Your favorite bloggers checked out some Professional Bull Riding this weekend.
Just so we are clear, Brown's word are regular, mine(Big) will be misspelled and in ITALICS!
Despite the fact this was not "our first rodeo" as the the phrase goes, This was our first PBR. And while the Rodeo will bring out the rodeo fans, people are also there to enjoy concerts all the festivities behind it. Not the PBR. The PBR is for bull ridding fans.
Our buddy had some extra tickets in a suite at the AAC, so we figured what the hell and we loaded up the bus with me, Big, Bear, and Carl Badlander.
Let me tell you something about PBR...imagine professional wrestling, motocross, livestock, NASCAR, and classic rock all put together in a menagerie awesome. Yes, the entire show is based around someone attempting to sit on top of a really pissed off animal for 8 seconds, but that's not even the half of it.
And the fans? Rabid. Like there were a few times that I felt uncomfortable walking to our seats. I don't know if my jeans weren't tight enough, or my boots weren't "western" enough or something. When we sat down, It was completely the opposite. A fine gentleman sharing our sweet, who looked like Sam Elliot, asked if this was our first time, we gave him the spiel, and asked if he could educate us as to the finner points of Bull Ridding. First he offered us a handful of chaw, and said, "if you want the full experience, you need some of this."
I had to decline as the only other time I had chaw, i passed out in a bathroom, falling backward into a wall, causing a "big" sized indentation. To fix it, it cost me 100 bucks. But back to the PBR.
The show starts with explosions, fire and rock music...or as I call it, the "God Bless America" trifecta.
For real, they had U S A spelled in gasoline on the ground, and then they blacked out the crowd, and lite it on fire.
Then you get introduced to the "official entertainer of PBR" or as I call it, my next career move. Why? You ask. Good question. The guy's job is basically to paint his face, entertain the crowd with bits and dance around like a jack ass to whatever music is playing. If you know me, that's basically what I do at any party I'm invited to.
I have no idea as to how this guy gets his job, was he a former Rider? Was he a former clown? Either way, the guy was turning 41 years old on Sunday, and he could still flat foot jump from the ground up to the wall to "escape" the bulls. They used him mostly when they would go to commercials, as this was a live Spike TV show!
The actual bull riding begins, and surprisingly, you find yourself going ape shit crazy when someone manages to last the full 8 seconds. The crowd builds and cheers and goes nuts and it seems a lot longer than 8 seconds. If people don't make it, there's a disheartening groan and disdain for Mexico.
Uncomfortable moment of the night might have been when Big shouted a "fuck Oklahoma, go back there you bitch" rant, as he often does when the state to our north is mentioned. I thought it would go over well, but I think PBR fans might all be from Oklahoma. Lots of "what did that brown guy say?" stares.
For good measure? Let's drive a pickup truck around the arena and shoot shit out of a t-shirt cannon.
If you ever have a chance to go to one of these events, I highly recommend it. It's like a veritable "Golden Corral" for your senses. You'll feel fatter and more redneck than ever before.
Oh, and also, if you happen to be with Carl Badlander, make sure you punch him in the face repeatedly until he stops thinking of ideas. He's a terrible person.
I still think of This when I think PBR