Thursday, August 7, 2008

"A-Rod" is a cursed nickname

Ahh yes, thanks to Jennifer Lopez in the early 00's, we were introduced to the concept of the "first letter of the first name + first syllable of the last name" nickname format.

That led to Alex Rodriguez becoming "A-Rod".

Well, it seems that the nickname could be cursed. Let's do a three case study...

Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez

Prior to nickname
  • Best young baseball player in the league
  • Lit up the place in Seattle with Junior and the Big Unit taking a majority of the spotlight
After the nickname
  • Sign the biggest contract in the history of sports
  • Become a media machine
  • Hated by every fan base you've ever played for
  • Get caught with muscle bound strippers
  • Get divorced by wife for practicing Kaballah with skeleton lady. (By the way, people, it's not 1986 anymore. Madonna is neither hot nor relevant. Let's cut that shit out.)
Aaron "A-Rod" Rodgers

Prior to nickname
  • Believed to be the most pro-ready Tedford quarterback ever
  • Defeated the mighty USC Trojans in overtime, proving "they're not a machine!"
  • Highly touted draft pick
After the nickname
  • Drop to the end of the first round
  • Become the heir apparent to Brett Favre
  • Alienate fan base by claiming you can't wait for the old man to retire
  • Old man retires, then you tell everyone to get over it
  • Old man attempts comeback and you become the most hated player in your fan base
  • Old man is traded, you're still the most hated man on your team
  • Often mistaken for Scott Stapp

Andy "A-Rod" Roddick

Prior to nickname
  • Hottest young tennis star to arrive on US scene
  • Destined to be the heir apparent to US tennis's stars, Sampras and Agassi
  • Fastest serve on the tour and history (clocked at 155 mph)
  • World's number one player
  • Win the 2003 U. S. Open
  • Win the Davis Cup
After the nickname
  • Second American mentioned behind James Blake (who hasn't done shit either)
  • Can't get past the current kings of the court, Nadal and Federer
  • Hire Jimmy Connors to coach you. Fire Jimmy Connors from coaching you.
  • Turn down representing country in Olympics to refocus on grand slams
  • Can't get past the third round of shit anymore
  • Blame sleeping posture for injuries and poor performance

In conclusion, if you're first name starts with an "A" and the first syllable of your last name is "Rod", for god's sake NEVER TAKE THE NICKNAME "A-ROD".

Note: I don't think anyone but Rodriguez is officially nicknamed "A-Rod"

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