Monday, March 17, 2008

Need help on your brackets?

Here's your ultimate guide to March Madness:
  • Read a few posts on different sites so you know just enough about each team. Just say "I like Psycho-T" after each question about a player and you'll appear to have the basic grasp of things.
  • Make a few daring picks like a 15 over a 2. If you're right, you can claim you're a genius. If you're wrong, just say "come on, did you really think I thought Tennessee would get upset? Whatever. "
  • Make statements like "George Mason is totally setup to upset Notre Dame because they're a better team, but got a bad seed." People eat this shit up, and you look like you know what you're saying.
  • Hate Duke, after all, that's the chic thing to do. Greg Paulus is the new J.J. Redick.
  • Say "Bruce Pearl is a great coach who obviously cares about his team and his school" and make sure you ignore anyone who brings up the whole Illinois tenure...that didn't count.
  • Mention to me that Texas set themselves up nicely by falling into the Houston region. Really, I need to know from other people what my team does because I've never paid attention to Texas sports.
  • Mention to Big that mid-majors have no chance of ever succeeding. Seriously, he loves that shit, and might buy you a beer for your trouble.
  • If anyone asks you what you think about teams that were left out of the tournament, just say "the NCAA hates the state of Virginia"....VCU totally deserved a chance to lose in the first round.
  • Make sure you share your bracket with everyone. Don't wait for them to ask. It's like fantasy football, everyone is really interested in how your stuff looks and how things are going for you and your bracket.
  • When Beasley gets "Kevin Durant-ed" out of the first round, be the first to make the comment: "It doesn't matter, he'll still be the first pick in the NBA!"
  • Pick a random team, and claim you've followed them all season. Drake! Xavier! Brown's perennial, Gonzaga! St. Joe's! Come on, folks, bandwagons are filling up now!!!
  • Look down on anyone when they question why the tournament names an "MOP" and not an "MVP"
  • Tell anyone from California that Kevin Love isn't as good as Tyler Hansborough. Watch a live brain aneurysm take place as they argue the East Coast media bias.
  • If anyone from Baylor speaks up, tell them Dave Bliss called and said "you're welcome"

If you really want some insight on what's happening, check out the boys at Thirty Five Seconds. These guys have paid attention to CBB all season, unlike anyone else you know who claim to have done the same thing.

Are they really going to help you pick your bracket? Probably not, but at least you can make some educated guesses.

Have fun on your brackets people. It's Spring Break, so your boss wasn't expecting you to get much work done anyway.

Side note: For those that are wondering why I haven't filled out my bracket in our ESPN challenge, it's because my computer won't load the bracket picker. Rest assured, I've already got it loaded on CBS Sportsline, so my picks are made.

1 comment:

gerry dorsey said...

i have to be honest with you...this post is long and i didn't read it...however i just noticed your new headline...genius wayne's world quote.