend in Dallas was perfect. Low’s in the 40’s/50’s and High’s in the 60’s and even 70’s. I wore shorts most of Saturday, and it’s still January. Last weekend would’ve been the perfect week and weekend to have the Super Bowl. All the north east coast people would rave about Dallas in the winter, and it would be no time flat before the Death Star had another Super Bowl on its hands.

But…that was last week.

Allow me to share the weather report for this week:

Monday: 35/59 – cloudy
Tuesday: 13/33 – Wintry Mix Wind chill down to 0
Wednesday 16/22 – Wind chill down to –0
Thursday 21/34 – Partly Cloudy
Friday – 28/38 – Snow
Saturday – 38/55 – Sunny
Sunday – 38/61 – Cloudy

See that? When everyone is in town, ESPN had the gall to setup an OUTDOOR SET, the weather turns nasty and shitty. The weekend, gameday and after the game? Back into the 60’s. So, what’s that really mean? I think it’s fairly obvious.

God hates Jerry Jones.

First, he fires Jimmy and surrounds himself with Yes-men. He continues to bring in shitty people and shitty talent, all while living under expectations set forth 20 years ago by Jimmy’s team. He builds a new palace, but does so without properly pleasing the football gods – i.e. sacrificing a Manning child (How do you think Lucas Oil stadium went with the Indy super bowl win, and NJ agreeing to build a new Meadowlands after the Giants win? Sacrifice a Manning child, and you win a Super Bowl…mark it.)

If you see frogs in the sky and a red tinge to White Rock Lake, expect Stephen Jones to go into hiding.

Big Links for Friday

2011-01-28T10:41:00.005-06:00

get it? big links? GFY, I'm not a funny one.

Links brought to you by the letter C, for Cocaine....

Because Brown had a bad dream or something, I'm going to do something that I used to do on the reg, and something that just about every other blog site does, a day of links! So if you're looking for some interesting reading, probably want to go somewhere else, but if you're looking to waste a little time, check the sites out.

Greatest feud ever: Glee versus Kings of Leon. Someone might be challenging Brown for the most hate filled person on the Internet!

New thunder cats? New thunder cats. - It is done in Japan, so of course Cheetara looks like a 12-year-old now. Fucking Crazy Asians.

This homemade LED Pong clock is legit as shit. Honestly this whole make website is legit as shit. Like this weed flinging catapult

Ever want to be one of the Bob's? Corporation Inc. has you covered. Warning this game is addictive as balls.

This Brett Favre spoof is pretty good, if you haven't seen it yet.

Music: The Black Keys and Big Boi from Outkast got their two records mashed up (free download). The result is surprisingly good, and if you don't have big boi’s Sir Lucious Left Foot: The Son of Chico Dusty, his most recent album, go get it now.

And last but not least the second greatest pay-per-view for wrestling is this weekend, The Royal Rumble. Bet your sweet ass, I'm going to be watching it. It's got 40 people now! 40!!!

That's it! Hope I gave you some time killing options this Friday. Have a good weekend and as always #prayformojo.

Yoda Stalin approves

Tiger Returns to the Course Today

2011-01-27T08:49:00.001-06:00

For Shizzle

So, today marks the beginning of the 2011 season for Eldrick Woods. You might remember him from such films as “Greatest Golfer Ever” and “The Night I Cheated on My Supermodel Wife with a Perkins Restaurant Waitress” and “Rachel Uchitel: You Saw Her on Celebrity Rehab…Wouldja?” Anyway, last year Tiger was basically known for one thing, fucking pornstars and losing golf tournaments. He tried to return at the Masters, played throughout the year and didn’t win. He came close, but that mystique of Tiger and championship edge he used to have was gone and young guns like Lee Westood and Graeme McDowell took him down.

So, what do we expect from Tiger now? He fired Hank Haney and hired Sean Foley to “fix his swing” again. He says he spent his (now single) time alone re-grooving his swing, focusing on his short game and re-dedicating himself to mental toughness. Basically, he says that he has his A game back (he kept saying he was close last year) and now he’s poised to “re-claim his number 1 spot” –- if you didn’t know, this is the first time in 5 years that Tiger has not been the world’s number 1 ranked golfer, it’s Lee Westwood.

Here’s what’s different:

Tiger isn’t young anymore. He’s 35 years old. That’s not old by any means, as you saw guys like Jack winning in his 40’s, but take a look at guys like Phil, and Ernie and Vijay…they’re in their 40’s now and they aren’t really seen as the tour’s best. Tiger can’t do what he did before because his body isn’t what it used to be.
The tour has “caught up” with him. Guys like McDowell, Westwood, McElroy, Villegas, Watson, Kim…they all grew up watching Tiger Woods and priming their games off of his. Point is, they aren’t afraid of him, they can’t wait for the chance to stand up to the throne and take the spot. Hell, McDowell and Westwood already did and USGA is already looking at Kim to take the American mantle for golf from Tiger.
Media scrutiny. Sure, Tiger was the PGA, and everyone followed golf for Tiger. That’s nothing new. Difference now is Tiger has gone from being John Cena to being The Miz. People don’t love Tiger. People want to see Tiger lose. People want to see him fail. People want the king to fall and to see someone take his place. The media will feed off of that. I’m not saying you’ll see Feherty switch fields and start being a dick to Tiger, but I am saying you’ll hear more of Johnny Miller and Nick Faldo chipping away.

So, what do we want to see out of the new TIger?

Show his personal side. If the transgressions of 2009 and 2010 have proven anything, it’s that Tiger is not the machine that Nike, IMG, and the USGA made him out to be. We know that Tiger is a man and he has faults. Don’t be the A-Rod machine, show the personal side and try and connect. For years, golf fans have heard that Tiger is a prankster and, unlike Phil, the entire tour loves Tiger because when the cameras aren’t on him, he’s a genuinely nice and funny guy. Show that side to the world. It doesn’t change what you’ve done, but everyone loves a good redemption story – see Bryant, Kobe.
Drop the Sunday Red routine. If it doesn’t intimidate anymore, there’s no need to do it. Jim Duggan looks stupid carrying a 2x4 to the ring, he never gave up. Wear a different color, or open up your Twitter account (@TigerWoods) and let fans vote on Saturday – highest vote is the color you wear on Sunday.
Be smart with the game. Forget playing Angry Birds off the tee and showing the young guns who you are. That’s stupid. Remind us of cerebral Tiger. Play irons only on the links courses. If you’ve got the lead, play fairways conservatively and hold ground. Don’t push if you don’t need to, and leave yourself the easy up and downs.
Embrace being a heel. How great would it be to start seeing Tiger showing up to tournaments in fur coats, a cigar in hand and local strippers piling out of his car? Seriously, if the world hates you, and no one will forgive you, then take a cue from the WWE and embrace the hate. Become that figure that everyone hates, but has to watch. Scream “Noonan” at your playing partners. Make Happy Gilmore real.

2011 is going to be a make or break year for Tiger. Torrey Pines is “one of his courses” and he’s primed to start on a good note. It’ll take one major to get the monkey off his back and remind everyone who he is. Augusta is practically home to him, so I fully expect him to take another green jacket and return to prominence. Let’s just hope he does it the right way.

The State of the Blog

2011-01-26T08:52:00.001-06:00

Mr. Speaker, the Vice President of The Big & The Brown!

Fellow blog readership. I first want to say that the state of our blog is strong. We’ve put out more posts in the past 3 weeks then we did all of 2010 and the end of 2009 combined. I’d like to thank Big for working with me to find a bi-partisan way to post to this blog without letting our petty, political squabbles get in the way. (He’s pro-nice, I’m pro-angry…it’s like abortion without the teenagers and hangers)

It is my goal that has been set for this blog that we will average no less than 5 posts per week. There will be times where this is easier than others. There will be times where this is impossible because there is no internet available, but it is my commitment to you, the readership, to deliver on the promises that you deserve.

However, this blog is a blog of the people, and it can’t survive and grow without you. If we are to leave this blog in the hands of future generations, we must leave it in better shape than in which we have found it. This means MORE dick jokes, MORE angry posts and MORE YouTube videos from Big. We can do our part, but the onus (the anus?) also falls on you, our fair readership.

We must put aside such petty differences as you not being funny and me being fucking hilarious. We must put aside our egos and recognize that I am the greatest writer this side of Shakespeare. We must be willing to accept that if you took those last 2 sentences literally, then you are extremely stupid and shouldn’t read this blog for fear of bruising your brain. It means that YOU must provide feedback to US and let US, your writers, know what we can do to make this blog better for you. It means more comments, more emails, and more tweets. If you have an idea, write it up and send it in. If it isn’t funny, we’ll send it to Bear, that’s what his blog is for.

Our blog is back and I firmly believe that it is stronger than ever. Big and I have agreed to put our political differences behind us (until his back is turned, then I’m going to hit him with a chair…REVENGE!) to make our contributions better for you, the reader. I now charge you to share your thoughts with us, share your dreams with us and share your anus with us…let’s make the biggest Human Centipede that’s ever been! God Bless America and God Bless The Big & The Brown!

For the record, I was right

2011-01-25T11:16:00.001-06:00

About 3 years ago, I wrote this post right here on this blog, and in it, you’ll notice the following line:

“And here's another hot sports opinion about Jessica Simpson: Not. That. Great. If you want to find a large breasted, man-face having girl who can't sing well and has an over bearing father, go to Baylor's campus any day of the week. It had to be said.”

That line of mine (RHYME!) drew this comment from our favorite commenter, Gerry Dorsey:

“disclaimer: this post was written by a bitter cowboys fan who watched his boys lose to an inferior team with home field in the playoffs still on the line. jessica simpson IS in fact smokin' hot and although she got way too much face time, she did deserve at least a little bit of it. please direct your anger at fox as it was not her fault they kept focusing on her sweet, sweet rack. thank you.”

Gerry, I’m going to give you the floor and ask for an apology and retraction from you now that she’s proven that she’s the real-life version of Kendra from “The Cleveland Show”

Things I’m irrationally afraid of…

2011-01-25T08:44:00.001-06:00

We’ve all got things we’re afraid of, whether tough guys like Big want to admit it or not. Most things are traditional types of fears/phobias – heights, enclosed spaces, bugs, snakes, prison, etc. Others tend to skew on the irrational side of phobias – the number 13, pennies, mustard, etc.

Well, I was joking when I saw the Subway commercials this weekend that I think I need to add Layla Ali to my list of things I’m irrationally afraid of. Then I got to thinking about it, and I have a couple of things that I’m afraid of that are kind of irrational. Now, I realize that my friends are complete dicks and will purposely put me in a room of these things, but that’s just what you ass holes do.

So, in no particular order:

1) Layla Ali – Watch a Subway commercial. Tell me if you don’t think that woman has the capacity to rape you…WITH YOUR OWN PENIS.

2) Whales – Yes, it’s true. I hate whales. They scare the shit out of me. It doesn’t mean that I curl into the fetal position at Sea World, but God help me if I’m on a boat and see a whale. There’s nothing majestic about a giant animal that, by simply altering its direction under water, can take out the object that is keeping me afloat and everyone in it. Whales, they’re fucking Lenny from “Of Mice and Men”…stupid enough to swim into Boston Harbor and big enough to take down an armada…yet somehow, succumb to the Japanese…it’s why I buy Sony products.

3) Children singing – Listen to Pink Floyd’s “the Wall”…that’s some fucking scary shit. Now listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers “Aeroplane'”. Now listen to the kids choir in “Home Alone'” JUST AS FUCKING SCARY! Kids are creepy when they sing. Laugh, play, enjoy all you want to, but the minute a group of kids start singing, hackles get raised on my back.

Okay, this post ran out of steam because I got a phone call and totally lost my train of thought. So, there you go, I’m afraid of Layla Ali, Whales and Children Singing…so, take me to Sea World when she’s doing an appearance with the Vienna Boys Choir and you might see my explode like the movie Scanners.

Thoughts on the upcoming Super Bowl

2011-01-24T09:07:00.001-06:00

The Packers and Steelers easily had one of the best regular season games this year that was back and forth out of the chute and trading punches the whole way through. Let’s hope for a repeat
Why the hell does Lewisville have Super Bowl banners on the street lights? I mean the official, NFL Super Bowl XV banners with the word “Lewisville”. Shouldn’t that be restricted to Arlington (stadium), Dallas (NFC), Ft. Worth (AFC) and Irving (Valley Ranch)? Last I checked, the Fighting Farmers stadium isn’t big enough to withstand that magnitude /admiral ackbar’d
I like Aaron Rodgers. He was my MVP pick last year. I don’t have a joke, I’m just saying he seems like a decent enough guy, and his celebration is wrestling related.
Everyone in Dallas bitching because Pittsburgh and Green Bay are playing in the Super Bowl here had damn sure better be in their 50’s. This is hardly the same league as Landry, Noll and Lombardi’s was 40 years ago. Let’s stop pretending that we care. The same people who are complaining are the same people who stopped watching football when the Cowboys went 1-7 and want to trade Romo because Kitna’s “better”.
I am in paralyzing fear of what traffic will be like next week in this city. That being said, all this construction was supposed to be done before the Super Bowl…kind of missed the mark, didn’t we?
I tweeted this but, The Situation is having a Super Bowl party at Blackfinn in Addison. I dare say that’s just not douchey enough, right? Shouldn’t he be at one of the one word places in Uptown?
GameDay Final on the NFL Network is easily one of the best shows on television.
What gets more play: Rodgers potentially displacing Favre’s legacy or Roethlisberger potentially joining Bradshaw, Montana, Aikman, and Brady with 3 super bowls
If (when) Deion gets in the HOF, does he thank Jesus first or himself?
If this was the WWE, I’d guarantee you this game would have a Polamalu v Matthews Hair v Hair stipulation.
My pick : Packers 24, Steelers 21 – game winning drive for Rodgers.
My secondary pick? Bear will grow his beard real strong this week as though he’s playing in the game and say that’s what he used to do for the high school playoffs.

The Texas Network

2011-01-21T08:51:00.001-06:00

You don’t make $80 MM profit every year without pissing everyone off

Ok, let’s say that I am one of 10 phone makers in the South. Myself and the 9 other companies all represent AT&T. All of the money we generate, and all of the hype we generate benefits not only ourselves but also AT&T. If I’m AT&T, it doesn’t really matter who of the 10 of us does well, it just matters that a) AT&T has a representative in the discussion versus Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile, Boost, etc. and b) cellular phones, in general, maintain their growth and popularity.

Now, my company happens to make the most money of the 10 companies, and my company gets first pick when it comes to the best talent to be hired: creative people, sales people, technology people, you name it. The best talent usually chooses to go and work for one of the top 3 companies in the area.

Because my company has the most money, and because my company’s phone is one of the e most widely used phones, to the point that a lot of the nation inside and outside my area has my phone, I am able to broker a deal with the Belo Companies to have my own page in the Dallas Morning News, my own site on DallasNews.com, and a my own spot on WFAA to be run during every show. It benefits me because I get to promote my product, and it benefits Belo because their relationship with me ties my loyal patrons to them as well.

AT&T benefits because they get high profile. Cellular phones benefit because they get more promotion. My company benefits because of the deal that I have struck with a media channel. In the business world, I would be heralded for smart business sense and I would be lauded for the deal that I have made. Would my competitors be mad? Sure, but it isn’t my job to make sure my competition does well. As long as AT&T has a competitive phone against the other companies, it doesn’t matter because AT&T can still compete. Other companies can switch allegiances to Verizon and what-not, but AT&T is too recognizable to not be in the “who’s the best cell phone provider in America?” argument.

So…explain to me again, how is it Texas job to take care of the rest of the conference and why are Oklahoma and A&M screaming foul?

American Idol is back

2011-01-20T09:46:00.001-06:00

Who’s the old lady next to Jennifer Lopez?

I don’t watch "American Idol”, per se. I watch the first few weeks of “American Idol” because, like everyone not named Big, I enjoy watching a train wreck. The new season started up, and, unless you’ve been living under a bridge, you know that gone are Simon Cowell and Kara DiGiorniolliollioxinfree and coming to the show are Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. Randy Jackson remains because, well, Journey isn’t making albums and daddy needs to get paid.

So, right out of the gate the first thing I notice is that “American Idol” seems to think that Jennifer Lopez is a bigger music star than Steven Tyler or Jimmy Iovine. Did I miss something? Just when the hell did a former Fly Girl become more famous than the front man for Aerosmith or the brain at Interscope? Did that memo get lost in the mail? What’s going on here?

Second, where’s the mean-ness? I’m starting to think maybe we need to promote this blog (at least my posts) in England because being mean (or, as I call it, honest) seems to fly a bit more over there. I don’t want to see Steven Tyler singing along and drumming the table or Jennifer Lopez being nice, I want a snarky Brit rubbing his man boobs and telling someone they are tah-rri-buhl.

Third. Jennifer Lopez doesn’t look that bad for a 42 year old Mexican mother of two married to Skeletor.

Fourth. Steven Tyler. Oh man, what happened? I can completely understand why Joe Perry kicked him out of the band. Steven Tyler is slowly morphing into Janice Dickinson, or vice versa. Is that was Liv Tyler is going to look like in 60 years? Yeesh.

Finally, “American Idol” will always dominate rating simply because it was the first out of the gate with the whole singing competition idea (since “Star Search”) and people will flock to it. I don’t care for the competition itself, but don’t think that you have to tone it down because your snarky Brit is gone. Come on, Fox, turn it up. Don’t let “Glee” ruin “American Idol”. Next time someone can’t sing, have Randy Jackson walk up and slap them. Have Steven Tyler just shoot heroine on screen because he’s so disturbed he’s going back to drugs. Have Jennifer Lopez…I dunno, let a boob fall out or something. Regain the Fox attitude.

Nude Music Friday Lite - Things I over heard at Girl Talk

2011-01-19T12:05:00.003-06:00

This last weekend I went to go see a concert, if you can call it that, from an artist called girl talk. And even though it is motto is "I'm not a DJ" he pretty much basically is just a DJ. Now he is a very specific kind of DJ, but a DJ nonetheless. For those of you who don't know who girl talk is let me explain. Girl talk can mash up a Beatles backbeat with an Andre 3000 song, and then take that right into a Twisted Sister and Trina mash up. That sounds pretty insane, I know, but take a look at this video. The video explains it way more than I can with words.

allow me to also explain what this guy does at his "concerts." Up on stage there is DJ booth set up with a computer at the front of it instead of turntables. At the beginning of the show girl talk comes out dressed to the nines in a suit or something spiffy like that, gets on the microphone and says stuff like "Dallas are you ready" and another typical hype you up type stuff. Then he bends over and basically presses play on his laptop and plays his mix tape. (Which you can download for free here )(which is something I highly recommend you do, it is fan fucking tastic)

once the music is going, the lights get going, the lasers get going,(all that's missing was titties for it to be strip club) and everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY started dancing. This is where the girl talk show becomes something you would never expect it to be. No matter your level of intoxication, people who are around you, things you're wearing, you've just start dancing.

All that, you mix "hip or trendy music" with hip-hop, adding in a bunch of young people really cutting loose, booze, and random other narcotics, you get a pretty interesting crowd. Mostly white, mostly young, mostly well-to-do, basically mostly SMU kids. If it wasn't for the hip-hop, and "don't give a fuck" mentality, this would be hipster central.

So without further ado, here are the things that I heard at the girl talk concert.

Girl in our party walking up to where we were tailgating where we were listening to LCD sound system: “ohhh sound system, we gonna party tonight!”

Young kids next to us in the parking lot, wall taking a pull from a milk jug containing some green liquid: “I call this a green DRANK, it's like purple DRANK, but with Green apple schnapps”

exchange with young kids next to us in the parking lot:
Them : have y'all been here before?
US : yes (it was at the Palladium)
Them : can you smoke inside?
Us: no
Them : not even weed?
Us: no no, that's okay.
Them : Sweet

some dude dancing near us: "i haven't felt this good since fourloko was gone!"

while at the bar, waiting for a drink, ten of the 15 people (I counted) around me : “I wonder how much a jager bomb is?”

While leaving the concert, random girl: “I wonder if chet, or chaz are having people over tonight.”

All and all like I said it was a great time, but the young kids future douche factor was through the roof. Take that for what it's worth, the music was still great, the dancing was still insane, and I can't wait to go back next time.

An ode to Pizza

2011-01-18T08:48:00.001-06:00

Hope you ate breakfast because this’ll make you hungry

You might remember that I already wrote my piece on sandwiches being the greatest food ever. A close second, might be pizza. Pizza, similar to that of the sandwich, is very simplistic, yet one of the most versatile food items out there.

People need to stop trying to trick up pizza and just stay on the classic front. For example, what’s wrong with plain pizza cheese? Nothing. There’s absolutely no need to apply goat cheese to a pizza. Come to think of it, there’s nothing appetizing about the goat, why in God’s name did we decide to treat it like a cow? Same with crazy ass toppings. There’s no such thing as a “gourmet” pizza, and there’s no need to have a toppings list the length of the dead sea scrolls.

Crusts are a whole separate issue. Crusts are great, but they shouldn’t be taken for more than they are. The pie tin of pizza-dom. Deep-dish, Chicago-style pizza is okay, when you’re in Chicago at the original. Otherwise, you basically screwed up a lasagna and you’re trying to pass it off as pizza. Nothing, absolutely nothing, tops the classic thin crust New York style pizza. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the only thing that separates the “high end” pizza joints from your run of the mill Pizza Huts and Domino’s is the quality of crust.

So, even though types of pizza, size of pizza and toppings of pizza are the most debated topic in the history of food, I will submit to you, the top 5 pizza combos on the planet (in no particular order).

1) Plain Cheese
2) Sausage and Mushroom
3) Ham and Pineapple
4) Onion and Jalapeno
5) Barbecue Chicken

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “where’s pepperoni?” I’ll ask you, why have pepperoni when you can get sausage or ham? See, pepperoni isn’t that great, it’s just a conditioned response from when we were kids. We had two options, cheese or pepperoni. That was it. That’s carried over so much that we’re conditioned that pepperoni is a top choice, when I’d argue it really isn’t.

I welcome your thoughts.

"Knocked the wind out of me, Yes he did!"

2011-01-17T10:21:00.002-06:00

Happy MLK day.

How to Win Awards in Hollywood…

2011-01-17T08:28:00.001-06:00

Giggle.

It’s easy, just make a movie or TV show about gay people during the Holocaust.

Ok, even I admit that’s a terrible joke that probably deserves a rim shot/slide whistle/gong noise after it.

I was watching the the Golden Globes last night, and couldn’t help but roll my eyes every single time that the show “Glee” won something. (I could throw the movie, “The Kids are All Right”, into this post, but I hadn’t heard of it before last night, let alone seen it.) It has nothing to do with gay people, I just feel like it’s not a good show.

I saw the first season/half-season of the show because I was a huge “Nip/Tuck” P1, so I was willing to watch it if Ryan Murphy was involved. Thing is, I really liked that first season of the show. It actually had a solid series of interwoven plot lines, plot lines that were dark if not eyebrow raising for a network show. It also managed to intermingle music in a pretty damn good way that kept you interested…way better than that “Viva Laughlin” show ever did…anyone? anyone?

However, I think the show was ruined by its own success and by its own fans. Glee’s fan base is made up of Oprah fans, young teenagers and gay people. Let’s not mix words here, that’s God’s honest truth. Nothing about that demographic says that they should’ve continued with the story lines they had, they all pointed to, crank up the tuneage and focus on the gay kids. That makes perfect business sense, and I’ve got no problem with it, hence I exercised my option to no longer watch the show.

I’m not trying to say that everyone should think like I do (stop shaking your head), but come on, critics need to slam on the brakes with this show. “Glee” was up against the following: “30 Rock”, “The Big Bang Theory”, “The Big C”, “Modern Family” and “Nurse Jackie”. First of all, where the hell was “Community” on that list? Shit, what about “Archer” or you know well written or well acted shows that legitimately make people laugh? Taking the oversights out, how the hell do you take “Glee” over “Modern Family”? It’s obvious that the HFPA doesn’t really know a whole lot of what it’s doing (Not having “Sons of Anarchy” or “Justified” be nominated is a god damned shamed…though Katey Sagal winning was a nice touch), but it just seems like shows that should get critical acclaim get passed up (and sometimes cancelled) because shitty shows with cookie cutter approaches to high value demographics win out.

Maybe I’m just showing my super indie side, and I’m a closet hipster who totally knows what’s good and what everyone else likes sucks. Let’s just hug each other, be happy and make a gay holocaust movie. I want to have my red carpet wardrobe malfunction.

Verizon getting the iPhone will make AT&T’s network better.

2011-01-14T08:54:00.001-06:00

Are people going to wait outside stores in this weather?

Everyone is thrilled that Verizon is getting the iPhone. Why? The universal answer leans towards “AT&T’s network sucks”. The minority are Verizon people who’ve been stuck with crap that would just like a nice phone to have.

I have a theory about this. AT&T’s network sucks because it’s the only one with the iPhone. I can’t back up this theory because I don’t know shit about the technology. So, if you’re a technophile or you’re Bear and have access to Wikipedia, then by all means, correct me in the comments.

No one who has an iPhone actually uses it for telephone calls. They use it for texts, for internet browsing, for Twitter, for Facebook, for apps, for whatever, but rarely for phone calls. By the way, that goes for all phones, but this is iPhone related…we don’t talk anymore, we text. (I have an iPhone for work, and though I don’t use it, it’s a nice phone and I can see why so many people like it…not those “Apple or Die” hipsters, but regular people.)

Anyhow, I digress. The theory is that you’re on the AT&T 3G network, and that network is 10 kinds of clogged up with people on data transmissions, then naturally, it is going to elbow out the voice bandwidth. Hence, dropped calls.

I’ve been an AT&T customer since cell phones became commonplace (I think I got my first “regular use” cell phone in 2004. I had a cell phone before then, but that’s when monthly plans only gave you like 30 minutes a month and I only used that to call my parents and my then-girlfriend.). I actually haven’t had any of the problems that everyone else seems to have (sitting strong on the EDGE network). I don’t seem to notice dropped calls or anything like that, so when people swear a blood oath against AT&T, I (hypocritically) think, “what’s this person so angry about? it’s a cell phone.”

Anyway, given my network theory. The people using the iPhone hate the network that is clogged due to iPhone use. It’s a catch-22 of epic proportions. So, when these people who HAVE TO HAVE an iPhone, but have sworn a blood oath to overthrow AT&T are going to switch over to Verizon, then the AT&T network is going to clear up,right? When that happens, then maybe the networks are going to be easier and the calls won’t be dropped. When that happens, then maybe people won’t be so angry about their cell phones anymore. And when that happens? Peace in the Middle East!

Jeez, what’s the deal with people being so angry all the time? Can’t we just grab a guitar, have a drink, smoke a joint and hug each other? Anyway, I hope Verizon is ready for the onslaught of people and data.

G.R.O.S.S. Fight Club

2011-01-13T10:20:00.003-06:00

This is the greatest video of all time, I know because I read Calvin and Hobbs as a kid so I can say that and you can't get mad at me if you disagree.

H/T : GorillaMask

Being “retired” means I get to be an analyst, right?

2011-01-13T09:46:00.001-06:00

More or less, me

When sports players retire, inevitably we see them crop up in ESPN or Fox booths and studios as analysts. In some cases, its almost literally the next day. I’d like to think that after a man gets married, he is “retiring” from the game and with that in mind, he gets to enter the booth/studio and become an analyst. Instead of having to study defenses on the field and know how to break through and score (god damn I love this metaphor), now I get to sit on my high horse, looking down on the field and saying “hmm, should’ve done that” with a smarmy attitude (if that’s a Madden ranking, I’m a solid 99).

With that being said, I’m retired and I’d like to sit in the studio. I’m not going to claim I was a HOF guy or even anyone who merits mention. I’d say I’m more like Sean Salisbury. I played the game, and then I retired. Now I spend my day analyzing things, eating hot wings and sending pictures of my dong to my wife. Hi, babe!

So, here’s what I’ve noticed from the booth:

Women

You understand that fashion means nothing to straight men, right? I’m not saying walk around in pajama pants and a sweatshirt.(though you tend to think that’s okay to do for some fucking reason. Seriously, have we fucking degraded so much as a society that it’s acceptable for people to walk around in pajama pants and a god damned sweatshirt? Don’t give me the “its comfortable” excuse because that’s bullshit. There’s a difference between your house and public. Put some jeans on.) What I’m saying is that the shit you see designed by some queen on Project Runway makes you look stupid, not sexy. Here’s some tips:

Boobs are great. We love them. If you’re going to show them, don’t get offended. If you’re fat, we don’t want to see your boobs because your cleavage and your knee fat look identical.
Wear what fits. This means that if you’ve got a belly like mine, form-fitting clothing doesn’t work. If you’ve got stumpy legs, perhaps leggings shouldn’t be your option. If you’ve got a flat stomach and rocking tits, avoid the fleece pullover.
Makeup and jewelry, less is more. The worst thing on the planet is when a women looks like she shoved a firecracker up a parrot’s ass, closed her eyes and accepted what happens next as her make up. You shouldn’t have to “put on your face”. The difference between you with and without makeup shouldn’t be Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. As for jewelry? Well, I pity the fool who fucks Mr. T’s mom.

Men

Wow, we’ve gotten quite awesome haven’t we? We go to the gym, we dress “fresh to death” in our screen printed t-shirts (Ed Hardy to douche, irony to hipster!), and we spend a lot of time grooming our facial hair. (Beards? Really? Beards are in? I get being lazy and just not wanting to shave, but if you’re spending an hour trimming a beard and making sure lines are straight, just cut your throat and do the world a favor.) By the way, when did it become acceptable to not actually talk to a woman and instead use Facebook, Twitter and texting to flirt? (See how I play my studio analyst role? That’s what I used to do and how I met my wife, now I say it’s stupid!! GO ME!) Jesus, just grow some balls, walk up to a girl and say “hi, my name is Brown, what’s yours? Can I buy you a drink?” What’s the worst that can happen? She is going to stand up and say “hey everyone! this little dick loser just asked me for my name and to buy me a drink. what a fag!” ? I doubt it. She says no, and you move on. (STUDIO ANALYSIS!!!)

Skinny jeans were made for women. You are a man. Don’t wear clothing made for women.
Facial hair. I appreciate a solid beard or mustache that says “I’m too lazy to shave and I don’t care” or “I’m a Canadian lumberjack” or “I’m comic, Kyle Kinane”. But actively spending time in the mirror trimming your face? Come on.
V-Necks are for folks who don’t need an undershirt peeking out of a shirt or for sweaters. Men shouldn’t have cleavage.
Jewelry. Just because the Situation stole shit from Madonna’s Vogue video, doesn’t mean you need to wear a Jesus piece to rival Lil Wayne. Unless you’ve got a hot new album dropping tomorrow and the studio gave you an advance to hang a diamond plated midget from your necklace, tuck that behind your shirt. You also graduated 10 years ago. I think you can safely put away your school ring now.

Again, I’m a studio analyst, so I have complete license to make these calls and you’re not allowed to question anything I say. I played the game, man. I know how it goes. America, nay the WORLD, wants to hear my thoughts and opinions because mine matter.

We’ll protect everyone’s voice…except Conservatives

2011-01-11T09:31:00.001-06:00

You’ll find none here.

Look, I’m not looking to start a political war here. My political beliefs are about as moderate and down the middle as it gets. On some things I’m all the way right, on others I’m all the way left. What I’d like to think is that I apply logic and thought to each of the topics and develop my OWN opinion rather than just listen to Glenn Beck, Keith Olbermann, John Stewart or Rush and take it as the gospel.

However, given the tragedy in Arizona, I noticed something coming from the squawking heads on the left. (When I say that, I don’t just mean Olbermann and Maddow, I’m mean comics, celebrities, hippies, Gawker, you name it) was that they immediately started blaming the tea party, conservatives, Rush and Sarah Palin.

Huh?

Aren’t these the same people who beg and plead with conservatives NOT to blanket blame of Islam and Muslims for 9/11 and other terrorist attacks? Why is it okay for one side to blame a group of people for a tragedy and then scold that group for blaming someone else? I’m not equating the Arizona tragedy with 9/11, so don’t jump to that conclusion. What I’m saying is, when did it become okay for you to blame one set of thoughts, but scold others for blaming a set of thoughts?

Can’t we all agree that this dude was just bat shit insane? I’m not calling for gun control to change. I’m not saying that a map of “targeted constituencies” goaded someone to actually target a constituency. I’m not even blaming a failing health care system for not catching a crazy person. All I’m saying is, this Loughner kid was crazy. Period. There isn’t a political spin to it.

So, even for you non-politcos out there, don’t take this tragedy and start assigning blame because you feel like you need a logical reason for why things happen. Shit happens and it happens without a reason or justification. That’s life. We should mourn those who were killed. We should ask ourselves what can we do better to help prevent bad things from happening. We should also take a moment to be rational and apply thought when things happens that we can’t imagine.

FYI, no post tomorrow morning as I’m out of town on business.

Is Garrett the right man for the job?

2011-01-10T08:39:00.001-06:00

Patience, my young padowan

We’ll see, I guess.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock or too busy watching Glee to take, you’ve seen that Jason “Garrett-Top” Garrett is officially the new Cowboys coach. Based on him taking a 1-7, listless team and turning them into a competitive 5-3 team, he got the job and an unexpected vocal confirmation that he’ll have final control over coaches and players.

Only 2 men have had that type of control under Jerrah, Jimmy and Parcells. What does that mean for Garrett?

Who knows?

Jimmy coached in a time without free agency and salary caps (don’t quote me on the second part, it does make me look smart though). He put together a team rife with talent, made big trades and operated without interjection from a novice Jerry Jones. For all intents and purposes, Jimmy took this franchise and brought it into the modern era. If Landry was #1 in the Cowboy coaching books, for our generation of Cowboys fans, Jimmy is 1A.

Parcells came in on his white horse amid Gaily and Campo. He took a lazy, underachieving team that Jerry had mutated, and brought them back to norm. He didn’t win playoff games or a Super Bowl, but he took the Cowboys from joke to back in the discussion. Like with Jimmy, Jerry ceded control to Parcells. Parcells, however, brought in the old guard (Pepper Johnson, Mo Carthon, etc.) and tried to re-create the magic he had in New York and New England. He had the right philosophy, but the wrong execution.

Whitlock nailed it on the head when he described Peyton Manning over-thinking and over-doing. He said that the greatest quarterbacks of their time had a coach that was cerebral enough to think for them and allow the players to execute on the field. To quote him, “Joe Montana had Bill Walsh. Tom Brady has Bill Belichick. Terry Bradshaw had Chuck Noll. John Elway had Mike Shanahan. Troy Aikman had Jimmy Johnson. Bart Starr had Vince Lombardi.” The NFL is a quarterbacks league, and if Tony Romo is the next Staubach/Aikman (great QB, rings) instead of the next Meredith/White (great QB, no ring), then he must have his Yoda.

Can Jason Garrett be that Yoda? He says he’s sat with Jimmy and Troy to learn from them. Forget the Princeton education, does he have the sideline education? He spent more than enough time behind Jimmy and Norv with a clipboard. What has he gleaned? Will he over-think it or will he be Tony Romo’s brain for him? Jason Garrett’s job is to hire the assistant coaches around him to handle the player squads around him. His focus should be on synching his quarterback’s brain with his own and letting Romo do it on the field.

Man, does this guy just hate everything?

2011-01-07T09:40:00.001-06:00

Bitches.

I tend to get that question asked a lot of me, and the answer is, mostly. I do like things, my wife, my dog, sandwiches, Star Crunch, lamp…but let’s be honest, you don’t want to read about that. Hell, even Big calls me out on it now and then.

There’s nothing entertaining about being happy. Admit it, if this blog was chock full of me saying things like: “you know what’s great? Being in love.” You’d vomit all over your computer, come find me and give me a wedgie. Then you’d think that this was one of the most un-entertaining blogs on the internet (you might already think that…check that, you do think that based on our page views.)

When’s the last time you heard a comic on-stage say “I love puppies. And hugs are great too.”? You haven’t, because it isn’t funny and it doesn’t really get you laughing. Most people laugh at people bitching about stuff because its most likely things you also are annoyed by and can appreciate people cracking jokes at it.

If you think I’m being negative or hypercritical, its because I know that those are the kind things that people actually find somewhat comical. I could rip off posts about how great my wife is or things my dog does that make me smile, but it might be quite the geigh post, no?

So, we’ll try and pepper in a few positive posts and more comedy-driven posts like Big’s “explain a rap song” or caption contests, but yes, for the most part, this is going to be a forum for my bitching about things because, god damn it, that’s how you like it. When Big gets back, we’ll go back to sunshine and daisies, until then, embrace your hate and come to the dark side.

They grabbed Ricky…how’s about Vince?

2011-01-06T13:54:00.001-06:00

Everyone thought that Miami was crazy when they took a flier on a crazy Ricky Williams. He leaves the Dolphins this year as their most productive running back in franchise history, and a fairly consistent 1000 yard back.

Now, there’s another Texas great, labeled as crazy who’s first team has lost hope.

Come on, new look Miami Dolphins. How about you pair up Jim Harbaugh with a new quarterback named Vince Young?

If I wasn’t me, I’d probably kick my own ass

2011-01-06T09:10:00.001-06:00

Just think of me as Calvin, and Big as Hobbes.

I was listening to the Nerdist podcast yesterday (thank, Big, for that recommendation), and Hardwick was talking to Marc Maron. One of the things they were talking about made me have a near-epiphany on the treadmill and I want to see if I can replicate what he was talking about.

Maron basically made the comment, and I’m paraphrasing, “being my friend is a tough job, it’s a demanding and draining job.” I thought about it and said, “yup, I feel ya man.” Now, that’s not me saying “boo hoo, feel bad for me, I have no friends'”, that’s me admitting that the few people who are my friends probably deserve your pity for their Gandhi-esque tolerance and Jesus-like forgiveness/acceptance.

Whether it’s something I’m doing subconsciously or directly, I know it takes quite a bit of effort to be my friend. You people read this blog, I pretty much hate everything on the planet that isn’t in my house, I have mood swings like a pregnant bi-polar woman, and I have a temper that makes Sonny Corleone look like a Care Bear. (To my wife, who reads this, you’re stuck to me in a binding contract, no quitsies! Side note: the wife asked me the other day if she could write something up as Mrs. Brown. I said she could, but she didn’t believe me. You all help me convince her.)

I’m not apologizing, and I’m not playing a violin for myself. I’m actually happy with who I am as a person and I am quite happy with my life. I’m just saying that, I’m very self-aware of what a dick I can be, and that those handful of people that have been friends with me through think and thin are people who could probably broker a middle eastern peace treaty and cure the world of white trash. The rest of the people who I’m friends with, most likely are friends with me purely out of association and begrudging acceptance…most likely you’re a friend of one of my friends and you kind of accept me as a package deal.

So, to those people who are my friends, I get it and thank you. To those of you who maybe don’t list me on your friend, but realize that I’ve emotionally coerced you into hanging out with me, I’ll see you when I see you. To those of you who stumble on this blog and don’t know me…well, go fuck yourself.

The Greatness of Sandwiches

2011-01-05T13:47:00.001-06:00

I love sandwiches. I could eat them for every meal, every day and I think I’d be a happy person. I know, you’re shocked that I a) like something and b) could be happy. You can’t be surprised that it’s food related. It’s simple, no showy and delivers on what it promises.

Think about it. The sandwich is the most variable food on the planet, yet it really boils down to some basic ingredients:

Bread.

Main stuffing – meat, cheese, large veggie, salad (chicken, egg, tuna, etc.), etc.

Accessories – lettuce, tomato, pickle, etc.

Dressings – mustard, mayo, ranch dressing, ketchup, etc.

Four basic groups, endless possibilities. I don’t think it’s too much for me to say that if you don’t like sandwiches, you must hate America.

Top 5 sandwiches, in no particular order:

1) Reuben
2) Turkey & Ham
3) Meatball Sub
4) Tuna on Rye
5) Grilled Cheese

Add yours in the comments.

That’s great, you love God, keep it to yourself.

2011-01-05T08:09:00.002-06:00

My goodness, Brown has a sense of humor about himself too!

I fully expect that I’m going to confuse some folks with this topic. Normally, I try and avoid religion as a subject like the plague, but I told you I’m not holding back this year, so let’s just get this out of the way now.

I’d say about 90% of the people I interact with on a daily basis are of the Christian faith. Some are “hardcore” Christians, some are simply aligning themselves because it’s how they grew up. These are people that range from my wife’s family to my best friends to people in grocery stores. I’ve attended church services before, both Protestant and Catholic. I’ve seen people so touched by what they perceive as God’s message they’ve been reduced to tears, and I’ve seen people out and out reject the concept of God and religion all together.

Here’s the thing, both of those reactions and everything in between are perfectly okay and legit.

This post isn’t me telling people what they can or can’t believe. This post isn’t me making fun of people that believe or admonishing those that don’t. What I’m trying to get across is, no matter what you believe, that’s what YOU believe and it’s not for anyone else to cram their thoughts in your face or for you to do that to them.

I’ve got a couple of close friends that I happen to know are deeply religious people. They attend Church, they tithe, they pray, all of the things that are asked for in their daily lives by their scripture. I respect these guys because they don’t impress on me their beliefs, they don’t evangelize, they don’t go around inserting God and Jesus into every discussion. At the same time, they have no problem standing up and defending those that do. I understand where they are coming from, I really do. People who feel the need to ram religion down your throat happen to share the same religion and what right do I have to tell them they can’t celebrate that fact?

That’s the problem. There’s a fine line between celebrating your love for your own creed, and force feeding it to everyone around you. There’s a site called stfubelievers.tumblr.com, and it’s meant to poke fun at people who insert religion into everyday items. It’s intent is to be humorous, but it does,what I feel, is a good job at highlighting the ridiculous nature of the people I’m asking to kindly shut up.

No one has a problem with you loving God. I have a problem with you feeling the need to remind me on an hourly basis about it or judge my thoughts because they’re different. Is it insecurity? Is it that you need OTHER people to justify your belief for you? You can’t repeat the same concept over and over and then get offended when someone points out your absurd obsession. If I flooded your media and conversations with messages praising the glory of english muffins, after a certain amount of time, you might start thinking “what is it with this guy and english muffins? I like english muffins, but this is ridiculous”. Look, I love english muffins, I LOVE THEM. I have one every morning. That doesn’t mean people who like bagels, or toast, or cereal or fruit or nothing at all are wrong for their breakfast choices.

The point I’m trying to make is really multi-fold. First, I’m not saying you shouldn’t believe in whatever you believe. I’m also not saying you shouldn’t be proud or happy of that fact. You should be proud and you should practice it because it’s YOUR belief. Secondly, your beliefs are something that should be personal. There’s no need for you to broadcast your personal feelings to the world, let alone on a daily basis. Third, you’re entitled to believe what you want, no matter how strongly that is. However, everyone around you is entitled to believe what they believe, and it isn’t up to you to tell them they’re wrong or they’re being judged for it. Fourth, don’t use your belief system as a shield against logic. Think about a topic all the way through prior to arguing against or for it with God or a book as your defense. Fifth, all religions, ALL OF THEM, boil down to the same message: be a good person because good things happen to good people. No religion on the planet strays from that core concept.

So, if you are a believer in Vishnu, Jesus, Allah, Jehovah, Buddha, Ra, Yahweh or the Fonz, remember, you’re only real charter in life is to be a good person. So, be a good person and help others that are less fortunate than you with the basic things they’ll need: food, shelter, and clothing. We can all do that without pissing each other off, can’t we?

EDIT: My (Big's) response is in the comments, if anybody cares, or even remembers who i am.

Brown ranting on Facebook…new year, new message.

2011-01-04T08:30:00.001-06:00

Really, the world summed up in one picture.

I’ve made no secrets about the fact that I’m hypocritical of my complaints and annoyance regarding Facebook and Twitter. I’ve heard every single counter argument of “if you don’t like it, don’t participate” or “if that person annoys you, defriend them”. All fair points, but let me be clear, I like Facebook and I like Twitter.

I say that completely sober and without pressure or sarcasm.

I enjoy that I can hit a button on my phone and be able to see what my friends are up to, pictures, comical thoughts/links, etc. I find that to be a nice respite from my cocoon of an office. Same with Twitter. I enjoy the fact that I can follow humorous people and media types that can pipe in headlines or comedy in a single feed.

However it isn’t the 90% of people that I’m directing my vitriol. It’s the 10% of you that just don’t fucking get it. Facebook and Twitter are social media, they aren’t spotlights for your one man show. “Please, you think you’re so funny on your twitter feed, what a fucking hypocrite”. That’s a good argument, really it is. But, this is my blog post, so fuck you.

The problem with these media is that people over-post and then get offended if you ignore/defriend them or point out that they over-post. Look, that’s great, you’re pregnant. I don’t care to know your pussy was puffy this morning and it means you’re housing a small migrant farming community in your uterus. I also don’t give a shit to know that this morning your child mispronounced a word. It isn’t funny when your kid does it, it isn’t funny when retards do it (yes it is…for the retards.)

Also, Facebook is a public forum. Do you fucking understand that? If you have a private message to send someone, use your god damned cell phone. I don’t need to see couples telling each other how much they love each other or seeing them argue in a public forum. This goes for Twitter also. You don’t need to have a conversation on Twitter, use your phone. Make the conversation entertaining if you’re putting it on the web. We can all see that you’re trying oh so desperately to hit on some girl that you barely know. Please stop. Emoticons make you weak, and fragile and geigh. Damn it, you people are basically sprinkling your pubic hair all over the social media pizza and ruining it for everyone.

Is it too much to ask that when you want to post something on the internet, make it entertaining, make it informative, make it something that people actually like, not your little group of lonely women who desperately need attention and think it’s fantastic that Oprah has her own network.

Wow. This is…this is just awesome.

2011-01-03T13:22:00.001-06:00

Snooki wrote a book. Here is an excerpt.

“Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky.”

I love America.

H/T: Warming Glow

People the world needs to quit overrating now

2011-01-03T12:23:00.001-06:00

1. Kesha

2. Nicki Minaj

3. Pat Greene

4. The Black Eyed Peas

5. Katy Perry

6. Channing Tatum

7. Taylor Swift

8. Chelsea Handler

9. Wes Welker

10. Kardahsians, all of them.

Add yours in the comments

Stay out of the gym, please. (I’m kidding, I’m glad you’re here)

2011-01-03T09:03:00.001-06:00

Greatest porn ever? Greatest porn ever.

You spent Saturday buying some new clothes and building a tracking chart in Excel. 2011 is gonna be your year to get in shape.

No it isn’t, fatty.

Let me tell you something, Augustus Klump, all you manage to do is piss off everyone else who is at the gym beyond the month of January. You come in, spend 45 minutes huffing and puffing on a treadmill then manage to get crisco sweat all over the benches and machines. That, and it’s cold outside and your rascal parked up front makes me park further away.

All I’m asking is that you follow through. If you’re going to make everyone suffer the indignity of seeing your tubby ass fly all over a treadmill, then by god, make me suffer for the long haul until it’s all gone. Don’t be the “resolutioner”. Don’t buy a P90x dvd and think you’re Brooklyn Decker after 1 week. I’ve literally seen gigantic, Wade Phillips-esque tubs of goo slowly whittle themselves down to a better shape over a year. And you know what? THAT is an inspiration for everyone. I actually let these people know that they’ve done a kick ass job and they help keep my faith in humanity alive.

By the way, here’s the ultimate secret for getting in shape: FIX YOUR FUCKING DIET. You can go to the gym every day, but if after the gym you’re eating an entire pizza and drinking a 6 pack, you’ve done nothing. Whereas if you just fixed your diet, then going to the gym would produce results. I promise you, you don’t need a DVD, you don’t need a supplement. Eat a fucking apple.

So, for the guys, there’s nothing wrong with sleeves and taking it slowly. You and I both know that you and I aren’t the Situation. I promise you, no one gives a flying shit about what you’re doing, so lift smaller amounts of weight. There’s no need to try and bench what you benched in high school when you’re pushing 35. You aren’t Brock Lesnar, so stop dressing and shadow boxing like you’re going to be on the Ultimate Fighter.

For the ladies, cover it up, and not with form fitting clothing. You have big tits because your fat, not because they’re nice. No one wants to see them or that mass of flesh you call an ass. Doing a week’s worth of Yoga, buying a Zumba DVD and going tanning doesn’t make you hot, that makes you Snookie without the hair. Earn the right to wear those clothes you think you can wear now.

If you want to get in shape, I commend and support you, I really do. I just want all of you to commit, god damn it. Become a regular at the gym instead of being that person we all know no one will see until next January. If not, then just embrace your size, buy a Vespa and let me call you gravy tits.

Is this another comeback post? Looking back and looking forward.

2010-12-30T09:54:00.001-06:00

Cool Dog says, “come on in and make yourself comfortable”

I know what you’re thinking, here’s another “we’re coming back” post from Brown about how he’s going to start posting more, and then he’s just going to go back to not posting anything and retreat to the fortress of solitude. Probably…

But, here’s what I am going to promise you. I’m gonna try to re-launch this puppy next year. Big may or may not be on board, that’s purely up to him. I’m sure that most of our readers (all 5 of them) have stopped even coming here, but maybe this will be a chance to bring them back. I dunno, we’ll see.

Looking back…

We started this blog when sports blogging was really coming into its own. Newspapers didn’t really have recognized bloggers, Deadspin was one or two years old, TBL was independent, the KSK boys just bloggers rather than authors, and Mottram was running FanHouse. We had this great idea that we would join the fray, establish ourselves and become a Dallas sports blog. That was answered with a resounding, “Meh”. We could barely get our friends to read this fucking thing, let alone strangers. Sure, we had our fair share of regulars, Gerry Dorsey, Dave from the Dream Shake, Bear, Nasty, Bizzle, Sherpa and so forth, but our biggest day was getting maybe 50 hits and being invited to blog on a SN Mavericks blog. Not exactly a hot spot on the web.

I think that’s where we petered out and died. (I keep saying “we”, but I have no idea what Big thinks of any of this.) We weren’t getting any hits, any interactions and life kind of took over. Our love of sports hasn’t gone astray. Our thoughts and opinions haven’t changed, we just haven’t written down anything. Shit, in the time this place has been dormant, I’ve changed jobs twice, gotten married, gotten a dog and beat Mother Nature to the punch by shaving my head. See? Life’s taken over.

So, now what?

This blog is coming back. At least at 50% (me). It isn’t going to be wholly sports focused, I may go weeks without a sports post. I’m going to make this blog a personal thought dump of sorts. I’m not going to share intimate, deep thoughts or any of that shit, but, as I’ve always done, I tend to observe the world around me in my own way, and if I don’t express that, then I tend to go nuts. The wife is getting tired of my random non sequiturs, so I figured this is an ideal location.

You can follow us (me) on twitter at twitter.com/bigandthebrown for updates, or just bookmark this site and keep your eyes open.

If you liked any of the stuff that you read here before, then know that it’s coming back. If you didn’t, well you probably stopped reading anyway, so you’re not reading this.

So, here’s to 2011 and the re-launch of The Big & The Brown on 1/3/2011…won’t you join us?

PS: I really can’t speak for Big, so if you were reading this blog for his entries, you should send him an email or something.

CeeLo = Music Genius

2010-08-23T15:15:00.002-05:00

NSFW due to use of the word Fuck.

You gotta be f%@#ing kidding me.

2010-06-08T15:09:00.003-05:00

Yeah, that's Ralph Macchio (AGE FUCKING 48) and ~~Lil Bow Wow~~ Jaden Smith

Source

Face of Death............

2010-06-01T16:02:00.001-05:00

Oh - Ahmy - Ahgod!

So, what's worse?

2010-05-04T08:21:00.002-05:00

The Mavericks cock teased us again. After a lights out, fan confidence boosting regular season, the Mavericks ran into the Spurs and were dumped unceremoniously on their asses. The "silver lining"? Hey, that's the 10th straight 50 win season and playoff run for the Dallas Mavericks!

But is that a good thing? I mean, what would you rather have? Consistent winning and contendership, that leads to heartbreak or championships with losing droughts in between? (I'm not counting Yankee types where payroll allows the ability to purchase rosters and always contend AND win nor am I counting perennial losers like the Rangers who can't do a god damn thing)

On one hand, you're never the laughing stock of the league, you're always "in the hunt" and in the conversation for best team in the league. You attract season ticket holders and have consistent sell outs. Free agents want to come play because they could be "that last piece".

On the other hand, you've got the rings.

On one hand, you're seen as a constant tease that inevitably leads to heartbreak. You always raise people up, only to bring them down.

On the other hand, you've got the rings.

So...who's got it better (or worse)?

Mavericks fans? Eagles fans? Dodgers fans?

or

Celtics fans? Cowboys fans? Angels fans?

Something's missing here...

2010-04-23T16:27:00.003-05:00

I saw this quote on Peter King's article...

I think Denver had a boom-or-bust night, obviously. But Josh McDaniels told me early this morning that the Tim Tebow pick came down to Tebow meeting every one of the parameters he sets out for a quarterback: competitiveness, work ethic, leadership, traits of a winner, intelligence, toughness, productivity. I see all that, but we all know the adjustment in mechanics and style of play are going to be huge factors in whether Tebow succeeds in the NFL. McDaniels has clearly cast his lot with a risky pick. But Tebow said something to me last night about McDaniels that summed the pick up perfectly: "I told [agent] Jimmy [Sexton] all along that I wanted to play for this guy. His whole attitude is he believes in himself, and he's going to do it his way.'' Tebow and McDaniels now are tied together, and their NFL futures depend on how good the other is at his job.

Um...if I'm a Denver fan, I'm pretty sure that I'm fine with those parameters for a quarterback, but I might also add one more...HAS THE ABILITY TO PLAY QUARTERBACK AT THE PROFESSIONAL LEVEL. Being a great leader ain't gonna help you throw on a 3 step drop slant look.

First Round Thoughts, now with more Big!

2010-04-23T09:40:00.002-05:00

I actually didn't think I was very geeked up about this year's draft. It took about 5 seconds of turning on the NFL Network for that to change. I was in like a kid watching his first Cinemax late night movie. Just waiting and watching for my first set o' titties.

As for the NFL Network, I thought the coverage was great. Mayock is the best there is, and even though you've got 5 guys on set, and Deion and LaCanfora reporting, it didn't seem overdone and intrusive. My only issue was Michael Irvin. Between he and the Ricky Smiley morning show, black people will never advance beyond shitty stereotypes.

Big - I'm going to piggy-back brown here, as I didn't want to do another breakdown, would have redundant.

On to the picks...

1) St. Louis - Sam Bradford, QB. Brown - I'm a Texas guy, but forget that for a second. Bradford is overrated. Period. He hasn't played in a long time with injuries to his throwing shoulder. Poke and prod all you want to, he isn't right. This reeks of Jacksonville taking Boselli and his crappy shoulders and them hoping he'd get over it. Bradford looked good against swiss cheese defenses when he played. He was destroyed by Texas and Florida. St. Louis had to make this choice though.

Big - I like this pick a little more than Brown, while I am worried about Bradford's injury's, his ability to take snaps from center, and lack of playmakers in St.Louie, I think he is the "safest" best at QB in this draft. STL needed a QB, for better or worse, Bradford is theirs for the next 4 years.

2) Detroit - Ndamukong Suh, DT. Brown - Oh, what a perfect pick for Detroit. Just fantastic for Jim Shwartz. Pairing him with Kyle Vandenbosch is going to give Detroit a pass rush they haven't seen since Jerry Ball was anchoring that line.

Big - Best player in the draft. Going to a 4-3 team, which he will be best in. If detroit can get some o-line help, and Stafford can continue to get better, they won't be picking in the top 10 much longer.

3) Tampa Bay - Gerald McCoy, DT. Brown - In my eyes, McCoy was the only Oklahoma guy worth of the praise given. Tampa wanted the Sapp 2000, and I think they got him.

Big - The top 3 picks have been almost set in stone for the last month, and for good reason, STL needed a QB, Det had to take Suh, and McCoy fits Tampa perfectly. If I were Tampa brass I would send a nice fruit basket to STL, saying thank you for picking a QB, so that one of the stud, first teir DT's would fall to them, which was their biggest need by far.

4) Washington - Trent Williams, OT. Brown - This was a stupid pick. Williams is so overrated as a tackle. See how Bradford was destroyed when he faced real defenses? Yeah, not exactly the blind side protection you're dying for. Not to mention Williams looks like a payday player, not a football player. He's a zone protection guy, so we'll see if Shanahan teaches him to cut block.

Big - Biggest bust potential of the top 10. I understand why Shanahan didn't want Okung, not his type of O-linemen, but Williams after the season was a guy who was going some where after 20, and he didn't even really have a great combine or pro day, but he still rose up boards, and now is the first OT taken. Maybe it will work, We both doubt it.

5) Kansas City - Eric Berry, S. Brown - For my money, the best player available. Ed Reed 2000. I think if KC was smart, they'd have gone with Okung, but you can't go wrong when a packaged gift shows up on your doorstep.

Big - Love the pick. Kansas City has been searching for a defensive Identity and leader since Derrick Thomas. It wasn't Derrick Johnson, it wasn't Gleen Dorsey, it might be Eric Berry. I really didn't think they would pass on Okung, but i'm not going to blame them for picking the 2nd best player in the draft.

6) Seattle - Russell Okung, OT. Brown - Okung is a beast on the line, and he's the aggressive o-lineman in the mold of Joe Thomas. Pete Carroll made a great pick here as Walter Jones is on his last breathe and he needs to re-build the offensive line to protect whoever is going to take snaps.

Big - I did about 100 mocks, every time I said when picking Seattle, "They would love it if Okung fell to them to replace Walter Jones, but I don't see how it will happen." Then the Redskins decided to go with a RT in Williams, and THEN KC went Berry, so here they are with the best OT in the draft, and they didn't have to give up anything to get it. Lucky, but sometimes its better to be lucky than good.

7) Cleveland - Joe Haden, CB. Brown - This pick basically made me say, meh. It's not the worst idea, it gives Cleveland a nice pair of corners with Wright and Haden. This team needs everything, though...I halfway expected Holmgren to stock pile.

Brown - This was the first debate that me and the draft sherpa had when we started looking at the draft, he said they would go ILB McClain, I thought Haden was the better choice. Either way they would have been well served, but looking at Holmgrens past (and dont' get it worng, he turned Green Bay AND Seattle into a continders, he will do the same with the Browns) he likes to have shut down guys, and so does Mangeeeeeeneee.

8) Oakland - Rolando McClain, ILB. Brown - Big and I had the same reaction. "Wow, Al Davis made a smart pick". McClain is a great pick to captain the defense, that is a little underrated in Oakland. We were all thinking Bruce Campbell or Bulaga or something. This was a smart pick...maybe Oakland realized they aren't good.

Big - I was totally waiting for Bruce Campbell or CJ Spiller, but like Brown said, Al Davis did what he does best, shockes us, this time by making a good pick. McClain is like Patrick Willis in San Fran, a very solid player that sometimes get overlooked because he won't get sacks or picks, but every week he will have double digit tackles and just make the denese a better unit as a whole.

9) Buffalo - C.J. Spiller, RB. Brown - In a world of platoon running back corps, I think picking a running back in the top 10 isn't really the best idea unless you have no one. If you can't open holes, and you can't throw, the defenses can stack the box and you aren't moving. That being said, an RB corp of Lynch and Spiller is a nice one-two punch of speed and power.

Big - I don't get this pick at all. They have Beast Mode (Lynch), and a guy who out preformed him last year in Freddy Jackson. Now they add C.J. to those guys. Don't get me wrong, I love Spiller and I think he is a home run hitter that can be a mold between Reggie Bush and Percy Harvin, but with a team that has SO many holes, this doesn't make you very much better. Its like making a good sandwich, you need a lot of different good parts to make a great sandwhich, you need good bread that will hold the team together (O-line, D-Line), a good meat in the middle (QB), a good type of cheese that comlements the meat (RB's, WR), good fixings like tomato, lettuce, pickles and the like (LB's, Corners), and then you can add condements to taste (KR, explosive back, Kicker). right now the Bills are feasting on baloney on white bread, with a shit tone of arby sauce.

10) Jacksonville - Tyson Alualu, DT. Brown - Stupid stupid stupid pick. Jacksonville needed to make a splash for a few reasons. A) They have nothing in the cupboard and B) They need to sell tickets. An end who, admittedly, can blow off defenders and get to the QB is nice, but Alualu isn't a game changing end. This was a wasted pick at 10. Either pick the ticket seller or trade and stockpile.

Big - As few as a 2 days ago this guy was a third round guy. Now I thought he had crazy value as a 3, and would even have crazy value as a 2, but as the number 10 pick in the draft to a team that REALLY needs to sell tickets? To sell tickets you need to do one of 2 things, either win a lot, or get players that your fans care about watching, Alualu doesn't really help you do either. Good job.

11) San Francisco - Anthony Davis, OT. Brown - This was interesting. San Francisco made the point of saying Alex Smith is their guy, and they're committed to protecting him and opening holes for Gore. Davis was the best OT in the draft outside of Okung (Williams and Bulaga are overrated, you'll see.) I really wanted Dallas to leap up to get him.

Big - The problem with Davis has never been his talent or ceiling, he has the highest ceiling of any OT not named Okung, its that he has a very poor work eithic, and desire. He needed to go to a team who has an intense as hell head coach, and Mike Singleterry is just that. This is a solid pick, not very sexy, but solid.

12) San Diego - Ryan Mathews, RB. Brown - Here's the crazy we were hoping for! San Diego trades up 16 spots to get a running back who can't catch the ball or block. He doesn't have the luxury of sitting and learning behind LDT. Bad pick. Stupid pick. Peter King likes it.

Big - REACH. Biggest surprise of the draft, San Diego who is lacking talent more than any team pciking in the 20's, gives up several picks to get a guy who's value is around 35-50. Good job Norv.

13) Philadelphia - Brandom Graham, OLB. Brown - I was shocked. When I saw the trade, I thought they were moving on Earl THomas. They opted for a run defender who's an average pass rusher. I'm not sure what Andy Reid's strategy is. Jim Johnson was great at using the tools he was given and turning them into good players. Jim Johnson is dead.

Big - Yea, don't like this one either. I thought Thomas was going here too, and with true DE's on the board still (JPP, Morgan), why would you take a guy who most say is best fit with a 34 team as a OLB, not as a DE in a 43. At least it was the eagles makeing the bad pick, good for us cowboy fans.

14) Seattle - Earl Thomas, S. Brown - Pete Carroll had a great first round. Thomas will do well in Seattle paired with Babineaux in the secondary and supporting Trufant on the weak side coverage. This is an immediate upgrade against a shitty NFC West.

Big - Seattle did what i feel most teams don't, take the best player available, with still playing respect to need. Sure, they could have made a bigger splash with Bryant, or JPP, but they looked at their team, said "Man we really need secondary help and o-line help" and they got the best OT, and 2nd best Safety/3rd best Corner in the draft. Well played.

15) New York Giants, Jason Pierre-Paul, DE. Brown - Why do I like this pick? Because Pierre-Paul is going to suck! They wanted McCLain, but Oakland stole him. I don't think NY had a good backup plan, so they went with a Kiper selection. This makes me happy because he'll be a Giant bust (pun intended).

Big - I like this pick more than Brown, but not by much. I'm glad they picked him as a cowboy fan because he has tremendous bust potential, but his physical tools are massive. He could very well be the next Osi, or the next Mamula.

16) Tennessee - Derrick Morgan, DE. Brown - Lots of defensive linemen in the top 20. Morgan is going to be a solid rock of a pass rusher for a defense that doesn't have Haynesworth, Vandenbosch or an alive Kearse. It was a rebuildin move for a porous defense.

Big - 2nd or 3rd favorite pick in the first round. Morgan is a guy who should have been taken in the top 12, as he is the best pure DE in the draft, and most ready to play right now, and he fell to 16, to a team that is in desperate need of a DE. Coach Fisher does the draft right almost always, and this should be no different.

17) San Francisco - Mike Iupati, OG. Brown - The guy I REALLY wanted Dallas to leap up to get. San Francisco is going to have a really solid line in a couple of years. Staley, Davis, Iupati. Young, solid and hungry. The 49ers made a statement that the guts of football is where they were focused. Good stuff.

Big - I bet San Fran really wanted Spiller to fall to them with their first pick, then take best available O-line guy here, when Spiller got snatched up at 9, they went with the best OT left, a smart pick, and then here at 17 to find Iupati still on the board is just to tempting to pass on. I feel they would have liked Earl Thomas here, but he was picked a few picks ago. Frank Gore should be the happiest guy in the world right now, he has one hell of an O-Line.

18) Pittsburgh - Maurkice Pouncey, C. Brown - This was an obvious pick. Pittsburgh needed OL help, specifically at Center, but Poucney can play any of the 3 spots. Better question, can he keep Little Ben away from the bitches?

Big - Pouncey is the guy I though would fall to Dallas a few weeks ago, then he started raising, fast. A center taken in the top 20 is abnormal, but this guy can really play, and Pitt needs somebody to protect their non-rapeing QB when he comes back from suspension for NOT RAPEING ANYBODY.

19) Atlanta - Sean Witherspoon, OLB. Brown - A good pick for Atlanta who needs defensive help. He'll start as a 3rd down rusher, but evolve into a three down starter. Smart and safe pick, can't go wrong with that.

Big - Atlanta needed to go BPA defense, and they did with this guy. Solid pick, smart player, like brown said, can't go wrong with that.

20) Houston - Kareem Jackson, CB. Brown - Another obvious pick to go with CB, but shocking they didn't go for Kyle Wilson. Houston lost Dunta Robinson to free agency, and in their division they have to have coverage people. Jackson is a pure cover corner, which is nice, but I think Wilson would have been better as he can be an island, whereas Jackson will need some over-the-top safety help. Jackson's a chaser corner using his speed.

Big - Right possions, wrong player. Jackson is a 2nd round guy. He is one of those guys that was underrated for so long he became overrated. A lot like a guy who Houston just got rid of, Dunta Robinson.

21) Cincinatti - Jermaine Gresham, TE. Brown - Not a run blocker. Already had ACL surgery. Had a good combine. Good pick? Not really. They'll try and use him like Antonio Gates and Vernon Davis and send him downfield to open up Palmer and the vertical passing game.

Big - I Like the pick. They needed a TE, and Gresham is the second coming of at least Kellen Winslow, but less of a blocker. Be interesting to see how this guy goes from not playing last year to starting in the NFL.

22) Denver - Demaryius Thomas, WR. Brown - I didn't like this pick for Denver. When they kept trading down, I thought it was really smart for McDaniels to use his high picks on Wilson or Kindle and begin to rebuild a shoddy defense that has to deal in the AFC. Yes, they lost Marshall via trade, but this draft is very deep in WR, and they could have used early picks on defense and late picks on stocking the offense....if only we knew what they were planning.

Big - Denver going defense would have been my guess too, with them taking a WR like Thomas in the 2nd, because as i was told by Dever fans, McDaniels' offense is best used with guy who has very little star power, (Marshall, Sheftler, Hillis were all too talented to play in his system). I don't know how it works, but i'm told it does. (it won't, they won't win 5 games next year).

23) Green Bay - Bryan Bulaga, OT. Brown - Anyone suprised by this? Bulaga at 23 is a great pick. Bulaga at 11 would've been a disaster. Aaron Rodgers is thankful for this move.

Big - Green Bay is the lucky one here. Bulaga has top 10 talent, yet 2nd round body, so 23 is perfect for him. Now he if he has to move to RT or Gaurd, its not that bad because you anrn't paying him top 10 money.

24) Dallas - Dez Bryant, WR. Brown - The more I think about it, the more that I like it. It cost them their 3rd round pick, but they did get a 4th round in return. It speaks volumes to Jerry's mea culpa on Roy Williams, and now it gives Tony Romo two aggressive, pass catching game changers in Miles and Dez (great names in a receiving tandem). Not to mention that this fills the void at punt returning. A great pick, with a low cost. Perfect.

Big - At first I was like, Meh, then like brown the more and more I though about it, the more and more I liked it. Austin, Bryant, Witten, Jones, Romo. That is the most explosive offense in the league. If we don't score 25 points a game, I'm finding Jason Garret and snookie punching him (yea we still say snookie punch).

25) Denver - Tim Tebow, ??. Brown - Yeah, find me one person who didn't say "What the fuck?" at this one. Pat Bowlen drafted Tim Tebow to preach to Brady Quinn to stop being one of the gays.

Big - Biggest reach of the first round, but you knew somebody would do it. I didn't think it would be denver, but what ever. Don't expect to see him be the everydown QB for a few years, but he will probalby play the same role he did when he was a freshmen at Florida and Chirs Leak was the everydown QB. He will get time in certain spots.

26) Arizona - Dan Williams, DT. Brown - I'm a little surprised Williams fell this far given the amount of 3-4 defenses being run. Williams is the only solid, pure nose tackle in the draft, and he's going to be an immediate starter and anchor for an Arizona team that will need to play defense given the losses of Warner and Boldin on defense.

Big - Arizona did very well here. Dan Williams was talked about going as high as 8, for the same reason he fell, he is a NT in a 34 deffense. Arizona needed that, and they got it. Good job.

27) New England - Devin McCourty, CB. Brown - I think this was a special teams move for NE. They traded down and stockpiled (surprise), and he'll most likely step in on nickel and dime situations.

Big - Perfect New England pick. They traded down, get some extra picks, take a guy who is falling a bit and has great talent for where you pick him.

28) Miami - Jared Odrick, DT. Brown - Jason Taylor's gone, and Jason Ferguson is old. Parcells knows defense, and Odrick is going to be a great 3-4 end. He can handle the double team and open the holes for the outside rusher.

Big - I bet Miami was really hopeing that Williams fell just a few more picks, because if he did, and they got the guy they would have taken at 12, all the way at 28, that would have been one of the best moves in the first round ever. It didn't happen, but they did get Odrick, a perfect 34 DE. I'm surprised they didn't go rush LB, with Kindle, Hughes, and the like on the board, I guess they are looking at Miso or Bowman in the 2nd.

29) New York Jets - Kyle Wilson, CB. Brown - I guess it plays to the "cant have too many corners" rule. Wilson was the 2nd best corner in the draft, and he'll be in a unique position to not have to contribute from day one. New York has Revis and Cromartie. Wilson has the opportunity to learn the position and speed behind these guys and play in nickel situations. That or Cromartie will switch to saftey and Revis and Wilson will patrol the sidelines.

Big - Best CB in the draft on many boards, Jets are gonna be nasty next year.

30) Detroit - Jahvid Best, RB. Brown - Fantastic pick. Detroit needs a running game, and they got an explosive and quick runner in Best. Detroit has a nice little trio of Stafford, Megatron and now Best. I'm not saying Detroit is a contender, but I don't think they're a joke anymore.

Big - It surprised me when I though about how poor the Lions drafted under Mat Millin just few years ago, and the past few drafts they have really done a good job. Staford, Best/Smith, Johnson is a great troica. Now if they can get 0-line help, they might just be good next year.

31) Indianapolis - Jerry Hughes, OLB. Brown - Again, smart and safe pick. The Colts don't have an outside pass rush, we saw that in the Super Bowl. Jerry Hughes is going to immediately contribute to the Colts defense and you'll see him blowing up Shaub, Young and Garrard all season long.

Big - I don't like Hughes as a DE which is what i think Indy has him pegged as. I was excited to see him as a rush LB in a 34, but as a DE, he is a little undersized. Now he will get a chance to learn under Freeny and Mathis, but i don't care for this pick at all.

32) New Orleans - Patrick Robinson, CB. Brown - Given the age of New Orleans and the "we're the champs, we've got a target" philosophy. This was a solid pick to shore up a defense that was literally signing corners off the street towards the end of last season.

Big - Solid pick. They needed LB's and CB's in this draft, Robinson is the BPA at corner, although he is a bit of a reach. He has great potential, just not a great head.

At look at the numbers

2010-04-20T13:13:00.005-05:00

The Pigskin Doctors have posted the top 15 sold NFL Jerseys . I always find this interesting, so lets take a look.

Yea, So he's number one, (pic has very little to do with post, thought it was funny though)

15. DeSean Jackson, Eagles
14. Larry Fitzgerald, Cardinals
13. Mark Sanchez, Jets
12. Aaron Rodgers, Packers
11. Ben Roethlisberger, Steelers
10. Reggie Bush, Saints
9. Jason Witten, Cowboys
8. Eli Manning, Giants
7. Tom Brady, Patriots
6. Tony Romo, Cowboys
5. Adrian Peterson, Vikings
4. Troy Polamalu, Steelers
3. Peyton Manning, Colts
2. Drew Brees, Saints
1. Brett Favre, Vikings

Nothing real surprising here, but lets take a look at the numbers, just for shits and giggles.

Breakdown by possessions.
QB - 9
RB - 2
WR - 2
TE - 1
S - 1

Offense - 14
Defense - 1

4 teams with multi players - Cowboys, Vikings, Saints, Steelers

AFC - 5
NFC - 10

Local in general

North - 9
South - 4
West - 1
Mid - 1

Teams from last years Final 4 - 6

Teams from last 2 years Superbowl participants - 6

Race
White - 10
Black - 4
Tongan - 1

In summary, I would like to point out that northern white guys love jerseys. So do winners and Cowboy fans.

Sometimes you just have to stand up and salute a good writer.

2010-04-14T15:40:00.003-05:00

The headline caught me...

"If you use FourSquare, you are an annoying jackass"

Be still, my beating heart.

Then the opening lede...

"The mobile phone fad Foursquare is about to hit 1 million users. But while early adopters have signed on to play their little games, it's just another narcissistic assault on decent society by urban-dwelling iPhone users."

Could it be?

"Now people have started linking Foursquare to their Twitter and Facebook accounts, so some people's Twitter feeds read like an itinerary. "Joe is at Taco Bell." "Joe is at Wal-Mart." "Joe is at Tian'an Men Massage Parlor." Shut the fuck up, Joe. We don't care where you are! And if we did, we would text or call or email and say "Where are you?" Is that so hard? Even worse is if you're with Joe on a night out, and he's too preoccupied with earning his badges and seeing where everyone else is to actually talk to you. Hey, Joe. We're right fucking here trying to have fun in real life. Stop ignoring your friends, put down your iPhone, and try to engage with the real world like an actual person instead of some virtual game like some sort of limp World of Warcraft avatar."

...From sea to shining sea....

He wasn't charged for sexual assault...

2010-04-14T10:36:00.003-05:00

...so I wonder what Large Benjamin was really thinking during his apology...

"All young white women are cock teases who want my money, I'm asking Hines for some oriental tang"

This is what the internet was made for

2010-04-13T11:49:00.002-05:00

so whom ever made this can share it with the world.

The night a non-hockey fan almost cried at a hockey game (now with video!)

2010-04-09T09:02:00.004-05:00

I'm not a big time hockey fan. I know the rules. I follow the Stars at arms length. I like to attend games and enjoy being there, but I'm not parked on my couch watching Stars hockey. That being the case, I know who Mike Modano and Jere Lehtinen are. No slight to Jere Lehtinen, who's a Dallas icon on the level of Too Tall Jones, but this is going to be focused on Mike Modano.

Modano is synonymous with Dallas hockey. You could say that he's the guy more responsible than anyone else for bringing hockey to the city and making it something that a football crazy town watched and followed. Most points by an American born player. One Stanley Cup. Willa Ford as a wife. Icon status in the city. Never seemed above anyone, damn near seemed like a guy you might just as well grab a beer with.

Modano has been with the same franchise in the NHL for 21 years. That's unheard of in today's day and age. It's a well known fact, this was Modano's last game in a Stars sweater at the AAC. I hope that Modano realized what he means to the city and even the most casual of fans. I'd like to think there was a moment where it dawned on him last night.

See, in the 3rd period, with about 5 minutes left, there was a TV timeout after a Turco stop. During the timeout, the AAC video board showed a close up on Modano. The entire arena erupted in cheers. Everyone stood up, the applause and cheer didn't stop or wane. Modano sat there, seemingly unaffected, as he was resting from a line change. As the cheers continued, Modano bent down to what appeared to simply be adjusting or re-tying his skate, and when he came up, his whole face was drenched in tears and his eyes were red. It was that point, the entire Dallas and Anaheim benches stood up and started banging their sticks on the glass. The crowd got even louder, and even the most casual of fan in the arena was screaming their head off or in tears themselves. I got choked up, I know that much. I was sitting next to a long time season ticket holder, a big, burly good ol' boy, and he was bawling like a 10 year old.

Modano went on to score the tying goal and leading the charge in the shootout for one of the most emotional games in Stars history. At the end of the game, the Stars bench left the ice, and Modano skated out to mid-ice for one last curtain call to a still full arena. He was teary eyed and simply held up his hand and mouthed "thank you" to the fans.

For a sport that's fourth place in a city that tends to turn on athletes at the drop of a hat, Mike Modano has always held a special place in Dallas's fandom. We've adopted him as our own, and he'll join the echelon of ambassadorship and iconic figure for hockey as Roger is for the Cowboys, Nolan is for the Rangers and Dirk will be for the Mavericks.

Modano took the time to acknolwedge the fans and thank them/us for our unabashed support for him. I say thank you, Mike Modano, for letting fans be fans and for reminding us that sports are an escape, a passion and sometimes a hyperbolic fairy tale that let's adults feel like kids again.

Here's some video (via Puck Daddy at Yahoo! Sports Blogs)...though it really doesn't do the justice of what it really felt like

Why I hate social networking...

2010-04-07T16:56:00.002-05:00

I've mentioned several times that I think sites like Twitter, Facebook, MySpace, Foursquare, etc. are the collective bane of my existence. For the record, I do own a Facebook account and co-manage our Twitter account, but I'm also keenly aware of the simple fact that my hypocrisy knows no bounds (in fact, wait till I call other people out on it!) Thing is, people ask my why my eyeballs tend to view my brain everytime I hear the words "Tweet" or "Check In" or "Sunday Funday". Given that, I'm going to try and break it down into 5 quick points.

1) "I'm eating a sandwich!! ZOMG!! It's totally yummy! LOL!" #funny4u #kthxbye

Read that sentence. Just read that fucking sentence one more time. Are you kidding me? "ZOMG", "LOL"? Who the fuck doesn't have a keyboard anymore on any god damn device the use? Type the god damned thing out. That's not even mentioning the "look at me" types who feel the need to let me know they're eating an, apparently, yummy sandwich. And what the fuck do you want me to do with the number sign and a few letters? Are you typing out your password? I don't understand, let alone give a shit about your hashtag. No one gives a damn about your life but you and your mother. And she'll be dead soon. You sad, lonely fuck.

2) Hypocrisy and Perceived Piety...seriously.

You're aware that you've got pictures of yourself doing a gravity bong and lining up whiskey shots to do off of your fat friend's back, right? You're aware that you've had a stripper grind her nethers into your nose so far that you were able to smell her womb, right? Let's tap the break on posting how much you love God and everything do you is for the capitalized "Him". I'm also pretty sure you don't say your prayers every night, and screaming "Oh God!1!!" as you cum on your kleenex covered plam doesn't quite count. You've been too hungover to go to church since you were 10. I'm not saying don't be religious. I'm not saying you can't enjoy yourself and believe in a higher power. I am saying that I know you, you know you, and we know you. Let your social network abide by the separation of church and state. That's Tim from accounting running www.twitter.com/TheRealGod. It's the internet, stop taking it so seriously.

3) Your friends, family, and colleagues

Damn near everyone's got a Facebook account. That includes your family, younger and older, and the people you work with. They're friends with you and so are your friends. If, when nearing the age of 30, you're still living in fear of a picture of your dumb ass running naked through a party from last weekend while wearing an empty Miller Lite case on your head as a helmet, I've got 2 suggestions. A) Don't get drunk and run naked through a party where everyone has cameras (though the case helmet is good improvisational protection). and B) Carry 2 pages, one for friends and one for family and colleagues. It's that simple. Don't send a massive text on Sunday morning begging people not to tag you in pictures, and don't get mad if your friend posts a fucked up joke on your wall because that's how you two communicate. I don't say that from a higher moral ground, I say it because everyone I know that can see my account is well aware that I'm a complete and total idiot.

4) "But, I'm friends with everyone I meet!"

No, you aren't. You don't have 600 friends. You may have casually run into that ayn people, but you need to face the truth. Just because someone is a friend of your friend, that doesn't make them your god damn friend. Your friends don't even like you that much, you think someone who barely knows you does? Just because you meet someone at a bar or hear their name come up in a conversation doesn't mean you have to get on your phone and find them on a social networking site and be their friend. Do you have any idea how fucking creepy that is? What the hell is the point of becoming friends immediately? It isn't like you're sharing witicisms regularly. You aren't planning events. Just slow your roll, if you're relevant, you'll remember them and they'll remember you.

5) Join my group! Be my fan! Join the cause!

I don't want to fucking join your group, be your fan or join a cause. If I gave half a shit about saving the dolphins in some remote village in Japan, than I might become a fan of joining the group that support the cause. I didn't on purpose. So don't fucking suggest to me that I should. I promise you, you totally joining the group to make sure that "Texas has more fans than any other state" is neither fun, appealing, interesting or important. To anyone. Including you. Stop it.

The ultimate counter-argument: "If you don't like it, don't use it"

I honestly can't argue with this point. It's like saying you're going to rehab. Ultimate force field. I could liken it to cell phones and say that in today's day and age it is damn near impossible to function without some kind of social networking, but you wouldn't believe me. I could say that it is, in some cases, the only way to directly communicate with long distance friends and family, but you'd argue that e-mail could accomplish that. I could say that these sites appear to be the only way to know what events are happening when, but, again, you could counter with e-mail accomplishing the same task. My argument is simple. I use these sites to easily share pictures, my own random thoughts, and to get information from others on upcoming events. Coloring outside of those lines is white noise to me, and that has drawn to a fever pitch of static and death metal kick drums.

Big and Sherpa Drafting all up in yo Face!

2010-04-07T13:33:00.003-05:00

I can't think of a better way to ease back into this whole blogging thing than asking a friend of ours, and guest columnist, The Sherpa of Camping, to help me out with one of my favorite things to do this time of year: Mock Draft!

Over the past week or so, me and sherp have been Emailing back and forth, taking turns drafting for the NFL teams we love to watch. He got the Odd numbers, I got the Even, and we both took a stab at the cowboys. Enjoy one of the more sports intensive things we do.

1. St. Louis Rams - QB Sam Bradford, OU. (Sherp)

Going against my earlier prediction Bradford has risen above fellow QB Clausen all though by a slim margin. Bradford's workout answered any questions teams had about his shoulder health thus springboarding him atop the list.

As a prospect he's been compared to Peyton Manning in accuracy and field IQ by some scouts; if that's close to true he becomes the next great Pro Bowl QB for whom ever drafts him. His arm is decent and better than average but far from elite so he isn't for everyone. The fact that he played in a spread shotgun formation in college also concerns some teams in that he's never even taken a snap from center not to mention make pro style reads.
What's very interesting to read about now are all the trade rumors regarding Bradford and the Rams, (I predicted they'd trade down but not like this). One interesting scenerio is involving the Redskins. They are very interested in Bradford which is humorous considering his Cherokee Indian ancestry. The Rams could draft Bradford and then depending on who's available when Washington is on the clock could pull a San Diego with Eli trade. I'd think that the Rams would take Campbell plus a Ditka/Saints draft for Ricky type thing for Bradford... esp with Clausen available at 4.

Big - I like the pick of Bradford for the Rams. The way they have acted in the off season almost guarantees that they take a QB early in this draft. If not here, then pick one of the second round. As for the trade talks, if anybody is really into Bradford, i think the rams need to listen. They have a lot of holes, and if somebody really wants to jump up to get Bradford, or even Suh (i'm looking at you Tampa Bay), then in my opinion, they should take it. Now on to the lowly lions.

2. Detroit Lions - DT Ndamukong Suh Neb (Big)

Suh is the best player in the draft. He showed it on the field last year, he didn't disappoint in pro days, this kid is good. As most teams at the top of the draft the Lions have lots and lots of holes, and one big one is at left tackle, so it wouldn't surprise me to see Okung here, but you can't pass on a player like Suh. He is too good. This guy could be A Bruce Smith or Reggie White type of D linemen, and those don't come along every year. The Lions need playmakers, and Suh is one hell of playmaker. They will also be able to move he along slowly, because they gave up a 5th round pick to Cleveland for Corey William.

(sherp) I agree with Big on this... Suh to Det is a steal! He is the #1 player in this draft and would be in the top 5 in any draft the last 5 years I feel. He is a monster on the field and not only displays the size, strength, and athleticism to be great; but he also shows great technique and hand placement to succeed on the next level. I've seen where many people are enamored with fellow DT McCoy but he's more of a penetrating 3 tech that uses quickness to slip gaps. In Det's scheme Suh fits better with his ability to engage OL protecting LB's, and then separate to make plays. Last parting shot for all the OT people asking for Okung; with the OL depth this year why would you pass on Reggie White for Flozell Adams?

#3 Tampa Bay (Sherp)- DT Gerald McCoy

With several holes to fill with the exception of possibly OL the Buccaneers get to select the 2nd best DL and top 5 overall player. TB was pathetic on the DL last season and McCoy could cure much of that for them. At OU he displayed freakish athletic ability and was a big time playmaker. He is a bit one dimensional and undersized so he isn't for everyone; fortunately TB incorporates a one gap philosophy on D so he's a no brainer here for them. With the new Sapp on board their defensive retooling is ahead of schedule and New Orleans should take notice that a new Saint killer is lacing up.

(Big)Tamp would love nothing more than to have either Suh or McCoy fall to them. Their defense that was so strong just a few years ago is in need of a retooling of sorts, and this pick is a fantastic add for them. The old adage of you build a team from the trenches is in play at this pick, and they could even go Okung if they don’t have faith in Donald Penn.

#4 Washington Redskins (Big)- Russell Okung, T, Oklahoma St. (McNabb trade when down after we picked this pick, but before we finished the mock)

Here is where things can really get interesting. For the longest time I have debated on whether or not the Skins take a QB here. They got a new coach, Mike Shannahan, who is an offensive guy who likes his QB’s, but I really think that he will give Jason Campbell one more shot to prove himself(edit: or trade a 2nd for an aging QB). Campbell was sacked 81 times over the past 2 years, yet he as steadily improved in the stat column, including completion percentage. The idea here is if you have a franchise LT, your QB will have more time to make good throws. Okung is my pick, with Campbell as the starter, and if he sucks again this year, Jake Locker will be their QB in 2011(Edit: or McNabb).

Sherp - The Washington pick makes sense but I still don't like it. LT vs QB is a chicken vs egg argument. Personally I feel that you ALWAYS grab a franchise QB when he's available since you never know when you'll get a shot at one again. I bet St Louis wishes they had Ryan, Flacco or Sanchez; or Cleveland would like a re-do on Sanchez. In this case I feel that Clausen is a franchise QB and I feel is in the same class as Sanchez and Ryan. He has a strong arm, good accuracy and poise, showed he was a gamer and playmaker for an undermanned Notre Dame team, and he's been trained in a pro offense by a former NFL offensive co-ordinator. That said, if the Redskins think the egg comes first then Okung is a great pick.

#5 Kansas City (Sherp)- Trade Down. or if not then S Eric Berry

What a crappy position the Chiefs are in. They need to revamp a shotty D as well as a pathetic OL and while they can do so here the value of the players doesn't exactly equal the money paid at #5. They would waste all of 2 seconds handing in the card for Okung but the Redskins screwed them outta that honor. The next best OL each have warts of consideration for a #5 pick; Baluga has 33 inch arms and for a LT that's like playing in the NBA under 6'0, Williams isn't much better at 6'4 with 34" arms and a poor attitude and work ethic. So turning their attention to Defense they decide to overpay a top notch player at a fringe position. Berry is a phenomenal athlete and playmaker who should start from day one. He's a next coming of Ed Reed and a few big picks later will quiet the rumblings from the detractors saying #5 is too high for a Safety.

(Big). Berry to KC is the best they can do there, unless they really like a player such Bulagra, JPP, Davis, or even Dez Bryant. The only real problem people seem to have with berry is that teams don't normally draft a Safety this high. I say if the kid can play, and Eric Berry most def can, than you take him. He could be Ed freakin' Reed part 2. And now we go on to the Seahawks, who have 2 picks early in this draft.

#6 Seatle Seahawks. Bryan Bulaga OT Iowa (big)

The Seahawks have picks 6 and 14 in the first round, a new coach, and lots of holes to fill if they want to be contenders in the near future. Walter Jones, the outstanding left tackle over the past decade is gone via retirement, so they take the big guy from Iowa. They already have their QB of the future (or so they hope) in Charlie Whitehurst, so Clausen is out, and there is no guarantee that another of the big OT will be available when they pick again. Bulaga is my pick for them.

Sherp - poor whitehurst, he better not be brittle since it looks like Hasselhoff (norm impersonation there) will be K.I.A soon. Don’t get me wrong, I like Bulaga... he's a good quality player with good size and athleticism, good playing temperament, nice technique. He just has one glaring flaw; his arm length is only 33 inches which at LT is a huge disadvantage. I know it sounds nit-picky but it's true. I feel that Bulaga would make a good RT, a pro bowl caliber LG, but an average to decent LT that teams will always be looking to upgrade. Overall he compares to Lions LT Jeff Backus whom also suffers from a short reach. At some point 2 or 3 years from now Sea will be looking for a LT again all the while paying a gaurd or RT #6 money. If Berry were still here he'd be a lock, but as is, I see Sea shoring up very poor DE play by grabbing Derrick Morgan. They could always grab WR Bryant here but he should still be available later.

#7 Cleveland (Sherp) - QB Jimmy Clausen Notre Dame

frost the mugs, grab the pretzels, and get ready to start sipping the hater-ade... folks do not like this guy. Once the Todd McDouche's get on the air with this pick Cle may move to Baltimore once again just to escape the Dawg Pound. All that said, I'll go out on a limb and say that QB is still a need even with Delhome. Clausen is a blue chip athlete with great accuracy and a good arm. He's proven to be a gamer who yearns to win and enjoys the game; he's also proven to be durable behind a poor OL and searing media spotlight. He's also very pro ready after being groomed by Weis at ND, good to know given that the over under on Delhome getting yanked is week 5. One parting thought here... the knock on Jimmy is that he's cocky, a punk some say; well whether it's the Phillip Rivers, Tony Romo, Brett Favre good kind of rock star, or the Rex Grossman, Jeff George, Ryan Leaf bad kind... the Hall of Fame is in Cleveland.

Big - I love the pick of Clausen to the Browns. Doucher or no, the kid can play, and the idea that he may not be a leader seems farfetched to me. Last year when playing for a porous ND, he played his best ball in the fourth quarter, which is when the winners play. I'm not saying he is the next coming of Joe Montana, but as a whole, I like him more than Bradford, and to get him at 7, is a steal.

8. Oakland Raiders - Bruce Campbell OT Maryland

Oakland needs a LT, Al Davis loves combine guys, Bruce Campbell preformed extremely well at the combine, This pick makes too much since. The thing about the Raiders is you never really know with them, and with the Corpse that still walks in Al Davis. Campbell should be taken about 10-20 picks latter, but he fits just about everything we THINK we know about the Raiders, who always seems to shock. IF they really want to shock, they should take McClain or perhaps even Davis from Rutgers, a "safer" tackle pick.

Sherp - this pick makes too much sense... I forsee Davis drafting the best Long Snapper to help his multi zillion dollar investment in his kicker and his punter. Campbell is by far the combine gold medalist, and while his film doesn't have him this high, his measurable even intrigue me compared to the rest of his peers after Okung. If he can be coached up 3 years from now he'll be the next Walter Jones; if not he'll be next in a long line of "retired on an island bought with Al Davis's wasted bonus money.

#9 Buffalo T Trent Williams

Fearful that Davis would grab the safer pick with upside? Not the Bills, they knew he'd get all starry eyed with combine results. Luckily for them they get "arguably" the 2nd best LT prospect to shore up their pop warner-esq OL. Williams was a dominant RT 2 years ago and an adequate LT this past fall, but he has the talent and potential to develop and become good there with Buffalo. Worse case scenario if he doesn't pan out he could always move to G or C after having some experience there. With multiple needs on the Bills OL they can take a chance on an upside prospect that has a contingency plan built in.

Big - Trent Williams is one of the guys that I have seen going everywhere from top 10 to second round. Buffalo is good to pick a guy like him with as many problems as they have. Half of me however expects that Chan Gailey will try and get a defensive player in this draft, and the best thing a 3-4 defense can have in a stud OLB/DE. I really like the freak JPP here, but you can never really go wrong with a guy like Williams.

10. Jacksonville Jaguars - Dez Bryant WR Oklahoma State

Jacksonville has many holes, but none bigger than fan apathy. Whats the best way to put people in the seats? Draft a skill player real high. Yes, they could use a DE, and yes they could draft Tebow, but he can be had later (i think). SO if you can somehow get Tebow by trading up, what a better way to sell tickets to your fans than saying "we got Tim Tebow, we got the best WR Dez Bryant, come buy a ticket!"

Sherp - I hate to admit it but I have to agree with Bigs logic a lot. I had Bryant and possibly JPP (whom I'm not a fan of) as the sexy pick for JV while shoring up a weak secondary was their biggest and most pressing need, (they do have to play Indy and Hou twice a year).

11 Den - LB Rolando McClain

with several holes for this team to fill, basically the top rated guy at this point would help. I'm very tempted to add CB Haden here, but there are several 2nd and 3rd round players vs maybe 1 or 2 ILB avail for 3-4 teams. McClain is a bon-a-fide stud at the position and is the most pro ready player at his position to come along since Willis for SF. McClain would bring a presence and identity to the Broncos D. Sure fire winner.

Big – McDaniel’s is a defensive guy, and he has already shored up the D-Line, their biggest need coming into this year, so a guy like McClain, is perfect for them, even more so since Bryant is off the board.

12. Miami Dolphins - Jason Pierre-Paul DE South Florida

Joey Porter is gone, Jason Taylor is old, and the 3-4 which Miami runs is in need of someone who can really put some pressure on the QB. JPP is a 6-6 260lbs freak that can they could mold into the pass rusher they really need. This was the hardest pick for me thus far, the dolphins don't really have need for the talent that is available here, thus a trade down and picking up somebody like Kindle and then another WR might be the way they go if the draft works out this way. They could also go corner here since Joe Haden is still on the board.

Sherp - I knew big would go there and while he's got some merit behind it... I'd personally opt for NT Dan Williams. 3-4 NT are harder to find than a sober sorority girl on spring break, while DE/OLB are all over the 2nd and 3rd round, many even later.

All that said I personally am not sold on JPP in that he's only had one year College exp (juco first 2) and it was at a mid major at that... plus he had little production for someone so talented. If one's looking past that and envisioning what is "possible" with his entire phenomenal God given athletic ability, then this pick is a steal. He has the tools to be the next D Ware... or V Gholston.

SF - CB Joe Haden

on tape he grades out as a top 10 talent but a poor combine (later corrected in pro day) dropped him. Instead of going to the athletes combine processing factories that so many others do, Haden opted to work out with his dad costing him millions in the process. His loss is SF's gain in that he's the top CB available and it is a top need for them.

Big - Joe Haden, probably the best CB in the draft, fell all the way to 13? Not bad at all. While Corner may not be their biggest need, the best part of having 2 first round picks is that you can take somebody who is falling and still have a pick that you can use to fill a need later.

14 Seattle Seahawks. Derrick Morgan DE Georgia Tech

Much like San Fran, they hawks have a 2 picks, and have already addressed a need at OT with Bulaga, they can take the BPA type here, as well as fill another hole on their d line with the end from Georgia Tech. Morgan is probably the best 4-3 defensive end in the draft, and will help out with Pete Carols move to Seattle, let us not forget, Carol is a defensive guy, always has been.

Sherp - love the Morgan pick as I had him in the top 8, esp since I felt Sea would grab him at 6. Even the ever tempting FS Thomas (Sea has 1 or 2 safeties on the roster) would be an option, but there are a lot more S in 2nd and 3rd then there are stud DE's

#15 NY-Giants DT Dan Williams

Damn the luck, Morgan goes one spot in front of them. Honestly I could see them moving up in front of Sea to either Mia or SF spots to go get him. But as is they take another sliding player in Williams whom I had going to Mia. (So a trade down here would net them a player they covet and another pick... hmm). Williams is a solid big bodied DT that would shore up a need spot for the g men. Next up, a MLB.

Big - There is no doubt that what made the gmen so great just a few short years ago was having the best d-line in all of football. Trying to get back to that makes perfect since for them.

16 Tennessee Titans - Kyle Wilson, CB, Boise St.

Here is another team that saw Morgan slipping and should really think about jumping up and giving up a pick or two to get him. They are in desperate need of help on the Defensive line, but with what’s here right now, and the fact that they need a corner to start from jump street, the high rising Kyle Wilson from Boise is my pick for them. It seems every day the stock of Wilson rises up, and what was thought of as a 2nd rounder just a few short weeks ago, is now a legit middle first guy. Some even have Wilson rated over Harden. The Titans still need some DE to rush the passer, but they may not need a number one corner for awhile after this pick.

Sherp - like this pick. Ten needs a DE, a CB, and did I mention a DE? Unfortunately for them at this pick it's either Griffen from USC who is an underachiever but is super talented, or the super talented but way super underachieving Dunlop from Florida. If they select either they are likely to be drafting a DE again this time next year so CB would be best and either Wilson or McCourty (who’s twin Jason was drafted by Ten last year) are the next best. An intriguing selection for them may be LB Kindle who played DE and LB. He'd stay at LB in the Ten 4-3 but as a SLB who can blitz or cover TE's on 1st and 2nd down, and then line up at DE on 3rd down situations.

#17 SF - T Anthony Davis

With a big need at RT the 49ers hit gold and get the last of the surefire 1st round LT prospects. He has great size and tremendous ability which have several teams feeling he can play LT. His down side is that he doesn't play to his potential and has some immaturity and accountability issues. All said, to get a top 15 talent who can become a top LT someday while being a very good RT in the mean time, is a steal for SF.

Big - so the 49ers get the best corner in the draft (Haden), and one of the first round grade LT's? That’s not a bad draft at all. I'm sure some Niner fans will be disappointed that the pick wasn't the flashy running back CJ Spiller to be the lightning to Frank Gore's Thunder, but with as deep as this draft is at RB, a burner can probably be had later in the draft. Davis isn't my favorite tackle, but he does have potential to be a nice LT in this league.

18 Pittsburgh Steelers - Mike Iupati, OG, Idaho

I toyed with Earl Thomas the FS from Texas here, but if there is anything that I remember from last year, it’s that the Steelers did two things different last year than their championship past, 1 they passed a lot, whether due to lack of a running game, or emergence of a passing threat, and that when they passed a lot, Rothlisberger got hit. A Lot. So as much as I would love for this guy to slip, Iupati is the best O-Linemen on the draft board, and if you play him at guard, he can be the malling, nasty runblocker that this team needs.

Sherp - love this pick... Steelers have been playing with an adequate at best OL for a couple of years now and it has affected their running game and big Bens backside. Even with holes in their secondary Pit goes the smart route knowing the quality of DB's later is better than the depth at OL. It's pretty much either Iutupi who is the best G by far and even can play T, or Pouncy who is the best C in some time and can play G also. In the end Iutupi is rated higher and has more promise.

19 Atlanta - RB CJ Spiller

A flashy sexy pick that I feel makes the most sense for them. I know their defense is full of holes but I highly doubt who ever they pick at 19 will single handedly beat NO for them. On the other hand though... Spiller can be the game breaker they lack on offense and would be the dynamic player to put them over the top in their division on a good day. Spiller will never be a bell cow type, but Atlanta has that already. What Spiller will be is a change of pace home run threat who can also kill people in the passing and return game. I see the falcons using him in a Reggie Bush, Felix Jones, Percy Harvin kinda way. Finaly, for those screaming for D; would Atl fans rather lose to NO 33-31, or win 41-37?

Big - For me, the Spiller to ATL pick is something that makes since, but with no second round pick, and like you said, plenty of defensive holes, as strong as you offense would be with spiller, your defense would be just slightly upgraded with a 3rd and 4th rounder and Dunta Robinson. They need help getting to the passer, and with guys like DE Everson Griffen, DE Carlos Dunlap, and what would be my pick, Sergio Kindle, a guy who can play both OLB on 1st and 2nd and DE on third down, rushing the passer and helping from multi possessions.

20 Houston Texans - Earl Thomas FS Texas

the Texans need help in their secondary, as well as a guy to help spell Steve Slaton, who had one hell of sophomore slump, but RB's can be had later, and corner depth is good, but not worth the pick yet, unless they really like the Kid from Rutgers, so they take the best FS in the draft not named Berry, and a guy who at pick 20 is a very nice value. Thomas is a ball hawk, and can even play corner some if need be for the Texans, who lost underachieving, yet very talented CB Dunta Robinson.

Sherp - This pick makes a ton of sense; the Texans have been looking for a playmaking safety since they came into existence. And like big said, he rates higher than any of the CB options out there.

21 WKRP (another Norm moment) – LB Sergio Kindel.

The Bengals are in a pickle here with this pick, I've struggled with it for some time now. I've seen where most people have S Mayes going here to replace R. Williams, but that would be trading one hard hitting over sized S that can't cover for another hard hitting oversized S that can't cover. I've also seen where the OU TE is popular here, but he's more of a luxury pick I feel since he offers nothing in the blocking department. I know with late season injuries to DE Odom and DT Peko that DL has to be on the Bengals radar. The only problem is that you're looking at underachieving DE Griffen and Dunlop, or the DT Price who scouts have anywhere from 16 to 50. As much as Cincinnati loves the problem underachiever (Dunlop anyone?) I feel that they build off of last years success and go with...

LB Sergio Kindel. he will play SLB on 1st n 2nd and then kick down on 3rd.

Big - I agree the Bengals are in a tough spot here, but it would be a shame if Sergio Kindle, who has to be the best pure 3-4 olb speed rusher doesn’t go to a 3-4 team. Me personally, i go Dunlap.

22 New England Pats - Brandon Graham, OLB, Michigan

Graham was another guy who at the senior bowl and combine, he really helped himself. He played DE at Mich, and was just sick with rushing the passer. His 6-2 260 frame with a 4.6 40 means he will play OLB in a 34 type defense. New England really needs a rush type player to help them get after the QB, as they only had 31 sacks all of last year.

Sherp - if he's 6'2 he grew an inch. At the combine he measured in 6'1 and 3/8. That said, he should convert to a 3-4 OLB deluxe. I have Pitt, NE, and Arz all interested in his talent and playmaking ability. In fact I almost had him going to Cin as a DE. I agree with Big in that Kindle will be a pro-bowl 3-4 OLB but it's not the Bengals fault that he's the only DE/LB who can actually play a more traditional SLB role, can't fault them for taking the highest rated player who slid to them. As far as NE goes they need both LB and DE so in a close race between Graham and Odrick either could go there. Odrick is a beast at the 5 tech but Graham would make a bigger impact so he gets the nod. Besides, with like 10 of the 32 2nds NE can find their DE.

23 Green Bay - T Charles Brown

In a controversial pick, the Packers elect to protect their franchise. Last year Rodgers got destroyed behind the GB line. Brown is a converted TE for USC who played dominant in college and answered questions about his size at the combine coming in over 300lbs. He is an ultra athletic player who fits the Packers zone scheme. If GB goes another direction with this pick it could be for FSU CB Robinson who has the athletic ability and size to fare well in the Packers man coverage scheme. I just feel that there are far more CB's available later than LT with talent.

Big - Not a bad pick, and most def an understandable one when you think about how bad the packers were at protecting Rodgers last year. With the top tackles gone, Brown is one of the guys who sits atop of the 2nd tier of tackles that should go late first early second. I could also see them going after a corner like McCourty to eventually take the place of Charles Woodson, or Taylor Mays, to play Safety for them.

24 - Philadelphia Eagles - Devin McCourty, CB, Rutgers

So the "trade" has happened, which is a good thing for both team in my honest opinion (although as a cowboy fan, I hope it hurts both teams massively), now the Eagles have to start improving their team with youth, and they start by drafting the corner McCourty to play on the other side of Asante Samules. They need secondary help, and Taylor Mays might be a more "value" pick here, but I’m not sold on the guy as most people are. They could also use a LB like Jerry Hughes or Sean Weatherspoon, but if Andy Reid has proved anything over his 11 year run of this team is he likes corners, and he always drafts them high.

Sherp - hard to argue with the pick... Philly usually either drafts the O and D line or CB in the 1st. And even though they need a DE pretty bad, they also need a CB after trading away one. McCourty fits the Philly style of D, he is in the mold of the 5'11 195 CB's that can run and change direction quickly that the Eagles seem to love. One great thing about him is that his game films match up with his good combine; he has good route recognition and breaks on the ball well. He also was a big time special teamer for Rutgers playing the "gunner" on kickoffs and punts, returning kickoffs and punts, and has blocked 7 kicks in his career. Hard to do worse.

25 - Baltimore - CB Patrick Robinson

the FSU player is in the mold of Deion, Rolle, and Cromartie whom were all great athletes to suite up and play CB for the Seminoles. He has the ability to be mentioned with them, but not yet the feathers in his bonnet. Bal needs CB's badly and DL almost as much. Even though Odrick is tempting at this point as is Dunlop (bet Ray Lewis could get him going); but at the end of the day the Ravens NEED help in the secondary. Robinson is a very smooth athlete born to play man coverage on an island which the Ravens like to incorporate. His biggest knock is maturity and accountability issues as well as a lack of production for someone so talented. This late in the 1st though if he plays even close to his potential Baltimore gets a steal

Big - Patrick Robinson can play, but to me he's a second round guy. With the run on Corners that we have had, though, it’s no real surprise that he sneaks into the first round to Baltimore. It wouldn't surprise me if they go DT/DE in Odrick, like you said, and it also wouldn't surprise me if they go TE with Gresham from Oklahoma here as well. Todd Head hasn't lived up to his draft slot, and with the addition of Anquan Boldin, Joe Flaco could use all the weapons he can get.

26. Arizona Cardinals - Jerry Hughes, DE, TCU

Yes I know the birds signed Jerry Porter, but how much does he really have left? Jerry Hughes, who played DE in college, but will play outside linebacker in the pros is the type of guy that might need a little time to learn his new position, but when he does, he has all the tools to be a force in the this league for a long time. He was a 2 time Nauguski finalist, and performed very well at the combine, proving he is worth a late 1.

Sherp - great pick! Arizona lacked a pass rush from their hybrid version of the 3-4 and all of their top 3 OLB are in their mid 30's or older. Even though they need a new inside guy to replace Fox... I feel that Hughes would make a far larger impact and thus deserves the nod. Arizona also needs a new LT (or RT with Leinert being a southpaw), but the talent here is basically Guards with talent enough to consider at Tackle thus bumping them up half a round.

27 - Dallas - trade down.

BOOOOO! heard round the world. Every year Jerry gets all cute and fucks around and screws us out of a draft. (Instead of trading down for spares that wont make the roster last year, I screamed that we should have traded out ala Patriots. Now they have tons of 2nd round picks in a deep draft while we wound up with tons of 5th round picks in a crappy draft.) Anyways, this year I feel we should trade down. I think that the draft falls off to a lesser tier around pick 27 (unfortunate for us), and with the Boys needs not matching the talent at this spot it makes sense if we can harvest 2 talented prospects vs reaching for 1 right now. I feel that our biggest needs are at S, OL, and DL. It's been needs for some time as well, but now we finally do something about it. That said it's hard to pull the trigger here on one of them. I'll describe a few on my radar below...

FS- Nate Allen - a ball hawking centerfielder with great range on the back half. His knock is that he's the opposite of physical, almost Deion-esq. Also, it's predicted that he won't get much bigger or faster so his upside is lower than most prospects. That said he can play at a decent level and would most likely start, in nickel if nothing else. Sorta a 35 to 40 range guy that I like and would at least consider reaching for.

G/T- Vladimir Duccassee - a raw player with great size and athleticism from a small college. By seasons end he was read about in the "sleeper" articles as a poor mans Larry Allen in that he was a tremendously talented G who played T from a small obscure college. Not so much anymore after having a good senior bowl and great combine. Still 27 is steep for a guy who couldn't even start at G for a year or two and is at least 3 years away from manning the LT spot. That said though, he's a diamond in the rough and if coached up properly, could be good 3 years from now. If Flozell were still around I'd probably reach for him here, maybe even still.

C/G Maurice Pouncy - a huge physical C who can play G in a pinch as well. He is listed as the best C to come out in some time and I've seen him go as high as Pit in some mocks. While C isn't our strongest need, it's good to know there's a back up to Gurode who can line up next to him at G in the mean time.

NT's Terrence Cody, Linvell Johnson, and Cam Thomas - still too early, but doubt they'll be around later with all the new 3-4 teams taking root.

DE Jerrod Odrick and Carlos Dunlop - 1st round prospects that could bump out underachieving Spears.

..... (drum roll)... and the player is.... Quincy Carter, err I mean Maurice Pouncy. He should be a pro bowl caliber C and could either play G or bump Gurode to G. Solid player at a not so much need.

Big - Ahh, the vaunted trade down. The only way that works is if we can get 2 2nd round picks in this years draft, for our number one, or a 2nd this year and a first next. Anything other than that wouldn't be worth it. The teams with 2 2nd round picks are: Cheifs 36, 50, Bucks 35,42, Pats 44,47,53, and the eagles 37,55. To have a trade partner they have to have something that is available to you right then, that probably wont be when they pick again. The obvious player here is someone who is looking to get Tim Tebow. None of the team above would be interested. Maybe Indy gives you their first round and their late 2nd, but I am willing to bet that Tebow is still there at 31. Honestly, if they stayed here, I would have no problem with any of these guys, and my preference would be in this order.

Maurice Pouncy C/OG Florida
FS- Nate Allen USF
DE Jerrod Odrick
WR Golden Tate ND. Tate is the only one that Sherp didn't talk about. I know Miles did a great job last year, and i hope he can do it again, but there is a reason that Jerry hasn't made him a multiyear deal yet, he wants him to prove he was legit, not just a flash in the pan. This is a pick that will hedge that bet too. Tate is the clear number 2 WR in this draft, and if nothing else, he eases the pain of Roy Williams a bit.

Sherp - I just figured that if we're targeting Allen we may as well move down into top of 2nd and pluck him as well as getting another pick. Say a 3rd that we could then package with our 2nd to move up into the middle of the 2nd and grab a solid NT, DE, or Ducasse if he's still there. To trade it takes 2 to tango so it would pretty much be a team looking to grab a top talent (with Pouncy being the only one of note, possibly a team in love with RB Mathews or DE Griffen or Dunlop too I guess).

I also like the Golden Tate pick, he's a solid #2 who would at worse case scenerio push what's his name out of his slot receiver job.

Big - 28 San Diego Chargers - Ryan Mathews, RB, Fresno St.

this seems to be one of the locks of the first round. The Chargers really need a RB, and they really like Mathews. He has decent speed (4.5), and can catch the ball out of the backfield, which is something backs in San Diego have to be able to do. They may have problems passing on Dunlap or maybe even Odrick as they are in need of D-Line help as well.

Sherp - I'm starting to come around to liking this pick. At first I felt that RB to SD was as cliché as OLB to NO used to be. But now after the combine performance by Mathews he all but guaranteed that he'd go in the 1st. His talent level suggests he'd be a successful back in a poormans version of the young LT. And unlike fellow combine heros Hardesty and Tate, Mathews has proven that he can carry 20+ times a game for several games in a row. Still, if the Chargers opt for DL or CB(though the run limits that), it wouldn't suprise me.

29 NY-Jets - DE Jared Odrick

Not a bad slide for the lucky Jets whom by having the Colts roll over wound up playing their way out of a upper teen/lower twenties pick. I could see Odrick going as high as NE, so for NY to upgrade their DL with the high motor playmaker that coach Ryan should love more than pork rinds and beer is a shrewd move. I could see them going with OL Ducasse as well since they have a couple of guys far past the good side of 30. A couple of years learning from the aging veterans would season him to step in down the road.

Big - Without a doubt this is a steal this late. With so many team switching to the 34, a guy who could play DE in a 34 or DT in a 43 with as high a motor as Odrick should have gone much higher, but alas, the Jets lucked out on this one.

30 Minnesota Vikings - Tim Tebow QB Florida

Look, somebody will reach for this guy. It would make since for a team like the Vikings, who will probably have Bret Favre back for one more year, and they can try and teach the young QB how to be an NFL QB. If he works out, they go from a 1 year window to a 7 year window. AD, Tebow, Harvin.......THATS a college probowl team!

Sherp - knew this was coming. I've actually seen it done by several Vik fans. I'm very iffy on this pick. Min needs a CB bad but they're off the board and the next best is a mid 2nd. They also need a DT but aren't likely to reach here either. I feel that they trade down or roll the dice big time on Tebow. At this point if all that's left are reaches or LB's then perhaps the Tebow thing is a good a shot as any. I like how the media circus will finaly not swirl around freaking Favre for once too with this pick. Best case scenario he's groomed to take over, worse case scenario he then gets traded for players/picks to a needy team. (Bet JV would give up a DT and a CB just to get Tebow.

31 Indianapolis - DT Brian Price.

In what is a tough call I went with a player I felt could start this year and have some upside. It was really between Price whom after the season was over was listed as a top 20 players do to his production (24 t.f.l. last season) at a good size 305 with decent athleticism... and G/T Saffold who is a fast riser due to his athleticism (another 2nd round G being bumped to the 1st due to having the physical tools to play T. I also debated the whole Taylor Mayes who could be moved to LB in the Colts fast D if he can't hack it at S. Indy could also go for higher rated LB Weatherspoon or DE Griffen.

Big - Price has good value here, and despite getting better against the run last, they still can have problems up the middle, and a big DT like Price is a nice get for them. The only thing that I might add is a WR. Yea, Pierre Garcon was a nice surprise last year, and we are all still waiting on Anthony Gonzalez to step up and play, but with good WR talent available, they might shock some people and take a WR.

32 - New Orleans Saints - Everson Griffin, DE, USC

One thing is for sure, the Saints NEED to get some pressure on the QB. Yea its fun to win games 35-28, but its even better for saint’s fans to watch their team knock some QB's on the turf, something they didn’t do at all last year. Griffin has warts, but he also has a lot of talent. He can step in and if his head is right, start at LE from day one.

Sherp - hard to argue this pick... physically he is a top 15 guy so purely this is a steal from an athlete point of view. Unfortunately from a production standpoint he's a 3rd round guy. As is it's a solid pick at a position of need and if the light goes off for him, and or he recieves good coaching; this pick could be huge looking back. Worse case scenario he provides depth for them much like any other player they could pick up here with the exception of possibly LB Weatherspoon. Pass rushers are far harder to find than LB's so Griffen should get the nod.

So Stay Tuned, round 2 and some thoughts about round one will be up when we get them.

Tis True

2010-04-06T13:04:00.002-05:00

Feels good to be back. Rested. All that stuff.

Since Brown caught you up on his life, i felt I needed to do the same. He's got a new Job/Lady/Dog and all that good stuff.

Whats Changed in my life? Nothing. Well i did develop a coke habit, but that was just the logical progression.
All kidding aside, I'm glad to be back, looking forward, you can expect a bit of a less sporty feel to the blog. Sure sports is our bread and butter, but like brown said, we're not experts, just fans, so if you like our since of humor, and our Sports Elitist cometary. Welcome back.

Well, that was quite a sabbatical, now, wasn't it?

2010-04-06T09:05:00.002-05:00

Sup, bitches?

Big alluded to it, and now I'm delivering on it. We're back, new and improved, TB & TB 2.0.

I wouldn't be looking for a dearth of posts, or for us to really honestly branch out and over-contribute. I loved the idea that a real site like MavsMoneyBall asked us to contribute, and I really hope that Wes and Phillip will allow us the occaisonal guest post here and there, but I don't think that a serious forum is where we fit.

I still use the twitter account, occasionally, so you're welcome to follow that. Big uses his own account now, but that's his personal thing, so you'll most likely be dealing with me on that front.

So, after my torching of the bridge in the last post, what all happened?

Easy. I got a dog. I got engaged (to a real girl!). I got a new job (Ladies, I'm on the main stage at Master Blaster on Wednesday mornings!). I got a new car (They still make the Pinto, you just have to look.). Basically, I traded in my shit hole of a life and got one worth waking up in the morning for. Cliched? Sure. Awesome? You're god damned right it is.

So what to expect in this new version of your favorite site?

Sports

I've never been a fan of really in depth statistical breakdowns. I've also never really been a fan of taking on hot button issues. I'd like to think that Big and I are fans, and just that. What you read here are the thoughts of two guys who try to cram as much sports as they can in their tiny little brains.

Wrestling

Did you know there's a rival promotion on Monday nights now? Did you know it consists of people we haven't seen wrestle since we were in high school? Do you like really pale Irish gingers?

Life

Things happen that make me laugh. I'm going to share them. For example, I farted the other day on the couch, startled the dog who looked at me in disgust and he walked over to the other room and laid down on the carpet. My lady is teaching him things, obviously.

So, re-load your bookmarks, sexy readers, the boys are back.

hmmmm

2010-04-02T14:20:00.001-05:00

TB&TB Blast from the past, All Time Movie Football Team

2010-01-12T10:40:00.003-06:00

So, we have been lacking on post as of late. With the influx of stuff, like life, we just haven't been the same TB&TB you have come to love over the past few months. It happens. Even if we never get back on the wagon again, I wanted to share some things from our early days with you over the next few weeks, things you may remember, some things you may not, but they were all fun to write, and i hope they were fun to read as well.

We are starting off with a little diddy that got the ball rolling for us, a post i wrote for my myspace, got a bunch of response from, so i posted it on my first extremely short lived blog, miss-spelled sports. Its called "The All Time Movie Football Team, the offense" Enjoy.

Sitting around with my friends, we often use movies as a subject of our conversations. Whether it be quoting a film, or comparing someones actions to a certain person in a movie; it always seems to be the one staple in our group. As conversation among guys almost always does, the conversation turned to sports, in this case who the cowboys should take with their 2 first rounders. It wasn't long until someone threw out a sports related movie quote, I believe it was "See that shoe, it says Adidas."

This got me thinking, if I could draft a NFL team with only selecting characters from movies, who would it be? Well after a few hours on my computer, and on IMDB.com, this is what I have come up with. Note that I am a younger man, and some of the "golden age" of football movies aren't as impressionable on me. So here is my team.

QB3 – Shane Falco "Number 16 On Your Program -- Number 1 In Your Heart! Shane Falco!"

Let see, who is the greatest back up QB of all time? I think it might be Doug Flutie, why? Because he just won games and played with heart. That is Shane Falco. He can be my 3rd QB anytime. I think he said it best with, "Pain heals, chicks dig scars, but glory lasts forever"

QB2 – Joe Kane "Because as we all know, Kane is Able" The Program

Ohh the greatness of Joe Kane. This short, drunk, lying down in the middle of the road son of bitch, is what a QB is all about. He couldn't have been but about a buck fifty, but he could scramble away from ANYBODY. When we left him at the end of the movie, he was still a JR and going back for his senor season at ESU, the potential here is just fantastic not to include him on my team.

QB1 – Willie Beamen. "My name is Willie, Willie Beamen, I leave the ladies, creamin', my fans? Their screamin', think you'll defet me? Your dreamin' " Any Given Sunday

Alright, this one was by far the hardest position to fill. Just about every football movie has a bad ass rock star QB. I chose Willie because he can create on the fly, run, and has the deep touch. The reason he is starting in front of my back up guys is he has more NFL experience than the other too. Not to mention he can hook everybody up with MET-Rx.

RB2 – Julian Washington "Kiss my Armani ass!" Any Given Sunday.

As the back up/ power back I choose the great Miami Shark money driven RB Julian Washington. Always a player that's not scared to give himself a pat on the back in public, I'm sure he will be down with running the goal line.

RB1 – Darnell Jefferson " Darnell Jefferson, Tailback" The Program

The second ESU Wolfpack member to grace the team, Jefferson's speed and big play ability is something that needs to be showcased. He can break a game open anytime he touches the ball. Let's not forget about that run back vs. Taft.

FB Ray Griffen "Ray Griffen, starting tailback" The Program.

The thunder right is now complete in the back field. In only one game as a true FB, Griffen has shown me enough to warrant the spot on the team, despite his recent spat with starting RB Jefferson.

WR 4 Charlie Tweeder "Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car." Varsity Blues

First player taken from the West Canaan Coyotes, this speed demon is great coming off the bench and on special teams.

WR 3 – Clifford Franklin "The football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catching' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it." The Replacements

Known to have some problems holding onto the ball, but a great 3rd receiver in the slot. I

WR 2 – Phillip Elliot "No stupid box can tell me how good I play" North Dallas Forty.

The only player included from the older set of movies. I read the book NDF and thought this guy is great. An ageing WR trying to stay alive in the league just a few more years, so he takes every pain killer he can get his hands on and still makes big grabs when he needs it. Nick Nolte has to be on the team. Just does.

WR 1 – Rod Tidwell "I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!" Jerry Maguire

The number one guy. If he can continue to go over the middle and make the catch, we will give him his quan!

TE – Brain Murphy " (uhh he's def)" The Replacements.

The only memorable TE of any football movie I can think of so you know he's on the team by default. That aside this guy can move the chains for my team any day.

OL Back ups Jamal and Andre Jackson "Man, I'm going to go sit with the deaf kid." The Replacements

A pair of guards that washed out of the league when they were separated, but when put together, they are a force to be reckoned with. Great guys that coming off the bench.

LT – Switowski "I think I made-ed him shit himself." The Longest Yard.

Who wouldn't want the beast as your LT? A gentile giant, with the IQ of a banana. The first member of the Mean Machine to make the list.

LG – Billy Bob "Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?" Varsity Blues

Like I'm going to leave him off my team. Look anyone who brings a pig to a party, and then drives onto a football field drunk as piss and shoots his old trophies with a 22, is a good guy to have on the team.

C – Manumana "Where I come from, Mr. Blake, we're taught to respect our elders." Necessary Roughness

He was the sturdy rock that held together the Texas State Armadillos OL. Now he holds mine.

RG – Jumbo "Nan desu ka!" The Replacements

A former sumo wrestler now makes a great RG on this line.

RT - Mike "Bud Light" Kaminski "Helluva throw Joe, wish I'd seen it." The Program.

Ohh Yes, the guy with the crazy ass fade/bowl cut hair do. I like this guy because of his athletic ability next to the stone footed Jumbo.

I hope you enjoyed that. I will do some more when i feel like it.

Are you guys still writing?

2010-01-06T10:33:00.001-06:00

The obvious answer here is no.

You probably want to know more, don’t you?

I can’t speak for Big, but I damn sure can speak for myself, so here’s your answer.

I’m not paid to write on this site, therefore, I don’t have the motivation to do what it takes to promote this blog and deal with people on the internet.

Let me hit those points again .

1) I am not paid to write on this blog.

See, I have a job that pays me money. This money allows me to live my life. No money = no food, no rent, no nothing. Should I spend my time doing something that makes me money or should I spend time doing something that doesn’t. Also, I’m fucking busy at work. I don’t even know what’s happening in the world or sports or the world in general. “Well, if you enjoy what you’re doing and it makes you happy, you should spend time doing that.” Idealistic, but valid.

2) I don’t like writing for people I know.

Does that shock you? There’s a reason I write under a pseudonym. It allows to write stupid drivel about things and take shocking stances on things under the cloak of anonymity. “What a pussy” is what just ran across your head. Sure, there’s a point there. However, I live in corporate America. I can’t just say whatever the fuck I want and have it comes back to me in a negative light. So, the fact that the only people that read this god damned site are the people I know personally seem to go completely opposite to that. Therefore, I just don’t care to write anymore.

3) I don’t want to deal with stupid people on the internet

Life is serious enough as it is. I have to deal with stupid, over sensitive people on a daily basis. You think I want to put up with that shit on the internet too? Look at Facebook, what the fuck is it with you people? Stop taking that thing so seriously. Pick up the phone and call one of your friends and talk about it, status updates and wall posts are bullshit. Look at this from the former UniTQM. The guy makes a joke about someone and their blog, and everyone gets all butt hurt about it. IT’S A FUCKING BLOG ON THE INTERNET. He shouldn’t have to apologize for anything he says about anyone, and if you’re blog gets criticized, who the fuck cares? Blogspot isn’t some time honored journalistic institution. This is the same hosting service that provides Guess Her Muff and Show Me Your Butt Hole to the world, I’m pretty sure you don’t have to maintain journalistic integrity or mind yourself for libel or people’s feelings.

What I’m trying to say is we’ve swung so much as a society that everyone wants to have their pulpit to speak from. It’s tiring and annoying and I’m over contributing to it (yes, I understand the irony of this post and that sentence. No need to point that out to me.) We’ve moved from everyone getting to have their 15 minutes of fame to everyone begging for 15 minutes of privacy. Rather than being treated to me and Gerry Dorsey mocking each other and going prop bet over tomorrow’s game, you’re stuck with nothing. Thanks, internet, you’ve killed the internet.

Texas Tech usurps everyone as the stupidest university on the planet

2009-12-30T12:40:00.001-06:00

Are you fucking kidding me? Really? This is the stupidest god damned thing I’ve ever seen and I’m not even a supporter of this school!?

Mike Leach fired!

I think I speak for everyone when I say…

What. The. Fuck.

Craig James has now destroyed SMU and Texas Tech. You keep your ass away from Austin, Craig James. So help me, God, I’ll ruin you if you or your progeny step foot on the 40 acres.

This makes me happy.

2009-12-22T15:03:00.001-06:00

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Hat tip: Warming Glow

Big's end of the Year Awards - TV

2009-12-14T11:22:00.004-06:00

It's the end of the year, and despite our lack of focus on this site, we are still here, and we do still care.

We care so much in fact, that i have once again put together a list of things that you should be excited about, the End of the Year Awards from yours truly, Big.

Today we start with TV

We did this last year as well.

Cable TV. How great are thee. With your channels more than three, and such great picture quality. Its easy to see, that without you I would be, a more contributing person to society.

A poem by Mamma-auk-a-boo-boo-day

It was a so-so year for TV in my book. Had some new stuff that was decent, alot of crap again, but that's to be expected. On to the awards

Best Animated TV Show : The Cleveland Show (Last year, Family Guy)

I understand a lot of people don't like Seth McFarland (Cleveland Show, Family Guy, American Dad), whether it be because his predictable formula for shows (Stupid fat dad, Hot Wife, Kid who is smarter than his age, talking animal), but his humor (which seams to be a mix of pop-culcher references, slap stick, and shock jock) is right up my ally.

Just a quick aside, This season of South Parks was their best in years. Whale Whores, and Go Home Fags, were quick possibly the best stuff they have done in a decade.

Runners up : South Park, Family Guy, Simpsons.

Best Comedy: Tie, Better off Ted and The League. (Last Year: How I Met Your Mother)

Better off Ted

A show that I got into in the early part of this year, about a guy working for a product development big business. There are always 3 or 4 audible laugh moments each week. Glad they brought it back.

The League

Let see, I'm a sports dork with a soft side for Fantasy Football and "Guy" humor. Yea, I liked the league a lot.

Runner Up: Scrubs, Always Sunny, Psych.

Best Drama: Son's of Anarchy(last year SOA)

Might have moved into the top 5 shows of all time in my list with this last season. (Top five right now in no order Simpsons, The Wire, Sports Night, FNL, SOA/Sheild).

Come on, it had Henry freakin' Rollins as a white surprimisest. Greatness.

Runners Up: True Blood, Lie to Me, Friday Night Lights.

Best Reality Show (None)

I will say, the 30 for 30 Docu's on ESPN have been fantastic. As was the WWII in HD the history channel did.

Best New Show I'm sure will get canceled soon. Modern Family (Last year: True Blood)

Modern Family

Its good. The gay guys are funny, Al Bundy is great, and the "hip" dad always steals a segment or two every episode.

runners up: Warehouse 51,

Re-examining the social networking morass

2009-12-08T10:59:00.001-06:00

In the immortal words of Val Kilmer’s Doc Holliday, “My hypocrisy knows no bounds.”

If you remember, I was one of the people who denounced and railed against social networking sites like the MySpace, the Facebook and the Twitter. Now I find myself joining the Facebook and using this little blogsite to join the Twitter. Again, I’m the first person to admit that I’m a hypocrite in just about every sense of the word…especially on these here interwebs. I’ve found that having a Facebook account helps me stay in touch with family and close friends and share pictures and maybe share broadcast messages via a status update. I’ve found that having a Twitter account helps me either a) promote posts on this site b) promote posts on MavsMoneyBall and c) go on Twitter-thons while watching a game, in essence, live blogging for you, the sexy reader.

In my eyes, that’s what these sites were made for, but in the hands on the wrong person, these sites can inherently make me want to shove chopsticks in my ear until I feel something go *pop*.

For the record,

I don’t care that you need help in Mafia Wars
I don’t care how your farm is doing in Farmville
I don’t care what you baked in your cafe
I don’t care what your photo of the day is
I don’t care about your daily routine and if you really need to go to the gym
I don’t care if you think it’s cold outside
I don’t care where you are or what you’re doing every minute of the day

Allow me to respond to the biggest arguments against me on this topic

1) If you don’t like it, then just ignore it or don’t read it.

So, let me get this straight. We’re friends on Facebook because we’re friends and want to know what’s going on and keep in touch, but I’m supposed to ignore your posts? As for the don’t read it part, well, that’s a bit hard to do when IT’S 75% OF THE GOD DAMNED SCREEN. If you’re offended by this, go ahead and remove me as a friend, I won’t have my feelings hurt. It’s Facebook. Who gives a shit?

2) I’ve got everything linked together on my phone! What can I do?

STOP LINKING SHIT TOGETHER ON YOUR PHONE! These are two different websites with two different purposes. Twitter can be updated frequently and to your heart’s content because that’s the intent. Facebook, however, doesn’t need to be updated every two seconds because again all it does is CLUTTER UP 75% OF MY SCREEN. If you want me to ignore it, please see number 1. Is it that fucking hard for you to enter something twice if you absolutely, positively have to put it in both locations? "Whew, I might get carpel tunnel if I enter “I’m eating dinner now” in two places. Better merge it into one application!”

3) If it bothers you so much, don’t be on the sites.

Read the entire post, dip shit.

Now, I know for sure that I’ve pissed off at least one of you sexy readers because you’re addicted to the social networking thing and you have to update things every minute of every day. Just know that you shouldn’t take it personally that I find social networking behavior annoying. Seriously. It’s the fucking internet. Who cares what I think?

I actually went to the stadium this time

2009-12-08T09:55:00.003-06:00

Yes, I know we don't post here much anymore. Give me a fucking break, I don't see you assholes writing anything or paying me to write. You can have a Coke, put a smile on your face and shut the fuck up.

This man still gives me nightmares, and I was in the stands.

So, the last time I "reviewed" the stadium, it was based on a few text messages and reactions after the opening game against the Giants. I lambasted the idea of the vast stadium and the catering to luxury boxes and the fucked up logistics of parking and prices, etc. I mentioned that somehow college campuses that routinely pack 95K+ every week for games (Texas, Michigan, Nebraska, Ohio State, etc.) managed to do easily, but the Cowboys couldn't because the pro game experience is too different.

I was blasted in the comments section by some anonymous person who said that I was complaining too much because I only wanted a suite with free parking and beer. First off, I've got an extra "kiss my ass" card for anyone doesn't agree with me. I'm always right, don't you know that? Second of all, I actually ventured out to the stadium for a game, the Big XII championship, so allow me to re-review the stadium based on my own experience.

In a word...meh.

I'm sorry, I just wasn't taken aback by the aura of the stadium and game presentation. I'm going to chalk this up to the fact that it was a college game in a pro stadium, and the way to present a game is different, but here's my pro/con run down.

Pros:

Parking was not as bad or teeth pulling as I expected.
Neither was traffic.
Line of Sight. We were sitting in the third section, in the corner of the end zone and I was able to see the entire field and not think I was looking at ants.
Bathrooms. I didn't think they were that bad. Maybe that's just a comparison factor to everywhere else.
The Screen. Sweet Jesus. You hear how big and bad that thing is, but you don't realize it until you see it in person. Almost to a fault, it deceives you as to how big the stadium is because the screen is so mammoth. You have to train yourself to watch the game and not the television, but it's okay if you do.

Cons

Sound. This didn't work on two levels. This isn't really relevant in a pro game (so not really Jerry's concern), but in the college game, the band is a pretty crucial element to the fans. If you can't hear the band, then it takes away from the college football experience. Similar to the band, it's really difficult for a crowd to really get a good chant going. Check that, it's really hard for certain chants to get going. If the crowd is all doing the same thing, then it works. For example, Nebraska has a "Go! Big! Red!" chant. That works because all the fans are screaming the same thing in unison. However, Texas uses the "Texas! Fight!" chant where half the fans scream "Texas!" and the other screams "Fight!". This works in most stadiums because you can hear what's being said. For the life of me (and the sections around me), every time Texas tried to start that chant, it died immediately because no one could hear "Texas" and no one could hear "Fight".
Presentation. Again, this might pertain mainly to the college game, but if you notice, there isn't a lot of "stuff" happening during the college game. The presentation is usually left in the hands of the fans. Chants and band noise and all that. Every time either side tried to get a chant going, the stadium people decided that was the time to either blare music from the sound system or show a commercial on the big screen. This move effectively killed any fan chanting, so it really hurt both teams' momentum.
Public Address. This was not the usual Cowboy Stadium announcer, Jody Dean, but this falls onto The Ticket's George Dunham. It usually helps to let the people in the stadium know what is going on. We had no idea down and distance. We had no idea when/if there were penalties. We had no idea when things were being reviewed. It was like watching a game with the sound turned off and KISS FM turned way up.
General information. I've heard this before and confirmed it, but there's no information displayed on any of the 2,000 screens in the stadium. I'd like to know some stats and information beyond a small ticker at the bottom of the giganto screen.

All in all, the stadium is nice and all, and a majority of the issues I had can be chalked up simply to the fact that this was a college game in a professional stadium, but I just wasn't as impressed or awestruck as I really expected to be when I came to the stadium.

What the hell is wrong with people?

2009-11-04T11:48:00.001-06:00

Really? REALLLYY???

H/T: FilmDrunk

Happy Halloween!

2009-10-30T09:21:00.002-05:00

If this doesn't put you in the spirit, I don't know what will.

HT : Warming Glow

and if your into the best part of this fantastic holliday, chicks dressing like hookers, Holy Taco has a gallery you check out here . With stuff like this.

What the hell is happening in Redskins land?

2009-10-28T11:06:00.001-05:00

As a Cowboy fan, I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t at all giddy at the fact that the Redskins haven’t been a contender for 10 years. However, there’s only a certain amount of pleasure you can take in a fandom’s plight when they’re on the ground bleeding and keep getting kicked in the head.

Is it safe to say that Dan Snyder is the worst owner in the NFL? He’s got contention from Al Davis (and to a lesser degree, Jerrah), but no one could be more blinded by his own perceived light than this guy.

Take a look a this from Steinberg's blog…

“…there's a new policy that says no signs of any sort are permitted inside the stadium. Even signs sending best wishes to husbands in Afghanistan.

When and why was this change made? I asked Monday morning, and as of Monday evening, a Redskins spokesman said he still wasn't sure.

…

Now, no signs or banners are permitted whatsoever. A spokesman told me that this policy is meant to protect spectators from getting injured by signs, and also to make sure everyone can see the action. Because obstructed views at that stadium could not possibly be tolerated.”

What. In. The. Fuck.

How far up one’s ass does one’s head need to be to not realize how bad things really are around them?

Bad signings. Zero patience. No listening to the advisors around him.

Either Snyder has adopted the Beltway attitude of “things are great on the hill, who cares about off of it” or he’s really just envisioning himself as some kind of dictator who must crush any kind of rebellion against him. Either way, it’s come to a point where I actually feel sorry for Redskins fans.

(Note: I do not feel sorry for Redskins fans.)

Mavericks Season Preview

2009-10-27T14:11:00.001-05:00

Check out the team breakdown at Mavs Money Ball. Here’s the overview…

So, what are we looking at in the NBA this year?

-Shaq's in Cleveland, making his fourth alliance with "the next big thing" (Hardaway, Bryant, wade, James).
-Boston picked up Sheed
-Orlando brought home Vinsanity
-LAL brought in a pit bull with Artest
-San Antonio got really scary with McDyess and Jefferson
-Oh, and that Blazers team that everyone said a better point guard because Steve Blake wasn't it? Yeah, they're a year older and got Andre Miller.

Needless to say, the NBA's rich just got richer. There are a host of other story lines: refs, impending CBA lockout, Von Wafer's hair, Blake Griffin's ACL which I am now referring to as "the Clipper's ticking time bomb", but that's not why you're reading this...you wanna know about your Dallas Mavericks.

Click here to read Brown's preview over at MavsMoneyBall.com

Predictions:

EAST
1) Cleveland (LeBron, Shaq...yeah)
2) Orlando (Lost the Turkish MJ, got Vince Carter...wash)
3) Boston (They're old, but they're the good old)
4) Toronto (Bosh and Hedo, I smell buddy flick!)
5) Atlanta (Joe Johnson and Jamal Crawford is gonna be lethal)
6) Chicago (Baby Bulls and Vinny of the Black!)
7) Detroit (New look Pistons with Gordon and Villanueva)
8) Philadelphia (Elton Brand is healthy. Eddie Jordon brings the Princeton offense.)

West
1) Los Angeles (if I need to specify, you're retarded)
2) Portland (I'm telling you, these kids are going to be good)
3) San Antonio (Healthy Manu and Jefferson on the wings? McDyess at the five and Duncan at the four? Yikes.)
4) Utah (Same old)
5) Denver (Melo's hungier than ever)
6) Dallas (I just broke them down)
7) New Orleans (The Paul and Chandler pick and roll was special to watch…how well can it run with Okafor?)
8) Golden State (I really really like Stephen Curry in Nellie-ball)

Finals: San Antonio & Cleveland

Champion: San Antonio

You guys are WHERE??

2009-10-27T14:09:00.001-05:00

We’re blogging with big boy pants now. Just like we’ve moved our wrestling thoughts over to The New PWB, we’ve been asked to contribute to Mavs Money Ball this season on SBNation. I’m not sure how we were selected, and it’d be a lie to say that we aren’t excited about it.

Quick note to our ass hole commenters, MMB is a big-boy blog and we’d rather you kept it sportsy over there. I may or may not be posting more TB&TB flavored versions of posts over here, so you can comment your ass off to those.

Also, we’ve re-instated the twitter page (@bigandthebrown), and I’ve been keeping up on that front.

It’s an internet revolution, mother fuckers, TB&TB style.

College Footbal Weekly Round up - Week 8

2009-10-27T09:19:00.003-05:00

Mark Ingram Heisman?

We are starting to reach the point in the season where things really start happening. Most of the pretender team have been washed out, and this is the time where the cream of the crop start to rise to the top. Being a man of size, I'm pretty big fan of cream, and I'm looking around this college football landscape, and I see very little cream. Very. Little. Cream.

Sure there are a few big school still undefeated at the top of the standings, and more than likely two of the big three will ride the course and stay undefeated and play for a national championship, but in my honest opinion, it wouldn't surprise me if all three of them have one loss going into bowl season.

The fun part about this year is the running joke series that is the BCS, and what they will do if two smaller schools are the only two that run into January undefeated. What will the BCS do if, for example, Bamma and Texas drop a game, Bamma then beats Florida in the SEC championship game, and the only undefeated teams are TCU, Boise, and Cincy. One of those guys has to get a shot at the BCS title game, right? How awesome would a Cincy TCU bcs game be? On the rankings

Main Eventers

No. 1 Florida (Win 29-19, Mississippi State) - 13-10 at half time. Against Mississippi State. Sure your defense is good, but you have to do better than 2-12 on third downs if you want to repeat. If State can shut down your passing game, can't wait to see what the Sabin can do.

No. 3 Texas (Win 41-7, Missouri) - I don't understand the voters in either poll. Texas wins a close game, at a neutral site, against what we all thought was a top 5 team in nation at the start of the year, and they drop back to three. Yet when they destroy a former top 25 team on the road and the number 2 team has to block a gimme field goal to win, and they still stay three. I'm pretty sure CBS said "hey, lets just leave Bamma and Florida 1-2, so when they play each other in the SEC title game, we can call it a 1 vs 2 game! Think of the ratings!"

I thought after the Oklahoma game i had seen the best defensive game that Texas would play all year, then they follow it up with this one. Allowing only 174 yards to a good Missouri team is quite impressive. I still have my doubts about the offense (137 yards rushing is good, but 7 guys rushing to do that isn't), but this Texas defense seems good enough to hoist a trophy this year.

No. 2 Alabama (win 12-10, Tennessee) - 2 things I learned walking away from this game. 1. Bama's got some great luck, and one hell of a defensive front. 2. Some point in the next 4 years, Tennessee is going to be the Tits of the SEC. With only 4 games left for the Tide, the LSU game in two weeks should be interesting, but with two weeks to prepare for it shouldn't be too tough, that leaves only Auburn at the end of the year as a game that could be in doubt, but probably won't be. Bama is ripe and ready to go against Florida in the SEC title game.

No. 5 Cincinnati (win 41-10, Louisville) - For the first time Cincy is entering my Main Event status, mainly because I don't know if 2 of the three team above them can go the distance, and even without star Tony Pike, the BearCats put up almost 500 yards and 41 points on Louisville.

Mid Carders

No. 6 Iowa (win 15-13, Michigan State) - Usually an undefeated big 10 team at this point of the year is in my top tier, but not this team. To beat a very average Mich State team, it took a TD pass at the buzzer. If they can beat Ohio State in three weeks, then i will consider them legit.

No. 8 TCU (win 38-7, No. 16 Brigham Young) - Watched this one VS and I must say the presentation was pretty good, but the play by play guy was about as terrible as it gets. Look VS, i know you want to have an "edgy" feel for your station, make it seam like a guys network, but I don't need somebody who is trying to be Gus Johnson. Gus Johnson is greatness, but what makes him great is the idea his super excited calls are genuine and don't feel forced what so ever.

Now, on the TCU, who scored on three of their first 5 drives, and taking a 21-0 lead, in Utah, against a team that beat Oklahoma on a neutral site. This game was over in the third quarter when QB Dalton hit WR Hicks for a 75 yard score.

No. 4 Boise State (win 54-9, Hawaii) - What can you say, Boise dominated every aspect of this game, as they should have. Its just getting hard to remember that win over Oregon at home so long ago. And with nobody on the schedule that is worth a 50 cent steak, i fear I will forget that game before its all said and done completely.

No. 7 USC (win 42-36, Oregon State) - If the BCS apocalypse happens, and we are left with a couple non BCS schools undefeated, and a bunch of one loss powers schools, you can't count out the men of Troy. The one loss on the road, coupled with another pac 10 championship, which would include a win over fellow one loss Oregon, might be enough to have the over hyped Trojans in the title game again. Of course there are a lot of things that must happen for that to take place, and that includes a win this week at Eugene, against a very good Oregon team.

We are going to forsake the Developmental teams this week, due to lack of quality teams at the bottom of the top 25. It just seams that every time you think you know something about a team, they shit the bed and arn't worth talking about. I'm looking at you Texas AM (get rolled by K-State then roll Tech) and Nebraska (Iowa State? Really?)

So instead I'm going to give you your college football schedule for watching on TV coming up on Halloween.

11:00 AM No. 8 Cincinnati at Syracuse - See if Greg Paulus can stop the Bearcat Cinderella season (hint: he can't).

2:30 PM Georgia vs. No. 1 Florida - The Dogs don't have much to play for this year, so this could be a trap game (hint: it won't be)

7:00 PM No. 3 Texas at No. 14 Oklahoma State - Biggest road game for Texas all year.

7:00 PM No. 5 USC at No. 10 Oregon - I would say flip between the two, but they are both on ABC, so enjoy the Texas game. I'm calling for an Oregon upset if you care.

Happy Halloween people.

A product all girls should have.

2009-10-15T13:59:00.002-05:00

I remember seeing this awhile ago, but forgot about it till i saw it agian today.

I would totally get my girlfriend one of these, but you as you know, she is in Europe, waiting on a visa, and she doesn't like talking on the phone with people she has never met, but trust me, she is real.

College Footbal Weekly Round up - Week 6

2009-10-13T14:56:00.003-05:00

I know I missed last week. I'm a bad person. But very little has really happend in college football. Same as 2 weeks ago there are so far 3 legit teams, Florida, Texas, Alabama, a slew of next tier guys, and a few less BCS busters. Lets get to the rankings

Main Event.

No. 1 Florida (Win 13-3, No. 4 LSU) - Took care of business in what was their biggest test to date in Baton Rouge. Any of the next three could be trap games, home to Arkansas, @Miss State, home Georgia, but I think Bamma vs. Florida in the SEC title game is going to happen.

No. 2 Texas (Win 38-14, Colorado) - Looked like shit for a half, then remembered that Colorado sucked. Here come the "this is only thing that matters anymore" Sooners. Be warned.

No. 3 Alabama (Win 22-3, No. 20 Mississippi) - So much for the Jevon Sneed hype, 11-34, 140 yards, 4 picks.

Mid Carders

No. 5 Virginia Tech (win 48-14, Boston College) - Only loss was to Bamma, and they have wins over Nebraska and Miami. If they can survive Georgia Tech this week, they could not lose again the rest of the year.

No. 9 Ohio State (win 31-13, Wisconsin) - Looks like TP is starting to get it. Ohio State won't be in the national title game this year, but look out for them in a rematch vs USC in the rose bowl, they could take em.

No. 6 USC (idle) - Hope they lose to Notre Dame this week, but I doubt it. Looking forward to USC Oregon on Halloween.

Developmental

No. 16 Kansas (Win 41-36, Iowa State) - Still unbeaten, looks like them and Nebraska will get the right to lose to either Oklahoma or Texas.

No. 13 Oregon (win 24-10, UCLA) - Only team in the Pac 10 that is undefeated in conference. @Washington, then host USC coming up. Time to show me.

I'm going to hold off talking about UNT until next week, as we had another heart breaking last second loss this week. But its Homecoming this week, and I will tell you what happens at homecoming next week.

Giggle

2009-10-06T09:41:00.003-05:00

Don't worry the college post will be up later today. This was too funny to pass up.

more like this over at Comicsalliance.com

(I know, i'm a dork)

So, now that they’re done, will you talk about them?

2009-09-29T22:42:00.001-05:00

Yes. Now, that they’re done, I’m going to talk about “them”, the Texas Rangers.

What can you say about this season short of it was fantastic? I understand that the team fell short of the playoffs by petering out and playing a shitty last 20 games. (I’m assuming the last 6 games aren’t going to be gangbusters and the Red Sox aren’t going to drop 6 straight.) However, this season was much different than the 80+ win season of a few years ago.

One reason. There’s a future.

A couple of years ago, when the Rangers had the nice season no one believed that the next season or seasons were going to be great. That team wasn’t young, it had guys like Tex who we all knew wasn’t going to stay. It was an aberration.

The team this season actually backed up the message that we’ve been hearing from the front office for years. “Wait for 2009, wait for 2010, that’s when we compete.” Now, the young prospects are paying off, more importantly, it’s the pitching that’s arrived. The staff is young and promising. Feldman, Hunter, Nippert, Holland, Feliz, all set for promising futures. Add in the futures of young guys like Davis, Murphy, Andrus, Borbon and upcoming guys like Smoake and you’ve got a nice core of players to work with.

So why are we still worried as fans?

Money.

Tom Hicks ran out of money this year, and the MLB has, for all intents and purposes, taken over the Rangers. Which means that the other owners have a say in how things are run. Which means the Rangers can only offer slot values for draft picks, hence not being able to sign their top pick this year. It means not having the capital to sign free agents, which MUST HAPPEN WITH MARLON BYRD AND JOSH HAMILTON.

Tom Hicks has always been the problem with the Rangers. The front office and the team are finally solid and promising, but the problem begins and ends with the owner. If Tom Hicks can’t sell his team to a buyer who can afford to grow the Rangers, all the good vibes ad promise that have been built this season are for shit.

College Footbal Weekly Round up - Week 4

2009-09-28T09:10:00.003-05:00

Oh JoePa, I'm sorry.

Two things struck me this weekend while watching college football, One, weekend with no "good games" on the schedule almost always become good football watching Saturdays, and two, TB&TB College Round up is starting to gather a Madden/SI like curse for the who i talk about for the first time, and/or put a pic of on top. Sorry Javed Best and JaCory Harris, my bad.

Main Eventers:

No. 1 Florida (Win 41-7, Kentucky) - This one was never close. The end of the first quarter it was 31-0. Tebow ran for 2 more TD's and is like 3 behind the great Hershel Walker for most rushing TD's in SEC history or some such. Something to watch, Tebow took a shot in the third quarter, head got bounced off the turf, took a little ambulance ride to the hospital for a overnight servalence. Insert your own "Tebow rises from the un-opened tomb three days later joke" here.

No. 3 Alabama (Win 35-7, Arkansas) - Yup, I moved Alabama ahead of Texas. Body of work so far. That's the only reason. One of the best analysis of Bamma I have heard all season was said by the play by play guy of their game this week. I'm going to paraphrase it suchly "bamma had one way of beating you last year, pure, over powering brutality. This year they have many ways they can beat you, but they can do none of those things as well as they could just beat you down last year."

Basically he's saying, nobody really knows what kind of team this bamma team is, all we know is that they are good, really good. Like "freaky" good.

No. 2 Texas (win 64-7, UTEP) - Got a text from brown early in this game, "Colt pick six, time to start drinking." While I was pissed he didn't use the "taint" phrase (Touchdown After INT), little did we know, that would be the only points UTEP could muster. At one point late in the game, Texas even put in a white out offense, consisting of all white players. True story. Not even one Mexican.

And to this point in the season, those are the only teams worthy of playing for a national title. Things could change, but when it comes to the big schools, that are still undefeated, that look good enough to be crowned, that's it.

Mid Carders

No. 7 LSU (win 30-26, Mississippi State) - Good things for LSU in this game: they caused 4 turnovers, Bad things: only 263 total yards. Maybe they were looking forward to two weeks when they host Florida, or this week when they go to UGA, but if they can't do a better job of moving to the ball against the gators or the bulldogs for that matter, its going to be a rough couple of weeks.

No. 11 Virginia Tech (Win 31-7, No. 9 Miami (FL)) - It was raining, hard, at VaTech this weekend, so much so that neither team did anything in the air. Combined they had 248 yards passing. The weather, plus a good defense completely took JaCory Harris out of the game. No Harris, no chance for the U to win. So as of right now, VaTech is the best one loss team in the nation, with wins over Nebraska and Miami, and their only loss coming against Alabama.

No. 10 Oklahoma(idel) - Time for the Sooners to prove if they are worthy of being in the hunt with the big boys, they go to Miami this week.

No. 13 Ohio State (win 30-0, Illinois) - Illinois isn't a terrible team, and with Iowa proving that they are somewhat legit, OSU now has one hell of season ending trifecta, @Penn State, home Iowa, @Mich.

No. 14 Cincinnati (win 28-20, Fresno State) - Despite the fact the BearCats only had 57 yards rushing and only had the ball for 16 min, they continue to win. Tony Pike has gone over 300 yards passing in all but one of his games, and has thrown multiply TD's in all of his games thus far, including 300 yards and 3 td's this week. He is your dark horse Heisman, and Cinncy is your dark horse national title game participant. You herd it here first.

Iowa (Win 21-10, No. 5 Penn State) - So sorry Joe Pa, but Iowa has got your number. For the 8th time in 9 years, Iowa has beaten Penn State, this time in happy valley no less. 4 turn overs, a 3.3 yards per carry, and a monsoon was the reason this year. Is Iowa for real? Doubt it, they always beat somebody they shouldn't, but time will tell.

No. 8 Boise State (win 49-14, Bowling Green) There is 0 difficulty on the rest of Boise's schedule this year. Zero.

No. 17 Houston (Win 29-28, Texas Tech) - So they beat Oklahoma lite, now they have knocked off Tech with a TD inside of one min. Time to start the Hype Train. I will say this, Art Briles, now head coach of Baylor, brought most of the guys who are "rocking it" right now, including QB Keenum (38-58 435, 1-1). Says alot about where Baylor might be heading.

Developmental Teams

No. 20 Kansas (win 35-28, Southern Miss) - Another good win for Kansas, and another great game for Todd Reesing (30-41 331 3-1).

No. 15 TCU (win 14-10, Clemson) - another very nice win for TCU, as they knock off a decent ACC school in Clemson. Again they do it with defense, holding the Tigahs to under 200 yards passing.

Auburn (Win 54-30, Ball State) - Don't look now, but Auburn is 4-0 under new head coach (and former fail of Iowa State) Gene Chizic. 560 total yards of Offense will do that for ya most weeks. They get a good little show me game against Tennessee this week.

Big ups to all my haters upset of the week goes to South Carolina proving my theory that No. 4 Mississippi "aint all that great" by beating them 16-10 on Thursday night. When are teams going to stop scheduling road Thursday night games? The road team never wins those. (unless of course you are north Texas"

Speaking of North Texas, I'm afraid we are back to the old Todd Doge ways this week. After a promising win and near win the first two weeks of the season, I thought this team would be different, but alas, the 37-21 loss to Middle Tennessee State Saturday night proved me wrong. You can't let teams rattle off almost 500 yards against you AND Turn the ball over 5 times. Come on now.

Summer is over.

2009-09-23T10:46:00.001-05:00

HT : Warming Glow

“The party passes seems like a good idea…on paper”

2009-09-22T17:41:00.001-05:00

That was the final (sober) test message I received from Bizzle on his visit to the disastrous opening of the Death Star on Sunday night. (His tale is comedic enough as it is involving him riding his bike to the stadium, getting drunk, losing his friends, avoiding a riot and being too short to see the screen, but I’ll leave that for him to tell one day.)

I’m a Cowboys fan. However, the idea of going to that cluster fuck of a stadium and seeing a game in that monstrosity is the most unappealing concept on the planet. Just so we’re clear, you’re asking me to spend a minimum of $100 (ticket, transportation, beer, parking, etc.) to watch television because I can’t see the field.

“But it’s something to see!”

“It’s the Cowboys!”

“Games are fun!”

All valid points. But what am I paying for, really? The chance to see a poorly coached team half-ass it through a game while an ego-maniacal psycho sits in his booth in the sky and lords over legions of fans who turn on a dime and are interested for maybe 10 minutes? Teams aren’t afraid to play here. Our fans aren’t intimidating in the least.

“How dare you say that!? I’m a fan, I cheer all game long!”

Yeah, you and all the other people shuttled off to the cattle class of the “party pass”. The stadium itself just doesn’t appear as though it’s fan friendly. The stadium is seemingly turning into the AAC during Mavs games, which isn’t a good thing.

“You haven’t been!”

Yeah, fuck you, that isn’t my point. The reviews of the 100,000 people who did go seem to paint a good enough picture.

I’ll tell you what events you should go to if you really want a fan experience that’ll blow your fucking nuts off. College Football.

Go to a big program’s stadium on a game day and buy a ticket. It isn’t corporate, it’s fans. Sure, you’ve got alumni that are pompous and quiet, but they’re the minority, not the majority. DKR Texas Memorial Stadium? It’s considered quiet by college football standards, but it’ll rock your balls off on game day. Ever been to Kyle Field on game day? Fucking Cult Mad house. I can’t imagine the scene in Gainesville, Ann Arbor, Columbus, etc.

My point is, when the “common” fans are given the control of the stadium/arena, then the home field advantage is felt, and it’s a fun atmosphere and it’s worth the money that you pay for it. When you’re trying to impress the corporations and the high dollar customer, you become a laughing stock and the opportunity cost of going versus staying at home is not even a debate.