Friday, November 7, 2008

In apology...

Me too, sweety. Me too.

So, sorry for my little rant yesterday. Apparently me going serious shouldn't be happening, and I agree 100%.

As an apology, I'd like to offer a story for you, and hope you learn a little something from it.

I've been on a "kind of" diet recently to make sure that I don't steal the moniker from my portly blogger pal. I say "kind of" because I manage to find myself in a situation every weekend where I'm surrounded my people who just want to party with me. (You can read that as I found a new bottle of Knob Creek in the pantry and decided to order the 6 hour block of porn channels on DirecTV.)

Anyway, one of the dietary substitutions I made was, instead of rocking chips and salsa, one of the building blocks of the food pyramid, I switched to pita chips and hummus. I wish I could explain my reasoning here, but I can't. So, without really paying attention one night, I managed to eat an entire container of roasted red pepper hummus.

Seems appetizing, no?

I know, you think you know where this is going. You're close.

The gaseous emissions that result from your stomach digesting an entire container of that stuff might be qualified as "holocaust level gasses". I share an office with two other people, and they had to leave for the rest of the day. They're guys so they found it hilarious, as did I.

The problem was, this never went away. A full 12 hours later I had to pick up the folks from the airport, and my mother had to roll down the window and yelled at me while my father laughed.

I know what you're thinking, "why didn't you just go to the restroom and release?"

Well, first of all, what a gay way to ask me to take a shit. Second, I did, and that's the lesson for you. Don't eat an entire container of hummus unless you want to reek vengeance upon everyone in a 10 foot radius.

Oh, and to make this sportsy?

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