The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..
1) Non Sports Media
I was running at the gym and caught the end of "Access Hollywood", they were promoting "Access Hollywood's Week at the Super Bowl" and stories about "Tom Brady and Gisele". What the fuck? This is the problem with the Super Bowl. As it has grown, it has become less about playing football and more about "being seen".
I, as much as the next person, enjoy funny commercials. However, when I'm watching a football game, the commercials are the time where I need to pee or go make a sandwich or get a quickie in with the lady (though I could get that done between first and second down). I appreciate that this is a large and globally watched event, and it's the time to debut your products, but I dont need hype around commercials.
No one cares. The only half-time show that I really remember was the one where Michael Jackson performed, and seeing as he had look a likes popping out of scoreboards and shit, I don't even know if that wa sreally him. My point here is, half-time should be analysis and Vermeil/Jaworski levels of player breakdowns. I really don't care to see Tom Petty's corpsish face play "Free Fallin'" while the "Up with Life" dancers do a routine around him, I'm just fine listening on my own.
4) Does a game even get played?
I can't remember the last time I actually sat and watched the game. Usually I'm at a party or hosting a party so I've got conversations going on around me or I'm participating in. I'm worried about food and drink all over the place. The last thing that is really on my mind in that instance? Football game.
5) Cheesy tie-ins
This year it's Fox. They already beat us down, oh so royally, with the Terminator show during the past two weeks of the playoffs, and I can only wonder what sorry ass "the writers are on strike" show we're going to get pummeled over the head with now.