Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Post, poorly spelled, and not about wrestling.....Return!

Ross - "Welcome to another Random Thursday here at The Big and the Brown, or should I just call it Brown town, as its been several weeks since our large, sporty loving, semi afro wearing boss has shown his face. It has been speculated that he being some what a man of God has given up this small space on the internet for the Catholic practice known as Lent, but nobody knows for sure. What I do know for sure is that today, we have a very special day of Sports blogging, including more guest posts by friends of the site, and a very special look from Brown entitled "Why I'm the shit, and everything you like sucks." Should be quite the day!"

As Ross finishes his last sentence, through the loud speakers, The opening riffs of "Big Pappa" by Notorious B.I.G. begin to play

Ross - "Wait a minute, could it really be!?! THAT'S BIG'S MUSIC!"

At that point, this image is shown on the big screen.

a large man with curly hair on his giant head with a smile that melts away the hearts of all the ladies in audience walks out from back stage, and makes his way to the ring with a mike in his hand, stopping ever so often to slap hands with people sitting ringside and pounding his chest with a closed fist.


Big makes his way into the ring, walks over to the the far ring post and climbs to the second turnbuckle and points into the crowd. He gets down, walks to the center of the ring and raises the mike to his lips as the crowd around him is canting "Big! Big! Big!". He raises one hand to try and subdue the crowd, they start to settle down as he begins to talk

Big - "Holy shit its good be back here, where I belong, at the Big and the Brown!

The Crowd goes ape shit

Big - "It has been far too long since I've had the satisfaction of talking to you people. no fuck that, It has been far too long since I've had the pleasure of talking to you people!

I've been gone a little while now. I know that. And there have been plenty of excuses thrown out there as to why that was so. Everything from "he doesn't care anymore," or "he has given it up for lent," or even "the police found his porn collection and the mere sight of it caused 4 rookie cops to pass out."

Let me get very real for a minute.

I didn't leave because of lack of fire, or laziness. I didn't leave because of a commitment to God or anything like that. I didn't even really leave, was forced out by one person, and one person only. The Kaiser.

Many of you may not know the Kaiser. You may not know the power that she holds over all of us. You see, she is the one that controlls our ability to do this hobby that we all love so much. She thought that by taking away the ability to get to this site, she would kill my thirst for writing for it.

Well let me tell you something, Kaiser, you can take away the Internet, you can take away my computer, fuck it you can take away my hands, and I'll tell you this, I will never, EVER stop being who I am, and stop doing what I love to do! You will never take away "Big" again.

So until she is out of my life for good, she will try and stop me. She will try and shut off my computer, try and overload me with work, threaten to take away my pay, and she will tell me that I won't ever be the same person I was 3 months ago. And when she tells me that, all i will say is.....

My name is Big, and I'm a blogger.

And I'm back bitches!

-fade to black-

1 comment:

Brown said...

You're right, I am the shit and everything you like does suck.