Monday, March 9, 2009

TB&TB Movie Review: "Watchmen"

Hooray for boobies!

Asking me to run this site on my own for 40 days is kind of shitty of Big...I don't think Jesus intended this to happen. He didn't like Jews, I don't think he had any beef with Hindus (get it? Beef! Hindus! COWS!!!!)

Anyway, since movie watching is a sport, and I have a little bit of a side hobby writing movie reviews, I went with MacGruber and Bizzle to check out "Watchmen". I left with a colossal feeling of "meh" to "no sir, I don't like it".

I know I said that I wasn't going to review a movie unless I liked it, but I felt with the machine that this movie has been, it needed to be addressed. (Also, in an effort to get him to eat meat on a Friday, I'm hoping that Big, who loved the movie, will write a rebuttal post.)

That's right, though, the movie just didn't do anything for me.

It isn't that I'm going to piss on people who like the movie. There were a lot of aspects of the movie that were amazing.
-The musical choices were fantastic, which, if you watch a Cameron Crowe or Quentin Tarantino movie, you know that the use of "mainstream" music mixed with "soundtrack" music can really take a movie into another stratosphere.

-The visual effects were unbelievable. Normally, like "Sin City" or "The Spirit" or even "300", they show that "hey this is a graphic novel, and it was drawn, so we want it to look that away". In "Watchmen" they tried to make it look like reality, an alternate 1985 ("BACK TO THE FUTURE 2" ALREADY DID THIS!!!!), but still reality versus a comic book.

-The "comic book supernatural turned to real life" aspect was also very well done. The idea that heroes aren't some supernatural beings that exist in the Justice League, but are part of society as well and must cope with society and the mob effects of postive and negative.

So, if I liked those things, why didn't I like the movie?

The gratuitous giant blue dong? Though certainly not on my list of things I like in my movies or at all, this was just kind of there and after the first "oh wow, that's not necessary", you got over it.

The wanton violence? It's a comic book for adults. We're desensitized as a society. It's something you have to admit.

No, the story as a whole just didn't do anything for me. Too many jumps, too many eye-roll generating parts, too many "ok, I get it, now move on" parts that just slowed things down. It's as simple as that. The story just bogged things down for me, and after the first 2 hours, I just wanted the thing to end.

I'm sure the "book was better" phenomeon applies here. Like when they take stage plays and turn them into movies and the actors over-do it because it's supposed to be done on stage, this one seemed a little too "we HAVE to do it just like the comic or else we'll die by the fan boy sword" applied.

All in all, I give "Watchmen" a solid C.

1 comment:

j-bizzle said...


The only character you remotely ended up giving a damn about was Rorschach.

Getting to see Malin Ackerman (who's from Sveden by the way) in the buff was pretty sweet. And the scene where Dr. Manhattan splits himself into 3 so he can apparently gang bang his girlfriend was pretty funny to me.

Apparently the musical choices were pulled directly from the, graphic novel. Not entirely sure how that works, but that's what was said in the interview I watched yesterday.

But, yeah, overall I got a big meh from it. Lots of relationships between characters were underdeveloped. It took too long to get through some parts of the story that didn't really matter. And what the hell was that blue tiger thing?

Rip it off the net if you know how.

Hey, Brown. What's Big's least favorite drink?