Wednesday, February 9, 2011

The funniest aspect of Twitter.

I’ve made no secret of my love/hate relationship with Twitter.  Very simply, I like Twitter when I use it, and I hate everyone else that does. See? Simple enough.   Anyway, one of the funniest aspects that I find about Twitter is the obvious misconception people have that since they have the ability to technically communicate with everyone, it doesn’t mean that you can really communicate with everyone.  Lemme splain.

Michelle Beadle is on Twitter.  Michelle Beadle is the new poster child for every man’s fantasy woman.  In the span of a few months she’s dusted every other sports chick and reigns supreme as the queen of sports hot.  She’s to sports what Olivia Munn is to nerd culture.  Apparently, she broke her foot or something last night and posted a picture of herself in the hospital.  You can see for yourself at her feed: http://twitter.com/espn_michelle

Now, here’s the example of the comedy of Twitter.  Read the comments. How far did you get before you rolled your eyes?  Was it is “Love your pretty little feet?” or “be brave Prettiest One” or “even in a hospital your [sic] still beautiful”?

Let me clarify something for all the guys out there. NO WOMAN WILL LOOK AT YOUR TWITTER FEED AND DROP HER PANTIES FOR YOU. YOU’RE NOT THAT GREAT.  I highly doubt women are on twitter waiting for some clever guy in Cleveland whom she’s never met to tell her she looks beautiful and that is going to be her siren song to give up her life to come fuck you.  Maybe I’m wrong, I’ve never used Twitter as a dating medium.

All I’m saying is, the more of these comments you read and one-way interactions you see (God only knows how porn stars and Twitter have yet to combine their forces in the strangest episode of Captain Planet yet), the sadder it gets.  I can only imagine some guy sitting in front of his computer with his Twitter follower list full of women he’s never met as he’s messaging “your beautiful” (grammar error on purpose) hoping he gets one single ping back. 

Actually, I take it all back.  It isn’t funny at all.  Now that I’ve typed it all out, all these guys need is a hug and a hooker.  NEW CHARITY CREATED!

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