Thursday, December 18, 2008

My New Year's Resolution for 2009...two weeks early

Me, two weeks from today

Big and I tend to do a good job of keeping anonymous when we write on this thing. Mainly because we've read stories of how bloggers can get fired or in big trouble because their names are attached to shit that wouldn't be appropriate in any kind of setting not called the internet.

However, in really thinking about our readers, most of you people know who we are. People read this thing that I didn't even know read it until they come up to me and say something about it. In fact, thanks to other readers' stupidity, people I work with read this thing, and due to my own stupidity, my family members are reading this thing.

You know how awkward it is to write a post about white girls loving their butt hole tickled with the knowledge that your sister might have read that?

When I realized the number of people who read this thing and it dawned on me who they were, I realized that perhaps I needed to censor myself. By merely mentioning that, I had a beer thrown at me by Big followed by a loud "BOOO!" (He's not the world's best communicator...if you think he spells poorly, he's a master of the phrase "I want to go to there")

Then I look back on some of the posts I've written in comparison to the first post I ever did, and I've realized that I haven't held up my end of the bargain. See, sexy readers, I made a promise to do everything I could to offend you. I haven't done that. Though most of you know who I am, you should know that I give the internet the amount of serious nature it deserves...none.

So, there you go. I promise to be more offensive then ever in 2009.

Get it? She's offended.

I'd like to start early by asking a simple question:

Are tampons big enough for whores? I'm talking about the ones where you could pretty much get your shoulder up in there. Is it a lot like the scene in "The Shining" where the elevator opens up and blood gushes everywhere? Do they just wrap a Shamwow! cloth around a baseball bat?

Talk amongst yourselves.


D-Nasty said...

Being that I'm boinling in a pot of HR water at work right now, I may have to refrain from TB&TB until I know I'm in the clear. Ah, fuck it... that's not how I roll. These bitches can suck it.

D-Nasty said...

Before anyone jumps on the 'what a shocker' bandwagon, I was not the culprit... only the manager that did not act in time. Apparantly there is no difference.