Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The woes of being a Ranger fan

I've made no secret of the fact that being a Ranger fan is the equivalent of going to a strip club. You get really really excited before you go because you think you're going to see something really great. Then when you get there, it's hard to see too much due to obstruction and you're surrounded by buddies so you don't want to do or say anything stupid. When you finally do get around to seeing the good stuff, you're already drunk and you realize that the stripper only has half an arm. You convince yourself she's still hot, so you keep buying dances from her eventually copping a feel on her tits, or what you think is a tit but turns out to be her nub, and getting thrown out of the club. All you're left with at the end of the night is no money, a hang over, a deep seeded feelings of shame for what you've done.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the Rangers.

The Rangers have always had a problem with pitching. It's a gimme. It's like traffic at 5 pm on the highway. You know it's there. Everyone else knows it's there. HOwever, we bitch about it none-the-less (and get in wrecks, like yours truly yesterday).

However, this year might turn out to be the worst pitching staff ever cobbled together from the scrap heap.

Let's take a look, shall we?

Starters

The "Ace" - Kevin Millwood
10 - 14 season last year, ended in injury, ERA in the 5's. Still injured. Hasn't thrown a pitch to a batter yet. Plans on being the opening day starter. *Cough*Ryan Dreese*Cough*

"SuperCrazy" - Vicente Padilla
6 - 10 season last year. ERA in the 5's. Batshit crazy.

"Free Agent" - Jason Jennings
2 - 9 season las year in the NL. ERA in the 4's. Hasn't been relevant since 2004.

"Young Gun" - Brandon McCarthy
5 - 10 season last year. ERA in the 4's. Injured and out for 6 weeks already.

"Anyone?" - ????? Kason Gabbard or Sidney Ponson, I guess
Spot open, if anyone wants it.

Closer:
"Maybe" - C.J. Wilson
Showed promise at the end of last year. Injured already.

The Best of the Rest:
Joaquin Benoit? Frank Fransisco? Wes Littleton? Jamey Wright? Eric Hurley?
Do those names do much for anyone?

Look, I don't claim to be that knowledgeable of who's coming up in the ranks and who is doing really well at spring training. Check UweBlogSports or the Newberg Report for that. All I'm saying is that not only does this staff make me want to ram my head into a wall, there is no one that appears to be coming up! The Rangers defied technology and decided that DVD wasn't their future. I can only guess we've got enough guys to create the word "LASERDISC" somewhere in Frisco.

I agree that I could use some baseball, but at this point, I'm wondering if it's worth it.

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