Monday, May 12, 2008

Stock Sports Debate

Much like Barry vs. Emmit or 70's Stealers vs. 90's Cowboys, This is one of those things that drive sports talk show hosts crazy, yet is always a constant at the bar with the "real" fans.

A couple days ago I had an argument with a friend of mine as to what, in the sporting world, would you love to be bad ass at. We started talking about would you rather be Tom Brady or Matt Cassell. One makes ridiculous money, yet has all the pressure on them, the other makes good money and doesn't have to do much ever.

That got me thinking about what would my top sports jobs, not media, be if I had the talent.

I have come up with my top 5, and I want you guys to give us yours. Each one has a specific talent level required, and will be explained.

5. Top 5 Power Forward in the NBA.

This one has the highest work ethic, yet I couldn't leave off my favorite to play. Think Pau Gasol. I would have to be at least thought about every year for the All Star game, have a couple years where I was billy bad ass, and been at least the number 2 option on a team. I would average 18-12 for my career and make at least 7 mill a year, for 12 seasons. The down side with this is the work ethic thing I hinted at earlier. To be a basketball star you have to work your ass off, not just rely on god given talent or else I would end up like Darrius Miles.

4. Pro Golfer better than most, not as big as Tiger or Phil.

I know that sounds like strange. Your thinking to yourself "why not be the best ever?" While that would be nice to know that for the next 300 years people will talk about how great you were, I rather like having a semi normal life. Tiger can't go the mall and get a Jamba Juice. Adam Scott can. Give me 3 or so majors in the span of a 15-20 year run, and 5 years on the senor tour, almost always making the cut, and I'd be happy. And I'd be really, really rich. And have a bitchin farmers tan.

3. Face of American Soccer

This is another one that would be a huge beating with the media, but not as bad as say a QB or superstar B-Ball player. Think Landon Donavan with better ability to play over seas. I would spend every other year playing over seas for the highest bidder, and playing over here with some MLS team while trying to shove soccer down your face. I would be the American Pele', and you all would love me for about 2 months every 4 years for 20 years. Money-check, Respect in game-check, Just famous enough to have people come up to me at chilli's, but not have someone stalking me- check.

2. NFL Punter

This is the coosh job. I thought about maybe a third string QB, or a place kicker, but I think the Punter has the easiest job ever in sports. Even if i were just an average Punter, I would make at least 450,000 a year for probably 15 years, get all the free shit and perks of being a NFL player, and all that jazz. There will never be a situation where the game rests on your shoulders, like a Place Kicker, or a Back up QB. Your body doesn't take hardly any punishment so a injury shorten career is almost out of the question. Plus, you get lots of praise when you do well, and there is always somebody looking for a punter!

1. MLB Starting Pitcher.

As a fan, I am not much of one with Baseball. I love going to games, I follow the box sores of the Rangers, yet with the season so damn long, and the fact that Baseball doesn't translate to TV as well as it should, I don't know as much about it and the everyday goings on as say the NFL. With that said, I think a Really good to bad ass Starting Pitcher would be the best job in sports. You make CRAZY money, you play only once a week, its 90% about you and 10% your team, hell you can even suck ever 3rd or 4th game and still be called great! This is the one that probably puts your body through the most. And sands the soccer one, the one that you will most likely be recognised on the street with, but the perks are too much. You work 8 months out of the year. You make AT LEAST 10 mill a season, and you don't even have to finish the whole game. Other times are spent studying batters, working on control, and perfecting that pick off play.

So there you go, My top 5 sports jobs I wish the good Lord gave me talents to do. Would love to hear what some of yours are.


Brown from his Phone said...

5) NBA Sixth Man
No pressure, get to be referred to as an "energy guy"

4) MLB Designated Hitter
Holder of the team's "Boom Stick". Reviled by NL fans everywhere

3) Cricket Bowler
I'd love to master my wicket googlies. I'm Brown.

2) WWE Champion

1) NFL Special Teams Coordinator
Absolutely ZERO responsibility. Excuse to smell like Bruce Coslet.

Big said...

see i thought about putting in a run in the WWE, maybe revive the tag team division with roddy the pipper, but the crazy working 300 days a year thing threw me. Plus i heard Vince is a bag of dicks.

tioga said...

MLB utility infielder - you only play when someone gets hurt or needs a rest. you don't have to be good, just decent defense and any offense is a bonus. you get all the perks that the big league has to offer. you get the best seat in the stadium to watch the games. long offseason to go do cool shit with all your money. basically you get paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to watch baseball, eat sunflower seeds, and chew tobacco... I'm in. (plus I might get to go and hang out with Clemmens at karioke bars)